MatriNarc

Both Dr O and Dr E repeatedly like to ask me about my childhood. I do not like to talk about it. I tell them that I do not like to and the reason for that is that I do not remember much about it and therefore I feel uncomfortable talking about something which I do not feel in control of. Everyone is like that though aren’t they? If you are making a presentation but you only have half the material, you feel uncomfortable don’t you? I you are asked a question by somebody but you do not have all the information to hand, you feel uneasy. I explained that was my response and that it was an entirely understandable one. I’m not telling them the real reason behind my recalcitrance. Not a chance.

Unfortunately, Dr O then gets the bit between her teeth in one of our sessions and decides she would like to talk to me about family.

“Who has pinched your bagel this week then? Your brother or your sister?” I shot back seeking to deflect her. She ignored my remark and pressed on.

“Is there anybody in your immediate family you would like to discuss with me?” she asked.

“No.”

“Why?”

Where do I start ? Why would I want to talk about people I rarely bother with (save my brother)? Why is it that these people assume that I have some overriding desire to discuss a group of people who I am related to but have nothing in common with? What is the obsession?

I remained silent.

“Okay, how about I choose a family member and you tell me three things that you like about them and three things that you do not like about them. Just as something to start our conversation?” she suggested.

I remained silent.

“How about your mother?” she asked and looked at me expectantly.

I got up and left the room. I’m not playing that game with Dr O. No way.

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7 thoughts on “MatriNarc”

  1. There are no wrong answers to give your doctors. Even just saying 3 nice things or 3 negative things about your mom would be a start. Interestingly, you did not jump to defend your relationship with your mom. Your subconscious is holding on to some hurtful trauma or experience(s) I’m guessing transpired with her exceedingly high expectations placed on you.
    If you can go back in your mind to being a small boy, and envision your mom kneeling to be eye level with you the child, what would you want her to know now as the adult? Is there something specific you would tell her to stop doing? She can’t tear your insides up now. Remember there are no wrong answers.

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    1. I think I should answer your question as that is the polite thing to do and I am big on politeness. Unfortunately this is a topic I have considerable difficulty with. How about if we start with one positive and one negative?

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      1. You have considerable difficulty, yet you opened it up for discussion with your blog? Sure, start with one positive and one negative, but from the perspective as you the child and what you remember. Some of my other comments under “Will I Ever Be Left Alone” are awaiting “moderation”. I hope you will continue to be so polite to respond to those. I’m very interested to see what your answers to those questions will be.

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      2. Hello Clarece, thank you for your patience in waiting for my reply. Dr O often tells me that I do not discuss the things that matter and instead I take refuge in interesting but ultimately inconsequential discussions. Nothing I discuss is inconsequential, so it shows just how much she knows doesn’t it? Nevertheless, I do want to impress her so rather than discuss it directly,I have opened it up as per the blog for others to provide their observations. Much as I like it all to be about me, I do also like others to provide their views on their own experiences. I love to absorb knowledge – doing so appeals to my intellect. One positive ; I knew the rules and what to do and not do. One negative ; I did not like the rules.

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  2. Catalyst #2 – Your relationship (or lack of) with your mother. Just as you avoid the topic with Dr. O, to talk about “inconsequential” topics, you turned trying to name the 3 things that made you this way into a game. My hunch is deep down you feel cheated and robbed of knowing what it’s like to have a mom in the sense of the ultimate caregiver. You felt constant rejection by her high expectations and resulting criticisms. Possibly your other siblings didn’t even get the same treatment, you being singled out digging the knife deeper. Possibly she was your mentor in distributing emotional abuse.

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    1. Maybe you are right, maybe not. I won’t answer this just yet are there are more articles coming that develop this theme and I feel you will prefer to read them and form your own opinions rather than me give you an answer just yet.

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