One of the defining features of our behaviour is the association with chaos. Our arrival into somebody’s life is described as a whirlwind. We are regarded as tempestuous, a tornado and a flailing dervish. People describe how we leave a trail of destruction behind us. Reference is made to the drama and the rollercoaster ride that people experience when they become sucked into our sphere of influence. The honest amongst them admit that at the time they found this intoxicating, the excitement of wondering what was going to happen next, the thrill of the unpredictable and the allure of the heightened activity that surrounds us. Others bemoan the mayhem that occurs, the random behaviour and the lack of certainty, never mind from one day to the next, but hour to hour. People conclude that we are creatures of chaos. That conclusion is wrong.
We are ordered and methodical in everything that we do. We ascertain on a daily basis our need for fuel. We establish which sources will provide that fuel and how this will be achieved. We regulate our network of supply like a technician overseeing the electricity grid of a country. Where there is a risk of disruption to that supply we organise a contingency. Should we apply our energies to solving the disruption or should we replace it as quickly as possible? We monitor and observe to ensure that our lifeblood is supplied effectively and efficiently. We identify our fresh targets and then assiduously plan how that person will be seduced. We gather intelligence about that individual, what they like and dislike, who they socialise with, how strong their family connections are as we build up a dossier all about them. There is no random selection of our targets. We cannot leave such important matters to chance. We must undertake keen preparatory work so that when we strike we succeed and our target is ensnared. Once that person has been lured into our grasp we then structure our treatment of him or her. How might we best extract the juiciest fuel from them during the golden period? How long do we anticipate that period will last? Where else should we be obtaining fuel from during this time? What threats exist to affecting or interrupting the supply of fuel from this appliance? These thoughts and many others filter through our minds as we plan, plot and scheme.
You may think that we suddenly flip from pleasant to nasty. Yes, I will admit that that is the appearance we give when we engage such a volte face. The reality is that such a change has been carefully considered and orchestrated to achieve the maximum impact. The apparent sudden shift from calm to volcanic eruption has been calculated to bring about the assertion of our superiority, control and the provision of fuel. Our rage will spiral out of control but the unleashing of that rage was a considered act. Once the spark has ignited the flames it however there may be no telling how hot the flames will burn and for how long, but we decided to create the spark. Each word and gesture has been considered and reflected upon in order to ascertain how effective it will be in furthering our aims. We plan an onslaught of affection which appears like a sudden storm, yet we planned this dizzying and disorientating display. The sudden appearance of silent treatment and its duration has all been worked out beforehand.
The difference is that we plan everything we do before we unleash the chaos that exists inside us. The effect of our careful scheming is chaotic in nature, that is entirely true. The outcome of our love bombing is a torrent of whirling and tumbling affection. Our campaigns of mistreatment seem to burst out of nowhere, assailing you from random directions like staccato machine gun fire. We lift you up, spin you around, turn you upside down and shake you all about. It is a chaotic process but it is the outcome that contains the chaos as we unleash it from within. As Friedrich Nietzsche put it, “One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”