Fuel is the Rule

Fuel is the very thing that I must have. It is through fuel that I function and exist. I regard all emotional energy as sustenance. A lack of emotion causes me considerable concern and this will ultimately result in my detachment and me seeking the same from an alternative and more reliable source. There are those that suggest that I derive fuel from certain inanimate objects, for instance, status symbols. I drive an expensive car, wear the tailor-made suit and live in a large house and all of that apparently provides me with fuel. It is true that we covet these things as they accord with our sense of entitlement. They also enable us to demonstrate to the wider world our success and achievement. We crave such materialistic representations of success. However, my kind and I do not desire the Rolex watch, Ipad or diamond encrusted mobile telephone in themselves. We want those items because of the responses that they create in other people.

Those who see us drive by in a Bentley convertible invariably stand and stare open-mouthed. That reaction to our prestige provides us with the fuel we need. The admiring glances that we draw when we walk through the department at work in one of our excellent suits, provide us with fuel. The compliments we receive for the style of shoes, the holiday cottage we own and the extravagant party that he have laid on are all sources of fuel to us. Inanimate objects are the platforms for the provision of our fuel. Whilst some people will marvel at our choice of motor vehicle, there are others who will express jealousy and envy. Those reactions are most welcome as well. The cutting comments that accompany a green-eyed stare are lost on us. The words evaporate because it is the emotion that is bundled up inside those words and the baleful stare that we want.

Our fascination and reliance on the inanimate object and the part it plays in the provision of fuel does not end however with what you may regard as traditional inanimate objects. The most effective inanimate object which provides us with fuel is you. How can we regard a person as an inanimate object? In the same way that the words in a scathing comment dissipate as we seize on the emotion, the identity of those providing us with fuel, slips to one side as we savour the fuel that we can extract. Those of you who we seduce and draw into our world where we can draw deep on your fuel stand to be regarded as nothing more than an appliance. We see no person. We recognise no identity. We see a machine that has one purpose and one purpose alone. The provision of fuel for us.

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86 thoughts on “Fuel is the Rule”

  1. Still see you as an ass hole nothing more than that.. no not even cause with an ass hole you can actually do something with. You and you re animal monkeys make me want to vomit. Why don’t you go blow your’re head off…

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    1. Survivor,
      You really don’t get it, do you? You are making sure your narcissist won.

      By making you this bitter, hateful creature, who spews venom online in impotent rage, he wins.
      By making you forsake your kindness, empathy and dignity, he wins.
      By making you someone who dehumanizes others and lashes out with threats, he wins.
      You are giving your ex the power without him even having to do anything and you continue being a VICTIM, not a survivor.

      It also makes you a target. You are bleeding profusely in an ocean that has many, many sharks…

      It is all too easy to act tough to a faceless man you will never meet, whilst crouching behind your computer screen.
      It will accomplish nothing except giving HG a little fuel and an eye roll. He wins too.
      Aren’t you sick of letting these men have power over you yet?

      There are some lovely people on this site who have been where you are. They can help you if you share.
      HG might provide insights into your ex’s most damaging behaviours, ways to counter them and grow stronger from what happened to you.

      I guess the question becomes, can you stop the posturing and useless venom and help yourself and other survivors instead?

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      1. Thank you Kat for reply. I am not bitter at all. And not like you describe at all I was bitter. I am not at all any more . I have a wonderful support group and new found soul sisters. I am strong enough now to not let these monsters ever get a hold of me. 39 years I would say makes me a warrior for surviving for what was suppose to kill me. If you do not like my posts do not read them. I am not a every ones cup of tea I say things as I feel them. To many people in my life kept me not to say what I feel so I am going too. I am healing and only one that had kept me alive is God above and with Him by my side I do not fear these inhuman ass holes any more. I have done plenty research and went through there torture so I am good on my way to recovery and having the life I have dreamed off. Met some awsome new people. So my apologies to you and whom my find me bitter or rude or offensive which I am not at all. I will say how I disgusting I find them and will not change. Thank you though for your kind words.

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      2. I am not dehumanizing anyone I never have in my entire life. He is not human why are you defending a non human who destroys lives and I am no creature. And believe me as I say to you now and please do take it to heart. He does not have any power over me any more and never will ever again. If you find it useless I do not. Not everyone is the same and if you think this site is useful to your recovery I am happy for you. I have plenty others that has helped me way more than this one. And I do help others more than you will ever know. Well that said we are in the same boat are we not. So by the looks of things now he is laughing at us both.

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      3. I have read your comment again Kat and it did trigger something in me. Maybe I am still angry that I did not realize it. Maybe I thought my healing was going well. I do have C- PTSD. I really do feel vulnerable after reading this again. One do have ups and downs with dealing with such horrific abuse not just from x narc but so called friends and family. One step at a time. …

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    2. Survivor,
      Thank you for your reply.

      I know that you are angry. It is understandable and I think healthy.
      I am not trying to silence you. I am asking you to use that anger constructively.
      For example, instead of spitting venom at HG about what a rat he is and how you want all our kind exterminated, why not share instead? Tell us what your ex and family actually did to you, what happened and how you are dealing with it. You might be surprised how many people can identify.
      Vulgarity doesn’t worry me one bit, as long as it is constructive. My language can make sailors blush, if it is called for.

      As for dehumanizing, please don’t tell me that this is not what you are doing after everything you have said here.
      Yes, HG does do things that many view as being evil.
      Yes, he is utterly unrepentant.
      But you are taking only a part of who he is and using it to deny him any humanity. Once you deny him humanity, then you turn off all empathy towards him and it becomes easy for you to call for his extermination.
      This is EXACTLY what the Nazis did. They stripped Jews, homosexuals, gypsies of their humanity. And it allowed them to do what they did. Because after all, if it’s just a rat, who cares what happens to it?
      This is the recipe behind pretty much every monstrosity people have done to one another.

      Whatever HG does, however flawed he is, he IS very much human. Just like you.
      If you see him as anything less, then how can you honestly call yourself an empath? It makes you even worse than he is, because whilst he may see people as appliances, at least he does not call for them to be exterminated like rats.

      Since you are an empath, I also ask you to remember that what he shares here with us is only the part of him that is relevant to educating people about narcissists and helping them survive and overcome.
      There is far more to him than this.

      I can see that you were a kind, empathetic, caring person. You were hurt badly and had your goodness used against you.
      But don’t let them win and make you into what you have shown us here.
      I hope you will choose to share and look forward to hearing more from you.

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      1. I am really really disgusted in your reply to state that he and his kind is human oh please. I did not even read further than that cause frankly I do not give RATS ASS what you have to say at all now. But thank you indeed. Do not read my posts I will not read yours at all.

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      2. There kind treats and see people as objects and you dare to tell me I deny him and his rat friends humanity. They are the Devils Advocates and evil in purest form and no I do not have empathy for these ass holes and I do not see them as Humans any more I did nearly cost me my LIFE. They are not Human not by a long shot. Shares only part of him what more is there oh please … oh probably the very ugly perverse side most of these perverts have. Please spare us that disgusting part of yourself HG… you still make me want to vomit.

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      3. My oh my, Survivor.

        You are so delusional that it would be scary if it wasn’t so sad.

        You are bitter, entitled, hypocritical and sorely lacking the empathy you claim to have.
        Even when offered help, you seem to be unable to stop throwing juvenile tantrums and posturing to appease your own ego.

        Whoever you were before, this is who you are now. Your ex would be proud of himself. He broke you pretty well 🙂

        Since you are going to continue with the venom, could you at least try to come up with interesting insults? The novelty has worn off and now I just find you repetitive and tedious.
        Cheers.

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      1. Thank you for the snotty comment. You would love me for being a waitress to You.. I assure you, you would not get out alive…… RATS like you do awaken the serial killer in me. But then again you are in your own little Hell, is that not the case? WONDER when Old Age really sets in and not even Viagra is going give you a lift? There is a Rat in the Kitchen oh what am I going to do ???

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      2. I may have made a spelling mistake but how old would you say your Emotional IQ is again….. A 6 year old tantrum throwing toddler… not a good quality to have now is it?

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      3. My IQ is high. As for my level of emotional intelligence, well, I am adept at reading people and understanding how they will react and it has served me well all this time in enabling me to achieve what I need. I have not come across any scale for measuring emotional intelligence though. I think my temper tantrums will be around the age of a ten year old, not a six year old however. A ten year old causes more damage than a six year old.

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  2. Now I’ll be humming Fuel all day 🙂

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G1cjHbXdU0s

    You and I are so similar in so many ways, yet in this we differ.

    I’m not materialistic. Designer brands, expensive restaurants, the Rolex and Bentley…to me they are slavery.

    Sure, I get that you get fuel from those who admire and want, but do you ever get frustrated with the amount of work you need to put into it and things you miss out on because of those possessions?

    One of my exes, a narcissist of means, was into the “nice” things. Rolex, Porsche, designer suits and shoes…
    He used to spend more time than me getting ready to go anywhere and entirely too much time and effort on keeping up with trends and trying to stay cool.

    He was no fun at all.
    Can’t just get in car after the beach- the evil sunscreen and sand.
    Can’t have a shag in a cemetery-it would ruin his suit.
    Everything was about his image.
    Never ending whinging.
    I called him my Precious Princess.

    He tried to get me into it. Would dress me in latest fashion and get absolutely furious (aka pouting passive aggressively, nostrils flared) as I would run and play football with my niece and nephew in the park.

    He hung around with a few like minded douchebags and a never-ending parade of boring, shallow, gold diggers. No wonder he was so empty and bored with everything and everyone.
    I dumped him after 3 months. He even asked me to marry him so I wouldn’t leave. No thank you!

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  3. You cares what you like… you piece of shit. What about… Beds are burning cause when you are old that is not going to happen very often with the lack of lifting support. What are you going to do. Until then my song would be I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU !!

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    1. I’m not sure that one scans particularly well Karen. I have written a short limerick for you though.
      Survivor often did post
      Vitriolic comments against the host
      He though it was cool
      As it provided good fuel
      So it was survivor that he liked the most.

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    1. I would be happy to. I see an appliance providing me with fuel. The characteristics and identity vanish leaving an entity that steadily becomes part of me, providing the fuel that I need.

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      1. So is it correct for me in saying.. you would see another human being like you would see a gadget or a television set?? Or a freezer like your heart ?

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      2. You are correct. We see them as appliances with one function. To provide us with fuel. You mention the television set. Have a look back through the archives and you may find Cathode Beast of interest to you. As for my heart, well one of us has to keep our cool.

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  4. Your finest piece yet. If it’s true the eyes are the window to the soul, this piece is the vision into your core being.
    Always the combustion of the energy between the two parties involved makes these relationships intoxicating (while being toxic).
    You say you see no person or recognize an identity. Yet, in your Asylum blog, each statue has a name with specific memories attached as your trophies. Is it only later, once we’re gone it all resonates?
    I had shared dozens of text exchanges with my Narc to my therapist. She said time and time again “he doesn’t see you as a real human”. Yet, when I go quiet, thinking I’m giving him what he wants, then I hear from him. Very hard for me to understand why I’m hearing from someone I have no value to.
    I suppose if we’re only an object to you, the most that can form as some kind of bond is if we provide a sense of nostalgia, i.e., spring 2013 was wonderful
    when I got promoted at work and celebrated on vacation with X. Even with objects, people have their favorites they are partial to.

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    1. Hi Clarece, thank you for the kind observation. You are correct. During the harvesting of fuel, the identity slips away. It is only later that I recall the events that appertain to those who I have interacted with. Notice how in the Asylum blog the statue is formed in a pose that reflects what I remember of them (invariably encapsulating my treatment of them) rather than remembering them for their own traits. Your therapist is correct in his or her observation. You do however have a value to us. You have a value as fuel and some of you provide higher grade fuel than others based on your proximity and the method of supply. That is why you hear from your narc. Finally, yes, even normal people have an attachment to objects. You attach a sentimental value to a photograph or a piece of jewellery. We attach a value to an object in terms of the fuel it garners. Is what you do with an object that different to what we do?

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  5. agree with Kat… All these materialistic things are so boring
    HG maybe thats the problem that you have not found the savior girl if the first things you show is your Bentley and youre suits… They go for the money and once that flow stops after bombing… They see in you nothing else…
    And Kat is right… Not all are like that. Some are very simple N’s…

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    1. Yes I agree, there are some simple narcissists out there who derive their fuel in a less ostentatious method. I ought to point out that with certain targets the materialistic love bombing often follows later, it is the charm offensive that taps into their emotional needs that usually wins the day. In fairness, although most of those I target are impressed by the material elements that is not what they actually desire nor is it why they remain, they remain because of the charm and affection I showed them and their repeated hope of attaining that once again. They remain because they want to fix things. They remain because they have created an image of how they and I should be and they will strive hard to achieve that. The materialistic items are a huge attraction to some, but ultimately they are used as devices to draw fuel, more often from friends, acquaintances and strangers. I expand on this in considerable detail in a forthcoming publication that will give you a major insight into the concept of fuel.

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      1. Yesterday I started reading chained…. Very good explanations… Sometimes I can hear R❤️ Talking…. Sometimes I felt like closing and not reading anymore as it makes me think alot. Anyway its very very good what you write there. … Sometimes too good to stand…
        Anyway what I wanted to tell you or ask you is if you have a book where you describe how girls let you down…
        Hope Kim does not let you down…. What do all these girls do to let you down.
        I did read in a blog about letting you down again but it was not so illustrating. Do you have such illustrations already?

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      2. Hi Nikita, thanks for your feedback on Chained, I am pleased you are finding it of interest. Perhaps you would post a review when you have finished the book. I am currently working on a book at present (I work on several at once) which is specifically about the partners that I have had and in that it will explain how I have been let down and what happens when this takes place. This will be precisely what you are referring to. At the moment I think I am going to call it ‘The Asylum of the Grotesque’ in tandem with the blog post of the same name. Keep an eye out for it.

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      3. Probably some do want to fix you… You must be a very interesting man ( when not in your raging mood 😂😂😂) but then you loose time with the ones that just go for the material…. I mean you loose time when you speak about finding the one who will save you… And believe me… The fuel does become scarce one day… Maybe for you its 10 years or 20 i dont know how old you are or your circumstances… But as I told you one day .. I have a PhD .., and besides the words of fuel becoming scarce are not my words… R❤️’s words and he is a sportsman who used to do catwalk in paris and other cities in his 20’s..
        Have a good nite.

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      4. Thanks Nikita, I try not to think about the advancement of age but I am some way off having to worry about waning powers just yet, so I shan’t do so and I shall keep focussed on the here and now. What is your PhD in?

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  6. HG,
    I have read so much on this subject and it seems you concor with this fuel or supply method amoungst Narcissists. Here is my question: Why is this so universal amougst Narc’s? How is it possible you all need it, feel it and see it this way, What explains that part?

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    1. Hello V and thank you for posting. There are three parts to my answer:-
      1. We need it in order to provide power to build and maintain a construct.
      2. We all need it and feel it and see it this way because the way we have developed is so similar.
      3. My publication, ‘Fuel’ which will be available tomorrow will answer all you want to know about this subject. You will find it fascinating.

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      1. Hi HG,
        Thanks for the response, I accidently posted twice, it’s my first time commenting. I look forward to your article. They are disturbing but the stuff you write helps keep me in reality. It’s effort at times to stay in reality, that little voice comes up often after long silences and hopes that maybe…. Just maybe I’m wrong and he’s NOT a narcissist after all. I slip into fantasy land. You blogs help with this.

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      2. Hi V, you are welcome. Yes it is not comfortable reading but it that is the reality (even if it is a warped one) of what is going on. Listen to your gut instinct not that little voice. I look forward to your further contributions.

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  7. Can you explain why this is universal amougst Narcs? Is it biological etc. I’d like to HOW it’s possible you could all feel this way.

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  8. Yes I will write a review although I had to buy from Kindle store which finally sent me to Amazon germany so I dont know it it will appear on the amazon GB, AU and CA that appear on yor postings…
    And look very much forward for the book on letting you down 😃

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    1. Thanks Nikita. You can post your review on any of the Amazon sites. It will show as a verified purchase on Amazon.de and just as a review on the other English speaking sites. You can post to more than one incidentally. I will keep you posted on the “letting down”book.

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  9. In the meantime I advanced in my chained readings and I have to say its interesting specially the part of how a codependant is made.. I have to keep reading to give you my opinion.., i tend to not agree to what you write but I still have to read more… Ill wait until Im finished to give you my thoughts… I dont get the part of empath and codependant. Its either or, or can you be both? According to you?

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    1. An empath can become a co-dependent yes. Some people are empathic but are not co-dependent. By their very nature, a co-dependent is empathic but a chained empath.

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  10. Thanks alot for the explanation. By the way unfortunately my PhD is not academical, I stayed one level below, but life gave me unwillingly the opportunity to have been connected to your kind from conception until today so I can give myself this tittle because of lots of theoritical knowledge + tested on my self.., im just missing a publication 😂😂😂😂

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  11. And please all of you who are so flabbergasted about my Hitler fantasy please go get a chill pill get over it. No need to impress anyone with your knowledge about Hitler. Get to the topic about the Real life Predators out there and not stuck in history that is long gone.

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  12. Harry Potter anyone and the dementors? They suck your soul , leave you weak or dead, leave havoc and desolation behind them, will hunt constantly as they need people’s souls to survive, only sustained light will defeat them, defeating them is very hard. I know it’s just Harry Potter but this analogy has given me the victim a lot of … Fuel to counter the mind games. When you see your narc just visualize a dementors instead – that will keep you in reality. (I guess one could try the same analogy with vampires – they live amongst us, appear normal but are predators)

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    1. Hi Nomore and thanks for posting. Yes, emotional vampire and personal dementor are two of the labels that I often receive. I don’t mind them so long as they are accompanied by some tears or simmering anger, it is all good fuel.

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  13. These posts have been heartbreaking to read. Just taking in and processing the different perspectives to make sense of it all. As with grief, everyone has their own way of coping and dealing with it, or not so it manifests in other ways. The devastating loss of these relationships to the Empath are compounded by realizing it was an illusion. The grieving process over this can produce a blinding fury of primal rage. Just think, if someone can feel such a hateful, vindictive rage, on the other side of that imagine the intensity of love and passion they showed the Narc that ultimately was rejected. It’s ying and yang. To have that kind of inner rage erupting can only come from an ultimate betrayal and destruction where once pure love prevailed. Breakups are hard enough when they are amicable, but add to the mix devaluation tactics, silent treatments, feeling dehumanized daily…it does forever change a person. Narcs get to have their rageful fits and get a pass simply because it’s how they are wired? But Empath’s should internalize since we’re caretaker’s? Sorry, but I see a therapist, because deep breathing, or music or hobbies just don’t make a dent with me personally in coping or processing. And to clarify, these are generalizations. I’m not defending or condemning any one in particular. I’m just taking it all in. I can only imagine what H.G.’s book on Fuel will generate in feedback if the blog did this much.

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  14. This is the first time seeing an article or blog of yours. I am completely amused, amused that I now know why I fell for a narc in the first place. The way you talk bring some flashbacks. I was left broken but now I feel nothing and reading your replies will only make me laugh at his. I know all about the fuel you need. I gave him plenty but to stop it and see him getting it so hard from someone else, it’s funny. You mentioned about loving and having luxury but not all narcs have it. There are narcs who have nothing and their fuel is getting the luxury from others as well as their empathy and codependency. They are treated with gifts and trips without affording barely anything. Are those narcs more dangerous than the ones who have luxury (like you)? My other question is The only victim that you marry, will she be the only appliance that you always try to get fuel from after every other one and consider the most important appliance of them all? (If you never remarry )

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    1. Hello YourNotAKingNarc and thank you for posting. You appear to have begun to move on since you recognise you provided fuel but you now lessen doing so or you have stopped. You mention to can see your narc obtaining fuel from elsewhere. How do you know this? Are you watching and keeping tabs on him? Are the less well-off narcs more dangerous? I suspect they are more dangerous to your finances, although that is not to say that a well-off narc won’t drain your financial resources just the same. The largesse exhibited during lovebombing will soon dry up.To answer your final question, I look to get fuel from all former intimate partners as that is the most potent, the book Fuel expands on that point. We never let go.

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      1. You say you never let go. He knows I know what he is will he leave me alone then. What are your recommendations so that he never makes contact again??He always have a way of finding me or making contact through friends. But think he is busy examining his next victim. So that keeps him away from me for now.

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      2. Hi Survivor, there are two reasons why we discard. The first is because it frees up energy to pursue a new prospect which provides better fuel than you did. As in your case, he is examining his next victim. New things are shiny and sparkling and attract us. The second reason is so that when we hoover you back in (and we will try) we get more sweet fuel. Read Fuel and you will see why we do this. As for my recommendations to that he never makes contact, you need to go no contact. It isn’t easy but if you read Escape : How to Beat the Narcissist I go into considerable detail (far more than I can in answering your question here and believe me you need to go into detail) about how we try and keep you in our grasp, so by reading about this you will be far better informed as to how to escape.

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  15. Its true the books are very detailed and illustrative and accurrate! This is why I call him the master Narc.. Im about to finish the chained book and will go for Fuel then…
    Not even Vaknin in my opinion has explained fuel so well… and the beast…
    And Waiting for the one of letting HG down…
    I have though 3 or 4 comments for Chained 😜😜
    Its true this blog is really good. I dont know how I came here some few weeks ago but I read one article and I thought wow how good… I did not know even that i had landed in a blog…… And im glad I found it. Its very entertaining also from the part of the people who comment.

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  16. Thank you for your reply. How do I get this information do I need to click on those links or buy the book cause I have tried I could not get that information which you are talking about now??

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  17. Thank you for the reply. I didn’t have to keep tabs nor do I have access. The narc himself told me how he gets his fuel. He mentioned the trips, the outings, and pictures. I know the narc’s reason for doing this was to create fuel in me by making me be outraged and hurt, it worked. Also, to show how overly happy is with his “appliance”. It’s only a matter of time that this appliance will break and move on. Thank you for answering my question, I now know the narcs never let go and that doesn’t bother me. I have gone no contact and because of my action the narc is giving me the silent treatment to see if I break. It’s all about the narc, I know. I will never be completely gone from the narc’s life for I was the only “appliance” that fell into his deceit and married and had a child with him, therefore I have the unfortunate decision to see and text (only) for contact. I am trying to be a “gray rock” , if you heard of that term.

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  18. I just purchased two books and finished Chained and the more I read, the more I understand his attraction for me and my attraction for him. But his pattern is more of mirroring the victim than love bombing because he LOVES the victim role for himself.
    He hasn’t shown any stages of anger or hoovering only silent treatment which I prefer because I have gone no contact. I thinks it’s because he has all is energy focused on his new appliance. Will me being a “grey rock” even work? I personally want to show myself again, being the shiny and radiant me, I won’t take him back so there no reason to hide and worry him trying, it won’t work anyway. I hope ” putting some further meat on the bones” doesn’t mean what I think it means. Thanks for the input.

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    1. Hi, thanks for reading the books and I am pleased that they are aiding your understanding. Yes, mirroring the victim to claim victim status is adopted by some of our kind. We all mirror/reflect (see more of this in Manipulated) because first of all we show the traits you like in order to attract you and also because we want those traits for ourselves as part of our construct. Narcs don’t do anger – anger is a normal reaction – we do fury. Silent treatment is a passive aggressive form of fury, so he is furious with you (and everything else incidentally) but this is how it manifests. He will be thinking that his silent treatment of you is causing a reaction from you and thus he will derive some fuel from it. He will hoover at some point, but I agree with you, he has his energy focussed on the new appliance. Grey work is hard but it can work. If you show indifference that drives us up the wall. Sure, be yourself, you may as well. He will come knocking though. “Putting some further meat on the bones” means adding extra detail.You are welcome for the input and thank you for posting.

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      1. Thank you for posting as well but I am pretty sure you love all the
        “Thank you” so far. Your books are helping, with a lot of reading of other articles I was able to have this “steel” voice, look, and posture as you placed in one of your books. I will continue to be myself, I know he will come knocking. I am the only ex that married Lestat and had his child as referred to extended version of himself. *Rolling eyes* but that is their state of mind and instead of getting mad, I rather not engage. I know with the preparations of your books, I will be ready when tries to come back and give him the same treatment of not noticing his existence. I will go ahead and purchase Manipulated and get back with you on a review.

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  19. I’m very curious about the actual way the fuel fuels you. For example, does it provide energy, a good feeling to you, a sense of superiority, how exactly does it fuel you?

    Next, I’m living a nightmare with a narcissist. I’m a lesbian, my wife is a greater narcissist. She left me a few more than ago. Since then I’ve had to file a restraining order (PFA here) against her. She’s done everything she can to make life hell for me since. She stole my service dog because she said her grandmpther just loves him. Not that that matters at all to me. I was denied spousal support, and I’m living on barely $8,000 a year. Somehow she keeps winning over and over. If this restraining order isn’t upheld at the final meeting, what can I expect from her? I would imagine and all-out war. I feel truly like she will do everything in her power to male me crazy, set me up to react, just to watch me take the fall. Tell me this: when we have to go to court and be in the same room, why hasn’t she even glanced at me? Why is she ignoring me right now instead of trying to pump me for fuel?

    I’m hopeful the PFA stays in place because if not, I’m dead meat.

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    1. Hello Shae and thank you for your post. Fuel makes me feel powerful, it banishes any sense of unease, it edifies and invigorates, it powers me so I can gain more fuel. In certain instances the extent and potency of the fuel has made me feel like I want to burst, that I am capable of achieving anything.

      She will use the final hearing as an opportunity to draw fuel from you, smear you and demonstrate that she has done nothing wrong and is the victim. If the PFA is not upheld then you can expect her unleashing malign follow-up hoovers against you for the purposes of both punishing you and drawing fuel from you. She will smear you as well. You need to ensure that your defences are built up whether you have the pfa or not as it is not always a given she will abide by it (see the article Showing Some Restraint).

      She has not looked at you in the court hearings so far as she wishes to convey to you that she is not bothered by what you are doing, that she regards you as beneath her and in turn this silent treatment is also about drawing fuel from you by hoping to make you feel small and miserable.

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      1. In the instances where the potency of the fuel has made you feel as if you would burst, has that been getting negative fuel (which you describe is greater) or positive fuel? Or both?
        What was happening when you last remember feeling that strong of a high?

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  20. Boss like, Do you guys leave any of your supply alone ever after the no-contact show and long silent treatments etc.? Intuitively I simply know when is the Narc I knew wants to be in contact again! It’s weird but true…or is it weird at all? Do you guys send some kind of telepathic signal?

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    1. There is no telepathy involved. There is always a risk of a hoover subject to the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria being met.

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