Knowing the Narcissist : Possessed
I have a fascination for inanimate objects. Show me a beautiful watch with its intricate mechanism on display and I shall sit transfixed for a long time admiring the craftsmanship in this creation. I like to touch one of my favourite suits relishing the sensation of the cloth. I will hold it up pleased with the way it hangs and then of course admire how I wear it in the mirror. A sculpture, a painting, a car or a piece of jewellery. They all invite my admiration. They are items of beauty and superiority and as such firmly belong in my world. Moreover, they do exactly what I want. I love my dishwasher. It always works. I press the buttons and it obeys my commands, quietly churning away as it removes the residue from the expensive crockery. The glassware comes out shining, without streaks or marks. Each and every time. Objects are reliable. They perform as I require them to perform. I love nothing more than an appliance. It complies, it obeys and it delivers. I love possessions.
I love to possess you and make you an inanimate object. That is how I see you. You are an appliance which I expect to do as I demand.You are but an extension of me, placed here to carry out my demands and whims. I like to attach brand names to my ex-girlfriends. Becky was Zanussi – she was good at science, thus she was the appliance of science. Sarah was Nike since I had to tell her to Just Do It.(she called me Burger King – have it your way, I quite liked her).Another was Energizer as she kept going and going and going (but that’s another tale). I like to think I am Tag Heuer (Success. It’s a Mind Game).I objectify everybody and assess how they can be a good appliance to me. Once that is done I have to acquire the appliance. I have possession of you and you must act as I dictate. All my other possessions do, so why should you be any different?
73 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Possessed”
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Hi Dani,
The silent treatments and the disappearing acts is what caused me to look further into his behaviors. I’m not proud of this but I was having an affair with him. This was 5 and 1/2 years ago. I was about to have surgery and he disappeared again. I had googled, why does he keep disappearing and stop talking to me? I came across an article from someone who was a victim of a narcissist. In the article she mentioned HG and had a link directly to one of his articles. The article was House of Discards and that’s how my journey began. I had been on leave for about 12 days and during that time, I immersed myself into the blog. By the time I got back to work, I was done and I decided the affair would be over. He’s no longer with the company and has moved out of state and he’s a distant memory now.
Here’s a link to the article:
https://narcsite.com/2016/07/18/house-of-discards/
Is there any key points about the video that you remember? Maybe you can mention the key points here and someone might be able to point you in the right direction.
Thank you, Leigh.
I was looking at info about Prince Harry regarding the Superbowl pictures of him. I remember that HG gave a tiny lecture about people commenting on the video without listening to it…and accusing him of racism…
I remember feeling entertained by HG’s take on the situation of those comments. I remember agreeing with him that if they commented without listening through, it was inappropriate. I also remember feeling a number of emotions being activated by this tiny tirade. I even spoke back to my device to respond to what he was saying. I do that sometimes… Hg’s points were valid and I found him to have been truthful at the end. Everything was well said, and I just felt so engaged by HG. To use a food analogy…the other videos had been cheap mass produced snack cakes…then I was given…Opera Torte…one of my favorite desserts and not one readily available where I live. It’s rich and flavorful. It’s decadent. I had no use or interest in any videos about This One’s Wife’s behavior that weren’t produced by HG.
Hi Dani,
I don’t remember that video but maybe someone else might.
Many of the things that Mr. Tudor says resonates with me as well. You were brought here for a reason.
Opera torte is divine! That’s a very good comparison!
Hi Dani,
I agree with you, HG does have the best TOW videos. I get some TOW videos that pop up on my media fed and the funnier, ridiculous ones I send to HG. Some of them are so crazy, they’re laughable and I enjoy sharing the craziness with HG. Xx
Do you shout at your toaster oven when it malfunctions? Do you throw pizza at your dishwasher if it breaks down? Do you love shouting at a sad waffle iron on the floor if it falls off the counter? Do you react in an overblown douche prick way to your computer shutting off if Sarah trips over the plug, even if she sprains her foot? Given you are the Ultra, doesn’t all that loathsome nonsensical overreaction seem tiresome, or do you do it anyway? Just curious HG.
I rarely shout. Unless it is noisy and I need to make myself heard.
Mr. Tudor–
“I rarely shout. Unless it is noisy and I need to make myself heard.”
I’ve always considered your fury responses based on what you’ve said to be more cold fury. I find coldly hissed words, softer anger to be more frightening in general than shouting like a steaming teapot. But there are usually accompanying actions with that quieter version…someone backing me into a corner…
Assuming an interaction with your IPPS…
Is there a greater response when you shift from coldly hissing something hateful while they’re physically trapped to displaying heated ignited fury by shouting and breaking a dish in front of them?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciation.
I do not understand what you mean by a greater response.
Dani: 1. Is there a greater response when you shift from coldly hissing something hateful while they’re physically trapped to displaying heated ignited fury by shouting and breaking a dish in front of them?
HG says: I do not understand what you mean by a greater response.
A greater response would be more negative fuel (yelling/getting in your face/pushing you/slapping you) or a canon ball right into the Challenge Fuel pool or attempting to wound (they try to walk away from you)…whereas the lesser response would still be negative fuel, fear/cowering/verbally acquiescing.
Thank you so much for your time! I greatly appreciate it.
Thank you for clarifying.
It depends on the individual.
Thank you, sir!
1. What response, if any, dissuades you from the use of heated fury (in the form of destruction of property–which you’ve mentioned using elsewhere)? Is there anything your victim could do to comfort you?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciation!
None, it is my decision, you do not control me, I control you.
Comfort? Ghastly concept.
Thank you so much for answering!
HG says: Comfort? Ghastly concept.
Sorry. I would want to help you feel better (even knowing that only you can decide when that will be).
1. If you are displaying heated fury to your IPPS (and they are the cause), what do you experience if they remain emotionally level (unlikely as that is)?
2. Do lower echelon narcissists have a similar experience to yours, especially those more prone to heated fury?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. Curiosity.
2. No.
Thank you, sir. Much appreciation.
Hi HG:
Your response “ curiousity “ was most interesting. Why curiousity? Is it because most respond and when a rare one does not your curious?
Because of legal training and 32 years of practice, I mostly remain calm in a dramatic or crisis attack or any attack. Not always, a few weeks ago, this very husky owner with an extremely aggressive Husky lost her leash and my Frenchie with his Napoleon complex lunged forward at the aggressor and I lost mine. They went at it. With my puppy on a leash pulled back, I separated the two fighters at risk of injury and stood like a T arms outstretched one in both hands. I yelled get the leash and pull your dog back. Instead nut started punching my arm over and over calling me names and saying let go of my dog. I screamed at her in fury. In response she got her dog. I told her that I could call the police for assault but rather if I ever got her name I would take everyone of equity out of her home. She avoids me now. But with my ex a middle lesser, he would lose it and I would always remain calm. He looked like a monkey and his face was red and contorted. This always angered him more to the point he would say “ oh you are so perfect. So content. So happy without me. I am the problem right?“ usually ending with a threat. But it if you don’t react, I think this angers a narc more. They want you down to their level of losing control. But not an ultra:)
It is unusual for someone to respond that way, given my voracious intellectual appetite I am curious as to why that reaction occurs.
Mr. Tudor–
Given that your response to someone remaining calm when faced with your heated fury is curiosity.
1. Do different types of calm responses make you want to achieve to different negative fuel reactions, e.g. yelling or tears response in future interactions?
A calm expression and listening as you threaten them before smashing something–you would want a different emotional response from them–than someone who gives you a sour glare and sullen verbal acquiescence. One should yell; the other should be in tears.
If the subject of an IPSS (DLS or otherwise) or IPPS (likely in the sustained devaluation)
2. How does your curiosity about their response or desire to get a response keep them locked in the dance with you?
3. If someone fakes an emotional response, do you “sense it” in a way?
4. What is your response to manufactured emotional responses directed at you if you can “sense” them?
You’ve talked about the psychopath and tears–four different occasions: Pain (1), Pride from your father (2), Joy from an IPPS (3), Relief from an IPPS (4). This is an interesting series. I like listening to you narrate it.
5. Are tears of anger/frustration something that you might add to this series at some point?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
I’ve got an idea as to why that nil reaction to heated fury occurs.
I walked into the kitchen, said the wrong thing at the wrong time to an already enraged partner. There was a plate of freshly prepared food on the counter top. He stood at 6ft 3 to my 5 ft 6. He spun round to face me, stepped forward, took the plate and smashed it down on the floor directly in front of me. I must have flinched at the break but I didn’t step back, I didn’t say a word, I just held position and looked at him. Lack of reaction caused his anger to rise further, I was aware of his hands moving to fists. I still held position, still held eye contact. I just looked at him, nothing else.
His fists unclenched, the anger just seeped out of him. I turned, walked to the door of the kitchen and said, “ I’ll leave you to clean that up.” That was that.
It’s extreme dismissiveness, disinterest about what will happen next, and disgust. A specific mix of those three will result in that lack of response. At least that’s what I felt at that moment.
It’s actually a pretty dumb response when you think about it.
Hi TS,
In that moment, it sounds like you’re indifferent. I find that once I get to that point of indifference, I can’t go back. So now I’m curious about two things. Were you at a point of indifference? If so, how long did that relationship last after that incident?
Its great to see you, TS. Hope you’re well!
Truthseeker6157,
Thank you for sharing. It’s interesting how he responded. I have a few questions…shocking, I know.
1. What kind of narcissist were you dealing with?
2. At the end, you say it’s a pretty dumb response…did you mean your dismissiveness or his deflating?
3. Why didn’t you walk away from him in that moment or get out of the house?
4. Did you ever try to walk away from him when he was displaying heated fury?
Hope all is well with you!
Hi Dani,
1. The individual concerned has not been through the NDC so it is unclear if this was heated fury or something that resembled it.
2. My dismissiveness. Given our relative size and weight.
3. I didn’t consider either of those options. I didn’t consciously make any decision at all.
4. He squared up to me on three separate occasions. The occasion above was when he was the most angry. I reacted slightly differently each time but no, I didn’t walk away.
Thank you Dani, I’m well. I hope you are too 🙂
Xx
Hi Leigh,
No I wasn’t at that point. I know what you mean. I describe it as ‘turning’. If you are an INFJ it’s described as ‘the INFJ door slam’. I have turned, several times, most notably with my mum. There’s no coming back from that, it’s a switch off that can’t be reversed. This wasn’t indifference like that.
Lovely to see you too Leigh.
Xx
Hi TS,
Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. But for me, its a little different. Its like a light switch that dims. Its starts to dim first and then it switches off. Then once its turned off, it can’t be turned back on. I wonder if that’s driven by my pride.
TS, you’re INFJ! Hi sister! You have to google: INFJ memes psychologist.
They made me lol.
“I still held position, still held eye contact. I just looked at him, nothing else.” — Bulletproof!!
I read about a similar response from a journalist in the middle east conflict zone. A big bad wolf held a gun to the journalist’s face for trying to protect an innocent. The journalist held position and eye contact calmly replying “Shoot.” The dude lowered his gun and walked away.
For some it might be a pretty dumb response, but for INFJ it makes perfect sense.
Hey Dani,
Just to let you know I have responded to your questions. I think I’m in moderation but if they have been lost in Word Press purgatory I will re write.
I responded to both you and Leigh back to back, didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you! Xx
Thank you for letting me know, T.S. I appreciate you, and I enjoy our conversations.
Thank you Dani, I enjoy our conversations too.
I think the other comment did get lost. When I send back to back comments I seem to lose the first and keep the second. Apologies if we end up with two the same!
1. The individual concerned has never been put through the NDC. This incident occurred before my arrival on the blog. It’s therefore possible that what I witnessed was not heated fury, but something which very much resembled it.
2. I meant my dismissiveness, considering our relative size and weight.
3. No, I didn’t consider walking away from him or leaving the house. I didn’t make any conscious decision at all.
4. He squared up to me on three separate occasions. The one described was when I sensed him most angry and out of control. I reacted slightly differently each time but I didn’t try walking away.
Xx
Hi Jordyguin,
Fellow INFJ ! I’m not sure about the bullet proof part, I put it down to the guardian angel that sits on my shoulder. Worked to the bone, poor lamb haha!
That’s an interesting example you gave. You’re right, it does make sense to me.
I didn’t know that was a response associated with INFJ. If pushed I might have said it was more to do with Contagion, a stream of emotional information coming in that verifies or negates the action that is witnessed. An estimation of genuine intention versus assumed intention within that moment.
I would assume that where you have an INFJ you also would see an element of Contagion. That’s purely an assumption on my part though.
It bugs me a bit to be predictable, true to type, but I have to admit I’m very much INFJ.
Thank you for sharing that example, I enjoyed pondering that.
Xx
Thank you, TS.
I don’t think that dismissiveness was dumb…to me arguing back would have been dumb in that situation. It only feeds it, whether narcissist or angry schmuck.
I’ve seen a variety of tantrums from grown people. I never had someone breaking things intentionally. I would say that certain tantrum styles generate different responses from me.
I’ve had yelling, screaming, stomping, getting in my face, physically grabbing, boxing me in…when I see the first signs of that behaviour (and I don’t have it around me often these days)…I become very quiet and stop moving–unless there is another room I can get to quietly so as to escape being in the line of sight of the person acting like a toddler.
The other is the pity play tantrum…if you haven’t seen one from an adult, TS…you’re missing…nothing. I know you seek the truth…Pity play is the tantrum template. Many other manipulations pop up in them. They end with the class and dignity of…a silent treatment. When you’re really special…the silent treatment ends with another pity play about how they’ve been so helpful to others that makes no sense because you know how lazy they are. If you’re more lucky, TS…you won’t believe how special it feels to merit the “pity play lecture.” WOW! It’s something. Pity play content delivered graciously and magnanimously, a bit of whine creeps into the tone from time to time. I understand from H.G. this lecture translates into the Empathan language as…”Stop malfunctioning, foul toaster. I’ll give you another chance. I’m so generous.” It’s incredibly wordy in the Narcish.
Without the Ultra YouTube channel, I would still be engaging with a frequent perpetrator of the pity play tantrum. Thank you, sir.
Hi Dani,
In the past, when I would experience similar tantrums, I would often push back and erupt. I can be a bit defiant sometimes. This is one of the many reasons I’m so grateful for Mr. Tudor. He really has given me a wonderful gift. He has taught me how prudent it is to think before I react. Now, even in my daily interactions, regardless if I’m dealing with a narcissist or non-narcissist, if I’m feeling emotional, I pause first. Sometimes my reactions are still emotional but its far less than they were in the past.
Thank you, Mr. Tudor for giving me the tools I need to understand the virtues of keeping my mouth shut!
Well said, Leigh.
Hi Dani,
Tantrum is a very apt description, and probably where that feeling of disgust crept in.
I’m glad you don’t have to deal with heated fury as often these days. I understand why you would choose to go quiet and I also understand why you would choose to try and diffuse early by removing yourself.
Yes, to verbally fight back would just fuel a rage attack and exacerbate things, no way to win from there, only add to the risk.
Oh yes, my mum is proficient in the use of the pity play tantrum. That one truly grates on me, full on aggravates. That’s all it does these days though, nothing else. HG removed any trace of guilt I might have had as regards my mum. She tried it the other night actually, it was my dad’s birthday and they came round. Obviously dad was getting the attention. I actually thought she might hold it together, but no, she managed to steer the conversation then launched the pity play tantrum on the back of it. Half hearted, could have done better I thought.
My daughter’s face was a picture. She sees her grandma for what she is, absolutely no doubt about that. She turned to me and mouthed “Wtf?!” Haha! Then proceeded to dismiss. I’m not sure if she has picked that up from me, or it’s her natural fallback position. I think it’s the latter though she has never tried to dismiss me, nor I her. Just where necessary is the way it goes with us both I think.
Next time you see the pity play tantrum, try to stand outside of yourself and view as an observer. You might find it impacts even less that way. I can tell your frustration in the way you wrote your comment. They are frustrating. Clearly not being in the situation in the first place is the ideal, but if you are, mentally removing yourself might help take the edge off.
I laughed out loud at ‘narcish’, that really tickled me and the fact it takes a whole monologue to communicate ‘you are a malfunctioning appliance’ haha!
And they say we are wordy!
Lovely to speak with you again Dani. I appreciate you too.
Xx
Working to the bone, poor lamb😆👏 I can imagine!
“I didn’t know that was a response associated with INFJ. If pushed I might have said it was more to do with Contagion.” — There’s an INFJ meme “I’m a healer, but don’t push me” , you’re operating by the handbook lol.
“a stream of emotional information coming in that verifies or negates the action that is witnessed. An estimation of genuine intention versus assumed intention within that moment.” — Beautiful!
“I would assume that where you have an INFJ you also would see an element of Contagion.”
INFJ seem to combine both Contagion and Super in it. Strong willed but also relaxed where others won’t be and intuitive… The journalist in that situation – he described that on the one hand his heart was beating the shite out of him yet he knew he would not move a millimeter, standing in for the innocent, have had enough. Not entirely fearless but brave instead and holding on to his moral compass, perhaps subconsciously knowing that his death would be just a fleeting necessity which won’t break or hinder the good to persist.
Also have you noticed how many narcissists and narcissistic psychopaths are listed in the INFJ group? That’s an impressive bunch of trouble makers sharing a spotlight with deeply empathic people. Whoever categorises the personalities avoids i.e. is not that eager to separate the driver behind, which throws a danger alert on INFJs as a whole.
From that list: for instance Hitler was into the occult for subjugating purposes, whilst JK Rowling’s driver is to reveal the subjugating’ formation through the occult. Same with Tolkien (argued as either an INFP or INFJ). His legacy parallels both worlds – fantasy and reality. Examining the topic of Power on levels which go beyond just the physical.
Dani, sweety, that’s pretty intense what you described… Good to hear that you’re out of that, brave little toaster!🌟
The only tantrums allowed “If I ruled the world” would be the amusing ones a la “Jealousy in the airport” (hope the link works) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGephD45ot0
Hi Jordyguin,
“I’m a healer, but don’t push me.” Hahaha! Nailed it.
Yes, extroverted intuition is absolutely the lead approach. I try now to logically point out the information that causes me to assess positively or negatively. It’s a useful exercise and one that I feel might partially combat the narc blindspot that appears when my addiction kicks in to mist up my windscreen. It’s so slow though! So much of that extroverted intuition is automatic / subconscious. To slow down, point to exact behaviours, expressions or mannerisms frustrates but I do think it might help to fix that blindspot so I’m sticking with it, training myself to assess cognitively as best I can.
The journalist is such an interesting example. He feels fear as anyone would but in his mind, in that moment of threat there is actually no decision to make. He already made it. He made it when he committed to stand with the innocent party. Commit to a cause, commit to a person but from the moment of commitment there are no further decisions to make. Commit to the cause, die for the cause, it amounts to the same decision.
Yes, I have noticed how many narcissists and narcissistic psychopaths are listed as INFJ. Angelina Jolie springs to mind. I agree, look at Jolie on paper and she would appear wholly altruistic and a humanitarian. List out her causes and achievements, have her act the part and no one would think to question her motivation. No one would suspect a self serving driver behind the facade. Motivation is so difficult to discern from behind a screen or on paper. Therein lies the problem and another very valid reason to painstakingly sift for evidence.
INFJ is often painted as somewhat selfless. I don’t think that’s entirely true, at least certainly not with me. I’m very selective but when I commit I do fully commit to a cause, an idea or a person. I do wholly fit with the INFJ view of the world and the people in it, the extroverted intuition and introverted sensing, the judging element, (can’t dismiss without first judging) pattern assimilation and associated predictions of behaviour, lack of interest in the ‘now’ but focus on the ‘next’, all of it really. It all fits with my operating system and to a ridiculous degree.
It’s a pleasure to meet someone else with the similar machinery!
Xx
Jordy–
After dealing with a narc tantrum, I imagine this as my internal experience…if you will…
I am portrayed by Lilo. HG is portrayed by Cobra Bubbles.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cmdx7C_R6rA
Dani: The narcs need to be punished…
H.G.: It’s N-AR-C-S-I-T-E dot com. Schedule a consultation. Read my books. Ask me questions…
Dani: OKAY!
Hi TS,
“Next time you see the pity play tantrum, try to stand outside of yourself and view as an observer. You might find it impacts even less that way. I can tell your frustration in the way you wrote your comment. They are frustrating. Clearly not being in the situation in the first place is the ideal, but if you are, mentally removing yourself might help take the edge off.”
Thanks to H.G. I’m no longer involved with the primary perpetrator of the pity play tantrum I had been dealing with. I will definitely keep your advice in mind if I ever find myself watching a “woe is me…when I’m so wonderful…why must you hurt me in this way? After all I’ve done for you…”
“I laughed out loud at ‘narcish’, that really tickled me and the fact it takes a whole monologue to communicate ‘you are a malfunctioning appliance’ haha!” — I’m glad…it really is like Mr. Tudor has taught me a new language. And in a weird way, Mr. Tudor helped me feel differently about the situation. I don’t think I have much of a temper, and I don’t think I’m generally defiant. I’d gotten angry, really angry once before at the pity-play-tantrum thrower…only one other time in the 16 years we were communicating. But some months into my Narcissist “Tudoring”…I experienced this person–doing their thing…and I was immediately angry. Long term, and at them instead of myself. My situation is a curious one, more so I think–if I’m right about it… I haven’t heard H.G. mention anything a similar client. I think he’s likely had some, but they’re rare. I’d really like to hear more about it…but it’s a minority interest and probably not a dynamic as prone to problems as the narc/ipps relationship. I’m hoping to hear some, but I might just need to schedule a consultation…
Hi Dani,
I lost this comment but I’ve been meaning to comment on it.
You’d be surprised how many bloggers weren’t
or aren’t ensnared in the “traditional” sense. If you decide to share your experience, you may learn that there are others that have been ensnared in a similar way. I’ve been ensnared by both my parents, husband, daughter, best friend and a coworker. Ensnarement comes in all shapes and sizes.
Hi Dani,
I forgot one important thing. It was the manipulations of my coworker that brought me to narcsite.com. It was while I was here that I learned about the rest.
Hi Dani,
I can totally see why you would suddenly feel angry when faced with the Pity Play tantrum. Anger is my weakest narcy trait so I’m not demonstratively angry either. I do feel anger though, like everyone else.
I think the removal of guilt is the key point here. Once you fully understand and realise that the pity play is just a play to access the prime aims and you accept that what is said has no true meaning, then you also look back at yourself pre HG. You remember every time you were made to feel guilty, every time you questioned yourself and pondered, “Do they have a point? Was this my fault?” You look back at yourself in those situations and it angers you, it angers because you realise how pointless and what a waste of time and energy it all was and is. You really don’t need to have too much anger swishing around in there to feel enraged the next time you see the pity play rolled out again, in whatever form. So your change in response makes perfect sense to me. Justifiable anger.
I’ve been an IPPS twice and a LDE (NISS) once. I can honestly say the LDE position did me most damage. Hands down, no contest. So, although your situation or experience might be more rare and less talked about, it could be equally as damaging to you as a more talked about IPPS example. All kinds of factors play in to that. Your situation at the time of ensnarement being a key one. If it bothers you, plays on your mind or haunts you in any way, if there are unanswered questions about the ensnarement itself or your reaction to it, I would say, get them answered. There are no silly questions or silly reactions as far as ensnarement goes. Different empaths, different situations, different points in life, different stressors. Get an unlucky mix and we get badly damaged.
My thoughts would be, consult, then lay the ghost for good.
Hope that helps. Xx
Daniiiii oh my, that’s the most adorable internal experience ever! I watched it several times now, you reminded me to go finish watching the parts I still need to watch!awe🥹
TS, absolutely as you describe! To slow down, point to exact behaviours — cognitively so much harder! For instance I would watch Angelina Jolie with Ellen interviews and try to analyse both, apoint behavior — nada! The facade is lovely and all is measured. Like forget Greaters, I can’t see it when their facade is on. And then boom! Look at this peace! Everything’s there. (Watch without sound)
Hey Jordyguin,
I watched that clip. What stands out to me there more than anything is how self aware she is. I don’t mean in terms of her psychopathy, but in terms of each movement. She orchestrates her own movements as if she is puppeteering her own body. Self control movement to movement.
People might argue, “Oh she’s at a concert with her daughter, she knows she’ll be photographed, maybe she’s just feeling awkward.” That isn’t awkwardness though, it’s self awareness cranked up to the max.
She even keeps her chin tilted upwards so her cheekbones are highlighted throughout. As a bare minimum you could say that she has absolutely no interest in what’s going on around her. She isn’t involved. She’s outside of it. She’s observing what’s going on, whilst simultaneously observing herself.
Very very strange to watch. A great clip Jordy.
Xx
TS, I have another one!
A Greater asserting his control back. There is a smirk beforehand of ’watch me’ and then he does what he does. Asserting control by asserting it over the lined up extensions.
I hope the link works.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/lR14yZ_Dn9M
Hey Jordyguin,
That handshake is interesting. Putin pulls Trump’s hand in towards himself but he is the one approaching. I’d expect a stop then a handshake so neither obviously pulls in, or I’d expect the one approaching to be pulled in to the one stationary. That handshake seems to work in the opposite direction, if it does that’s an assertion of control straight off the bat. Yes he sidelines Trump and moves straight to the line, preventing introduction to the line. He also seems to have a brief scan of the room.
What strikes me here though is the lack of height difference. Putin is recorded as 5 ft 7. Trump as 6 ft 3. That would be a hugely noticeable height difference. Trump should dwarf him. That’s not evident here. Trump is taller but not by that many inches.
Either Trump added a couple of inches to his reported height, or Putin is wearing heels! Probably why he slumped in the chair. Heels rubbing again!
Phaaaaahahah heels!! I also see Trump offer (comand) Putin to sit down but Putin takes control by (I chose when I sit down) making his way to the line. Trump’s smile drops at that moment and Putin asserts physical control directly over the delegation (extension of Trump) and asserts control over Trump in this way. The “pull-revenge”.
There is a handshake-war between the two. Take a look in this video: Trump pats Putin. Putin returns the favor. Trump can’t repeat the pat but pulls his coat to get the energy out of him needing to assert control back again in some form. And the thumbs up move might also have been a form of provocation by Putin.
Jordyguin,
That clip is hysterical. I agree with the patting. The thumbs up I think is belittlement on the part of Putin.
Yes, touching his coat is discomfort there I think, only brief but I think it’s the desire to make another assertion of control but it was ‘access denied.’ The funny part is Angela Merkel, she definitely clocked that interaction and found it amusing. Similarly, Macron looks like a forlorn little boy, overlooked, ignored, put in his place.
When we know what they are, all these seemingly superfluous actions, take on an entirely different meaning. It is fascinating.
I agree with your assessment of Avid Gardener by the way. I think a lighthearted approach, or a comedic approach would be absolutely fine, but this was neither of those things. It was an individual who showed up dishevelled, unprepared, who looked repeatedly disinterested and who would have fallen entirely flat had it not been for HG’s wit and charisma carrying her through the interview. I think she demonstrated a huge sense of entitlement to show up on another YouTuber’s channel unprepared. I find that utterly disrespectful to behave in that manner when HG invited her on in good faith. One thing guaranteed to rile me is when people demonstrate a lack of respect for someone else’s time or endeavour. Entitled, flippant, utterly disrespectful, sounds very much like a narcissist to me.
The Duchess of Narsussex was an interesting listen. Have you listened to that interview? I have some thoughts to share on that one!
Xx
TS, you saw Angela yeaaa!!! She is something with her admiration and loyalty to him😅
I gotta find another video of Trump and Putin. There is one where Putin prepared himself for the Trump-pull and whilst Trump pulls every member he greets, Putin flexes his muscles amidst the pull-attack. It’s hilarious.
I agree with all your observations about Fiona (Avid Gardener)!!
Blare (DoN) – I still can’t tell, don’t see what she might be. By feeling (what we not ultimately should do) I sense an empath, but I could be absolutely wrong, so. All clues you named made sense and she would have presented as a narcissist. I try to think of an empath who would appear “dark”. The one who sprang to mind is from HG’s Series about famous empaths, Alice Cooper.
Leigh–
1. What about the coworker situation registered with you to the point that you wanted to solve it more than the other situations?
I missed one person at first and how toxic their behaviour has been toward me. I was looking for information about a different situation going at it through Prince Harry when I encountered HG’s videos…I really wish I could find the first video I listened to of HG’s…it would be interesting to see how I take it in now…I remember the gist of it…and my feelings when I first started.
2. Do you remember your first article/video?
I forgot to add that I am fascinated by antique automata, as well.
Hi Truth seeker:
You list “ anger” as one of your narcissistic traits. The number one that came up on my trait detector was “ pride.” And I am trying to understand what exactly that means ( maybe my pride? lol) Can anyone help me out and provide an example as to how pride is narcissistic?
Thanks in advance to anyone who responds! X
Hi Contagious,
Yes I have anger as a narcissistic trait but it is the weakest one I have.
Pride could relate to pride in appearance, pride in achievements or the house / area you live in for example.
In the empath.
In an empath, It might show as “I’m better than that and I’m not letting you treat me that way.”
“I worked hard for this house and I’m not letting you take it from me.”
In the narcissist.
Unfettered in the narcissist it would look different, more like an obsession with appearance ( think of Hollywood addiction to plastic surgery)
In the narcissist it might show as “My house is better than your house. Don’t speak to me, peasant!”
“You deserve to have no money, you should have tried harder in school, like I did.”
Hope that helps.
Xx
Truth seeker:
Excellent response! I left home at 17, put myself through college, paid to live abroad in the UK, paid for my own law school, paid for my cars all my life, was a single mother without much help, bought a beach condo myself in Newport Beach, California, started my own law firm business. Hell yeah, I relate to what you said… and I did this all myself. Guilty as charged plus I learned the hard way, you never know how strong you are until you have to be. I am very strong as a result. But I don’t see this pride is a narcissistic trait. I am proud of my pride lol! Damn it I earned it;) thanks for your help! I can see how in a relationship it would be an issue as I require others to do their share. But I just realized… I have others say to me, “ I am not you and I am allowed to be valid in my pain.” So I can see where I can be hard in telling others it is surmountable when they feel lost. I work on that but when you are someone who had to sacrifice and work a lot, sometimes three jobs, it is hard to sometimes to listen to someone who has these options to listen to complaints when they make choices that are self destructive. Like: I have no money but the person spends 4000 on Invisalign or going on a trip. Aha! I get it now. My pride can make me less sympathetic to others who are making decisions unlike mine to be happy in this life. Oh my, you helped me work that one out. Wow I will try better! Thanks!
Hi Contagious,
I’m really glad my comment helped you to figure things out. There’s a really good HG video that explains narcissistic traits clearly and in context of both empath and narcissist. It’s well worth a listen and might help you further.
Attached for you below. Xx
https://youtu.be/iq6FvAu4IZI?si=Wl4_pZjBUOBWAnPi
Hi Contagious & TS
My highest narc trait is pride also. I have no showmanship at all though so my pride isn’t about things. Its about me. How it works for me is that I don’t want people to tell me what to do, what I’m doing wrong, how I’m thinking or how I’m supposed to think or throwing my life choices in my face. When someone does these things, my pride is offended and sometimes I can become defensive. I can see how that’s a narcissistic trait because even if you’re saying something of value, if you’ve offended my pride, I can’t hear it.
I just wanted to share a different perspective. We really are an interesting bunch!
Hi Leigh,
Good point, pride could rock up in all kinds of ways. I won’t ask for help. It isn’t because I feel I don’t deserve help. It’s because I’m too proud to admit I need help. I’m a bit narcy in that I kind of expect people to know and so just offer. I would know, I would offer, so why don’t they? Look, I’m on crutches, my arm is in a sling and I can only see out of one eye, could one of you not think to load the damn dishwasher?!
Xx
Hi TS,
Exactly! I’m the same way. I won’t ask for help because I’m too proud to ask even when I need the help. I also expect people to know when I need help but sometimes I’m still not receptive when they offer.
As I’m walking on crutches with my arm in a sling, my pride is saying, I can load the dishwasher myself! Then it triggers my other high narc trait of resentment.
Thank you for posting that video. That was very helpful!
Hi Ladies,
Pride is my highest also and it shows in judging people in my head, thinking I’m better than they are in some way. Also with my home, I don’t want people to visit if it’s not up to my standards. Also in people telling me anything if they do it in what I feel is a condescending manner. And other ways also. It’s a problem, I work on it quite a bit. And add to that vanity as a close second, it’s a lot. I see them as narcissistic because they’re about me, not me thinking about others, in a positive way, which I would see as not narcissistic.
Good point, AV. I can be judgemental too. I also see what you mean about pride and vanity being about ourselves. I have some vanity too but I’m quite high in selfishness. When those traits are triggered, I’m not thinking about others. Thankfully, we have some empath traits that keep the narc traits are bay.
It’s interesting to me that so many of us are high in pride. I wonder how common pride is as a narc trait.
AV and Leigh,
My Pride and Vanity are high too, but so is my Resentment and Anger. My Selfishness is low and my Showmanship is low, in comparison to the three previously mentioned. I’m glad we have the empathic traits to rein them in. Xx
Oh Leigh and Victor: we are a lot. My soon to be ex narc, a middle lessor moaned about every body part daily and nonstop excuses. I can’t do that my back. I can’t do that I had a heart attack 15 years ago ( he took off 7 years unknown to me before I married him! Ugh!) . My toenail is killing me, don’t you care? And he would tell others in front of me in a disdainful voice, if my wife had her finger cut off, she would just sew it on herself and say nothing. I have a high tolerance to pain however but I learned a long time ago to just suck it up and move forward. I abhor pity. I am just fine. Thank you. I am a bit extreme. I had got nervous over my first art show as I am not a professional and felt like a big fake. They showed up with their mahogany shiny easels and mine was a cheap 30$ special from Michael’s. nervous the night before, I spilled a pan of hot oil on my legs causing major second and third degree burns from my thighs to my toes. I went to the show in heels and suffered in silence. My best friend had a plastic surgeon call me urgently. I ignored him. I made it through. One of the greatest things that annoyed me about my ex was his whining. I would totally ignore him which would lead to fury. And I think as a child that’s how he got genuine attention or care only so as an adult he seeks it. Always something wrong with him. Ok if he was really sick I helped. …
Contagious,
Your comments about your ex was funny to read. My narc is a victim narc and cries about every thing and acts like a martyr about it. “Look what I put myself through and do to myself all to help others.” The whining drives me nuts.
I have a high tolerance for physical pain too. Not emotional pain though. Even though i can be stoic, sometimes my geyser sometimes seeps out.
Hi Leigh, the video sent about narc traits 3 years old, HG starts by saying vanity, infidelity and pride…. I am now curious if pride is a common trait of empaths…
Maybe pride is essential in empaths because thats where our strength comes from and what pushes us forward???
Hi y’all Leigh, I just learned today you are Southern without any twang lol. I was born a yank ( NY) but 35 years now in SoCal. Thank you for sharing. I totally relate to everything you have said but my uncontrollable nature and attitude also arises from self sufficiency a lot. I think well if you want to pay all my bills then maybe… lol yes, we are a crazy lot too!
Hi Contagious,
You have Rebecca and confused. I’m a native New Yawker!
Hi, Contagious–
“I am now curious if pride is a common trait of empaths.” That’s interesting. Perhaps. I just did the trait detector and I’m awaiting the results, but I’m pretty sure it’s strong in me. I won’t seek permission to share the analysis, so this is always just me looking at me.
I notice pride in myself for example in my current university activities. Because I’m proud of my intellect I’m a ruthless judge of my peers and professors in my department. Nothing they do or say is ever good enough for me. I often feel great contempt when they speak because they seem so thick. I seek out time with people in other disciplines which I consider superior and therefore suitable for me, but I’ve calculated that (owing to timing and other factors) I’ll remain in my department formally. But I “cheat” on them all the time; in our system and as a grad student such engagement with other disciplines is akin to romantic infidelity or being heretical. I really like it when I come back from these adventures stinking of new ideas my professors and peers don’t understand or are suspicious of.
But, I remain in the department and one reason is because I can easily exploit the situation and advance myself within the larger university through the distinction. I make myself stand out of the local background. Overall, I believe I’m better, smarter, and stronger than any of my peers. They seem weak and slow to me. I relish that. I believe that my “superiors” (the faculty) don’t deserve their positions because I’m better than they are.
If that isn’t pride, it’ll do until pride gets here.
Hi Allison,
Maybe it’s just a smidge of pride, lol!
I do adore THINGS, as well. Vintage 1969 Rolex, vintage gloves with Beauvais embroidery, antique dolls and silk bias cute 1930s gowns-things dont disappoint, do they?
Only human things.
It seems I should add Youtube to my list of things that will disappoint.
Tag Heuer is quite fitting for someone who operates in the now, as a part of you does, with “Tag” meaning day and “heuer” (among other things), today or now.
Since you see everybody else as an appliance and more importantly an extension of yourself, does that make you at least partly an appliance too? Can an appliance be a true extension (as opposed to an instrument performing as required) of anything else than another appliance?