Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
13,011 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
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Dear Mr Tudor,
I came across a post “Name a hobby/s that’s a red flag” ?
Legit hobbies, not including collecting empaths hehe
Thought this would be an interesting question for you and our lovelies
Hey bubbles, interesting question. I think most hobbies will be a hunting ground for narcs but the degree of narcs present and type of hobby will attract differing types of narcs and different proportions. I’ve found hobbies which are of a more cerebral type tend to attract more cerebral type narcs, for example, language studies or chess etc that said there are still some somatics present but more cerebral. Whilst high energy hobbies attract more elites and somatics. I don’t believe there are any hobbies off limits. The only occupation which stands out to me as having a lower number of narcs is occupational therapy. Almost every OT I’ve met is not a narc compared to say other health related roles such as doctors, nurses, psychologists etc where there’s a real split of mainly narcs or empaths. Just my take on it. I’d be interested to hear your views x
Hi Alexxissmith and Bubbles,
There is information about this in one of HG’s books, is very interesting reading!
Hope you’re both doing well!
Dear A Victor,
Hi lovely. Which book was it in, if you don’t mind me asking?
Mr Bubbles n I are just coping. His health hasn’t been the best. I just had a fall, fractured my wrist, hit my head n back on our tiled floor, still recovering, luckily nothing bad showered up on the MRI. Hopefully, it knocked some sense into me haha
Coming here is therapeutic……takes my mind off it and I can do things with one hand haha
Xx
Hi Bubbles, it’s really nice to hear from you! I’m glad you find the blog therapeutic, it sounds like there’s a lot going on in your life. I’m glad there was nothing more wrong though breaking a wrist has to hurt and be quite inconvenient. I hope it heals quickly and thoroughly. And that Mr Bubbles feels better soon as well.
You are funny, you have plenty of sense! No knocks on the head needed for that! 😃
I have been trying to remember which book, it is the one about empaths and has a part where it talks about where the various types of narcs commonly go to do their hunting. Libraries, hospitals, museums, gyms etc. It kind of indicates “hobbies” but I feel like the narc are less interested in the hobby than they are in the type of empath that hobby will attract. I have all of HG’s books but I don’t have access at this minute to the paperback ones, it is one of those. As soon as I can access them, I will let you know which title. Unless someone beats me too it, which would be fine. Have a wonderful day Bubbles! 💕
Wow, Bubbles, about your wrist. I’m so sorry to read about your fall and I am really glad that the MRI results were ok. Thinking of you & Mr Bubbles. Love from me xx
Dearest A Victor,
How the hell are ya ? Hope life is treating you well, you deserve nothing but goodness because you are such a good person AV. I haven’t been able to keep up with all the latest, so I’m a bit behind.
I do have about ten of Mr Tudor’s paper backs … at least.
I was more interested in individual narc hobbies from the lovelies here. I mean seriously …human hair ? Ewwww ! That’s a first !
The weasel liked various teas in his special tea compartmentalised box. Boasted about mysterious stuff in his garage which I never got to see. Bragged about all his woodworking n painting skills. He bragged about his hand sewing and home made cooking. His cooking led him to having a heart attack because he used cream n butter in all his sauces n meals . (I did mention all that fat wasn’t healthy for him). Oh well ! Haha
“Therapeutic” for me, meaning, reading and contributing to conversations here on the blog. “Communication” here, helps in more ways than we know compared to mere comments on social media.
It’s always, always a pleasure dearest A Victor 💕xx
Oh, haha Bubbles! I’m so sorry, I didn’t catch that, about specific hobbies! My ex golfed, did drugs, hoarded. My mom does genealogy and hoards, thankfully now she’s limited by financial restrictions on the hoarding. My dad golfed and read. Nothing too unique with any of them.
Life is good, thanks, quiet, 8 grandchildren that I see often. My son is moving out on the first, I will miss him but he’s 22, it’s time. I work.
I understand about the communication here being more personal in a way than on other places on the Internet, totally agree. We actually know about each other, it is sweet communion, not the impersonal interactions often found elsewhere. And yes, therapeutic for me also, in that sense.
Take good care Bubbles, really nice to see you here! 😃
Dear Asp Emp,
Thank you lovely for your very kind thoughts, bless !
I found out it was a CT scan that I had, not an MRI. I’m having a proper MRI tomorrow. There appears to be a growth in my brain (probably a devil’s horn) haha and I need further clarification apparently. It hasn’t been troubling me thus far, maybe that’s why I’ve not been able to detect narcs haha The wrist is quite good now, I heal quickly! My goodness, my bloodline survived plagues, famine and war…it’s in my DNA to keep fighting and win! Haha
I literally detest going to doctors, specialists n such, as I don’t take medications of any sort, only Vit D.
Thank you again Asp, you’re a sweetheart 💕xx
Love to my Bubbles and to her mister.
Dear Bubbles
I’m sorry you had a fall recently and your husband isn’t feeling well. I hope you both feel better soon and that the coming Holidays see you both in better spirits! Take care of each other. Xx
Dear Allison and Rebecca,
Many many thanks for your kinds words and warm vibes lovelies. Now I just wait for the report and enjoy a good Aussie wine or two in the meantime 🍷 hehe
( Aussie slang ….. She’ll be right, mate haha 👍 😝 )
🥰
Dear A Victor,
It was very remiss of me not to acknowledge your son moving out, I do apologise.
It is a huge step and I remember when our kids moved out ….it was a massive change and void. You’re such a wonderful mother and seeing he is the male of the house, he will probably check up even more on his ‘dear ol mum’. It’s really a milestone and celebration for them to have that independence. Motherhood doesn’t end when they leave haha
Thinking of you at this time AV
Best wishes 💕xx
Thank you for the kind words Bubbles. It’s the second time he’s been planning to move, I’m not sure if he’s going to even now and today’s the day! I’ve gotten almost to thinking I may need to kick him out! Okay, I would not actually kick him out but I’m thinking about how I can make it a little less comfortable here…
But I really appreciate your words of understanding, it is so emotional! So good to know others have gone through it and survived!
Ah thanks AV. Is that sitting target? I knew I’d heard it somewhere before, tried to pass it off as my own hahah
All well over here thanks. I hope you are too. I haven’t been catching up much. Have things moved on for you at all? x
Hi Alexissmith and NA,
Yes! Thank you both, it is Sitting Target!
Thanks AS, I am doing well, my son is moving out Dec 1, I’ll be alone for the first time ever! My mom is still upstairs, and I think ramping up to spend not time with me, it will not happen. But otherwise, few changes.
Nice to see you both! Take care!
Hi AV
Is it Sitting Target you are thinking of?
Dear Alexissmith2016,
Hi gorgeous one, hope you’re happy and doing well.
Interesting comment about cerebrals and OT’s, makes sense.
I’m sus of everyone, so my opinions are biased. Haha
Personally, I see anyone who’s ott or fixated on hobbies, I’d be wary. Everything in balance.
Our greater friend is into collecting watches on special, the more detail the better for him, they look crap haha
I’m surprised he hasn’t got a smart phone haha
He loves bragging about getting wine on special and it’s not that great. He also wears designer labels and always brags if he backs a winner on the gee-gees. Pretentious would bees, if they could be. There’s much much more but those are a few obvious ones Haha
The weasel gambled on the pokies and bragged about his winnings. Copied everything I did…….then bragged about it , creepy much !
Both he and mum were neat hoarders and bragged about the hoarding.
They all brag….they just can’t help themselves !!
Xx
Ooops typo ….lI meant smart watch
HG, good evening or in your case good morning:
My best friend ( definitely a normal without a doubt) and a Hollywood agent has a close friend actor who is on a well known tv series and she told me that he is suffering silent treatments repeated by his boyfriend. So I told her she must refer him to HG Tudor! She did. We shall see. He feels guilty, feels bad for his IPSS bad childhood and “his abandonment issues.” ( I am choking on the bs) but I get it thanks to YOU. Anyway, I told my bestie of 35 years to tell him it’s about Control which you had a video on tonight. I know this but do I truly understand it? I get direct, indirect etc… but you did not define the motive behind it. Here’s what I think, tell me if I am right.
The narc uses manipulations to control to reinforce their mask or story about themselves and sense of entitlement. They must be admired, superior and validated.
1. Is this right?
Now my next question is why. Yes, an out of control environment and dna. Creates an insecure, needy, unstable child who creates a mask to defend him or her. He is she Creates his or her own personality or story of themselves which no hands bar they must defend because the alternative is death ( or madness? Perhaps my ex just met the creature this year and broke? And there are no co- morbidities? Psychotic break is that the creature?).
2. Is this right ( not about my soon to be ex husband)
3. Why does it become so fixed? It’s almost like dna takes over. You can’t change without surgery or doctors your eyes, hair, height….at some point the cake is baked, and if not dna, then there is plenty of evidence for treatment of mental health even schizophrenia.
4. Or is it, we don’t know why narcissism cannot be treated?
5. With psychopaths, it is the same. But clear evidence suggests the brain is wired differently at birth. Do you agree?
6. Per you, and others, narcissism isn’t created at birth. But it becomes ingrained to the point of reversal. Why?
7. Does the dna ingrain it at some point so it can’t be fixed or altered? This mask or story takes over but it requires narcissistic supply.
8. Any hypothesis ?
9. Is it exhausting for some narcs at least to stay alive or sane seeking narcissistic supply or is it easy?
I know we are all a product of our environment but this sense of self coming from the outside versus the inside is so alien to me. Psychopaths don’t have this.
10. How is it that you have a sense of self as a psychopath yet you say you are a narcissist who needs others to keep the construct?
11. I would think it’s one or the other, you have an internal sense of who you are or self or you have to keep your story up so to speak, and preserve the construct or mask through obtaining control or “ being superior, validated and admired.” Seems polar opposites. Please explain.
12. I mean does the psychopath in you ever say, I don’t need people to tell me who I am. I don’t even like or need others. I know exactly who I am. You said the psychopath predominates. So why if so, is narcissism left?
13. Or is that why you are the ultra. Did narcissism eventually go but you recall it being there? And now the psychopath remains. You just like the knowledge of the manipulations of the narc to further your goals or legacy.
14. If not, must be a bitch as a psychopath to have narcissism . Can it be?
You are fascinating in this regard Ultra! I see the psychopaths use of people and the narcissists n Ed’s for others as totally opposite. A narcisstic psychopath makes more sense.
Exactly ther bubbles and niffty. Haha twats
Oh goodness! That sounds unbearable bubbles. Especially the wine!
A narc I know, in a very average salary oncd took his ipps to a grand hotel for the night. Wanted to impress everyone by ordering the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. He bragged how all the house staff watched as it was opened for him. I bet they just thought – twat!
Hi, Alexis–
I’m not a great drinker, but I understand that the most expensive wine, especially with restaurant markup, isn’t necessarily the best. If that’s true, it’s even more pathetic and shows up his lack. Or maybe his narcissism wasn’t about quality but flash? He gives twats a bad name.
Timothy Wallis Adonis The Second. TWATS!
Dear Alexis,
Haha typical try hard would be ! What a loser haha.
Hi Allison, I know little about wine either. Oh he definitely did it for flash! I once went to dinner at his house (he and his wife) and he had to show me every item in his kitchen cupboards and tell me how much each cost. He proceeded to show me his self-cleaning oven. So I asked to see inside – apparently he’d forgotten to press the self clean button lol.
Some narcs, that is literally all they can do, just brag after brag. I know they ALL do it to a greater or lesser degree but it’s very tedious. I don’t know who could find that interesting?
Of course we’re all proud of things we do and we should be, but I don’t feel impressed or envious or anything, just wish I was somewhere else. But I can’t help myself but praise them up for it and be a little provocative.
Hi, my Bubbles–
I’d look askance at a TikToker, poster or regular viewer. Or someone who collected human hair. Suspicious about both pretty equally, actually.
Dear Allison,
Hi precious, yes, I agree with you! I don’t post on FB etc this is my only site …… to learn.
Human hair ? That’s a worry and a huge red flag, unless you’re in forensic! Haha
Also I came across the term “white knight syndrome” also described as “black and white narcissists”. Is this similar to black n white thinking? Mr Tudor, could you please elaborate and give us further insight to this?
This term was used by a man (in a secret recording from his 13 yo foster daughter) about her 46 yo foster parent describing himself a having “white knight syndrome”to her, he was pressuring her about her sex life and for her sleep with him.
Very mature 13 yo!
He’s been reported, thank goodness !
White Knight Syndrome is somebody who feels compelled to rescue others. Where this applies to the narcissist, it is done (of course) to cater to the prime aims (allowing the assertion of control, gathering of fuel, facade management being the key aspects). Where this applies to a non-narcissist it involves rescuing somebody AND suffering some form of detriment to themselves in achieving that rescue. I have not come across WKS being described as black and white narcissists (there is no such concept as black and white narcissists, there is as you know and point out, black and white thinking(.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Many thanks for your reply, I had not heard of WKS in relation to narcissists. Always learning!
Hi Bubbles, have you seen HG’s ‘The Orgasm Cult’ video ?
Hi, Asp Amp–
Jumping in. I’ve seen it! It’s really nice when he does a longer form one. I’d never heard of this group and it was fascinating to listen and pick up all the red flags. What was amazing was how the group was able to attract people specifically by their vulnerabilities. The story of the woman who had never had an orgasm before the group was particularly poignant. Women can have such deep discomfort and misinformation about their bodies that it inhibits their ability to experience pleasure and release, and the fact that they twisted that broke my heart. It was a really great video, and I’m looking forward to the rest of the series.
Hi Allison, yes, I agree with you in regard to those who have less confidence within themselves may view themselves as less likely to be intimate with others – even if it to share thoughts / feelings in order to quell some of the self-doubts in their abilities, or, question their own talents. Yes, a great video that gave some insights that I may not have considered previously.
Dear Asp Emp,
I just found it and will watch it ……thank you lovely ☺️
you are more than welcome, Bubbles xx
Get in there, Bubbles! I curled up and watched the second one last night. It really illuminates a discussion we were having on here about cults. Fascinating. HG is again is taking good care of us with this series.
Hello lovely Bubbles: poker.
Dear Contagious,
What am I not surprised haha
Thank you sweetness ☺️
Hello Bubbles:
Where do you get your innate sweetness?
Btw how are things with your son? I hope better!
Xxx
Dear Contagious,
That is sooo kind of you, you’re such an angel to say that…..it’s just part of my DNA haha
To a narcissist, it would be heaven in a biscuit haha
Thank you for asking about our son Contagious, sadly, he’s pretty much cut us off. His alcoholic, druggy, toxic partner wins and now has total control over him. Nothing we can do unfortunately, but always be here for him.
Xx
Another…..
Has anyone seen Martha Stewart’s doco? …… interesting ! Thoughts ?
Mr. Tudor,
I’ve listened to your video about Holly Newton and Logan MacPhail and I have a follow up question. I’m curious about how calm and emotionless Logan was after murdering Holly. This makes me wonder if Logan has ASPD as well. Based on your video “Psychopath vs Sociopath”, the sociopath is unaware while the psychopath is aware. Is ASPD at play here also? Is Logan unaware or aware? Is he a sociopath or psychopath? Thank you for your time.
Hi HG
Do you think it’s possible for an empath to be in love with more than one person (who are non-narcs, say other empaths for example) and if so, is this only as a result of the narcissistic traits or can it be as a combo of their narc/empathic traits?
Readily. It is a function of their emotional empathy, they can love a partner, love their children, love a friend – all can be done without contradiction or complication.
Thank you HG
I’m more so talking about Romantic love – falling romantically in love with more than one person, there’s a slight difference in the feeling. Someone that you know, not just superficial infactuation. I know empaths can have a strong narcissistic infidelity trait but can some empathetic traits also apply to “heart” infidelity with other empaths?
The act of infidelity is a narcissistic trait.
Hi HG
What is the act of infidelity… is it the physical side or is the emotional feelings towards someone else also an act of infidelity, even if not acted upon physically?
Is the romantic feelings towards the other person only arising from the narc trait or can be it be a combo of the narc trait as well as the empathetic connection between people who experience emotional empathy?
I’m asking because you have said previously, typically dirty empaths commit infidelity with narcissists, but are there any differences when they develop romantic feelings towards someone who also has stronger traits of emotional empathy?
Infidelity comes in various forms as I have explained previously. People get most worked up about sexual/physical/intimate infidelity when in some instances objectively other forms of infidelity would be regarded as more problematic.
Hi Witch,
I’m a dirty empath and I have the black streak of infidelity. I had an 18 month affair. I wasn’t in love with both of them at the same time. I actually don’t ever remember being in love with my husband. I cared about him but he never lit a fire in my belly. I always felt like there was something missing. I didn’t truly connect with him.
My husband is a narcissist but I didn’t know at the time I was having the affair. The person I was having an affair with was also a narcissist. He seduced me and swept me off my feet. He lit a fire in my belly. I had never experienced anything like it
For me, infidelity isn’t the real problem, it’s a result of the real problem. The real problem for me was that I didn’t respect my husband. I felt no connection with him. I felt like he didn’t know the real me and I felt like I couldn’t share the real me with him because he wouldn’t understand. I also don’t believe I could’ve experienced feelings like that for two people at the same time.
I just wanted to share my thoughts. I hope that’s OK.
Ok…so we for real hoes out here.
Thank you for your time
From an evolutionary perspective sexual infidelity is such a big deal because of the possibility of creating children. If your partner has a child with another, all her or his resources will be put towards bearing and raising the other person’s offspring, to the detriment of your own. You took great care to select a partner who would be a good provider, first of her or his genes and later of every material and immaterial support needed to ensure that your own genes will be passed on successfully, only for that partner to go and squander these resources on another. Your whole evolutionary strategy is potentially going down the drain for the next 18 years or more. That is far more damaging than most other forms of infidelity, especially for women, because childbearing has far bigger consequences on their bodies and lives than for men.
Is that really at the foremost of your mind if you learn that your partner has had some form of sexual activity with someone else?
Hello HG:
Watched the parachute assassin. Interesting Vicki cut him out of the will. But I am not surprised that she didn’t expect a death threat whether gas or the parachute. Especially the kids. She didn’t expect he would kill her. Especially the kids. aSPD fit in, unlike narcs, there is no fury. In my experience, no individual vernal person drama. No threats usually. Planned. Cold. Calculated. I used to worry as my ex husband said to me during the divorce calmly and during our custody battle that he would solve the problem. He would blow my head off like JFK while holding a gun to my head which was surprising . He was never overt. I think he was worried about his money and my knowledge of his crimes. He knew that the FBI called me in. I walked from the money quickly and I told his attorney that I was smart enough not to involve third parties, especially dangerous criminals. It worked. If ended. I was no longer in the way …accept a child and that didn’t bother him as much ch. I got 80% custody .what’s weird is the man wanted sex up until the day of our divorce. Psychopaths are interesting beings. But my question is:
1. Isn’t it true that psychopaths often don’t give any warning before killing you. True?
2. Narcs often give red flags if they mean to kill you.
I tell you this as I used to worry someone would kill me and nonstop asked professionals during my divorce and the answer rang from “ if they are going to kill you, they won’t say so.” To “ There is no answer. “ In short if with a psychopath, you don’t know.
2. True? You will never know.
3. Any signs to look for – for would be victims so they can protect themselves from a psychopath.
4. I just got out of the way. Waived my rights to his money. Shut my mouth on his crimes. I would not give up my daughter. He didn’t care so much.
Is that the answer: get out of their way to stay alive?
5. Does it matter on the psychopath? For me, brilliant ending. But for others? I don’t know.
HG:
Notice the parachute assassin denied his crimes.
1. Do psychopaths and narcs both deny blame if crimes.
2. Is there a difference between why? Narcs: a defense. A psychopath: a better result.
3. I know a narcissist will want a better result and a mid range and lesser will blame shift. But does a psychopath have a defense mechanism or it it just a better result in the criminal process?
1. Denial is linked to the maintenance of control, an aspect of the Prime Aims and The Necessary Triad
2. See 1.
3. See The Necessary Triad.
That is just it! I think the reason it is so powerful could be precisely because it is at the back of our mind, there in the corner with the other lizard brain parts. I don’t think it’s necessarily a conscious thought, but it might be just what causes this level of outrage at sexual infidelity. Biology is a strong driver, even underneath all the layers of culture and civilisation. But it will also start to influence your conscious thought process later on, when you have built a life together, bought a house and so on, and you see it all falling apart.
Depending on what your partner looks like and what shape he or she is in, the first thought when hearing about their extracurricular activities may well be more along the lines of what Harry Kane’s wife said to him after a particularly artistic goal: I didn’t know you had this kind of flexibility.
Hello, Leigh!
Thank you for sharing. If your husband was a Narcissist, he must have been cheating on you too. If I may ask, did he go into fury, when he found it out? Have you divorced after that?
Hi nata43m,
My husband doesn’t know about it.
The affair ended in 2019. No, we didn’t get a divorce. Not yet, at least.
My husband is a victim narcissist. We’ve been together for nearly 40 years so it is possible that he has cheated. But I’ve never caught him or even been suspicious.
@Leigh
I also have the infidelity trait (I did the trait detector)
I think some people can romantically love more than one person. I think empaths are more attractive than narcissists especially when they have super traits.
I find, out of all the narc traits, people tend to be more judgmental over infidelity. But if there are different ways to commit infidelity then I guess we all have probably tolerated it in one form or another
Hi Witch,
I betrayed my husband when I cheated on him. The reason I was able to do that is because of my lack of empathy and lack of romantic feelings/love for him. As someone who has empathy, if I truly love someone and I’m happy and fulfilled, I wouldn’t have been able to betray them. I wouldn’t be able to have romantic feelings for someone else because I would see that as a betrayal and my guilt would stop me. The guilt didn’t stop me when I did it to my husband because I don’t love him.
in my opinion, cheating (even emotional cheating) is just a symptom of a bigger problem.
I’ve often wondered why it is that people get so hung up on sex.
To me, the actual physical act is an action. I can compare it to, say, having a meal or watching a 2-hour film, for example.
If you have a meal that’s really enjoyable, would you remember it and shape the rest of your life around it?
You might think to yourself that the food tasted great and made you feel satisfied, but would you spend the next week or month or decade forgetting about everything else that’s important to you just so you could gorge on a meal?
If you sat down to watch a 2-hour film – make that a 10-minute advertisement in some cases – would the things you watched make such a difference to your life that you threw other important things out the window?
Honestly, I don’t really get it.
In my experience, I was always more interested in being independent. I found it more important to ensure I could live the kind of life I wanted to live – comfortably and autonomously.
The men I saw around me throughout my younger years did not instill any kind of confidence in me with regard to spending personally engaging and enjoyable time with them, or depending on them to provide the kind of life I wanted to live.
It wasn’t about having sex. It wasn’t that I thought about getting married or having children.
It was about living in a way where I didn’t have to conform to someone else whom I did not trust, whose company was often annoying, and who I knew instinctively I could not truly depend on.
Hi WN,
I agree to an extent. When it’s just sex without intimacy, the physical act is just an action. That’s probably one of the reasons why it was so easy for me to cheat.
The real goal for me, is to experience real intimacy, not just sex.
@Leigh
I see that makes sense for some people
I also look to behaviours in other species to compare.
The bohos will use sex as a tool to bond the group and resolve conflicts. They aren’t monogamous, neither are the chimpanzee, neither are the gorilla, neither are orangutan’s and there are cultures that exist that allow even sexual infidelity within certain contexts.
If you flirt with someone else that’s infidelity
If you fancy someone else even a celebrity- infidelity
If you tell your friend something you don’t feel you can tell your partner – infidelity
If you think about anyone else during sex – infidelity
If you like the attention you receive when someone else finds your attractive- infidelity
The guilt may be there but the infidelity occurs a long side it. The thoughts and the emotions are there even when not acted upon physically. The emotional empathy may stop the physical act but not necessarily the thoughts and feelings which are harder to control
(I’m not talking about you personally btw I’m just talking generally and from experience)
I don’t know if it matters how amazing someone is to me, I have the trait and it’s always there – it just means having to sacrifice certain desires to maintain the relationship (which is not a complaint by the way – usually you have to sacrifice something for the benefit of something else. Unless of course you’re a narcissist because it doesn’t work the same way for them)
@Leigh
And also the reason why I’m saying all of that
Is because even when I was in golden period with an ex narc, I was still looking at women
We went out, I got drunk and I was looking at this Italian woman who was gorgeous- the narc let me kiss her on the mouth
I’m a slag!!
There’s no point denying it anyone.
I was even willing to have an open relationship with this narc so I could date women as well and I wasn’t even devalued yet.
I even met a woman who looking back I’m pretty sure she was an empath and we were talking about open relationships and she said “yeah I’d have one.. I’m French”
I think we want to believe the “right person” would somehow deaden our narc traits but I don’t think that is necessarily the case
Hi Witch,
I have so many thoughts going on in my brain right now. Thank you for explaining further. For me, I was talking on a deeper level. You had mentioned being in love with two people at the same time. If I flirt with someone or fancy a celebrity, I’m not in love with them. I do agree that our empathic traits won’t necessarily make those fleeting feelings totally disappear. That’s attraction though, not love. Can I be attracted to more than one person? Absolutely. Can I have a deep, intimate connection with more than one partner? I don’t think so. I’m not talking about the physical act of sex either. That’s just sex. I’ve had sex with people that I didn’t love. I’m talking about having a deep emotional connection with more than one person at a time. I think if I still had empathy for my partner, it would stop me because I wouldn’t want to hurt them.
For 20 years, while I was raising my children, I was faithful to my husband. Not because of him, because of my children. I didn’t want to hurt them.
With all that said though, even though I’m a serial cheater, I’d like to believe that if I found the right person, I wouldn’t need to have outside flings and affairs.
Leigh,
“The real goal for me, is to experience real intimacy, not just sex.”
I agree with you about the ‘goal’ of ‘real intimacy’. Yes, it’s a goal and when imagined, it’s a wonderful goal.
The cold, stark reality often presents such a contrast to this goal, though. And it’s the reality in most situations that actually has precedence.
Real intimacy takes time to develop. It involves not just the action of sex but thoughts, introspection, trust, compassion, respect, emotional safety, a lowering of defensiveness, and unselfishness.
If you think about each one of these aspects in more depth, it becomes evident that these things are more difficult to achieve and they’re more out of reach than ever.
The pace of life; the glut of information people are bombarded with all the time; the demands on people regarding material considerations, education, work, finances, future security; and the rising distrust and narcissistic attitudes across society – all of these things are actually removing and reducing the possibility of fostering thoughtfulness, compassion, trust, emotional safety and unselfishness.
If I were to talk about romance, I would be criticised for being ‘naive’ and ‘idealistic’ – for living in a dreamworld and wearing rose-coloured glasses. Fair enough too, because it’s not sustainable to live in reality while also living in a dreamworld.
However, to achieve ‘real intimacy’, it requires a reduction of cynicism and selfishness. Intimacy is not a one-off ‘transaction’, and yet the action of sex if just for the sake of having sex *is* a one-off transaction.
That’s why I find it difficult to reconcile ‘intimacy’ with ‘sex’. Sex that includes intimacy is so much more than just ‘sex’.
In our fast-information, fast-food, fast-fashion, fast-delivery, fast-talking, fast-paced world, there is also fast-sex. It’s available at the touch of a button on a phone if you want to ‘hook up’ with someone.
I think that this ‘fast-sex’ attitude has become the way sex is widely considered nowadays. People use the term ‘f*cking’ as though their talking about putting their socks on. It has become almost banal.
That kind of thought process is not what creates ‘intimacy’, though. Far from it. Fast sex may as well be disposable sex, because there is no lasting bond or emotional restraint and conscience that leads to faithfulness (in whatever form that may take) and ‘intimacy’.
I know what you mean, Leigh, and I agree with you. The goal is real intimacy. That would be ideal.
The world we live in has all but destroyed the value and intentional and conscious striving for that goal, at least in my view, anyway.
WN,
I agree. Sex that includes intimacy is so much more than just sex. I also agree that it does take time to gain real intimacy with someone. The truth is, when I do leave my narc husband, I’ll remain single for the rest of my days. Its just much easier that way. Like you, I want autonomy & independence. Plus, I don’t think my cynicism will allow me to trust another partner.
@Leigh
Okay I see what you’re saying
For me I can have deeper feelings for more than one person, I’ve come to realise. Since I’ve learned about narcissism I’ve become less paranoid and defensive over time. I’ve been able spot stronger empathetic traits in people which has contributed to my feelings. It would be easier if my feelings were just based on lust but they aren’t and I didn’t mean to have them, but I do.
I did tell my wife in an ideal world I would also have a husband and she wasn’t judgmental about it. I wouldn’t actually do that though because I would feel guilt to have 2 people competing for my time and loving someone means I want them to be happy.
I also think it would be more stigmatised than being in a same sex relationship. Most people would think i’m an awful person.
Its interesting, Witch. I do understand where you’re coming from as well. I can have deep feelings for more than one person. I have deep feelings for my children and friends. But for some reason, having deep feelings for more than one partner is a no no. Are we really meant to be monogamous? I don’t know. Humans are pack animals and some pack animals have more than one mate. Is it ok for us then? Something with our empathy must stop us though. Its like you said, you wouldn’t want 2 people competing for your time. That’s empathy. I think if someone feels empathy for another, they’d find it difficult.
@Leigh
Yes exactly no competing for my time… which just means the 3rd person has be very independent 🤣
We can get a house together and they could move into the spare room 🤣
It’s not impossible… there’s hope 🤣
I’m very lucky that my wife and I can be open with each other about our slaggish fantasies.
Learning about empathetic and narcissistic traits in empaths here, has made me a more forgiving and less judgmental person towards myself and others, which has made life more fun. So thanks HG
“I’m a slag!!”
Now, now, Witch. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Who among us can resist a good Italian meal?
@Allison
Haha thank you Allison
The same narc did tell me that his female friend kissed him on the mouth after her transport fell through and he rescued her in the middle of night by dropping her to the airport.
I didn’t feel bad about it, I thought it was kinda sweet that she was so grateful she kissed him.
Is that strange?
Hi, Witch. So are you saying he triangulated you a bit by telling you that story about being kissed by the other woman, and fluffing it out a bit with an explanation for why she did that? And you didn’t mind? I wonder if that wounded him!
“Is that strange?” I really get the question. I’ve wondered that about myself sometimes. I don’t think your response is strange if you’re a person who is polyamorous or if the relationship isn’t exclusive. I’m thinking of a casual intimate relationship I once had with my personal trainer and he kissed and flirted with other women all the time. Couldn’t get him to do a threesome, though. Odd. Once I was at a restaurant with him and a table of about five or six other women I didn’t know. I watched him hold court and it was fascinating to see the reactions of each woman as he whispered to them and nuzzled them. They got really visibly turned on. I may have been in devaluation at that time. His wife certainly was. When she arrived and saw what was going on she got really angry and made quite a scene. It seemed to invigorate him. I enjoyed my mariscos.
Yes Allison he did triangulate me because he was a narc but i didn’t realise it at the time, so I just took it as him being honest about what happened and it didn’t bother me. It may have wounded him that I wasn’t hurt by it, I’m sure it was a test because he later on would do more to provoke me.
My wife told me she has a crush on someone she knows.. again, it doesn’t bother me. In fact it made me feel good that she trusted me enough to tell me – that she felt safe with me to be herself.
It would bother me if there was some kind of comparison being made e.g “I like her more than you” “she’s better than you..” “I told her I would rather be with her than you” that kind of thing. But my wife is an empath (confirmed by empath detector) she hasn’t done trait detector but I know she also has the infidelity trait, I observe people.
I understand that someone could like and even be in love with more than one person. It doesn’t mean that they don’t also love me – sometimes shit just happens, we don’t have full control over our feelings.
Hi, Witch–
“Learning…has made me a more forgiving and less judgmental person towards myself and others…”
Please do judge me harshly, Witch. I kind of like it.
Also I think it could be tricky. Take Bundy, he would play injured ( a scary normal manipulation) to ensnare a woman… now empaths would probably have been first responders without your aid to this trick. I must say as a city girl, don’t talk to strangers was in grained on me. When a little girl, a car pulled up and he offered candy, I ran and got my dad who got his gun. The man was long gone but I described the car to police. Age 5. I call police when an accident but I don’t stop. I tell them. It’s a sad case of modern society but it’s a common tool of a predator to fake an injury or pretend their car is broken down etc…
Contagious,
The example of Bundy pretending to be injured to ensnare a woman crossed my mind recently. It made me consider the way such crimes in the news have changed the way people think and behave.
Now, for instance, when I’m driving and it’s dark, or getting dark, say after dusk and later, if I see someone walking alone, the very first thing that pops into my mind is that it isn’t safe. I actually feel a sense of trepidation for the person.
A case in the news here in recent weeks concerns a 19-year-old young woman who went missing. Her body was found dumped in a garbage bag at a waste facility. She had gone to the house of an older man in his 50s after they met on a dating app. In the hours before her death, she had texted a friend about “meeting a sugar daddy” who was “lavishing her with gifts”.
The state of the world has become so heinous it’s horrendous.
Even if the young woman made the mistake of meeting a stranger at his home who was much older, it definitely – most certainly – does not mean it was some sort of invitation for him to do whatever he wanted.
The world we live in is so sick that in the reports of this murder, the mainstream media described all of the grisly known details in full without a single mention of psychological reasons such as narcissism, psychopathy, lack of empathy and lack of conscience.
Instead of discussing narcissism and warning young women about dating apps, the media made pointed reference to her text messages and explained in great detail how her body was transported from one location to another in a garbage bag.
Instead of highlighting the sick and predatory practice of men in their 50s preying on teenagers and luring them with gifts, drugs and whatever else, the news media plastered the girl’s photo on every article with headlines quoting her texts.
It’s revolting.
After the girl’s remains were found, there was a public outcry and a rally was organised (yet again) to protest ‘gendered violence’. As if yet another rally is going to do anything constructive.
Instead of discussing psychological factors, the mainstream media focused on the very visible displays of grief from the girl’s family members who were at the rally and spoke of their heartbreak.
After the heinous crime, the media reports – like bloated ghouls and vultures – focused on a version of grief porn.
Again, it’s revolting and doesn’t actually foster understanding. It just desensitises everyone and leads those who are stupid, desperate for attention and their five minutes of fame to think that sick behaviour is ‘normal’.
No wonder the world is such a cesspit.
Hi, WiserNow–
“I’ve often wondered why it is that people get so hung up on sex.”
I think it depends. For me, the nature of the relationship, my self esteem, and what’s going on in my life can make me more or less sensitive about sex. It isn’t just the sex but the mental and emotional vulnerability that happens for me when I’m truly intimate with a woman and not just messing around or we’re not simply play partners.
In the past when a man has cheated on me it was more of a matter that my pride was offended. In some cases in adulthood when I was with men I tried getting worked up about sexual infidelity because my female straight friends expected it; that was like experiencing acculturation for me and I was trying to fit in. But my supposed hurt never stuck. With a woman–if the relationship is serious, if I’ve allowed her into my mind–it hurts because I experience it as a betrayal of trust. If it’s serious, if we’re close, if we’re monogamous, then she’s entered the sanctuary between my ears. We’ve shared secrets. I’m not putting in a sex performance. I trust her with my thoughts. It isn’t that I need her to spill her guts and tell me everything, but we have a mental closeness which entwines with the sex. For me, with a woman I’m being exclusive with, it’s actually possible for sex to do what I think it’s supposed to do in terms of weaving an emotional bond within monogamy. It just plain hurts when that’s broken. Absent that agreed to type of dynamic, sex is just messy fun.
Do narcissists not feel any threat to control when they take mind-altering drugs or consume alcohol to the point of losing control of their body and their mental faculties? If not, is it because they caused it?
Yes, this can amount to a threat to control. This is why you will never find me “falling down drunk” because of the threat to control.
Thank you. Plus, we would not find you in such a state because we would not look for you there in the first place.
Did trying out mushrooms or other substances where you did not know beforehand exactly how they would affect you not cross the threshold between keeping control and a threat to control then?
Mr. Tudor,
As a teen, did you ever become completely inebriated or had you seen enough of the effects on family members to know that was not something you wanted?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
I was inebriated aged 4.
Thank you for answering, sir.
“I was inebriated aged 4.”
1. What circumstances lead to your being drunk at four years old?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
I consumed alcohol and became drunk.
I hope you are joking
Was this inebriation at another’s hand?
No.
Mr. Tudor,
1. Why did you decide to become drunk at 4?
2. Were you discovered drunk by an adult?
You’ve mentioned that you dislike the loss of control associated with drug/alcohol usage. Given that you became drunk when 4…
3. How did you come to that realization? Is there a story there? (I love HG stories.)
4. Is it common for psychopaths to try drugs as young children, if they’re available?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated!
1. I did not decide to become drunk aged four. I did not realise that what I was drinking contained alcohol, I thought it was a bottle of a sweet, fizzy drink.
2. I was.
3. When I was older but still a teenage, many of my friends started drinking. I was not particularly interested in doing so. I was not keen on the taste, I had other preoccupations at parties other than drinking and then I saw how it made others act whereby they lost control of themselves and therefore I saw it as less attractive. I do drink and can drink a lot without consequence but I also go for substantial periods of time not drinking.
4. It is a stimulation – in both senses of the word and therefore proves attractive.
I will tell you the story about how I became drunk aged four at some point.
Mr. Tudor, I love your stories as well. While it makes me sad to hear that you became drunk at age 4, I am curious how it happened and what happened after the adult discovered you were drunk.
You shall find out presently.
Thank you so much for answering, sir. Much appreciated. I’m really looking forward to that story. If anyone has not checked out the “Educating HG” series on the Ultra channel or read it here, I recommend it. I’m hoping for more of that one soon and more of “When TOW met HG”…Having both stories complete to enjoy together will be fascinating. What’s really interesting to me about that series is how you convey two distinct personalities in each encounter. I’m sure part is the different locations and expectations, but you also mentioned you were using different names in those situations.
HG says: “…I saw how it made others act whereby they lost control of themselves and therefore I saw it as less attractive.”
1. What sorts of opportunities did you find in sobriety in these circumstances as a teenager?
HG says: “I do drink and can drink a lot without consequence but I also go for substantial periods of time not drinking.”
2. What causes the fluctuations in your alcohol consumption? Are there personal circumstances that push you toward and away from alcohol consumption?
3. Do you have a similar tolerance for other drugs? (You’ve mentioned trying multiple substances.)
4. Given your need to have control and knowing the consequences, why did you try the drugs you have? Was it all for the stimulation or were there motivations beyond that?
Thank you so much for everything, sir. I appreciate everything you do for us.
2. I address this in today’s video “HG Tudor Drunk Aged 4”.
3. Yes.
4. Stimulation.
Hi HG and Dani,
My cousin got drunk once when she was 8. She accidently thought her mother’s moonshine was Sprite. Her mother had put it in a 2 liter bottle that was once full of soda….any kid could have made the mistake.
Her mother found her and took her to the hospital. They treated her for alcohol poisoning. The moonshine damaged her liver, she still has issues with her liver, to this day.
I personally don’t like the taste of alcohol either and I wonder what would make my cousin find moonshine tasty enough to keep drinking it like she did.
I avoid alcohol because of two reasons. 1)I don’t like the taste, as mentioned earlier. 2) I don’t find the idea of getting drunk appealing, too much bad can happen when you’re drunk, rape being one bad thing. I prefer to have my wits about me, than be drunk and careless.
Hope you both are well. Xx
Very excited to get more stories about HG. Thank you, sir!
Hi Rebecca–
There are some people with a genetic predisposition to becoming alcoholic. They are addicted with the first sip. I would guess that if your cousin carries the “alcoholism” genes, it would make sense for her to keep drinking it.
Did you see the “HG Tudor and AI” videos? I thought they were fascinating. I wonder how other AIs would answer those same questions.
Hope you’re doing well!
Thank you, HG for sharing this story about you! I enjoy hearing your personal stories! You keep us interested and very entertained! Thank you again! ❤️❤️ Xx
You are welcome.
Mr. Tudor–
That was a lovely story from your childhood. I enjoyed it very much. It was very heartening to hear you share it (though you have so little memory of it…given your state and age, not surprising). It’s touching that your father wanted you to know it. And it sounds like you’ve enjoyed using it when occasion required.
I’m amazed by your mind, sir. I’m looking forward to listening to this video some more and trying to puzzle out my thoughts.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
Hello HG:
What I repeatedly see is despite a decent father, you have decided to abuse like your mother just like all the other preprogrammed robotic narcs. It’s a cycle of abuse and all your classes and cadres seem to abuse it he same way they were abused. Tell me I am wrong:
1. What personality traits differ from you and your mother?
2. What criticisms do you have of your mother parenting style?
3. If you were a parent would you raise your child any different than your mother raised you?
4. Do you notice that you treat your partners with the same methods of abuse that your mother used on you ( almost as if you were the parent to the child).
5. If cognitively aware of your mother’s reason for control and fuel, why do you do the same.
6. Do you have a choice Ultra?
7. Why not?
8. And why doesn’t psychopathy or goal orientation stop it?
9. Certainly narcissistic abuse gets in the way of certain goals?
10. Finally how do you see your father? We can see him as decent and strong.
11. Don’t you see any redeeming noble features in your father?
12. Can’t you cognitively choose him as a role model to adopt behavior from?
Thank you
1. I am far more likeable than she is.
2. Far too long for an answer on the blog. I think my posts about MatriNarc make them rather clear.
3. Irrelevant, I am not.
4. No.
5. This is what I am.
6. I choose to be me.
7. N/A
8. Why should it stop it?
9. You may think that.
10. He is dead.
11. I have mentioned his features previously.
12. No, the does not serve my purposes.
Contagious,
I see HG’s father as anything but decent and strong when it comes to the raising of his children, especially HG. Not only did he enable HG’s incubator to abuse him by looking the other way and not stepping in, he also singled HG out for less loving treatment than the other children by not taking him in his arms to comfort him like he did with them. Saying HG can look after himself is not what a father is supposed to do, even if HG may have been capable of it. He should not have had to stand alone against the adults. It was his father’s job to be there for him, and he wasn’t. HG’s father knew what his wife was like to him and how she behaved towards HG, at least some of it, which was bad enough. Yet I can see nothing that he did to stop her. He was weak just where HG and his siblings needed him to be strong.
Hi Dani,
I’m not sure if my cousin has the alcoholic gene or not. I know very little of her biological father, who died a while ago. But, what you suggested could be a possibility for her to continue to drink the moonshine.
I did watch the HG and AI videos and I found them interesting and wanted more questions to be asked….so much of Psychopathy I’m interested in knowing more about. I came to the right place!
I am well and I hope you are too. Xx
……Indeed, they are tangerine.
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/52/57/10/525710a0e49db7d69142541f1da68334.jpg
Hands up who knew they were tangerine??
Last questions, I know people are interested in psychopaths. 1. But is it much rarer to be an IPSS of one v a narc? I haven’t found one person on here yet who said she or he married a psychopath….2. Do they prefer a class or cadre of empaths like a narc?
1 Yes, because psychopaths are rarer than narcissists.
2. No.
Thank you!!
1. i read 1% of the general population, is that true?
2. Do they prefer empaths?
3 normals?
4. Narcs?
5. Whatever gets them what they want..?
Or
6. Depends on the type of ASPD ( still trying!!!! lol)
X
Hi HG: Tyson v Jake paul 11/15/24: .1. Narc in narc? Funny on the pregame show on Netflix Tyson says his wife told him “ if no one knew who you were, you would be dead.” He told the camera “ true.” My house will be FULL for the fight:)
If I had to guess, I think Grandpa Mob was a psychopath. Or aspd would be the best fit for him. He liked to tease, but there was no sense he did it for fuel. He never appeared to need fuel or anything else other than to command the room. He just teased for fun, took turns with everyone present, always poking out of curiosity.
Even though he was gregarious and generous with family, there was no mistaking the menace always accompanying him only slightly beneath the surface, right down to the mischievous twinkle in eyes constantly scanning the room.
He never lingered long. Popped in unannounced for a couple hours or half day then vanished again. If we weren’t home when he showed up he’d leave a trunkload of the gifts he always brought on the porch and leave, never waiting around. Never knew if or when we’d see him again. Sometimes he showed up about monthly, the six months or a year might pass. Never knew where he lived or visited his home until he was well into his 80s.
Very confusing as a kid. Couldn’t figure out why I was so uneasy around Santa Grandpa other than he was loud. Overpowering or all encompassing might be a better description than loud. It was always exciting and fun when he turned up yet I tried hard not to catch his attention. I hid behind people at the back of the gathering or, several times, under a buffet table with a floor length cloth. Took my brothers with me under the table where we could watch.
Grandpa demanded I not be hesitant, it clearly offended him that I was stand-offish. That is the only somewhat negative thing I think he ever did with me directly.
Most of what I have learned about npd fits at least a couple others, not all, on that side of the family. And their unaware behaviors were far more damaging over time. Santa was nothing if not consistent in his own way. Throughout the time I knew him he was changeless.
I just saw affinity fraud…. Yessss… classifications of psychopaths coming! Magnetism, use of mask, cognition… hmmm look forward to it!
By the way … will you have a blog soon on your other site? I have more questions about psychopaths or ASPD … your new channel covers more I think on that subject. It’s rarer to meet one. Lucky me I was 7 years married to one. But you know? He gave me a much more stable life and a great maternity. And he was a decent father. The divorce and child custody wasn’t easy … at all. But my narc husband was far worse. Odd. One I loved the other? Maybe at a time. Maybe you don’t get addicted to psychopaths the way you do narcs. Hmmm see? Another question….
Contagious, what other site?
Oops Dani, I meant his other blog. It’s there he discusses psychopathy more. Both interest me. In affinity fraud, he mentioned more coming on psychopathy!
Other YouTube channel, I only have one blog, this one.
Thank you, sir.
Sorry HG I meant to r the YouTube channel.
Good Morning HG. Know you are busy. But would you ever consider a blog of short stories or other fictional writing? Maybe the blog could be short sections of larger works for sale. I know I’d be interested and suspect others would as well.
Wondering. If you did fictional writing, would you continue as HG Tudor or create another character or pseudonym?
Have you accessed Volumes 1&2 of Narc Tales, also Seduction and Ensnared?
Listened to Ensnared. Started Seduction but was too annoyed by the end of Ensnared to continue with the same characters. Its been awhile. I’ll try Seduction again.
Regarding Ensnared. Very well written and read. I just was ready to throttle the ‘let me save you from your abusive husband’ guy by the end. Dude. I get it. She’s hot. But you bought ‘why little ol’ me don’t know nothing about coke’ then started supplying her with coke for breakfast, lunch and dinner 10 minutes later. Dumbass. Or narc. In which case, whatever.
Narc Tales also romance novels? Longer fractured fairy tales would be neat.
As always,
Thank you
Hi Nifty,
HG does have books (fiction and nonfiction) published under a pseudonym–that he has not shared at this time.
“The Three Little Empaths” is a fun fiction story by HG. HG expertly narrates it and does fun accents. Just a delight. You can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydR3PEiYPLo
Thank you for answering! How did you come across this intel on another pseudonym? Is there a secret society I need to join? What level of difficulty are the initiation rites?
Hi Nifty–
There are questions all over on narcsite about HG’s writing outside the HG Tudor pen-name.
Here’s One:
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-12/#comment-448842
I know there are more questions about HG’s writing on “Questioning Me.” You can also listen through to the interviews that HG has given. Those are found in a playlist on the Ultra channel. I have not read/heard a title/pseudonym for HG. He has said that there was a fantasy adventure story (if my memory is good) and the nonfiction books relate to what he does professionally.
The initiation rites…are secret…I was sworn to secrecy…not a peep about the bonfire and s’mores. Not a whisper about the Tudorite “Circle of Devotion” around a dark tower and the shadowy silhouette of a tall man against the moonlight standing tall and imposing in a crenel. A soft breeze blowing a cape behind him and a cane in his hand. A powerful booming voice…not unlike what one might imagine Darth Vader’s to sound like were he British commanded us. Then we sang “True Faith” by New Order…
I’m such a blabber-mouth…I can’t be trusted. Sorry…
No smores?! So when I click the link it takes me to the top of the page. 7,383 replies and counting to sort through. Uncle. I’m not having any luck tracking conversations in the app or browser. Thanks for trying though!
Hi Dani,
I think Contagious is talking about the Knowing HG forum. Only people who’ve bought the “Knowing HG” series have access to that site.
“I’m such a blabber-mouth…I can’t be trusted. Sorry…”
You’re just itching to go back on that wall, aren’t you?
I operate by a code on Narcsite, Allison.
1. Don’t threaten HG’s control. If you do, you’re a revolting peasant.
2. Send questions to fuel him. Wholesome fun for HG and me.
3. If HG takes a character trait from me, that’s an honour and a privilege. Tell everyone, “His Grace has found me worthy.”
4. Residual benefits are his due. Be grateful to provide them.
5. If you end up on the wall…you’re in HG’s hands.
(Yes, I like imagining HG as a Duke. Particularly after he conveyed the tale of a lady dressed in Astroturf meeting him a second time. (More soon, please.) And the proper address as I understand goes with his initials.)
Hi, Dani–
I admit I feel a little embarrassed by all the feelings he causes in me. Why can’t I just be a good girl and get educated? But he is a unique experience, and that allows me to work out what I am in a safe and systematic fashion. It’s not like therapy. It meets another set of needs therapy can’t touch, and my response to him brings all kinds of aspects forward–erotic and not–for me to examine. I have a code, too, but it’s rather naughty.
I’ve figured out that men in general are not legitimate sexual and/or emotional prospects for me in my real life–women are exceptionally fulfilling and I’m tired of wasting my time. But I still find myself wanting to climb Mount Tudor. For educational purposes, of course.
One of my friends will only agree to a Golden Girls arrangement if we have a pool boy. Since she claimed Blanche, I’d like Rose. Still interviewing for Sophia and Dorothy.
OOOH, OOOH, OOOH! Pick me, pick me, lol! I wanna be Sophia!
Forget the pool boy. Chauffeur! We need a chauffeur!!! There’s one on YouTube: The Whistler-Classic Mystery Radio-“Backfire”
This toaster is not worthy!
Hi Allison,
I think HG has caused all sorts of emotions that crash over and around the Tudorites. Everyone deals with HG inspired emotions in their own way. I think it’s very normal to have a huge confusing mix of emotions that are complicated regarding an entity like HG. (Yes, he’s a man, a mighty fine man…But he’s also, in many ways, a disembodied voice of reason–almost like a conscience in some ways.) We don’t get to see him or to enter his august presence so it’s easy to let him take on the role of the narcissist that our addiction craves. I would be shocked if he hasn’t dealt with thousands of crushes of varying intensities from his followers. I’ve read more than one story of major crushes. I have even seen a few stories from people who were/are in love with their image of HG, the smoothest, most sensual voice to ever post on YouTube.
Gratitude is a powerful feeling, especially considering the dire circumstances some Tudorites have shared of their escapes. The candidness and no BS is refreshing, no doubt, after the nonsense endured from their former narc dealers. Many people admire his intellect, his understanding, his charm, his voice, the mystery…and I have no doubt there are feelings that expand far beyond those that can pull a Tudorite ever closer to their desires for more with HG. I can think of more. He’s also safe for his internet followers…because he’s not stupid. He’s not going to jeopardize the point of what is approaching ten years of hard work. I wonder if he did command Tudorites to go somewhere…like a concert…how many woukd go just because he said to do it? You conveyed very eloquently not so long ago the spell HG casts…he’s a wizard, every bit the equal of Merlin or Gandalf in terms of power…but every bit as nefarious as their greatest foes. For some, that darkness may be the most tantalizing of all, be it in an erotic way or otherwise.
What are you coming to understand you are, if you don’t mind answering?
How has coming to know HG and understanding what he is challenged and changed your understanding of yourself?
Hi, Dani–
Thank you for your thoughtful response. In answer to your questions, I’m understanding I’m a lesbian. For many years I considered myself bisexual, but after some long talks with bisexual and straight women I’ve realized that they have a need for men and an experience of them that is foreign to me. Despite the problems, they describe a beauty about getting to know a man that eludes me. Sex with a man for me is almost entirely a mechanical affair and almost like a sport. Emotionally, we can be great buddies. I’ve even felt bound to some men and been in long relationships with them but that was mostly about my own desire to “help” and to be seen as normal.
I think my mistake was trying to take my feelings of camaraderie and enjoying the sex and spin those into something more, but it wasn’t actually heterosexuality or bisexuality. I was trying to avoid being gay because having a woman as a romantic partner if the relationship ends badly can hurt like nothing else. I was afraid of risking that again. I should have taken the hint from all the men I’ve been involved with who straight up told me I was a lesbian, but I think I was engaging in avoidance. I want to make it clear that I don’t believe that bisexuality itself is a phase or something unserious or a sign of confusion, greed, etc. But for me whenever I was with a man I always felt a need to be with a woman and I nearly always included women in my life in a significant erotic/emotional way. However, when I’m with a woman I have no desire whatsoever to deal with a man. I’m totally involved with her and at home in a basic sense.
As far as what HG has done for me in this regard, the understanding of myself that he has provided me has been incredibly healing and life affirming. He lifted my shame about my trauma, about the complications of being an empath, and about how I’ve been entangled by narcissists. If that had been all, that gift of assisting me in gaining my power, that would have been worth a lifetime of devotion. But his role in my imagination provides me with clarity about my real life and what I truly want for myself, and that includes the fact that I can accept myself more fully as a lesbian. My erotic feelings toward him come out of that sense of gratitude and devotion, and he also serves as a masculine ideal for me. The erotic fantasy is of benefit to me because I know it would never be realized, but it allows me to work out some things in a safe way. In fact, if we ever met, as much as I’m a horny girl I’d be delighted to spend time with him giving me a tour of his library or his closet instead of his bed.
So, HG provides me the challenge to gain my power in all areas, to have the courage to face myself, and to be less afraid through greater understanding. In the important area of who I am as an erotic being he’s freed me to be honest and to live in an integrated manner. Each strength I gain leads to another, and he means much to me.
Thank you for sharing, Allison. I found your answer very interesting, and it was beautifully stated.
HG,
There have been stories on social media lately about men expecting their wives to vote for the same candidate as them and women feeling unable to share different voting intentions with their husbands.
I am assuming there would be a narcissist in these households, because I can’t imagine a non narcissist suppressing their partner’s voting choice. Am I correct?
It is a narcissistic behaviour but it does not mean, of itself, that that person is a narcissist.
I think your question is interesting, annaamel. Thanksgiving will be a wild ride around some dinner tables. It seems very fitting the holiday was officially established during the Civil War.
I’m not sure where to put this question so I’ll leave it here. I’m interested to hear a response from other empaths as well as HG.
Into the woods was all good fun, but by part 3 it was inexplicably making me nauseous, almost as much as Diddy. Enough to find both Diddy and the woods repellent now. As it should be regarding Diddy. But what a shame about the woods! I wish I could experience 14 year old HG as an adolescent but, unfortunately, I’m not picking up any of that. Same ageless HG in most stories. No developmental stages.
Obviously there’s no comparison between the events described in Diddy or the woods. Its the feel that’s sadly lining up for me. Outwardly, HG and Claire are an age appropriate pairing. But it still feels like a young adult man sexually seducing a child. Like a guy in college trying to have sex with a middle school girl. For me, its a jarring, inappropriate disconnect that throws me out of the story. If they were both in late high school or college, giving Claire a chance to mature, it would be racy.
I realize Claire has agency. But unlike HG, her chronological and emotional age feel the same in the story. She meets what appears to be a boy her age disguising someone thinking and behaving as an adult. She notices. Remarks that he’s funny. Of course that was her ‘get out’ red flag, but she’s 14. I doubt any of us, other than HG, were well versed in flags at that age.
Part of the problem is HGs rejection of any childish mistakes or vulnerabilities. He could write about himself in kindergarten and still sound 5 going on 40. I’m wondering if any other empaths have marked a similar emotional disconnect in the feel of this or other stories I’ve not encountered.
My question for HG. Did you have something resembling adolescence? Pimples, unrequited loves, fumbling sex? Or did you emerge from childhood fully formed as the man you are today?
Thanks for considering.
Yes, I experienced adolescence.
So that means psychopathy or aspd, unlike npd, is not a cake baked in childhood? Does development continue throughout one’s life? Or does the cake set up later?
As always,
Thanks HG
Hi, Niffty. I’ll try to explain how it was for me. I found the story real fantasy fodder because it took me back to my adolescence. For me that aspect was nostalgic and not like I was weirdly spying on two teenagers as an adult. Having been a teacher I find all children to be these odd little disease factories and I hardly give notice to them, but the story was the memory of a mature man about a specific time in his life so in that way it connected with me. My memories of encounters from that time are still with me, and they’re full of things to laugh about but they also provide daydreams as part of my life experience. My childhood is part of me. As I recall I had a particularly deep response to the third video in the series.
I’m going to look up Michelle from fifth grade phys ed, I think. She was a demon on those roller skates.
I found young HG to be in essence already what he is now in terms of his narcissism and psychopathy, but the stream of inner talk he exhibited was his adolescent force in action. I found it fascinating to listen to him thinking, then to go slack at his overt response, then to experience how he focused in on their reactions, then to feel sick with dread as he adjusted tactics to gain advantage. I thought it was very interesting to get this early picture and a deeper understanding. Experiencing the stories was similar to when I’m with someone I truly like as an adult and they show me a snapshot of themselves when they were growing up. It gives me this really tender feeling towards them as they are now as a mature person because I get a snippet of their past. I know he’s doing some awful things there, but, dammit, he’s my narcissistic psychopath and I’ll accept no other. So, I experienced myself now during his telling, but also as an adolescent and in the girl’s place, engaged with the story, and in the narrative. Boy, was I ever against that tree!
I keep in mind that this is HG recounting something, so it’s for a purpose. This series just reaffirms for me that he’s been a manipulator for a very long time. It’s the wrongness of that which ignites my kinks, that he’s always been a threat. I think, “Thank God I never ran into that one. But I surely wish I had.” I appreciate that he’s revealed something to us about his early stages even as it’s through his current presentation. He’s possessed of an excellent memory and it’s a thrilling display. The series is as stirring as hearing the prescient childhood compositions of a mature musical genius, and as disturbing as watching a young lion feed.
Thanks for taking the time to respond. No idea what accounts for the delayed bursts of notifications on my end. They always arrive in my inbox in large batches, dates shuffled. Some are repeats. I tend to compulsively dismiss excessive or nagging emails that don’t just get to the point.
Can’t argue with children as odd little petrie dishes. Never entertained teaching professionally. Already personally responsible for enough of the lovely little buggers over the years. Wouldn’t trade it for anything. And filled my quota.
Within the story, I think the dissonance for me was simply that HG felt older than he was while Claire felt about right if naive. Sure I fondly recall experimenting at their age. I just don’t recall kissing anyone I met 10 minutes ago before reaching late teens and having easy access to alcohol.
At any rate,
Take care
“I just don’t recall kissing anyone I met 10 minutes ago before reaching late teens and having easy access to alcohol.” Ha ha!
Then I won’t let you know the kind of shenanigans I got into on first sight at that age!
Hi Niffty,
You said, “No idea what accounts for the delayed bursts of notifications on my end. They always arrive in my inbox in large batches, dates shuffled.”
When Mr. Tudor takes a break and doesn’t post any comments, there’s no notifications or emails either. Then once he’s moderating again and posts the comments, you’ll get the emails and notifications. The longer you’re here, the more you’ll get used to it.
HG, I really enjoyed your explanation about Hallowe’en, especially how you spoke of the way we do it in America and the reasons behind all the customs. The history was fascinating, and the visuals were striking. Of course, with your magnificent voice, it was all very beautiful and chilling for the season. Thank you for all the new treats in the Treasure Trove! You made my holiday.
You’re welcome.
Hi HG:
It’s just so frustrating for me. I know I am not you, of course. But I have followed Darrel Brooks series. Excellent! I have followed you a long time and I see the traits of narcissism as defined by you completely in Brooks but so close (to me ) to so many low level criminal case studies that Hare found to be ASPD! But how do you separate them from low level ASPD? ( not Virginia the zombie or high level psychopaths like leaders of financial scams or leaders of countries but your run of the mill criminal). I read ALOT and followed Robert Hare as married to an ASPD and going through a custody dispute. It was so close to me then. And it’s tough for me to separate the wheat from the chafe. Many of Hares ASPD case studios are SIMILIAR to Brooks but your detailed analysis shows nuances…. I think key ones. But is there a red flag between the two? See below my pick.
ASPD run of the mill Criminals, some violent, never at fault always , contempt for authority“”no empathy, innocent”, angry, belligerent, liars, and stupid. 30% per share fill our prisons. Compare them to a lesser. Some of your analysis would lean to a narc. But what exact red flag if any does separate them? Maybe I need to stay tuned. I guessed below.
Narc: Reckless, no empathy, doesn’t follow laws, no impulse control, entitled, grandiose, not remorseful, contempt for authority, can be violent, liar, victim mentality “innocent”
Lack of control environment , heated fury ( tantrums)
V.
ASPD: Entitled doesn’t follow laws, no empathy, grandiose, not remorseful, claims he is “ innocent” ( does he believe it like a narc or say it?) no impulse control, can be violent, contempt for authority and they can engage in fury if there is a perceived threat or or an obstruction in a goal as emotionally detached…
But word salad is a narc trait whereas to me missing societal cues seems is a psychopath trait ( see pro per representation by Bundy, I watched it) , paranoia is a lesser narc trait ( v a psychopath ?) hypersensitivity to criticism or wounding , he feels they are laughing at him seems a narc trait , silent treatments is a narc trait typically but not always midrange ( does a psychopath regularly use silent treatment? I think not) lack of control environment is typical for a psychopath but I don’t think it is needed for an ASPD. ?
The narc motives are key: control, fuel, residual benefits, character traits v
ASPD is stimulation, control and accumulation under your definition.
Now I don’t see goals, or accumulation with Brooks ( ie he is not a robber, a serial killer collecting trophies or a scam artist or a conquerer). Brooks seems more half hazard, no goals, just a mess. He wasn’t a bank robber hitting people in his way as he tried to escape and killed 8 people. Is that the key red flag? A narc is half hazard or himself and an ASPD is goal oriented. Should you Ask yourself if debating if a narc or ASPD, what does he want?
My ASPD ex wanted sex, children, barefoot in the kitchen type of thing and respectability/a front. I don’t think he cared if I gave him attention or validated him ( so long as I was his sole possession), he wanted sex. Children from me. He didn’t need my money. He told me to turn down a 259,000-300,000 job as I wouldn’t need it.
Whereas my LMR wanted ALL of me, my FULL attention, sex, validation, and my money, life style etc…
Now the rest of my long term relations were with empaths and one normal.
But if my ASPD had not been so rich and successful, it would be harder to distinguish. Say if he was a low level criminal ( ok maybe I would not have married him?).
But my observation and experience in life and education from you is the top sign is one needs fuel the other doesn’t. That would be my top pick.
1. Am I right?
But it seems that no two psychopaths are exactly alike … you have classes ( ultra, greater, middle, lesser) and cadres ( elite , cerebral, somatic) for narcs but for psychopaths other than sociopath, I don’t see any distinguished. Whenever I listened to your videos of you as a psychopath… beauty, grief, empty. Some resonated but a lot did not as you are a refined intelligent, cultural man, my ex was rich but not the rest and although a lot of your videos applied traits to him some did not such as beauty unless MMA fighting is @ beauty” too. There must be some sort of “ scale” or trait clumping for ASPD.
2. Am I right? Is it a stay tuned….?
Word Salad is potentially also a symptom of several organic illnesses such as dementia or alzheimers. Stressors in this case can similarly be a heightened emotional response to the topic and/or the brain protecting from self awareness of the illness as long as possible just as the narcicism protects itself.
Hi Niffty:
I had not thought about that… interesting! Thanks!
Contqgious,
I had the same question about Psychopaths and they are not all alike and if there is a school and cadre for psychopaths like there is for narcs. The comment got lost, or I didn’t get notice of it posting…but. I thought the same as you. My psychopath brother wasn’t like Bundy or Gacy, he wasn’t violent or homicidal…different psychopath, definitely. I agree with you. I’d like to know too. Xx
Hey Rebecca:
Since I was married to one and you have a brother ( was he diagnosed? , mine was), we are a rare few. I ask LOTS of questions to HG on psychopaths but he rarely publishes them or answers all of my questions. I think 1. It is a rarer subject, most people don’t get a psychopath in their life. I think 1% but lucky us. 2. HG plans on releasing material on the subject in his own good time and it is his company, his choice. 3. HG says he is aware of Hare but doesn’t follow him. Dr. Hare is the lead psychologist who developed the PCL-R test. He assessed Bundy among others. Hare spent his life in prison populations so some are critical how it applies outside de prisons.
But another one like you, who has spent decades with an ASPD knows they are different. HG different. My ex husband different. Your brother different. Bundy different. Now Bundy had compulsions towards violence and sex. Is that different? I have a million questions but our beloved ultra will most likely cover it when he wants on his own time. His new channel is a hope as it is also focused and n psychopathy. Until then, stay tuned. And although most people focus on narcissists, I think many are fascinated by ASPD or psychopaths. As HG said, they are rarer. I don’t meet anyone but you who even knows one. I can tell you mine was far easier ( except divorce) than a narc and some don’t even commit crimes. Mine did. Even serial killers like Gacy were community family men. Now my divorce was scary. My first husband ASPD put a gun to my head ( I had to hire security), hired people to stop me from moving out, sued me for full custody saying I was delusional etc…( I imagined the drugs, the crimes, the guns) but once it ended, it ended. And made it hard for him during the divorce by make by it public, getting agencies involved, filing motion after motion and the never backed down) but once over Peace. No Hoovers. Cooperation. And he is a “ good” dad too. He was a very loyal bed and he supports then in their endeavors despite grown. Who would have believe that? What about your brother? Any contact? The FBI and IRS crime fraud unit called me in. BUT they never prosecuted. They only take 12 cases a year in the OC. It’s why I divorced him.
Hi Contagious,
Thanks for sharing more info on your ex husband’s behaviors and the difficult divorce from him. I’m glad you got free from him. I think how bad a psychopath is to their victim, varies on the psychopath, as you and I have noticed they are different from each other as much as narcs are different from each other.
My brother came up psychopath from HG’s NDC of him, but I can see all the psychopathic behaviors looking back on my brother’s behaviors. He wasn’t diagnosed, except for having ADHD and dyslexia. He refused family counseling, only went a week and refused to go back. He refused to admit anything.
He did some crimes like throwing stink bombs in mailboxes, setting fire to the woods, hurting the family dog and hurting me. He wasn’t overly violent, but I didn’t leave my stepkids alone with him, nor my dogs. His focus on kids bothered me, though as far as I know, no kids were hurt by him, except me. I hope that’s true, but I have no way of knowing now.
If I were to ask him, I know he would deny it because he was the type to hide behind the hero facade. He was an Army Vet, volunteer fireman and a truck driver…the All American hero complex was him. If he hurt anyone else, he can’t now. He died. No contact is not an issue. When he was alive, he lived with me, after our parents died young. He moved in with me and was a main part of my life for a while. Like you, Contagious, I lived with a psychopath too. I wasn’t married to him, but close to it. I recognized him as my brother, I don’t think he saw me as his sister at times and I had to maintain boundaries with him. It upset me to have to send him packing and he died within 6 months of moving out. He had his third heart attack and this one killed him. It took me a while to stop blaming myself for him dying. I thought, if only he would have been living with me…, but I finally realized it would have happened in my house too. It had nothing to do with me, it happened because he smoked too much, ate poorly and wouldn’t listen to doctor’s advice.
He was as different from HG as a Somatic narc is from a Victim narc. I hope HG does do schools and cadres for the psychopaths, like he did for narcs, but like you said, Contagious, it is HG’s work, it’s up to HG what he does. We can only ask for more info on psychopaths. Like you, I’m wanting more knowledge because of personal interest and they are so rare and so many doctors just put them all in the same box and they don’t belong in the same box. They are different. Xx
I agree, Allison. Perfect experience.
Oh speaking of which…
1. Are there unaware psychopaths? My ex didn’t like his diagnosis. I don’t know if it was because he lost 80% custody from it or he simply disagreed with her. He used to say psychobabblers are only a “ point of view.” He didn’t see it as a science in any form. In fact, as the term indicates, he thought they were all idiots who joined the profession due to their own problems. Many were not rich and he also looked down on those who didn’t have money. His words.
Yes.
Hi Contagious,
I don’t think my brother was aware of his psychopathy, I don’t think he spent a lot of time thinking deeply about things, he was more impulsive, than a thinker. He went, univited and took what he wanted, he needs a car, doesn’t matter it’s not his, he takes it and does errands, drives around with it. Now you have an issue, with him taking your car, to him, that’s your issue, has nothing to do with him. And then, it’s what’s your problem? Why are you so mean to him? Xx
Oh Rebecca: I get it. Yes. My husband was that way. He got busted for shoplifting socks with a wad of 100s in his pocket. He once stole chairs out front of a CVS. He said to me when asked, he paid for it. He told me his mother taught him to switch prices on items in a store. His daughter once told me he would have her run into a movie theatre or swap meet to avoid paying. The cost saved 5$ or 1$!!! He was a multimillionaire!!! And just like you said, you have an issue with that, it’s your issue!!! I think that was his attitude about his ASPD diagnosis. Not his problem. But I honestly found him more stable and easier to deal with than a narc. My ex ASPD was a criminal but not abusive ( well, until I was in a divorce and in his way but after… easy as pie). Have you dealt with narcs? My narc was drama. Abusive at times. Silent treatments, word salad, you name it. So interested in which was worse in your case and why? In my case, my step son was like daddy: drug dealer, arsonist at 14. I tried to save him. But my husband ASPD would not lift a finger “ he is his own man.” He bought himself another rolls Royce but would not pay for his son’s therapy or put his son in a private school. He said “ too much money.” I fell out of love then. No heartache divorcing him. It was GROSS. A convertible rolls Royce was ok, but help for a troubled teen was not. As the child evaluator said “ total neglect.” I paid a counselor for a year for my husband about it to change his mind thinking a good licensed professional would work. She would say to him “your son will end up in prison or dead.” Well, he went to prison from 16-35. But my ex did nothing to assist him. No love. No concern”. He is his own man.” Disgusting. Yet, overall on the day to day, he was a cake walk compared to the narc.
My ex was a fantastic pick pocket and thief.
Hi Contagious,
Yes, I experienced narcs in my life. I was raised by a LMRV narc mother, Dad was Normal, first husband was ULTypeB Elite narc and second husband is MLSNarc. I have narc coworkers and a narc boss. My brother was a psychopath. I’d have to say my LMRVnarc mother was worse than my psychopath brother, she was more abusive and so was my first ULTypeBElite Narc ex husband. My brother liked to torment me and tried to rape me one time, but even that wasn’t as bad as my narc mother. To me, from my experiences, narcs are worse, but I think also it has to do with the type of psychopath my brother was….I’m sure Bundy’s victims, for example, would disagree with me and feel psychopaths are worse, but not all psychopaths are homicidal and violent. I would say, Contagious, that it really depends on the psychopath and the narc one is dealing with. Xx
Hello HG! Thank you for this blog. I have just found it. I read moderation rules.
I got several questions. First on psychopathy.
If a person does some of the following:
– beats up or torture the animal/dog in front of the victim
– can eat alive insects, like a cockroach or spider with a calm straight face like it’s a normal food, staring at victim.
– licks/drinks blood, and not only his
– has no disgust to whatever
– hates all people and the world, but charming and very social to outside world.
Physical,sexual and verbal abuse, manipulations, but as I understood, it’s common for both Narcissist and psychopath.
So is this person psychopath or Narcissist? Dynamic was exactly like with a narcissist. Or it can be determined only via Narc test?
If you want to determine what somebody is nata43tm, be it narcissist, psychopath or neither of those outcomes the appropriate thing to do is to put them through the Narc Detector.
Thank you, HG, for replying. I understand. Yes, I considered using a narc detector, but then I realized, I don’t want to spend my money, even one dollar on a such POS he was, plus no desire to relive that experience by describing it. I locked all those memories and threw a key long time ago. It’s just your materials, things you depicted there, triggered me. I know he was a Narcissist, many things fit. Probably a mid ranger, with a facade. He even controlled what music I would listen to, creating me a playlist of his choice, not only my appearance. Anyway, F him. I think, Idc anymore what or who he was. Thank you again for your work. It’s mind blowing.
You are welcome.
Hi, nata–
I found the confirmation from the ND to be well worth the investment. The level of detail it provides has served me well not only in terms of the specific narcissist in question but in improving my own logic. Also, it was useful when one person I thought was a narcissist turned out to be a normal because I was at a point where I was seeing narcissists everywhere and it gave me a reality check.
You’ll find that if you obtain a consultation that you won’t be spending any of your resources on the potential narcissist; you’re doing this for yourself and it will be entirely to your own benefit. It will also assist in your understanding of the wealth of material HG makes freely available. When I consider all the time and money I’ve wasted on narcissists for nothing in return I’m even more appreciative of what he provided through consultation. The peace of mind provided by a bespoke analysis is life changing.
Hello, Alison 🙂
Thank you for replying. Yes, I totally agree with you, a narc detector is a great tool. I ended “relationship” in May, started to look for answers on what was that. The search led me here. I took a narc test and HG confirmed he was a narcissist, LMR elite. It helped a lot in healing process.
Regarding that thing I was with.
After 8 years since breakup with him. I was living not only at a different city or country as him, but at another continent. Once I decided to register at certain social media, under my maiden name to find some school friends. Just one day passed, literally, and I received a very long message from him, saying sorry, etc, with a gift, bouquet of roses attached. He enjoyed writing, poems especially. Dark ones, where he called me a spider for some unknown sick reason. That message sent shivers down my spine. But, today, I really don’t care about him and was simply curious. I actually, completely forgot about the whole thing till recently, when I read some of HG books. I just want him back to where he was – in oblivion.
Hi Nata:
Nice to meet you! A consult with HG is best advised. But! I was married 7 years to a diagnosed ASPD. We had a child psychologist for a custody dispute. My ex was cruel to animals. I learned later from her report, he used to tie up his little poodles mouth and legs and leave it in the garage for accidents in the house when he was young. His mother admitted he was a bed wetter. Oddly another trait and he was a criminal in his adult life but never sent to prison although investigated by the government. I was called in which is why the filed for divorce. He was very funny and charming BUT he kept his life private. He doesn’t don’t eat insects or drink blood or kill anyone that I am aware of but nothing fazed him. Nothing. He could hit his hand with a hammer. No emotions. His father died. No real emotions. Logic. Always logic. He didn’t sleep much and never dreamed too. I have a very high pain tolerance and I react calmly in extreme situations but I am with great emotion so HG would be your best bet to be sure. It’s complicated as in most experience ASPD can fit in society well. In my experience, they are stable not drama queens or children. Rare to lose it if ever unlike narcs. Hope this helps!
Hello Contagious!
Nice to meet you, too. I appreciate you sharing your story. I’m glad, he is your ex and out of your life. I’m sorry, I don’t feel like dwelling on my past bad experience at this moment. Wish you all the best.
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-18/#comment-457931
HI Rebecca, I understand about the PDiddy video being difficult for you. Your experiences were extremely traumatic. Of course, I (and I am sure some others) can understand that you went back into time (returning back to the time when you had lack of control of what / when / where / how / who / why) – it is not your own fault for being triggered and returning to the LOCEs. Sometimes people may not realise (ie those that did not have similar experiences to yours, mine, etc) that the triggers of LOCEs may not centre on one person, one incident, one location, etc. Not all past traumas may have been by a person.
HG’s recent videos about Richard’s story triggered me. Matrinarc acted similar, I’ve not had an NDC done on her but she was not Type A for sure. I had one done on my sibling though. It still hurts because I had / have other stuff going on at the same time, so it’s not fully ‘processed’ (dealt with, if you can understand). I’d explained to someone locally that the sister has no emotional empathy for me and why she had not been in contact with me (assertion of control) and since the NDC, I’ve been in no contact.
The one person I ‘hated’ was matrinarc. I laughed (just now) at recalling several people’s expression and gasps of shock at my informing them that I hated her. Seriously?! They were not there! They did not see what she did behind closed doors. How she behaved. What she said. Even the rest of my family did not see the worst of the abuse. I don’t ‘hate’ her now as I’ve ‘processed’ it.
You say you “hated” PDiddy. That may be the case, or, indirect by projection of your ‘anger’ / ‘hatred’ because of what happened to you. Similarly, I don’t ‘hate’ Sheree as an individual, only her treatment of Richard. It impacted me more because of the visual (the tapes of her abusing him).
Thank you for sharing and thank you for listening xx (that goes to HG too xx).
Hi, Asp Amp–
“I laughed (just now) at recalling several people’s expression and gasps of shock at my informing them that I hated her.”
Right! I know that look. You can’t hate Dear Old Mom! Or, at least, you can’t SAY it.
Hey my friends: need some help here. My ex a MLN was basically sectioned this year. He was living with his MLN mum and they had a falling out and they took him to government housing and under psychiatric care. I had doctors calling me in California as separated since 2019, but I was still next of kin. I cooperated. Then he did things I could not ignore in his paranoia and I got him to agree to a walk away divorce. Police were calling me from the UK offering to give me protection, and support here in my he USA! I did not reply. He set up a fake account I can’t delete and get songs and messages about his loneliness, how he is mind controlled by aliens and others, how our divorce is not true, he never agreed ( but he signed!), how he lives up a tree, and is so alone, how we are still together in space, and his pics are of someone very mentally not well and tired. He lives with his ghastly mom. I don’t know if the government released him. I have been no contact for a long time but I have a mutual friend who I could contact. I don’t discuss my ex except when they took him, but I had been going full contact. BUT I l would be lying if I didn’t say I didn’t worry. I don’t think he is pretending to be paranoid or delusional. I think he has other issues outside narcissism. The doctors said when they called me that he refuses meds and they don’t force them down in his throat in the uk. Is this ET? Am I a bad person for not reaching out and providing love and support during a divorce with a very sick man? There is no future. This was not the man I married even with MLN …he got sick sick much later… think A Beautiful Mind sick… or do I just walk away and pray for him? I struggle. I don’t want him back but I want him to be ok. Any advice appreciated… it is also important interesting when you have a narc with other mental health issues. In his mind, there’s nothing wrong with him, music ( he is an artist) is mind controlling him and we are still together, the divorce is not real and aliens are coming … but he feels “ so alone””
You may have answered your own question. Would a beautiful mind know it was you supporting him? You from now, then, the future or space?
You’ve mentioned previously strong analytical skills when practicing law. So what is the risk/benefit analysis? Risks too long to list. Benefit to him seems impossible given the state you’ve described. Benefit to you, a clear conscience.
Only you can do the math. Only you know what you value most. Keeping you in mind in a purple bubble.
Thank you sir much Niffty for responding. The government placed him there. There isn’t support for mental illness. I feel guilty at times but I have decided ne nothing. I was once sent a supportive email at the beginning. But I won’t take him back. He’s should not have written here but if feel bad at times. Still Have do nothing. It is an analysis but it makes my head ok, not always my heart.
Hi Contagious,
You need to keep your ex out of your life. He’s your ex for a reason….don’t get involved in his melodrama. He’ll rope you back in and you don’t want him back.
You’re not a bad person, you deserve your peace, keep him out.
You said he’s going more issues than NPD, then you definitely need to keep him out and keep on moving forward. Xx
My ex husband is ULTypeB narc and he was diagnosed Borderline PD, when we were together, so he was really unstable and I’m glad I left him when I did. I tell you this because I can undersrand what it’s like to be married to a narc with other issues going on with him. Xx
My advice, speak with HG and stay away from your ex, block him, keep him out. Xx
Hi Contagious,
You posted once before about this but you must’ve missed the responses. Here’s my response:
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-18/#comment-457552
TS, Jordy, Nifty & Allison responded also.
Hello Leigh:
You are correct. There were signs before. This has a the worst. Plus we are in a divorce so I am certain it’s made his condition worse. You are correct. While I left, haven’t seen him in years, and am going through the divorce but UK process takes awhile. I guess my issue was a he has narcissism plus another condition. I think psychosis. So it’s sad. But thank you for your reply, I appreciate lan on doing nothing. Keeping no contact. I consulted with HG. I’m agree 100% xxx
Hello dear Dani: I did. Rebecca and you are right. HG was the first call and very helpful! There is nothing I can do or really want to do. I guilty admit I wanted my fellow empaths to support my choice ans he isn’t just an MLN but very mentally ill and they did. Thank you sooo much ! Xxx it is not easy but life gives us choices. Its poetry is in motion. I am certain in time I will be certain my decision was right and I wish him well without me;) thank you soooo much for responding, it means a lot. What a great community that I belong too! We really do have each others backs! x
Contagious–
“Am I a bad person for not reaching out and providing love and support during a divorce with a very sick man?”
You provided love and support during your marriage, did it heal and fix him? No.
What is supposed to make a difference now if you reach out and provide love and support?
You’re a bad person according to whom? According to guilt? According to the ideal of a good person who must sacrifice herself for other people’s needs?
He is in the care of doctors and he has the opportunity to take the help the doctors are offering him. He most likely doesn’t want any of it because it’s a threat to his control. You’d need to fix and heal narcissism first. The recipe is in the new video: Helping a Narcissist Fix Their Personality.
Thank you so much Rebecca for replying. It means a lot. There are laws in UK but my gut says h had a psychotic breakdown. I already had decided to do nothing but like I said to Niffty, it’s what I must do, I must but I have moments when I feel bad as he is not well. But I am moving on without hesitation just not feeling great about it always. Such is life. Forward March! X
Dear Contagious,
Personally……
ET is a strong power struggle for us, don’t let it take hold.
Rationally and logically……..
He’s your EX, not ‘your’ problem, don’t make him one!
Let the professionals make him ‘their’ problem.
Take care of yourself first lovely xx
Hello Bubbles! What a joy to see you and thanks for replying. Tbh I made that choice and I must admit I wanted support in doing so. It’s sad but I cannot do a thing about it. And you are right! Least I forgot there are professionals there, much better than me to deal. Forward March! I hope we see more of you my friend! Xxx
Dear Contagious,
I’ll support you as much as you want lovely and thank you kindly for your caring warm vibes.
It is sad we can’t help where we want to, however, there are genuine reasons why we shouldn’t. Following thru with one’s convictions “not to”, is what gives us the strength we absolutely need and must conquer in order to move forward. Dealing with my son has been one of them.
I came across this article and I resonated so much, I think this has always been me. It’s a great insight and may be helpful to you and others…..
https://www.pocketmindfulness.com/lone-wolf-empath/
Be interested to hear others perceptions.
Hang in there Contagious, you can and will do this. I did !
💕
Hello Contagious.
I can imagine it’s an upsetting situation. I’m sure other readers will respond and those with more experience or understanding of a no contact regime will be able to offer more specific advice. But I’ll offer my thoughts.
‘Do I just walk away and pray for him?’
You walk away. And you don’t pray for him. It sounds awful, I know. You have a responsibility to yourself and your children and you must put you and them first. He had a chance to be part of your life. He had biggest and best chance someone can be given.
A strong no contact regime involves cutting all ties. Because a narcissist hoovers (which is what this all is) you must make a huge effort to sever all available lines of communication even getting a court order if the barriers you put in place are being transgressed. If you’re aware of what is going on in his life then you are not no contact. I know there will be additional steps you need to take and this is where other readers, HG and his resources will help. The books on Exorcism and No Contact I’m sure are for these circumstances.
This situation looks to me like a classic ‘narcissist hoovering an empath’ even if your particular circumstances are distinct, and your very understandable emotional thinking is making it very difficult to resist the hoover.
Be strong. Access the resources that will help. Your empath sword must be for you, for your children. Hugs to you.
Hello dear Jordy: Thank you for replying. How funny, I should have thought: the doctors have it. But per them he won’t take meds and UK won’t force it. I am very sure he has problems beyond narcissism. I am not a doctor but it looks like psychosis. Regardless after talking to doctors, I left it to them. I never contacted him but once in the beginning when they took him in and doctors called m here in UK. I consulted HG. God I love he still takes consults!!!!And it was odd when police from UK called me in California to offer support and protection. But I am 6000 miles away. I decided to not get involved. My ET has not changed, I spent about n paper 12 years with him and many good times but my logic overrides it. I just can’t. My uncle sparked the guilt as at my mom’s 80th this summer he said if he had cancer you would be there. Why not mental illness? My uncle has cancer and is in remission and 85. I just said “ I can’t.” I was not going to lecture him on narcissism and what it have learned. Plus, truthfully, he struck a nerve. While I am no contact, I do pray occasionally as I must admit, I sometimes feel bad over his sickness and situation. While a MLN, he suffers from something else severe BUT my friend. Door closed. Marching on! Such is life.
Contagious,
I agree with Rebecca. You should schedule a consultation with HG. I don’t know what you could do for him that wouldn’t come at a terrible cost to yourself.
Hi Contagious,
You’re welcome and try not to feel bad. Xx You need to take care of you and not worry about your ex. He has people tending to him. Rest assured he’s being tended to and like you said, march on….and don’t look back. Xx
Hello Contagious,
I can relate to how you feel – the guilt, wondering if you’re a bad person. My ex had some sort of psychosis round the end of his life (due to alcohol, I would say) and I felt very bad for not taking him back when he wanted me to. He was a musician too. I agree with what the other readers are saying to you. Everyone around me told me the same after his death, but still I kept hanging on to my feeling of guilt. Now I can see that everyone else was right, but there is a distance we have to cover at our own pace between understanding rationally – the analysis – and being convinced.
I will add one argument: yesterday in a documentary, I heard a doctor say that it is established that the ‘helpers’ ( those who look after sick people) often die earlier than those they help – so they absolutely need to let professionals take care of their loved ones who are sick. Dying too soon sure won’t help any.
Take care, Contagious.
“ Police were calling me from the UK offering to give me protection, and support here in my he USA!”
Our UK police called you offering to give you protection in the USA?
Is that so?
Hi Allison, yup, not “allowed” to say ‘hate’ the main abuser ! What people did not take into consideration is that someone who is autistic is more likely to phrase things differently than is “normally” (as per society’s “expectations” !) and say it as it is from their perspective – the shorter the speech, the easier the ‘message’ is “stated” (delivered), mostly instinctive or from observed (not necessarily taught by a non-mentoring, non-nurturing etc maternal parent). Maybe, sometimes, it was an empath’s grenade or two (or a narc version if reduction in emotional empathy).
Hi Asp Amp,
During the workup after my ASD diagnosis (such a long day!) the psychiatrist explained how my missing certain social cues led to some outbursts. Especially when I was younger I didn’t consider that blurting out what I saw as the truth or stating certain facts might not be appreciated.
Hi Allison, “how my missing certain social cues led to some outbursts”. Yes. Especially when not understanding the ‘situation’ (ie LOCE within) and not being aware of narcissism being present either. Late diagnoses did not help (whether self-diagnosed or not ie PTSD / CPTSD) and ASD ! No wonder some autistics who are empaths may opt to try to avoid social interaction, never mind social communication in person.
Dear Annameel:
Thank you for responding. It means a lot. Sigh. I did respond to psychologists. I did consult with HG as I felt obligated to talk to the doctors. That was it. I have gone no contact. I just reached out as my head did the right thing my heart just feels bad as he has other issues besides narcissism. Clearly. I think psychosis which makes my head say go no contact faster but my heart say he is really sick. Nothing I can do. I just cannot do a thing. I do pray. That’s it. You are correct but I do not know if psychotic narcissists can still Hoover. Maybe but it doesn’t matter. Sword up! Thank you! Xxx
Hello HG:
I loved your 20 things you loved and 20 things you hated. It’s interesting. So I had some questions along those lines:
1. Have you paid to book a trip to space?
2. Would you once available.?
3. What do is it about space that most interests you?
4. Do you think AI will find other life sustaining planets? So far, no.
5. What is it about space that interests you and Musk so much?
6. What’s your favorite book on space?
7. What’s your view on quantum mechanics?
8. Do you believe other planets with life exist?
9. What’s your view on aliens?
10. Ever see something supernatural?
11. Have you ever met Matt berry? I love toast!
12. Have you ever met Little Ronnie? I love him! So funny!
I bought some from f your recommendations. I was surprised that you had good advice outside of your blog but I am a man united fan! Stadiums were full back in the day! David Beckham. I decorated my university of Manchester home with him BUT the fans were crazy. I went to one game where horses with Bobby’s went up and down the stairs as the fans actually threw darts and got into bad fights up front! Doubt it’s like that today. Liverpool is my second fav. Loved Stevie G! I just found it unfair man city bought up so many good players from others to become a giant but that’s football.
1. No.
2. Yes.
3. It’s vastness.
4. Yes.
5. I cannot speak for Musk.
6. I do not have one.
7. I understand why it exists.
8. Some form of life, yes.
9. Great film.
10. No.
11. No.
12. No.
Thank you Asp,
I’m sorry you went through a similiar trauma as me and I understand how you felt about your mother. I resented my narc mother,on her last day she was literally crying for me to see her in the hospital, my Dad told me she wasn’t doing well.
I visited her after her surgery and while she was medicated and asleep. She was still hooked up to a machine, replacing the function of her damaged kidneys. I was talking to my Dad, standing over her in the hospital bed. I asked him, how the surgery went…He said, it went ok, but she kept crying over me not being there. I felt bad, but work wouldn’t let me leave. I felt angry at work and guilty for not being there and hearing she was crying for me, made me feel like the worse daughter.
She moaned, when I was talking to Dad, like she was trying to wake up from the drugs she was given for the pain. It was the last time I saw her alive and I felt she knew I was there, though she felt far away to me…like she was in a deep sleep, which she was…the drugs kept her below the surface of wakeness. I felt horrible seeing her laying there, even after all she did, I still felt both love for her and a bit of resentment. How confusing to both love someone and resent them.
She died that night, without a word spoken between us in months…the guilt, I lived with for a while. The resntment I felt towards her, I turned on myself for a while. The things we do when we live with grief. Xx
Sorry, for being depressing here, Asp. Xx I do understand how narc mothers can leave wounds inside you, half of mine are self inflicted. The guilt tore me apart and I did that to myself. Now that I know she was a LMRV narc, it all makes sense and most of my guilt has died. I don’t know if I’ll ever get rid of all of it, to be honest, but I am fighting it. The inner battle, so to speak. Xx
With my brother, most of the trauma came from my trust being broken from him and what he did. Our relationship was never the same after that incident. We had a strained relationship, much like the one with my mother. I was wary around them both because they broken my trust with them and once broken, it doesn’t fully heal. I wait for the next shoe to drop, the next time I get payback for talking back, or not moving fast enough…you know how it is….walking on eggshells. Xx
Rebecca, I am not surprised to read about your emotions (love & a bit of resentment) for her. As for me, I was less ‘love’ for my matrinarc and more resentment on the last day I saw her – maybe it was more like a protecting myself from her (or, protecting the repressed hurt) and the “love” did come to the fore, but, not for long.
Of course, your relationship was not the same after the incident. Yes, I can understand the wariness / walking on eggshells. Sigh. I’m glad you are here to talk through it xx
Hi Asp,
Thank you, I’m glad you’re here too, to talk with us about your experiences with the narcs in your life. Xx
Oh my God, ya’ll. I was innocently taking in a TOW video and I heard HG rap a line from “Pump Up the Jam.” Did that just happen? I think I’m dying.
Allison,
Those TOW videos get me laughing sometimes, especially the Sugars ones! Xx
Rebecca,
Just took in the fantastic video on the skeletons in TOW’s past. It was very instructive to be reminded that, owing to her narcissism, she will always be vulnerable to exposure for her rancid behaviors. It’s very interesting how Piers Morgan collides with her.
And, HG, please allow me to commend the outstanding reporting of Mary Juana. She is a fine investigative journalist. Of particular note to me was her ability to coax Miss Clee Torres out of the cupboard. I’ve known Miss Torres for many, many years. Many years. It’s always a pleasure to interact with her, unlike TOW. She is a sweet, refined, precious pearl and she can be very shy and reserved. I found Miss Juana’s skillful probing which caused Miss Torres to emerge and make her point to be highly stimulating. Once again, you’ve provided excellence in this reporting. Do encourage Miss Juana to keep up the good work. And let her know I’ll be in Provincetown next summer.
End me now. That ARO The Buyers Speak video. You know, sometimes there’s a man…sometimes there’s a man…
I’m in the thick of the semester now, my mind is working overtime. I’m waiting for my divorce to be finalized, getting used to living on my own again, and taking a bastard of a statistics course. And I’m in the process of really trying to understand myself and how I can live a fulfilling life. I’ve been delving into some heavy material to help me out and guide me, not least of which has been HG’s fantastic teaching, especially on the new channel as that’s made it so much easier for me to access correct information. As I’m sure you’ve experienced, the topics of narcissism and psychopathy can take you into very dark depths, and sometimes HG’s material brings up uncomfortable and painful memories for me–necessary, but still very hard to process.
It’s raining like hell outside, and it’s cold and dark. I just got home from taking a two hour stat exam, and I was hungry, thirsty, and exhausted. My point is that it’s a dreary Sunday evening. It’s the type of night that always makes me feel a bit lonely, and all I wanted to do was climb under a blanker and try to hide from tomorrow morning.
Just one video, I thought. Turned out it was an important report from the Tudor News Channel.
(Tudor News: We Go Balls Deep.)
I can’t express how much it lifted my mood. At the start of HG’s ‘Bama accent I had to pause. Wait a minute, just hold on a second I thought. He’s really not going to, is he? But, he did it. Boy. Left me on the floor. Then his Texan character nearly gave me a nosebleed I was laughing so hard. All the other “interviews” were just as hilarious, but what was truly killing me was imagining my hero–my terrifying, dynamic, thrusting, badass MF of a narcissistic psychopath–enacting these wild voices and monologues, all sharp white teeth, cold eyes, and elegance. It was like those times when I would laugh so hard as a kid that I thought I’d never be able to stop, and I’d get a little bit scared because what if it went on forever?
There’s nothing like a Tudor Takedown. And along with the boisterous humor I enjoyed how he pointed out the long list of offerings TOW claimed ARO would have in her official application. That was some government level future-faking. I kept wondering, “How in the hell did she have the ability to claim that she could do all that with a straight face *rictus grin*?” She made out like she was Amazon. It’s not like she could ever distribute, develop, manage logistics, or market anything beyond her overworked beaver. Each and every promised product on that list requires skill, perseverance, diligence and, overall, actual work to produce–and extensive supply chain relationships she’d manage to blow up! So, not only was the TNC journalism side splitting but it had a real point in highlighting the sad, sad stories of how the customers were Markled. A welcome way to look at the damage the narcissist does, and TOW’s dusty delusions.
His humor was like great music, or an excellent painting, or some amazing suspension bridge–so well constructed and everything in place. And like a bridge it was a span over some choppy waters for me tonight.
Hi Allison,
I feel for you, exams are not fun and the stress of classes, I remember all too well. Xx
It’s nice to get your mind off your worries with a good, hilarious video of HG’s Sugars or the funny ones of TOW…on hard days, they are a nice break. Xx
I hope you’re doing well with exams and taking the breaks you need to take care of yourself. Xx
Mr. Tudor–
You’ve stated repeatedly that wealth is not a primary driver for you. You appreciate what money can do, but you’re not consumed by the accumulation of wealth.
1. What variation exists amongst psychopaths and their selection of what to accumulate?
2. What are common things (outside money) that a psychopath want to accumulate?
3. Do psychopaths accumulate items that are innocuous to all but them? e.g. a trophy from a victim (a lucky/favorite “X”)
4. Do psychopaths also have a preference for empaths as victims?
5. How do psychopaths view betrayal by their victims? What is the mental/emotional response upon realization? An exploration of famous psychopaths/narcissistic psychopaths who have faced this would be interesting…
6. Do self aware psychopaths have a general shared response to poor depictions of those of their type in media? I’ve seen a lot of reaction videos from people with diagnoses to media depictions of those with their disability/diagnosis. I also see people react to tiktokers who are faking disabilities. The autism ones get to me…because the individuals claiming the diagnosis don’t understand the reason for the behavior…they think autistic people are behaving that way for fun. I appreciate the way that you highlighted the fake sociopath recently.
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
1. There are extensive variations.
2. Answered in the video about The Necessary Triad.
3. Yes.
4. Not in the way that a narcissist does.
5. This will be addressed in a forthcoming video.
6. Yes, they will have a response to it, whether they show it is another matter.
Thank you so much for answering, sir. Much appreciation.
Narcissists leave their possessions at a former partner’s place for a number of reasons.
1. Are psychopaths less likely to do this owing to the need to accumulate?
2. How would a psychopath respond to a former partner getting rid of their things?
3. Do psychopaths want to create everpresence like narcissists?
Regarding trophies:
4. What factors influence the item that will be taken as a trophy?
Example: A psychopath steals a necklace (family heirloom) from a partner upon breaking up.
5. Would a psychopath want the new partner to wear it?
Regarding gift giving: You covered the gift giving process with a former girlfriend in part of “The Crying Game” series.
6. Will you cover gift giving as it pertains to psychopaths or is it largely the same as the narcissist? A benign assertion of control (assuming a thoughtful gift is provided). Though you do have tales where you’ve demonstrated that a gift can be a malign manipulation.
Regarding psychopaths preferring empaths, but not in the same way as the narcissist.
7. Will you make a video about that, please?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated!
1. Yes.
2. It would be a threat to control which would necessitate an appropriate application of retribution.
3. Psychopaths can have that effect but it is not intentional.
4. This will be addressed in a future video.
5. Possibly.
6. It is a form of manipulation.
7. At some point.
Dear HG and Dani,
Dani, thanks for your questions! The answers interest me too! Xx
HG, I look forward to the answers you provide on psychopathy! I had questions regarding gifts and the psychopath.
When my psychopath brother gave me a teddy bear, after I got robbed at the bank I worked at and I stayed with him and his wife, because my husband worked nights at the time and I was afraid to be alone after the robbery…Did he give me the teddy bear as a form of everpresense, manipulation or was he seeking the reaction from me? GIving me a gift and then telling me, “When you get scared during the night, you can hug the teddy bear and it’ll make you feel better.” Why do that? Xx Thanks for your time and answers, HG xx
Thank you so much for answering. Looking forward to what is next for the “Narcissism and Psychopathy with HG Tudor.”
1. Is a self-aware psychopath more easily able to attain revenge than a greater narcissist? They have the hyper focus and don’t need fuel to sustain their retribution. But they also get bored.
2. What can a victim do when in a Self-aware psychopath wants retribution for a perceived wrong?
3. Are psychopaths more easily appeased than narcissists?
Regarding the stolen necklace scenario and they want the new partner wearing it:
4. What does the psychopath get out of seeing a new partner wear something precious to a former partner?
5. Would a psychopath want a gift such as a trophy from a previous intimate partner returned at the end of a relationship with that partner’s successor/any successor?
6. Does the “value” of that item increase with each partner who treasures it?
7. Would the psychopath be interested in the former partner seeing the new partner wearing the stolen object? If yes, why?
8. What influences a self-aware psychopath to manipulate their partner with the stolen possessions of former partners?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
Good evening HG:
Will you be covering
1. Ted Bundy
2. Ramirez
3. Jeffrey Dahlmer
4. Gacy
It is my understanding they were all diagnosed psychopaths and all had a compulsion for sexual violence.
5. Why the compulsion for violent acts of sex for some in your analysis of psychopaths needing control, stimulation and accumulation.
7. Is it control? Something else?
I am highly enjoying your new channel! A lot more on psychopathy. A topic that interests me as I married a pure psychopath or ASPD.
Follow up to #5. Looking forward to the videos. Wondering how psychopaths define betrayal as well as react. Really appreciated the two videos detailing manipulation from a narcissistic and psychopathic perspective independently.
A few other related base line questions I’m wondering about when you get around to the videos.
Do psychopaths also view people as appliances or appendages? If narcissists are limited to negative emotions are psychopaths devoid of emotions or similarly limited? What have we neglected to ask?
Waiting patiently. Thanks HG.
Suggestion. A What is Psychopathy video to parallel your What is Narcissism video. Thanks again HG.
I agree, Nifty. That would be nice.
Hello HG, how do you feel about animals? Have you ever been emotionally attached to one? If so, what was that experience like for you? If your answer is no, do you think that any narcs are capable of forming an attachment to an animal? Thank you for your time and insight. Cheers, Anne
Hello Anne,
I have written about animals previously.
No, I am not emotionally attached to them. A narcissist does not become attached to an animal, but a narcissist may use a narcissist for the purpose of triangulation which may cause to the untrained eye the appearance of attachment.
Hello HG:
You have written about animals. Perhaps my middle lesser is an unusual narc…. but he is very devout in his interest in dogs. He cries over them, mourns their loss for months if not for life, devotes dozens of songs and poems to them and does paintings. He has a blog devoted to our deceased dog Betty Bowie. Ricky Gervais wrote on it. He walked a dog for a disabled woman for free for a year and when she blocked him ( no doubt for his behavior towards her), he lamented for months over it. He retaliated against her. He donated to dog charities and he has very very little money. My ex has few friends. My theory and he has said it is that he prefers dogs to humans. Could it be that some narcs actually get fuel from dogs? It would make sense as they give unconditional love, never criticize or disagree. Especially those like him with low fuel sources. By the way, he doesn’t care for any full time, not even ours. He would pitch in and let everyone know how what he did but it was the same if he took out the trash once.
Dear Mr Tudor,
They treat their children the same way haha
My mother (with dementia) still laughs in the most inappropriate and shadenfreude way! She knows !
Hi, Anne–
I’ve had narcs use pets on me before as a means of hoovering and also triangulation. I was always surprised by their sudden apparent deep concern for the animal. I also had a very troublesome neighbor I suspect of being a narcissist who, whenever we both found ourselves outside, would talk about me to her dog, loudly, denigrating me. I mean, she’d cuss me out up and down to him, and talk about what he should do to me (he was a huge Pit Bull). It was a weird scene.
My ex disliked my Myrtle. When he’d fall asleep on the couch and his snores reached the requisite decibels she’d run over barking incessantly, startling him awake. Nice little piece of justice.
Happy Halloween!
HG,
in your adventure in the woods with Clare and David, when Clare asked you if you had heard about Armley, one (subconscious) purpose of it was not just testing your knowledge, but also to ascertain whether you belonged to her tribe, so to speak. Once she found you had common points of reference, she knew you were a member of her wider tribe and culture and could be trusted to a larger extent than if you had been a stranger who had no knowledge of it all.
And I believe asking you was also a way of caring, to make sure that you had what you needed to participate in the conversation on an equal footing.
Mr. Tudor–
Can you please name one midrange narcissist who’s charismatic or even just a little bit likeable? Is it the midrange curse to be what they are, unburdened by what they never could be?
The ones I know because you’ve mentioned them…They’re the opposite of engaging. They’re disengaging…they all seem to have varying degrees of little toddler tantrums…This One’s Wife is the greatest offender with the most number of people speaking about them…hell, she pays people to write about them in glossy rags…so is Ben Affleck. These two are especially toddler like…then there was Hilary Clinton…who comes off as an angry teenager…another midranger who’s currently prominent keeps acting like a mean, but high as a kite, teenager who thinks they’re humorous…
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
See the various products in the Knowledge Vault re narcissists.
Thank you, sir.
Dear HG and blog commenters,
Has anyone see the movie, TRAP yet? It just came out on Friday and I saw it this weekend. It’s on max and it’s a movie about a psychopath, played by Josh Hartnett. I tell you, it’s worth watching! Please HG, I would love for you to analyze this character…?? I think Josh did a great job on the character and it seemed pretty accurate…my opinion, I could be wrong, HG? I would really love to know your opinion and thoughts? HG? Everyone? Xx
Hi Dani,
I had three mid rangers in my life, down to one now. All of them had the ability to charm, one was actually charismatic much of the time. They are very hard to detect a a result. Two of mine had/have tantrums, one resulted in cold fury, the other in heated. The one who was charismatic much of the time did not have tantrums, he was successful enough with his charm that he didn’t need to. I saw him once confront a person who owed him money, the person gave him the money. He didn’t know that I could see him when it happened, it was quite terrifying. But it was never used on anyone else that I’m aware of. I know these are not public narcissists, I’m only telling you to confirm that they can be charismatic.
I have pretty much all, probably all, the lists also, there are some in there that I would say are charismatic, at least when they want to be.
Thank you, AV. The ones I suspect I have dealt with are more the crybaby type (victim cadre?), overwhelming angel, and one who bullied most employees in her office but maintained a morning routine of super creepy obsessive, yet fake, positivity. Often bragged about not being afraid to go get her words in or about her bullying (though it would be phrased differently by her). The last of the three was fired and known throughout the building as “the mean lady.” Worked there less than two years, part of it lockdown. She had a real talent…for being loathed. (She set me off Day 1.) I can’t say that any have been charismatic with a crowd or charming for long personally.
Hi Dani, the one I still have in my life is a victim cadre, a pouter at times but not a cry baby. My first ex may be one of those, I’ve not had him analyzed. Victims are the worst, in a way, very needy. But the worst was my 2nd ex, charming to all, the best manipulator of all, and very sneaky about it. I did not expect him to be a narc, though when his analysis came back, oh boy was he. I had not realized you were looking for those who could enthrall a crowd, that may have been beyond any of their abilities.
Indeed…AV…and somehow those victim narcs still find a way to lash out at people with some weird as he’ll devaluation about how great their pain is. How no one understands. How they do need to take a year off from…continuing their life…to sponge off others and ensure that everyone knows it’s so much worse for them, this terrible loss. Don’t take attention away from their pain. Just cluck and tut and serve them like they’re a prince/princess. This is their gift to you. You’re a servant. Start acting like one.
Dani, did you discover HG’s work on narcissism after viewing his videos about Meghan Markle? Or did his work on narcissism lead you to his MM videos?
Hi, annaamel–
If I may jump in (I like the question), I saw the narcissism ones first. I was searching specifically for information about that and I didn’t know about the TOW ones. I was hooked long before being introduced to such fare as The Chickens of Authenticity, but of course once I found those they were great. Then I got into the Spare analysis and the Treasure Trove.
There’s something about the TOW intros that still grabs me, and as I heal I notice different things. For example, now I’m kind of fixated on that moment where TOW is sitting in an audience with Pink Pancakes, and she gives him the Grip of Doom. He clearly looks put out, but there are several of these quick little stares she gives him, like she’s assessing him to see if he’s under control. That’s how I see it now. Blink and you’ll miss them, but from what I’m learning from HG that moment is really standing out for me. It’s fascinating now to think that she didn’t realize what she was doing, and she probably flattered herself as being a concerned partner or something.
I still like mixing it up, and the new channel is very nourishing and in my regular rotation. It’s been a great adventure.
Hi Allison. Of course you may.
I am assuming that your answer isn’t to me specifically, but is more you feeling moved by the topic of my question.
Hi, annaamel–
Thank you. Yes, I was moved by the topic. I enjoy learning everyone’s various paths to and through HG’s work.
Hi annaamel,
I found HG’s work after seeing the image of a Royal looking almost zombie like at the Superbowl. I saw that picture, and I had to know what brought on that emotion. It was a unique and recognizable state. I had been there many times and some people were repeatedly taking me there…No one matched HG for clarity in communication or accuracy, and I needed more, much more. And it was all right there waiting on his channel.
Thanks Dani.
I see both you and Allison as devoted followers of HG but also as particularly engaged with the MM content, often having references to the videos on the Sussexes or Harry and Megan in your posts.
Your comment above about TOW being ‘the greatest offender’ made me curious about your pathway.
I think I understand how it worked for you.
Hi Annaamel
There is information in some TOW videos that is not really covered as thoroughly elsewhere. It’s when Mr. Tudor talks about the general dynamic as background before delving into her foolishness. For me…those little background bits, often only contained in videos about “she of the beige and boring,” … It’s like Mr. Tudor just randomly drops a perfectly cut padparadscha (pink-orange sapphire–my favorite) into my hand, saying…”this is yours now.”
Brand Sussex is sus.
Oh, and Fulvia for the list.
Dani, for instance “The Weighty Eighty” contains what you’re looking for. 50 famous narcissists with school and cadre and 30 famous people who are not narcissists.
Some very unexpected chaps in those groups!
hi Jordy,
I will keep it in mind. I’m currently trying to narrow down a list of people involved most in the fall of the Roman Republic. I want to give a tiny list to HG. I want evaluations of some he likely hasn’t done.
Is it more historical people if merit…or Hollywood people? I don’t really have much interest in living famous people and their brand of disgusting… I hope every last creep goes down with the Diddler. The Abercrombie guy is just as despicable. I feel like the list of those who exploit others sexually, monetarily, etc is only going to get longer.
Dear Dani–
“I’m currently trying to narrow down a list of people involved most in the fall of the Roman Republic.”
Pledging my love in 3…2…
Allison,
Thank you. Do you have a favorite figure of that time period? I’m trying to make sure there’s enough info…and there is one woman I really want to know about…but so much about her is a little mysterious…
Dani, I hope that too!! I’m fighting to keep my marbles together when listening to those analyses…
The weighty 80 — there are all kinds of people in it, temporary and also some historic (19th-21st century).
Your project sounds fantastic, Dani! So curious!!! Chiming in with Allison’s love pledge!
Jordy, how long are the analyses? I’m trying to pick a narc or two…and I would love to know about any empath who prominent in the world of Ancient Rome…So I am hoping to find one…and I might know one. But super not sure.
Oops, Dani, I meant the Diddler and other analyses I’m having a hard time digesting, not The Weighty 80 list (there are no Ancient Rome figures in it, no).
Jordy…
I would be completely enraptured to learn about C. IULIUS CAESAR. Yes, I spelled it the proper Latin way. No lowercase. No J. For HG to go on to the fullness of my interest…about a self-aware narcissistic psychopath. There are so many interesting moments that HG could lend great understanding to. *holds up Tudor Scope sign*
Hi, Dani–
“Do you have a favorite figure of that time period?” I’m thinking between 133 BC to around 27 BC? I have trouble exactly pinpointing the actual fall of the republic because there seem to have been so many crises. But, I’m really interested in Sulla. And I’m curious about Tertulla, the wife of Crassus (the Triumvirate one). She seemed to have been quite a social climber.
133 BC to 27 BC sounds right to me. Crassus is quite an interesting third to the first triumvirate. I do not know much about Tertulla (wife of M.L. Crassus). Marcus Antonius’s wife, Fulvia, is an interesting woman as well…if the words of Dio are accurate about the joy she took in her revenge on Cicero…
Hi, Dani–
“Fulvia, is an interesting woman as well…if the words of Dio are accurate about the joy she took in her revenge on Cicero…”
Damn, Dani. I wish you shopped my goods.
Hello HG:
1. Can an empath be a fantasist?
2. If so how different than a narc or psychopath?
1. Yes
2. A particular mental disorder that causes delusion.
“I would love to know about any empath who prominent in the world of Ancient Rome”
Maybe Pliny the Elder? I wonder if he was an empath or a normal owing to the circumstances of his death.
Hi Allison!
I don’t know about Pliny the Elder in terms of personality. I will need to look into him.
I wonder about Hortensia. She was quite a lady…chosen to address the second triumvirate on behalf on their idea to…tax 1400 wealthy Roman women to pay for the Civil War between Brutus, Cassius, et al. and the Second Triumvirate…I don’t think much is known about her outside that speech…but it pleases me to think of her as being a super empath…standing up for all those other women…she was chosen as their representative. Her father was a renowned orator and rival to Cicero. I also have questions about the Gracchi (and I think that their deaths really began the transition of Republic to Empire).
She really steamed those men up with her speech…shaming them…rightfully so. Shaming, but honest. How dare this female stand up to them!
I would guess at least 2 out of 3 of the Second Triumvirate to be narcissists:
1. Augustus/Octavian (<– my guess: Greater, but not a psychopath. Cold and calculating, but far from fearless…his tumtum hurt when there were battles. Besides…Agrippa enjoyed it and was excellent…it's just being a good friend to allow him to do so.)
2. Antony (<–UL-B would be my guess; my goodness…he was quite a blunt man with very little finesse, but some ability in military matters…he bought soldiers in because plebians weren't appreciating his rulership style and had the nerve to challenge his supremacy. Made ?fifth? cousin Caius very unhappy with him after his cousin returned from a Nile Cruise).
3. Lepidus doesn't get the coverage the other two get…and I don't think I know his personality well enough to guess about his HG classification.
Seneca the younger and yes Pliny! I don’t think we will find much on the women…
Contagious,
Livia Drusilla might have enough. But I doubt she’s an empath.
Agrippina the Younger might too…Nero’s mother. Not an empath.
The trouble with the ladies is that some of it is guess work from what little is known. Especially the woman I am most curious about… I have been super curious about her for a long time, this lady…I would guess her as a greater…if she’s a narc. And she’s got the genetics and the environment…
HG, what search terms should I use for vids on people who have channels criticizing TOW and their various motives? I listened to one discussion with a woman whose son was ensnared by a narc, but I don’t know how to find the rest of the series.
Why Do People Comment on Her?
There are four – The Empath, The Normal, The Narcissists and Narcissistic People.
Thank you!
Off to seek enlightenment.
Viol,
I think you mean The Ultra in Conversation series. It has its own playlist on the Ultra Channel. That series focusses mostly on the various TOW commenters.
Thank you
HG,
I recently read The Wasp Factory. Each chapter was a fresh assault. But I enjoyed it and I agree, it’s an excellent book.
Pleased you enjoyed it.
If a question isn’t published, does that mean it’s a bad question?
See the rules re moderation
Point 16?
Oops, 13. Inattentive reader. Sorry.
Hi Josephina,
Mr. Tudor sometimes holds questions and then answers a bunch at once. He may be holding your question to answer at a later time.
Hello everyone,
I would like to share something I have realised lately which might be of some help to others.
I haven’t posted here lately. Or not much at all, probably for at least a year and a half (I found narcsite in February 2020).
My daughter’s father died a year and a half ago. We’d been separated for over ten years. He refused to speak to me for years until he hoovered me just before I found narcsite. He was one of the first I got a narc detector on. I tried to keep away from him but health issues on his part which put his life at risk meant that I did not stick to a strict no-contact.
In a nutshell, he stopped talking to me again at the end of 2021 because he wanted us to resume our relationship – and he wanted to come back to live with me – and I said no. Had I not found narcsite in the meantime, I would have gone back to him.
He died alone, in early 2023.
After I had left him, I remember telling a close friend that the years I had spent with him had been some of the darkest in my life.
Despite all of this, I was in a state of utter shock for 8 months after his death, and I thought I was gradually doing better since January this year. Yet about less than a month ago, the sorrow came back in full force, no longer tinged with the initial feeling of guilt just after his death (guilt of not having gone back to him…), but a deep sadness at the thought of the suffering he went through in his life, because that is a fact. He probably let himself die. He probably drank himself to death, as he had said he wanted to, four years ago.
The realisation I wanted to share is the following: someone asked me this week what *benefit* I would lose if I stopped being so sad when I think of him; I realised it would mean losing for good my relationship with him because sadness and sorrow were the dominant feelings I had (after the first year with him). It sounded scary. And mad.
I had stayed because I was so sure that what I didn’t know had been the ‘golden bronze’ period would return. It never did.
Now, I suppose you could say it is emotional thinking, but I sense there is something else too and I can’t pinpoint what it is. Not masochism, I don’t think.
However, just someone suggesting there could be a *benefit* for me to *lose* if I stopped feeling sad for good, sort of snapped me out of it.
Just a thought, then: sometimes we can hold our suffering dear, while claiming we want out of it. That was a good call on the part of that person.
Thank you for sharing, Isabelle. It’s a very thought provoking post.
Hi Isabelle,
I’m so sorry to hear that your daughter’s father’s death has impacted you in this way. I’m sorry you’re feeling guilty about it. It’s ok that you said no when he wanted you back in his life. He just would’ve manipulated you again.
I’m sorry that you’re suffering from this. Could you have also been blaming yourself for his suffering so you thought you deserved to suffer as well?
I’m glad to hear you’re finding a way to let go. I hope you find relief and peace.
Leigh, you are right here, the feeling of guilt made me think I deserved to suffer, as if that would achieve anything.
Thank you Leigh for your good wishes, what you wrote was lovely. Please don’t feel sorry for me, when I manage to speak about something publicly like here, it is usually a sign that things are looking up!
I hope life is treating you well, Leigh 🙂
Hi Isabelle,
Just so you know, I think you’re an incredibly strong woman. I didn’t mean to imply that I feel sorry for you. I apologize for that. I just meant that I was sorry you had to go through it in the first place.
I’m glad things are looking up for you! 😀
Leigh, no need to apologise at all ! I wasn’t offended in the slightest. No problem at all ! 🙂
Hey HG. By any chance, have you examined Gerard Pique? He was unfaithful and cheated on Shakira.
I have not done so.
I got hoovered last Friday by the guy I dated at university. I haven’t spoken to or been in contact with him since leaving uni.
My parents received a letter from him stating that he had contacted my university as he “thought about me often and wanted to see what I ended up doing since uni.” He then told them that the uni had informed him that I had died, several years ago. This upset him and he wanted to find out what happened but he understood if it was too difficult for them to talk about.
My mum contacted the uni, they can’t give that information out due to data protection, so he clearly lied to get a response from them. He isn’t and never has been on my Facebook. I’ve never been on any uni reunion apps. There is nothing to connect my name to his anywhere electronically, so not a scammer.
My parents moved house 18 yrs ago so he couldn’t know their current address. He referred to me by the name he always called me. I recognised his signature so it is definitely him. Looks like he went to a fair amount of trouble to locate them given our old house was sold twice since we moved! He would only have my maiden name and my parents old address to go on. That’s decent effort for a narc I reckon, especially after well over 20 yrs no contact. Goes to show, there is always the risk of a hoover.
How has he done it though?
Hello TS!
A hoover from the Uni guy after 20 years, and he went to great lengths to find you… Did he know your parents’ first names? He might have found their address on the Internet somewhere. Or he has a job in which he is able to look up people’s address after their names, anywhere in the country, and he couldn’t locate you if you no longer go by your maiden name. This is intriguing. Do you know for sure that he is a narc? I am asking because in my early 40s (which seems to be his age), I got in touch again with a friend I’d lost sight of, after maybe 15 years. We met up and kept in touch from a distance (living in a different country). He might be going through a form of mid-life crisis and looking back before he moves forward. That’s if he’s not a narc: he may genuinely want to hear from you. I tend to think that those meet-ups years later don’t amount to much, but who knows.
What do you think? Do you have more news??
Xx
(I am taking this opportunity to say hi here – I couldn’t on DC for technical reasons which I need to look into.)
Hi Isabelle,
Its always nice to see your name pop up! I hope you’re well. I see great minds think alike. I had thought the same thing. Maybe he looked them up on the internet.
Hi TS,
Maybe he did it the old fashioned way and looked your parents up in the phone book. Are your parents’ phone number and address listed? I remember as a kid, we had to request the phone number and address not be listed in our phone book. Is it similar in the UK? Even if the phone books aren’t published anymore, there may be a way to find the white pages online still.
I’m sorry to hear that you can now add him to your list of narc partners. I would tend to agree that he’s a narc because of how he lied to your parents. That lie was unnecessary. I think he probably got some thought fuel envisioning their reaction.
Hello Leigh! Thanks for your kind message. Will post in a separate message why I’ve been away so long, it might be of some help to others.
Hope you are well too!
Hi Isabelle,
That must mean you’ve been dealing with a narcissist. I hope everything’s ok.
Leigh,
I 100% agree with you. Narcs say things to us for the reactions they get from us, they get fuel that way.
Psychopaths say and do things to see what happens, how we react because to them, it’s an experiment….”Lets see what happens when I do this, or say that? Ok, what about this?….interesting….and this?…” My brother was like that with me. He was a psychopath, he wasn’t violent or homicidal and he wasn’t highly intelligent. He liked to do electrical and mechanical things apart and then put them back together. Sometimes he would combined electrical equipment and make a new stero system that worked better than before, so he wasn’t without his gifts. He was an electronic wiz, but he had poor social skills. He acted weird sometimes, not quite normal. Thanks to HG’s NDC, I understand why his behaviors confused me at times. He was like a round peg trying to fit a square hole, and I noticed it when he would stick out. Xx
Hello Isabelle! I missed you!
I don’t know if he remembered their first names or not. I can tell you I have no clue what his parent’s names are but for all I know he was clearing out his attic and found something with my old home address on. Probably in the same box as the voodoo doll he will have made of me when I shipped out, or the little shrine maybe haha!
I never thought of him as a narc until now. The truth is I didn’t really think of him at all. The lying about contacting the uni and them telling him I was dead is a fairly strong indicator though. If he is, he’s Somatic not Elite and he’ll be Midrange. He was clingy. Wanted to tag along when I was out with the girls, would be there waiting for me when I got home that type of thing. He hoovered a few times after we split up but then I left, got a job, was travelling and that was that. Lots of change, lots of things to distract me which might have offset the addiction. I had no problem with Best Sex Ever Guy either though and he was Somatic. I seem to do ok with that cadre, it’s the Elites that do me in.
All quiet thus far. My mum has been given strict instructions not to respond so we’ll see how well she manages to follow those directions. Quite funny though, she’s kept the letter, I didn’t ask for it once I’d seen it, she put it in the kitchen drawer.
I tried searching my parents from their old address nothing comes up on the search, he could be law enforcement though I doubt it. Electoral register might have been a good starting point. Beggars belief that he would bother. You’re right though, maybe he just got divorced and then had a prompt of some kind that caused the hoover. What it does show though is that they really can come back and it’s really nothing to do with us at all, it’s what’s happening in their fuel matrix, it’s if they get a prompt to hoover. There was a time with other narcs and pre knowledge when I would have interpreted the hoover as them missing me, regretting things. This proves otherwise so hopefully it will help someone somewhere on the blog to let go of that idea and move forward.
I agree, looking back tends not to work. We are so different to how we were then. Time and life experiences change us all I think.
It’s really lovely to hear from you Isabelle, we’ll have to have a catch up soon. Xx
TS,
Thanks for your lovely message!
Ah yes, Elite narcs… The bookshop narc was one (the narc fiasco that led me here). They drive you mad. I guess you could say, with the words of addiction, that they are like pure stuff, the kind that will get you hooked because it’s so good until you realise it is so atrociously bad for you.
As for the Uni guy, the fact that he definitely lied when he said he’d phoned the University and they’d said you had died… That is a bad sign indeed. It sounds so outlandish. From what you describe from when he was with you, he sounds very insecure and emotionally codependent. Like needing a mommy. And he doesn’t seem to have become more mature if he still needs to come out with such lies today. You are right not to get in touch with him, of course.
Yes, I will make sure we can catch up!
Xx
Isabelle,
“Like needing a mommy.” Hahaha! I sure can pull ‘em!
I remember bookshop narc, yes, horribly addictive. If I Ruled My World I’d take a leaf out of Leila’s book but ban the Elites. Yes, thinking about it, that should just about do it!
Glad you are feeling better and that your friend hit on something you feel formed part of the core issue. Not far off 2025. Can we have this one as our rock star year do you think?
We live in ….HOPE!!
Xx
Ah yes, I’ll go for the rock star year!
It was actually a professional who asked me that unexpected question. I’ll keep it in mind for other areas of my life too, or other stumbling blocks. Oh but there’ll be no more of them now, will there!
Xx
Hi, Truthseeker–
“He then told them that the uni had informed him that I had died, several years ago.”
That seems like a lie from him. I doubt he even contacted the university at all and they certainly wouldn’t tell him you’d died even if you had. All you really know is that’s what he told your parents. I’d just figure out how to plug the hole and not get too amazed by how he did it. Wondering too much about how he did will only get you into trouble.
Hi Allison,
Yes the uni thing was a lie, I know because my mum phoned them haha! Mum is a narc so this threatens her control. All good fun.
For me, I just can’t understand how he found them. That’s bugging me, you’re right though, I don’t need to know, I just need to ignore it.
Hi Leigh,
My parents don’t really bother with the internet much, they don’t purchase off the internet or anything like that. I googled their names and old address, nothing comes up for them in terms of a new address. Nothing comes up for me either. Might be different over here with data protection, not sure.
Xx
Hi TS,
I’m sorry you’re going through that. The best thing is to not respond and leave him in the red, so to speak. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I’m fine with it, just more curious than anything else! Thank you for your concern though, I appreciate it. 😊
Xx
That’s interesting about your mother, and the threat to her control. When narcs collide!
It really is quite funny to watch Allison. She’s itching to respond to him and fire him off.
She called the uni and then the post office as there was no post mark on the letter.
My dad commented that I looked well for a dead person, that set her off as well, so when he hugged me goodbye he followed up with “Stay away from the light.” Haha!
Mama bear is not happy at all.
Xx
Hi TS,
I can understand your curiousity about how he managed to find info on you, it’s natural for us to want to know these things. Remember what HG said, curiousity is what gets you roped back in and thinking of the narcissist. Xx
I understand what you’re going through, my ex husband hoovered me back in 2021, on facebook and under a different name. We divorced back in 2000, back in college. I blocked his new account and didn’t reply to him. He admitted who he was , in the message. He said, he was contacting me because he found out my brother died and wanted to give me condolences.
No one speaks to him, from my family and they only way he found out about my brother dying, would have been from him searching for info online about him.
My brother’s death was an excuse to contact me. My brother died in 2013, so it wasn’t new news….He was fishing for a reason to talk to me, and like you, I ignored his attempt to reach me. I understand completely what you’re going through, just ignore him and don’t worry how he reached you. Block him from as much as you can. Xx
These narcs are like cockroaches! You think you get rid of them but they’re always lurking in the walls!
Hi Rebecca,
Oh that’s particularly twisted. To capitalise on the loss of a sibling as part of a hoover is the lowest of the low and demonstrates exactly what he is. They dress it up in such a convincing way as well, that makes it even worse. It would be plausible, for someone with emotional empathy, they understand that well enough.
That must have been tough for you Rebecca. I’m very glad you did the right thing. You saw it for what it was blocked and ignored.
My Truthseeker is a nightmare! But you are exactly right. Irrelevant how he did it. The response remains the same.
Leigh is right, they are like cockroaches. Could you pass me that little flamethrower you have please? Only small but effective!
Xx
Leigh,
When I lived in Charleston, they called cockroaches Palmetto bugs. Sounds nicer but they are still the same vile little critters!
Hi TS,
Yeah, it was pretty underhanded to use my brother’s death to reach out to me, after he had been dead for a while too….My exhusband is an UPPER LESSER ELITE TYPE B Narcissist, I did the NDC on him. I was surprised he didn’t come up with a sadistic streak, or psychopath because he admitted to killing his parents’ dog, when he was a teenager, told me himself. I don’t know why, except to get a reaction from me? Is my guess.
Flame thrower for the cockroaches! 😄😄 Yes, you may borrow it! Xx I also have a pink, glittery mace you can borrow! 😄😄 I even showed it to HG once….all that pretty glitter and pink, and haven’t used it yet! 🤨🤫🤪😆 xx
They tell us these things for shock value. They get fuel from the shocked look on our face. They really are such slime balls!
Hi TS,
I completely understand about high truthseeker trait, mine is very high and I find myself digging for truths about stuff I need not worry about….I catch myself and ask myself, do you REALLY need to know? Sometimes, I’m like, YEAHHHHH, and keep digging. 😄xx
Hi Rebecca,
That’s interesting about your ex telling you about killing the dog. I think so, the narcissist would tell you because he wants to see your shocked / disgusted / upset reaction. The psychopath has no need to tell you. He killed the dog, he knows he killed it, he knows why he killed it, telling you has no obvious benefit to the psychopath. Unless of course you were talking about getting a dog and he didn’t want one! Then there would be a benefit to telling you as the objective would be to prevent you getting a dog. Enough to drive you completely insane! You were lucky to get out of that relationship when you did.
I thought you might have a little flame thrower. It’s the nice ones who have the best kit haha! I can only imagine HG’s reaction to your pink glittery mace! Haha!
Hi Leigh,
Putting this reply on the same comment as I lose one comment each time I post back to back on the same thread.
They’re huge those bugs. We had wood floors and when one would get in I swear I could hear it’s filthy cockroachy feet clicking on the floor! Fast little critters, I was always the one who had to catch it too!
I have friends in Tennessee. I struggled in Charleston. We were just outside the city on the Isle of Palms. I loved the area, beautiful but I was struggling during the time I was there. It was an area where friendships were very network based. Based on your job not on you as a person. It drained me down to nothing. I can’t deal with that, so I largely withdrew from people. The friends I did make have since moved to Boise and then to Miami, another close friend died too young of cancer three years after I left. So there’s no one there now that I would say I knew well. In terms of hurricanes it is a bad spot. One came through when we were there, there was a lot of flooding but limited wind damage. It was a factor that prompted us to move. In terms of a place to visit though, Charleston is beautiful. I’d like to go back one day, just to see it all again.
Yes, that’s why I posted about the hoover really. I would never have believed I would be hoovered after all of that time. It doesn’t bother me fortunately, I’m just curious as to how he went about it. I think the only narc that would rattle me is if Love of My Life Guy hoovered me. I’d be very curious to know how things turned out for him. I could make a very educated guess on that though!
Xx
You definitely can hear those nasty things in the walls and the floors. I lived in an apartment in the city when I was a kid. I remember being able to hear them. I was so afraid of them. Once we move to the suburbs, my father got rid of them. Thank goodness! They were gross!
I’m sorry to hear about your friend who passed away. Cancer is such an insidious disease.
I know the type of people you’re talking about. It’s similar where I live as well. My little town is ok but a lot of the surrounding areas are haughty. I agree. Is very draining. I avoid them like the plague.
Hi TS,
I just reread my comment to you and I realized I forgot to address your comment about being hoovered. Sometimes I’m a bit absentminded, lol.
Normally people don’t pop back up from my past. But workplace narc likes to rear his head every once in awhile. It’s been over since 2019. That’s why l find it nerve wracking.
I also have to deal with my mom. She’ll put me on the shelf for weeks at a time and then hoover me. Sometimes it irritates me. Then I remember that something reminded her of me and she needed to assert control. When I look at it that way, I’m no longer irritated or curious because I know its the narcissism.
Is Love of your Life Guy a narc?
Hi TS,
My ex is a narc, he definitely told me about killing his parents’ dog to upset me. HG’s NDC told me he was a narc and based on what I learned from HG, my ex told me to get a reaction out of me 100%.
My brother was the psyvhopath, again through HG’s NDC. My brother told me things to watch my face, see how I reacted and he did it for the power he felt from causing my reaction. It was stimulating to him. I was his stimuliant and freedom from boredom. I see that now. I understand why he did what he did. Makes sense to me, but the pyschopath does things to see your reaction, watch you react and they feel powerful for causing it. I learned that from HG’s videos on psychopaths. I’m interested in learning more, the more I know, the more I understand and the more answers I get. My truthseeker trait is strong and it’s hungry. Xx
I have to say, it was funny showing HG my pink glittery mace! 😄 He sounded amused and surprised and it delighted me, made me laugh and feel all warm in the chest because I felt happy and I found his reaction made me feel all fuzzy towards HG. I’m easily amused by simple things like that, by surprising HG in a fun way. I loved it! Xx
Leigh,
Yes, I am happy with all kinds of people from different places, different backgrounds but I can’t handle that networking mindset based on what you do or how much you earn. I just can’t and won’t play those games. I’d rather become a hermit than join in the fakery.
Talking about things in walls. Our neighbour forgot to have their termite guard done. They were doing the house up and it just lapsed. One night my neighbour was pulling the bedroom blinds down and one side of the blind came out of the wall. It made a hole and she put her finger against it. The wall was like cardboard, then, all of a sudden termites came pouring out of the wall and through the room like something out of the Amityville Horror! That freaked me out for weeks after, me staring at my walls, knocking on them, flesh crawling. Where there is heat there are critters. I do miss the smell of the heat though.
Termites produce a poison too. I learned that on House MD haha! I loved House. He was probably a narc.
Xx
OMG TS! I would die! LOL! I’m itchy all over now, lol!
You miss the smell of heat? Do you mean the smell of the warmer climate? I thought you meant actual heat for a minute. Its funny because my heat when on this morning and when it goes on, I can smell it.
I know people raved about House but I’ve never seen an episode. It was on when my kiddies were little so my tv watching was limited.
Hi Leigh,
Yes Love of My Life Guy was UMR Elite. I haven’t put him through the NDC, no point really, but he was pretty textbook that sub school and Cadre. I’m just curious to know how things turned out for him. Not curious enough to go trawling though!
Yes, I mean the smell of the hot climate. SC had a specific dry smell. Where I lived smelled of Magnolia, I miss that smell too. Artificial Magnolia doesn’t cut it.
My mum hoovers every few weeks if I don’t visit. By text, always asking about the kids. I don’t even think about it any more. I just go through the motions. I don’t like Christmas though, I don’t like her in my space for a full day, it tires me. Necessary evil if I want to spend Christmas with my dad though.
Xx
Hi Rebecca,
That’s cute about the sparkly mace, I can imagine you giddy at HG’s reaction. Me too, I’m loving the new channel with its new psychopathy content. I just let the videos play when I’m out walking at night. I’m learning a lot. I would expect that lots of things will click into place over the coming weeks and months as regards your brother. Hopefully it will allow you to finally lay the ghost.
Xx
Hi TS,
I agree, you don’t want to go poking around there. You don’t want to dredge up those old feelings, especially since he’s Love of Your Life Guy. I can’t lie though, I might be tempted to poke around a little bit. Sometimes my curiosity gets the best of me.
I love magnolia trees. They’re so beautiful! Fun fact too, Steel Magnolias is one of my favorite movies.
I agree. The holidays with a narcissist can be draining. I try to find the silver lining though. During the get togethers, I gravitate towards the people that I know are empaths or non narcissists.
TS,
I’ve seen those palmetto bugs. They’re on steroids compared to NY roaches, lol!
It blows my mind that you and Rebecca were both hoovered after 20 years. Its a bit nerve-wracking that we always have to have our guard up because the narc can come out of nowhere.
Do you keep in touch with anyone in Charleston? The south got hit with a bad hurricane. The damage was devastating. Charleston was one of the places hit.
Hi TS,
It’s funny that you walk at night, so do I! Not kidding, I prefer walking at night, it calms me more than the daytime. Xx
The concern that I have with my psychopath brother is that I worry sometime if he hurt a kid, like he hurt me, or not…that lays heavy on my mind, I worry my lack of reporting him to authorities may have given him freedom to hurt others. I’ve been told, by a close friend, if he had hurt a kid, I would have heard something by now. He died in 2013. I hope my friend is right and he didn’t hurt anyone else.
I hope to put down the hurt he caused me and the affect it’s had on my life. I carry it, it’s part of me and I don’t know who I’d be without it. It’s like being haunted, though I don’t focus on it. It’s just there, a reminder of what I lived through and that it didn’t kill me. I think others have been through worse and that motivates me to keep going forward. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Honestly, like with understanding narcissism, I truly believe that as your understanding about psychopathy grows you will set that burden down. When I think about all the stuff I carried around – guilt mostly about my cutting off emotionally from my mum – that has all been lifted since understanding more about why she is as she is and what motivates her behaviours. There’s no reason at all why it won’t work in the same way with your brother’s psychopathy.
Without the burden, you will be you, just as you are now, but without the ghost. What he did isn’t part of you, it was part of him.
HG’s new channel is fascinating for many of us, but it’s especially relevant to you. I have great faith that over time you’ll start to feel a lot lighter!
Xx
Hi Leigh,
I love that movie too. I never manage to get through it without bawling though and I don’t often cry at movies. I do that swallowing thing quite a lot though!
I know, I think sometimes the more you get over something the more likely you are to make the dumb move. I need to remind myself occasionally that I’m not immune, armoured up, but not immune.
We are a very small family so my mum is hard to avoid. However, my daughter is a great wingman. She doesn’t miss a trick as far as my mum is concerned. Her narcy traits are running the show at the moment too. It might turn out to be a lively Christmas at casa TS!
Xx
That’s perfect! Armored up but not immune! I like that. I’m gonna steal it!
Rebecca, maybe we all have our “haunted chambers” that may be part of us. It is how we “respond / react” to them as soon as we recognise the potential triggers (whether it’s people or environment related). What may have impacted us when we were younger may have been extreme in some cases, and, yes, some people may be impacted by similar today. To use Einstein’s quote by example – changing the way we look at things can assist in changing the way we feel about them, including our ‘pain’ that becomes part of us as individuals. Sharing our experiences by speaking out will assist others in the future and by us knowing that is a good motivator. xx
Hey Rebecca: Brave of you to share and what a WARRIOR. Scars remind us where we have been, they don’t dictate where we are going…you are proof of that and while your brother has done damage, the risks not the scar ended when he died and you may know all of it. I have on my fridge: what would you do if it was guaranteed you would not fail? I always tell my children: “ Fly, don’t worry about where you land. I believe in you and I am here.” And while you are valid in your experiences and suffered and survived. Try entering the woods with logical eyes but try a new perception? What would you see if you KNEW 100% that the ghosts were gone, the past vanquished? What would you see? How would you feel? Not sure that helps at all but it’s my best effort at support lol Hugs! Xxx
Thank you TS,
I hope I can put the burden down and live without it. Thank you for understanding how I feel and giving me more hope. I do hope the more knowledge I gain about psychopathy, the more answers I get, the easier it will be to let go of the burden.
I’m so grateful I found HG’s blog and HG’s works, finding the truth and answers here aids in healing and makes a difference. Xx
Hi Asp,
Thank you for encouraging me to speak about it, but it’s a sensitive subject for me.
You mentioned recognizing triggers and controling how I react to them. I have triggers and usually I avoid them. The P Diddy video the other day was a trigger for me. HG did warn us and I thought I could handle it. I was wrong and got upset about it, and in turn got angry for Ashleigh, from the video, and then it had me thinking about stuff I didn’t want to think about….and it’s my own dumb fault…xx
HG,
In one of your Asylum of the Grotesque videos, you asked one of your former girlfriends about hate and she said, she never hated anyone, or that she never felt hate for anyone….I was reminded of that video, while watching the P Diddy video because my anger was so strong, I felt I hated him, listening to what the victim said happened….yeah, definitely hated him. It took me a while to calm down. You did warn us, next time I should listen. Xx
Hi, Rebecca–
“The P Diddy video the other day was a trigger for me.”
I really understand that. Many of the things his victims experienced have happened to me, and it can be hard to listen to. I always take a walk afterwards, which is really nice right now with the leaves changing. Brings me back to myself.
Thanks Contagious,
I imagine looking into the woods and walking into it, without the ghosts, would be liberating and I would enjoy it more and be happier for it. The goal is within sight of me, it’s only me holding me back. I see that, Contagious and thank you. Xx
Hi Allison,
Thank you and I’m sorry you had that happen to you and I hope you found some healing here and that you got relief from the pain. Xx
It helps me too, to get out and get in nature. It helps calm my thoughts and nerves. I’m glad it helps you too. Xx
I find HG’s voice can calm me too….such velvetty smoothness and soothing tones. Xx
Hi TS,
Those pesky narcs, they come out of the woodwork like termites!
Its not really that difficult to find someone on the internet. Did he know your parents first names? He could’ve Googled their names. He could’ve also Googled you with your maiden name and home town. I just did it and my current name and address came up. You’d be surprised how much information is out on the world wide web.
Hi HG:
Just finished a YouTube on psychopaths and accumulation! Brilliant! I must share a story. There is a man who owns most of Orange County commercial real estate. He originated from central Russia long ago. Age: 90+. He is worth 1.9 billion. Anyway his office, a marble buildings with fountains and ornate structures is on my way from my office to the bank. I cross his property with my dogs. One day he is outside with a GIANT white husky that is so giant it is not native and I have seen many dogs over the years and am familiar, probably a large Malamute. But very big! His dog is off leash as I walk by. I am worried as huskies can be aggressive. But as I walk by he says “ if you pick another flower off my yard, I will set my dogs on your dogs and you.” I stop as I know what he is referring to and I say “ I ran out of bags so I picked a two inch plant with large leaves to clean up after my dog so as to respect your property.” He said surprised “ oh thank you that’s ok.” Then I said “ if it’s important to you, the plant is in my trash can, I can wash it off and give it to you.” He looked at me with a blank face as if considering it and said “ no that’s ok.” WTF does someone with almost 2 billion dollar care about a 10 cent increase plant among 1000s of plants on his property? Why was he watching me? And to think he waited for me to make a death threat? I get it. My ex was that way. He was from Brooklyn and others were “chumps. “ He would drive 45 minutes for bruised fruits to save money. He would shop at the 99 cent store. He got busted for shop lifting with a thousand dollars of rolled hundreds in his pocket. He stole a pair of socks. He was a poker player. Win: happy. Lose: angry. I recall a thanksgiving when I bought a naturally raised turkey for ethical reasons and he ranted about how Ralphs sold turkeys for $9.99! My friend who was there and who wasn’t living in an 8000 mansion in the beach with two Rolls Royce’s, a Mercedes, and SUV, Nannie’s, a Gardner, cleaners etc… didn’t understand how I could deal with that like she had since they struggled money wise. Neither could I, but you said it: ACCULMATION. He didn’t enjoy spending money only on certain things like HIS cars but he enjoyed accumulating it! Some would be upset over losing 10,000. My ex would freak out if somehow he lost a dollar to someone else. He and his family are hoarders of money. Overall hoarding is not good for the economy, it doesn’t go into capital investment, research, jobs. It demonetizes a society. No one has made me understand this … until you. It is why I follow. You are a genius! Is accumulation a sort of control?
Control can be used to achieve accumulation.
Truthseeker,
He’s disgusting. What a nasty…I’m impressed and appalled by his tenacity and revisions of truth.
I’m rather curious what triggered the hoover, too. Twenty years is a long time…and he went to much effort…to demonstrate his narcissist credentials.
If you had not to become a student of HGs, do you think you would have contacted him?
Hi H.G.:
I follow your new channel and am especially interested in psychopaths.
1. The DSM and ICD don’t recognize that term, why do you use it?
2. Do you see ASPD as different than psychopathy?
3. Are psychopaths nihilists? Some?
4. Some on the internet say psychopaths is a behavioral choice not a mental illness. Agree?
5. Is there a spectrum for ASPD? Dr Robert Hare says so.
6. Is narcissism diagnosed with psychopathy the same as narcissistic psychopath?
7. Some leading psychologists such as Hare and Dutton say psychopaths often don’t kill or commit crimes… agree?
8. Does psychopathy always predominate narcissism? Ie the goal drive always outweighs the need for fuel ?
9. Is it your psychopathy that created this ability to read others, categorize them ?
10. How?
11. You said sometimes the mask slips and essentially the narc will reveal himself responding oddly to the circumstances, and we see that with some psychopaths such as in the Virginia series where she spoke to n a monotone voice and showed the police where her dead parents were almost like showing a tv repairman where the tv was so it seems psychopaths react odd at times… true?
12. i have seen true crime type shows such as with Bundy, Gacy and Wuornos and they speak flat like monotone. Is that a psychopathic trait? I know my ex husband diagnosed with ASPD had a very matter of fact calmness no matter what the situation.
13. Gacy said killing someone’s relieved this pressure in him. He just felt better. Do you have any idea what he is talking about… this pressure?
14. If so, what is it?
1. I use it because it is familiar to people and a word regularly used.
2. I do.
3. Some will be, yes.
4. No.
5. The position is the same as I have explained in relation to narcissists.
6. In effect, yes.
7. Yes.
8. Yes.
9. In part.
10. The application of logic based decision making devoid of feeling.
11. Yes.
12. Flat effect is a psychopathic trait.
13. The pressure is boredom.
Thank you especially the response to No. 13, I had not thought of that…
Hi Dani,
Yes that’s what surprised me too. I’m being vague as to time so as not to reveal my age but it’s well over 20 yrs but comfortably less than 30! Never spoken to him once since uni. Apparently he did call my parents once previously though when they were still at their old house. My mum (a narc) pretended she didn’t remember him. Haha!
I see the me being dead thing as just a way to get a response. They open the letter and think “Oh, we can’t have him thinking that she’s dead.” As it is, the letter just threatens mum’s control. My dad meanwhile is finding the whole thing funny.
No, I wouldn’t have contacted him. I finished it because I found him stifling so he isn’t a past boyfriend I think about fondly. The only irritation for me is that I thought I had two non narcs within my big list of five intimate relationships. Now I realise there is only one.
Xx
But your narc mum got to assert control over a random narc.
I’ve had a similar situation with A guy reappearing after six years of nothing…I don’t know him well enough to say if he’s a narc. But he went to lots of trouble to find me when we only interacted thrice in person. found my parents and contacted them to get to me.
Dani,
When in doubt I always ask myself if I can see myself doing similar under any circumstances. If the answer is no then sometimes, that’s good enough.
I suspect that in your case, you found it odd that someone should go to such trouble to find you after only three meetings six years ago. That’s the steer I’d take. It’s odd. Good enough.
Xx
Thank you, TS.
Dear TS–
“Not curious enough to go trawling though!”
Stay strong, TS. Don’t prod the beach rubble.
Allison,
My little trawler is bobbing along in the wake of that massive ocean going liner known as The Tudor Rose.
I could swear those are missiles on the sun deck!
Xx
Truth seeker: I used to joke the bad ones never go away. The good guys get married, you don’t hear from the them. It’s a joke but sort of truth from it, don’t you think? Now I have a friend I who heard from whose her ex from high school, his wife had died decades later and they reconnected. They are still happily together. I love those stories
I need help friends. ! My ex has never let go. In ways that are unfathomable. Police, doctors, psychologists, ministers etc… and he created a link to SoundCloud where he sends his love songs and warnings about aliens and I can’t delete it as I don’t have the password to it. He has one-of my crazy neighbors who thinks God gave him the ability to heal illness who spy’s etc…Not once in 12 years has he let go and we are going through a divorce. Never a devaluation really. BUT while H.G. found him a middle lesser. …He has other issues greater than that per police who have called me and doctors. He was almost sectioned for it. No one will tell me what exactly his diagnosis is but his weekly government controlled psychiatric visits suggest doubt that’s they are court ordered for narcissism but it’s why I ask H.G. what does it look like if no fuel? He isolates completely. Gets paranoid. Doesn’t eat.. No answer from my ex or treating doctors in the past. Or last month. He went from an international businessman who drove who quit drinking ( huge!)who moved to California was a good husband and stepfather who 12 years later was almost sectioned and was made homeless. Sadly I refused for 6 years to take him back but I wanted a walk away divorce. After an incident with him and his mother, where he threatened the lives of police… he did things then where I could threaten him with a walk away divorce if he didn’t file and we did and we filed but it has not stopped him from contact. But it’s sad. It never will until I quit working and can change all my social media but ??? Plus I don’t care. He is crazy. Literally nuts. I could get injunctions but they don’t work with types like him. I am in California and he is in the UK so I am ok. The signs were there for narcissism but I was confused as other signs were there too.. He wasn’t a typical narc. I feel bad for him as I know why. Tragic childhood and I believed he tried but he lives in fear of aliens and immigrants and government now and for awhile and now he tries to warn me of the earths doom from aliens etc…. I might consult H.G. but I feel very safe and I just think he will stay isolated. He lost his mind. If there is a border between sanity and insanity: it is my soon to be ex husband who I fear will always be sending messages about alien invasions, WW3, his undying love for me and immigrants planted to take over. I dont want him
Back, I haven’t for many years but he is like a cancer victim or exactly like John Ford Nash a mathematician at Oxford, A Beautiful Mind. It’s sad to see a person unravel even if he had been at times an abusive narc . I told my family at my mother’s 80th, it’s hard to deal with a husband who became mentally ill. If it were cancer, or paraplegic injuries, I would stay but when someone has narcissism coupled with the delusions mine has, it’s too hard ti function. It’s just so sad friends. I just couldn’t and I can’t. I think he has schizophrenia or schizoid or he has psychosis…I don’t know ! he was hospitalized in his teens (lie) for whatever, he told me it was for depression but he was proscribed Valium and lithium. It’s a miracle like John Nash he made it through college, and worked and married until it took him in his 50s. ??? Why John Nash then? Why later HG: what mental illness would supersede narcissism? I remain distant, 6 years he hasn’t been here, kind and loving but firm.we have no future but I must admit when he sends a song about mind control and WW3 and then sings he is all alone 20 times, in pain, and needs me in isolation in his mind, fearful of the world, I feel sad. I don’t think there are answers and I think his delusions are something else. I am one who has a narc with obvious other illnesses and isn’t a narcissist psychopath. Is s something else. He has tried suicide a few times in the last 3 years. The police called from the UK month to offer me support and protection last month. I didn’t reply. No contact in place. I don’t know why? He lives in a delusion , cut off everyone, sings songs about paranoid delusions and seems to think we are one who needs to know. We will b divorced in 6 months yet he sees us as one against an alien invasion about to happen or mind control implants in our brains etc… he has had these weird beliefs and more. He started seeing aliens in our relationship when he was functioning. Do you guys think I have anything to worry about? What do you think is going on beyond narcissism? HG can a certain mental illness supercede narcissism or make it worse? Is is what it looks like with no fuel?
Hi, Contagious-
You’re going through a lot. For what it’s worth, here’s what I would do:
1) Book a consultation with HG ASAP.
2) Delete my SoundCloud account.
3) Consider reaching out to the UK police in response to their offer of support.
My soon-to-be ex has mental issues as well, so I know the dysregulation that can cause in you. I’m glad you’re reaching out. You need HG’s expertise.
Contagious, I should have added: Could it be that he’s just still a child and needs to grow up by himself without mommy?
I know you just recently came out from a consultation with HG and you shared your progress and findings a month ago(?)…. Continue to focus on yourself, dear, not on a man-child who demands your attention.
Contagious, I’m on the floor, you have such a way of getting it across, it’s a comedy script. “He started seeing aliens in our relationship when he was functioning.” …”sings songs about paranoid delusions and seems to think we are one who needs to know.”…lol
What you describe is amusing to no end. I get why lessers can be amusing. I think I’ve chatted in the past with this brethren because I like the alien topic and conspiracy theories and they seem to have a plate full.
Anyways, your ex started seeing aliens in your relationship, what kind of aliens? You mean hallucinations? You and him and aliens at breakfast?
I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Could it be that he’s just still a child?
If you have time, check out the alien comedy starring Simon Pegg: “The World’s End” and “Paul” . It’s hilarious and gives a different perspective.
Hi Contagious,
Are you worried about him? Why? You should probably stop listening to the things he sends you. If you were totally no contact, you wouldn’t even know he was sending you things and you wouldn’t be worried right now. I think Allison is right. You need Mr. Tudor’s help. I think your ET may be a little high.
Hi Contagious.
Yes. Always a chance they’ll crawl back out of the woodwork.
From what you have written about your ex I think it’s clear that he is still causing you to experience guilt, obligation and confusion. Your No Contact sounds like it isn’t as watertight as it might be even considering that you are in process of a divorce where a minimal level of contact is understandable.
I know you have consulted previously with HG. The divorce process is bound to stir up memories, emotions and further questions for you. I would book another consultation to talk things through with HG and get those questions answered. You also want to make sure you don’t inadvertently derail a long awaited divorce through making a wrong move.
You’re right, he sounds like a Middle Lesser, his black and white thinking, hair trigger on his ignited fury plus rampant paranoia is likely what make him appear so crazy to you. Get it right, get rid, talk to HG!
Xx
Wow. That’s an awful lot.
I’m going to summarize my experience, so it may sound cold. Unfortunately, its up to the ‘patient’ to sort out the diagnosis and therapy. But you will be swimming in dangerously high cortisol for an extended period and need to address that for yourself and your children.
So here’s the summary. My first husband, my daughter’s father. I was aprox age 30 to 40 , he was 8 years older. When we married he had been steadily employed as a case worker for special needs children for 18 years. I had finally graduated from college and was working in special libraries. Our daughter arrived 10 weeks before our first anniversary.
When we started dating I noticed he had a limp and asked about it. He became defensive with ‘so you’re not going to date me then’ and said something oblique that left me thinking it was congenital. I never revisited the topic. The last year of his life I finally met his oldest sister. She pulled me aside and asked when he started to limp.
First half of the marriage was more or less fine. He had odd episodes of what could be described as highly narcissistic behavior. But it was episodic and seemingly random. The first few years he’d have anywhere from a few days to a week of one of these episodes then return to a still sometimes problematic but much less controlling or irritable base line. By the end of his life it had flipped. He was all episodes with the base line kicking in for a bit about once every other month.
He quit three jobs in the last two years. Was always angry and fighting verbally. After an almost beating with an metal industrial table lamp I snapped and had him removed from the house. Four months later he committed suicide.
After one of the court hearings on the removal he was in a lucid place, so I agreed to lunch in a public place. Then he told me his doctors suggested he had MS. WT actual F!!! Floored, I asked about treatment. He responded that there wasn’t a cure so why bother.
After his death I learned more about MS. It wears away the myelin sheath along nerves, the insulation along the body’s wiring. Without the insulation the wiring misfires and becomes hypersensitive. I think most of us are aware of outward physical symptoms, but I learned more about the psychological symptoms associated with untreated MS. In hindsight, well duh! Of course the nerves in the brain were implicated in his deterioration.
My point Contagious is that there’s a whole host of things that might be wrong in addition to or instead of standard mental health problems.
As my daughter said after her dad died. If he had loved us he would have gone to the doctors. I’d temper that with he was slowly losing the capacity to make rational choices without telling anyone. Still. It was up to him to get a solid diagnosis and treatment.
Please take good care of yourself!
Thank you for sharing a piece of your history, Nifty. I don’t think you sounded cold at all.
To add insult to injury, How to Save a Life by The Fray was in heavy rotation after his suicide. Damn near wrecked the car. Had to pull over repeatedly. Probably shouldn’t have been driving those first three to six months. Its a beautiful song though. Nails it in a way that’s cathartic. As does Jonatha Brooke’s Inconsolable. To paraphrase a quote attributed to Churchill, when you’re in hell, keep going.
How to Save a Life
Step one, you say we need to talk
He walks, you say sit down, it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left, and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
‘Cause after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you
And where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
Inconsolable ~ Jonatha Brooke
I never knew what enough was
Until I’d had more than my share
Then I let the darkness in
It was then I lost the dare
It was then I lost the day
There will be no prayers on your return
And there will be no party thrown
And you will find your inheritance
Is the silence that’s grown
It is the seed that you’ve sown
‘Cause you were the one sure thing
The one sure thing
Maybe I’m not crazy, just inconsolable
There is no mystery to be revealed
And so we tell the truth and then run
I love you because I love you
And I did think that you were the one
But now I see who you’ve become
‘Cause you were the one sure thing
The one sure thing
Maybe I’m not crazy, just inconsolable
Hi Contagious,
You said to Mr. Tudor, “I think you said before, your psychopathy dominates your narcissism, true?”
I listened to the Sonia Poulton interview from October 1 and Mr. Tudor talks about it in the interview. At the 12:29 marker he starts talking about his psychopathy and narcissism.
Thanks!
Do you think narcissists are better penalty takers?
Some are, some are not. Some are because the need to be a proficient penalty taker will lead them to practice repeatedly so they are very good at taking penalties. Some are not, because they will believe they are very good at taking penalties (and they will seek the fuel from the anticipated adoration of scoring and the need to control team mates and the opposition) when in fact they are not.
Thank you!
Mr. Tudor–
The episode of “If I Ruled Me World” with Dr. Julia was lovely. You mentioned that you’ve “served two masters” in the past and it never troubled you because you ultimately only served yourself.
A story about how a critical point of that type of conflict plays out would be completely fascinating as an article or video. A story about you is always preferable, but if it’s not possible, would a story of a famous self-aware narcissistic psychopath or greater narcissist in that same sort of juggling act with different masters be something you could share with us?
Thank you so much for your time, sir. Much appreciated.
Mr. Tudor,
Have you analyzed JD Vance and Tim Walz? If you have, would you be willing to share their classifications with us?
I have not analysed them.
HG,
1. There are female social media influencers who upload videos of themselves working out at the gym. There has been plethora of videos where these influencers accuse men at the gym of staring at them or harassing them. Are these likely to be Somatic Narcissists?
2. Are Narcissistic individuals more likely to INITIATE infidelity compared to Empaths and Normals?
3. Per your video about online trolling, you have stated that many non-narcissists engage in that behavior. When fights or physical altercations break out at sporting events, these can be committed by any of the four classifications, correct?
Thank you.
1. One cannot state that they are somatic narcissists from one instance, however the filming of themselves is a narcissistic indicator as is making an unsubstantiated accusation.
2. Yes.
3. Yes, usually normals as there are most of them.
Sir,
are all Greaters (politician, monarch, priest, behind the scenes figures) interested in leaving a legacy behind them and do they calculate how history (future) must develop and turn out in order for them to be remembered? If so, how far into the future do they think ahead?
Yes, they will seek to have some form of legacy. The forward planning will vary is duration and extent.
Hi HG,
I hope you are well.
I love your work and am very grateful for you allowing us to have this forum to speak with you!
Your work is both educational and entertaining. You cover a broad range of topics, and it really makes me wonder about the following:
1. Is there ever overlap for Narcissists between their schools/cadres over prolonged time periods?
For example, would a lower mid range learn to have a better facade over time as they become more skilled, so they can ‘upgrade’ to, for example, a middle range lesser range? (Then they can keep their lower element, and their middle element, but swap to become more effective/stronger over time).
If a Narcissist is furious, what allows them to reinstate their facade? over time, can they learn to have better control over it?
What if they moved socio/economic class (could this affect their facade/category)?
2. Would a Narcissist start randomly singing loudly when a victim does not engage with them, (even if discarded) to try and get attention?
That’s specific, but what I mean is, why is there a push/pull between disengagement and hoovers for the Narc? Do Narcissists notice the discrepancy between the need control and the desire to be absent to try and maintain a position of power? Does the compulsion to establish contact threaten the Narcissistic sense of control?
Thanks for reading my questions. I hope I’ve explained what I mean.
Best Regards,
Shona.
Hello Shona,
Thank you for the compliment about my work.
1. No, the narcissist does not change school or cadre.
2. The “healing” of the wound through the provision and fuel and the application of control allows the facade to be reinstated (where one is used by the narcissist).
3. Socio economic class is but one factor of many that is relevant to the school and therefore a change of itself would not mean a change in school.
4. Potentially, yes a narcissist may well sing loudly to bring attention on to them.
Jordyguin says “Rebecca and Asp, I read with such interest all of your observations on Meet Joe Black. What it made me realise is that I can’t really have conversations with “outside people” on such topics anymore because when it can’t be discussed within the knowledge we learned here it makes no sense, if you know what I mean.”
Yes, with some people in the past, I got that impression…….
think ‘The Blank Look of the Narcissist’ 😉
Asp,
I get that look from MLSN and then he says, what nonsense! He can’t connect the dots. Xx
Rebecca, maybe the narcissism is deflecting? I was also thinking (grinning) of the times I had ‘created’ the 404s, the blank looks, the glitch, the narcissist’s reality gap……I now understand why they occurred – I did not necessarily cause them every time 😉 (it may have been a situation that existed without any involvement from me but I as present, if you can understand? Triangulation kind of scenario).
Asp,
He’s definitely deflecting. I point out a behavior pattern, he agrees he does it, but then denies it’s narcissistic behavior. He refuses to acknowledge it’s narcissistic, or is it he really doesn’t believe it? Is that where his narcissism protects him from seeing it as narc behavior? And that’s when he calls it all nonsense. Xx
At work, in the wee hours of the morning, a coworker came to check on me. I was working alone in a building which many believe to be “haunted.” She opened the door, and later said she felt an entity pass through her and her heart stopped. She left immediately.
She explained that she is an “empath.”
Not realizing that to her (and others) an empath is someone who sees, feels, or hears entities/spirits/demons/ghosts/things from parallel existances, and not knowing why she was telling me this, I said “me too.” Because to me, being an empath is more about things discussed here than the supernatural.
So, my question is: do you think these forms of empaths are connected? And how?
Would a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath be an empath of the kind this coworker represented?
Would a narcissist believe that they can see beyond this plane? It seems like they would (power), but the ability to sense another entity which is beyond tangible…?
Would this type of person be a narcissist? Could the two traits comingle in one person?
The simple belief in the type of entity that you describe in the scenario you have recalled is insufficient for a finding of that that person is. It would need to examined alongside other behaviours. It is the case that unaware narcissists will often believe they have such powers of “sight”, believe they are reincarnated, that they can see other planes etc, but having such a belief of itself does not make someone a narcissist.
Hi HG:
My ex felt he was a psychic and his old mum was one. I never saw it. He believed he saw aliens, ghosts etc… My ex was a middle lesser. I have never met a real psychic or seen a ghost ( I think on the ghost). 1. Are certain schools of narcissists likely to believe in supernatural phenomenon. Almost Halloween! Now, Micheal Crighton a medical doctor and lawyer from Harvard who wrote Jurassic Park among another best sellers… wrote a book on travels. He traveled the world looking into supernatural phenomens. He believed in astral travel, he met a few true psychics but felt 98% were con artists.
2. Have you seen a ghost?
3. Have you met a genuine psychic?
4. Do you believe in astral travel?
5. Do you believe there exist other dimensions. ( Quantom physics)
6. You see auras you said. I believe empaths are red. Why that color do you think?
7. What other auras do you see?
8. What color(s) are narcs?
9. What color (s) are psychopaths?
9. What color (s) are normals?
10. Why do you think high majority contagions see auras like you?
It’s almost Halloween! X
1. No.
2. I do not regard any of them as genuine.
3. No, I do not.
4. Yes, that seems feasible to me.
5. I do not know.
6. I do not.
Interesting responses HG. I agree with you with the exception of quantum mechanics I know I sound like a nutter to people who don’t know me but I am 1% of people who regularly lucid dreams and I believe I enter other dimensions where there is no time or space and I see dead people. My religious people speak of prophecy and God speaking in dreams. It’s in the Bible… Even my non religious friends believe me when I go into detail. For example my ex boyfriend who produces the Grammys country music awards etc… he is busy, and married and we don’t talk all the time. But I had a dream that he was asking me for help. I called him. His father was in the hospital and died soon after and he invited me to join his family at a nonprofit blues event he runs. I saw my deceased friend who got a delivery of flowers at her home. She fell to her knees and looked at me. I contacted her ex boyfriend only to find he committed suicide a week earlier. I saw the time of death of my best friends killer (20 years now deceased). I saw my father’s home and he left a note telling me to go home. Recently I saw my ex in a relationship and I learned through a third party he was dating a young women who fit the exact description and was from the same country as my dream. Either I am weirdly intuitive coupled with a lifetime of coincidences or quantum physics is real. I could give many more examples but … boring.
Food for thought.
Hello HG,
“2. I do not regard any of them as genuine.”
1. But let’s say if you’d met a genuine psychic (with proof and evidence) but there would be no explanation attached to the psychic how psychic abilities are possible. How would your rationale explain their existence though?
Would then the rationale make them part of itself i.e. relating those abilities to the physical matter / brain function?
2. Can the rationale think out of its box or is it something else which is “out of the box” of the rationale – it can only witness but not explain?
3. What if the psychic abilities are placed beyond the rationale’s access and clearance level? For a reason…
4. Rationale’s prime aim is the understanding of everything but isn’t its understanding incomplete and the picture only half-filled if it doesn’t include feelings and the 6th sense?
1. They are not genuine.
“1. They are not genuine.”
Thank you!
Because the rationale is 5 senses bound, correct?
And if something exists outside of the 5 senses it can’t be understood and if it can’t be understood it can’t be controlled and if it can’t be controlled it becomes redundant.
But you also wrote: “It might be argued that a brain engages in betrayal through its constitution of the world as a device for understanding, rather than accuracy.”
This made me think of: when the conquistadors arrived and began to burn the mayan books it took them four month of daily burning, at the beginning only, and the burning campaign itself lasted for years and decades. Can you imagine how much knowledge was lost, a knowledge of a completely different civilisation with a completely different view of the world and reality. Just because the conquistadors didn’t understand or more accurately; were betrayed by their brains.
Hello Mr. Tudor,
I apologize if this is a duplicate. I got a failed message when I attempted to post this comment the first time. Its wonderful to have you back.
I have some questions regarding gratefulness and gratitude. I keep seeing Reels about the benefits of being grateful and having gratitude. It got me wondering how and if you experience those things. Do you ever feel grateful? I know you would show gratitude if it served your purpose to do so, but do you actually experience gratitude? To me, you don’t seem ungrateful either. So I’m curious, how does gratefulness/ungratefulness work with you? What about other narcs? Am I correct in saying that other narcs are always ungrateful?
Thank you so you much for your time, Mr. Tudor.
No, I do not feel grateful.
A narcissist may express gratitude as a manipulation.
Many narcissists exhibit a lack of gratitude.
Its all very interesting to me. Here you are a man who does not feel gratitude, yet you’re a very successful and healthy man. Although successful and healthy are subjective. Many people suggest that having gratitude can be very beneficial. It just makes me wonder, is having gratitude really that beneficial and is lacking gratitude really that detrimental? If I look at you, your lack of gratitude doesn’t seem detrimental to me.
Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts, Mr. Tudor.
I agree.
Let us pose the question, what should I be grateful for? What I have and what I have achieved have been a product of my own endeavours, intelligence, ability and work ethic. Therefore who should I be grateful to? Nobody. Indeed, there are those who have sought to restrain and shackle me and I have prevailed.
Normally we would ask, where or, more specifically, who did you get your intelligence, ability and work ethic from? Generally speaking, we have reason to be grateful to our parents for whatever gifts we inherit and learn from them. However, you have so many valid reasons to be resentful that they kind of cancel each other out; the people who gave you many of your best qualities are also the ones who have tried to shackle you.
Those were my exact thoughts as well, Mr. Tudor.
HG and Leigh,
I’ve come to this conclusion, the envious people who try to shackle HG and other successful achievers are desparate to look better than HG, but their own pathetic attempts and limitations keep them from moving up and make a mockery of themselves. TOW is a perfect example of this and how she tries to look better than Catherine and misses the mark every time. It’s comical to watch, especially when HG does his voice impressions of TOW. Xx
I’m sorry but this made me laugh 😆
Defence mechanism it is
MR. Tudor–
I’m really enjoying the mini-series “This One’s Wife: Why do people comment on her?” It’s very interesting. It was something I was noticing as I was listening, and I was trying to put people into your categories…
What I’ve noticed about those I found more empathic…is that they focus on how the Prince and Princess of Wales, king, queen, and the rest of TOW’s family must be feeling. They don’t like how they’re being treated, particularly when they are undergoing cancer treatments. They talk about ending elder abuse. I would say this is the justice trait.
The way that those I’ve guessed to be more what I think you would classify as normal…I’ve seen a similar desire for justice there…but the way it struck me was that it wasn’t justice for those who have been most wronged by having to deal with This One’s Wife, but more about a way to deal with frustration within their life with someone highly problematic to them.
I know that if someone is dealing with a narcissist in their personal life, it would also be driving down their emotional empathy. They may be dealing with the addiction (if they’re empaths). So it is possible that some of these folks are more empathic.
1. How does the motivation for the seeking of justice relate to where people fall within your classification system?
2. Are my observations good ones or is there something that I’m missing?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciation!
1. Already explained in the videos.
Thank you, sir.
Mr Tudor–
Have you interviewed all four classifications who are making videos about This One’s Wife?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
Yes.
Dani: Have you interviewed all four classifications who are making videos about This One’s Wife?
HG Tudor says: Yes.
If they haven’t taken the ED, you can tell us what different people are with names…and what you determined about their cadres and how…Tell, please? I really want to learn this skill of yours to the extent that I can.
To quote RHR Jen: You can’t do this to us…
1. Did you determine their classifications before interviewing them?
2. How much background research did you do into each of the people interviewed? (You’ve said that you can suss out your kind in ten minutes, but it seems that you know quite a bit about your guests.)
3. Are you going for having at least one of each classification in the “If I ruled my World” series, too?
Thank you so much, sir. Thank you. I appreciate your time!
No, I am not naming them.
1. Not in every instance.
2. I undertook sufficient background checks that allowed me to undertake a constructive interview.
3. Yes.
Thank you, sir. Much appreciation.
Have you been surprised by any answers in the If I Ruled My World series?
It was lovely to hear you laugh with Trevor. It was a different kind of laugh from the others you interviewed in that series and even other videos where your humour has come out/you talked about something amusing to you.
Thank you for everything you do for us. Much appreciated.
Hello HG! I sent you two clips from The Bear on Hulu. It swept the Emmys with Jamie Lee Curtis winning her first Emmy for one brief episode! She plays the lead actor’s mom in a flashback scene at a family Christmas… wow… what a display… pity plays, alcohol, rage, triangulation… making everyone wait for her, telling everyone how lucky they were to be gifted her talents and ruining Christmas… of course. Jamie Lee nailed it. Great example for others to check out for the blog. Have you seen it? Not to mention the obvious impact on her children. One is a drug addict who kills himself. One is a co-d. “ are you ok? Are you ok? She routinely asks her mom and then the lead character who ran… ran so far away … it’s interesting too to demonstrate the multidimensional aspects of narc. The family really loves the mom, they care about her and when she is on… oodles of charm …great cook. But….
Some excellent UK actors in it. The casting is superb, the writing and talent. Only problem is there’s lots of delicious food preparation. I end up eating more while watching, lol
But Jamie Lee Curtis hit every N note. She said it was complex to play the mother in it as although her character is an alcoholic, it was really the mental health issues that drove her behavior. …
Jordyguin says “Rebecca me too thinks that Louis is an empath and Lestat is a narcissist, probably a sociopath. Claudia was still in the making”
this rather amused me. I agree with the first two. The young girl is interesting to consider because of being ‘turned’ into a vampire so young and the character’s behaviour in the film reflected her annoyance at not being able to develop into an adult body as that choice was ‘removed’ from her. It’s good to be able to think about and utilise some as examples of behavours, whether in real life, or acting (a facade of sorts).
Aspi and Rebecca, you went deep!!…Claudia definitely had it all under control and was born into her new skin through LOCE after LOCE. The original circumstance where Louis found her was already LOCE and an even more intense one followed after. In the book she is five, in the film ten. Can you imagine being trapped immortal in that body age?! Torment forever. What was Lestat thinking?! Used Claudia only as a tool to control Louis. She learned everything from Lestat though. Golden child. Became Lestat’s nemesis…
Not aging, needing to obtain other people’s lifesource, living on the dark side, destroyed by the light — the overall idea of a vampire screams narcissism, fuel, creature.
Jordyguin and Asp,
Claudia was physically still a child, but mentally she was a full adult and even deadlier for it. Afterall, who would expect a child to kill them? She was the perfect predator, all sweet and innocence on the outside and pure cold on the inside. HG’s angelic narcissist is her, fits her like a glove. Xx
Rebecca, you nailed it!!! Her cover was ideal!
The angelic part immediately brings Sauron from Lord of the Rings, to the fore. Do you know how orcs were created?? Sauron appeared before the elves in one of his most angelic forms and seduced them…
Thanks Jordguin! Xx
I have watched the Lord of the Rings Series. I knew Orcs were originally Elves, but if I’m recalling correctly in the movie they were buried and potions were used. I know Sauron created them, but didn’t know of any seducing went on….I didn’t read that series either.I did read Interview with a Vampire and Lestat books. The books were better than the movies, in my opinion. The books are usually better than the movies. Xx
Rebecca, I think you mean the Uruk-hai bred by Saruman (an orc species of the supersoldier)… There is no definite origin for the orcs’ creation. Either Melkor/Morgoth created the very first ones out of Elves or they were Elves who became evil… Sauron’s description sounds as if he were a Greater!
Lotr.fandom.wiki: Sauron frequently disguised in “a fair form”, and took the false identity of Annatar, “Lord of gifts”, among the Elves and in the kingdom of Númenor, which he intended and succeeded to destroy from within… He named himself Lord of the Earth. A mask he still could wear so that if he wished he might deceive the eyes of Men, seeming to them wise and fair… Although Sauron knew that Men were easier to sway, he sought to bring the Elves into his service, as they were far more powerful… Sauron was neither a human nor an Elf, but he could have resembled either in his fair disguise… Sauron’s original name was Mairon. In the Days before days, Mairon was as Eru had created him: good and uncorrupted. His greatest virtue was his love of order and perfection, and dislike of anything wasteful… Mairon’s desire was to dominate the minds and wills of Middle-earth creatures for what he perceived to be their own benefit…
Jordyguin,
You asked, What did Louis, Lestat and Claudia have in common with Brad and Angelina? They were all part of a narcissistic dynamic, dealing with the manipulations and the emotional rollercoaster, they (Brad/ Louis)were the primary partner of the narcissist/ narcissitic psychopath for AJ , Lestat and Claudia. Brad and Louis were both miserable, and they both made their way out of the sphere of influence. . Rather, tried to… Brad is still working on it and Lestat is trying to get Louis back. Louis just needs to keep his No Contact strong and work on lowering his ET, so he doesn’t keep dwelling on the narc and overthinking it all. Xx
Rebecca, you baked Louistat-Brangelina cookies!👏 Love!!
Jordyguin,
Loius knew the replacement mother for Claudia would eventually suffer like him, but he changed her for Claudia, because he couldn’t say no to her. Louis was an empathic person, why he was so miserable with the vampiric life that was thrown at him. Xx
Jordyguin,
Sauron does sound like a Greater narcissist. The Orcs he created were terrifying to see and even worse to have chasing you! I couldn’t help, but to get hyped up during the fighting scenes! I could barely stay in my seat!
I didn’t get into the Lord of the Rings as much, as I did Harry Potter.
The Lord of the Rings was too painful, a lot more prolonged suffering to watch. It’s very upsetting for me because I dive in and get buried in the emotions of the stories. It doesn’t matter this person didn’t really die, it still upsets me. I didn’t like that series as much as Harry Potter, not that Harry Potter didn’t get darker as it went on in the Series….Lord of the Rings just was more upsetting to me, to watch. Xx
Jordyguin,
I think Joe Black was narcissistic, so the dynamic was there for that story too. He was Death, but showed emotional empathy for Susan. He wanted to take her with him, keep her in his realm…in the Underworld with him. That’s narcissistic possession, she’s mine, she comes with me. It was her Dad, who talked him out of it and he did that by making him realize she would be unhappy with him. His emotional empathy for her showed in his final decision to leave without her. Her Dad saved her and Death loved her. Xx
Rebecca & Jordyguin,
The more I recall and consider Claudia’s behaviours, including obtaining herself a “replacement” mother? Yes, Claudia’s character is very interesting indeed.
Asp and Jordyguin,
Claudia was definitely one of the more interesting characters, her and Louis were my favorites. I was upset and pissed off, along with Louis, when she was killed. Xx
The film itself is a really good example of viewing narcissistic behaviours onscreen, some of which were similar, no matter the age (operating from the same book), fuel & control by preying on victims (feeding off them, sometimes toying with them beforehand. I also thought how many of us empaths ‘related’ to ie this film, partly because of our own experiences of narcissistic manipulations yet maybe not making the actual ‘connection’ of narcissism prior to finding HG’s work and maybe some of us realising that our previous unaware addiction to narcissism may have ‘attracted’ us to ie this particular film. For me, it was partly, albeit temporary ‘escape’ (as well as other horror films etc).
So. How much of our addiction to narcissism is at play, compared to our interests in such films because of our pasts / empath make-up (including GPD because of ancestors interests / hobbies ie grandparents etc)? What about normals? Would they be as ‘attached’ to such films (ie emotionally / mentally)? Of course, narcissists utilise for character trait acquisition, triangulate (assertions of control) etc.
Rebecca and Aspi, I agree! Her character plus the actors created such a fascinating dynamic and performances! … If Brad Pitt only knew… Louis+Lestat/Claudia. Brad+Angelina. What do they all have in common?!
Claudia’s real age at the end is 75 (+5 or 10) when she obtains herself a “replacement” mother. Her sort of trying to start new and relive the childhood she never had, which would also include a realisation on Claudia’s part that she needed to mature (at least mentally) in a natural way next to an example to follow. The replacement mother was empathic and caring towards Claudia but also projecting her own lost daughter onto her. Making it all a wishful fantasy. Her being unaware of the consequences of the price which comes with it. But also melting our empath’s hearts — because of them both never getting a second chance for a happy ending.
Yet in reality it still would have turned their existence to a shadow. The empath mother would sooner or later reach the point of Louis where she would only suffer because of the necessity of taking other people’s lives in order to maintain her own (fantasy). What would her fate have included? Waking up and realising the tragedy of the inability to let go?… I get it why Louis didn’t want to support this outcome.
What also occured to me in a further analysis of the characters: Louis was ensnared when he had just lost his wife and child. And Claudia had also to lay out the guilt trap in order to get Louis to turn the “replacement” mother. It would have catered to Louis’ empathic trait of wanting to heal and fix, him wanting to repair what he initiated when he bit Claudia and became responsible for her creation. He agreed to turn the “replacement” mother perhaps also on the basis of wanting to have his surrogate family (wife and child) complete. His motivation is empathic but also selfish, but also as a result of manipulation. Him trying to find resolution within impossible circumstances under the pressure of Claudia’s ability to manipulate him, her own sensible needs and his empathic needs, on top the new empathic victim – “replacement” mother and potential “replacement” wife – suffers from the same loss as Louis which adds weight to his final decision (! to create another killing machine).
The characters seem to be stuck in what went wrong in their pre vampiric lives and the solution (vampirism, immortality) can’t really solve it. But here I have to remember the element where the audience must empathise with characters thus vampires are given empathy and the mixed up portrayal messes around with our own moral compass when we empathise and try to make sense of their motivation. In reality a cold blood would probably not suffer if they’d be granted power of that kind, and an empath could not live with himself taking other people’s lives to benefit his own.
In relation to narcissism a striking similarity could be; The vampire’s only fear – sunlight – could be symbolic of the fear of surfacing emotional empathy which brings the danger of burning down the existing construct (a literal/metaphorical death of a protective mechanism of survival).
The transformation into a vampire occurs through the death of the original human constitution, which could be symbolic for: when the construct had to step in and set perceptual and behavioral parameters i.e. deactivate the empathy area in order to protect the child’s psyche from drowning (in physical/emotional/mental pain).
The blood of an already formed vampire needs to enter a human’s system in order for the latter to become a living dead, which could be symbolic for the sequence of becoming a narcissist: 1. The bit by a vampire (entrance of a particular gene i.e. genetic predisposition for narcissism) 2. Drinking the blood of an already formed vampire (exposure to the lack of control environment “drinking” it in) 3. The death of the human constitution and rebirth into a vampiric constitution (the construct settles in and reanimates the system with new blood metabolism) 4. The necessity for other people’s blood (fuel) becomes a mandatory diet for survival.
Aspi, you raised very important questions which need further investigation!
“How much of our addiction to narcissism is at play, compared to our interests in such films because of our pasts / empath make-up (including GPD because of ancestors interests / hobbies ie grandparents etc)? What about normals? Would they be as ‘attached’ to such films (ie emotionally / mentally)?”
If I think about it, from an early age I was served fairytales and films which contained mixed up portrayals of narcissistic dynamics… But I’d need to examine all my favs more closely…
GPD, ancestors’ interests, hobbies — this goes even deeper, Aspi! What is your discovery on this?
Jordyguin, as I read your reply, I wondered how much of our childhood / older years interests / hobbies are because of ‘conditioning’ from a young age? Are the interests as an adult genuine, or, conditioned from childhood? My interest in art, for example, is not conditioned and parental narcissist did not continue her “interests”, whereas, my grandmother did continue with her interests…….
Hi Asp and Jordy:
I thought your question about interests in film or books or art was interesting. Is it influenced by empathy, narcissism or your childhood environment? Is it a gene? Is it more like taste? I like vanilla. He likes chocolate. At an extreme is watching porn linked to crime? HG said I believe that his interests are not linked to his narcissism. Depeche mode can be dark but Ronald Dahl is for children filled with moral guidance. Are we molded into believing the fairy tales of true love by film and song by narcs in a romantic relationship or is it just an ideal wish that an innocent child wants like wanting to be an astronaut someday? Today I would say entertainment is so violent and sex so in your face. Back in the day, Lucy had to have a separate bed and one foot done on the floor and Desi a separate bed. Does all the violence and sex influence society as we see in video games or in series or film? If being spoon fed romance can mold us into this idea ( fake) of true love then why not all of this gratuitous sex and graphic violence? Does it? I see more violence today than romance. And why are we so fascinated with zombies, serial killers and murder mysteries? I am not immune. But I think all Most who watch this stuff wouldn’t hurt a fly or go out and get laid by a stranger. So why does Cinderella or love songs doom us to a wrong image of mature love? Any ideas? Why did good people go see gladiators or hangings? How did fairy tales even Grimm become popular? Why is Shakespeare adored? Why do children love Disney? Why do we chose certain artists and love songs or for that matter other arts? As HG asked Jennifer: why have arts in a school, what is their importance? Is art a reflection of society? Is it a instigator of change? Does it influence us or mold us like education, parenting or religion might? Or is it merely a form of escapism or a little bit of all? So, I loved Disney ( despite how many moms were killed off lol), I was a fairy every Halloween ( my mother also reused the costume). I always wanted a career and I got one. I wasn’t looking for a prince. I wanted to be the rich man I wanted to marry. ( to quote Cher). But did I want romance in a relationship, a true love. Yes! Still do! Still the love devotee! But my definition of love has changed from what I thought it was at 5. I honestly don’t have answers to the questions posed… do you?
Contagious, hmmmm, your comment certainly provoked some thoughts 🙂 When you mention ‘taste’ – yes, that is a human sense that may be genetically passed on – sometimes, not necessarily shared from generation to generation (skipping one or two, or, a mutation in the genes as they are carried forward?). Roald Dahl is one author that will not be forgotten, he certainly invoked images through his stories, including the excellently televised ‘Tales Of The Unexpected’. Some of HG’s stories produce similar responses (thoughts / emotions of varying degrees), where, sometimes the ending is not expected (the irony 🙂 ). Think ‘Narc Tales’ and Grimm’s version, as well as Dahl’s – none of these are necessarily as impactful ie violent compared to what you suggest may be contributing to today’s society’s behaviours (as a whole), or, even, responses to what they hear / see today. HG’s video ‘Why Is The World More Narcissistic’ sums it up really as to what is reflected as a whole in humanity. Not all good people attended gladiator / hanging ‘events’, some did, because they were following the herd ? (rather than not be viewed as not taking part?). In history, maybe it was partly curiosity because they did not have television or as many illustrations published to be able to ‘visualise’ it compared to the availability of visual / auditory resources that is accessible today. In my view, art is a way of expressing oneself, or, capability of showing images / objects that ie were not necessarily available, like sci-fi, pop-art, HG’s video ‘Inside The Mind Of A Narcissistic Psychopath’ is a brilliant example. Some people, even today, may be less than inclined to comment on such works that may ’cause’ some form of ostracization from the “norm” because of societal (sheep-herding mentality), just because one may not necessarily “share” the same background / upbringing. Is there freedom of speech? Yes, and, no. Is there freedom to speak up? Yes, and, no. Is there freedom to be oneself as an individual within immediate society? Yes, and, no.
To answer your your last line (in your comment) – we all will have different views, opinions, perspectives (whether pre-conceived, or changed). I think, this is partly why HG has created the series ‘If I Ruled My World’……. thank you for your comment, it certainly made me think and respond, accordingly 🙂
Contagious, the sheer amount of where your thoughts went too, if we all would have met in real life we wouldn’t be sleeping for months!
Hmmmm I wish I knew all the answers to the questions. Let’s give it a try.
— Interests in film or books or art – “Is it influenced by empathy, narcissism or your childhood environment?”
We’re the product of our environment, our genes and our energetic part (which influences what we can experience, but not explain).
— “So why do Cinderella or love songs doom us to a wrong image of mature love? Any ideas?”
Because it’s aesthetically pleasing and caters to our need for experiencing safety as unproblematic as possible.
— “Why did good people go to see gladiators or hangings?”
Did they have a choice? Was it part of normal society back then? How did they feel about it, would be another question. Good, empathic people surely hated it.
— “Does all the violence and sex influence society as we see in video games or in series or film?”
It had an effect on me when I was younger in terms of seeing it as part of what is and trying to make it make sense. Later I knew the art of film is fake and I appreciated it purely as an artistic form of storytelling. Though I began to disagree with the messages and molding beliefs which were shaped through art. Understanding now that artforms would be used as a tool for assertion of control in many cases. But there are still deep thinkers in art and film and many crafting people involved. Where it’s just games of violence or horror etc. it doesn’t make sense as to what purpose it has? Perhaps suppressed emotions are being addressed in this way. Would be my guess. I have no idea. Assertion of control of the populous for empathy removal purposes would fall into conspiracy theory. But perhaps game artists with psychopathy are shaping violence games as part of their detachment from humans and thus there is the extensive killing involved of what they don’t feel any connection to, i.e. other humans.
— “If being spoon fed romance can mold us into this idea (fake) of true love then why not all of this gratuitous sex and graphic violence? Does it?”
Because romance caters to the empathic needs and the latter doesn’t.
— “And why are we so fascinated with zombies, serial killers and murder mysteries?”
I’m immune to the three you mentioned as entertainment forms, yet not to ’dark fantasy’ with some interesting meaning involved in it.
— “How did fairy tales even Grimm become popular?”
Good distribution agent.
— “Why is Shakespeare adored?”
Because his writings are magical. Psychologically deep. Historical.
–“Why do children love Disney?”
I love many of the Disney stuff. It’s art. It’s a different world. There’s always a happy end !
— “Why do we choose certain artists and love songs or for that matter other arts?”
Because it makes us feel. And feeling guides us in all our interests I think.
Hi Asp,
I’ve been watching Vampire, werewolf, other monsters and horror since I was a kid. I remember the first monster movie I saw as a kid was ALIENS on HBO. I couldn’t stop watching it! The Lost Boys, David….major crush…NEAR DARK, 30 DAYS OF NIGHT, to name a few I really like. I’ve been drawn to them because I enjoy the stories, the characters and how it has that excitement and fear thrown in there too. It’s exciting, thrilling and better than some boring movie. I didn’t connect my movie choices as to do with the attraction/addiction to narcissists, but I can see your point. Makes sense xx
Hi Rebecca, thank you for taking into consideration about the attraction to such films possibly being connected to addiction to narcissism. Makes sense to me too 🙂 x
Rebecca: Vampire, ALIENS, Lost Boys…🥹 🫶
Asp and Jordyguin,
Don’t forget the movie, MEET JOE BLACK…..love that movie and character..xx
Yes, Rebecca. Great film. Now you have got me thinking of Anthony Hopkins and the films he acted in……..
Rebecca, Meet Joe Black is sooo wholesome and a labyrinth for the mind! The idea itself to give Death a mortal experience sets my brain on fire…The scenes with Anthony Hopkins…the dialogues about what it means to be human (focusing on the empathic part)… For Death experiencing love as part of a human experience, also experiencing loss(?) by becoming too much human which is in contrast to Death’s purpose and yet his final decision to replace the ’ghost in the shell’ by bringing back the original soul into the meat suit of Susan’s original crush and not taking Susan with him, comes out of empathy for mortals attachment to feeling, to their loved ones… Susan yet recognising that it’s a different soul, at the same time knowing that Death will reunite her with what became love for something intangible which forms part of experiencing Life and what she experienced as being the ultimate love….It’s too much to handle lol!
What are your thoughts on this film? Is there a narcissistic dynamic involved or not?
Jordyguin, I think the main theme of this film may have been more along the lines of ‘unlearning / learning / relearning’ the father’s way of thinking (and feeling?) his behaviours towards others, including towards his daughter ie loosening his control yet changing the way he controlled (towards others, as well as himself)? Yes, maybe, narcissistic becoming empathic towards the end of his life? Like letting go, with acceptance?
Aspi, our both thoughts sprung to Anthony Hopkins right away!👏
(Is everything okay? Your avatar went transparent…)
Asp and Jordyguin,
I know my “normal” best friend, results from the ND, likes the same type of movies as I do. We usually see horror movies together and she was married to a narc, and dated a narc recently. She was ensnared, but puts up with less abuse and leaves, which is an indicator of a normal. I don’t think conditioning plays a part with her, because she doesn’t have it. I think the attraction happens with normals too, they just don’t stick around for the long trip, or less likely to stick around in ensnarements.
I do think it’s interesting that we usually like the same movies, meaning us commenters on the blog, and I do wonder how much of our addiction has to do with it. Xx
Maybe HG can do a video on the subject? Xx
Rebecca–
Fascinating observation about people here liking the same movies…I would be curious to hear about favorite characters from well known franchises like Game of Thrones, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Avengers, etc…and see what similarities exist (if any) in regard to those favorite characters/characters who give us the giggles (because they’re attractive to us). Do those characters match up with ED results for the types of narcs that are most attracted to us or are those characters narcissists?
Hope all is well with you!
Hi Dani,
I would love to know what HG thinks of the connection and hope he does a video on the subject!
I’m good, thanks for asking. Hope all is well with you, too? Xx
Asp,
The Silence of the Lambs, is the first Anthony Hopkins movie I think of and FRACTURED is another one. Both great movies and the two characters he played, great examples of the narc dynamic! Xx
Rebecca, excellent films. The roles he played ‘Audrey Rose’; ‘The Elephant Man’ and ‘The Remains of the Day’ are different to the ones he portrayed in ie ‘Silence of the Lambs’ series. Yet, there is that ‘aloofness’, as if he has a ‘tendency’ to not show overly dramatic ‘I love…’ and gives indication of understanding of cognitive empathy in his acting…… he ‘held’ back in his role when he appeared with Emma Thompson……probably quite an accurate “mask” he wears in public and on screen. Still, an excellent actor.
Asp,
Anthony Hopkins is a great actor! He puts 100% into his characters, his eyes even took on the personality of the character he’s playing, or is it me? He has that hyper stare down in Silence of the Lambs, he looks right through you, but at the same time he seems to absorb you, just from a stare. He becomes the character, so believable. Christian Bale does thst too, in his movies, like American Psycho. Xx
Rebecca, yes, the stare. One that appears, or does, ‘see’ through you, I’ve experienced that, several times. Wonder what Anthony Hopkins was really thinking at the time of acting in the role when he did that stare…….
Asp,
I think Anthony Hopkins was really into the mindset of the character and was probably trying to get a fear reaction from Jodie Foster, is what I’m thinking. His stare was very intentional and very chilling. He looked really hungry and she was lunch! Xx
Asp and Jordyguin,
I replied to you about Joe Black, it’s waiting in moderation, or got lost…xx Hopefully it’ll pop up. Xx
Rebecca and Asp, I read with such interest all of your observations on Meet Joe Black. What it made me realise is that I can’t really have conversations with “outside people” on such topics anymore because when it can’t be discussed within the knowledge we learned here it makes no sense, if you know what I mean.
As for Sir Anthony Hopkins — he is an enigma. I can’t take my eyes off of his performance or him in interviews. He fills out the stage completely and makes you want to pay attention just to him…You forget that you’re watching an actor or a film, he pulls your attention in and catapults you into whatever he is saying…
(“Anthony Hopkins Interview 1978 Brian Linehan’s City Light” on YT — there are telltales all over the place! If you watch it, you’ll see what I mean. He is literally using the terms which HG would use… feeling like an alien as a child until he began to utilise mimicry, playing different characters when interacting with people, which led him to become an actor…)
Jordyguin and Asp,
Has HG done an analysis on Anthony Hopkins? He does sound like an aware narcissist and he definitely has the narcissistic stare, the charm and manipulations in his performances. He has a lot of intelligence in his eyes, I think he’s a very intelligent man.Xx
HG, If you haven’t already, can you please do an analysis on Anthony Hopkins? I didn’t see an analysis of him on YT. I hope you will do it. Thank you for your time and replies. Xx
Rebecca, I am not aware of an analysis done on AHopkins. However, AH did share that he has Aspergers (diagnosed very late in life), which appears to be plausible. Consider whether we see much on him outside his acting hours. Is he a more private man?
Jordyguin,
Anthony Hopkins is one of my favorite actors. Have you seen him in the series, West World? There are so many narcissistic dynamics in that series. If you haven’t seen it, watch the first season and let me know what you thought of it? Xx
Asp,
I don’t know enough about Anthony Hopkins, outside his acting abilities. He very could be a normal, for all I know….xx Maybe he’s like Christian Bale and he’s able to get into the mindset of the character he’s playing and does it so well that it makes people wonder about him…😄 If he had given me that stare, I would have found away out of a crowded room pretty quickly! Yikes! Xx
Rebecca, Anthony has been an actor for many years and would have practised his skills, regardless of where he is on the narcissism / empath spectrum. As for Christian, I may suggest that he appears to show / be more expressive in his acting roles, as well as during an interview he did.
Asp,
Yes, I think, if I recall correctly, that Christian Bale is a normal, according to HG. Xx
HG, am I remembering that correctly? Xx
Asp,
I hope HG does an analysis on Harris. With all the news a buzz about her and Trump, there would be a lot of interest in knowing what HG sees with her! Xx
Asp,
Anthony Hopkins plays a cold hearted killer in FRACTURED. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth watching. Please let me know what you think of his character, if you do watch it? Xx
No, I’ve not watched it, Rebecca. Thank you for the suggestion 🙂
Asp,
I hope you enjoy it! His character shows a lot of narcissistic possession with his wife and his reaction is telling as well. Xx
Asp,
The, “If I can’t have her, no one can” is quite apparent in his reactions. Xx
Rebecca, I have heard similar phrase used, either implied, or stated as such. It’s more common than people realise what it may refer to.
Rebecca,
Westworld is on top of my list! I only saw the trailer and the restaurant scene with AH “…An entire world, I designed every inch of it…” … Goosebumps!!!
FYI
The late Queen met Philip when she was 13 and he was 18. Engagement permission obtained when she was 20, married around a year later before having first son when she was 22….. (Wikipedia).
Thank you Aspi! Your thoughts are that she was very young when she fell in love and Philip was her first love? So she had no comparison or experience.
The only other Normals I’m aware of are: The Prince of Wales, Uma Thurman, Christian Bale, Sinead O’Connor and Rip Wheeler from the Yellowstone analysis. He was also paired in a relationship with a narcissist Beth…
Uma Thurman was married to Gary Oldman 1990-1992 and Ethan Hawke 1998-2005. Both are excellent actors… Hmmm what are they?
Hi Jordy–
Chairman Rainwater from the Yellowstone analysis was also a normal.
Hi Jordyguin, I read what is written in Wikipedia about the ages of when they met. Knowing what Philip was, no doubt, he would have been extremely charming. I watched a programme about their marriage in the early years and it was interesting to learn how Philip was within the household at that time and needed his own project(s) ie the Duke of Edinburgh Award scheme. He did do a great deal of good that benefited many people. Both the late Queen and Philip left legacies that continue today.
Uma’s marriages appear to have been short. Yes, all 3 excellent actors.
Thank you all, for your input on normals! I had stored them under – impregnable – and “I’m not going to put up with this” – people. But rare (or maybe not so rare?) ensnarements must exist.
Hello again, HG Tudor! I finally decided to ask these questions, apparently the time has come. I hope the online translator won’t let me down ☹
1. You often write about how bad an empath can feel after communication with a narcissist has ended. An empath can be hurt by memories of a narcissist. An empath is killed by his own thoughts, even when there is no contact. I am worried about something else. It seems to me that this is much more terrible than thoughts about a narcissist. Yes, there are triggers that open Pandora’s box and start a chain of memories, but this is not so painful. What is painful is that a narcissist can get into your head anytime and anywhere. As if he has spare keys to my house (but this is my house and I would like only I to have the keys to it). It does not matter where you are: at work, in the park, on the subway, etc. anywhere and anytime. How it feels: you feel as if the narcissist is “thinking about you” at that moment. On a physiological level: your heartbeat quickens, anxiety increases, irritability often appears, you feel excited, you become absent-minded, you lose your appetite, sleep – a feeling that a drug is pouring through your veins, all you want is to find a place where you can sit down, close your eyes and experience what is happening (at that moment, as a rule, pictures of him hugging you, kissing you, you making love, in general, different things) in your head. Since I am a doctor and I understand a little about pharmacology, at the same time I have never used drugs, but from the descriptions, it is similar to what drug addicts call “high”. One might think that this is just imagination, and that at this moment the narcissist is not thinking about you…. but almost always, if not always – after these feelings he somehow shows up – writes, calls, or, for example, makes an appointment) It is hard because even if you have no contact, for a certain long time, but something will remind him of you and he is a narcissist (thinks about me?) – I will always feel it. HG, Tudor, is it possible to somehow get rid of this? Because then there is a feeling that you do not belong to yourself. At any moment, no matter where you are, this can happen. As if a drug gets into your blood and that’s it. It is very, very hard. Because it is perceived as violence. Even before rape – you at least have (God, it sounds terrible) but there is time to prepare. There is none here. They entered you when they wanted and left you when they wanted. When you see a glass of alcohol, you can refuse it. When you see a person who is trying to inject you with a drug and runs at you with a syringe, you can run away))). But here you have no control over anything. You can’t protect yourself at all. Because you don’t even see how it happens. This doesn’t force you to interact with the narcissist (there are no problems to resist here), but it is very, very painful to experience. Sometimes you wonder if you are going crazy? Dear HG Tudor, is there anything you can do about this?
2. My once close narcissist did this to me. Unlike everyone else, I always understood what was happening. But understanding does not mean being able to resist. But I tried) I knew literally right away when we met (Thanks to him). We were NOT a couple, just people who, by the will of fate, had to be in each other’s field of vision for many years. I used to think that what he does to people and to me is hypnosis. But after reading Shahida Arabi’s books, I was horrified by the fact that as a result of interaction with a narcissist, the biochemistry of the brain literally changes. It’s scary. That is, everything happens not only “in the head.” In general, my narcissist could sit opposite me, say nothing, physically do nothing, but I felt his “influence”, I could say “stay out of my head.” What is it like to experience an orgasm without real action? It turns out that it is possible. I could say: “What is happening now?” And he could answer something like “arousal” and laugh. When our interaction with him after many years, due to a combination of circumstances, was coming to an end, he would directly say: “Am I ready to do anything, just so that he doesn’t get into my head?” And I wonder, how the hell do you do it? Do you close your eyes (although I don’t think it’s necessary 😊 and imagine another person? How does the process of penetration into another person happen? Considering the specifics of my work and that in life I had to and have to interact with a large number of narcissists, I come to the conclusion that what is done is done quite consciously. You can not get into my head, you have a choice. In general, I am curious how this process happens.
3. And one more thing. This may be purely my imagination. So please be understanding. Sometimes it seems to me that a narcissist is literally another form of life. Yes, we have the ICD and the DSM, but they are nowhere near the real understanding of who a narcissist is. If all people are Homo sapiens, then a narcissist is Homo sapiens sapiens or Super Sapiens. And sometimes it seems to me that a narcissist can do something that unites his consciousness with the consciousness of another person. Like a virus that cannot exist outside a cell. So a narcissist needs someone else … Because when you interact with a narcissist, there is a feeling that you become one whole, a single organism. I had a feeling that I was experiencing what my narcissist was experiencing … His delight, euphoria, his pain, his anger. As if we were one whole. Is this possible?
Thank you so much for giving us the chance to play “HG Tudor does THIS or THAT.” It’s going to be so much fun! *gazes at HG with stars in eyes* I would love to play this with you, sir. I’ve asked some, and I’m going to try to think of more! Thank you, HG! THANK YOU!
HG… would you consider for Halloween doing a sort of turorscooe on famous villains in film and television such as Jason in Halloween, Jack Nicholson in The Shining, Freddie Kruger, Kathy Bates in Missry, Damian the Omen, Norman bates psycho, Tobe hooper of chainsaw massacre, Anthony, Hannibal Lectir ( trumps immigrants) , Get out, It, and the Conjuring, Dracula, Frankenstein even Chuckie Or Scooby Doo ( empath lol) . It would be fun and I know they are fictional BUT it is hard to sometimes to differentiate a psychopath, a narcissist psychopath, a narcissist, a serial killer… all have no empathy. Narcs need supply and psychopaths don’t. But both can engage in horrific acts that fascinate the public despite being small numbers in the general population. Maybe others did but I often call killers psychopaths. I thought Lucy Lerner was fun. I know it would be fictional but gosh it would be fun!
Hi Contagious,
I love your idea and hope HG does it too. Xx
Contagious you certainly know your horror !
Out of that whole list Freddy Kruger scared me the most.
The girl out of The Ring 2 was scary too. It’s the way she moves, that jerky, cracking, twisty movement.
Takes me back to my clubbing days.
Hi TS,
Jason from FRIDAY THE 13TH was the one who terrified me as a kid. The Cha cha gets me every time! I think it’s the silence of him that creeps me out the most, that and the maschete. 🙃xx
Hi Rebecca,
Machetes and zombie knives are seemingly the thug weapon of choice in the inner cities over here, particularly in London. We actually have new legislation coming in on September 24th to make those kinds of knives illegal to own.
You might want to steer clear of London for the time being!
Xx
Hi TS,
No worries, I’m far from London! 😆
Here, they mostly use guns, just about every day there is a shooting in Philly on the News….hardly hear of a knife fight. I guess because the gun laws here are so relaxed compared to London, even the criminals have a hard time getting their hands on a gun there . Either way, painful way to die…..
I think the hockey mask had a part to play in making me afraid of Jason too. I find mask very creepy, especially when the wearer is quiet and just stares, as he slowly comes at you…..yeah, creeped out now! Xx
Ooh, great idea, Contagious.
With HG’s creativity, I think he’d be amazing at creating something like this for Halloween. Kathy Bates, Hannibal Lecter or Norman Bates would be interesting.
I saw a film called ‘Split’ recently, and the main character was called Kevin Wendell Crumb. The role was acted really well by James McAvoy.
Kevin has different personalities and it’s spooky how he changes from one to the other.
Contagious….. Kathy Bates an Norman Bates in the same sentence? 😉 The child who played the role of Damien did an excellent ‘stare’ before the smiling at the closing scene. I wonder whether a poll asking viewers to select the narcissist / psychopath / hybrid of the characters in the films you mentioned…. before a ‘reveal’ in similar to the ‘Know the Narcissist’? A certain somatic slipped on some hay 😉
Good day, HG Tudor! Do you think it is dangerous for a super empath to work as a psychiatrist or psychotherapist? Many patients with NPD (who naturally do not admit that they are narcissists) come to see a doctor to get a prescription for a pill for a non-existent depression, a “midlife crisis” at 27, etc. What does a narcissist want when they come to see a psychiatrist? What should a doctor do to protect themselves from a narcissist? Should we be afraid of these meetings? Can therapy help a narcissist? A difficult topic. I do not speak English, the translation using Google Translate may be clumsy.
1. No.
2. The Prime Aims.
3. Use my work.
4. Therapy helps the narcissist in terms of the Prime Aims it does not make them “better” or “cure” them.
Thank you so much for your answer! You can’t even imagine how you helped ME and help my patients (and Non-Narcissists Empaths and Narcissists). Yes, I read everything you write very carefully, with a translator, and I would buy all your books if I could, but unfortunately they are not translated into Russian. (Maybe someday this will happen and your books will appear in Russia). You really do a great job thanks to this site (I once suggested to my “close” narcissist to create something similar, but he was not interested… his salvation was “local”, while you save “globally”. There will be more questions, but later, because it is necessary to be as clear as possible with the translation and if there is an answer, it will be amazing. Although there are questions the answers to which you probably do not want to know.
Josephine: I do not know you but I am so impressed with your bilingual abilities and perseverance!
Hello HG after my first engagement with a narc 7 years event that enlighted me about being a son of narcisistic father ago I bumped again with a covert narc, we had a brief relationship at work, to clariry we not work together in same company but time time our compannies will work together 1- 2 times a year. I confess I was a bit disappointed cause I took more than 2 weeks to raise my suspect due to the red flags in interaction then it was very clear after that. She has a good IQ level I think casue she is able to function has phd degree , stable at wortk etc… My first reaction was to go 0 like expected she hoovered , but I just engaged again cause I want to leave mitigating possible smears in work and with friends/colleagues. She has a PS “open relantionship” but of course there sould be a lot under the carpet… The question is the best strategy to get out, we are separated by distance what is very good, I don’t care about “let her win” I thought saying something by the lines I am not sable to mantain a long distance relationship or that I’m going for a monnogamic relationship with another person..
You should not be engaging further with an identified narcissist. You need not explain yourself to the individual. I would recommend that you organise a consultation so I can gain more information from you and provide you with the bespoke advice you require.
Are empaths just traumatised and hypervigilant individuals?
They are more than those things.
Why would a narcissist choose to be with somebody who is a “rule follower” when the narcissist is not. Wouldn’t it make your life much easier if you had chosen to be with somebody who doesn’t get upset when you bend or break the rules. Wouldn’t it be almost ‘easier’ to control a normal or narcissist who is not as “rigid”?
Also, I think I have read somewhere that you addressed this. But would you get annoyed at your significant other for considering other people’s time and not wanting to take advantage of other people’s kindness. Somebody recently got annoyed with me and told me that I make him physically exhausted at the amount of things that I think about. He says I worry too much about things that I need not worry about. After dissecting this some with a long time friend, she said that I am very empathetic and because I might be thinking about what other people might be thinking or feeling and adjusting accordingly. She said it’s not a bad thing but I might be doing it without knowing for sure what the other person is feeling. To me, I thought it was a normal thing to do. I didn’t know that this was abnormal behavior. Would an empath drive even a normal person crazy?
Facade management, easier to control, easier to provoke when rules are being bent or not observed and thus more fuel.
A lot of spiritual teachers who are famous often talk about having an epiphany or something happened to them where they became enlightened. After reading ur work I wonder if this is a sign of narcissism since it’s a bit like magical thinking.
@vicky
I think a lot of religion starters “prophets” are narcissists if not all.
Allegedly Moses wrote this about himself, “Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.”
I very recently started reading about Muhammad and it’s giving NPD
Mr. Tudor,
I just listened to Educating HG, Part 7. It made me sad and then incredibly angry. I hope you got your revenge on the headmaster.
I agree, Leigh. I was really upset by what happened at the end of Educating HG, Part 7. The school discipline was inappropriate and hypocritical. Yes, it can still be done where I live, and I find it disgusting. Headmaster: “Fighting and hitting each other is wrong, so I’m going to hit you two children to teach you that hitting is wrong.”
It left me feeling sick at my stomach, because while I’m certain that HG got even with the headmaster via damaging personal property, the secretary was a friend of HG’s parents. We know that his mother abused him. He has said so numerous times. The secretary told his parents. And I don’t want to think about that abuse. Plenty of information conveyed in Part 7 (and throughout HG’s work) makes me certain that the headmaster’s punishment was preferable to what came after. There’s such a feeling of unease–and I know HG made it out of his childhood…but it hurts to think of HG going through that.
I’ve found all the whole series “Educating HG” to be excellent. I don’t like everything that happened, but seeing the way that HG responded in certain cases…I don’t know how I’m going to feel at the end of the story…and the emotional impact, at least so far for me, has remained the same with each return to the video. I listen again, and I learn more.
HG is a very gifted author and narrator. I’m looking forward to whatever is next in “Educating HG.” and all other stories that involve HG interacting with others.
Hi Dani,
I agree that Mr. Tudor is a gifted author and narrator. I have difficulty creating images in my mind. I guess its lack of imagination. The way Mr. Tudor describes things helps me create the mental image. Sometimes its so descriptive I close my eyes and tense up. Sometimes I even have to shoo it away. This was one of those videos that did that to me.
I’m looking forward to more on his Educating HG series as well.
I really enjoyed Part 3 when he spoke about Andrew. That one made me smile.
What amazed me most about Part 7 was getting to witness his fearlessness in the story. He knew what was coming as soon as he saw the secretary and there was simply the evaluation that the matriarch would be the next consequence…and he would deal with it.
I’ve not doubted his statement of fearlessness, but it’s a new experience to hear how it plays out in his mind in a moment that would leave many children quaking. I really live Psychopath: Savior for the similar reasons.
I liked the line, “This is all alien to me.” I can perfectly see this face, having worked with children of the age I’m guessing he was between.
I love all the stories H.G. shares about himself and his interactions.
Hmmm. I hadn’t thought about Mr. Tudor’s fearlessness. Yes, this story really shows that fear isn’t even a thought in his mind. There was no worry about the consequences. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
Mr. Tudor,
You are currently meeting with therapists, correct? Has the therapy helped to lessen your narcissistic traits in any way? Would you say that you are any closer to having the ability to maintain a long-term monogamous relationship than before therapy?
Not any longer.
No it has not.
I maintain the relationship precisely in the manner I wish to.
Hello HG:
I enjoyed your latest clip on Angelina. It made me think. Her and Brad are narc in narc… but:
1. Do narcissistic psychopaths ever pair romantically?
2. Have you?
3. Btw none of my business I know but are you still with Shieldmaiden? If so, it’s been a long term relationship.
4. How does she fare these days?
1. Yes.
2. Not in a long term relationship.
I thought Brad Pitt was a normal? Did that change? Angelina is crazy enough to be all the narc needed in that relationship anyway.
Hi AV,
Was there an analysis done on Brad? I looked for it, didn’t find it. Xx
Regarding you pairing with a narcissistic psychopath…
Hg says: Not in a long term relationship.
1. Was she aware or unaware?
2. How long did it last?
3. What position was she in the fuel matrix?
4. Will you write an article about her, please?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated!
1. Which one?
2. Which one?
3. They would be IPSSs.
4. Possibly.
Hi Rebecca,
No analysis that I know of, I just thought HG had said that somewhere at one point. I probably remembered wrong. Nice to see you!
Mr. Tudor–
Thank you for answering!
1. What drew you to your own kind, at the time, as IPSSs?
2. Given their differences from the majority…does that place them at more or less of a risk of a hoover after an extended period of time?
3. Do you know what they were looking for from you, if it was more than sex?
Given that there is more than one…it would be interesting to hear about an aware vs an unaware and how they interacted differently with you…please. *looks at HG hopefully*
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated!
1. The pursuit of the Prime Aims.
2. That depends on a variety of factors.
3. The Prime Aims.
Dear HG and AV,
AV,
I think you’re right, I do recall HG mentioning what Brad is in one of HG’s analysis videos on Angelina. HG mentioned it in passing, if I rrcall correctly? Nice to see you again, AV! Xx
HG,
Will you please do an analysis on Brad Pitt? I think there is enough interest here from your Tudorites on the blog. I hope you do and thank you for your time and replies here. Xx
Dear HG,
Do you think those visual video tests, to determine whether someone is right brained or left brained, are legit?
What do you think of the whole notion of left and right brained?
Thank you for your time and replies xx
I don’t know that those tests are.
There are sides to the brain which affect different aspects of behaviour, for instance “handedness” and language.
Thank you for your reply HG and I find those test interesting. My results are right brained dominate, which makes sense for my artistic talents and emotional output. I was wondering what your results were ? Xx
Hi Contagious,
I don’t think Brad is a narc, I know his two ex wives are narc and narcissistic psychopath. Xx
Dear HG,
Did you analyze Brad Pitt? I don’t recall you analyzing him. Xx
Will you analyze the rest of the main characters from Baby Reindeer? Xx I hope you do, thank you for your replies and your knowledge. Xx
Jordyguin:
I bought pretty much all of the knowledge vault. No sign of Brad. . My guess is narcissistic like Johnny Depp.
Hi Contagiois,
I think most of the smearing done to Brad from Angelina has been proved false and made up, in court. I think Brad is a “Dirty Empath” , capable of cheating in a relationship and most likely part Magnet in his Empath make up, because he does seem to have charm coming out the ears and everywhere else…xx😆
Regarding Brad Pitt. Why would Angelina Jolie – a narcissistic psychopath who is capable of ensnaring anyone, go for something less than an Empath who would fountain with Fuel far more readily and more potent than a Normal or a Narc? Brad Pitt took all of Jolie’s adopted kids immediately in and cared for them (not ultimately a Normal or Narc trait) and Jolie got pregnant with his own swiftly after the ensnarement in order to bound him to her. He has lots of character traits and residual benefits. My guess is he’s a Magnet/Carrier Super Empath.
jordy,
Residual benefits…they became one of the world’s most famous couples immediately. Money. Tormenting another very famous actress may have appealed as well…I remember articles over the years that were just being nasty to Aniston. The last one might be more related to her psychopathy…she likes stealing men, so it may have had the flavor of a challenge with Pitt. (Married, famous, and likely to generate a million articles.) There’s fuel there, too. Plenty of reasons–even if Pitt isn’t an empath. I haven’t heard or read HG saying what Pitt is at this point. But there are two knowledge vault products that can be used to ascertain that…I think it’s ?Name the Narcissist/Show me the Empath?…
Hi Jordyguin!!!
I think he is narcissistic like Johhny Depp… consider how long they are battling in court over children and the winery. Reminds me of Johnny fighting long and hard against Amber ( narc). In fact , we might see the case live involving Miravel although I doubt it. Brad cheated on Jennifer Aniston and lied about it and made statements that he was essentially bored but then backtracked saying he only spoke about himself… sitting on the couch smoking too much weed. Jennifer said he had a “ sensitivity chip missing” at the time. Brad was abusive when drunk to Angelina and Maddox and the children on the plane. Mad testified against him. The FBI report is not pretty. Angelina is an alienator, NO DOUBT, but there is also no doubt there were other incidences of drunken situations. It wasn’t until he got caught that he quit drinking. Not childhood abuse per FBI however. Children services cleared him too. So his behavior was bad but not enough to lose custodial visits. And you must give him huge credit, he quit drinking. Brad chooses high profile relationships like Gweneth Paltrow, Robin Givens, Juliette Lewis and Jennifer Aniston not surprising as in the biz to meet others in the biz but it might suggest he likes the attention dating famous women. Not a big red flag. Brad has been sued in a class action for poorly built homes for victims of hurricane Katrina. Brad seemed to dump his friends like George Clooney when married referring in one article I read awhile ago that it is related to his Midwest background and desire for aloneness… hmmm…and while a narc isolates her IPSS, there is no way I would ever give up my friends, it is so hurtful! Brad seemed to reconnect with everyone only once out of the marriage. Again… none of this is proof… HG is probably going to put him under the Tudor scope as there is nothing on him and he did Angelina. But I lean to a Johnny Depp result. I love them both as actors! Brad could also be normal. But hey, it is only my two cents!
Hi Jordyguin,
Nice to see you! Xx I think Angelina went for Brad to take him from JA, the thrill of breaking up a marriage appealed to her. Brad wasn’t the first man she pulled away from his wife. It’s the thrill and challenge for her. Xx
Interesting debate girls. I think Brad is an Empath and here is why. Some thoughts.
1. Brad’s aspirations are family, restorating antique furniture and at maximum 1-3 films (performing) per year. He took care of the kids most of the time, she did her thing. Now they’re battling in court over children because he wants to save them from the LOCE.
2. Brad’s intimate partners… Well it’s not him choosing his partners, it’s rather them ensnaring him.
3. Substance abuse… He’s an actor/producer and given the circumstance that he is surrounded by narcs most of the time he’ll be under the influence of all that comes with it, including the reduction of emotional empathy. Especially under provocation. Jolie is an aware narcissistic psychopath, she would know how to make him drink, provoke and make him look like a villain.
4. Him going no contact with friends would be the result of isolation through Jolie’s manipulation.5. Hurricane Katrina… He wasn’t building those homes with his own hands, right? He chose a company which messed up.
5. Yes there is the potential of Johnny Depp alikeness (narcissistic). However if I judge by Pitt’s roles and performances, he and Depp are different. Brad is more soft and there is more heart to him. Johnny is soft in his appearance and voice but not in the eyes. That’s of course just how I see them. I know people attribute heart and love to all kinds of performers because feelings are their forte. Plus projection.
6. As of Jolie. She needs high quality Fuel 24/7… Going 12 years on a Fuel diet by marrying a narcissistic person with very few empathic traits? I think Brad met all her requirements. I would also keep in mind that for a Greater only 50% are met by the IPPS actually. But those 50% better be high quality, right?
7. Narc cementation a la the Clintons and their Majesties..?… naaaa
8. What is Christian Bale again? Normal? And see – he is not in a relationship with a narcissist and never was. Normals don’t marry narcissists.
Plus: Brad Pitt would be in sustained devaluation after the Golden Period has ended (after 6-18 month). Alcohol would play into that, him trying to deal with the consequences of abuse.
He drank all his life? Well look at his partners and at his job. Both require emotionality over the top. To calm down people drink or take substances.
Good analysis, Jordyguin, at least in my opinion.
One more empath sign, he has lived with three narcs at least, Jennifer Aniston, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie.
@Dani,
Yes- “there are two knowledge vault products that can be used to ascertain that…I think it’s ?Name the Narcissist/Show me the Empath?…” Also 20 Narc Bullets, I think.
Normals do, on occasion, marry narcs. Or vice versa, whichever the case may be.
Thank you, Another Cat. Furthermore Pitt’s publicly known dating history shows that his relationships ended either in common consent or his partners left him (except for the Aniston/Jolie situation), which also speaks against the narcissist’s pattern.
@ A Victor
Narc Bullentins! Yes! Oh, we know so many of HG’s excellent products!
Good to hear from you!
Oops completely forgot, the late Queen Elizabeth married Prince Philip. Normals do marry Narcissists.
Hi Sweetheart Xx! Nice to see you too! I agree with you and omg their kids are soooooo beautiful and from what I saw from Shiloh and in particular Vivienne — are radiating with empathy. Brad intervened.
Jordyguin,
When I saw Brad Pitt in INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE and that scene where his character, Louis, found Claudia’s remains…the look in his eyes, the mixture of feelings…he showed emotional empathy in that scene. It was a powerfully emotional scene for me and he played it out so well…he has so much empathy that just shined in that scene. He played that character so well, his pain, anger and self loathing, Louis came alive through him, on the screen, not just in the book….that scene was painfully beautiful. Xx
@Jordyguin
I think Queen Elizabeth was an outlier. She got married to Prince Philip quite quickly following their engagement and due to her Christianity she didn’t believe in divorce. ( the New Testament allows divorce only under adultery & if you divorce for any other reason you can’t re-marry or you would be committing adultery) She was a woman of strong principles in that regard and I guess having been a normal she was less emotionally affected by his behaviour. It’s possible that if she wasn’t Queen or had different values then it may have ended differently.
@Witch and Jordy,
There are other examples of normals married to narcs but I am not at liberty to share them. It is not typical, but it does happen.
Rebecca THAT SCEEN😭😭 Oh god, that whole film OMG could it be that it depicts an accurate portrayal of narcissists! Remember the ending scene with Daniel Molloy (Christian Slater) and Lestat (TC) biting/turning Molloy and recycling the speech of “I’m going to give you the choice I’ve never had”. Woah! As if any of Lestat’s victims had a choice after he bit his target?! Woooo
Hi Witch💓 Long time no see, great to hear from you and unmissable observation! Thank you!! Yes, that makes complete sense about Queen Elizabeth!
LOL *SCENE not SCEEN… (f*ing Geyser🥹)
Hi Jordyguin,
I have no doubt that Lestat was a narc, most like a Sociopath too…,but I think Louis was geniunely empathic and it’s why he was so tortured being a vampire and having murderous urges that he tried fighting against. Xx
Dear HG,
Do you think you could do an analysis on Louis, Claudia and Lestat for Halloween? I hope you do! Xx
Thank you Jordyguin
Hope you’re well
Rebecca me too thinks that Louis is an empath and Lestat is a narcissist, probably a sociopath. Claudia was still in the making. If I remove the blood aspect as the addiction cause and think in terms of fuel and emotional addiction, then Louis would be NIPS to Lestat… Louis wants to exit the relationship but can’t because a) Lestat won’t let him go and b) Lestat made himself irreplaceable for Louis and Claudia based on survival. Their relationship was bound to exclusivity, them being the outsiders of society and Lestat was the father figure, protector, guide, manipulator.
Hi Jordyguin,
I think Claudia was a narcissistic psychopath because she enjoyed inflecting pain on both Lestat and Louis. She also manipulated them both and enjoyed the chaos she created. She had a strong sadistic streak too. She was as cold as ice and she got Louis to love her anyway.Lestat hated her and tolerated her for manipulatize purposes against Louis with his feelings towards her. I can see their relationships better now. HG has taught me so much here. Xx
I noticed that many narcissists tend to be nice in person and devaluing when not present. Or the opposite… nice on the phone but then nasty in person.
Is this something that you do Mr Tudor?
I may smear somebody when they are not present, yes. I can be nasty in person, naturally it is merited.
Mr. Tudor–
I’ve noticed something about the behaviours of those around me most frequently, and I’m not sure what to make of it, what it says about the people involved with an individual whose behaviour is problematic (has been for some for years and has caused a number to seek employment elsewhere. She is a passive aggressive bully with plenty of condescension and she’s happy to smear and smear and smear some more.) Many report the same behaviours. Many of these you describe in the excellent title: “Manipulated.” When I see the unpleasant behaviours and experience them on occasion–I would call my experience diluted from where theirs is/was. I am generally not falling under the “painted black” status. I’m not seen as a threat. My knowledge/willingness to please is something my boss uses to make herself look good.
Two former employees visit/have visited the building where I work. It is part of the nature of the work done there. They deal with my boss (whose problematic behaviours they repeatedly experienced at different levels) in very different ways. My boss behaves with great cheer when she has seen them. She seems wholly unaware that she drove these people away or treated them like garbage for a while (their words).
The first refused to be alone with her, and reacted with horror to the invite to my boss’s office to “chat.” She spent the rest of a retirement party avoiding her. Before leaving she said–“I’ve been invited to talk to her in her office, but I don’t want to do that.” The second (after at least a year at her new job) actively sought her out on visits. She told me, “I might need her on my side one day.” and “I can be two-faced.” and “She can’t hurt my career now.” Both of these people have emotional empathy. I think the first is more empathic–I would guess her to be either very strong or majority super empath–very much quickly aware of problematic behaviour and quick to stand up for herself. The second I would guess to be a normal based on the other behaviours and statements issued–very high emotional empathy for friends and family, but I observed many instances of her ignoring needs from outside that circle.
Within the work environment and assuming a MMR or UMR for these questions: (I can’t imagine many people–empath or not–returning to a work environment (when their needs can be met easily via other means) after having been the victim of a narcissist with a lower threshold on their heated fury. Not that I can imagine any of the Sussex Survivor Club wanting to be around ToW either.)
1. How do normals differ in their ability to deal with a former abuser from empaths when encountering them in a situation similar to the one described above–where it is sometime after the passive aggressive abuse has ended?
2. How do different schools of empath differ in their ability to deal with former abusers when they were in a work-related NISS situation–but still a scape goat or painted black and taking lots of passive aggressive abuse?
3. How do empaths with higher narcissistic traits differ in their response from empaths with lower narcissistic traits?
4. Do normals find certain schools of narcissist more difficult to deal with in the workplace than others?
I would find an interview/video mini series that focusses on questions about narcissists in the work place and how people deal with the aftermath when encountering these narcs either in that work place again (despite them no longer working there) or outside that workplace environment very informative. It would be completely captivating to hear more work stories from you–how you work within your team environment and rely on them when your life is at risk. I think there are those that aren’t classified that would also be quite enlightening and stimulating to learn about. If there are “Team Project” school/sports stories that you’re willing to share, that would be amazing. (I’m completely obsessed with the Educating HG. I do have questions I’m trying to organize about those.)
5. Are there three major behaviours to watch for from interviewers that would be strong indicators that a work place likely has a more narcissistic culture, despite appearing to be an environment for empaths? Where there are empaths, the narcs will flock. They need fuel, character traits, residual benefits, and control.
(Side note–I think a “Red Flag: Friendship/Neighbor/Workplace Edition” would be informative and helpful to many.)
Thank you so much for your time. I greatly appreciate all that you do for us.
Hi HG, I wondered if you have observed narcissistic families (parents) without obvious scapegoats/ GCs etc? Mine are mid rangers I believe.
I have.
I have a follow-up question Jades question:
Is it more commun that there isn’t any obvious scapegoat/golden child if the N parent(s) has only one child?
Yes.
Thank you! I thought so because one child does not provide the opportunity to create contrast in the same way.