Chaos, Chaos Everywhere

One of the defining features of our behaviour is the association with chaos. Our arrival into somebody’s life is described as a whirlwind. We are regarded as tempestuous, a tornado and a flailing dervish. People describe how we leave a trail of destruction behind us. Reference is made to the drama and the rollercoaster ride that people experience when they become sucked into our sphere of influence. The honest amongst them admit that at the time they found this intoxicating, the excitement of wondering what was going to happen next, the thrill of the unpredictable and the allure of the heightened activity that surrounds us. Others bemoan the mayhem that occurs, the random behaviour and the lack of certainty, never mind from one day to the next, but hour to hour. People conclude that we are creatures of chaos. That conclusion is wrong.

We are ordered and methodical in everything that we do. We ascertain on a daily basis our need for fuel. We establish which sources will provide that fuel and how this will be achieved. We regulate our network of supply like a technician overseeing the electricity grid of a country. Where there is a risk of disruption to that supply we organise a contingency. Should we apply our energies to solving the disruption or should we replace it as quickly as possible? We monitor and observe to ensure that our lifeblood is supplied effectively and efficiently. We identify our fresh targets and then assiduously plan how that person will be seduced. We gather intelligence about that individual, what they like and dislike, who they socialise with, how strong their family connections are as we build up a dossier all about them. There is no random selection of our targets. We cannot leave such important matters to chance. We must undertake keen preparatory work so that when we strike we succeed and our target is ensnared. Once that person has been lured into our grasp we then structure our treatment of him or her. How might we best extract the juiciest fuel from them during the golden period? How long do we anticipate that period will last? Where else should we be obtaining fuel from during this time? What threats exist to affecting or interrupting the supply of fuel from this appliance? These thoughts and many others filter through our minds as we plan, plot and scheme.

You may think that we suddenly flip from pleasant to nasty. Yes, I will admit that that is the appearance we give when we engage such a volte face. The reality is that such a change has been carefully considered and orchestrated to achieve the maximum impact. The apparent sudden shift from calm to volcanic eruption has been calculated to bring about the assertion of our superiority, control and the provision of fuel. Our rage will spiral out of control but the unleashing of that rage was a considered act. Once the spark has ignited the flames it however there may be no telling how hot the flames will burn and for how long, but we decided to create the spark. Each word and gesture has been considered and reflected upon in order to ascertain how effective it will be in furthering our aims. We plan an onslaught of affection which appears like a sudden storm, yet we planned this dizzying and disorientating display. The sudden appearance of silent treatment and its duration has all been worked out beforehand.

The difference is that we plan everything we do before we unleash the chaos that exists inside us. The effect of our careful scheming is chaotic in nature, that is entirely true. The outcome of our love bombing is a torrent of whirling and tumbling affection. Our campaigns of mistreatment seem to burst out of nowhere, assailing you from random directions like staccato machine gun fire. We lift you up, spin you around, turn you upside down and shake you all about. It is a chaotic process but it is the outcome that contains the chaos as we unleash it from within. As Friedrich Nietzsche put it, “One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”

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39 thoughts on “Chaos, Chaos Everywhere”

  1. As I read this … strangely enough I feel nothing not even a hint of sadness or anger or any feeling at all. Would you say this a good sign of healing or was I hurt so badly that I may be dead like you inside. Cause if I look back at my life with the Devil himself the damage around me all I cared for is beyond horrific. You and your kind is Weapons of Mass Destruction. And if I could have gotten away with it. I probably could have murdered him but then again that would be to nice of me to rescue him out of the hell he is anyway being Him … being YOU.

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    1. An interesting reaction survivor. Yes we are weapons of mass seduction. Am I dead inside? Not at all. I am not big on healing and such like so perhaps some of our other posters could offer some insight here. I suspect you are most likely numb, desensitised to what you have endured. I have seen it before. It used to be known as shell-shock.

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      1. Explain to me then when we look into the eyes … we see deadness. How can you not be dead inside if you devour souls…SOUL RAPE, just to feel alive. If your not dead inside why do you need souls for fuel. You and your kind are the walking zombie’s of this decade and your kind is growing in scary numbers. You and your kind will activate a Serial killer in me for I would kill if your kind ever touches the 2 God given Blessings I have left from the horrific aftermath I was left to clean up and still trying.

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      2. Have you considered that you are looking at reflection? I do not need fuel because I am dead inside, I need fuel to enable me to attract more fuel through maintaining the edifice and to keep the beast within under control, but I am not dead inside. A forthcoming publication will tell you plenty about this to aid your understanding. Whilst we are on the point of what is inside, if you activate the serial killer in you, are you suggesting that you are already a serial killer? Or perhaps you mean the potential? If it is the former, the next knock on your door is likely to be the authorities!

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    2. Survivor you know when you have started to heal when you can think about forgiving (not forgetting), when you stop feeling anger and hate towards the person who hurt you, -anger which by the way you project onto HG when he is just enabling our education-
      Look for a good spiritual guide and start the process of forgiving and you will see how happiness comes back. All the best 😃

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  2. Mass seduction. That is true for my Devil is extremely good looking that could charm the panties of any woman. But as I look at it now He is just a little little boy trapped in a man’s body. No thank you I do not have the time for 24/7 babying. GEEZ was He just exhausting….. I have to say this though I never really like sex, I would rather go buy new shoes and then I met him. All that has changed at least one good thing straight out of hell!!! Makes me think of a song we used to listen to: Is this Heaven or Hell…

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    1. Ah yes the brilliance of the sex, gets them every time. Interesting how your narc triggered that in you when hitherto a pair of Jimmy Choos proved of greater interest. Thanks for sharing.

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      1. Gets then every time. Sooner or later that is not going to be possible with old age around the corner for all you sick ass holes. That is going to be fun. Sometimes is still cannot grasp that there is people like you walking this earth prowling on the innocent like animals
        .. just so so sick

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  3. I feel numb too, a lot of the time. I think it is a defense mechanism, cause the psyche can not process all the damages to it at once. (Usually since the damages are so extensive) In between the numb periods I can have moments of sadness, anger, etc, usually when a memory/flashback of something the narc did, pops up in my head.

    A question to you malignnarc if you don’t mind. What is it that “tells you” that you’re “alive” inside? The word alive is problematic, since it can be interpreted in so many ways. I’m just sort of wondering, cause my criteria for being “alive” inside would mean to be able to feel true joy and happiness. (And I remember you sad that you can’t really feel that. I also observed in my narc ex, that he never seemed “happy”).

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    1. Hi survivednarc and thank you for your observations about numbness. You are correct in identifying that we label being alive by a different set of criteria to you. You select joy and happiness (as examples, I am sure you will think of others too). For me, I know I am alive by the power that I feel.

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  4. No I am not nearly a serial killer I could not hurt a fly. But there are exceptions to the rule. The hatred I once felt darkened my soul, but it is not there no more. I just feel disgust and pity for your race. And God forbid that I will not see my X fuck nut very soon. And I will not make any excuse for my foul language for that is what you and Your type is.. filthy minded perverse sick bloodsucking Rats… If I could have just one wish, I would wish for you all to be in a Nazi concentration camp and me being Hitler… oh what fun that would be….

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    1. Well I never knew that my kind were a race. Perhaps you might enlighten me as to how we are a race. Given the venom you excrete do you not think that secretly you are one of our kind? Have a think about that. Incidentally, Himmler oversaw and facilitated the concentration camps, not Hitler, so in your fantasy you may prefer to put on some round spectacles, take an interest in agronomy and suffer from stomach complaints. Happy to help.

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      1. Your sarcasm and cleverness do not do anything for me except give me stomach ache and your high and mighty words you use entertains me. No I am not your kind at all I am em path who is just so sick of people like you. I can fantasize can I not and your knowledge about Hitler amuses me truly. Thank you for making me laugh.

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    2. 😱😱😱😱 i think I have to stop reading here… How can you even name HITLER???? Above I suggested you to go to a spiritual guide but now I doubt if its enough. Sorry but despite all the pain someone caused you… What you write is really disgusting…. Beyond sick… I think i have never read such hate in a posting and I was following in facebook many recovering from abuse pages… There were extremely painful stories but nobody ever wrote with such hate and venom as you do.
      I agree with HG. maybe you are a NArc and you dont know it.

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  5. Venom is putting it politely. Just been hurt by your kind one to many times. Hell freezes over for that ever happens again. But I am sure if I would have been by any means your kind damn I would be dangerous. But I would no be able to sleep. For I have a beautiful heart and soul still after savages like yourself butchered it. So how many relationships are you dangling as we speak?

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    1. If you would like to know how many people I have dangling at the moment you can read about that and more in Fuel which is out tomorrow. I am sure you will enjoy gnashing your teeth at it !

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  6. Malignarc, you are so f###ing arrogant. How dare you accuse someone who is angered by your sick pathology of being one of your kind. You pridefully talk about the sick, cruel behaviors you and your kind PLAN for the purpose if hurting others. This is enraging. It causes primal rage, which is completely normal. You are not aluve. You have no power. You xan NEVER fully control another human being. NEVER. You are Satan”s representative. This is why your eyes are DULL EMPTY. You sick f###.

    JF

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    1. Hi Janet and thanks for posting. Rage is not normal. Anger is. You may rail against my kind and me and feel free to do so but I know the power I exert as I see it in action, every day. Your opinion is always welcome though. PS It is “proudly”.

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    1. Hi Janet, they are posted now. The Insult-o-meter exploded on your previous post and I have just been fixing it. Survivor and you have been putting it through its paces.

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  7. OMG! We need some levity here! I say every time the word “rage” is typed on here, we all take a shot! Can turn this blog into a drinking game to lighten the mood!
    Cheers!

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      1. Primal rage is a normal response to abuse. It must eventually be properly channeled. Prideful is the word I meant to use. You can never completely control another adult human being. The person can leave and usually does, albeit much too late. The person can agree with you but do something different without you ever knowing. So you, Malignarc, delude yourself on control issues, as with nany other things. How can one lighten up with a narcissiat? Ha! -What a joke. As well, I have read that those not angered by their abuser (abuser type in this situation) are the people who usually repeat the experience. Never gonna happen with me! Lastly, please do not attenpt to correct my words, Malignarc. They are my words, not yours.
        JF

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  8. Nikita get over the comments about Hitler and concentrate on the topic of real disgusting predators who boasts about destroying lives. Wake up and smell the coffee or Bullshit which ever one you prefer.

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  9. Hi survivor
    I think the one who is not being focused here is you rather than me but lets go by pieces. Its true that you shocked me with the Hitler sentence … I live 2 km away from the German border and many German friends , family and your message came across like you would actually agree so much with Hitlers holocaust that you would find if funny to repeat it with Narcs.
    Anyway its okay I dont care but just as a suggestion try always to be diplomatic in your communication.
    On the other side we all, but I will speak about me, am surrounded by narcs. Small boss, big boss, working colleagues, family members and friends and my current relationship, I have them in every sphere of my life and I can tell you some can be great people when they want. Narcissm is a spectrum like autism and they are all different in a way. In addition if you read Vaknin you will see that some have comorbid disorders like ASPD, OCD, BPD and or paranoia etc so it can never be the same.
    On the other side Survivor, this is a learning blog, I come here to read, analyze and learn. How is HG suppossed to give us knowledge if not by writting what he writes? Or should he write about nice things? So yes for me this is coffee, in fact I read in the mornings while drinking my coffee😃. And if HG would live here I would invite him for a coffee and the best swiss chocolate in front of one of the stunning beautiful swiss lakes ( he is a narc and narcs you have to treat the best way when you want something from them) to ask him 100 question more on narcissm. He has the knowledge and you should also profit of this to learn as much as you can about narc behaviour. I suppose you want one day to find a lovely man and remake your life and the only way you will avoid falling prey of one is with this knowledge.
    I wish you can one day recover from all the pain you went through and learn to forgive and find inner peace and happiness again. 🙏🏻

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    1. I can taste the empathy from here in this great post. I am booking a flight for that chocolate and the view (as long as the view doesn’t put me in the shade of course!) I am always happy to answer questions, I enjoy the interaction and as you identify it is about learning from what I write. It isn’t comfortable to read but then most medicine does not taste pleasant.

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    2. Hi Nikita … thank you for your kind reply. I did not expect it at all. Just as one think your feeling good and want to take on the world then my eyes fill with tears and my whole body starts shaking and you think how can I have any more tears and this pain lingering to come out again. When will this ever end. He took everything from me I have no one. And I am good looking great personality, compassion all those nice sparkling gems these predators love. But I have changed so profoundly sometimes I look in the mirror and think who is this person looking back at me. I have grown, I have set boundaries, no contact, still have the fighter spirit in me since I was a little girl. My mother died at age 39 for my father is a abusive ass hole and is still alive I never thought I would see 39 bit I did also die inside and God kept me alive no one else cause I wanted to go be with her pain was just to much. Then I saw my daughters beautiful face and I fought to just keep myself alive for I have to be there for her and not leave her like my mom did cause she could not take the abuse any more. So I became stronger wiser for these predators are all around and I will educate her so she would never have to go through what my mother and I went through EVER !! so yes I think my anger and hatred is still there but not as bad as it used to be. Taking one step at a time. Thank you Nikita God bless. 💞💞💟

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  10. Dear HG
    LOL of course a deep blue lake with the snowed alps behind them, is not enough to put you in the shade! Its HG !! The master Narc 😃 with power from all the knowledge!
    And me the empath/codependant. 😂😂 …
    I guess you would win again
    Have a good day ☀️

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  11. Survivor
    We have gone all through alot of pain because of Narcs in our lives, but to hate is not the solution. In fact recovery starts with forgiveness believe me. Ive also shed 1000000 tears…. But with forgiving and education and understanding and good friends hopefully you will be on track.
    God bless you too. 💝🙏🏻

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  12. Sorry to bother you…I’m just curious but I wanted to know does your kind have a tendency to engage in any form of witchcraft, spiritism, or any forms of Demonic activity? Mainly to gain power and have control over the people you come in contact with. I have quite a few of your kind in my family as well as former friends and it seems like strange things arises and occurs when it comes to them. Thank you for your response because it helps me to gain insight.

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    1. Hello Profilelow, I have not engaged in such behaviour but I know that there are those of my kind who do. We all have different interests. The main way of course to gain power is to gain fuel and that means prompting reactions from people. Using witchcraft etc may be a method of prompting a reaction (You performed a ritual to grant you power over me, that’s horrible!) and thus gaining fuel.

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  13. As a survivor of two narcissistic marriages and divorces, I can’t help but feel great sadness and pity for your kind! How does it feel, having such an inflated ego, to know that most people who have figured your kind out have no use or feeling for your kind in any capacity whatsoever, you don’t even exist in our worlds, your just a ghost that passes through this life. I guess you deserve a little credit for trying to explain this sad phenomena, narcissism?

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    1. Hello Prettygood, and thank you for the “little credit” . If you work us out and feel as you describe then as written today, we will devalue you and if you evade the effects of that somehow we will move on to someone else, but the desire for revenge and retribution is never far away.

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