A Book Inside

I enjoy reading and I enjoy the ability of a book to tell me much about the person that I am interacting with. I must admit that I when I undertake my preparatory work on a target I do like to ascertain that they enjoy reading. If it is not high on their list of priorities it is not a deal-breaker of course, but I will not afford them the status of an intimate partner. I may allow them to become an inner circle friend but their lack of a love for books and reading does prevent them from being granted that ultimate status. Naturally, keeping them at a degree of distance does make them try all that harder and thus the fuel flows but I cannot allow them to become an intimate partner. Those positions are reserved for others and all of them must have an interest in books. You see, it is through understanding their favourite books that I am able to gauge more about who they are, what their desires are and what their weaknesses are likely to be. The insight provided by their reading list gives me all manner of information on which to found my planned manipulations. It need not be all of a certain genre, indeed, that is rarely the case. Those that read invariably have a wide-ranging list of favourites and that is all the more appealing. The book is such an attraction as it provides a basis for discussion, debate and comparison. One can spar over the interpretation one might afford to a particular tale or a character that appears within it. The speculation that presents itself over what one character might have done if circumstances had been different, is interesting and fascinating. Of course being able to engage in a topic that my target enjoys allows me to hold forth and have them admire me with their rapt attention.

When I invariably gain access to the residence of my target I like to peruse their bookshelves or even better still their study or library. As I glance across the titles and authors’ names I begin to gain a better understanding of who my quarry is and in turn I can shape the manner by which I shall seduce them. They love words in the printed form and I shall give them words, lots of beautiful, enchanting and seductive words that will be poured like honey into their ears. I am always pleased when I see that many of my target’s books bear evidence of frequent reading. To my mind, books should not be kept in a pristine condition but they should bear testament to the fact they are merely a conduit for the ideas and stories inside. I like to see dog-eared books, the spine cracked and with well-thumbed pages, annotations next to certain paragraphs and the ringed stain from a mug of tea or coffee. All of this points to my target having a great desire for books and words and this pleases me considerably.

I always enjoy picking up one of their books and holding it with the spine in the palm of my hand. It will invariably open at the sections that contain the more salacious elements for that is where the reader has dallied and kept the book open. It works every time. I balance the spine in my hand and wait a second as the book falls open with the pages huddled together exposing two or three separate sections as ones that have been repeatedly read and where the book has been flattened and held open as the reader has hovered over the paragraphs within. Usually the content is of the sexual kind although not always and may just be a favourite passage. Either way I am given further insight into what stirs my target.

Thus the collection of books of those I engage with is of particular interest to me and moreover I always invite them to tell me of their ten favourite books. They are usually novels but need to necessarily be so. I always ensure they tell me ten, they never fall short and try and squeeze in one or two extra but that is not permitted. It must be ten. Ten books that I commit to memory. Ten books that if I do not know any of them, I ensure I know of them. Ten books by which I gain insight deep into the being of the person who stands unwittingly in my crosshairs. The detailing of this list gives me a gripping and constructive look inside. Now, tell me which books are in your list.

83 thoughts on “A Book Inside

  1. Gypsy Heart says:

    Yes, yes, the graphics. If I had this I would never need another man ever again! Or a real life person, just my dm pen pal, phone conversations with my best girlfriend and my daughter.It would be just like when I was a girl. Me my books, my beagle hound and Susie Q my cat walking through the woods and the river in my back yard, and the pony I discovered in the woods!

    My best friend and I were just describing our cabins in the woods the other day. I told him mine would have a bedroom on the second floor with a wall full of books in front of it just like this but much smaller with a catwalk and sitting area overlooking the living room and two story windows and the beautiful built in wooden bookcases would be full of all the classics.

    Sometimes I get a little creeped out thinking HG hired my ex husband to be his graphic designer.

  2. Asp Emp says:

    “People are like books: some deceive you with their cover and others surprise you with their contents.” (Anon)

    1. JB says:

      Asp Emp,

      I love this quote! ❤

  3. Joa says:

    I’ve read tons of books. Literature was my second parallel life.

    I haven’t read a single novel in 18 years. A multi-page list of books to read for the rest of my life, with hundreds of titles by country and later by chronology, lies behind the books in my library. For 18 years I have not deleted a single titles from it. Along with the list is “Doctor Zhivago”, divided in the middle by a tab – unfinished for 18 years.

    18 years ago I met N2. Everything else ceased to be important, it ceased to taste and attract.

    He turned out to be the best novel I could dream of…
    Thousands of colors and flavors. It connected and spliced ​​my two parallel lives together. I was, we were characters in the book.

    Two volumes. Two completely different literary genres. A beautiful, multi-threaded and extensive epic, and later a crime-adventure novel with elements of eroticism and romance.

    I still want to check out what the third volume would be…

    I suspect it would be just plain kitsch.


    Indeed, to list 10 beloved books is like revealing yourself in full. I especially loved the multi-volume family and historical sagas with many characters and and psychological features.

    There is only one queen of all novels. Banal and very famous. I will not give a title. In fact… its hero is for me the ideal of a man in many respects.

    1. njfilly says:

      I did a lot of reading in the past. Novels too, but mostly books on a multitude of topics. I know people enjoy their books, not only reading them, but to feel them in their hands, and for me, to smell them. To spend time with them like they are a beloved companion. I spent many Saturdays at the library browsing the different topics, and I had my favorite reading nooks. The librarians knew me. I also enjoyed going to bookstores and making lists for which I would purchase later. Anything to get away from my parents’ dysfunctional home.

      I need freedom from attachment to things and people. I recently, approx. three years ago, gave away almost all the books in my house. I think I may still have some books in my parents’ attic, but most of the books in my bookcases I removed. I kept only a couple chicken books and some dog agility books. I hope to get involved in that again one day.

      Many of the books I had given away were reference books related to horseback riding in various disciplines, farming and animal husbandry, as well as breeds of different animals. Beautiful books with beautiful photos. I gave them all away.

      My mother (a narcissist) always had classical literature, as well as classical music in the house for us. I was interested in the literature, but my father’s presence turned me away from it for reasons I no longer remember. Even so, I was more drawn to the music. I grew up listening to classical music and that had a positive impact on my life. I thank my mother for that. It must have been her attempt to bring some culture into our oft-pathetic home, and it worked to some degree. I was the first flute with piccolo in the marching band, jazz band, and the orchestra. I spent countless hours hiding in my room practicing, so I deserved that spot.

      I feel very weighed down by the physical world. I don’t like my mind and my home cluttered with things. One third of the remaining books in my home now are HG Tudor books. This being more a statement about my lack of books. Another thing that is missing from my home, recorded music, and movies. I didn’t have much anyway, but I gave them all away. Music I can access anytime through the various musical platforms. The only movie I kept was Avatar blue ray collectors’ addition. I don’t even have a blue ray player, but the movie is special to me, so I keep it for sentimental reasons.

      I am sad to know I can never be the IPPS of HG Tudor due to my lack of books.

      1. A Victor says:

        Oh dear, no NJFilly, be glad for that fact at the end!!

        1. njfilly says:

          Sorry AV, I was being sarcastic. I guess I should have clarified.

          I was just reminiscing. I enjoyed reading very much, but I needed to purge my life for various reasons, and there is some melancholy attached to it,

  4. JB says:

    Just wondering what you would do, HG, if you were perusing your target’s bookshelf and discovered lots of HG Tudor books on there! It would be quite an interesting experiment, seeing if she heeded the advice she had been given by you, or whether she was still able to be reeled in!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Lick my lips and ask the target what she thought of this particular author.

      1. JB says:

        You wouldn’t give up then, HG?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          In relation to what`

          1. JB says:

            Sorry, forgot you couldn’t see the original comment to which my question referred! I originally asked what you would do if you were perusing a potential target’s bookshelf and saw lots of HG Tudor books on it. You replied that you would lick your lips and ask what they thought of this particular author. I then asked ‘You wouldn’t give up then?’, as I thought maybe you would realise at this point that to continue to pursue this particular target may end up being somewhat fruitless. I was intrigued to know if you would think ah bugger that, or whether you would see it as some kind of challenge instead!

          2. HG Tudor says:

            It would present as a challenge JB. After all, you can buy all the kit but that does not automatically make you a top footballer.

          3. JB says:

            “After all, you can buy all the kit but that does not automatically make you a top footballer.” – Good point , HG. It’s a bit of a dilemma, though. On the one hand, you would want them to fail and fall for your charms; on the other, you would want them to spot the signs (having read and digested your work), and refuse to be taken in. I guess either way is a win for you!

    2. Joa says:

      I think he would have sucked her in easily – like most N.

      She could only open her eyes faster and run away.

      1. JB says:

        Yes I think you could be right there, Joa.

  5. Asp Emp says:

    It is a lovely, lovely night, the full moon, no breeze, not cold outside, quiet, peaceful, calm. It is so, so nice, to be free of the past…..

    Thank you for everything that you have given me the power to do and be.

    I am a New Book Inside. That is the most wonderful gift I can ever achieve just because I was given the key to do so.

    That in itself, is unmeasurable.

  6. Null says:

    1. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD: Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence
    Alice Miller

    2. A Great Love
    Allexandra Kollantai

    3. Quantum Computing Since Democritus
    Scott Aaronson

    4. Mostly Harmless of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Series
    Douglas Adams

    5. The Origin of the Family, Private Property, and the State
    Frederick Engels

    6. Settlers: The Mythology of the White Proletariat
    J Sakai

    7. The State and Revolution
    V I Lenin

    8. Revolutionary Suicide
    Huey P Newton

    9. The Prince
    Niccolò Machiavelli

    10. The Art of War
    Sun Tsu

    I really wanted to include Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes but I couldn’t cut anything to fit it.

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Null, thank you so much for the information on the books. It made for interesting ‘research’ and, for me, some further insights into some thoughts of these authors and other subjects.

      # 1. Reading about Alice Miller was really interesting. In fact, it is fascinating reading. She wrote “For twenty years I observed people denying their childhood traumas, idealising their parents and resisting the truth about their childhood by any means”. In my view and from what I have learned via KTN / HG’s work / my own reading – this comes across typically as ‘avoidance’ coping strategy, OR, these victims not having been given the ‘tools’ to ‘unlock’ their past. Alice Miller’ own ‘mindset’ changed because she understood and recognised that some of the ‘methods’ used by experts in psychology were not working for victims who had been ‘conditioned’ to ‘think’ otherwise. In my view, partly because of the-then-society’s own ‘blindness’ (blinker-wearers) to really look at people as individuals but ‘chose’ instead to view people as sheep with no feelings.

      # 4. What Douglas Adams had to say (in an interview) when he wrote the 5th book in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series was interesting. In my view, he was trying to ‘distract’ himself from what he was experiencing at the time of writing, of which, I can relate to and understand.

      # 5. Upon reading about this book, I came across what recent evolutionary biologists had to suggest on ‘Matrilineality’ made me think of the meerkats and how they ‘operate’ their ‘clans’ and their territories.

      # 8. Wow. Still gaining new knowledge about aspects of history and reading a bit about the background of the ‘Black Panther Party’ was interesting in how some changes ‘manifested’ during the existence of this group.

      All in all, I found myself thinking that despite as such ‘people power’, there are so many, possibly too many, variations of social power ‘groups’ within humanity and because of this (in my view), it can be a hindrance to, for example, the world’s ‘cohesion’ on effecting changes to slow down the affects of Global Warming / Climate Change. It may appear as a pedantic view for me to suggest that despite the scientific evidence of Global Warming, there are probably too many political / revolutionary ‘groups’ for such ‘cohesion’ to work because of the barriers ‘imposed’ and caused by some of the social classes ie those with authoritarian and / or financial ‘power’.

      Another prime example, dare I suggest, is the (current and future) prices of fuel in the UK impacting on the people within the “lower” parts of society where they may ‘make noises’ about such matters but yet are not given the ‘power’ to enforce change for the better for either themselves, or humanity as a whole. In this alone, there will be a much wider ‘division’ among the different levels of classes of humanity. Just because those in governments may not necessarily be ‘affected’ directly, they do not experience it, they may be too ‘distanced’ from the reality of those that live in the ‘separated’ social ‘groups’, especially in the poorer parts / areas.

      There are many examples, many.

      So maybe, just maybe, there was something in what someone suggested about the people ‘becoming more narcissistic’ only because of the environmental impacts where people may be forced to become more selfish in order to survive in life.

      In some ‘warped’ view, is the evolution of humanity ‘reversing’ back into primal times but with so much psycho / power ‘manipulation’ (effectively, “babble”) causing more ‘obstructions’ in the progresses and processes of life on earth to the point of total destruction by ‘imploding’ into itself?

      It may seem a crazy suggestion, I wonder if the non-human life, the ecological fauna and flora in earth would eventually be the ones to actually ‘learn’ from in the future in order for humans to survive?

      It is not as if the earth can be ‘razed to the ground’ to start all over again, is it?

      I apologise profusely for the extremely long comment, HG.

      1. Null says:

        There is hope yet to reversing climate change. I see this in gene editing/bioprogramming via crispr cas9, essentially bioengineering a solution to atmospheric carbon. I think if humanity can unite together we can accomplish anything. Gaining the ability to change even our DNA is a power i can only really describe as godlike. I would point to the sudden death mosquito as a prime example.

        Secondly, I would consider criticality and state-changes as reasons to not just remain hopeful, but assured of our success. As Lenin described, dialectical processes go little by little, then all at once. It takes about as much energy to bring water from boiling temperature to its freezing temperature as it does to actually freeze it once it has reached freezing temperature. It will not go below it’s freezing temperature even tho you have continued to expend energy and continuously cooled the water by removing energy from the system containing the water. However, suddenly, and with some added disturbance or jolt, an ice crystal forms. And this causes a chain reaction in which that crystal’s formation disturbs the water around it enough to also cause it to crystalize, and often bond to that crystal (however topological defects can sometimes prevent the crystalline structure from forming perfectly). So too does this happen in human society thruout our history as seen in revolutions.

        I believe that the secret to healing this world lies in what Alice Miller taught us when she chose, as a survivor of the Holocaust, to empathize with Hitler. Every human being was born into this world perfect. I believe every human being remains so. Starting from this assumption allows one to empathize with and love anyone. Batterers, Liars, Criminals, Thieves, Rapists, Pedophiles, Murders, Mass Shooters, Terrorists, and yes, even Hitler.

        Thank you for your very thoughtful reply, Asp.

      2. Null says:

        “It may seem a crazy suggestion, I wonder if the non-human life, the ecological fauna and flora in earth would eventually be the ones to actually ‘learn’ from in the future in order for humans to survive?”

        I would argue that this is exactly true as crispr cas9, the protein responsible for enabling gene insertion, deletion, and editing, was found in bacteria, the oldest and original form of life on this planet. And then there’s viruses.. and we have only just begun to understand those. But recent evidence points to viruses as the building blocks for life & mutations, and they likely predated life itself. The vast majority of viruses have no genetic similarity or connection to any life on earth and viruses can be found everywhere, and are present in large numbers in even our most upper regions of our atmosphere (what we would consider outer space).

        I believe our survival will be an effort that will involve all life, with humans as the executive (altho I imagine humans as a category will become obsolete with the transhumanist advent of gene editing). We need to understand ourselves as not being above other forms of life, but as the custodias and brain of life with all life on earth as the super-duper organism (relating to eusociality e.g. ant colonies as super organisms). Our brain does not oppress our bodies, but is the centralized executive intelligence for ensuring its survival. So too must we be for life.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Null, thank you so much for your responses. They made for very interesting reading and brain-cell expansion 🙂

  7. D says:

    currently reading Mating in Captivity (Perel), Language at the Speed of Sight (Seidenberg), and re-reading Orwell’s 1984.

  8. K says:

    1. The Count of Monte Cristo (2x) and Pride and Prejudice (5x)
    2. The Painted Bird
    3. Leningrad: State of Siege
    4. Imagining Argentina
    5. Pillars of the Earth (6x)
    6. A Walk in the Woods
    7. White
    8. Dracula (2x)
    9. David Copperfield
    10. Dead Wake

  9. Witch says:

    Nights at the circus, the house of the spirits, Lolita, titus groan/gormenghast, mademoiselle de maupin, tipping the velvet, wuthering heights, the colour purple, the handmaids tale

    I’ve slowed down a lot on my reading, what do you recommend?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Several of your reading choices there of which I approve.

    2. ThePolicyOfTruth says:

      I have an author acquaintance who has a book which reminded me a little of Gormenghast. Worth a read if you’re looking for some new material, Witch. You can find it on Amazon (Greaveburn by Craig Hallam).

  10. kel says:

    Lol, my daughter is an avid reader and will carry a kindle in her purse and also a hard-or paperback book too, and listens to audiobooks in her car to get through traffic. She and her husband always give a physical book as one of their gifts to each of us at Christmas. She takes her kids to the library regularly to check out the books they read at night, and the school Scholastic book orders are a joy. Stephen King always carries a book with him to read while he’s standing in a line.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Then your daughter will go far.

  11. Taryn says:

    What if they don’t have a physical library? Some people prefer instead to keep their books on a tablet (that would be me). Upon not finding a book case filled with books, do you assume they don’t share your love of reading? Do you seek access to their electronic collection of words? Do you ask why there are no physical books? Is it an issue if there are no physical books upon which to perform your tests? Honestly, in this day and age, I’d think keeping a physical collection of books/library to be cumbersome and unusual since you can store so many books on a tablet and not take up all that space.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have yet to come across someone who has no physical books in their home who is an avid reader.

      1. Taryn says:

        That’s interesting, yet we do exist. Besides, I didn’t say I have no physical books at home. However the vast majority of mine are on my tablet.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do not dispute the existence Taryn, I stated I had not come across any.

          1. Taryn says:

            Understood, HG. Thank you 😊

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

      2. emc2gion says:

        The problem being storage, if I had my way ceiling to floor in shelves throughout. The smell of books is enticing too, a firm reason I believe the smell and tactile touch, books will never fade completely in regards with the battle of technology. When I am forced to cull, I feel sorry for them and must find them decent homes. My favourites include The ringing cedars of Russia (series), The Alchemist, The Little Prince, Wuthering Heights, Clan of the Cave Bear, Lord of the rings Trilogy, one of my editions comes in one book, April Fools Day, By the river Piedra I sat down and wept, Window, Women who run with the wolves.

  12. ThePolicyOfTruth says:

    This was an interesting blog post (I’m working my way through your old posts in chronological order, as well as trying to keep up with your new ones.)

    I must say I agree with you on the importance of reading. I have written three novels so far (a modest number I know) but I’m itching to finish my series and get the last two written, and then move onto other genres. It’s a matter of time constraints.

    Onto my ten favourite books by other authors.

    -The Celestine Prophecy series by James Redfield. (TCP, The Tenth Insight, and The Secret of Shambala. So three books.)

    – The Portable Door by Tom Holt

    – I realise it’s a children’s book but The Neverending Story by Michael Ende is probably the greatest children’s book ever written.

    -How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie (A bit clichéd I suppose but a good read nevertheless.)

    -Lord Of The Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien (I shall consider this to be one book, for the sake of argument, rather than three.)

    -Angels In My Hair by Laura Byrne.

    -No Damage by Kathryn Hodgson. (An indie author, and a self-published autobiographical book, but one of the most inspiring I’ve read to date.)

    -The Book Of Questions by Gregory Stock.

    Voila. Make of that what you will.

  13. KASI says:

    I read
    Robert D. Hare – Without conscience – The disturbing world of the psychopaths among us. Very interesting book.
    I read books about human brain, psychology etc.
    I don’t read books about love or sex (for example 50 shades of Grey) I find it dull.
    It is better to read something that will help us in the real life.

  14. Sophia says:

    My favorite book is The Catcher in the Rye. The Devil in the White City was awesome. I gravitate mostly towards true crime stories. In general, I love a good book and thought I’d share my passion with my ex mid-ranger and let him borrow “I Heard You Paint Houses.”

    What sparked my desire to share? Within two weeks of knowing him he suggested I read Melody Beattie’s Co-dependent No More. He owned around 10-15 self-help books and nothing else. He claimed to be a former co-dependent. I figured as long as her was sharing, so would I. 😀
    He fits every description of a mid-ranger with a mix of somatic and victim traits. I always found his book collection to be interesting. One time he said, “If I died and a stranger saw my book collection do you know what they’d think of me? They’d think I was nuts.” I replied, “well we know you’re not.” I was honestly surprised by what he said.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts.

  15. susan says:

    book list, hmmmm, Dostoevsky crime and punishment’s right up there, as is Will Self’s my idea of fun, thoroughly enjoyed the discworld books and some Jeff Noon (Vurt/Pollen), Irvine Welsh is always entertaining, Marabou Stork Nightmares is a particular favourite by him, Nick Cave’s and the ass saw the angel’s a good one, as is Iain banks’ the wasp factory (those two remind me of each other), residual bit of Sylvia Plath (bell jar) from my youth, maybe with a bit of Camus (stranger) chucked in for added cliche. is that ten? must be close?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do like Irvine Welsh and MSN is an entertaining read. Filth is a favourite of mine. I enjoyed the film although I had hoped Dougray Scott would have played Bruce Robertson. Iain Banks is an excellent author.

  16. Kat says:

    HG, now you are starting to remind me of Henry Rollins:


    I adore Rollins, so consider it a compliment.
    “I want me one of ’em readers, is what I want.” 😉

    I have a feeling you would have liked my book collection. Everyone who enters my house remarks upon them.
    Funniest thing is that I almost never buy new books and love to hold the spine and see where they will fall open to as well. Never knew anyone else who did that before now.

    Wonder if you would be able to predict what kind of books someone favours from the information they already provided you?
    See if you can guess mine.

    I already mentioned my love of de Sade and John Douglas.
    Also, I am a nurse and have some beautiful (if somewhat disturbing) medical books dating back from early 1900’s.

    1. malignnarc says:

      He is a talented fellow is Rollins so thanks for the compliment. Let me have a think about which books you might like. Are the medical ones anatomical in nature or linked to psychology? Where is your book collection kept in your house, is it oneplace or scattered throughout. Is there a book on your nightstand now?

      1. Kat says:

        My books are all throughout the house. There are shelves full of meticulously organised first editions and delicate vintage books, stacks of paperbacks leaning against the wall in the spare room…one particular book that I could never finish sitting on a shelf in the bathroom. Some order, some chaos.

        I got a couple of those Kindle type readers as gifts too. Sure, they are convenient, but I could never get into them. There is no smell to them. No feel. No history. Takes too much away from the experience for my liking.

        On my nightstand now is a book of fiction that I am enjoying immensely. The author was also responsible for a fantastic British series. Guess one of my favourites correctly and I’ll tell you which one 🙂

  17. MLA-Clarece says:

    I did read “American Psycho” years ago. My heart dropped at your mentioning of it. I still remembering shuddering at parts.
    A top-shelf, favorite read from my past, “The Theatre of Tennessee Williams, Volume 2″, in particular for ” Summer in Smoke” and “Eccentricities of a Nightingale”. Familiar at all with either of those?

    1. malignnarc says:

      Hi Clarece, I know the author but not those particular works. Why do you like them?

  18. Nikita says:

    laurel must be beautiful what you weave in the quilts 😃😃. Mine would have all the animals of the earth ❤️.
    Im sorry for how much you suffered 😓…
    Its so sad how so many dreams got smashed ny the narcissist we once loved…
    HG. it was my fathers dream that I speak many languages so I do. I understand also German and Swiss German but speak a mixture of the two. Never had time to go to German school and learned it on my own.
    Would have been nice to speak Italian but ai guess if having time for a language would be to learn to speak 100% proper German like my N ex-husband always Insisted I do, but never helped at all to enable I go to German school.
    I speak all 4 languages every day as I work for a multinational company but I could also get along with only English.
    I also work on the medical area on the Pharma side.
    My favorite language to read is Spanish if its written by a latin american and not a Spanish writter, else its English.

  19. Sheila says:

    Laurel I applaud the career path you took, considering the time and resources it takes to raise children on your own it’s very accomplished. It’s often overlooked and under-appreciated. I was a correctional officer for several years and can well imagine what you’ve seen, heard and been part of. Whether you know it or not, you’ve done damn good!

  20. Sheila says:

    almost jumped in as referee, but silly me, I should know HG has it covered lol

    1. malignnarc says:

      Ha ha I am sure you may be needed to give someone the red card at some point Sheila!

  21. Nikita says:

    Wow the blog had lots of active participation today! 👍🏻👍🏻
    I love to read biographies and real stories on English. The ones I most remember were a story of a psychologist who worked in a school for special children and got emotionally attached to one of the kids. Really impressive
    Go ask alice at that time was said to be real
    The story of a Nurse who worked in the emergency room and how she combined her work, dealing with death, being a single mother and finding love again.
    Then I remember a very analytical book on a case of two teenagers that one afternoon decided to go on a killing journey. This book left mixed feelings but I admired the way the author analyzed the case
    And love to read tons of biographies of all kinds of people.
    In French I read mainly Anna Gavalda and my favorites are Je l aimais written mainly in monologue and Je voudrais que quelqu’un m’attende quelque part, which is a compilation of separate stories of daily hassle in life.
    In Spanisch I mainly read books on spirituality and a psychologist called Walter Riso.
    Right now the free time I have for reading I dedicate to an author HG Tudor which writes his personal stories as a narcissist in the most fascinating and unique way.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Your linguistic capabilities are impressive. I know Spanish is your native tongue but do you have a particular favourite of the three (or perhaps you know even more?) Any plans to learn further languages. Do you use them professionally or just as part of enriching your life?

  22. *non-reader*

  23. Why am I not surprised that one of your favorite books is American Psycho?
    A reader would never be one of your “intimate” partners?
    I equate books with fabric. People gain knowledge and (conquests) from books. I create works of art contained in quilts. If a man came over and looked in my fabric room…he would only see the best fabrics, and top-of-the-line machines.
    Nobody who didn’t read would ever be intimate with you? How very small minded….are you by any chance equating reading with intelligence or just a good “roll in the hay?” You don’t have to be a reader to be intelligent.

    1. malignnarc says:

      It is an excellent book. I also enjoyed reading Less Than Zero, Lunar Park, Rules of Attraction and Glamorama By Brett Easton Ellis. I have Imperial Bedrooms as the next of his to read. I think you have mis-read the blog post. Someone who does not enjoy reading won’t be one of my intimate partners, that is what I wrote. I did not write that a reader would never be one of my intimate partners. Although, you then seem to shift your reading of it by stating “nobody who didn’t read would ever be intimate with (me)” . It is highly unlikely I would choose someone who did not enjoy reading to be an intimate partner. It is nothing to do with intelligence. It is because I prefer to choose people who read (along with other attributes) to be my intimate partners. The reason is nothing to do with intelligence but everything to do with what I wrote in the post. In respect of your work with quilts and fabrics, is that your occupation or a skilled hobby? What types of art do you weave into the fabric?

      1. My art is putting peoples’ lives onto quilts…and I mean their entire lives. I made Loser one and the border was…you guessed it….rows and rows of books. I embroidered the names of the books and the authors onto the “spines.”
        I don’t weave anymore nor do I make quilts anymore.
        I used to be a medic and yes, there are some people out there (Loser) who think that profession has no value but my dream was to be a doctor. Instead, I married a selfish narcissist and I ended up raising out four children virtually alone while he traveled and “played.”
        Becoming a medic was as close to doing anything medical (at my age) as I was going to get, so I went to school. It’s not glamorous. It is thankless. I’ve been hit, spit on, had my hair pulled, and called everything but a child of God, but when you literally save somebodys’ life….it’s all worth it.

        1. malignnarc says:

          I like the idea of having your life woven into the fabric of something beautiful, that appeals to me. On average how long would one take? Presumably your domestic commitments have precluded you from continuing to do this? I have an inner circle friend who is a nurse. She often calls me during her shifts to tell me how hectic it is and to regale me with tales of the disadvantaged of society turning up at the door. She seems to spend a significant amount of time dealing with the same people and taking alcohol off them and pouring it down the sink. It sounds arduous and not something I would do or indeed could do. I understand though how both her you and you find it rewarding, she has often told me about how one thank you or a look of gratitude makes up for the assaults, vomit, insults and general drudgery. Incidentally she is a red head (just merging thoughts from another post). The field of medicine is an extremely worthwhile profession – so much gratitude and admiration to be gathered.

          1. No domestic issues. I just gave it up. I used to be pretty quick. For Christmas one year, Loser gave me several quilt magazines. He was off to the golf course and I was off to my sewing room. I had a quilt made, (from a pattern in one of the magazines) quilted and washed by the time he got home…so I’m pretty quick.
            Doing a personalized quilt, if I have all the necessaries (such as every conceivable piece of information about a person) I could probably, from start to finish, get it done in a week. That includes drawing everything, making a pattern, cutting it out, appliqueing it on and then quilting and binding it.
            I always wanted to make people quilts for a living but I was more or less killed by a narcissist.

          2. Freedom says:

            Don’t let a narcissist destroy your passion and ability for creation. Really hope you can find time to start your passion up again.
            You’re amazing doing all you’ve achieved. 😊

          3. I’m working on that. Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂

        2. Freedom says:

          My ex narc was the opposite always pushing me to do my PhD a post grad diploma obviously wasn’t enough I suppose. I too work in the medical field but more behind the scenes ensuring tests are performed for diagnosis and blood products are available etc. also a thank you every now and again would go a long way. However we don’t do the job for thanks we do it because we care 😊
          I always wanted to be a vet, would like to do law enforcement if I had my time again ha ha

          1. It is a thankless job. I have always wanted to make thank you quilts for fire departments, police departments and of course, my beloved Vietnam Veterans.
            When Loser called my daughters “just fucking firefighters” I told him that if he ever had a heart attack, to call a newspaper editor and let’s see how that went I hated they had to know about that, but they didn’t seem to care. Kind of gives you an indication of what he thought of me and what I did, doesn’t it? But, you’re right. We do it because we care, and we do it because we can. Not everybody can handle the things we see and have to deal with. It takes special people.

      2. Kat says:

        “Vomit, insults and general drudgery?”
        Perhaps she should consider other streams, such as surgical. Or if she really likes gratitude, then midwifery or oncology.

        Nursing can be incredibly rewarding and interesting.

        My ability to stay cool in crisis and bend the rules when needed, has resulted in 4 people being alive today 100% because of me. Not to mention the countless others where it was a team effort.
        The power is goddamned amazing.

        My ability to read people means I know what people need to hear to feel better, even though I don’t feel anything approaching empathy. Can calm down extremely irate or psychotic patients and have never been insulted or abused.

        My need to be the best has ensured that I study and give the best care.

        I don’t tolerate any crap from doctors and know just how to knock them down when needed. But also how to help them be the best doctor they can be. I might be a bitch, but they love me.

        My ability to charm and manipulate means I not only get the support staff on my side and doing me favours eagerly, but my patients win as well.

        The only thing I hate about the job is entitled, precious old people and families who refuse to let the patients have any choice in their treatment (or lack thereof), because of their own issues.

        There is a lot of gratitude from patients, families and other staff.
        But what I love most is the excitement and how there is always something new to learn.

        I may be narcissistic/ sociopathic, but I make a bloody good nurse.

  24. Sheila says:

    You could be right on both accounts. The ‘stories’ reflected too much (for him) on what lay inside the individual. Although he was open and willing to discuss his ‘Demon’ with me, any attempts to change his way of looking at it were not taken well. I sought to change (which I admit I can’t) the way he saw his demon and accept it as part of himself.

  25. I have always liked to know such things about what others personally enjoy, their passions and heartfelt stance on whatever moves them. As I have a genuine interest to get to know others and what ignites their soul. Books speak to me and stir something inside me that a movie production simply rarely can. I am most often disappointed when I see a movie that is based on a novel, as it rarely comes close to what my mind’s eye had created in any way. Just another reminder to myself that rarely do others have the same genuine agenda for sharing that I do. This method you have adopted would be intoxicating on many levels for such individuals, as the connection would be on a deeper level than most would ever care to obtain with another. Sharing of such things as a “beautiful mind” and bonding and/or enlightening others of each others beliefs and view points is both intimate and special; but I guess, not to all who do just that. Not special to everyone in any case, but especially not to those who partake in the personal investment for reasons other than the pure joy of sharing.

    Thanks again for sharing. I can see the purpose to your methods in this regard. It would indeed provide great fuel.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Well put Crystalempath.

      1. Hey nikita 😊
        I was referring to the whole experience (aka as our individual lives) the trick to mastering our empathy vs our co depency I am beginning to understand is to not shut ourselves off from others and not change our compassion, empathy or any such feeling that helps others and brings us joy. It is to establish and enforce and reinforce, if absolutely necessary, healthy boundaries into our lives and to release the need to “people please” for the sake of acceptance/validation. No should be an acceptable reply; period. Guilt free. If we do anything we resent for others and blame them for it we should be looking to ourselves for our inability to speak our truth and honour our truest self and therefore it’s wishes. I’m learning it is all about self love more than anything else…or rather the lack of it in some shape or form that we hold for ourselves. We cannot in truth expect anything from others and nor should we, but we can and should expect that we, ourselves must take care of ourselves, inspite of ourselves and our conditioning. Blessed be ❤

        1. Nikita says:

          Thanks crystalempath. Yes its all about selflove ❤️. Have a nice weekend.

          1. You too 😄

  26. Sheila says:

    I did find it strange that the one book that was in the worst shape- dog-eared, marked, annotated, admittedly my favourite and much loved – he could make no sense of whatsoever and after perusing through it, left it alone. It was my Crystal Bible, he could make no heads or tails of it, but was rapt with several other Bibles in my collection.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Interesting, what did you make of that?

      1. Sheila says:

        There was too much light, his demon didn’t like it.

        1. malignnarc says:

          Maybe the story wasn’t to his taste or too many characters.

  27. Freedom says:

    Mmmmm my ex Narc was also an Avid reader. My books were far to intellectual for him, his were all fantasy books ( should have seen that flag) his whole being is made up. In regards to my preference of reading material that’s on a need to know basis HG. Sorry no Narcs allowed in my library 😊

    1. malignnarc says:

      Indulge me ,tell me one of your books. Which books did your ex narc like to read. I will show willing and tell you one of my favourite books. American Psycho by Brett Easton Ellis.

      1. Freedom says:

        Why so interested in my reading interests ??
        My ex read Mechwarrior and terry pratchett. I’ve met you half way 😊😊

        1. malignnarc says:

          I like to know what people read. Terry Pratchett is an entertaining writer.I have no idea what MechWarrior is.

          1. Freedom says:

            Hi HG
            Mechwarrior is another fantasy/ futuristic load of rubbish.
            I don’t know you so suppose wouldn’t harm to say I’m more a reader of facts, true stories. I also like Philippa Gregory as a writer historical fact/ fiction ironically the Tudors are may favourite time period. Elizabeth Gaskell is a good writer as is frdan simmonds. As with a lot of empaths I also like the period drams and the bronte sisters are a favourite. There you go is that enough. Silly question it’s never enough 😜

          2. malignnarc says:

            Ah I see. You prefer biographies then? Philippa Gregory is an excellent writer, I have read a few of hers. The Tudors is a fascinating time period. Did you watch the Tudors television programme? Of course they took a lot of liberties with the historical facts but notwithstanding that it made for entertaining television. I enjoyed spotting when Jonathon Rhys-Meyers Irish accent broken through.Sam Neill was very good as Wolsey and his “suicide” (since as we know he died of illness) was a marvellous scene superbly backed by the soundtrack from Trevor Morris. I do enjoy the Tudor period and Gregory’s books are interesting since written from a female perspective. I studied the Stuarts in detail and therefore am more familiar with the following dynasty from 1603 through to 1714. I have a mixed reaction to period dramas. I am not a fan of Jane Austen, but I do like Wuthering Heights and the Tenant of Wildfell Hall from Emily and Anne Bronte. I have not read anything from Gaskell or Simmonds.

          3. Freedom says:

            Correct HG I do like biographies. I did indeed watch the Tudors, I also watched the white queen tv dramatisation of one of Philippa Gregory’s books. Elizabeth Gaskell was quite a controversial writer in her time 1810- 1865. She wrote North and south about a southern woman who is forced to move to the north (it’s a love story surprise surprise ) and she ends up with the mill owner. The last dan simmonds I read was Drood I enjoyed it. It’s about Charles dickens and Wilkie Collins and the imaginary/ real character encountered by Charles dickens post his train crash. I immediately spotted Charles dickens as a narcissist ha ha

            I do like terry pratchett as well but not read many.

            I liked Richard armitage in North and south 😍

          4. malignnarc says:

            Yes the White Queen was enjoyable. It is interesting how you make mention of Dickens being a narcissist. I had a conversation with someone who explained that once they realised what a narcissist is, it caused them to look again at characters in books and films and made them re-appraise their view of them. I carry out the occasional re-appraisal of those giving me fuel in order to make the necessary efficiencies.

          5. Freedom says:

            Yes HG I have done some re-evaluations. Maybe I was becoming aware without realising. He obviously re-evaluated me as a supply chain.
            Maybe I was just too educated for him and no longer subservient enough and too much of a challenge.
            I did find him interesting though which is a shame.
            Yes Charles dickens was most def a narcissist who died lonely but suppose famous he didn’t get what he wanted.

  28. Sheila says:

    Thank you for the enlightenment.. anyone I let into my life again will be closely watched if they head to my library first. The recent N in my life headed unerringly straight for my collection when he first came to my home and perused through the contents asking question after question. New lesson learned!

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