Knowing the Narcissist : Manipulated
You are being manipulated and you may not even know how.
The first stage to combatting the narcissist is to
understand. Understand what the manipulations are that are
used against you and why.
This book will tell you what the most common
narcissistic manipulations are and why they are
used by the narcissist. Acquire this knowledge
and reduce your vulnerability
to the narcissist.
Beat the narcissist and know their machinations.
11 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Manipulated”
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Mr. Tudor,
Reading this book gave me the words for behaviours I grew up with. The knowledge you convey, with the examples you provide and the vast number of your excellent videos I’ve watched is invaluable. I credit your teaching your viewers to watch for inconsistencies between words and actions for helping me escape a situation recently. I recognized and acknowledged the world salad, other incongruities between expressions and information being spoken, and more to get myself out of a situation that might have caused lasting harm.
I don’t know that I was dealing with a narcissist. Based on my understanding of your work, I had limited interaction across only one contextual circumstance, so I didn’t see the variety of behaviours necessary to determine that or help you help me figure it out (if they’re there). The person was/is someone highly indoctrinated. It was also an individual with a small appeal to authority that they could use against me. (Not a great one, because I was sceptical about their authority from the start.) I think “appeal to authority” would be an interesting behaviour to learn about more from you, in the sense of how it can be used to manipulate. (There are many people, who have a position of authority based on sound reasons of education/training/etc and they are good to listen to within the scope of their fields)…how certain narcissists can use that…based on my recent experience, it combined manipulations: hope, promised gain, revision of history, triangulation, intimidation, circular conversation, boundary violations, and probably more.
The behaviours just began to add up. It rang alarm bells that I was in a narcissistic situation at the very least. I was aware of and able to label what was happening thanks to your work, and I knew what I needed to do. I did it with an alacrity that would likely have been lacking without that knowledge. Thank you!
Being aware of these behaviours is critical, whether it is a narcissist on one side or someone who has fully drunk the Flavour-aide on tap, complete with artificial colours, flavours, and sweeteners. Thank you for all you are doing to help people be more aware and heed the warning signs. It’s an excellent thing.
Thank you again for everything! My greatest appreciation.
You are welcome, Dani.
Mr. Tudor–
1. What type of narcissist repeatedly touts their skill at apologizing, whilst giving apologies with phrases like: “I want to do better, but… “Others do this to me” to “my aunt is having knee surgery in a week and I’m overwhelmed by how much I’ll need to help.” (not a jot…you can’t even get to her without relying on others) to “I just found out I was diagnosed as a teen with Dissociative Identity Disorder. My mother hid this from me for years.”?
2. What type of manipulation is the “I’m so awesome at apologies, and I can teach you how to do better, because it’s so easy to apologize” when the apology comes with blame shifting, pity play, or whatever a ten minute story that sounds bat-shit bonkers about having Dissociative Identity Order is (sounds like a melodrama of the victim’s history)?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. If a narcissist is making those comments, they will come from a Mid Range Narcissist, most likely Middle Mid Range Type B.
2. False Contrition.
Thank you, sir. Much appreciation as always.
1. Are there non-narcissists who exhibit a similar lack of self to the narcissist?
The same repetition and myriad instances of copying stories from others (in person/media) to apply to themself. Taking interpretations of/opinions about media (word for word) from numerous people and passing it off as their own original thoughts, when they expressed the polar opposite of that opinion the previous time the topic/media was brought up.
I believe people can change opinions and gain more knowledge and adjust their stances on any topic/media/etc. I believe that many people want to get along and not be in conflict and that there are highly non-confrontational people who will say that they agree just to avoid a fight. But when the circumstances and variety of changed opinions habitually happens within a few minutes to a day or so…I know there need to be more indicators than just this…but…
2. Is there a frequency at which this particular behaviour occurs where a person should begin to see this as a strong narcissistic indicator vs a person saying, “I’m not throwing a golden apple into this wedding” because Discord sucks?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. The non-narcissist does not present with a lack of self in the way that a narcissist does.
2. You must look at a range of behaviours over a sustained period of time.
Thank you, sir. Much appreciation.
Do unaware narcissists ever launch into monologues about how they don’t know who they are as a manipulation?
Thank you so much for your time. My appreciation as always.
Yes.
Thank you so much, Mr. Tudor! Much appreciated.
HG: I wonder… how do you know that there is no empathy versus fractured empathy. It could be the same. Not enough empathy in early years. But there is a line of thinking that a bad primary caretaker in early years created the narcissist. You would say that the early years had a “lack of control” environment. In both cases, a genetic predisposition existed. But the 0-9 years there was some degree of nurture or care or the child would not have physically survived. Babies not held can die. Babies not fed would die. Someone had to cloth, feed, send to school and even be nice on occasion. Your mother called you a ray of sunshine as so bright. Your grandmother made you cookies, you were given a good education, siblings, beautiful places to play etc…an empathetic father…there was some degree of nurture, some care, some love. I see it with my ex narc. Not everyday was hell growing up. Yes it was FAR from ideal but there were many days of needs being met, good times and food/shelter etc… so do narcs have to mimic “love” or have zero empathy” or did they experience some of it to KNOW what it was and therefore recall it to use it versus mimic it. In other words how do we know a narc has zero empathy versus very low empathy or repressed empathy. Likewise other psychologists say that the mother was “ dead” …it could be alcohol, drugs, depression, a personality disorder etc… and that the child did not separate to become an individual. You described it as socialization, a “ give or take “ period where the narc rejects this socialization of “give and take “ ie copies the primary caretaker narc behavior as the choice ( ie selfish, take). But the primary caretaker is not truly dead. Not a robot. If an alcoholic or drug addict there might have been periods of empathy provided to the child but maybe not enough to create a healthy child. I guess what I am getting at is how does anyone know the caretaker gave zero empathy or was devoid of all empathy and created a child with no empathy as opposed to “ too low?” Wouldn’t it make more sense that humans would have neurological and biological empathy ie mirroring and that learned behavior from experience impaired their empathy? I say fractured it. So it’s there, just broken. Like a broken spine where one will never walk. If so, then why not say broken empathy versus a total lack of it. ? It has the same results. I get that but the term would be important. As it would explain perhaps the effectiveness of love bombing and other her manipulations as the narc would have a real source to draw on even if a kernel of understanding that would not be able to be applied correctly due to the impairment. ? This would not mean there is hope of a cure. It seems like the break of fracture would be severe enough to prevent someone from ever walking or ever having enough empathy to function in behavior…. Again same result unless technology changes it ( ie neurological system repair in the brain of some sort). But it doesn’t make sense this knowledge of absolutes when dealing with so many variables of biology, neurology, life experiences, humanity to say “ zero.” How do we know there is absolutely no empathy at all in a narc? Is it based solely on behavior? No one could abuse this way repeatedly and have any empathy? I haven’t seen any discussion on this…
Also HG : all of the narcs behaviors seem to be abusive. Love bombing is a manipulation to bind with ever presence manipulations, urgency ( rush in) manipulations, lies, fake mimicry, word salad is designed to confuse, blame shifting, gas lighting, silent treatments, triangulation, yelling, criticisms and back handed complements, withdrawal, sex as a tool or weapon, projection etc…each and every tool in the narc chest of weapons is designed to harm others and these acts are common enough among all narcs to define them psychologically through behaviors. And narcs are filled with envy, anger, emptiness inside.It would seem to me the primary cause of narcissism is hurt/pain within. Envy, anger, emptiness is pain. In fact some say anger is fear turned inside out. I get that fuel or control and residual benefits and character traits motivate the narc. They Let him cope or get through life when his or her inner life is filled with this envy, anger, emptiness but couldn’t it be said that hurt people hurt people? The goal is To make others suffer pain? That this makes this the true end game. The true motive operandi? Repress others to get ahead ( cause pain) cheat and lie ( cause pain), silent treatment s, gaslighting, projection, word salad, create drama out of calm, be contradictory, physically, sexually, financially and verbally abuse: to cause pain. I don’t see it as a pure sadist who enjoys the pain of others but rather this desire to inflict pain, to purge the inside. To make others feel like they do. To level the playing field of life. To burn or destroy contentment, love, happiness, joy, decency and truth to almost try to create other narcs or destroy “ the other.” As these others are seen also as inferior or weak …. “ intimacy is equated with pain and betrayal” than it would make sense. A desire to eliminate intimacy and the others who don’t have envy, anger, empty within … but by bit as it comes like a hoard ever descending. There is always more fuel or people to take this battle on with and conquer and ruin. But it does almost seem like a compulsion, an obsession to abuse/harm/ destroy in any intimate situation. Certainly narc parents do this, they “ eat their young.” But I wonder if it all originates first from this cathartic need to kill the envy, anger, emptiness inside to purge it onto others almost like projection is taking the unwanted parts of our psyche and putting it on others. To take the pain inside and put it on another. Is this correct? Some say narcissism is an approach avoidance style adapted to create the ideal mother ( love bomb/ fantasy) then devalue her ( narc abuse varies) to separate like healthy children do but that narc mothers prevent, and it doesn’t work so they go around and around in this cycle of recreating the childhood wound. My idea is not that but that the childhood wound exists and the narc simply projects it onto others with abusive various behaviors with the goal of harm/anniliation. That fuel, residual benefits and character trait acquisition allow coping in life. Some are really excellent at it but that the real reason narcs engage in behaviors that they do is to excise the pain, to vomit it out, to engage in behavior to produce pain, to project it on others as the narc would recognize him or herself in the remains and not be alone. ? Why would there be remorse for that victim or person if the remains are just a version of him or her? A mirror of their inner life?