One of my key defence mechanisms is the art of deflection. You may realise that nothing is ever my fault. It is evident why that is. I am special and above the regular humdrum vagaries of life that affect the little people. Accordingly, since I cannot be held to account, by reason of my elevated status in the world, it follows that nothing is my fault. I know this but I often utilise a method that ensures this state of affairs remains as it should be, with me blameless. I achieve this by accusing you of precisely what I have been doing. I am completely incapable of accepting I have done anything wrong because as I have explained, I am not subject to the usual rules and conventions that bind people like you. Thus if you challenge me for coming home in the middle of the morning, I will respond by listing the times you have arrived home late. I will accuse you of hypocrisy by suggesting I have returned late when you have done it several times. Usually you have not done that at all and this is where my tactics works so well. You are so flabbergasted that I have accused you of staying out late on repeated occasions, that you forget that you were challenging my behaviour. Instead, you switch to defending yourself by trying to prove that you did not stay out late on those occasions. I will then ramp up the antagonism by accusing you of suggesting that I must be lying. I feign indignation at this point and decide I will lose my temper. You cannot stand to be shouted out so you switch from defending yourself to placating me. Thus, your original complaint has been lost. I remember that your allegation was unfounded and invalid (so I can throw this back at you the next time you try and criticise me for something) and you feel bad for causing me to lose my temper. I have lost count of the number of times these conversations end with you saying, “I’m sorry, I was mistaken.” I win again and this validates my belief that the rules do not apply to me (because you have accepted my position) and therefore I can do as I please. I impress myself sometimes you know.