Who Seeks Treatment?

We do not seek treatment. The answer to why that is the case is a simple one. There is nothing wrong with us. Occasionally we may be compelled to undergo treatment but that is a different matter. We feel no compulsion at all to volunteer to be subjected to analysis and therapy because there is nothing wrong with us. Yes, we know that our treatment of other people is often unpleasant and has significant downsides to those who are subjected to it but that still does not amount to a good reason why we should seek some form of assistance. The way we behave is the way we behave. Deal with it. We cannot help but act this way because it is the way we have been designed. We must obtain our precious fuel and if that means we lash out and wound others, emotionally and physically then that it is the price that has to be paid. By you.

You must also remember that since we have no concept of empathy, when we see our behaviour injure others it does not affect us. We do not feel guilt, we do not feel shame at what we have done and we do not feel the need to put right the injurious harm we mete out to others. This is our modus operandi and it can never be changed. Add to that our lack of remorse and you have two huge reasons why we will not act to seek treatment to change our ways.

Naturally, there will be times where we will talk about seeking treatment.

“I need help, I know that now. You are the only one who can do it.”

“If I seek assistance for this terrible affliction, will you stay and help me?”

“I don’t know why I do it, perhaps I need help. Will you help me?”

“I need you. Don’t go. You have to save me from myself.”

“I will change, I will go and see somebody, just don’t leave me, please.”

These are all empty promises. Remember, words comes easy to us. We will dangle these carrots of penance and insight in order to get you to do what we want. Once that has been secured and you try to cash the cheque that we have written you will find the bank has not only been closed but razed to the ground. It is not a question of there being nothing to cash it against, there is nowhere to cash it.

Treatment is for the weak and foolish. To submit to it is an admission of weakness. In the rare instances that we will, it is only to enable us to get something else that we want or to prevent something drastic happening to us and thus we regard the pay-off as one worth making. We do this safe in the knowledge that any treatment will not be effective because:-

  1. We use our manipulative wiles to con the person treating us into concluding that there is nothing wrong with us;
  2. We spend the time trying to charm the therapist and this may work or if they are alive to our manipulation they are forced to terminate the work;
  3. We do not want to change and see the therapist’s actions as a direct challenge which we must thwart. Our energy is channelled into frustrating and defeating him or her and not applying ourselves to the treatment.
  4. We treat the treatment as a form of fuel.
This results in it being futile.
The reality is that those who engage with us are the ones that end up seeking treatment. It is most often the case that our bewildering and confusing conduct towards you has you at your wit’s end. You seek answers and if you are fortunate, you turn to a professional who is fully conversant with out kind. They are able to illuminate you to what you have endured, assist your understanding and then hold your hand as they take you through the painful and difficult extrication from our grip. You are blessed with insight from this treatment.
In certain instances, the abuse we dole out is such that it seriously damages the recipient and therefore treatment is needed to deal with the symptoms of our behaviour towards you. The ramifications for you are serious and have long lasting effects.
We do not seek the treatment. You do. In doing so this is often the first time you actually realise what you have encountered and what you have been subjected to.

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13 thoughts on “Who Seeks Treatment?”

  1. The best defense against a narc is time and actions. Observe what they do, ignore what they say. I am on several narc survivor support groups and these ladies come and say,”oh he has changed, God is surely working.” and i just reply, ” give it 6 months.” narcs cannot hide their facade for too long. Like you said, words come easy to you and your kind.
    Narcissism: the condition where a victim gets treated while the abuser lives Scott free.

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    1. Hello Mills53, you have identified the key to tackling our kind. I am just thankful that the people on the support forums you refer to exist. If they all had it worked out like you then we would be in trouble.

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  2. I think you’re probably right when it comes to the majority of narcissists. But maybe there can be exceptions to this “rule”. I stumbled upon another blog from last year, about a narcissist who claims to have “awoken”, and felt a need to change his ways/felt regret. If anyone is interested here is the address to a blog post where he praises his therapist: http://thehealingnarcissist.com/2014-10-17/a-therapist-who-can-actually-help-with-npd/ Isn’t that interesting, HG? ☺

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  3. Dr Hart must have paid that narc a whole lot of money. Or maybe Dr Hart is the narc himself. The entire article was about Dr Hart. He is the narc!

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  4. Naaw, you skeptics, you!☺ that narc actually had an entire blog about how he was healing himself etc, (from narcissism), there was only one post that was about the therapist, the rest were about the healing journey. I don’t know if the whole blog is a fake or not, but it seemed to be a real person writing it.. ☺ I will keep my small hope against all odds!😉

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  5. on a serious note… first of all thankyou for you’re amazing posts. it’s all textbook .. and exactly how I was treated for 4 years with every trick in the book tried. I have one question…. of course you feel no empathy …. but I whole heartedly loved … yes I sometimes got angry with the false promises etc but what would you feel if one of your lovers actually took there own life… so totally driven crazy etc?? iv been a long time away from this now but when I was in the depths of it this could’ve happened .

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    1. Hello Sarah, thanks for posting and the compliment, you are most kind, do keep reading and contributing. I am pleased to find it has resonated with you. How would I feel if one of my lovers took their own life? It is interesting because there are those amongst our victims and critics who think that we would get off on that happening and we would experience a real high as they regard it as us wielding such power over an individual to cause them to do this. That is to misunderstand us. There is no denying that we urge people to do it as part of our denigration of them. Saying “go on kill yourself” to somebody will prompt an emotional reaction and garner fuel for us. We do not actually want the person to do it though. How would I feel if someone did? Disappointed. I have just lost a prime source of fuel and will now have to expend energy replacing them.

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      1. That’s a frightening response from you. De-valuing life to just something that needs to be replaced. My ex told me he hoped I die when I gave birth to our daughter. We PLANNED that pregnancy, yet in a fit of anger he yelled: “I hope you DIE when you have that baby!!” Knowing full well, that I almost did die with my first. Yet you can relegate MY life as just something that would have needed to be replaced. An inconvenience.

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