Why and how does the black hole that is the narcissist hoover you?
The people that we choose to provide our inner and outer circle of friends have all been charmed by us and roped into our sphere of influence for the purpose of providing us with fuel, traits and residual benefits. They in return are granted repeated audiences with ourselves, they are able to gaze on the Sun King and benefit from their association with such a social titan. When you are admitted to my sphere of influence as an intimate partner these friends of mine only like you because they know that this is their role and they must do so in order to remain able to attend my court. Should I give the instruction they will turn their backs on you in an instant. Never believe that you can turn to them in a moment of need. You will head straight into a brick wall. Should you be admitted into my sphere of influence as another member of the inner or outer circle then these friends are your competitors. They are all seeking my favour, either to remain in the inner circle or to achieve promotion to it, such is the allure and attraction of being friends with me. These other friends will smile and welcome you, because that is what is expected of them but they are smiling assassins who will pounce and delight in plunging the dagger of isolation and ostracising into your back should I will that to happen. You are entering a viper’s nest.
You will benefit from your association with me as a friend and you will enjoy my company, who would not when I am charming, magnetic and interesting but you are only allowed to occupy this positon so long as you are giving. You must provide me with the fuel to keep me topped-up through your praise and admiration. I expect you to be an errand boy for me, you will carry out my machinations on my behalf when I require you to manipulate someone by proxy, you will get me things, give me things and do things for me all because you want to stay in the elevated position of my friendship. It is also highly likely that I will possess some information about you or something you want which compels your compliance also. You are the giver and I am the taker. It is one way.
The blazing brightness of our brilliance is such that it obscures what we really are. Any complaints about our behaviour will be met with rejection and a confused response. They have always been treated well by us. We let them join us and we allow them to follow in our wake which has numerous benefits. They have no idea what we actually are for if they did they would no continue to be part of our retinue. They do not want to know any different however because they have been brainwashed into thinking that the status quo is to their advantage and therefore they see no reason to entertain anybody who seeks to usurp us.
I have no interest in making friends with your friends. They are beneath me but I will regard them as targets. There may well be your replacement amongst them and how satisfying would that be to corrupt one of your supporters to turn against you and sit at my right hand? I will charm and ensure that your friends think well of me as this will not only make my seduction of you as my primary source far easier, it will also provide me with fuel, traits and residual benefits as well. You friends are targets to be my new primary source, members of my coterie and even lieutenants so that I have a fifth columnist in your camp willing to act on my behalf when the inevitable devaluation begins.
As I have explained the concept of friendship for us all about what we can take from it and therefore so long as someone is providing us what we require, complying with our wishes and carrying out what we want then the friendship will endure. Should one of our friends see through us, turn against us or begin to fail in their assigned role it is of little consequence to us that we may have known them for ten years or more. It is of no concern that we go drinking with them every Friday, if they do not function as a constituent appliance then they will be switched off, excluded and replaced. We make friends easily and we keep them far easier than you might think. Very few leave us. We usually do the jettisoning.
We like our friends to be beautiful and handsome but not better looking than us. We like to have a beautiful crowd around us, it signals to the world that we are special. We want the interesting folk, the talented, the successful and so forth as we are able to steal traits from all of these people to accentuate our own success and popularity so we are better able to seduce more people into our sphere of influence. We want them to achieve, look good, be fascinating so long as none of them outshine us. We benefit from the reflected glory but it must not shine brighter than our star otherwise someone will have to be exited. There is only room for one king on this throne.
So long as the member of our inner or outer circle does not offend any of our requirements detailed above we often do actually like them for being interesting and caring people. Of course, this is not enough on its own, they must provide fuel, allow us to take traits and provide residual benefits but we are able enough to like the fact that someone is amusing, that someone is a good partner at badminton (as long as we usually win) or has some entertaining anecdotes to share from a recent holiday. So long as they do not transgress across our requirements then we will also take delight in these additional traits, for like jesters, ambassadors and courtiers in a royal court they all have their own individual function that serves to benefit us.
Why do I cheat? I have lost count of the number of occasions where I have been asked this question. It has followed me from my youth, the same question hanging in the air as if uttered by some spectral accuser that never leaves my side. I would play board games with my siblings and invariably they would end in shouts as I was accused of cheating. I never admitted doing so of course. Such an admission would be weak and I know that once you admit to something you become tarred with the same brush thereafter. As I successfully cheated through games of Monopoly (I played the banker and the bank’s notes would invariably drift into my pile), Cluedo (I peeked at the cards before I inserted them in the envelope), Chess (I would distract my opponent and move the pieces to a more advantageous position) and Snakes and Ladders ( I would jolt the table and then move the pieces back into slightly different places, for example moving my piece past the large snake in the centre) I revelled in my victory. To me, the means always justifies the end. If those playing were too stupid to notice what I was doing or they lacked the guile to do likewise, well, that was their problem wasn’t it? Nobody gives you an advantage in this world. I learned that at an early age and I learned it quickly. If you fear that your army will succumb on the battlefield, then change the battlefield. Is your opponent stronger and taller than you in a football match? Kick him hard early on in the game or subject him to a vicious nipple twist as a corner is coming in. It will soon put him off his stride and affect his performance.
My early experiences provided a solid foundation as I grew older and embraced the world. Everything is up for grabs and history never remembers the loser. Break into where the exams papers were kept to gain an early look at them? Why not? Advise other waiting candidates for a job that you are a shoe-in as you golf with the interviewer and watch them slink away not wanting to waste their time. Drug test? Handy I know a paediatrician who will sell me pure baby urine to evade any issue there. Renege on a deal? Complain about the service even though it has been exemplary? Insider trading? Yes, yes and yes. If I don’t do it then someone else will and they will then be succeeding where I should have and I cannot have that. My natural intelligence and charisma aid me in extracting every advantage I can by fair and more usually by foul means.
Before you wag a sanctimonious finger at me, take a look at yourself. You never handed that money in to the police that you found in the street did you? When the sales assistant gave you too much change you remained silent. How many white lies have you told? I know you used a relative’s address rather than your own to ensure your child got a place in that prized school. Called in sick when you could not face work after a heavy session drinking? Yes, I thought you had. I’ve seen you park in the disabled bay at the supermarket when it was raining. You have repeatedly cheated and you are worse than me. I at least admit I do it. Hell, I even recognise I have to do it to get what I want, but not you. You deny you have done anything wrong or you mitigate your behaviour by declaring that everyone else does it and therefore why shouldn’t you?
I don’t know why you do it. Perhaps it is because you are bored and want to generate some excitement. That does not make you too different to me does it? The need to excite, the need to cause a reaction. I know why I do it. First and foremost I am entitled to succeed and I must always be seen to be winning. Secondly, the expressions of dismay and indignant protests at my conduct (especially since I am untouchable) cause me to surge with power as they fuel me. Now, you must excuse me; I have some money markets to rig and they close in an hour.
The lies we tell with reference to other people.
Oh no she is not. Whilst it is entirely the case that we will have friends, both in the inner and outer circles who are of the opposite sex, you should be aware that whilst that may be their current status, in terms of their ability to provide us with fuel, they once had a different status. The key word here is “just”. We say this to emphasise that this person is a friend and nothing more so don’t think you can pin any blame on us. The reality is that this person was once an intimate partner and has been demoted to a friend but is very much still in play. We keep them hanging on in the hope that they believe they will be reinstated and thus they keep providing us with fuel. Secondly, she will be used to triangulate with you both now as friend v you as intimate partner and later as reinstated intimate partner v you as discarded intimate partner. She will be keen to usurp you because she wants us again. She wants the golden period again. She is the competition and we encourage it.
Look who is back? Actually she is not, she is someone else but she fits in the mould of being described as “just a friend” to you in order to deflect those accusing looks you are giving us. Once again this person will be an inner or outer circle friends, maybe “just” an acquaintance but we have plans for her. This is your replacement who we are busy seducing, as we once did with you. This is the person who will be providing us with fresh and invigorating fuel after we have cast you down from your pedestal. It is coming, believe me. This is the competition. Again.
I am a high achiever and I expect my children to follow in my foot-steps, after all, they are just a part of me, extensions of me and I expect them to do as I desire, rather than find their own way in life. I will push them to succeed at school, in sports, with music and so forth because their achievements are actually my achievements. My son graduated with honours; he gets his brains from me. My daughter won the county athletic championships; I was always an excellent runner. Those achievements are down to me and I will take all of the credit for them , pulling the spotlight away from them and onto me where it belongs. I am not proud of them at all. I am proud of myself.
Your predecessor was a horrible person. I did everything that I could for her. Everything. I gave my all for our relationship and how was I repaid? Lies, control and abuse. She stopped me seeing my friends, stole money from me, told lies to my boss so I lost my job, hit me and made my life an absolute misery. I escaped her and she came after me because she cannot ever let me go. She will always want to cause me problems. She seems to thrive on it. There is clearly something very wrong with her since she behaves in this way. If you ever meet her, watch out, she will tell you all manner of lies about me. Don’t believe anything she says, she is evil, pure evil.
Did I mean my ex? I was talking to myself again there.
Yes that famous actor over there. Do you see him? Yes, that’s him. He is a close and personal friend of mine. I have known him for years. He thinks I am great. We have such a great time together. Of course he is often busy so we do not see as much of one another as we would both like, but when we do, boy do we have a fantastic time. I could tell you a few stories about him, but of course I won’t, I am the model of discretion you see. We met at a film premiere some years ago, I forgot which one precisely, but we hit it off straight away. I always do with people, I am just a people person really, great at connecting with people. I know quite a few famous people to be honest but I do not like to talk about it too much. Will I go and say hello? Of course, he will be probably come over to talk to me in a minute after he has spoken to his fans. He likes to get his obligations out of the way before talking to his real friends. Let me tell you about some other famous people I am friends with whilst we are waiting.
It is a terrible fact but my family are trouble. I wish it was not the case. I wish they were more like yours. You seem to have such a good relationship with your parents and your brother. I don’t have that with mine. It is all down to jealousy you see. Terrible isn’t it? Do feel free to feel sorry for me. Good, thank you. Yes, I have always been the achiever of the family and for some reason, rather than support me and praise me for my endeavours I get nothing but insults, cold shoulders and nastiness. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, it is always the same. I get no recognition for the sacrifices I make. I get no understanding or compassion because they are all self-obsessed, too busy screaming “Look at me” to care about me. I haven’t had it easy you know? I may appear successful and brilliant but it has been a tough slog to the top and they have not helped one bit. I hate them. I know I shouldn’t say that about them but you would say the same if you had been treated the way I had. I am afraid you will have to meet them at some point, they will seem all sweetness and light at first, but don’t be fooled. They are evil underneath.
Him? Oh we were once really good friends but not anymore, not after what he did to me. I lent him some money, quite a lot actually. He had hit a difficult time with his job and this meant that his bills were not being paid, at least that is what he told me. I later found out he had gambling debts and rather than use the money I lent him to clear those debts. I would not have minded to be honest, he went and gambled it away and made the debt larger. He came back with some sob story about needing the money for a medical bill and me being the caring fool I am was taken in. What did he really want it for? Oh you guessed it, more gambling. I am such an idiot but I cannot help but try and help people out. I had to say no to him after that and do you know what his response was? Rather than understand and be thankful for all the help that I have given him, he starts telling people that I am the one who owes him money. Can you believe it? That’s why I have nothing to do with him. He lies all the time so watch out as he is bound to try and turn you against me. Thank goodness I got to you first.
It is testament to the intensity of our love-bombing, our seductive charade and the illusion that we create that you feel that we are heaven sent. Nobody compares to us either before after. Our love is like the sun. Vast, burning and immense, so bright and you, like most things on this planet, come to depend on it. The brilliance with which we make you ours by the carefully constructed and elegantly orchestrated ensnaring means you do not notice what is happening to you. All you know that is your dreams have come true. You are whisked off your feet, made to feel special and lifted up on high. And why not? You are indeed special to us. We chose you. From all those appliances out there, from the thousands upon thousands we targeted you, we researched you and we dedicated ourselves to capturing you. That is how special you are. You are particularly special because you are elevated to the position of being our primary source of fuel. What greater honour could my kind ever bestow on someone? You are my life blood. Without the fuel that you provide to me each and every day, succulent, potent and plentiful, I would no longer exist. No wonder I worship you when I first find you. You are the answer to my fears. The destruction of the construct is a terrifying matter to contemplate and I will do anything to ensure that this does not happen. You are instrumental in achieving this and it is through your fuel that I am not only able to exist but function, conquer and attract. You are so important to me that you provide the fuel that allows me to draw in even more fuel. You are the catalyst for all my endeavours, my machinations and my schemes. You are the driving force behind everything that I do, my successes, my ambitions and my achievements. It is because of you I am able to illuminate the world with my brilliance. Now do you understand why my seduction of you must be so absolute and intense? You are my saviour, you are everything that I need and accordingly I must capture you with all due expedience so that you are not plucked from my grasp by some other pretender. It is through you that I am able to transcend the mediocre and mundane, how those words make me shudder. My seduction is borne out of a great ravenous hunger. I need you. To acquire you I must take you closer to the heaven than you have ever been. Does it matter that I do so through the construct of an illusion so long as it serves that purpose to ensnare you? You are worshipped, adored and idealised – who would not want to be revered in such a manner and by one so talented as I? It is a match that was forged in heaven – you give me what I need and I give you what you desire. It makes perfect sense and this ideal matching of you and I must always come to pass. It is written in the stars above.
I pin all my hopes on you. I put every ounce of effort into acquiring you. I strain my sinews, polish my charm and burn brightly in the hope and expectation that you will provide me with the outstanding fuel. You do not disappoint. At least not at first. Yet, the time comes when the fuel sours and becomes stale and that is why my treatment becomes so awful and horrendous. My malice is driven by your failure. Our immortal union was in touching distance. I had you at the gates of heaven and all you needed to do was to keep supplying me with that wonderful fuel. I know you tried. Goodness knows you have told me often enough about all the things you have done and how you tried over and over again to make things work. You were not the only one you know. That sense of having been so close burns through me and the fury that is unleashed is so virulent I am unable to control it and thus it must be spewed over you, drowning you in my hatred, my bilious venom oozing across you, trickling into your open orifices as I seek to smother you in my cloying evil. You promised so much. That is why I promised so much in return. We got so near but then you faltered, you floundered and you failed and it all came crashing down. If there was a different way, if there was some alternative which meant I did not have to unleash hell against you, then perhaps that would be chosen instead but there is not. I know no other way than that which is meted out to you when it all comes crashing down. I cannot control it because you threaten my existence by your failure and I must turn to other means to secure and preserve my existence. I obtain other sources of my precious fuel to avoid my extinction from your negligence.
I wanted to give you the world. I wanted to take you to heaven and because of your failings we had never been closer to heaven and then we had never been further away. Why did you do it to me?
More insight and enlightenment from the dark-hearted narcissist.
Includes why Lesley became the It Girl