The Eyes Have It

The eyes are one of our powerful weapons. I hear so many comments made about my eyes.
“I saw the world in your eyes.”
“Everything I ever wished for, I could see in your eyes.”
“I’ve never known anyone give much such a malevolent stare.”
“You are dead behind the eyes.”
“That hollow look you give me, chills me inside.”
“Your reptilian, empty stare always unnerved me.”
When we first engage with you, we are able to reflect back at you want you desperately want. Hope, optimism, desire and trust are all mirrored in our eyes. Do not be mistaken and think that we generate those looks. We do not. All we are doing is ensuring that you see what you want to see in order to ensnare you. This mirroring serves two purposes. Firstly, it shows you what you crave for and makes us all the more attractive to you. Secondly, it masks the empty void that truly exists. Whilst my kind and me learn how to behave and act, we mimic the way in which we are expected to respond in the most favourable manner, we do not truly feel any of those things and we cannot generate it in our eyes. Everything else we are able to simulate – the laugh, the smile, the look of surprise, the intonation of elation in our voices. We have carefully crafted these facsimiles of your emotions but managing to do so in our eyes has always eluded us. We cannot fall at the first hurdle however and have you see through our charade. Accordingly, we have managed to master the mirroring technique. You want that love and hope so badly you will see it in us when you are really just seeing yourself. We hold your gaze for longer than anyone else. You are conned into thinking this just demonstrating the intensity of our desire for you. It is not. We must look directly into your eyes to shine back at you that which you send towards us. Should we look way, the reflection may fail and we must always have you in our eye.
As with all of our pretence we are unable to maintain this deceit for long. The mirror breaks and the shards of reflection fall away leaving the chasm of emotionlessness behind. The barren hinterland beyond our eyes is all that is left, bereft of anything at all. That is why in the later stages you will see nothing when you look at us. We cannot generate those real emotions and our mirror has now failed. Our real gaze is all that is left, cold, empty and lifeless. People often remark about how the eyes are the window to the soul. Our soul left long ago and that is why you look into dead, uncaring eyes. Even though our mouth is upturned in a smile, the crows feet at the sides crease and the brow rises, our eyes betray us. Glacial and sterile they show the reality of what we are; devoid of positive emotion and spiritually bankrupt.
All that we are able to muster is hatred. Our loathing of this unjust world is so intense that it will break through when we wish to direct that hatred against you. That is when the emptiness vanishes and instead you are subjected to our laser-like, pinpoint accurate malevolent stare. I mentioned in Cookie Jar how I had practised my withering stare one summer. This is the precursor to our malice, our antipathy and our scorn. With consummate ease we will call on it to intimidate you and signal our contempt for you. It is powerful, unwavering and unsettling. To be on the receiving end of our hateful stare is not a pleasant experience. We muster such power with our eyes, to seduce you and then to break you, but the reality is that we only have three settings. The mirror, the void and the hatred. There is nothing else. That is all that our eyes have.

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14 thoughts on “The Eyes Have It”

  1. I remember those eyes… that bottomless pit that remained cold, placid, unruffled by my pain. They gleamed that night like wet black ink. The more I cried, begged, pleaded, the more the emotionless stare struck me. My scream might cause a flicker of amusement and then back to that icy stare. I finally understood darkness of the soul by looking into your abyss. You may pat yourself on the back as those eyes are the essence of nightmares. Hell itself knows that the most dangerous devil is not the one full of hatred but rather one who lacks empathy at all.

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  2. Do all Ns have reptilian eyes ? My malignant N did not, he came across as very natural and family orientated at first. We were both married. I’ve since had a friendship with a low level N who has the eyes and was likely proud of being an N. I can only describe him as more of a ‘wanna be’ N as he was so desperate to impress the bigger Ns but still attempted to use passive aggressive behaviour on me towards the end of our friendship. It was purposeful though. He also made reference to Ns a lot in the early stages of our friendship which I have taken as a ‘tell’ but from my observations he still gets fucked over by the bigger Ns.

    From your writings HG you don’t seem to bother with Ns at all ? But what about the non malignant ones ?

    Hmmm a couple of questions there and I went a little off topic.

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    1. Hi Alexis, not all Ns will have reptilian eyes some will be like mirrors. It may be that the N you experienced only saved it for certain occasions. How did you spot the Aspiring Narc as I shall call him other than the one tell you mention? It was interesting that when you mentioned him being a lesser or low level narc I was waiting for passive aggressive to appear and lo it did. This is something I explore further in some forthcoming righting linked to fury that narc’s exhibit. No, I do not bother with Ns in terms of drawing them into my sphere of influence although I do have occasional interactions with some. They would serve little purpose to me and I have not time to play games roping them in, the games must be reserved for the more potent sources of fuel.

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      1. So the aspiring N was a ‘friend’ of the original N. He chose to be friends with me. I’ll explain more another time. But by the time he chose to be friends with my I was completely healed and fascinated by Ns having done much reading so it took me a while to work him out. He ‘bombed’ more than love bombed in that he messaged me repeatedly but was dull and boring but was obsessed with me. He asked me out to lunch and offered me lifts home etc which I avoided without actually telling him no. He persisted in being my friend and was desperate to impress others and pretend there was something going on between us when we interacted public ally. I was happy to oblige because it also served my purpose and I was interested from a ‘anthropological’ perspective if you know what j mean. But he was fucking dull. Anyway after some months he messaged less then stopped altogether…… For a while. I was the last one to message to which he has not replied. When we saw each other public ally we acted as if everything was cool. Though he ignored me somewhat and spoke to others in a way he hadn’t previously. Then after a couple of months he messaged me asking me why I was ignoring him, my reply, ‘I’m not ignoring you, you must be paranoid N’. He replied with a joky response to which I ignored. When we saw each other he was desperate to speak with me etc but I just played it cool as I knew what was going on. I suspected he was from the outset purely because of the frequency of his messages. But he never tried to devalue me in the same way the other Malignant N did. Which was awful. So after more and more reading I concluded he was a ‘common gardener’. Type of narc. He also stopped liking my posts on fb and would purposely like others comments in the same thread etc but ignore mine. Knowing what I know I just found it all quite funny really and just did exactly the same back to him. I’ve never felt the need to do that before. I flirt terribly with others in front of him, including the malignant N. Now it’s all just a really fun game for me. I’m loving it tbh. I still have full empathy for those who deserve it, I wouldn’t hurt a decent person intentionally, but don’t care whatsoever for those who would hurt others. It’s quite fun because I don’t feel at all those jealous feeling they try to invoke I’m just loving it and your books have fascinated me. My MN was a goal sycophant also and literally adores all types of supply or fuel as you describe it. I’m fascinated by the fact that you don’t you’re very specific in what you look for HG.

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      2. Hi, pleased you are enjoying the books. Thanks for sharing your experience there. Do you think he might have been triangulating you with someone else, hence the need to garner your attention if not try and seduce you in a conventional lovebombing campaign. He evidently subjected you to some silent treatment by breaking off and not messaging etc. Sounds like you have seized some power through your understanding of the situation and it was interesting at the beginning that having experienced one narc you had not immediately figured out you were interacting with another. It may be the case that he was a lesser narc but I suspect you may not have been his main source of supply and he was using his interaction with you to leverage fuel from somewhere else. What do you think? Actually, I am delighted to obtain supply where I can get it, although I do focus on obtaining the more potent varieties owing to the obvious benefits. Have a read of Fuel and you will learn a lot about the approach to obtaining fuel and how we regard it in terms of quality.

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  3. Haha liking your style HG it’s a possibility I guess that I was not his main source of supply.

    The N was messaging me daily intensely for months and I am way out of his league, so for him, even to create an illusion for others that there was something going on between us would have been sufficient fuel for him. the environment I know him and the M N from is a very toxic one, with many lovely lovely people there too hence I remain, coupled with the fact that I think I like the drama. The wanna be N is not a catch but desperately wants to be like the other guys there who are all far more successful with the women than he.

    The whole M N situation is quite unique but the devalue part of it links in to why the N thought he may be in with a chance in terms of how he sucked me in but that’s definitely a story for another time or private message.

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    1. Seems to me Alexis that he was using the association with you to gain fuel and triangulate with others in an attempt to increase jealousy etc by reason of his false elevation by being linked with a more attractive prospect out of his league. This is especially so since he was swimming with the big boys. If you make contact with my FB page Knowing the Narcissist and send a message to me there, I can arrange for you to PM to tell me about M N at your convenience.

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  4. I’ve read about fuel, thanks HG. I have no doubt at all that I am high quality. Not CD quality though and through this whole experience I’ve developed a sense of self which is impervious so I’m actually extremely grateful to the MN. I never retaliated or made myself crazy thank goodness, I got out and discarded him. But he thought he would be able to gaslight me effectively and tried his hardest so that’s definitely one bit of fuel he never got from me.

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  5. Alexis,
    I’m loving your style!

    You won. And in the best way possible 😀

    Retaliation can be a risky game to play. I have seen too many try and fail miserably, only to end up completely heartbroken and desperate, dating loser narcissists just to feel a tiny bit better. Or becoming bitter, hypocritical husks, not much better than the narcissist who broke them.

    I have, however, found the most delightful fuel possible in emotionally torturing the narcissistic.

    “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference” (Elie Wiesel)
    I found this to be particularly true for my ex and several narcissistic and borderline members of my family.

    Once I figure out what tricks they are using and their insecurities, it feels heavenly to exploit them.
    Cold indifference denies them fuel and when combined with a calculated swipe at their insecurities, has resulted in everything from repeatedly jumping through hoops to try and please me and some outrageous (and hilarious) gaslighting attempts, to throwing enormous public tantrums and threats of suicide.
    The high keeps me grinning for days at a time.
    It allows me to let my sadistic side out to play, whilst being able to keep a happy, love filled marriage.

    I would love to hear more about you.

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  6. You may be able to tell I’ve recently found your site and am ferociously reading through the back catalogue. I have a question however … post discard, why would an ex IPPS acting indifferent be seen by an N as an even more enticing appliance?

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    1. Welcome on board Magic. It depends on the school of narcissist. A Lesser or Mid-Range would be wounded by this reaction and may try harder to hoover dependent on their fuel level and other considerations. The Greater would see a challenge in breaking through this indifference and gorging on the sweet fuel that awaits.

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