Knowing the Narcissist : The Asylum of the Grotesque : Karen

Seated around a grand dining table, I was with Karen, my IPPS and two of her closest friends. The atmosphere was infused with satisfaction and contentment as we engaged in captivating conversation after enjoying a decadent meal. The remnants of gourmet dishes still adorned the table, their exquisite flavors still lingering on our palates.


I was wearing a tailored suit that draped effortlessly over my frame, and I exuded an air of confidence and refinement. I leaned back in my chair, a glass of red wine d held in my hand, and observed the two women seated across from me with a charming smile.


The first woman, Karen´s friend from childhood, Anna, exuded elegance, her face adorned with an unmistakable radiance. She had a regal presence, and her gestures were graceful as she raised her glass to her lips. Her eyes sparkled with intelligence and curiosity, reflecting the years of worldly experiences that had shaped her. She shared anecdotes and insights, her voice carrying wisdom and warmth.


Sitting next to her was Kerry who had a vivacious spirit. Her laughter filled the dining room, contagious and bubbling over like the champagne that was now being poured into her glass. Her expressive eyes darted from face to face, absorbing every word and infusing the conversation with her effervescent energy. Her narratives were filled with humorous anecdotes, drawing smiles and gales of laughter from the other guests.


Completing the quartet of diners was Karen whose presence emanated strength and determination. Her poised demeanor and confident voice spoke of her purposeful life. She spoke passionately and eloquently about her endeavors, sharing her triumphs and challenges with a blend of humility and pride..


As the evening progressed and glasses were refilled with rich wines, the conversation veered from lighthearted tales to discussions of deeper matters. We delved into topics ranging from art and culture to philosophy and film.  Each person expressed their unique perspectives, our ideas intertwining and sparking insightful debates.


We shared stories and laughter, delving into intimate and thought-provoking discussions with ease.


The hours seemed to slip away as the conversations ebbed and flowed, building a tapestry of shared experiences and knowledge. As the laughter faded from another anecdote from Kerry, I cleared my throat and spoke.


“Imagine if you will, the world teeters on the brink of its demise, it is natural to contemplate your existence and ponder what you would say in such a momentous occasion. The end of the world represents the ultimate test of our humanity, forcing people to confront their fears, regrets, and aspirations.

At the end of the world, might your perspectives shift, and the trivialities of everyday life fade into insignificance. You are confronted with the fragility of your existence and the realization that your time on this planet is finite. In this moment, you are compelled to reflect on the essence of your being, the impact you have had on others, and the legacy you leave behind. What would your thoughts be?”


There came a heavy silence as I allowed them to absorb my question, allow them to conjure up the images of Armageddon and allow them to fully contemplate the end of the world.


“Well,” began Anna, looking somewhat taken aback “In the face of imminent destruction, gratitude becomes a prevailing sentiment. I would express my appreciation for the beauty of nature, the love of  family and friends, and the experiences that have shaped me. I would acknowledge the privilege of having lived, even if it was for a brief moment, in this vast and awe-inspiring universe.

I am filled with gratitude for the sunsets that painted the sky with vibrant hues, the laughter that echoed through the air, and the love that warmed my heart. I am grateful for the moments that made life worth living.”


The other two women murmured their agreement.


“What about you, Kerry?” I invited.


“For me,the end of the world would prompt introspection, I would confront my  regrets and seek forgiveness. I would be terrified but at the same time, because I have thought about this before, I  would reflect on missed opportunities, unfulfilled dreams, and the pain I may have caused others. I would be frustrated by the fact I have not achieved everything that I wanted to do, so much left undone.

I am haunted by the roads not taken, the words left unsaid, and the bridges I failed to mend. Most of all, I would be so angry at all of this being taken away from me before I am done with it myself. “


“I understand that, “ confirmed Anna. We all turned to Karen.


“You know, “ she began , “I would not be scared, I really don´t think I would, I think  the end of the world may also ignite a spark of hope and unity. In the face of shared annihilation, our differences and divisions would pale in comparison to our common humanity. That is what I believe in. We would be able to seek solace in the company of others, finding strength in our collective resilience and the belief that even in the face of destruction, there is still room for compassion and love.

In this final hour, we cast aside our differences, extending a hand to one another, and finding solace in the shared experience of our mortality. Together, we stand, united in our hope for a better tomorrow, even if it is now beyond our reach.”


“ Ever the optimist, “ noted Kerry.


Karen turned to me.


“What would you be thinking, I know you would not be scared, nothing scares him you know, “ she remarked to our guests.


I grinned, ready with something I had contemplated so many times and eager to share with those ready to listen.


“ As the world around me crumbles and dissolves into chaos, I recline in my chair, a distant observer of the cataclysmic events slowly unfolding. The diabolical allure of the impending apocalypse is to be observed.  I am detached from the hysteria, immune to the panic that grips the collective consciousness. With a calm and detached demeanor, I survey the decay of society, watching an intriguing spectacle untethered by human emotions.

In the distance, sirens echo through the desolate streets, their shrill cries dissipating into the emptiness. Flames flicker and dance in an erratic ballet, turning buildings to ash, reducing neighborhoods to ruins. Human existence is unraveling before my eyes, the grand theater of demise, an exhibition of humanity’s inherent fragility.

There is a certain tranquility in this grim tableau. As desperation and fear reverberate through the air like an ominous symphony, I sit here, an unfeeling audience to the devastation. The world is being consumed by its own creation.

Once bustling streets, once vibrant with life and purpose, now lie as wastelands. Grand cities reduced to eerie echoes of their former glory. The remnants of civilization are no more than remnants of a broken dream. The echoes of life have receded, leaving behind eerie eulogies of what once was.

The cries of the desperate and the pleas for salvation drift through the charred air, faint whispers carried by the wind, falling deaf on my ears. I am detached, for I can no longer distinguish between the living and the dead. In this dark dance of extinction, grief and despair become meaningless, for they hold no sway over me.

With the world on the precipice of annihilation, the notions of morality and ethics dissolve into meaninglessness. The human constructs that governed the rhythms of society now lie shattered. The veneer of normalcy crumbles, revealing the savage, carnivorous underbelly of the human spirit.

Survival, once obscured beneath layers of societal expectations and obligations, now exposes itself in a raw, primal form. The weak prey upon the weak. The semblance of order eroded, as a primal hunger for dominance and control consumes the fragile remnants of humanity. Survival instincts ignite, burning bright in the twilight of our existence.

I watch the survivors stumble through the desolation, scavenging for scraps that may provide temporary respite. It is an unbridled chaos masquerading as life. A scavenger’s ballet performed in the absence of hope. Former neighbors morph into frenzied predators. The boundaries of empathy razed, trampled upon by the cruel realities of existence. It is a sight both grim and fascinating.

Amidst the ruins, a profound realization begins to dawn upon me. The apocalypse is not merely an end, but a poignant reflection of the human psyche. It is an embodied symphony of its collective flaws and darkest aspirations. For in the face of obliteration, we discard the pretenses and constraints that governed our actions. We become the essence of our true selves – untamed, primal, and unapologetic.

With every passing moment, the remnants of the world I once knew disintegrate further. The crumbling architecture stands as mute testimony to humanity’s propensity for self-destruction. In this dystopian canvas, the end of the world becomes a macabre masterpiece, a canvas painted with the colors of despair and shaped by the fallen dreams of humanity.

And so, in this detached reverie, I continue to observe as the world spins toward its final climax. The clock ticks relentlessly,. But as this climax beckons, and the last vestiges of hope fade, I am unflinching and unaffected. For in this dark theater, the emotions that bind humanity no longer hold sway over me. I am a detached spectator, watching as the final act slowly draws to a close as I speak just one sentence.


“ I did this. “



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