I am letting you see my worldview for your own protection.

ON YOUR MARKS, GET SET, GO!-2

How many times have you declared that you have had enough? How many times have you vowed that you are no longer putting up with this behaviour and making a fresh start? How often have you put in place steps to depart and leave this confusing and twisted reality behind? We hear these assertive comments from time to time. We have subjected you to a sustained devaluation, provoked so many heightened emotional responses from you which has given us fuel. At times you did not know whether you were coming or going, your head swam and that dull ache in the centre of your forehead never seemed to diminish. You wondered who you could trust as you fought to establish what you believed was right against a backdrop of contradictions. From somewhere you mustered some strength, a bolt of fortitude sprang from the maelstrom and in that moment of clarity you knew it was time to go. This situation is not right surely? Nobody should be treated in this manner. Yes, it was the moment to depart.

Of course you could not do so without your parting speech. It was not borne out of spite or venom. Those are not watchwords that apply to you. Notwithstanding the horrendous treatment meted out against you, the repeated abuse and the incessant put downs, you still behaved with dignity and grace. There was little doubt that you wanted to lash out. You wanted to flail us with stinging words and some home truths, just in the same way we had used our acidic tongues and savage words to berate you, yet despite how much you wanted to speak to us in this manner you did not do so. Instead, demonstrating the empathy which attracted us to you all that time ago you explained how you still loved us. You fought back the tears as you explained that you loved us more than you did when we first became a couple and despite everything that has happened you still love us. You ought to have torn strips of us, levelling a lengthy charge sheet against us but you did not behave in this way. That is not who you are. You talked about all the wonderful traits we have and how you miss them, you continued to praise us even after everything that we had done to you. You stood there bearing the emotional and physical bruises and rather than lambast us for putting you in such a state you preferred to talk about the magical times we had together. You clearly had committed each of those occasions to your memory as you brought up each event and occurrence as the tears trickled down your cheeks. You explained how wonderful we made you feel, how you had never experienced anything like that before and you consequently truly believed you had found the one. You work through the golden period, talking about the trips we took, the days we spent together and the glittering and scintillating moments we created. We can see this is hurting you all the more yet still your selflessness continues. You are exhausted after the tortuous time you have been put through and yet still you only try to remember the good and thank us for those wonderful times. You tell us that although they lasted a few months, the memories of that time are seared into your mind and you will always treasure them. You explain that you will reflect on those memories and not what came to pass afterwards as you still prefer to think the best of us, despite everything we have subjected you to. Your nobility in behaving in this manner is most impressive and your admirable words continue to fuel us. You explain between sobs that you do not want to go but you have to. You do not want to leave everything that we have built up behind but if you do not do so then you will be destroyed. You apologise, yes you actually apologise that you have not been able to help us, to steer us away from the destructive and malevolent behaviour that has marred the latter months together. You explaim how hard you have tried but admit you have been defeated. You express your desire for us to change and to seek help because you truly believe that we are a good person who just needs to seize on that goodness and allow it to shine. You tell us you have seen what we can do and achieve and you still want what is best for us. You stand there staring at us, some of your possessions already packed in the two suitcases which are waiting in the hallway. You tell us you will make arrangements with us to collect the remainder of your belongings once you have had a chance to think and breathe.

We rise from our seat and walk towards you. You are quietly sobbing and we take your hands in our hands and hold them in that tender manner you recall so well. The vicious squeezing that one day arrived out of nowhere is not in existence. Instead, we hold your hands and look you straight in the eye as we summon up a look we have practised before with others in the situation. The look begins as sorrow and then morphs into hope as we search your eyes looking for that flicker of flame once again through the tears. You hold our gaze as we keep searching and then we speak, our words soft and gentle, just as they were when we whispered into your ear as we lay next to you holding you late at night.

“I am sorry, I know this time I have to change. Please help me be the good person I know I can be, that I want to be. Something is wrong with me and I do not know what it is, but you can save me, you are the only one. Please do not leave me. I cannot survive without you. I need you. I want to make you happy again because someone as wonderful and as loving as you deserves it. I will get help but I know I can only do it with you at my side. Please, please stay.”

The short speech is delivered with true brilliance as I gather the right inflection in tone coupled with suitable contrite looks and mannerisms. I continue to look into your eyes as you let my words sink in. The moments pass and then the light flickers, that flame of hope sparks into life and I know your next words before you have even spoken them and I begin to give you that enticing and winning smile again. I know that you will stay. Again.

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I SPY A PRIVATE EYE

I have often mentioned the empath’s need to know. Initially this is borne out of your desire to know and to understand for the purpose of enabling you to discharge your caring and nurturing abilities. Only by understanding and knowing what is wrong, what is going through someone’s mind or understanding their situation are you able to assist and help. Some people like to know because they are inquisitive. Some people like to know because they are downright nosey. We like to know so we can use it against you or to further our own schemes. You like to know so you can help. This is a core trait of the empathic individual and it is not something that you are ever able to let go.  Even when we are subjecting you to the devaluation you are unable to accept that it is happening without being able to understand why. You need to know. We know you need to know and we exploit this. This is why we engage in denial, deflection and circular arguments because we are entirely aware this inability to allow you to know and to understand draws fuel from you but also keeps you doing this. Even when we discard you, you still want to make sense of what has happened. You need and want to know why did we treat in the way we did, why did we do all those awful things to you and why were you not enough? By tapping into this trait of yours we also ensure that you have to know what we are doing once we have flung you to one side.

You will ask our friends what we are doing and pose similar questions to our family in a bid to ascertain what we are now doing without you. You ask your friends to spy on your behalf, gathering information about the places that we have been to and the people we have fraternised with. You see, if you try to escape from us then you cannot get rid of us as we appear with Hoover in hand ready to suck you back. However, if we have decided that we have extracted as much fuel as we possibly can from you (at least for now) we will do our utmost to remain invisible and keep you guessing. We want you wondering what we are doing? We want you to be sat contemplating where we are and who we are with? Are we happy? Are we thinking of you?

This need to know becomes overwhelming and you then embark on your role as private eye. You will stalk our Facebook page in order to gather information. We will block you in order to increase the work for you but you will use a friend’s profile to look or create a false one. You will drive past the places you know we might be, home, work and recreational and social places hoping to catch a glimpse of what we are doing so you can satiate that need to know. You will create a new profile and follow us on Twitter, checking each day to see what we have written. Is there a new girlfriend? What is she like? Are we taking her to the places we took you? Who are these people in the photographs and where are they taken? We know you will be spying and the more you try and learn the more questions will arise. We use obsessing as a method of manipulation and this continues in this mould.

Our everpresence will keep reminding you and you do not help yourself as you repeatedly reinforce our presence in your mind by searching, checking and spying. You will search our name on Google, examine our work website for any changes, check on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn. Like a detective hunting for clues you will keep at it each day. You create a habit in order to feed the addiction which is the need to know. We know you will do this, we engineer and we encourage this behaviour in you. The knowledge that you are engaged in these practices gives us fuel. We cannot see you or hear you yet we know you are spying on us. We know what you are like and we can picture you earnestly hunched over your keyboard as you stare at your monitor. Don’t deny it because when we do Hoover you it is one of the first things we tease from you. How many times a day did you check our Facebook profile? You will admit you did it at least three times a day and tell us how much you missed us. You will ask about the new person we were with and who you saw posts referring to and all the photographs that we displayed. Did we miss you too? You always ask this as well. Why? Because you always need to know.

THE JOYS OF THERAPY AND THE NARCISSIST.png

It is an acknowledged fact that you never see us coming. We are creatures that are insidious and pervasive. It is astonishing that we are not seen because we hardly arrive quietly. We appear with great fanfare, fireworks, flashing lights and symphonic sounds. You cannot miss us but of course all of that obscures what we really are. Even when our true intentions begin to manifest you still do not recognise what we are. There are those of you who meet us once and then fall prey a second or even a third time, such is the manner in which we inveigle our way into your lives. You never ever know who we are when we first enter your life and often you do not realise until years afterwards what has happened to you. Some never even achieve enlightenment. Everything we do is designed to deceive. We are shrouded in deceit, it oozes from us and taints everything around us but you rarely see all of that. We are masters of deception, masked and cloaked, our true intentions hidden behind a sheen of flattery and a wall of manipulation. We know you blame yourselves when you finally realise who you have danced with. We are aware that you see it all too clearly after the event and you blame yourself repeatedly. You really ought not to be so harsh on yourselves, you never stood a chance. It is not just you who cannot penetrate our veil of secrecy, the so-called professionals often fail as well. If they cannot see us then you can be forgiven for doing so can’t you?

There is an army of therapists, doctors, counsellors, life-coaches and so on. Call them what you will and for all their academic brilliance, their soothing words and supposed insight there are many (although not all admittedly) who are unable to detect us either. They have not experienced what you have and therefore they can only speak from a position of learned, rather than experienced, knowledge. Many of our kind never have any interaction with these people since we refuse to acknowledge there is anything wrong with us much less see any need to be subjected to this scrutiny. This diminishes the prospects of these professionals from gaining a proper understanding. Moreover on the occasions when they might just happen to have one of our kind inside their consulting rooms we do everything in our expansive charismatic power to persuade them that not only is there nothing wrong with us but we are the victims of vile behaviour from the very person who forced us to attend on this shrink. Accordingly, their opportunities to understand us and learn from us are limited and this in turn allows us to continue unhindered in our machinations.

Prior to the good doctors who at least appear to know what they are doing, I merrily attended sessions with therapists and their ilk on five occasions. How could I pass up such a succulent opportunity to gather more fuel from this new arrival and also from you. I would resist any attempt to move into this arena of psychoanalysis at first, purely in order to heighten your woe, hurt and frustration. Eventually and often when perceiving a risk that you would voluntarily threaten my supply of fuel I would agree to attend. I prepared in advance as I selected all of the instruments of charm and flattery from my Devil’s Toolkit. Oh how I enjoyed those sessions. My other half would always pay for them so there was a blast of fuel from the off and I relished the opportunity to demonstrate my amenable and charming nature to them. In these sessions with therapists and the like I always adopted a twin strategy. Charm on the one hand and plausible deniability on the other.

I would present at the appropriate place, early, relaxed and looking forward to the chance to tell someone all about me for an hour and paid for by you. I would be pleasant, engaging and treat the time as a fireside chat as I spoke well of my other half, my friends, my job and my achievements. I talked about some of my interests, film in particular and would always ask the other person about their favourite films. They never refused me an answer. The first session was always a breeze as I fillybusted until the time had elapsed. I would continue to do this in each session and often they would allow me to talk and talk. They might try and steer the conversation onto something relevant to my behaviour and I would steer it back on to something else. The first counsellor I saw admitted after five sessions that there was nothing to discuss much to my delight and the girlfriend at the time’s dismay.

It became a challenge whenever the issue of help, therapy or treatment arose. I would go along and draw the positive fuel from the therapist and then draw negative fuel from whoever had insisted on me attending.

“Yes it is going well, we just have a chat really. It is all very amicable.”

“She clearly likes me as she always laughs at my jokes.”

“Did you know he supports the same football team as me? He even sits in the same stand.”

“I am not allowed to tell you about it.”

The last one is a favourite as the pseudo-confidentiality that I apply to the scenario frustrates and irritates you because after all, you need to know because you want to help and by not telling you anything on the basis of instruction from the therapist your bewilderment and frustration increases.

Where my opponent has pressed the issue and asked me and kept on asking me about the alleged behaviours that you have detailed to them beforehand I am always able to drive such doubt into the conversation that it dilutes any attempt to identify what I truly am. It is laughable. When I first ensnare you I do not show you my true colours so do you think that I would behave any different with someone who is trying to trap me and pin me down? Of course not. The catalogue of behaviour outside of normative engagements is fed back to me and I am able to deal with it all. I am an astute enough person to realise that a bare-faced denial will seem evasive and may alert my examiner. Instead, I explain away the perceived problem.

“Yes I admit I do sometimes lose my temper but who doesn’t? I work long hours and I do get a little irritable at times, I know I shouldn’t but I am only human aren’t I?”

“She is rather sensitive so she does tend to exaggerate. She had a bad time of it with her last boyfriend you see. I try and be supportive but it can be difficult because she sees so much in the same way as when she was with him. I don’t blame her it just becomes hard to deal with at times, I am sure you know what I mean, for example there was this one time…..”

“We have a passionate relationship so there are break-ups and make-ups. There is a lot of passionate energy between us and sometimes it does get a little out of hand, on both sides, but that’s the way we are. I recognise my part in this, that after all is why I am here and I would really appreciate it if you could help me to help her. What do you suggest?”

Events are watered down, instances diluted and happenings blurred. Plausible deniability is rolled out and allied with charm results in me walking away with another admirer to my collection and you bemused as to how I have seemingly got away with it again. You really ought not to (although I am pleased you do) get so upset by it since they really do have little chance to uncover what we truly are. What of Dr E and Dr O I hear you ask? Yes well it took two of them in a pincer movement and only because I had to yield to them but that war is still ongoing and there is much fuel to obtain yet.

H.G Tudor - Manipulated e-book cover

You are being manipulated and you may not even know how.
The first stage to combatting the narcissist is to
understand. Understand what the manipulations are that are
used against you and why.
This book will tell you what the most common
narcissistic manipulations are and why they are
used by the narcissist. Acquire this knowledge
and reduce your vulnerability
to the narcissist.
Beat the narcissist and know their machinations.

 

SHINY, NEW AND IMPROVED

You messed up. I gave you the world, I really did. I truly gave you everything you ever wanted from someone. I know I did because this is what I always do. I always deliver. You did not though and you let me down. Despite everything I said, everything that I did you failed. Oh I hear you bleat on about how you loved me like nobody else. You protest about all the things you sacrificed for me, all the things you did for me and how you put me ahead of everything else in order to please me, to make me happy. Stop going on about yourself will you? It is not very becoming. This hysteria surrounding how you pulled out all the stops, gave your all and did everything that I ever asked of you, even doing some things you did not like is pathetic. Ah I see, you complain about it now, but you did not at the time did you, you charlatan? You disgust me.

I am well rid of you and in a way I suppose I must thank you because if you had not failed you would not have made me realise how we did not belong together. I did everything I could to make it work but you let me down. Thank goodness I woke up and saw it otherwise I would still be trapped by you. You at least enabled me to realise how flawed you actually are and I won’t be making that mistake again. Not a chance of that happening. In fact, as testament to just how wonderful I am and how brilliantly I treat you I have someone else. What do you mean I wasted no time in moving on? Why should I? I am not going to sit around and bemoan how you let me down. That will not serve any purpose and besides I cannot help it if people want to be with me, it is only natural.

Yes I am with Lauren now. She is wonderful. She is everything I have ever wanted and I am her soul mate. I know that we are going to be very happy together now. She is the one. I know I thought that of you, but you misled me. Lauren is not like that. I am moving in with her next week. It makes perfect sense. I want to be with her all of the time. She is beautiful, just look at her, perfectly put together. She is so shiny and new. I am head over heels in love with her, I cannot be apart from her. Take a look. If you had been more like her then I would not have had to punish you the way I did. That is not going to happen with Lauren. No way. I can only see a bright and beautiful future for us. I hope she falls pregnant soon as our child will be such a wonder to behold. Thank God I did not have a child with you. Imagine that? Good God that would have been terrible having to share a child with a monster like you. Lauren will be a first class mother, we have already talked about it and I can tell that she is keen. She adores me and always will. Not like you. You had your chance but you messed it up. You only have yourself to blame. Oh I know what you are like, you will try and make out that it was me that was the problem but I know it was you. So do all my friends and yours. Yes I have already spoken to them and they agree that I am better off without you and that Lauren and I are the perfect couple. She always knows what to say you see. She understands me like nobody else does. She gets me. She is the only one. I bought a new ‘phone with an increased megapixel camera because there will be so many photographs I have to take of Lauren and I. I want all those perfect moments captured so I can show the world how happy we are together. I know other relationships have not worked out but that is what happens when you get duped by harpies. Lauren is not like them. She is not like you. We have booked a holiday away already. Two weeks in the sunshine. We are going to have such a brilliant time being together in paradise. You can expect plenty of postings on Facebook so feel free to look in on them, I know you will. You can expect all my friends to be talking about us. We are the golden couple. Thank goodness I found her. This is it. This is the one for me. We just fit together. It is as if she knows what I am thinking. She listens and learns and then always knows the right thing to say and to do. It is marvellous and just shows why we belong together. I know you will need to know all of this because, well, I deserve to be happy after what you did to me. You should be happy for me, you should, that is if you really do love me. You tell me you do but that does not matter now. I have a perfect love with Lauren and this is the one that will last.I imagine we will be married by the summer. It will be a glorious ceremony and she will look absolutely stunning, polished and gleaming, stood just the way I want and looking at me with rapturous adoration.

I could not be happier, I really could not. I have my soul mate, I am her angel sent from heaven to make her happy and I will do that because I am so good at doing that for people. Everything is going to be just wonderful and you had your chance but you blew it. I get so excited when I find someone new and when I know they will be better than you. Someone who puts me first rather than themselves. Someone who deserves me. Someone who is not you. Someone who is new and improved.

 

Add a heading

I love playing games. As I have written before, the games are always being played. I only ever play to win otherwise there is no point. I cannot lose and sit back and smile and accept it was nevertheless an enjoyable experience because if I was to lose then it could not be enjoyable. I would be accepting that you or someone else is better than me. You are not. He is not. They are not. I always have to win. In order to achieve this I operate by a particular set of rules. You think you know what those rules are because when we first come together I deign to play by your rules; I agree to operate by the systems and conventions of your reality. That is easy for me to do because everything is going swimmingly. I am seducing you and therefore you are letting me win because it feels good. I am content to go along with the pretence of agreeing that these are the rules of engagement. You think you are winning because you are getting this wonderful, generous and loving person. In reality, I am winning because I am receiving plenty of positive fuel from you.

It is thereafter that the rules alter because I decide (and it is always my decision) that we will now abide by the rules in my reality. You are not given a rulebook and you have to guess what those rules are. As soon as you think that you have grasped them and got a handle on them, they will suddenly change. It is akin to playing a game of football and I am winning three nil. You score two more goals and you are in the ascendancy and likely to equalise. There would normally be fifteen minutes to go but suddenly I change the rules so there is just one minute left. You fail to score and I win. You protest stating that is not the correct time but it does not matter because here I am the referee, the assistants and the fourth official and what I say goes. If you do not like it, tough. I will just pick up the ball and go home with it. It is like a game of darts where you have to start from 501 and end with a double. I on the other hand start from 51 and do not need a double. You claim it is not fair but why should I care about it? I have to win. Thus, you may realise that I enjoy a lie-in on a Sunday morning so you do not disturb me. I will purposefully set the alarm early and get up waking you early. Or if I do have a lie in, I will concoct some mystery appointment that I have missed because you let me lie in. When you wake me early the following Sunday I will erupt at you for being so selfish and not letting me sleep.

When you think have ascertained what the rules are they will alter. You will do your best to try and keep up but it is exhausting and frustrating. Yet, this manipulation of the rules to allow our kind to win does not end there. Goodness me no. Our driven desire to always be the winner means that not only will we sucker you by pretending to play by your rules and then change them; we will then change the game. One moment you think you are playing Monopoly and then I am telling you it was Professor Plum in the Study with the Candlestick.

“But that is Cluedo,” you will declare rather puzzled.

“I know,” I will smile in return.

“But we are playing monopoly.

“No we are not.”

“Yes we are, look this board has streets from New York on it.”

“No it doesn’t, those are rooms in the stately home.”

“What are you talking about? See here and here, street names.”

“Are you blind? Those are snakes and ladders.”

“What? You’ve changed it again.”

“No I haven’t. You are just making a fuss because you are losing.”

“What are you on about? I am not losing, I was winning.”

“Not at all. Check mate.”

“What?”

Our phenomenal capabilities for lying, blame-shifting, denial and reflection all mean that the game will change. You are wrong footed, unsure of yourself, confused and we keep on doing it. We must win, always and you have to lose, at your cost. We will apply all our methods of manipulation to ensure we are victorious and you lie sprawled in the dirt, broken and defeated. Our success has to be at everything and I mean everything, from the trivial to the substantial, Defeat is never an option for our kind and we will bend, twist and snap the rules and alter the game in order to achieve this. Now, let’s play a game. It is my favourite. You may know it. It is called Guess Who? You have no chance.

 

A VERY POPULAR NARCISSIST?

 

Taylor Swift. Having sold more than 50 million albums—including 32 million in the U.S.—and 150 million singles, Swift is one of the best-selling music artists of all time. As a songwriter, she has received awards from the Nashville Songwriters Association and the Songwriters Hall of Fame, and was included in Rolling Stone‘s 100 Greatest Songwriters of All Time in 2015. Her other accolades include 10 Grammy Awards, one Emmy, 23 Billboard Music Awards, six Guinness world records, and appearances in Time‘s 100 most influential people in the world (2010, 2015, 2019). She also ranked first in the Forbes Celebrity 100 (2016 and 2019), and was the youngest to be featured in the magazine’s listing of the 100 most powerful women.

Talented? Yes.

Popular? Undoubtedly.

Narcissist? Let’s find out.

My explanatory observations are in bold italics. As ever, for the hard of understanding, this is an analysis with regard to whether the individual is a narcissist or not. It is not a judgement about whether the person is “good” or “bad”, so if you are a fan of Ms Swift´s music and approach the discussion missing the point about it being an analysis I will just shake it off.

 

Childhood and Teenage Years

Taylor Alison Swift was born on the 13th of December 1989 in Reading, Pennsylvania. She tells two different stories in regards to how she got named. (This raises a suggestion of fluidity of self). 

The first version claims that she was named after singer and songwriter James Taylor, the soft and gentle songwrite of “Fire and Rain” that her parents adored. The second version however, claims that her Mother wanted to give her an androgynous name with the expectation that Taylor would be working in business one day, so people should not be able to discern her gender from her business card. (Either version shows aspects of grandiosity). 

Both of Taylor´s Parents worked in finance. Thanks to Taylor´s Dad´s position at Merill Lynch, Taylor enjoyed a privileged upbringing in a wealthy household and was also a 4.0 student. (Potential gilded lifestyle which may have formed a lack of control environment). She grew up on a Christmas tree farm with a grape arbor and seven horses in eastern Pennsylvania, while Swift´s father commuted to work. 

It was later said that in the school she went to, you were judged by the brand of handbag you brought to school. That is a pretty high bar for middle schoolers, indicating that the school harboured many children from an equally well-off family. Of course, Taylor had no trouble meeting the required standards in the handbag department and later on, her parents gifted her a champagne coloured Lexus convertible to drive to school with. (Again this supports a gilded lifestyle which in itself is not determinative but is an indicator of entitlement and the lack of control of environment).

These details are especially interesting, given that Taylor has for years now maintained the sob story that she was a complete outcast and bullied by the other students constantly. (Revision of history) (Blame shifting). She credits these traumatic memories as the cause for her “search for approval“ as she calls it and what caused the origin of her “Squad“, that will be referred to later. (The search for approval equates to a recognition of the need for “fuel” the lifeblood of a narcissist, whereby the emotional output of another individual, caused by the words and/or actions of the narcissist sustains the narcissist and allows the narcissist to recognise that control is being exerted over the relevant individual or individuals). The formation of a squad demonstrates the creation of an extensive fuel matrix (the body of individuals which a narcissist ensnares in order to prove the narcissist with fuel, character traits and residual benefits) and the creation of a Coterie.

Taylor´s image is that of the adorkable underdog, one which she seeks to perpetuate at any given opportunity. (Facade management) In several interviews – most notably her documentary called “Journey to Fearless“ – she talked about these awful experiences and how she managed to prevail and succeed against all odds. (Grandiosity) A big part of this narrative was her assertion that she taught herself how to play the guitar, because her parents didn’t want her to pursue a career in music at first, and that she had to beg them for years to take her to Nashville. She says that a “computer repair guy“ came to their house to fix the computer and taught her a few chords on the guitar and she taught herself full time after that. 

This “computer repair guy“, while he does repair computers for a living sometimes, is also a guitar teacher from Nashville named Ronnie Cremer, who taught Taylor the guitar for over 6 hours every week under the insistence of Taylor´s Mother. (Note the earlier story about teaching herself full time is a lie and evidences the concept of victimhood – “I taught myself against the odds” ” I had to beg my parents (because they would not let me do what I wanted) 

He said Taylor´s Mother was tyrannical and would yell at him and verbally abuse him over the phone if he tried to do fewer hours with Taylor to focus on his own business. (On the basis that Mr Cremer´s evidence about Swift Senior is correct this raises the suggestion that there may well already have been another narcissist in the household which would account for a genetic predisposition towards narcissism and the relevant agent to create a lack of control environment for Taylor Swift by being controlling towards the young Ms Swift).

After coming out with his own story of events, Ronnie Cremer said that he did not feel good about letting people know how Taylor´s PR Team has repeatedly been lying about the story. He said he is never the type to begrudge somebody else success and understands why they didn’t want to tell people that “a 36 year old bald guy“ taught her how to play the guitar, because that would not sell as well. However, he not only taught her how to play the guitar, but also introduced her to a program that was useful for songwriting and recording and explained to her how to formulate a song, which was likely the start of her writing, as well. (Nobody would have been overly concerned about this being the truth in the formation of the artist and a non-narcissist would have no issue with it being publicised. This raises the suggestion that the manufacturing of the backstory may not have come from Ms Swift and instead she might be the victim herself of a music mogul narcissists. That must be kept in mind.)

In regards to Taylor´s family, Ronnie Cremer said that Taylor´s mother was the one to push her not only into starting to make country music, but was also acting like a full-blown stage mom right from the start.( This controlling influence from someone who is meany to provide a caring environment provides evidence of the formation of a lack of control environment which is integral to the creation of a narcissist, albeit, its presence does not automatically mean that someone will become a narcissist)

 Ronnie said that he was also trying to help Taylor build a website during the time he taught her, but that her mom Andrea made that incredibly difficult. He stated that if he would not drop everything he was doing to help with whatever Taylor´s Website needed, Andrea would “lose her mind“ and further described her as a bull in a china shop. Taylor´s mother Andrea and father Scott had a bad relationship as well, with Scott telling Ronnie “I got a wife that doesn’t love me. I’m trying to help my daughter out and do all the right things and my wife could care less.“. (Once again it appears that a narcissist was prevalent in the household already)

 Ronnie Cremer also spoke of one particular incident that makes it clear that Andrea´s horrid behaviour extended to her daughter as well. 

Taylor is the oldest of two children, her younger brother Austin was quite chubby as a kid, while Taylor was slender. One time, her brother Austin wanted food from the fast food restaurant Taco Bell and Taylor said that she would like some as well. Their mother, Andrea then brought home food from Taco Bell but only gave it to Austin and told Taylor that “nobody wants to see a fat pop star“. Apart from the horrible treatment of her daughter, the phrasing “pop star“ is interesting, since it not only contradicts itself with the assertions that her parents did not want her to become a musician, but more importantly, that they said she only ever liked country and pop songs as an “experiment“. (Presence of narcissist in formative years, revision of history, telling of lies.)

In a Rolling Stone interview from 2009, 19 year old Taylor promoted her album “Fearless“, the journalist alluded to Taylor´s need to control her environment and states “Swift likes to do everything the right way, and most of the time that means she likes to do everything herself.” (Rigidity of approach, application of control.)

 

Love and Relationships 

To state that Swift has had many relationships which are high profile, is an understatement. She also uses her experiences and those of others in her music. There is nothing inherently narcissistic in using your experiences in music, art, literature, film or just talking about them, after all, they are your experiences, however, it is the manner in which Swift uses them that lights up many narcissistic indicators.

In a 2009 Rolling Stone interview, the journalist commented that

„The illogic of love is unsettling to Swift, who has a hard time understanding it with her supremely rational mind. Music, for her, is a way of expressing feelings that are largely repressed or absent.“ 

Swift, when talking about her music went on to explain that about half of her songs aren’t even about herself, but about her friends´ relationships. She further stated that she loved “watching and studying love“ which indicates a very distant viewpoint on this emotion and an inherently formulaic approach to songwriting, that is very unlike what one would expect of her bubbly persona and a teenage songwriter in general. 

This is especially noticeable in a song called “15“, which she wrote about her best friend Abigail getting her heart broken by a boy. The song mentions Abigail by name several times and also includes slightly condescending lyrics such as “And when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you you’re gonna believe them” or “And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind.”  have a strange undertone to them. She then proceeds to console her friend by telling her that she’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team. Using her friends experiences in this way demonstrates a sense of entitlement, poor boundary recognition and a lack of emotional empathy.

Here is a timeline of just some the relationships the 29 year-old Swift has been involved in

Joe Jonas (July 2008 to October 2008)

Lucas Till (March 2009 to April 2009)

Taylor Lautner (August 2009 to December 2009)

John Mayer (December 2009 to February 2010)

Cory Monteith (April 2010 to May 2010)

Jake Gyllenhall (October 2010 to January 2011)

Eddie Redmayne (October 2011 to January 2012)

Zac Effron (February 2012 to March 2012)

Conor Kennedy (July 2012 to October 2012)

Harry Styles (December 2012 to January 2013 with a rumoured fling in April 2012)

Calvin Harris (February 2013 to June 2016)

Tom Hiddleston (June 2016 to September 2016)

(Of those known relationships, there are twelve in an 8 year period. The high turnover of intimate, romantic relationships, the short duration of many and the close proximity between the end of one relationship and the commencement of another are all commensurate with the behaviour of a narcissist whereby repeated romantic narcissists form a major part of the narcissists fuel matrix. The idealisation of an individual and their ensnarement followed by devaluation and their eventual disengagement, is the hallmark of the narcissistic dynamic between narcissist and the Intimate Partner Primary Source (a boyfriend, fiancé or husband. This list is highly indicative just as a list, but what is Ms Swift is just “unlucky in love” and she keeps attracting narcissists (and there is no doubt there ARE some narcissists in that list) so let’s look at some of the relationships.

Joe Jonas

Swift claims Joe Jonas broke up with her over a 27 second phone call. (Victimhood)

Joe’s side of the story is this “For those who have expressed concern over the ’27 second’ phone call, I called to discuss feelings with the other person,” he writes. “Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk.”(Jonas´call presented as Challenge Fuel to Swift. Her need for control meant that she asserted control by ending the telephone call and then in order to manage her facade and blame shift, she maintained that he broke up with her and did so in a 27 second phone call, suggesting he was blunt and callous.)

Swift did not stop there however.

Swift is well known for writing about her supposed heartbreak in her songs. This is not only a clever manipulation to engender sympathy and sell records, but it enables her to have The Last Word (The Last Word is a common narcissistic manipulation design to assert control by making a final statement against another individual.) Indeed, Swift has found herself lampooned about this, the parody YouTube site “Key of Awesome” noted this in their excellent take on “Shake it Off” with the lines

“if you break my heart you’ll end up in a shitty song”

Swift repeatedly uses her songs as a platform to assert control over past boyfriends. She does so without naming them but in a way which leaves little doubt as to who she is referring to (the narcissistic step of plausible deniability and creating Shifting Sands)

With regard to Joans, Swift dealt with this by writing a song about him called “Forever and Always“, and uploaded a video on the then popular Platform MySpace. In this video, she holds up a Joe Jonas doll and remarked 

“See, this one even comes with a phone so it can break up with other dolls.“. 

Swift did not stop there, but later proceeded to call him out on Ellen, stating that when she finds the perfect guy, she won’t even be able to remember to one who broke up with her over a 27-second phone call. She has apologised about this incident in her last appearance at the Ellen show earlier this year, (false contrition, facade management) but  thoroughly enjoy the attention that came with this scandal at the time. (fuel)

Harry Styles

 She went on to write a song called “Style”, about Harry Styles, who has refused to speak about this in public, despite having been given plenty of ammunition by Taylor. She opened the Grammys in 2013 with her song “We are never getting back together” and used the opportunity to put on a fake British accent for the line “I still love you”, mocking her ex in front of millions. (Exhibition of the need for control, Provocation and The Last Word).

John Mayer

The song “Dear John“ is about calling out John Mayer for allegedly playing with her when she was too young to understand what was happening 

/don’t you think 19 is too young to be played by/ your dark twisted games when I loved you so?/

John Mayer described this song as “a humiliating experience“ in his Rolling Stone interview, quote:

“It made me feel terrible […] because I didn’t deserve it. I’m pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do.”

Taylor Swift did not consider it necessary to inform Mayer about this song either, noting she would be “dropping hints“ in her lyrics so everyone would know. She said that there was no need for her to go write E-mails about it. This only added to John Mayers shock:

Mayer now tells Rolling Stone that he learned about Swift’s feelings directly from her song. “I never got an e-mail. I never got a phone call,” he says. “I was really caught off-guard, and it really humiliated me at a time when I’d already been dressed down. I mean, how would you feel if, at the lowest you’ve ever been, someone kicked you even lower?” (Provocation, Lack of Emotional Empathy, Revision of History)

He went on to state that Taylor Swift abuses her talent in this manner:

Mayer also takes issue with “Dear John” as a musician. “I will say as a songwriter that I think it’s kind of cheap songwriting,” he says. “I know she’s the biggest thing in the world, and I’m not trying to sink anybody’s ship, but I think it’s abusing your talent to rub your hands together and go, ‘Wait till he gets a load of this!’ That’s bullshit.”

 

Calvin Harris and Tom Hiddleston

A further act of manipulation with regard to romantic manipulations with regards to her relationship was the love triangle with Calvin Harris and Tom Hiddleston, that preceded the creation of her latest album „Reputation“. Taylor Swift was in a relationship with Calvin Harris for 15 months total, but seamlessly moved to Tom Hiddleston in June 2016. (Triangulation)

Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris where said to have split up amicably, but it was later confirmed that Taylor had met Tom Hiddleston even before the breakup. (Infidelity, triangulation, lack of emotional empathy, sense of entitlement).

The relationship between Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston was often referred to as a very public “whirlwind romance“, given that everything from the first time they met, to their dance at the 2016 Met Gala and some “paparazzi shots“ of them kissing on the stones of Rhode Island was out there for the world to see. (Sense of entitlement, love bombing through swift entanglement, the phrase “whirlwind romance” is a euphemism for the narcissistic manipulation of love bombing whereby a romantic victim is ensnared very quickly for the purposes of bringing the individual under the control of the narcissist)

One of the most notable incidents was when Tom Hiddleston was photographed with a white   “I ♥ T.S.“ tank top at Taylor´s 4th of July party.

Two years later, in the video “Look What You Made Me Do” (Classic blame shifting comment of a narcissist)  Swift reminded everyone of this noteworthy moment by having several gay people dance around her in high heels, wearing black   “I ♥ T.S.“ tank tops and fawning over her. (Provocation, lack of emotional empathy, grandiosity).

However, Swift continues with her triangulation, since Harris does not escape either. In the same video. she lends an eery nod to Harris by crawling out of a graveyard next to a headstone reading “Nils Sjoberg,” which was the pseudonym the singer used to conceal her identity on Harris and Rihanna’s hit track, “This is What You Came For”.

In a 2017 QG Interview, Tom Hiddleston had previously explained what this tank top incident had actually been about:

“The truth is, it was the Fourth of July and a public holiday and we were playing a game and I slipped and hurt my back. And I wanted to protect the graze from the sun and said, ’Does anyone have a T-shirt?’ And one of her friends said, ’I’ve got this.’ ” The friend pulled out the “I ♥ T.S.” tank top that Taylor’s friends are contractually obligated to own. “And we all laughed about it. It was a joke.”

As for Tom Hiddleston, his PR-Team insists that he was the one to end the relationship with Taylor. She let her lyrics speak for her and wrote him the song “Getaway Car“ in which she describes him as a love-sick fool who never had a chance with her to begin with. (Lack of emotional empathy, haughtiness, grandiosity, The Last Word)

The lyrics include:

I struck a match and blew your mind/ but I didn’t mean it/ And you didn’t see it

She also confirms that she was the one to break up with him, as she ended the song with:

I’m in a getaway car / I left you in a motel bar / Put the money in the bag and I stole the keys / That was the last time you ever saw me

Of course if the contradiction is pointed out to her, she will adopt plausible deniability and state that the song is not about Hiddleston, except of course it clearly is.

 

When confronted about her recurring behaviour of calling out ex boyfriends in public in another Rolling Stones Article from 2012, Taylor Swift is quoted as follows:

“In every one of my relationships,” she says, “I’ve been good and fair. What happens after they take that for granted is not my problem. Chances are if they’re being written about in a way they don’t like, it’s because they hurt me really badly. Telling a story only works if you have characters in it. I don’t think it’s mean. I think it’s mean to hurt someone in a relationship.” (Victimhood, facade management, Provocation, lack of accountability)

 

The continuing need for control and manipulative behaviour has accordingly manifested through her using her platform as a major international artist to attack those she has deemed to have wronged her. The track record of short and frequent relationships, as stated above, tells it own story, but her need to then attack and in some cases humiliate the individuals she had a romantic relationship with demonstrates a lack of emotional empathy and a need for control. An empathic person would not behave in such a way.

Swift however goes even further. She adopts plausible deniability by not naming the individual outright but then demonstrates she knows exactly what she is doing and has neither guilt, conscience or genuine remorse about doing so. She rubs her victims´faces in it further. This is evidence by there Saturday Night Live Monologue.

In her Saturday Night Life monologue, she came on the stage with her guitar and a song she wrote for this show especially, called “Monologue Song: La la la”.  Swift then proceeded to happily strum her guitar and grin into the camera, singing 

/I like to write songs about douchebags who cheat on me/but I’m not gonna say that/In my monologue/I like to write their names into songs so they’re ashamed to go out in public/ but I’m not gonna say that/ In my monologue/

Salt added to the wounds of her victims. (Exertion of control, lack of emotional empathy and provocation, haughtiness, grandiosity).

The Squad

Swift has her self proclaimed  “Squad“, which consists of an army of beautiful models and actresses (and Lena Dunham) that regularly flank the singer on glamorous getaways and red carpet events. (Grandiosity and facade management).

Actress Hailee Steinfeld was part of the Squad“and once pointed out that they actually don’t spend as much time together as people think. (facade management) Actress Chloe Grace Moretz was invited to join Swift´s select Squad but turned it down. (issuing such an invitation shows a sense of entitlement) She later stated: 

“They appropriate exclusivity. They’re cliques! […] I agree with having a good core group of friends, but the issue I have with squads is that it creates exclusivity […] I was never included in those things when I was a kid.“ 

 

Caught In A Lie (When Narcissists Collide)

 

On the 11th February 2016, Kanye West released his new track called “Famous”. Lyrics included the following:

“I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous.”

Kanye claimed he sougt Taylor’s approval before the release, claiming he had an hour long conversation with Taylor, that she thought the line was funny and gave her blessings.

Taylor´s people denied this immediately and claimed that Kanye had only asked for her to promote the song and release it on her Twitter account. She declined and cautioned him about releasing a song with such a misogynistic message. 

On the 15th of February 2016, Taylor Swift won album of the year at the Grammys. As they said her name, she reacted with a toned down version of the “surprise face” that people have often pointed out as coming across as insincere and strutted on the stage. In her speech, she then stated:

“As the first woman to win Album of the Year at the Grammys twice, (Grandiosity, Self-Absorbed) I want to say to all the young women out there—there are going to be people along the way who are going to try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame, (Provocation) but if you just focus on the work and you don’t let those people sidetrack you, someday when you get where you’re going, you’ll look around and you will know that it was you and the people who love you who put you there. And that will be greatest feeling in the world.”

18th of July 2016, Kim Kardashian West uploaded three minutes of the phone conversation between Kanye and Taylor to Snapchat. It confirmed that Taylor had been made aware of the lyrics by Kanye and that Taylor approved of them, even throwing around words such as “respect” and “ friends” in regards to Kanye. She then promised to have people know that she was in on it at the Grammys if she was approached about it on the red carpet. (Future Faking) In the speech she had given on the 15th, she had done the complete opposite, further confirming that she had lied about everything she said to Kanye in that conversation, that she clearly saw this coming and wanted to use it to her advantage. Kim and Kanye´s fans then started to flood Taylor´s Social Media Accounts with snake emojis, a symbol she then blocked from her comments section, but later decided to make her own for her following Reputation album. She also wrote the song “This is why we can’t have nice things”, in which she depicted Kanye as a petulant child that ruined the good friendship they had for no particular reason.

This episode demonstrates Telling of Lies, Facade Management, Revision of History, Sense of Entitlement and Lack of Accountability and is a prime example of behaviour associated with a narcissist. It is somewhat ironic that the exposure of the lie occurred with an entanglement with two other narcissists, but they will have their turn under the Tudorscope.

Her announced album called “Lover” is setting a completely different tone for her new era, which seems to make people forget about Taylor´s past in that regard. In her debut single “ME!” she dropped hints and easter eggs to future reveals about the album, something she had been known to do and which was very well received by her fans. This time, there seem to be no hints to past “feuds”, “scandals” or any of the like, it’s all cotton candy coloured sweetness wrapped into the innocent self-loving message about how “you can’t spell awesome without “ME!” (Grandiosity)

Big Machine Label

On the 30th of June this year, it was made public that Scott Borchetta’s Big Machine Label Group had been sold to Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings. Taylor was one of the first three artists to be signed to Big Machine Records when she was 15, but had decided to part ways with it for her new album “Lover”, leaving the rights of her past music in the hands of the label. 

Scott Borchetta then proceeded to sell his label to Scooter Braun, who is known in the industry as “the man who made Justin Bieber”. Taylor hates Bieber and that means she hates Braun. (Objectification, Blurring of Boundaries Between Individuals) 

Taylor turned to social media and alleged that Braun had been online-bullying her for years and that he was behind the previously described Kanye-Kim-Taylor debacle. (Revision of History, Telling of Lies) She claimed that Big Machine had offered her to gain back her rights if she re-signed with the label. Taylor also penned an open letter, claiming that Scott Braun had stripped her off her life´s work, and that this is beyond her worst nightmares. She wrote:

“ For years I asked, pleaded for a chance to own my work. Instead I was given an opportunity to sign back up to Big Machine Records and ‘earn’ one album back at a time, one for every new one I turned in. I walked away because I knew once I signed that contract, Scott Borchetta would sell the label, thereby selling me and my future. I had to make the excruciating choice to leave behind my past. Music I wrote on my bedroom floor and videos I dreamed up and paid for from the money I earned playing in bars, then clubs, then arenas, then stadiums.

She further claimed that she learnt about the news of Scooter Braun buying her music “with the world” and that she was not informed on this beforehand. Taylor complains about not having had the opportunity to buy the rights herself and says that “her musical legacy” now lies in the hands of the man who tried to strip her off of it for years. As an example, she states the Kim and Kanye incident:

“Like when Kim Kardashian orchestrated an illegally recorded snippet of a phone call to be leaked and then Scooter got his two clients together to bully me online about it. (See photo) Or when his client, Kanye West, organized a revenge porn music video which strips my body naked.”

The alleged “revenge porn music video” did not just feature her. Wax bodies of several other public personas, including Anna Wintour and Donald Trump had been made for the video.

“This is my worst case scenario. This is what happens when you sign a deal at fifteen to someone for whom the term ‘loyalty’ is clearly just a contractual concept. And when that man says ‘Music has value’, he means its value is beholden to men who had no part in creating it.”

Taylor has been criticized for the faux-feminist angle she took here, given that she is one of the most powerful and influental people on the planet:

“When I left my masters in Scott’s hands, I made peace with the fact that eventually he would sell them. Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine the buyer would be Scooter. Any time Scott Borchetta has heard the words ‘Scooter Braun’ escape my lips, it was when I was either crying or trying not to. He knew what he was doing; they both did. Controlling a woman who didn’t want to be associated with them. In perpetuity. That means forever.”

 

Scott Borchetta has since made it clear that Taylor´s father is a shareholder and was represented by a lawyer druing the shareholder’s call in which the deal was settled. He himself had also texted Taylor Swift at 9 p.m. that evening, informing her about the deal. It is highly unlikely that Taylor simply “woke up to the news” with the rest of the world under these circumstances. Borchetta further showed the new contract he had proposed to Swift, stating:

“As you will read, 100% of all Taylor Swift assets were to be transferred to her immediately upon signing the new agreement,” Borchetta countered alongside a photocopy of the proposed contract. “We were working together on a new type of deal for our new streaming world that was not necessarily tied to ‘albums’ but more of a length of time. Taylor had every chance in the world to own not just her master recordings, but every video, photograph, everything associated to her career. She chose to leave. As to her comments about ‘being in tears or close to it,’ anytime my new partner Scooter Braun’s name was brought up, I certainly never experienced that. Was I aware of some prior issues between Taylor and Justin Bieber? Yes. But there were also times where Taylor knew that I was close to Scooter and that Scooter was a very good source of information for upcoming album releases, tours, etc, and I’d reach out to him for information on our behalf, Scooter was never anything but positive about Taylor.  He called me directly about [the] Manchester [benefit concert] to see if Taylor would participate (she declined). He called me directly to see if Taylor wanted to participate in the Parkland March (she declined). Scooter has always been and will continue to be a supporter and honest custodian for Taylor and her music. ”

In the aftermath of Taylors accusations, Scooter Braun’s wife Yael has accused Swift of public airing of laundry, saying she had no right to complain about bullying because “You were given the opportunity to own your masters, you passed. […] The world watched you for years now, picking up and dropping friends like wilted flowers.”

This episode with regard to Big Machine Label shows The Telling of Lies, Manipulation, Facade Management, Victimhood, Blame Shifting, The Revision of History, Digging Up The Past and is a substantial example of many narcissistic indicators.

Facade Management

Like many narcissists, Swift operates a facade which is used to ensnare, triangulate and control. Various instances of this facade management have been explained above and further  examples include:-

  • The Hollywood Reporter has credited her as “the Best People Person since Bill Clinton”. Quite the comparison to Bill Clinton there who is a narcissist himself.
  •  Rolling Stone remarks upon her polite manner: “If this is Swift’s game face, it must be tattooed on because it never drops.” The magazine also takes note of her “ease with glad-handing”,
  • Swift is known for her friendly interactions with her fans She has delivered holiday gifts to fans by mail and in person, dubbed “Swiftmas” (Grandiosity by bastardising the name of Christmas to encompass her own name) She considers it her “responsibility” to be conscious of her influence on young fans, and has said they are “the longest and best relationship I have ever had”. (Grandiosity, facade management, objectification and triangulation through labelling her fans as giving her the longest and best relationship whilst of course she has always been let down by those in romantic relationships. This also exhibits her black and white thinking.)
  • Often described by the media as “America’s Sweetheart”, Swift insists she does not “live by all these rigid, weird rules that make me feel all fenced in. I just like the way that I feel like, and that makes me feel very free”. (Sense of entitlement and lack of accountability).

 

Philanthropy

It would be remiss to exclude the various charitable activity that Swift has engaged in. This includes

  • Swift’s philanthropic efforts have been recognised by the Do Something Awards and the Tennessee Disaster Services.
  • She has also received The Big Help Award for her “dedication to helping others” and “inspiring others through action”, and the Ripple of Hope Award for her “dedication to advocacy at such a young age”
  • In 2008, she donated $100,000 to the Red Cross to help the victims of the flood in Iowa that year.
  • Swift has performed at charity relief events including Sydney’s Sound Relief concert
  • She also recorded a song for the Hope for Haiti Now album.
  • In response to the May 2010 Tennessee floods, Swift donated $500,000 during a telethon hosted by WSMV.
  • In 2011, Swift used a dress rehearsal of her Speak Now tour as a benefit concert for victims of recent tornadoes in the United States, raising more than $750,000.
  • In 2012, Swift supported Architecture for Humanity’s Restore the Shore MTV telethon in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.
  • In 2016, she made a $1,000,000 donation to Louisiana flood relief efforts and donated to the Dolly Parton Fire Fund.
  • In 2017, Swift made a donation to the Houston Food Bank after Hurricane Harvey struck the city.
  • Swift is a supporter of the arts and donated $75,000 to Nashville’s Hendersonville High School in 2010 to help refurbish the school auditorium.
  • In 2012, she pledged $4 million to fund the building of a new education center at the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum in Nashville.
  • In 2012 Swift partnered with textbook rental company Chegg to donate $60,000 to the music departments of six U.S. colleges.
  • Swift also promotes children’s literacy. In 2009, she donated $250,000 to various schools around the country to improve education. Her other endeavors to promote literacy included donating 6,000 Scholastic books to the Reading Public Library in Pennsylvania 14,000 books to the Nashville Public Library in Tennessee 2,000 Scholastic books to the Reading Hospital Child Health Center’s early literacy program and 25,000 books to New York City schools in 2015.
  • The same year, Swift donated all proceeds from the sale of the promotional single “Welcome to New York“, at the time $50,000, to the New York City Department of Education.
  • In 2019, Swift sampled a song by the Toronto-based Regent Park School of Music in her album Lover, thus enabling the school to earn royalties from her album; she also made a personal donation.

 

In June 2019, Forbes estimated Swift’s net worth at $360 million.

There are many other acts of charity performed by her and nobody can deny that these are generous acts, however they must be viewed through the prism of what she is. These are not anonymous charitable acts (a la George Michael) but they are all done in the name of grandiosity, fuel gathering, facade management and triangulation. They are a symptom not of emotional empathy but of cognitive empathy. Swift´s cognitive function means that she has sufficient awareness (doubtless advised and assisted by a substantial team) to know that doing these things will bring her praise and admiration. (fuel) and form part of her facade, but they are not done out altruism. She can easily afford the donations and it is only done because she gets plenty from it. It is only fair to point out that she is hardly the first, nor will she be the last to donate and behave in such a way and clearly it is advantageous to her and others for her to do this, as opposed to not do this, but it is important to understand the context within which these acts are done. The variety of other indicators above demonstrate that this is not an individual who is governed by emotional empathy who performs these acts of charity out of the goodness of her heart, but does so because it suits the pursuit of The Prime Aims and thus it is only done because it benefits her. Most of the pop stars, actors and celebrities who do similar only do so out of cognitive empathy, so Swift is far from a sole offender in that regard.

All performers have narcissistic traits, but may not be narcissists. This is necessary by virtue of being driven, a performer and an artist. However, what many people do not realise is that a very large proportion of those who are performers and artists and who are famous and successful are narcissists, because their narcissism enables them to get to the top.

It is also the case that when someone achieves fame they will have their detractors and one must also be most careful to take that into account when dealing with differing narratives and accounts with regard to behaviour. However, the repeated nature of actions, the evidence that appears as a matter of record in print and recording and the patterns of behaviour bind together to provide the evidence which supports the appropriate outcome. A determination cannot be made on just one incident or a couple of comments, but repeated actions and comments which form a pattern of behaviour are determinative.

Accordingly, all of the necessary ingredients were there for the formation of a narcissist through the genetic predisposition to narcissism (mother) and the lack of control environment (gilded lifestyle and Grade B Syndrome “pushy mother”). The catalogue of behaviours and many, many other examples support that the sense of entitlement, lack of emotional empathy, lack of accountability for behaviours, haughtiness, grandiosity, manipulations and repeated aspects of the narcissistic dynamic demonstrate that Taylor Swift is A Very Popular Narcissist.

The clincher.

Watch the video to Blank Space.

Hiding in plain sight and laughing at all you victims.

 

(With thanks to DG for additional research)

 

A BOWL OF CHERRIES

I have an Inner Circle Friend. He is what people would generally regard as a ‘good man’. He is older than me, not old enough to be a father. More of the younger uncle who is solid but enjoys a little spice to his life. He tackles fraud in government organisations, enjoys a beer, loves his sport, a keen family man, devout and plays a part in his local church, plays musical instruments, writes poetry and every Saturday he picks up the shopping and spends an hour chatting with a housebound friend of his. He and I enjoy Italian food and a good debate as we set the world to rights. He enjoys a fierce discussion and it is all good fuel but there is never any grudge afterwards, even when I have twisted and spun in order to avoid conceding a particular point. Every time we meet up he always begins by reminding me that my life is a bowl of cherries.

“Yes HG it is bowl of cherries. Look at you. An educated man with many friends, good job, well-read, able to do as he pleases and you travel. You organise your time so you can spend time with lots of people and most of all the girls. Holy Toledo, the girls. You get through them and no mistake but you are never troubled by it are you? Sometimes I wish I was single and younger so I could join you in these adventures. You are a man comfortable in his own skin. I can see that and this means you are able to have a life which is a bowl of cherries.”

I always enjoy this little speech of his. It is important to people to recognise my elevated position and the rewards that come with it. He never displays any jealousy nor does he judge what I do (albeit of course he does not know it all). He regards my behaviours as ‘hi-jinks’ and ‘ capers’ . The preserve of the younger man with the world at his feet. I will relay the latest tale of my activities as he sips from his rioja. He laughs and shakes his head as I detail to him what I have been doing, but he is never alarmed by what I tell him. He is a big believer in living life to the full, seizing opportunities and setting the world alight. All of which I naturally do. There is only topic where he passes comment in a slightly adverse way. Children.

“So HG,” he will begin before swallowing more of his wine and lighting yet another cigarette if we are dining at his house,”when can we expect some children? All these ladies and you cannot tell me that they do not want a little HG to share the cherries with?”

“Maybe one day,” I lie since I have no intention of having any children. He is unaware I took care of that some time ago.

“Well you are in your prime so those cherries will keep on appearing, juicy and ripe, but seriously, a man should have children. I have four. Two by each wife. Children are a great comfort. Tells you that someone can bear you if they want to carry your offspring, they give you something to strive for, something to live for and then you have a legacy as you see them go into the world making their own way.”

I smile and allow him to say all of this. I hear it each time that we meet up.

“You must have met the right lady by now, surely? You have no problem attracting them with your big bowl of cherries now do you?”

“True enough but there is so much to do and sharing those cherries isn’t really on the agenda.”

“Come now,” he smiles, “you have more than enough and you should share. You should be showering your gifts on someone special and your offspring. It is the right thing to do. You have no need to worry, my lad, about sharing those cherries you know. You always have a bowl full and if you share a few around then you will always be able to pick some more won’t you?”

“There is never enough though and I have to be careful you know, there are too many who would steal my cherries from me and leave me with nothing.”

“No there isn’t,I have told you before, the cherries are there to share, not to hoard. You need to listen to me. Share and keep picking.”

I smile and let him continue with his monologue about cherries and children. He is right though I am the cherry picker. I am up on high,elevated above everything else around me and I reach those places that the little people can never reach. I can move from side to side, up and down and ensure that I always obtain the tastiest and most succulent cherries before anybody else. I can see them dark red and with that polished lustre just waiting to be picked by me and me alone. So many out there to collect in order to try and fill my bowl. If only I could figure out some way to plug the hole in my bowl, maybe then I might just be tempted to share.

 

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TELL ME THAT IT´S TRUE

I told you I loved you. That was not a lie. I meant it when I said it. I meant it every time that I said it, wrote it, messaged it, voice mailed it, gifted it and e-mailed it. I knew how to portray it. That wasn’t hard. There is so much material available for me to know what to say, how to say it, what to do and how to do it. I have seen it when it has been directed at me time and time again. All I had to do was mirror it. I have had enough people fall under my spell and love me so that I recognise love when I see it. It became simple enough to replicate it. My intentions really were noble. I wanted to love you and I gave you the love that I knew that you wanted. I did enough to fathom out how you wanted to be loved. Goodness knows I put in the spadework. I observed you and saw who you interacted with. I followed you to the places you frequented and noted what you ordered most often to eat and to drink. I sat behind you on the bus one time and saw the book that you read. I recognised the author so I went and bought three other of her titles and displayed them at home in readiness to show you and to let you borrow those which you had not read yet. I dispatched a Lieutenant to chat you up and gather more information for me to collate and consider. I trawled the internet looking for your footprints. I sat up late as my phone buzzed and pinged with the messages from other prospects that I was cultivating but I made them wait as I searched for you. I found you and using a reliable false profile in the name of a friend of the opposite sex to me I managed to secure your online friendship. I did not approach you directly, despite the cloak of anonymity. I preferred to walk like a ghost through your cyber world, observing your photographs and establishing the places where they were taken. I noted who your friends were, I highlighted potential competitors and I discerned who your family are. I took in the YouTube postings and when they were timed which told me you enjoyed a few glasses of wine in the evening on your own as you posted musical memories from your teenage years. I walked through your posts and your comments, picking up snippets of information that detailed your devotion to romance, your love of small dogs and your dislike of the cold. Like a silent, vast machine I remained your unseen companion for a month as I sucked up as much information as I could in order to build a picture of you and how you wanted to be loved. Each meme you posted gave me a clue. Every discussion with your friends added further layers as I created the person that would love you. I uploaded to him your interests and made them his. I bolted on the necessary skill sets which would please you. I furnished him with the choice phrases that you wanted to hear. I configured his actions, expressions, behaviours and more that would make him provide you with the love that you wanted to much and once all of this considerable preparatory work was complete I began my seduction.

I loved you. I loved you with passion, desire, attentiveness, excitement, mystery and kindness. All created from the morass of information that I had gathered about you which was layered onto my existing experience from previous relationships and my knowledge of how love operates in the world. I know that it worked. You fell for me hook, line and sinker and you became enveloped in my creation where you flourished, you shone and you bloomed. Your happiness radiated from you like sunbeams, the pleasure you took in us being together was tangible and all of those around us commented as such. It was marvellous, spectacular, wonderful and perfect.

You had no idea that my love was a creation. Why would you when not only did it match your concept of love but driven by my excellence it exceeded it? Why would you challenge something that felt so golden and so glorious? You would not. I gave you this love and you returned it. It was a match made in heaven. It was a transaction that suited us both. You received my scintillating synthetic love and you gave me the love that sustains me, that emotion infused reaction which powers and sustains me. We both were winners.

Was it such a bad thing that what I gave you was a fabrication if it looked like the real thing? I might even go so far as to say that it was even better than the real thing. Am I to be regarded as a bad person for this fraudulent act. Is it not the case that my deceit pleased you? Yes, you did not know about this deceit, you had no awareness of the fabrication but that caused you no harm did it? You saw and you believed and seeing is believing surely?

When I took you in my arms, shielding you from the black day that you had emerged from and you looked into my eyes and saw the love, the devotion and the optimism that burned there, did it really matter that I was mirroring what you showed me so long as it made you happy, elated and feel loved? My optimistic eyes were your optimistic eyes.

When I unleashed my hatred you could not and still do not understand how someone could treat you like that when that person kept saying that he loved you.

It was easy to switch to this vicious malevolence. It was easy to peel back the veneer that was the manufactured love. It was easy to switch off the creation that I made that provided you with this perfect love. A flick of a switch and he ceased to exist, leaving you with something else instead.

I did not lie when I said that I loved you.

I did not lie when I whispered that I loved you.

I did not lie when I shouted that I loved you.

I just did not tell you the truth.

The truth that I never felt love for you.

Because I cannot do that.