Out of Sight Equals Out of Existence
Everyone is familiar with the adage, out of sight,out of mind. That does not quite apply to us. During our seduction phase we need to know that you are repeatedly there. It is almost constant. We assail you with a battery of texts and telephone messages and we demand instant replies. We want you to leave voice mail messages which we will listen to over and over. We are delighted (and also need) to find our mobile waiting with a message from you when we first wake up. We want to arrive at work and check the voicemail thereto find the first message waiting is an overnight declaration of love and admiration from you. If we do not hear from you, in some shape or form for a short period of time and by short I mean fifteen minutes or so, then we believe you have ceased to exist and that you no longer want us. That means that our fuel has suddenly vanished and this leaves us on edge, jittery and restless. Of course, with this being the section phase we do not act in any way horrible (that as you know comes later). Thus there are no texts of “where are you?” or “why are you ignoring me?” instead we will send these beauties:-
“I know fifteen minutes might not seem long but when I don’t hear from you it feels like an eternity”
“How are you? I am fine but my day will improve so much when I hear from you”
“Our connection is so deep that I need to feel in constant contact with you. Can’t wait for your message.”
“Quick,tell me something good in just one word”
You will regard these messages as sweet and delightful. This approach also serves to ensure that you will keep your ‘phone available at all times. Have you noticed how you keep checking it during dinner with your friends? How about the fact you now keep popping out of meetings just to make a short call or send me a message? Consider how you are not watching the sports match as intently since you are texting me? You may think it is another example of how lovely I am, but in reality it is to feed out need for attention and condition you to do it for us. Of course, as with many of my early actions, it also allows me to withdraw this behaviour in the devalue stage.
7 thoughts on “Out of Sight Equals Out of Existence”
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M used to get very angry at me once in a while and one of the things he used yell at me about is how I texted him too much. However, if I did not respond to a message with as much enthusiasm as he required he would very passive aggressively respond. “What – no ‘I will miss you so much?’ or ‘I’ll be counting the minutes until you return’?” Then I would need to scramble to reassure him how much I would miss him. If I did not take the phone with me everywhere and missed a text or call I would have to sit through an interrogation of what I had been doing. (Even when I took a bath). If I acted as though I would miss him and wanted him there he would say I was smothering him, if I gave him space I didn’t give him the attention he deserved. I never knew was I to lavish him with attention or back off some so that I was not ‘too much’?
All typical behaviours Passiel.
Thank you. It makes me feel better to hear that.
You are welcome.
Nailed it again! I was just thinking about this last night as a matter of fact. I was sickened by the amount of time I wasted with my family, the huge events I missed because God forbid I didn’t answer you back right away. Years and years I wasted. “But I hang on your every word” “I vie for your attention” “I just want to hear your voice” “I live to hear you talk to me”.
*eye roll
Some stock phrases there. Numbers 23,45,55 and 78 in the Narc Handbook !
I thought so.