All posts by HG Tudor

I am letting you see my worldview for your own protection.

The Aging Narcissist – Part Two

 

THE AGEING NARCISSISTPART TWO.jpg

 

 

The Somatic Narcissist
The Somatic Narcissist is one of our kind who places the greatest stock in physical appearances. This is applicable to the narcissist in terms of being handsome or beautiful with an impressive and pleasing physique, well-dressed, hygienic and alluring using all the benefits of cosmetics and cosmetic surgery available. It also applies to the Somatic’s victims in terms of ensuring that they possess the relevant traits which the Somatic finds appealing, so that they too are physically attractive, well-groomed and such like. Furthermore, the Somatic’s peacocking extends to not just what he or she looks like and that their victim looks like, but also material trappings in terms of income, possessions, size of house and similar. Everything about the Somatic should look fantastic and everything around the Somatic should also look fantastic, just not as fantastic as him or her as clearly it would not be acceptable for the Somatic Narcissist to be outshone by his victim. Accordingly, how would the advancing of age affect this particular cadre, when considered also with reference to the three schools of narcissism? There is much information which can be relayed regarding the effects of aging on the somatic cadre and therefore this will need to be broken down according to each school of narcissism and then subdivided further. This article will address the effects of aging on the Lesser Somatic and first of all with reference to the lowest ranking of the lowest school, the Lower Lesser.
The Lower Lesser Somatic Narcissist – LLSN –
. This individual places great stock in wanting to look good but suffers from the delusion that he is better looking than he actually is. One would not describe him as ugly, he will indeed have a degree of handsomeness about himself but in his mind, he is devilishly handsome. His physique may be decent, but he sees it as extra-special and more ripped and buffed than he really happens to be. Everything about the Lower Lesser Somatic is such that whilst he has some physical attractiveness and would never be described as off-putting in that regard, his regard for his attractiveness in the way that he looks, the way he dresses and his lifestyle is such that he thinks he is irresistible.
Accordingly, when the onset of age arrives and the reasonable physique is lost, weight is gained, the muscle definition vanishes and he does not suit the clothes he insists still on wearing, he does not see this. In his mind, he remains the ravishing prospect he was in his 20s and even then, it was exaggerated. He does not see, in the same way that he does not see that he is a narcissist, he also does not see any deterioration in his looks and physical appeal.
The LLSN will still seek to gather fuel from sources based on his deluded physical attractiveness. He will continue to engage in the infidelity for which Somatics are renowned and regards those who have the somatic traits which he desires as fair game still, viable targets and ripe for the plucking. Accordingly, the primary source of the aging LLSN can expect to experience infidelity during devaluation but also scathing comments about the physical appearance of that primary source if he or she is advanced in age as well. The LLSN does not see his own receding hair line, but considers that his hair still suits him and that whilst the locks may not be leonine in nature, they are still attractive, but he will identify a grey hair on the head of a primary source at ten paces and make disparaging comments about the same. The primary source can expect to have their own physical appearance commented on, thus a sagging bottom will be derided, a weight gain will result in name-calling and dressing in a style appropriate with increasing age will be described as boring and frumpish, even though the LLSN will not see his own appearance as diminished.
This will cause the LLSN to pursue younger targets who are far more attractive and quite frankly out of his league. He will not have even the fallbacks of charm and/or economic power which might cause his targets to overlook his balding pate, missing teeth and paunch. Instead he will become a figure of derision as he insists in frequenting those hunting grounds which once worked so well for him a decade or two ago, but have changed beyond his limited powers.
Should anyone rebuff his attempts to seduce, he will react badly. His fury will be ignited and he will lash out at those who had scoffed at his ham-fisted attempts to ensnare them. He will respond with savage comments about the looks of the recipient of his attention, oblivious to how he is no position to cast stones around. He will hurl drinks over people, smash furniture and with his low control threshold he will engage in physical attacks as well.
This deluded behaviour coupled with the anti-social element of this ignited fury will result in him soon gaining a reputation in his locality, become derided as a figure of scorn and considered as a loser of a barfly. His anger will be taken out on those who reject him and his suffering primary source who, unaware of what he is and of advanced age also, will be unable and/or unwilling to escape him. They will suffer the brunt of his ignited fury as he returns from an evening out wounded by the scathing comments.
The volatile nature of the LLSN means that he will rarely struggle for fuel because he will either
1. Draw it from the negative reactions of those who reject him when he interacts with tertiary and secondary sources;
2. Draw it from the positive and/or negative responses of the long-suffering primary source;
3. Draw it from the positive and/or negative responses of an intimate partner secondary source.
The LLSN’s ability to remain effective in drawing fuel means that he will maintain sufficient energy to keep angling for an affair, a hook-up and a one night stand. He will be repeatedly rejected but in true playing the percentage style, he will eventually find someone who is taken in by his approach and thus he will acquire this intimate partner as a secondary source until he unleashes his fury against her and she loses interest.
The LLSN, in common with the school of being a Lesser, only has a small group of family and friends as secondary sources to begin with. He will rely on these individuals to provide intermittent fuel in the reducing interactions that occur, but he will look to the primary source and other secondary and tertiary sources that he meets out and about for his fuel provision. So long as he has mobility, he will continue to frequent the hunting grounds of his prime, even if he strikes a somewhat incongruous figure because of age, dress sense and music choice. He lacks the awareness to seek out his victims in a more age-appropriate hunting ground and therefore would believe he belongs in the mosh pit rather than at a tea dance.
The LLSN whilst relying on physicality to drive his seduction, does not polish and maintain that physicality like a higher school Somatic. Accordingly, the use of drink, tobacco, drugs – both street and prescription – which are all seen as part of the flash and fast lifestyle which he believes is his by right, will be continued and will begin to take their toll. Unless blessed with a particularly strong constitution, there is a risk that the LLSN will not reach the most advanced years and instead will succumb to the relevant fatal illnesses which are linked to such lifestyle choices.
The LLSN is likely to be found taking his last breaths, drunk, in a rain-soaked alleyway as his heart finally gives up under the strain of the demands he has made on it, with the dimming sound of yesteryear’s hits providing the final soundtrack to his last moments alive.
The Middle Lesser Somatic Narcissist – MLSN
The MLSN suffers from the same delusional outlook as the LLSN and therefore much of his behaviour and outcome will be similar to that described above. The slight difference is that the MLSN will have a little more charm, although not masses of it by any standard and will have a slightly improved economic situation so that when he is trawling the bars and fleshpots in order to seduce those tertiary and secondary sources he may have slightly more success in ensnaring somebody.
Whereas the LLSN cuts a rather isolated figure which lurches from venue to venue seeking a fix of fuel from potential targets, the MLSN as he ages is more likely to create a gang of hangers-on and cronies who will supply fuel and reinforce, in order to secure a free beer or a lift somewhere, the MLSN’s deluded view that he is still gorgeous and attractive. The MLSN will seek reassurance from this coterie as to his appeal and if it is not forthcoming, he will regard that as criticism and he will lash out at the coterie to draw negative fuel. Where the LLSN does this and becomes increasingly isolated by people who are fed up of being shouted at and hit, the MLSN has some ability to draw those coterie members back to him and continue the association.
Ultimately however the MLSN will behave like the LLSN and therefore will have a long-suffering primary source who he returns to repeatedly after engaging in sordid engagements with those he is able, after repeated attempts with different targets, to seduce. He will suffer the same ravages of his lifestyle, the same inability to control his fury when he is rejected and is unlikely to see particular old age as he succumbs to illness and disease as a consequence of his rampant promiscuity and unhealthy lifestyle choices. The main difference that the MLSN has over the LLSN is that he is able to attract people a little more readily owing to slightly higher charm levels and slight increased economic ability, but they are not significant improvements by any stretch of the imagination.
The Upper Lesser Somatic Narcissist – ULSN
The final subdivision of the lesser school is that of the Upper Lesser. How does he fare with the aging process when he is from the somatic cadre? Whereas the LLSN and MLSN are deluded as to the extent of their physical appeal, the ULSN is particularly physical attractive. He will have natural good looks, engages in a rudimentary regime of skin care and hygiene which is sufficient but far removed from that of the Greater Somatic and looks after his body. The female equivalent will attend gym classes, eat reasonably well and use cosmetics as far as she is able within the confines of a lower disposal income than the other schools of narcissism.
The ULSN has enjoyed much success through his or her life by relying on being physically attractive with a dash of pleasant charm to boot. They still possess the low fury control threshold but it is not as poor as that of the Lower Lesser, however when that fury is ignited the ULSN being in the best physical shape of the three subdivisions of Lesser Somatic Narcissists is the one more prone to causing damage and with an extended period of fury.
In terms of the effect of aging, the ULSN is not hampered by delusion but rather operates through the cynical exploitation of easily being able to attract people to him and rely on pure looks, sexual expertise and animal-magnetism as opposed to utilising economic power, intellect, witticisms and/or charm by the ladleful. When aging occurs to the ULSN he finds that his muscles begin to waste, his looks start to fade and the march of time really begins to take its toll. Also a devotee of the beer, cigs and drugs brigade so often the hallmark of Lesser behaviour, the ULSN was able to counter the effects of this when younger by reason of stamina, youth and racing metabolism. Not any longer. He actually suffers the worst swing in physical appearance of the Lessers. The LLSN and the MLSN were not ugly but they were never stunning and therefore there is only so far they can fall in terms of physical appeal. The ULSN has indeed further to fall as he gains weight, loses his hair, sees his athletic prowess much reduced, struggles for breath and so on.
Lacking the back-up of intellect, wit and charm which would be seen with an Elite and lacking the cognitive function of the Mid-Range and Greater, the ULSN is taken by surprise by his sudden reduction in attractiveness. He does not know what to do. He is not afforded the delusional capacity of his other Lesser Somatic bedfellows but rather he looks on in horror at the sagging skin, the watery eyes, the stiffness of movement. He is becoming the very thing he has never wanted to be; old.
He will suffer a crisis of confidence and this will result in him shunning those hunting grounds which he once prowled so easily. Instead, he will turn to his primary source and alternate between wanting reassurance that she or he is still attracted to him or her and lashing out because of his increasing frustration at his withering frame. His rancour will increase as he ages, causing those who might otherwise wish to fraternise with him to remain away. He does not become more distinguished with age nor does he retain that small amount of charm he once had as an Upper Lesser, instead it is swept away by his increasing bitterness and hatred. He will retreat into a shell, turning to pictures of his former beautiful self for a reminder of what was once but in seeking such affirmation he only increases his torture and will rail against the unfairness of it all, lashing out at his primary source.
The ULSN runs the risk of alienating the primary source and having retreated from other sources through increasing shame at his appearance – which is exacerbated by his reduced fuel levels – the ULSN really then does suffer a crisis of existence. He risks depression as he loses what he believed himself to be and without the trappings of wealth to cause a diversion as a higher schooled somatic may have, he finds himself lonely, suffering the ravages of his lifestyle choices, isolated and a bitter and irate figure. He cannot deal with the loss of his looks, the departure of his once excellent physique and has nothing else to turn to by way of compensation. He will struggle to attract fuel sources and will embark on ham-fisted and ultimately failed seduction of secondary sources, whereby he will not gain sufficient positive fuel from the engagement but rather will turn to lashing out against them and the primary source. In his quest to gain fuel from both primary and secondary, but having little or nothing to offer by way of seduction any more, he may find himself without either.
Whilst the LLSN and MLSN may shuffle off this mortal coil at a younger than anticipated age, they will do so still believing themselves to be attractive and irresistible and therefore their passing away will be somewhat cossetted by delusion. The ULSN will face the horrible and stark reality of the deleterious effects of aging, in terms of illness, disease and the loss of looks and will descend into an isolated, unhygienic, weakened state. Once the lifestyle has caught up with them and they collapse with diseased lungs labouring for breath, he will be thinking ‘I used to be gorgeous, what has happened?’ With his construct near collapse from the shortage of fuel, the reality will become even more harsh and it will be a terrifying and brutal end as he is overtaken by the effects of age, sooner than it ought to have been.
Part Three examines the effect of age on the Mid-Range Somatic.

6+
Advertisements

The Three Strands of Empathy

THE3STRANDSOF EMPATHY

The concept of empathy can be divided into three types. There are three identifiable strands.

First of all there is the idea of cognitive empathy whereby one can understand the point of view of another person. I am able to understand another person’s point of view but I will rarely accede to it, unless I see some ulterior gain to be obtained from expressing that I understand their point of view. Even where I explain I understand, I am still unlikely to accept it. The Lesser and the Mid-Range are unable to understand that person’s point of view because it will oppose their own, stand in the way of what they want to achieve and frustrate their aims owing to their differing perspective. They lack the cognitive function to address this. Of course, empathic individuals are experts at understanding another person’s point of view but they will go further than this. They will exhibit patience to allow that point of view to be articulated, they will ask questions to draw out this view and they will apply it to their own situation and experiences. Empathic individuals want to understand the other person’s point of view. They not only give it a platform to begin with, but they also allow it to be aired, expanded and applied. It is little wonder therefore that this cognitive empathy bleeds into the empathic traits of patience, needing to understand and needing to know the truth. Furthermore, having such cognitive empathy means that the empathic individual is far more susceptible to the word salad, circular conversations, lies and half-answers that our kind provide. The empathic individual endures these manipulations as he or she tries to wade through the quagmire in order to flex their cognitive empathy so that they understand the narcissist’s point of view. Of course, since our point of view operates from a completely distorted and different perspective, you have little hope of achieving it.

Secondly, there is also empathy concern whereby one is able to recognise the emotional state of another person, feel a need to address that emotional state and therefore exhibit the appropriate concern for the individual. In all three schools of narcissism, our capacity with regard to empathy concern is skewed. The Greater is always able to perform the recognition part of this but has never been created with the sense of needing to address it even though our increased cognitive function means we can work out, through observation and experience, what the appropriate concerned response should be. This means that we can recognise somebody is in distress, understand that they need help but feel no compulsion whatsoever to provide it. We will however, because we have two of the three parts of empathy concern, feign a concern based on our understanding, but only if we see it as serving our interests. This is why, during seduction especially or for the benefit of the façade during devaluation, we can appear that we are concerned that somebody is worried or upset. We do not feel any need to assist them, but we recognise our own need can be served by doing so.

The Lesser is able to recognise the emotional state of another person, feels no need to address it and is unable to exhibit the appropriate concern for the individual. As a consequence, even during seduction, the Lesser will present as blank-faced when dealing with certain emotional episodes and will often vacate him or herself from the situation. During devaluation, he will only see the fuel advantage from this emotional state and indeed rather than be supportive, since he feels no need to, he will just exploit it further.

The Mid-Ranger also recognises the emotional state, feels no need to address it and has a limited repertoire by way of fake concern. Thus in some instances he can pretend that he is concerned and in others he has no answer and will leave the victim to their woe and distress and has enough calculation to state he has somewhere urgent he must be and thus he escapes the demand for assistance and help made by the victim.

Unsurprisingly, the empathic individual has all three elements of this particular strand of empathy intact and in intense quantities. The empathic individual is able to recognise the emotional state of another with considerable ease, even if they are trying to mask it. They absolutely feel and recognise the need to do something when they see somebody else’s emotional reaction. This compulsion is almost irresistible for the empathic individual and they are also fully-acquainted with what they should do by way of response. They will share in the joy, congratulate when someone is happy through good news, console when someone is miserable and hold them when they are heart-broken. The empathic individual is no different with our kind and see our emotional response – albeit from a limited selection – feels the need to address it and also knows how to address it. Thus when we discharge our fury, our hatred, our envy and our antipathy, the empathic individual owing to this concern empathy is always galvanised into action, will rarely shirk the challenge and addresses the issue even at considerable cost to themselves.

Finally there comes the idea of the emotional contagion. This is a deep-seated and one may even regard it as a spiritual element of the empathic individual. This is not just about understanding a point of view or recognising an emotional need and response, this is about feeling the emotion just as somebody else does. Thus if a friend is upset over the death of a parent, the empathic individual is contaminated by this grief and experiences the same emotions as if they were grieving themselves. This not only means that they fountain with fuel which of course our kind will exploit but that they are powered into recognising the need and doing something about even more than would be afforded by the cognitive empathy and concern empathy. The emotional contagion exists in all empathic individuals but is more intense in certain people. Indeed, its intensity may even go beyond being proximate to the person experiencing the emotion. A highly-attuned individual with the emotional contagion will watch a television programme and where the main character is frightened,they will feel that fear also. They will read a moving newspaper article about the plight of an orphan and they will feel that despair as well. It is an immensely powerful part of empathy and causes the empathic individual to have to respond to it.

We have no such emotional contagion. It is completely absent and therefore we have nothing which might cause us to feel something so we act upon it. There is nothing there. The plight of the orphan is not felt by us and we are utterly unmoved. The fear of the heroine on television is regarded with annoyance since our primary source seems more concerned about that person than us. The only time that we regard this emotional contagion as any use is when it serves our purposes when the empathic individual fountains with fuel because of it and directs their empathic traits towards us. We do not have this contagion and we do not feel anything in the way that you would do.

8+

The Emotional Battle – Part Three

THE EMOTIONAL BATTLEPART THREE.jpg

 

When you have been discarded, you face three battles in order to secure your freedom. The first is the Emotional Battle which you always lose until you learn not fight it. The second is the Heart V Head Battle which must be fought many times until you finally overcome the powerful effects of emotion and allow your cool, hard logic to dictate. Once that battle has been won, you have managed to navigate a way through the emotional ocean and then you have reached dry land on the other side. This is where the third battle is joined. This dry land provides you with a firmer foundation and just like the discovery of the New World, boundless opportunities. You are no longer prone to the vagaries of the swelling and dramatic ocean of emotions. That is not to say that your emotions have been switched off. Far from it. Instead, the solidity of this land is a reflection of the greater control you now have over your emotions as you ally them with the logic that you have regained. No longer do you feel overwhelmed. You are not beset by anxiety. Fear does not maintain a near permanent grip on your stomach. You were repeatedly drowned as you tried to swim the emotional ocean alone in the first battle. You saw yourself swamped and capsized on numerous occasions as reach time you increased your intellect and understanding as you built larger and more seaworthy vessels until finally you navigated your war through that broiling sea of feelings and now you stand on firm, dry and solid land. Your critical thinking has increased, your sense of calm has bloomed and you have gained greater control.

You stand before a land of opportunities and this is where you are now able to make the decisions. In the previous two battles you were overwhelmed and then often on the back foot. Here, in this final battle, you have the opportunity to seize and maintain the upper hand. You have so many choices available to you now.

You may decide to build a large tower and secrete yourself inside. You have the sturdy foundation now on which to construct this edifice. You are safe and secure high up in this tower. You admit visitors but only those that you know can be trusted. Occasionally you hear a knock in the dead of night. You make your way to the balcony and look down from your towering height to see us stood outside knocking on the door and seeking admittance. You may feel the surge of those emotions once more but you have greater control now. You may call out and wave, issuing a polite greeting and no more. You may decide just to turn around and leave us to our ineffectual knocking. Either way in this battle you have seized control and you are far better equipped to make rational decisions which suit you and prevent you from being wholly governed by those turbulent emotions.

You may decide to forge ahead and seek out new adventures in this land. You meet new people and form fresh and lasting friendships, perhaps even finding someone with whom you can share intimacy and romance. As you trek through this land, gathering new friends and revisiting those who were conned into severing the ties with you, you remain vigilant for out of nowhere we might appear. We might strike, lurching through a crowd hurling insults. You are better armed this time and able to shield yourself before moving away, refusing to be drawn into responding and a war of words like you once might have done. It may be the case, as you embrace these new horizons that we appear, smiling and benign, sidling up to you and taking you by surprise. The risk always remains, for if you are abroad within this new land, you cannot place yourself behind sturdy defences. Thus, you remain exposed to ambush and approach. You remain better equipped than you were, as a consequence of your gathered learning, your increased understanding and ongoing recovery. You are in a better position to rebuff the ambush, refusing to engage and making your departure to safer ground. Sometimes you may be caught and those emotions wash about you as we try to haul you back across the sea to a time when you were alone and going under the lashing waves. This risk always remains.

You may opt to establish an estate where you do not take refuge in some tower, but instead you create a place of familiarity where everyone is known to you and you are known to them. You have your supporters in clear view and whilst you may not tread down the path less travelled in search of new territories you reduce your risk of us appearing out of nowhere. These familiar places enable you to maintain clear lines of sight so that if we do make an appearance you are able to take suitable evasive action.

This final battle takes the form of repeated skirmishes as we seek to catch you unawares and drag you back to an earlier battle where our prospects of success are maximised. Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes one of our devious ploys catches you unaware and we scale your tower and appear on your balcony like that once desired Prince Charming again and your defences are breached. Other times you repel our approaches, turning your back or cutting us down with new learned techniques which force us to withdraw. You may see no action for weeks, months and even years as new reaches you that we are fighting on other fronts, seemingly content to leave you be. At least for the time being. Then out of nowhere you may reduce your vigilance and we are by your side, seeking to snake our tendrils around you once again. In this final battle you now know what to look for. When we march on to the battle field you see and take heed of the red flags which stream behind us. You have learned methods by which you can counter and neutralise our manipulations. You have established safe territories to which you might retreat if the need arises. You have fashioned your own armoury in this new land of hope and promise. You now know how you can wound us and now, exerting greater control, you do so which gives us no option but to disengage from the skirmish and skulk away to lick our wounds and regroup.

This final battle takes place in a land where the battlefield, for the first time, is more of your choosing than ours. You have better equipped to fight this battle and whilst there remains a risk of defeat and you being ensnared once again, it is far less than in the previous two battles. You are battle-hardened and those scars are worn as badges of honour as you stand tall for the first time in, well, you cannot recall when that last happened, but it has happened at last.

Thus, this is the final battle post discard. The battle that takes place on dry land. Should you overcome the first two battles, this is where you will find yourself. Now you understand where you will end up as you deal with the fallout from being discarded. Now you are aware of what will happen, what to expect and how you are in a better position to keep winning the skirmishes in this final battle. This only leaves one question remaining. How long will this final battle last?

It will continue until one of us no longer lives.

9+

Time and the Narcissist – Part One

THE AGEING NARCISSIST -PART ONE

I am often asked about the effects of the advancement of time on our kind. I have written about how this affected one of my uncles, Robert and how I have laid plans to explain how his fate will not befall me. What, though, of how the advancement of time and aging impacts on our kind more generally? The standard question that is asked is whether a narcissist will get better or worse with age. As you might expect, it is not as straight forward as that as it will depend on the cadre of narcissist and the relevant school.

The Victim Cadre

All of our kind see ourselves as victims and will make use of emotional blackmail, pity plays and drives for sympathy as part of the narcissistic arsenal to further our aims, but one cadre of narcissist takes it to an extreme and relies on sympathy, pity and being cared for more often and more intensely and thus amounts to being a Victim Narcissist.

The Lesser Victim

Age will give the LVN more to complain about, more to point to and more to seek sympathy for. Used to already drawing his fuel primarily through the application of concern, sympathy and caring, he can look forward to getting more of this as time advances. As his illnesses become worse, his flesh weakens and his conditions become all the more debilitating he will rely heavily on gaining his fuel from his primary source who is likely to be his primary carer. Lacking the ability to seek fuel from fraternising with new sources, the LVN will look to have his fuel levels maintained by the primary source and a small group of family and friends.

He will be something of a curmudgeon, always complaining about his aches and pains in order to draw that fuel and will be seen as a burden. Lacking control, he will often erupt when he feels he is not being cared for and his physical pains become too great for him. He will have chosen most likely a Carrier Empath to shoulder this burden but if the primary source should ever escape, although this is less likely as the relevant primary source will have been selected for his or her quality caring and domestic attributes, he is likely to be moved to a care home where a succession of carers will be shunted between primary – non intimate – sources and secondary sources.

The LVN in advanced age will struggle to find a replacement intimate partner primary source if he or she is lost. This is because the LVN relies on solely his need to be mothered and looked after as his ‘selling point’. His own parents will be dead and therefore they cannot be promoted to primary source and he will lack the mobility and cognitive function to seduce a new intimate partner primary source. He can do this when younger, when his conditions are not as extensive and he finds that especially caring individual but when he is much older, he does not have this option. He has neither charm, money or intellect to draw a younger appliance to him and therefore the LVN runs the risk of losing the long-standing primary source through his rants and tantrums.

He will find himself trying to rely on family members, possibly brother, sisters or children, as secondary sources but none will be willing to adopt the mantle of primary source as they will have their own lives to lead and unless the LVN can sustain fuel from these secondary sources along with professional carers also as secondary sources, he faces a diminution in fuel which will add a further weakness to the physical and mental ones which have already amassed. Decrepitude is inevitable.

The aged LVN becomes even more unappealing with age. Furious at his limitations, unable to control that fury, but weakened from fuel losses, his is an unpleasant dotage. He will lash out at those who care for him, running the risk of isolating them and becoming the author of his own misfortune as he is visited less and less by a reducing pool of friends and family. If able to secure professional care, he will be regarded as a cantankerous and unpleasant charge for those caring for him who only do so out of a sense of professional obligation and therefore the fuel provided by these professional caregivers will be limited. He will invariably lack mobility and even access to technology is unlikely to assist through reduced cognitive function, diminished hearing and eyesight.

He will also have led a life which has been poor in terms of health and hygiene. He may well have issues with drink and will turn to this in particular as he slowly drinks himself to death, using it as a crutch against the cruelty of the world leaving him in this manner. He will sink into a routine of demanding his fix of drink or tobacco, caring not for the deleterious impact it will have, but rather needing the short-term boost it provides him with, oblivious to the downward spiral he has embarked on.

A combination of poor lifestyle choices, pre-existing health problems and the potential loss of a primary source caregiver, with other sources remaining away owing to the unpleasant, nasty and malodorous nature of the LVN means that they are more likely to face death in their 50s and 60s.

The LVN, unable to control his beast, will frighten away those but the most hardy and thus he runs a considerable risk of descending into decrepitude, alone, furious and unloved as his already shortened days come to an ignominious end.

The Mid-Range Victim

The MRVN follows a similar path to that of the LVN. Age will not be kind to him, increasing his discomfort, exacerbating his pain and making him rail against the unfairness of his situation. Whereas the LVN becomes the architect of his isolation by his inability to keep his fury under control at those around him, the MRVN has an increased cognitive function which he or she will put to better use.

The MRVN will retain some degree of charm, though nowhere near the standard of the greater, but he will be able to amuse and draw people to him, politely seeking their assistance with lowering him into the bath or rubbing lotions into his aching limbs. He does not like this reliance but has enough awareness to realise that he needs the assistance of others and he also has sufficient control over his fury to avoid lashing out in a fit of temper against those he needs to care for him

The MRVN stands a better chance of holding on to his primary source and also recognises that this person not only cares for him and thus provides fuel, but will provide a host of residual benefits and accordingly his machinations will mellow as he ages. He has enough acumen to recognise that having someone cook, clean and care for him as he ages is a useful trade-off for sticking with the same person. The likelihood of infidelity will diminish considerably from an already low point since Victim Narcissists have little interest in sex but rather use their general incompetence or impotence in that arena to garner the sympathy that fuels them. They have no need to be applauded for being a sexual Olympian when they can roll out a pity play for the inability to perform and blame it on some long-standing imagined fear.

As the MRVN ages there will be a lessening of the drama that once existed and with decreased energy levels he can no longer sustain the playing off of people against one another and instead focuses on just receiving their emotional attention and being cared for. He will use his moderate degree of charm to ask people to come and see him, pretending to take an interest in what the grandchildren are doing or how his favourite nephew is getting on with his new job. He will place a sprinkling of sugar in order to get those secondary sources to pay heed to him. The MRVN will make particular use of familial secondary sources during his dotage and indeed the primary source can witness a lessening of their burden as a ‘reward’ for sticking with the MRVN. If these mild charm offensives do not work however, what you will notice is that what fury is ignited will manifest as emotional blackmail and sulking as the MRVN coerces secondary sources into caring for him and visiting to provide fuel.

‘I am your father, not that it seems to matter to you, you haven’t visited me in two weeks.’

‘I will just sit here on my own shall I while you gad about, you selfish so and so.’

‘Old Bill gets plenty of visitors so I am left wondering where mine are.’

The family and friends of the MRVN can expect such spikey comments to be made in telephone calls and messages for the purposes of emotionally blackmailing those sources into providing fuel.

The MRVN will ensure he is well-cared for with a motivated primary source and plenty of secondary sources, galvanised through the carrot of mild charm or the stick of emotional blackmail. He is unlikely to struggle for fuel and recognises the considerable advantages of keeping onside the primary and secondary sources for the residual benefits. He is not as short-sighted, either literally or figuratively, as the LVN. For the most part, his demeanour will improve, save for occasional sulks and silent treatments, but these will not be as prolific as when he was younger. His old age will be comfortable for him as he is content to settle into the routine of being cared for and given a reasonable level of fuel , able to recognise his limitations and control his fury, for the most part. Those around him will find the occasional period of self-centred sulking and demands for assistance, but will most likely find him to be less arduous that he was when was younger.

The MRVN will have taken a reasonably sensible course through life and notwithstanding his ailments and physical shortcomings, he will have sufficient charm and economic power to ensure that the autumn of his life is relatively comfortable, if restricted. He will confine himself to his ‘tower’ and expect others to attend on him.

The Greater Victim

This combination of cadre and school does not exist.

Part Two will address the Somatic cadre and the relevant schools applicable to that type of narcissist.

5+

Defend Yourself

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

By understanding how we act and think, you build your cool, hard logic. This is a completely necessary act of self-help to bring your emotional thinking under control and in turn, maximise your ability to secure freedom from the narcissist.

This collection of books will furnish you with unrivalled understanding and include bonus material.

Read to understand. Understand to Counter. Counter and become free.

US e-books here

UK E-books here

CAN e-books here

AUS e-books here

2+

A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 66

 

JIMMY LETTER

I don’t know what to say. Because, in all honesty, I don’t know who you are. I have spent the last year educating myself and healing myself from my experience with you. It has been both incredibly painful, yet equally rewarding to heal from abuse. At a certain point, my education into what you are had to cease, and the recovery process needed all of my focus.

I do forgive you. I understand that your disorder drives you to do the things you do, even though they are plotted, premeditated, planned, and executed with your cognizant awareness from right and wrong and your understanding of your betrayals and manipulations, I do understand that you cannot control it. Therefore I cannot judge the afflicted, just as we cannot blame the crippled for being unable to walk.
I forgive myself as well. Although anything a victim has to do in order to survive abuse is forgivable, I do have a responsibility in enabling your abuse. There were moments very early on where I knew you weren’t being true to me and I, as a classic/textbook codependent, stayed in the hopes that you would change. It was only until very recently that I accepted your disorder as maladaptive. I absolutely did everything I could to change it, and for that ignorance, I am guilty.
The releasing of my resentment towards you is where I am at in my healing process, and forgiveness is necessary in order for me to move on. I have been holding onto the resentments that come after being so betrayed and for so very long – since Day One, actually. And this too was designed by you. To leave someone so utterly devastated and continue to abuse is a common manifestation in the discard phase of your disorder. Learning more of your betrayals after your departure was simply adding insult to deep injuries. So, obviously, healing from such abuse, both during and after, is a huge mountain to climb.
I also know these words mean nothing to you. My forgiveness, my compassion…in terms of your receiving these sentiments, is irrelevant to you. I understand that you have deleted me from your life. These words aren’t really for you. They are for me. You have my forgiveness. I can never forget, nor will I ever. I will certainly stay as far away as I can from you, no matter where I am, but I will forever remain vigilant with very strict boundaries and a zero-tolerance policy for your abuse, or your abuse by proxy – the people in your life.
The recovery from abuse exposed myself to some very real issues of codependency I am working through. So thank you. In a twisted sort of way, recovering from your abuse made me a better person than I ever was…and certainly no one you, or anyone in your world, has the fortitude to have the pleasure and honor of being in my life. So please do not try. We have a history of making threats to each other, so I am breaking that cycle and appealing to your common senses. We have nothing to say to each other. You (who you are) never truly existed in my world and so, you cannot exist in it now. Please do not attempt to further contact me. What we had was a charade. It was a mind-fuck of epic proportions to un-fuck, and the effort in doing so was equally epic. We never had anything before – we will have nothing now or in the future.
I never had you, so there is no loss. You truly had me, I was devotedly yours.  And that’s what you lost.
I understand your torment much more and I truly hope you find peace.
31+