Knowing the Narcissist : The Carrier Empath
The Carrier Empath. A particular type of empathetic individual who naturally gains the attention of our kind. As I have explained before, our kind are drawn to empathetic individuals who fall within one of the classes of empath. Those classes consist of The Empath, The Super Empath and The Co-Dependent.
The Carrier Empath is a particular division of those classes and therefore can be found amidst any of those classes. The Carrier Empath is not a stand-alone form of empath but rather is embodied by exhibiting Carrier tendencies which “bolt on” to the relevant class of empathic individual.
The Carrier Empath shoulders, more than others, the emotional burden. This person rarely talks about themselves, although they have much they could talk about, either as a consequence of their natural intelligence which lends itself to considerable discourse, their ability to connect with people and engage in what could be termed as small talk so people are put at ease or because of their extensive experiences they have much they could share with other people.
The Carrier Empath does not see it as necessary to talk about themselves. All empaths are good listeners, it is one of the empathic traits which our kind look for, but the Carrier Empath is a superlative listener. Exhibiting considerable patience, he or she will sit and listen to the woes and problems of others. They do not jump to conclusions, as many people would, instinctively forming a view of the person they are engaging with, within moments of meeting. Instead, the Carrier Empath is able to resist making an early judgement about this person and will listen to what they have to say, so they can best work out how to assist. The Carrier Empath knows full well that sometimes just being listened to is the best thing for another person.
Those with Carrier tendencies are work-like in their approach, reliable, organised and effective when facing pressure. They regard it as their role to take on responsibility for others and struggle to determine the boundary of when they should not do so. They are unable to avoid taking on other people’s issues and problems and feel a need to assist but to do so through actions and a practical application of their compassion, honesty, decency and understanding.
The Carrier Empath is not a person who overflows with emotion but is certainly not devoid of it. Their emotion does not appear in surges and spikes, histrionic reactions as a consequence of the situation which they find themselves in but rather as a steady and reliable provider of fuel through their evident compassion and supportive nature. Whilst caught in the dizzying devaluation, some empaths will find themselves despairing and having up days and down days whilst they experience the push and pull behaviours, the Carrier Empath adopts a stoic approach.
Inside he or she may be churning but they do their best to maintain a brave face as they seek to remain dependable and forging forward. This person is solid and dependable. They are not a dullard, but they do not shine and glow like other empathic individuals. They are grounded, practical, pragmatic and excellent problem solvers.
The Carrier Empath is unable to leave responsibility with others. They regard it as their task to be responsible for other people and they rarely judge the flaws of others, but rather see it as an opportunity for them to shoulder the burden. They will remain with those who suffer from addictions, seeing it as part of their obligation to remain and fight the fight on behalf of the afflicted.
The Carrier Empath readily takes on the problems of others and will do so even when this becomes a drain on his or her resources, such as time and money. They may have somewhere they need to be but if the telephone call is continuing because the caller needs help and assistance, the Carrier Empath will continue to listen.
There is a strong sense of obligation on the part of the Carrier Empath. Whilst empaths as whole feel obligation, the empath will assist because they feel good about doing so, in a way, they gain a form of their own fuel from helping others. The Co-Dependent will usually help because he or she has to do so, being of a giving nature in order to find validation for themselves in terms of their place in the order of things. The Super Empath relished the challenge that is presented and regards it as an opportunity to exhibit their powers.
Layer the Carrier Empath onto any of those classes and you add a complexion of obligation – the relevant class of empath does it because that is what should be done, that is the right thing to do and they have an obligation to care. They will recognise that the task in hand may be difficult, they will note that it will drain them but their fearsome sense of duty causes them to be the first to volunteer and the last to give up.
This division of empathic individual is certainly compassionate but approaches matters in a practical manner rather than “hearts and flowers” and whilst they will certainly use words to comfort, to support and to show empathy they prefer to rely on actions. If someone is suffering, rather than hand out tea and sympathy, the Carrier Empath will assume the mantle of the problem themselves and tackle it head on. They are especially apt at standing in the shoes of somebody in order to absorb the blast on behalf of someone who is struggling or wants their help. They are the proverbial person who would take a bullet.
Such individuals are prized by our kind, but by certain narcissists in particular. There is the provision of fuel, that has to always be there, but it does not always fountain from the Carrier Empath. Greaters tend not to choose those with Carrier Empath tendencies as a primary source because the gushing appreciation is not the style of the Carrier Empath, furthermore, the Greater tends to be more resourceful and therefore has less need of this element of the Carrier Empath. Instead, the Carrier Empath is desired by the Lesser and Mid-Range schools and especially so by the Victim Narcissist.
The Victim Narcissist derives fuel from the provision of care and compassion. His less impressive countenance is not one which results in gushing praise and over-the-top appreciation. Accordingly, the exhibition of care and compassion gives him the fuel he wants plus the residual benefits he requires and this is always preferable to the empath who gushes with praise but does little in the way of practical care. Thus those with Carrier tendencies are more suited to the Victim Narcissist.
Furthermore, the Carrier Empath comes with considerable residual benefits in terms of the provision of caring for someone with poor health, dealing with chores and problems on that person’s behalf, providing food, shelter, money and such like and therefore this raft of residual benefits appeals to Lesser Narcissists in particular and naturally the Victim Narcissist from the Lesser School.
The Carrier’s capacity for “taking the bullet” results in them also having appeal to the Mid-Range Narcissist. The passive aggressive Mid-Range Narcissist who finds that he is not able to get his way with a third party will invariably turn to the Carrier Empath to step up on his or her behalf and get the problem sorted. If weakened from a lack of fuel and potential criticism from this third party, the Mid-Range will turn to the Carrier Empath to make everything alright again and the Carrier Empath will dutifully attend to his.
During devaluation the Carrier Empath is wounded and confused by the manipulations used against him or her, but their sense of duty carries them forward and they will often fall victim to the narcissist’s capacity to blame others. Accordingly, if the narcissist blames his outburst on being overworked, the Carrier Empath will accept this explanation and will look at ways of alleviating the load on the narcissist, by taking more on him or herself or even going so far as to challenge the boss of the narcissist to secure a reduction in workload. The narcissist knows that with a Carrier Empath he can in effect point that person in the direction of a problem and the Carrier Empath will march into battle on his behalf. Again, this is why the Greater has less of a need for those with Carrier tendencies and why those of a Lesser or Mid-Range school have more reliance on the Carrier.
Devaluation causes those with Carrier tendencies to battle on in the hope of resolving the narcissist’s problems. The Carrier is less inclined to blame themselves. They do not see themselves as the cause of the problems which the narcissist alludes to during devaluation, but rather only blame themselves for not resolving those problems. The Carrier is blinded to understanding that there is no fix, but regards every problem as having a solution which will, with the right application of energy and resource, eventually present itself. The worse the narcissist becomes during devaluation, the more those with the Carrier tendency will apply themselves to trying to sort the problem out and usually identifies an external source (wrongly) as the source of the problem and is ultimately sent on a wild goose chase trying to tackle this external source whilst the problems continue unabated.
If the relevant narcissist does not have a primary source with Carrier tendencies it is likely that one will be recruited as a secondary source. This is more likely with the Greater who will prefer the primary source to be fountaining with fuel (rather than providing a host of residual benefits) and to have a secondary source who can be turned to as and when required, perhaps at moments of crisis, to be utilised for their Carrier traits. Whilst the Lesser and Mid-Range narcissist and especially the Victim Narcissist cadre of those two schools will want a Carrier Empath as a primary source, the Greater will position one as a secondary source since they make excellent Lieutenants.
It is common to find that the scape-goated child of a narcissist, if they avoid becoming a narcissist themselves, tends to exhibit strong Carrier tendencies because they realise that by getting things done, having to attend to their own needs because the narcissistic parent has abandoned their duties at an early stage and also having to parent the narcissistic parent, is the most effective method of surviving. They care but do so without “showiness” and deliver in a practical and dependable manner.
It is also worth noting that as some narcissists age they will gravitate more to securing a primary source who is a Carrier Empath. Though fuel remains important, the need for the residual benefits becomes increasingly important for those narcissists who see their looks fading, their mobility decreasing and therefore suffer a reduction in their ability to charm and attract. Of course, this is not applicable to all of our kind, since many become distinguished with age, have the magnetism that comes from financial power and their innate charisma and sharp mind remain undulled. However, for those that see the waning of their powers, the Carrier Empath becomes more attractive to them.
18 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : The Carrier Empath”
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A scapegoat had the sins of the nation placed upon it. Then it was sent away into the wilderness bearing them all, leaving those behind cleansed. For a time.
I was the primary goat for the narcissist who raised me, but I always found the way back out of my banishment. Like the rough beast of that poet, my hour come round at last, I’d slouch towards home. I was needed, you see. Mama knew I would always return to have my head loaded anew, to carry away her sins.
Then she aimed a loaded gun at my chest, and it formed me. I turned to stone right then. Her rock. For sitting upon. For smashing things with. For holding things down. I didn’t understand my reaction until recently and the indication it gave about me.
The ancient myths would count it fitting that she turned me to stone.
No wonder certain types of narcissists are drawn to me and me to them. One of their kind formed me. As much as I try to throw them off by pretending to still be all animal, a totally organic and feral thing, my utter inorganic-ness gives the game away. I can be used to make blades which are sharper than scalpels, but only by those with the skill to work something so hard and brittle. So rapidly formed.
Now with this work I understand that not one of them–not a solitary one–has ever had the required skill.
Great comment, Allison. I like it. Very poetic with the metaphors and imagery.
Thank you, WiserNow.
You’re welcome, Allison.
Wonderful Allison: I have a strong carrier cadre next to matyrwhich is my majority.” I was the scapegoat but also the “ tough”one, the eldest, the “ strong independent “ one. I recall picking my grandma up at a young age and my parents applauded my strength. lol she was little. I could fight the boys and at a church outing I was called “ killer” for my tackles lol. I was tested “ gifted” as a child and school was easy for me. So I was the “ smart one.” I played “ well on my own as a child.” I was the one my parents leaned on for advice. They both felt I was very smart. As an adult, I saw a nun once who asked me what it felt when my mother hugged me. I said she “ needed me.” I was a child who beat by her own drum and into everything softball, gymnastics, dance, theater. I was always filled with energy. My mother said if I was told to stay put I would hop up and down on the spot. Probably ADHD or something but I had a weird concentration that when focused I blocked it all out but what I was focused on. My mother said I was “ an interesting child, imaginative.” But I was also the scapegoat. So I was raised to be this little warrior who never cried when she fell or it was innate at the same time I was the challenger while my siblings always pleased my mother. I was a daddy’s girl but he traveled a lot and in those days mothers raised the children and cared for the house while fathers worked. So since I rebelled or challenged her I was the “ spoiled child” the “ problem child” and my siblings were “ good.” This dichotomy has lasted forever whereas I was the closest to my father who on his death said “ I was 20 of them” and my siblings remain “ team mom” and remain her closest. She has money too. I have a good relationship but I am not her confidant or as close as them. During the divorce after 35 years of marriage my father moved out to California about a block from me, and remarried but died 8 years later of cancer at 64. This probably did not help as my siblings took her side. She cheated and left him. He was devastated … no one divorced in his family. Religion. I said to her “I understand and respect why you left but I don’t agree with the lying and the cheating. “ my siblings just rallied to her. The point is that I get why I am a carrier and a scapegoat from my family dynamics. But I feel my matyr comes from my early devotion to Faith and through H.G. I can see my Aunt’s great influence ( their Failt) although not my parents they were my childhood idols. I am also a carrier by profession. I understand what you are saying. It is interesting what creates a carrier.
Hi, Contagious–
We have much in common in terms of the dynamics of our upbringings, it seems. I’m eager to hear from Mr. Tudor on what makes empaths generally. I’m still planning to book a consultation to learn from him more details about my particular composition and how it developed under the influence of my legal guardian (my OG narc). I’m in some intense work now with my courses but I’m so looking forward to hearing from him on that. It’s becoming clearer to me through HG’s work just why certain narcissists were always trying to get up in this. I thought they were the strong ones, but it turns out I was actually formidable in many ways.
Like you, I have been a bit scrappy. We should tour the fighting circuit as “Beauty the Boy Bruiser and Mocha Mounds”. You deserve top billing, babe.
“However, for those that see the waning of their powers, the Carrier Empath becomes more attractive to them.”
Yes, I met a man just like this, he was looking for an enormous amount of sympathy, he reminded me of what you describe in ‘The Fake Crisis Narcissist’ (that video really triggered memories). Looked very handsome, salesman, looking for a job, got a lot of support from me, lots of hearts from him and quite calm pretty words, not over the top if I remember correctly. It can be rather hard to detect a victim narcissist. Lots of talk about his puffy eyes, him not wanting to live. “Do you think I look tired, old?” and I tried the “But I see you look handsome as a fashion model .. wait a minute … haven’t your friends told you that?”
“Well they do often and they are a bit tired of my complaining, but … ” Even though he found a nice job, just months after we met, he was still about depression. My suspicions came when all the trauma dumping and crises continued and continued after he found that great job with good pay. It didn’t matter how much I every day told and showed how much I care. I “see what a wonderful person you are”. The “Life feels lost” “I don’t want to live” and “I haven’t got money” continued and continued. He went to a therapist. The therapist thought he was too focused on himself, treatment ended after 7 sessions, if I remember correctly.
Even though I haven’t done an empath detector yet, I suspect we were drawn to eachother because basically I’m a typical Saviour and CoD, I don’t think I am a Carrier. He then found a Carrier empath, who lived very close to him, next house. He simply started seeing her every day “she is a friend” and wanted her to join on our dates. Until i got really tired of it all. I don’t know anything about them because after lots of unsuccessful reasoning with him I ceased all contact way back then. I remember the carrier empath as a nice person though.
For me, being with a victim narcissist was very draining.
So draining! Whine, whine, whine, about everything! It can be a beautiful sunny day and they’ll complain that we need rain! And add on top of that elements of an Angel with a Dirty Face and, wow, it’s mind-numbing.
Yes AV, the depression is like “the other woman”, depression is a word they use to shut you down. A triangulation.
Yes the angel with a dirty face, those first months it’s very much angel anyway.
Thank you AC, I had not thought of it in terms of depression but that is what it really is. And they want to oppress also, through their depression, through the triangulation. My mother is the one I was thinking of when I wrote my previous comment. She pulls out her Angel with a Dirty Face moves whenever she thinks it will achieve her aims. In reality, she’d just as soon holler at a person, if she thought that would be more effective. It’s, as we know, always about meeting their objective and in the easiest way possible.
AC,
Victim narcissists are incredibly draining, plus their draining behaviours never end. It is always a case of ‘woe is me’. They really are like the proverbial ‘black hole’.
Their constant neediness is a control method. They will use pity-plays and seek to tell you about their problems in order to have you ‘fix’ their problems for them.
And, empaths – especially carrier empaths – are good problem solvers and are motivated, instinctively, to try and ‘fix’ a problem.
Another Cat:
I so relate. You described my ex ( legally separated 6 years but he won’t agree to a walk away divorce) to a T! But mine is worse. He lives in UK and I am in California so it’s easy to live life without him. 6000 miles easy. Like yours, he is handsome… he is also educated from a top notch school, and artistically gifted. He is an Elite. Very smart and well spoken. Highly entertaining and sex was the best. But after he lost the good job… after being married 5 years, it was crisis after crisis. His mum is BPD without diagnosis but read up, that’s her. H.G. says narc middle lesser. Many of the crisis were around her …not eating or the house falling apart or dead drunk or 6 fake suicides ( aspirin, running out in the night in a terrible storm to lie …stabbing her arms) always ambulances where she is fine. Quite fine. His mum has never left the home in 35 years. She is 75 and won’t use a cellphone or computer, or drive. His childhood rivals Dickens. She isolated my ex to the point he had no education as a child for 6 years… and … as an adult, he would ping pong between her and me. Crisis. Crisis. Crisis. He had his crisis, 9 jobs in 10 years. Always persecuted or falling out with employers. Never his fault. . No money for food etc… talks of either conspiracies or the government or migrants, etc… victimizing him. “Why won’t you listen? I sent you the videos of what is going on here. Why won’t you help?” (Why don’t I save him. ) He is now homeless under mental health watch. But there’s no reason, he turns down jobs he doesn’t want to do. He feels he should be an artist. Almost entitled. But his poverty is real. I have never met someone so indifferent to poverty. He appears to like his freedom from work above all else but oddly he does not look for someone to pay his bills. Only me. I won’t. Or his mother …and their latest crisis ended up with him under mental health care watch. There are no other women and few friends last… he falls out with them. The latest fiasco was her. Not him. She is verbally, psychologically and sometimes physically abusive to him. He is not physically abusive towards her. It is this never ending drama and I took myself out of it but yes… he is always the victim… always in a crisis. I just want legally out. I have for years. Its like being married to Norman Bates.
Another Cat,
I’m glad you were able to distance yourself from him. Xx Victim narcs are so draining and I’m glad you saw his behavior and got away from him. Xx
I’m happy to say that I’m still keeping my distance from the narcs in my family, declined the invite for Easter celebrations, husband’s family invited us over, over a phone call to him. I told him, no I’m hanging out with friends instead. Feels good not to have to deal with their drama and fights. Staying out of that. At least I don’t have to deal with that circus anymore. It’s a small victory, but it makes a difference in my life.
I’m happy for you and hope you don’t miss him and things have gotten better. Xx
Carrier Empaths ROCK! 😉🤘😂
Well, they might be regarded as a rock.
Truth.
That’s real.
Yep, he tried to lock it down.