I am letting you see my worldview for your own protection.

 

HOT CHOCOLATE´S LETTER

I think of you often as you haunt my mind. You were the darkness who borrowed my soul. You chose not to steal it as you knew I would give it freely. Nothing felt dark.

I understood what you were. I gave myself to you because I wanted to share what I had. I wanted you to feel it and I want to experience life with you.
I made a choice. I was treated well by you .

The laughter, the stories, the dates, the love making, the kisses, the tears, the joy.

It was just you and I . It was our moment.

Until it wasn’t:

Hot chocolate

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My kind savage your heart. We pollute your mind. We ravage your soul. One of the all-pervasive elements of your entanglement with us is just how unbelievable it all is. This operates in two ways. You find it unbelievable at the time and you find it unbelievable afterwards, although often in a different way. This creates confusion, bewilderment, emotional overload and paralysis which are as you are now aware, are key components of exerting control over you. This unbelievable behaviour is found at every stage of your entanglement.

  1. Seduction

It is unbelievable just how amazing our love for you is when you are being love-bombed, it is unbelievable but you will not reject it because it feels so wonderful, so uplifting and so joyous. It is then unbelievable later that someone who loved you in such a way could suddenly stop doing so. Even later, you still find it unbelievable that it was fake. Surely we did love you? Surely we had those feelings for you? It is unbelievable that we could not have done. Do you see how this lack of believability can twist and turn, morphing into a new angle, yet remaining in place to confuse and puzzle you?

  1. Devaluation

It is unbelievable that somebody can turn to quickly from being loving to being awful. It is unbelievable that a person can behave in such a way towards somebody who they say that they love. It is unbelievable how long you put up with this behaviour for. It is unbelievable that this behaviour could last for as long as it did. It is unbelievable that this person cannot understand what they are doing and see what they are doing is wrong. It is unbelievable that they cannot be helped.

  1. Discard

It is unbelievable that someone can just vanish like that. It is unbelievable that someone can move on to someone else in the blink of an eye. It is unbelievable that the new target cannot see what is really happening. It is unbelievable that the new victim won’t accept what you tell them about us. It is unbelievable how we ignore you, refuse to speak to you and treat you like we never knew you after everything that has been said and done. It is unbelievable that you have been treated like this after everything that you did. It is unbelievable that he is saying so many lies and hurtful things to other people about you.

  1. The Post Discard Hoover

It is unbelievable that someone can just waltz back into your life like nothing has happened and carry on as normal. It is unbelievable how much you want that person to contact you even though you have suffered terribly. It is unbelievable just how much you miss this person. It is unbelievable how he has said all those horrible things to other people and then brushes it to one side.

It is unbelievable that you want this person so much. It is unbelievable that you cannot stop thinking about us.

So many unbelievable matters and what is the cumulative effect of all this? You are bewildered, unable to comprehend what has happened, unable to make sense of it all and you are left a whirlpool of emotions. You are dizzy, disorientated and unable to pick a path to stick to in order to reach safety. You can be picked off again with ease by our kind.

To add to the sheer unbelievable nature of what you have endured is the fact that so few people can actually understand what has happened either. They may have been brainwashed by us, they may just not want to get involved or they just cannot understand how somebody can behave like that and think you are either exaggerating or they are so stunned they cannot offer you any practical assistance. The power of this lack of believability and the effect of disbelief are substantial and they act as double hammer blows against your recovery.

How do you tackle the sheer scale of disbelief from both you and those around you?

  1. Understand what you have been entangled with. Really understand.
  2. Understand that our kind operate in a different reality to you.
  3. Avoid over analysis of our motives. Until you grasp points one and two, such analysis is futile and detrimental.
  4. Do you really need so many people to believe you? Are you not propounding the pain by repeatedly explaining it to people who are unwilling or unable to help? Don’t approach this in a scattergun manner.
  5. Don’t seek answers from us. You won’t get them. Ever.
  6. Do not expect everyone to understand. They have not experienced it.
  7. Identify promptly those who can be relied on and ensure they understand. Conserve your energy for these true supporters and do not waste it on lost causes.
  8. Read, read and read so you understand.
  9. Build your vessel of logic and understanding. You need it to get across the emotional sea which this disbelief is keeping you in.
  10. Use independent evidence, not just your say so, to support your position and break down disbelief.
  11. Accept some people will always be on our side. Don’t waste time trying to persuade them. You are not going to convince them.
  12. Don’t waste time trying to tell the world at large about how awful we are. You may want everyone to know but this is a futile exercise. We have already smeared you and you are just paying into our hands.
  13. Don’t bother attacking our façade unless you have the energy and credible independent exercise. You will use up valuable energy trying to tackle a wall that believes us and not you.
  14. Many people experience our kind but few people understand that they have done so. It is hard trying to persuade people that they have encountered a narcissist. We make it that way.
  15. Ultimately, it is you who matters most and has to shake the disbelief ahead of everybody else. Concentrate on that.

Are you or somebody you know chained to the narcissist? Are you a co-dependent? What does this mean? How did you become this way? How does the narcissist know what you are? How does the narcissist exploit this condition and how might you escape him? These questions and more are posed and answered in this fascinating book. Delivered direct from the dark-hearted master, the narcissist provides his unique observations on those who are co-dependent and find themselves chained to the narcissist.

US e-book here

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One of the most fundamental questions that must be answered is

“Is he or she a narcissist?”

You need to detect the narcissist and who better to do so on your behalf than me, with my extensive and unrivalled expertise.

Whether it is your husband, girlfriend, boss, brother, neighbour or best friend, ascertaining whether this person is a narcissist (or not) is crucial with regard to putting your mind at ease, formulating a plan to deal with the manipulations of the narcissist and to enabling you to secure freedom.

Knowing if the relevant person is a narcissist is the foundation stone of achieving understanding and freedom.

Submit to me information about the individual as per the guidance sheet which is provided once the consultation is booked and engage my narcissist detection expertise to confirm whether the person is a narcissist and if so, their school and cadre.

The process

  1. Effect payment.
  2. You will be e-mailed a common sense protocol governing the terms of the consultation.
  3. You will be e-mailed a guidance sheet assisting you with the type of information you should provide to maximise the accuracy of my assessment.
  4. You then submit upto 1200 words. If you exceed this then please purchase additional words at US $ 40 per 500 words, you may purchase as many additional bundles as you require.
  5. I will provide an audio file confirming whether the individual is a narcissist and if so, explaining why along with detail as to their school and cadre. This will be provided within 96 hours of submission of your information.

To effect payment, use the PayPal button(s) below and I shall be in touch  shortly thereafter.

(Please note if you experience a delay in hearing from me this is likely to be as a consequence of my absence owing to professional matters. Feel free to email me and if I am away, my out of office reply will give you the relevant details as to when you can expect to hear from me.)


Narc Detector


 

Many people state that my kind and me lack empathy. I don’t like that attitude. First of all it amounts to a criticism and I am not to be criticised. Secondly, empathy is regarded by some as the ability of blurring the line between self and other. The handy dose of empathy pictured above underlines this. In fact I am amongst the best at blurring the line between self and other. I am a champion at it. One of my killer lines of seduction is to declare

“I don’t where you end and where I begin we are merged into one.”

If that is not a blurring of the line between self and other I do not know what is. I repeatedly explain that I see people as extensions of myself, they are objects that become subsumed within what I am as I swallow up their identity and use their traits as my own. Blurring of lines? I would argue that that is an obliteration. By that definition I am absolutely oozing empathy aren’t I?

The third reason that I do not like the suggestion that I lack empathy is that empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of others. Again, I understand the feelings of others to a high degree. How can I manipulate those feelings if I do not understand them? Some of our kind instinctively behave in a manner which causes manipulation. They do not have much thought behind the process but they act in this fashion because it is all they know. It is all they have been conditioned and programmed to do. They do not need to consider what they are doing because it just happens and then the manipulation unfolds. Those of us at the greater end of the scale of narcissists do consider what to do in terms of our manipulation. We are always plotting and scheming as we reflect on the best way of manipulating you to do what we want and provide us with our precious fuel. I sit and consider the most effective ways of wielding my devilish toolkit in order to provoke and engender the most rewarding emotional reactions from you.  I work through the schemes and machinations as I dream up new ways of provoking you. I analyse your life, what you do and what you say and then work out how I can then use that material to make you react.If I did not understand how certain things would make you feel, how can I know how best to manipulate you? I understand all about your feelings because I watch you and I observe and I remember. I have done this many times to your type and therefore I have built up an acquired knowledge of the ways that people such as you will react. I sit and consider what I can do to make you hurt, make you cry and make you frustrated. I know you so well I know exactly which buttons to press. I know which emotions to coax from you and because I understand this I know precisely what to do to achieve this. For some of you a cold front of silent treatment will make you pour forth that fuel as you frantically call and cry, worried as to why we have stopped speaking to you. With others a prolonged period of triangulation brings out the emotional response required because you always compete with someone or something that you perceive as a threat.

The fact you show your feelings so readily is joyously received by us. You provide us with a manual from which we can learn. We can mimic your emotions so our fakery continues to draw you in, make you feel sorry for us and have you focussed on us. Your exhibitionism in this regard allows us to understand which emotions run deepest in you and also the ways in which these emotions can be brought to the surface. We have to know how you feel so we can then influence how you will feel. I understand your emotions. That is demonstrating empathy is it not? Would you now say that we lack empathy?

You cannot say that we do not care about your feelings either. We care about them because we need those feelings because they provide us with fuel. We need to know that you will feel and show those feelings to us. We care very much about your feelings as without them we would be denied our fuel and that is fatal to us. We care about your manifestation of those feelings and that they are directed towards us. What we do not care about is their effect on you. That is of no interest to us because it serves no purpose to us. If you are left anxious, unable to eat or sleep then all we care about is that your anxiety is shown to us. The impact on your health and well being is of no concern to us because that does not provide us with fuel. It is not our role because of the way we are to make you feel better (unless of course that is required in order to obtain further fuel) but it is our role to make you feel so you give us fuel. We have no interest in the day-to-day or long-term effects of how you are feeling just so long as you can keep showing your emotions to us and giving us fuel. We have nothing to gain in alleviating your sadness. We have no interest in offering solutions to make your pain and misery go away. That is the brutal truth.

Don’t say however we do not understand how you feel. We most certainly do because we have to know this in order to exploit your feelings further. Indeed we often make you feel that way on purpose so we know exactly how you feel. We need to know the best way to pull on your strings and this means understanding how you will feel and react. So that is empathy for you indeed. Who would have thought it? Empathy from the devil. How ironic.

 

NIKI´S LETTER

Him:
Niki,
I’m sorry to bother you, I just have a couple of things to say.
No matter what’s going on in my life not one single day has gone by where I don’t think of you, and wonder how you are and hope you are doing OK.
No matter what happen with us I don’t think you ever knew how much I really loved you and loved being with you all the crazy shit.
I just don’t want you to think it was all for nothing.
No matter what happened you and I are the only two people who truly know our feelings and what we had.
I’m still a walking hot mess.
Probably always will be. Lol
There were so many good times in our relationships, I have never forgot those.
Sadly there was a lot of bullshit and hurt as well. And a lot of those situations I don’t think I dealt with very well.
I’m sorry for that.
I’m sorry for all the bullshit and the hurt.
Never my intention.
When you came to my house back in November or year to the day of our break up ironically when you called I was back up in the treehouse, The same place I was a year ago that day. I thought my heart might explode.
I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone, even though what you had to say it would probably rip me apart.
Three times.
Hate, anger, and grudges are terrible for the soul, especially towards someone you once loved.
I think it’s never too late to say sorry.
We both did things that hurt the other.
I’m sorry for that.
These are words that I should’ve said to you along time ago.
I’m sorry that I didn’t.
I’m sorry that we are wandering this world apart.
But, that in itself can be freedom and adventure. I hope you are finding both.
I can’t think of the band right now but that song sorry, streaming through my head. Buckcherry, I think.
We had the most crazy passionate wild relationship I have ever had, I’m sorry we couldn’t tame it to our level.
I hope you hear and feel these words.
No need to respond to me, it’s just stuff I want to say to you, and should have long ago.
I wish you well, and happiness.
You were, and are, one of a kind, Niki.
I always knew that.
One last,
Sorry.
Michael
I can’t tell you how many times, HG.
And, just within that text, so many triggering strings of words.
I believed we were twin flames – that was the only way to make it all fit together, the “runner/chaser” dynamic. I held so tightly to that, and the notion that love would conquer all.
I stumbled upon your blog in early 2017, in the midst of a discard… Searching for answers… did tons of research. Still, I didn’t want to believe it. I gave him one last chance. He’d come back with a ring, and a whole slew of promises.
I see now that he was a karmic soulmate.
Hell bent on teaching me one fuck of a life lesson.
I felt it coming, this hoover. I know when he’s fixing to come back. We always seemed to have this strange energetic connection.
I waited a month to respond, watched silently as he went through the motions of what he thought would be enough to worm his way back in, yet again. All of it, without coming physically closer than driving by my house.
All that bravado.
Deep down, he’s a pussy.
He’s already in what looks to be a serious relationship with someone from my town (lives 45 minutes away).
Ass.
I know her. Want to warn her.
But, I know – it won’t do any good.
It goes beyond the reaches of my better judgement to respond at all.
I trust you understand the weight of that sentence.
Letting it be at the words you sent could be considered close to perfect.
Bittersweet.
Even romantic.
Flowers spread over the wreckage.
Of what was.
What could have been.
But, doing so would fail to honour all that I am, what lives within me – the girl you had – and oh, you had her – but, never really invested in knowing.
Head and heart – always the most beautiful war.
There’s a part of me that never wants to see your face again.
And, another that longs for that last dance.
That last kiss.
Let me be clear that this is not an invitation to re-open the lines of communication.
Look, and drive by, all you like.
But, keep your distance.
I owe you nothing, especially that of the thoughts on my mind, however, and for the sake of honouring where we’ve been:
You know (underline that) how much I loved you.
A part of me will, evermore.
Of course, I think of you too.
There are things that will always remind me of you.
There are places that make my heart reach for yours.
There are images I’m sure will never leave my mind.
And, when I run into something that I know you would appreciate too, well…
But, it’s never served me well to place faith in your better-late-than-never-apologies, nor your sober moments (“I’m making the biggest mistake of my life”, etc), has it?
What you sent sounds so familiar to every other time you’ve circled back with your tail between your legs.
You’ve always been so good at telling me what I want to hear, and proving that you lack the substance to live up to the words you speak.
I am your fool no more.
Though it may never be too late to say you’re sorry, when it comes to you and I, it’s not enough.
I’ll grant you my forgiveness.
But, I will never forget.
It would take far more than an apology, more than I’ve known, and witnessed you to be capable of, to see yourself standing – once again – anywhere near my good graces.
You’ve crossed too many lines.
Were beyond reckless with a heart that only wanted to love you beyond logic and reason.
Make no mistake, there is a difference between holding a grudge, and standing firm in one’s experience.
I’ve no regrets.
I’ve learned so much from, and because of you.
That’s the thing about soul contracts/mates.
No matter which category they fall under, their purpose is to teach us, to bring to the surface all we need to heal.
No matter what transpires, the connection – on that soul level – endures.
So…
Thank you.
Thank you.
A million times, thank you.
For the beauty. For the damage.
For the good, the bad, and the ugly.
You have no idea just how you’ve shaped me, and I will be eternally grateful for that.
Strange to think that 2 days from now, we could have been married.
It would have been 7 years.
Happy 14th.
I’ll take a moment, crack a beer, throw on Sometimes on a Sunday, dance without you, and toast the memories, what was good (because when it was good, God, it was so good, but it never outweighed the bad), and the high hopes I had for us.
Maybe even allow myself to miss you.
Then, I’ll remind myself that, “Knowledge of poisons is essential.”
And, get right back to being free.
Yes. I am enjoying it.
Re-learning just what it means, and all that it entails.
Very. Much.
We’ll always have the radio Gods, Michael.
Be well.
Under the same sky,
•N•

You want to be someone to my kind and me.

That will not happen.

You are a something to us, not a someone.

I do not relate to you. Why should I? I regard myself as superior, elevated and special. The petty concerns which govern your life do not apply to me. I do not do accountability. Certainly I have some understanding of what it means to be you, after all I have listened to you tell me so many times about how you feel and I have watched you and others like you so often. I do not feel it however. I cannot put myself in your shoes. I do not want to and even if I did, I am unable to do so because I neither have that emotional empathy or the even stronger emotional contagion that you experience.

Yes, I can see the differences between you and her, him and them. I can see the contrasts in height, body shape, she has green eyes and you have blue eyes, he has no hair and he has dreadlocks. I recognise physical attractiveness, I see the different clothes that you wear, the variances in shoes worn, jewellery displayed and such like. I notice all of that but that does not make you more of a person to me. It is merely the distinction between a washing machine that is white and one which is silver.

Take my television which is placed at the far end of the main sitting room. It is a Samsung Curved SUHD HDR Dot Smart TV 78″ television that I primarily watch sport on. It provides me with a picture which is in pinsharp crikey vision with a scintillating array of colours. The sound is impressive and it looks sleek and attractive. It delivers an outstanding display and therefore delivers what I require of it.

Take you as my primary source. I can see that you stand 5ft 9″ in height, you are slender, with pale skin and long brown hair to the small of your back, which becomes slightly wavy towards the end. Your face is oval. Your eyes are green. You look sleek and attractive. You are an outstanding display of physical attractiveness. I know all this but your primary purpose is to provide me with positive fuel and you do so impressively. You therefore deliver that which  I require of you.

You are no different to my television. You are there to provide a function. You are to deliver in accordance with the Prime Aims, which are the provision of fuel, character traits and residual benefits. If you do and you do so in a fulsome manner, you are a high functioning appliance. If you do not, you are a malfunctioning one.

You and the television are there to do things for me, because I am entitled to that.

I press your buttons by seducing you or later provoking you and you must churn out fuel for me. You at the time of the golden period are my favourite appliance. I have many appliances, other objects which spew out fuel in varying quantities and differing potencies. I have connected all of these appliances to me because again my objectification of you is also linked to the need to exert control. If I want to eat some toast, I place two slices of bread in my Alessi toaster and press the lever down, adjust the relevant control to govern the degree of toasting required and a minute or two later I have two perfectly toasted slices. It works each and every time. I control it. It does what i want. It does not refuse to toast my bread, it does not only toast one side, it does not fire the bread back at me or instead produce a different outcome altogether by presenting me with a leg of lamb. I expect you to be equally compliant and effective. I do not understand why you should not be. You are there to do what I want, I am entitled to receive the Prime Aims and since I installed you as my primary source, you should be delivering them repeatedly, consistently and without interruption. I am not interested in the vagaries of your life which impacts upon your ability to function because of my sense of entitlement, my notion of superiority and of course my incessant needs and demands.

Objects are far easier to control. They are installed, powered and they function. If they stop functioning then they are thrown away and they are replaced. Accordingly, when you stop delivering in accordance with the Prime Aims you suffer the same fate. I do not have time to repair you, you are put to one side and a better, shinier, more effective model takes your place. How did I ever manage without it? Why did I put up with you as a faltering appliance for so long?

You may look at your replacement and wonder why on earth that appliance has been chosen over you. It might be because you gave everything you could to us. It might be because you can see that you are more capable, more interesting, more intelligent and better looking than your replacement. Perhaps you are, perhaps those distinguishing features are there, but you were not delivering in accordance with the Prime Aims and your replacement is doing so which means that they are infinitely superior to you. You are dispensable. Ally the fact that we see you and others as objects with our necessity for performance, our lack of remorse and conscience and you can understand (or maybe begin to understand) why we find it so easy to dis-engage with you and place you on the scrap heap and choose another appliance with such ease.

If you end a relationship, you may be concerned to ensure that the other person is not too devastated, that they are doing okay because even though you may not want to be in a Formal Relationship longer you largely still care about the well-being of another human being. To us that is pointless. Why use your energy dealing with something that is ineffective? That is a waste of time.

Your objectification makes it far easier for us to function. By regarding you as just another object which is there to perform for us, that is to be controlled by us and can be readily replaced when we deem it necessary, we achieve our aims far more readily. Performance and control are key and this is what objects do. Whether it is an ornament which looks beautiful and we can place where we want, to a motor vehicle which delivers us from A to B or a dishwasher which provides us with clean and streak free shining glasses, we control them all and they perform.

This objectification extends into how we regard different objects. For example, when you are seduced and embedded as the intimate partner primary source, you are our most prized possession. You are the one which will give us the necessary positive fuel each and every day in large amounts and with considerable potency. This means you will be looked after, you will be treated well, you will be paraded and shown off, like some prize piece of art or an expensive necklace. You will be placed carefully on that pedestal, polished, cleaned and maintained.

The tertiary source which works in the garage where we fill up with petrol every week is like an old teddy bear. We always say hello and receive a pleasant dollop of positive fuel as we feign interest in this person’s humdrum life. We have known this person for years and like that teddy bear, we see no need to throw them away, not yet, but nor do we regard there as being any necessity for maintenance. Accordingly, the corresponding teddy bear has a eye missing, some stuffing is spilling from inside and the fur has faded.

In the same way that one is careful with a delicate and expensive mirror, we will treat our appliances in the same way. Some can be kicked to one side, scuffed and stained, like a pair of old trainers, others are handled with care until we decide otherwise. Our appliances in our fuel network are regarded and handled in differing ways.

The trophy appliances, the primary source in the golden period or the longstanding inner circle successful friends who are non-intimate secondary sources, are displayed and shown off regularly. The much maligned familial non-intimate secondary source, a scapegoated sibling or child, is the hideous jumper that is only ever worn when it really has to be done and is otherwise derided and ridiculed. Our Lieutenants are our tools, the devices which we depend on to do our bidding as they are deployed to achieve our aims.

Our objectification of you is necessary for the purposes of maintaining control and achieving the Prime Aims. This objectification is achieved because of our lack of empathy. I no sooner can relate to how an iMac feels as to how you feel. I have no concern about whether my Mont Blanc pen feels. It is there to perform. I have a vested interest in you feeling for the purposes of providing fuel, but I am not concerned as to how you feel because I cannot empathise with you.

This objectification manifests not just in how we parade you as a trophy, devalue you without any concern for the impact on you and then how we dis-engage and replace you, but also in the way we interact with you. The use of pet names Pet is a way of dehumanising you. We refer to you as her, she, he and him, rather than your actual name, stripping you of identity (see It for an extreme method of doing so). We reject the legitimacy of your needs and desires by placing ours first. A fridge freezer has no aspirations, no life plan or goals and we reject their applicability to you also. This objectification appears in how we interact with you, especially during devaluation

“Just do it.”

“Do what I want.”

“Get on with it.”

“Stop disobeying me.”

“You will do it or else.”

There is no asking, no politeness, no consideration given. We do not ask the washing machine if it wouldn’t mind washing our clothes so why would we ask you if you wouldn’t mind doing something for us?

You and everybody else, from our parents to our friends, to our colleagues to our children are all objects which are expected to do our bidding. Perform and we will keep you. Fail and you are replaced.

Now, why is there a flashing light on your forehead?

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No holds barred and no strings attached

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform

Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that

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