What Have You Done For Me Lately?

Ah, you recall those heady days during the golden period when nothing was too much trouble for me? Breakfast would be brought to you in bed. I would take your dog for a walk without being asked. I would leave those little love notes hidden around the house for you to find after your trip away. I would walk into the countryside and pick flowers for you to hand over to you with my dimpled smile. Something upset you? I would listen on the telephone or drive across to listen as you cried and emptied your heart. I was on hand, on time and on your side.

After a few months, longer if you are really lucky, my helpfulness and ever present assistance has eroded. If you ask me to do something you will be met with a sigh and a roll of the eyes and I may just do it. More likely I vanish when chores are required. I never answer the phone when you desperately need to speak to me to discuss your bad day at work. I flat refuse to do the things that I always did for you and indeed I will even deny that I ever did them. To reinforce this stark withdrawal of my services I will then always query what have you done for me? I will trot out the list of things that I have done for you (adding some fabricated ones in for good measure – go on, try and suggest I am making them up and see what happens next). Isn’t it curious how I have a foggy memory about agreeing to pain the fence yet I can recall with amazing recall the date, manner and duration of each and everything that I have done for you. I only ever did it so I could hook you and then throw it back in your face. Of course, as with everything I do, you frantically try to fathom out what has happened and to steer us back to my useful and helpful period. Thus the dance goes on.

3 thoughts on “What Have You Done For Me Lately?

  1. Kasia says:

    I think that it is very difficult to realise that such behaviour is an abuse.
    Firstly you are an angel, later you are a devil.
    Most people can evaluate this behaviour as normal. Everyone has a bad day, so it is very difficult to evaluate this as abuse.
    When there is gold period again your victim thinks “he changed”.

  2. Kristie says:

    HG, I need a bit more of your knowledge. I have possibly done something awfully stupid. I indentified a blatent manipulative tactic during a Hoover by my narc. It was a lie, a large one to get a reaction from me as to what he is going to do now that I am gone. I called him on it and manipulated him into the position of admitting it or losing me as a source of fuel. Now I am afraid. He is attempting to spin things around onto me by in turn trying to manipulate me further (hopefully this makes sense). You do not know him and I do not know what type of narc he is but you know them all well. Do you think I am now in trouble?? I was banking on my intelligence and knowledge of him to “call him out”. I got tired of keeping my mouth shut and felt I had to put a stop to him and prove that I can go head to head with him. What do you think?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Kristie, when you challenged him about is tactics did you do so in a manner which was fuel-free? If so, you criticised him, this has ignited his fury and now he is applying further manipulations to obtain fuel from you. You need to shut up shop and ensure no fuel is provided. This will then force him elsewhere.
      If you did provide fuel during your challenge, he has identified this and your challenge as meaning there is more fuel to be had from you, this is why he is manipulation your further. You triggered a further hoover and lowered the hoover execution criteria bar by showing he could get fuel from you. Again shut up shop, reduce the means by which he can contact you, avoid providing fuel and eventually he will be forced to look for fuel elsewhere.

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