Does The Narcissist Think About the Disengaged IPPS?
I know that when I have disengaged from you that you will think of me more than anything else. This is all by design – be it instinctive (Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist) or calculated (Greater Narcissist).
Your mind becomes a whirling thought engine as the questions loom and dart about your mind like swooping spirits. Why did he do this? What did I do wrong? Where has he gone? Why won’t he talk to me? Is he with someone else now? How could he treat me like this? These questions and many of a similar nature remain at the forefront of your mind. They are exhausting as you grapple to find the answers, always achieving an unsuccessful outcome because invariably you do not know who has actually disengaged from you.
I cast you to one side, you did not leave me and cause me to apply an Initial Grand Hoover in order to bring you back under my spell. I saw no need for you anymore and therefore I was content to throw you on the scrap heap, broken and spent, a broken appliance left to its own considerations and dwelling heavily on this cruel treatment.
One of the questions which charges around your mind as you try to sleep is does he think about me? Do I ever feature in his thoughts? Does he think about what I am doing? Does he recall the good times? You wonder whether I am lying on my bed in a similar state of anxiety, mulling over what has happening. Your thoughts spill and tumble and whilst you want to dispel these memories you cannot help but want to embrace them, experiencing that bitter sweet sensation of both delight and agony – of course this is being driven by your emotional thinking which is wanting to feed your addiction to me.
You try to get into a comfortable position hoping that slumber will soon drag you into unconsciousness so that the pain will evaporate, if just for a few hours. Yet, even the place you now lie in evokes the image of you and I coupled together, wrapped up in one another as we made love through the night, or at least you felt we made love. Did we actually make love to one another? Did I really love you? You know you loved me, indeed you still do, but what of me?
Yet again a question leaps into your mind. I am everywhere. You consider whether I think about the treatment that you have received and do I feel guilty for behaving that way? Do I have a reason for hurling you to one side so callously and am I wondering whether you are all right? Your truth seeking empathic trait is being seized on and corrupted by your emotional thinking. It drives you to want answers and you are left believing that such a driver is logical and should be addressed. It keeps the thought of me in your head, going round and round, question after question, ensuring that your emotional thinking is alive and surging.
Just as you hold onto the precious memories of the golden period you wonder whether I am similarly replaying them through my mind, recalling the wonderful times, the delicious things we did together. You can summon it all in such detail. The places we went to, the other people there, what day of the week it was, even the exact date. You remember what we wore, what we ate and what was said as the memories tumble through head. As the clock shows it is now closer to morning than it was to the evening, you wonder whether I am thinking about you in a similar fashion?
While you toss and turn in your bed which resembles a place to be endured rather than a place of comfort, I am fast asleep. From the moment my head touched the pillow I fell asleep free from thoughts about you. No imp sits on my shoulder jabbing me with a precious memory and keeping me from sleeping. Whilst you ruminate, cogitate, fathom and review, I am oblivious to everything. During my waking hours you do not invade my consciousness. There is too much to be done, too much fuel to extract as I deal with looking after and nurturing the new primary source of my fuel which replaced you. You have been deleted because you failed me (at least in my mind that is the case) and therefore you have erased from the record. The narcissism demands that. You are of no use to me and therefore you are erased, deleted, removed and wiped away.
Truth be told it was more of an overlap with both you and her supplying me fuel until the old stale trickle was switched off and dumped. In my mind you never existed. My fixation with the new prospect and her golden, delicious, potent fuel means that everything is focussed on her. Her seduction and the maintenance of supply dominates my mind save when I am extracting my fuel from the range of supplementary sources that I interact with throughout the day. I may drink from the mug you once bought me to recognise I support a particular football team but there is no flicker of recognition about you. I do not halt, cup in hand, halfway to my mouth and smile at that trip to the stadium when you insisted on buying half the contents in order to please me. It is just a mug to me but the tea contained in it and prepared by my new prospect is delicious and I tell her so. Her beaming smile provides me with that dollop of fuel as expected. To me it is just a mug bearing the crest of my football team. The link you had to that piece of ceramic has been severed and cast into the abyss. The narcissism demands that must be the case – your replacement governs our thoughts and actions now and therefore there is no need to be reminded of you, that is redundant and as effective and efficient machines, we reject the redundant, jettison the unnecessary and remove the failed.
I may still wear the jumper you bought me but I never consider that weekend away in the highlands when I complained about being cold so you purchased it for me. I may walk past someone who wears the same fragrance as you. I do not remember you as I smell it, not the way you remember me when you smell my cologne and you remember me next to you and that emptiness washes over you once again. I just think that it is a pleasant scent and carry on walking by. It is as if I have pressed delete and you have been erased. You never existed, your thoughts, words and actions all melt away. Your connections to me are severed, your presence eradicated and your memory denied. I have switched off that appliance and everything associated with it has been obliterated. We do not think of you because at this point we have no need to think of you. You serve no purpose to us and therefore remembering you and I is a redundant exercise and a waste of our time and energy. We must not waste anything and thus the instinctive impact of our narcissism ensures you are not thought of.
When we have disengaged from you and we have done so because we have a new Intimate Partner Primary Source we do not think about you. If you enter our spheres of influence by messaging us, ringing us, walking by us or even coming to see us, you can expect at best a cold and polite short moment of recognition before we move on and at worst a malign response to send you away in hurt and pain. You failed us – we no longer want or need you. You have been replaced and therefore you are stricken from our thoughts and should you ever invade our sphere of influences in another way, we maintain this rejection of you.
However, once the new IPPS enters devaluation (and this person will – that is a guarantee – it is just a question of time) well, then you become useful to us once again and our narcissism alters the record once again. This time you will be remembered, although if truth be told you ought to prefer that you remain cast into obscurity because in all likelihood we will be coming back for you in some form of other to draw again on our investment, to seize our property once again but solely for our benefit.
6 thoughts on “Does The Narcissist Think About the Disengaged IPPS?”
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Ps re the cottage fairy, I noticed with her that the self doubt and various traits that empaths seem to naturally have were there in her too, despite fab parents… I think it made me see the nature side of being an empath…
Brutal. I used to see others who seemed like this .. even friends that could “move on” from their break ups seemingly easier and wish I could switch my brain off like this. But I accept who I am now, and am glad I’m not the alternative.
Ps also getting my head around some ex’s bring narcs so that explains why with the addiction and emotional thinking those ones were a lot worst to get over!
Hey Jade:
We can’t pick our families only our friends or new families. In some ways I was lucky growing up with empaths. But mine were uber empaths, almost martyrs who wore no make up, cut their hair short but were homecoming queens each of them with great beauty they shunned, went to church twice a week, never gossiped, never complained, stayed married for life despite one who had an abusive husband in some ways….rarely raised their voice were social workers, a nurse, and two house wives. Families large 11, and 3 miscarriages, 9, 7, 5 and then my Dad 3. They spoke slow maybe because raised with Friesland language in NY but they spoke intellectually. They were More to listen and love than to speak. As a child and a teen … I was in awe of them but felt less as more of a sinner. I wanted make up, I wanted nice hair, I wanted sex outside of marriage, I wanted to live in California, I wanted to travel the world . Like them I did not complain. That I share. I share their absolute Faith. I tend to listen. I want integrity. I want to be in the light. But unlike them I am a Warrior, who FIGHTS for others. They did not. But there is guilt in me. As I looked into their kindness, their love, their gentleness, I did not always see me. I wanted more than them. While I am like them with children of my own, I wanted to fight, to bring justice and I cannot stop myself. If a person came to them with a severe injustice no doubt their eyes would sadden, they would part with sincere love in their hearts and pray, pray, pray but they would do nothing, yet I react wanting to rip their throats out figuratively. Something wrong is missing in me I always felt. I lack their purity. I feel shamed. They are right. I am wrong. Christ said to turn thy cheek to love thy enemy. But for every person who crosses my door, with a harm, I feel not like them but to fight, fight, fight. Yet truth behold inside me lives this feeling that I am uncomfortable with, that I should not be doing what I do. That I should be more like them. Have stayed forever married. Not want what I want. So you see it’s not easy being raised by empaths either? I will forever be grateful for their example but I always shall fall short of them. I feel that’s what happened to my father. Vietnam destroyed him. It’s why his songs, his devotion to the military and our country but in the end…. You found a sad family man drinking in the dark singing “ where have all the flowers gone?” By the Kingston Trio and a little girl who adored her kind father but could not fill the hole left after Vietnam. She could not save him from his ghosts. The point is you can be raised by empaths, that does not mean they don’t leave scars. But why should they? We can all learn from those scarred and our own scars and take those scars to make a better world. We live right? Narc child. Empath child. We have a choice. Swords held high empaths?
Contagious, how are you so sure your family members are empaths? I’m sure they are lovely and caring and sacrificing and pure but when you describe them as being married forever and not doing anything specifically practical when a problem or injustice is shown to them they sound to me like they might be normals. Normal people can be very empathic particularly to family and friends and they can seem more empathic than empaths (whose empathy may be less noticeable at times). I think you checked your dad through an assessment but did you also do the others? (Tbh I’m not sure if it’s possible to ascertain if someone else is an empath through a detector – as the empath detector is self filled.) If they are empathic normals rather than empaths it might explain how your approach to the world has been a bit different.
Thanks Contagious and annaamel. I do agree re being raised by empaths and everything you shared. I definitely don’t think it leads to all being hunky dory.. we all have our own paths regardless and own strengths and weaknesses. I thought that when I discovered “the cottage fairy” on YT. She seems like an obvious empath or HSP with a loving family but has had controlling relationships and various other things to deal with. It’s just hard for me to imagine an upbringing without cluster b’s lol but I think life is hard in different ways for different people. There were many advantages I had growing up too.
Trying into annaamel’s point too, I think your behaviours.. taking action for others and fighting the good fight is very much what religion preaches and what Jesus did. ✊ I sometimes have a tendency to “positively project,” onto others too… 🤔 It sounds like it might have felt like a lot to live up to, growing as well…