All posts by HG Tudor

I am letting you see my worldview for your own protection.

The Igniters of Fury – No. 2

IGNITER 2

A series that allows you to understand what are the different things that you do which are likely to ignite the fury of a narcissist. Keep in mind that different schools of narcissists have different levels of control over their fury. Use this information to understand why you have been treated to heated or cold fury and to use this information to further your own position post escape.

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Why The Narcissist Wants You Dead

 

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“I’m going to fucking kill you!”

“You’d better do it or you’re dead!”

“I wish you were dead!”

“You are going to die.”

You may well have heard such threats and declarations of intent from our kind. The savage Lesser who has erupted in a volcanic reaction of ignited fury who grabs the kitchen knife and thrusts it through the air towards his victim, the self-pitying Mid Ranger who in a tantrum of impotence and hatred expresses his wish that you were dead or the dread words delivered with the reptilian smile of the Greater ; each school has its own ways of issuing this threat.

Yet, is this just wishful thinking or a solid desire to see you dead? Are these words issued more for effect than the reality of murdering you, causing an ‘accident’ or hoping that some intervening act causes you to be wiped from this mortal coil?

The general position is that we do not actually want you dead in the sense of physically dead. There are notable exceptions, which we shall address below, but it is rare for those exceptions to occur. The fact is that numerous commentators believe that we want you dead and the truth is, we do not. That is another myth that is held about our kind, that it is our ultimate desire, our final expression of victory for us to kill you. It is largely incorrect and here is why :-

  1. A dead appliance is a useless appliance. Your purpose is threefold to us, whether you are a tertiary, secondary or primary source. You are to provide us with fuel, character traits and/or residual benefits and the more important the appliance in our fuel matrix, the more likely that you will provide all three and do so impressively. Accordingly, if you are providing us with the very things that we want and need it makes no sense at all to render you incapable of providing them. But, I hear you ask, what of the appliances that are no longer functioning in the way that we want? A valid question.

Firstly, when you stop functioning in terms of the provision of positive fuel (you do not provide enough/frequently enough/it runs stale) we switch to devaluation and even though we hate you and paint you black for your treachery in no longer fulfilling your specified role through the provision of positive fuel, you still have a role to play. You become the fountain of negative fuel.

Secondly, you still have a role to play with regard to the provision of character traits and residual benefits. You may be supporting us financially, taking care of us, running a household, caring for the children and other matters which not only benefit us day-to-day but support our all important façade.

Thirdly, you are required for the purposes of triangulation with our other appliances and maintaining the provision of fuel as we seek out your ultimate replacement.

Now you ask, what then when we choose to dis-engage, clearly we have no longer       any desire to interact with you at all, why not kill you then? These leads us on to the other reasons why we choose not to kill you.

2. Notwithstanding our contempt for rules, the law and regulations, the higher functioning of our kind are mindful of the adverse interference that comes from nosey law enforcement if we murder you. It brings unwanted scrutiny and the potential to fetter our right to do what we want and we are not so stupid as to act in a way that will blatantly jeopardise that.

3. We treat you as dead without the inconvenience of actually killing you. We effectively delete you when we concentrate on the new IPPS through the new golden period. Accordingly, by ignoring you, removing you from social media postings, blocking you, not answering your messages or calls, then we have ‘killed’ you and this provides us with a far more satisfactory outcome.

4. You are ‘kept alive’ for the inevitable hoover. Although wanting to see you, interact with you or indeed do anything with you at all is last on our list when we have dis-engaged from you, unconsciously there remains that advantage to be achieved by keeping you alive so we can hoover you for fuel (positive or negative) or achieve this as well as bring you back into the Formal Relationship to acquire the other aspects of the Prime Aims. Remember, there has been a considerable investment in you and whilst we ‘kill you’ by putting you from our minds during the golden period with the new IPPS, we will want to draw down on our investment in due course. Accordingly, there is no point physically killing you.

5. There are alternative methods where we can in effect murder you without the potential risk to liberty. The key ways that this is done are as follows :-

a. Character assassination – ( The Paranoia of Character Assassination )

b. Smearing – ( see Smear and Loathing )

c. Silent Treatments – ( The Smiling Assassin )  and ( 17 Salvos of Silence )

d. Devaluation as a whole

Thus whilst we do not physically kill you, we slay your character, your reputation, your self-worth, your sense of existence, your connection to us and still continue to draw fuel from you, something we could not do if you were physically dead.

5. Punishment. By you remaining alive, we are able to punish you. This asserts and maintains our sense of superiority, enables us to draw fuel and ensures that we feel a sense of achievement and retribution against you. It also means we can keep on punishing you, something that could not be done if we were to actually murder you.

6. By stating our intent or desire to kill you, this simple form of threat carries with it the ability to gain fuel from provoking a reaction from you, but also allows the establishment of superiority. It is a simple sentence but one which carries significant power with it. This low usage of energy with maximum impact appeals hugely to our kind and therefore it makes far more sense for us to THREATEN than to EXECUTE. Yes, in that moment we do want to kill you or see you dead because you have done something which has mortally offended us and therefore our reaction in uttering those words is entirely in accordance with a desire to kill but we do not actually do so (and ultimately we do not want to do so) because it goes against our fundamental needs.

Thus for all of these reasons whilst we may say we want you dead or that we want to kill you, the reality is we do not and we will not.

Thus this is the general rule, however, as with all rules, there are exceptions. What are the exceptions when the desire to kill is acted on?

  1. The loss of control through ignited fury. Whilst the ignition of fury can potentially result in any school of narcissist entering a frenzy whereby there is the commission of physical violence, it is the Lesser who is most likely to murder as a consequence of the loss of control. This does not mean that all Lessers will kill, but rather, of all the schools, when there is a serious loss of control resulting in the ignition of fury, then the Lesser will want to kill and can and does kill. The fuel arising from the act, as he stabs, bludgeons, throttles or beats will be significant but not enough to heal the wound that has resulted in the ignition of fury and the loss of control, meaning the murderous act continues until the victim lies dead. Therein the fuel halts from the deceased victim. The narcissist may gain fuel from the reaction of witnesses also but ultimately that burst of fuel has gone with the demise of the victim. The murdering Lesser may use the fact of his killing to gain fuel in the future but as of now, he has lost a major appliance (if for instance he has murdered his IPPS) and therefore he will face a fuel crisis if he does not achieve fuel from alternative sources.
  2. Going, going gone. There are circumstances where the narcissist recognises that the major fuel provider is ‘on the way out’ and thus the fuel is going to be lost anyway. This is not the situation where the appliance is escaping or leaving – our narcissistic perspective of you always belonging to us means that your escape, leaving or departure is not something that will happen because we control you and we will bring you back under our control through a Initial Grand Hoover or through Follow-Up Hoovers. Thus, if someone is about to escape, move away etc, this is not applicable. The situation of Going, Going, Gone applies to where the appliance is at risk of dying. There are two clear situations where this arises ; terminal injury or illness and suicide. In respect of terminal injury or illness, the narcissist knows that the fuel source will not be around for much longer and therefore ‘helping’ this person on their way would appeal to particular narcissists. There also has to be a benefit associated with such an act, namely doing it as an act of revenge for wounding, punishing for railing against the narcissist’s control and such like.

With regard to suicide, if the narcissist recognises that the victim is at a very low ebb and therefore is likely to end their own life and thus deprive (in one final act of defiance) the narcissist of fuel etc, the narcissist will encourage that individual to take their life and push them over the edge. This is rare, but accords with a desire on the part of the narcissist to punish and gain revenge. This punishment and revenge goes beyond that normally experienced and would be as a consequence of a major exposure and/or major wounding. Thus if an individual is in a position whereby suicidal ideation occurs, the narcissist is aware of this and senses that it is likely to occur, the narcissist, in accordance with his or her god-like view of themselves and the need to exact punishing revenge will pressure, cajole, encourage and manipulate to push the victim over the edge so that he or she commits suicide.

3.  Malice. A Greater Narcissist wants you dead. There is no Going, Going Gone scenario which would be harnessed by any of the schools of narcissists. In this instance the malicious and calculating Greater has determined that your death is required. Again, this is rare and the Greater will have evaluated that the loss of a useful appliance is offset by the need to dis-incentivise this individual. There will be no clumsy rage-filled Lesser bludgeoning, or pillow-smothering Mid-Ranger with the dying cancer-ridden parent. Here the Greater sees you as a problem, an obstacle which must be removed. Usually it will be because the Greater recognises that you have access to information which will cause him or her considerable difficulty or that you have the ability to create a significant exposure problem. The Greater will not go down this route lightly, instead he or she will look to manipulate the situation in an alternative manner, but ultimately the Greater’s malicious core, their need for the maintenance of the status quo and their superiority means that sometimes, sometimes there is a need to remove an individual completely. It may be made to be an accident, it may be subtle, it may involve a contract killing, but certain individuals, on rare occasions, will be removed because they pose a threat to the Greater’s plans and control. The individual may be a romantic appliance, a business appliance or a familial appliance, but if the Greater deems their removal necessary and this outweighs the benefits of continued punishment, torture and fuel provision from this individual, then they will be dis-incentivised.

Thus, the prevailing circumstances are that we do not want you dead, no matter how many times it might be threatened, because an alive appliance is a very useful appliance. However, on rare occasions there will be exceptions.

 

 

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Kiss Me

KISS ME

 

The kiss is probably the pinnacle of romanticism from everything that I have observed. The couple who flirt with one another throughout the film in an attempt to create a will they or won’t they scenario, finally kiss and everybody smiles. The kidnapped child is finally reunited with his parents and is smothered in relieved kisses. The power of seduction that exists in that first kiss between a passionate couple which then leads to their love making. A kiss good bye on a steam filled railway platform. As ever, books and films have played their part in elevating the status of the kiss to near legendary status.

Like so much of what I do, the kiss is a weapon which I use to maximise the impact of my machinations. At the outset I shall use it to overpower you. You are unlikely to have much resistance to my overtures following my campaign of love-bombing but if there is any it will be obliterated the first time I kiss you. I have studied a thousand  kisses. From Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity to Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh in Gone With the Wind through to Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost. I have viewed Audrey Hepburn jump from her taxi to kiss George Peppard in the rain in the film, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and the post-nuptial kiss between Prince Charles and Princess Diana. It is not just the famous kisses that have been subjected to my scrutiny. I have sat at railway stations and watched the greeting kiss, full of excitement and passion or the departure kiss which encapsulates longing. I have watched the almost frenzied and desperate embrace that arises from a man finally ensnaring his quarry in a nightclub after spending a couple of hours chatting her up. Whilst sipping from my drink in a restaurant I see hundreds of kisses between spouses, lovers, friends and acquaintances all delivered in different styles with varying emphasises. All of this knowledge is collated and stored ready for my use.

I have been told many times how good a kisser I am. I am blessed with full lips and therefore do not suffer the sometimes dispassionate affliction that can befall those who have lips of a thinner nature. From my observations I have learned to make my advance slowly, lingering just in front of the other person’s lips as I reach a hand up to cradle their neck and let my fingers lightly caress the back of their neck. My soft lips press gently against theirs and then I retreat slightly before advancing again and then retreating. I do this several times before allowing my mouth to press on to theirs and remain there as we lock our embrace, lips moving slowly together, each time moving a little wider until a tentative tongue gently probes and touches against hers. My tongue flicks back and forth as the embrace grows stronger. I can hear her low moan of delight and know that this approach is working. I reach another arm around her and pull her closer to me, bodies pressed against one another and now her mouth has opened wider, her own tongue almost battling with mine. I know that the tingle will be racing up and down her spine; I know that she will feel the churning in her stomach and that light headedness will be sweeping across her. I am well practised in the art of the seductive kiss and during our golden period I shall allow you to experience it often. I shall do it when we meet in my house at the end of the day, I will embrace you in that fashion when I lead you by the hand to our bedroom and I shall surprise you by grabbing hold of you in the lift and kissing you in this way.

What of course is all the sweeter about being able to embrace you in such a scintillating fashion is the fact that I will withdraw this marvellous kiss. You will take hold of me and push your mouth against mine only to find that my lips are set rigid and do not respond in the way you have been used to. There is no warmth or passion. You wonder where it has gone. The truth is that there was never any there to begin with. Like so much of what I do, it is an artifice purely designed to capture you and make the inevitable denigration all the more contrasting. I can see the confusion in your eyes as you try again to kiss me but the effect is the same. You look at me, eyes searching for an answer but I do not offer one. You ask me what is wrong and I look away and say that there is nothing wrong. I have a variety of responses which confuse you when you try to kiss me or expect to be kissed. When once I kissed you often and repeatedly I will reduce it to next to nothing. This reduction coupled with a lack of explanation has you flailing around for some kind of reason. You end up blaming yourself of course that is to be expected. I will do any or all of the following:-

  1. Remain tight-lipped when we kiss;
  2. Move my head so you kiss my cheek rather than my mouth;
  3. Put my hand up and block your advance;
  4. Hug you instead so that your kiss flies into thin air over my shoulder
  5. Just walk away

Where once my kiss was magical and uplifting, now it is cold or non-existent. You relished our passionate embraces and now you find yourself remarking how it is like kissing an automaton or a mannequin. I do not care. All I wish to achieve is your pained and hurt reaction to the cold front that I exhibit where once there was heat and passion.

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You Are The Competition

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Should you ever ask certain people what the secret of their success is ,those asked may often reply,

“We are a partnership.”

This applies to a happily married couple, to a duo who run a burgeoning advertising agency, to the group of people who deliver excellent professional services and to the champion sportsmen and women. Think Lennon and McCartney, Laurel and Hardy, Abercrombie and Fitch, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers , Bill and Ted, Batman and Robin and Marks and Spencer. Even those who might be regarded as having achieved their success as an individual will be keen to share the glory and attribute that their success has been as a consequence of a collaboration. The pro golfer who acknowledges his Masters win was down to a joint effort between him and his caddy. The formula one driver who thanks his pit team for their expertise and lightning fast tyre changes and refuels. The Olympic diving champion who thanks his father for all the support over the years in taking him to competitions and training.

The world is geared to encouraging collaboration and driving people to come together for the greater good. It wants people to co-operate, to work together, to support one another and share. It recognises that many things become better when they are combined, joined and complemented. Consider, for example phrases such as

“Two heads are better than one.”

“The more the merrier.”

“A problem shared is a problem halved.”

“Greater than the sum of its parts.”

Look around and everywhere you will see that the world believes that combining is desirable. Gin and tonic, burger and fries, ying and yang, fife and drum, the two Steves in a garage (Jobs and Wozniak), the Owl and the Pussycat and even M & Ms. The message is simple;  together we are better.

We hate it.

We do not want to share or pool our resources. What belongs to us always remains with us. We take from others. There is no sense in working together. Not only do we jealously guard what we regard as ours, we fail to see the benefit of partnership. It is an alien concept. If we are to work and live in tandem with others this means that we have to share. We have to share the attention, the credit, the congratulations, the workload and the burden. We find this offends us mightily. There is no sense in sharing the credit with you, that means there is less for us. Less credit equates to less fuel and those are words which strike a sense of dread into our being. Nor will we share the workload by helping, we will not even share by dividing our burden with you, so we each play a part in making the task or problem easier. No, we will dump the lot on you and divest ourselves of any burden whatsoever. Should you solve the problem having been left marooned with it by us and there is the scent of praise in the air, watch how quickly we return to claim it. Yes, the situation was resolved by our quick thinking in delegating to a particular colleague. It was our decisive behaviour and keen leadership qualities which saved the day as we elbow you aside and bask in the congratulatory comments from a higher-up.

Not only will we not work together or share, even in circumstances where normal people would expect that to happen, we regard you as our competition. A couple in a relationship are ordinarily expected to bring different things to the party, support one another, look out for the other, give and take and a fruitful partnership evolves to apparent mutual benefit. That is not the case with us, We regard you as only there to be our appliance and supply us with fuel. We are not designed to do things for you (unless we can see a greater benefit arising for us). You are the enemy. You are trying to hog the limelight that we need. You question us and seek to unseat us from our position of power. Oh yes, we know your game. When you dress up elegantly all you are trying to do is make us look less desirable and shift the focus of everyone’s attention at the party on to you and accordingly you deny us the attention we desperately want. By keeping fit and in shape you are wanting people to be drawn to you, rather than us. Furthermore, you are trying to heighten your desirability so that you can acquire a new partner and leave us. We already have you worked out. You sit and read a lot. We have sussed you out again, You are doing it in the hope that you can gain more knowledge and appear superior to us. You want to belittle us. You want to be able to defeat us in an argument and make us feel small. The cooking class you have signed up for is a ruse by you to demonstrate you are the better cook at home (even though we never do any cooking) but you want to show you are superior to us. Why are you doing this? We are meant to work together aren’t we? You keep doing all these things to try and outshine us, make us look bad and exceed our abilities and we hate this.

Of course we are perfectly entitled to do anything we like to show we are better than you because we are well, better than you. It is also legitimate on our part to keep you browbeaten and under our control. We must not have you competing with us in any way as otherwise you will take away the attention and admiration of others and in turn you will remove the fuel that we need. Like any successful and domineering business (and that is what we are, a business, one that is established for the detection and extraction of fuel) the competition must be diminished and extinguished. That means you.

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Smile For Me

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I just love that special smile of yours. I know that the first time I saw you displaying it that I wanted it for myself. I wanted to be the recipient of that smile and I wanted it so badly, oh so very badly that I went for you with ferocious determination. I watched as it slowly formed, your delectable lips twisting upwards and then parted to allow your teeth to be seen. Many animals bare their teeth as a warning to others to stay back, but not you. As you revealed your teeth and your smile widened into a grin I watched transfixed. I could see the effect it had on those near you. I could see how they felt happier for seeing your smile. I detected it in their faces, in their reactions and if I had been close enough I have little doubt that I would have been able to hear their pleasure and joy as you allowed them to bask in the warmth of your smile. It was inclusive. You showed it to everyone sat around that table and nobody was missed out. You did not break into laughter. That would almost have been vulgar and spoilt the scintillating effect of the way you conveyed such emotion to others near you. I continued to watch from my position across the bar as the words of whoever it was I was with that night, I cannot recall now, became nothing but white noise. I only allowed myself to hear her expressions of irritation at how I was distracted by you.

I made my excuses, feigning illness and dispatched whoever it was I was with, I cannot recall now, in a taxi with an already broken promise to call whoever it was, I cannot recall now and once that person who I cannot now recall had gone I returned to the restaurant. I positioned myself next to your table, sat at the bar and allowed myself to eavesdrop on the conversation that you were engaged in as I allowed myself a closer examination of your smile. It appeared frequently and never diminished in its brilliance. It was engaging, captivating and I had to have it. With customary ease I allowed myself to join your table once the dining had been concluded on the pretext of making a point arising from something you had said. I had already established from the body language around the table that none of the attending men were accompanying you and the behaviour of the other women indicated they were no more than friends. No ring rested on your wedding finger and you responded to my polite intrusion with a brief flash of that smile. I knew the drawbridge was down and the portcullis was up.

Accordingly, I made your smile mine and how I revelled in those perfect lips as they moved into that glorious smile. I had known fuller lips but yours were certainly not what I would call thin. Your left cheek dimpled when you smiled broadly and thereafter I knew that your smile was only truly for me. Yes, you smiled for others and I was proud of you for doing so, allowing them to experience it but only at a fraction of what was reserved for me. I was the sole recipient of the full magnitude of that smile and its amazing effect. You conveyed so much to me with your smile. The times you smiled at me in supportive admiration as I held forth at dinner parties, your appreciative smile when I did something for you, the sensual smile when you knew that our sexual congress was looming, the amazed smile when I stunned you with yet another example of my brilliance, your satisfied smile when you looked at me across the living room from where you were reading a book, safe and content in our world where your smile was mine and nobody else’s. I relished seeing your sleepy smile when I turned to you in the morning and gently kissed you on the nose. I delighted when you contacted me using your video capability on your ‘phone and you deliberately showed only your smiling mouth. Countless times I would record you doing so and play the footage back when I sat alone and relished the sensation which washed over me as I watched.

What made your smile so special was the fact that you gave it willingly to me. You told me that nobody had made you smile as much as I had. I took no issue with that for I knew it was something that I was entirely capable of. Your sweet, illuminating smile belonged to me, was engaged for me and existed just for me. I worked so hard to ensure that your mouth gave me that smile again and again and again. It sustained me and invigorated me, turning a moment of weakness into one of edifying strength in but a moment. I can truly say that nobody else has had a smile which has such an effect on me as yours. I saw what it did for other people and I knew that they were only experiencing a small percentage of what I felt because the true power and radiance of that smile was kept just for me because you understood me, you knew how I needed it and you were content and delighted to provide it to me. It was a beautiful smile, a beguiling smile, an admiring smile, a playful smile, an engaging smile, an enticing smile, an uplifting smile and so much more but above all else it was your special smile. Special for me.

Most of all though I cherished your smile because better than anyone else you knew how to hide everything behind that smile. I knew this is what you did and I knew he began teaching you to do so all that time ago. I made sure  that you continued to use your smile in this way. I completed your learning. Now it cloaked everything that the world did not need to know about. I made your smile extra-special didn’t I?

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Ghosted and Gilded

ghosted-and-gilded

The opportunity to understand the way that the narcissist thinks and behaves is a rare occurrence. Here you will find an array of explanations across different topics and scenarios which will give you unrivalled insight into this dark and destructive individual. Gaining understanding of how this person regards you and the world around him or her is the key to unshackling yourself from the confusion, bewilderment and distress that accompanies any entanglement with a narcissist. This book provides a multitude of observations which will illuminate your understanding and assist you in gaining comprehension of what you are dealing with.

 

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

 

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