A Book Inside

I enjoy reading and I enjoy the ability of a book to tell me much about the person that I am interacting with. I must admit that I when I undertake my preparatory work on a target I do like to ascertain that they enjoy reading. If it is not high on their list of priorities it is not a deal-breaker of course, but I will not afford them the status of an intimate partner. I may allow them to become an inner circle friend but their lack of a love for books and reading does prevent them from being granted that ultimate status. Naturally, keeping them at a degree of distance does make them try all that harder and thus the fuel flows but I cannot allow them to become an intimate partner. Those positions are reserved for others and all of them must have an interest in books. You see, it is through understanding their favourite books that I am able to gauge more about who they are, what their desires are and what their weaknesses are likely to be. The insight provided by their reading list gives me all manner of information on which to found my planned manipulations. It need not be all of a certain genre, indeed, that is rarely the case. Those that read invariably have a wide-ranging list of favourites and that is all the more appealing. The book is such an attraction as it provides a basis for discussion, debate and comparison. One can spar over the interpretation one might afford to a particular tale or a character that appears within it. The speculation that presents itself over what one character might have done if circumstances had been different, is interesting and fascinating. Of course being able to engage in a topic that my target enjoys allows me to hold forth and have them admire me with their rapt attention.

When I invariably gain access to the residence of my target I like to peruse their bookshelves or even better still their study or library. As I glance across the titles and authors’ names I begin to gain a better understanding of who my quarry is and in turn I can shape the manner by which I shall seduce them. They love words in the printed form and I shall give them words, lots of beautiful, enchanting and seductive words that will be poured like honey into their ears. I am always pleased when I see that many of my target’s books bear evidence of frequent reading. To my mind, books should not be kept in a pristine condition but they should bear testament to the fact they are merely a conduit for the ideas and stories inside. I like to see dog-eared books, the spine cracked and with well-thumbed pages, annotations next to certain paragraphs and the ringed stain from a mug of tea or coffee. All of this points to my target having a great desire for books and words and this pleases me considerably.

I always enjoy picking up one of their books and holding it with the spine in the palm of my hand. It will invariably open at the sections that contain the more salacious elements for that is where the reader has dallied and kept the book open. It works every time. I balance the spine in my hand and wait a second as the book falls open with the pages huddled together exposing two or three separate sections as ones that have been repeatedly read and where the book has been flattened and held open as the reader has hovered over the paragraphs within. Usually the content is of the sexual kind although not always and may just be a favourite passage. Either way I am given further insight into what stirs my target.

Thus the collection of books of those I engage with is of particular interest to me and moreover I always invite them to tell me of their ten favourite books. They are usually novels but need to necessarily be so. I always ensure they tell me ten, they never fall short and try and squeeze in one or two extra but that is not permitted. It must be ten. Ten books that I commit to memory. Ten books that if I do not know any of them, I ensure I know of them. Ten books by which I gain insight deep into the being of the person who stands unwittingly in my crosshairs. The detailing of this list gives me a gripping and constructive look inside. Now, tell me which books are in your list.

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45 thoughts on “A Book Inside”

  1. Thank you for the enlightenment.. anyone I let into my life again will be closely watched if they head to my library first. The recent N in my life headed unerringly straight for my collection when he first came to my home and perused through the contents asking question after question. New lesson learned!

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  2. Mmmmm my ex Narc was also an Avid reader. My books were far to intellectual for him, his were all fantasy books ( should have seen that flag) his whole being is made up. In regards to my preference of reading material that’s on a need to know basis HG. Sorry no Narcs allowed in my library 😊

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    1. Indulge me ,tell me one of your books. Which books did your ex narc like to read. I will show willing and tell you one of my favourite books. American Psycho by Brett Easton Ellis.

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      1. Why so interested in my reading interests ??
        My ex read Mechwarrior and terry pratchett. I’ve met you half way 😊😊

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      2. Hi HG
        Mechwarrior is another fantasy/ futuristic load of rubbish.
        I don’t know you so suppose wouldn’t harm to say I’m more a reader of facts, true stories. I also like Philippa Gregory as a writer historical fact/ fiction ironically the Tudors are may favourite time period. Elizabeth Gaskell is a good writer as is frdan simmonds. As with a lot of empaths I also like the period drams and the bronte sisters are a favourite. There you go is that enough. Silly question it’s never enough 😜

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      3. Ah I see. You prefer biographies then? Philippa Gregory is an excellent writer, I have read a few of hers. The Tudors is a fascinating time period. Did you watch the Tudors television programme? Of course they took a lot of liberties with the historical facts but notwithstanding that it made for entertaining television. I enjoyed spotting when Jonathon Rhys-Meyers Irish accent broken through.Sam Neill was very good as Wolsey and his “suicide” (since as we know he died of illness) was a marvellous scene superbly backed by the soundtrack from Trevor Morris. I do enjoy the Tudor period and Gregory’s books are interesting since written from a female perspective. I studied the Stuarts in detail and therefore am more familiar with the following dynasty from 1603 through to 1714. I have a mixed reaction to period dramas. I am not a fan of Jane Austen, but I do like Wuthering Heights and the Tenant of Wildfell Hall from Emily and Anne Bronte. I have not read anything from Gaskell or Simmonds.

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      4. Correct HG I do like biographies. I did indeed watch the Tudors, I also watched the white queen tv dramatisation of one of Philippa Gregory’s books. Elizabeth Gaskell was quite a controversial writer in her time 1810- 1865. She wrote North and south about a southern woman who is forced to move to the north (it’s a love story surprise surprise ) and she ends up with the mill owner. The last dan simmonds I read was Drood I enjoyed it. It’s about Charles dickens and Wilkie Collins and the imaginary/ real character encountered by Charles dickens post his train crash. I immediately spotted Charles dickens as a narcissist ha ha

        I do like terry pratchett as well but not read many.

        I liked Richard armitage in North and south 😍

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      5. Yes the White Queen was enjoyable. It is interesting how you make mention of Dickens being a narcissist. I had a conversation with someone who explained that once they realised what a narcissist is, it caused them to look again at characters in books and films and made them re-appraise their view of them. I carry out the occasional re-appraisal of those giving me fuel in order to make the necessary efficiencies.

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      6. Yes HG I have done some re-evaluations. Maybe I was becoming aware without realising. He obviously re-evaluated me as a supply chain.
        Maybe I was just too educated for him and no longer subservient enough and too much of a challenge.
        I did find him interesting though which is a shame.
        Yes Charles dickens was most def a narcissist who died lonely but suppose famous he didn’t get what he wanted.

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  3. I did find it strange that the one book that was in the worst shape- dog-eared, marked, annotated, admittedly my favourite and much loved – he could make no sense of whatsoever and after perusing through it, left it alone. It was my Crystal Bible, he could make no heads or tails of it, but was rapt with several other Bibles in my collection.

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  4. I have always liked to know such things about what others personally enjoy, their passions and heartfelt stance on whatever moves them. As I have a genuine interest to get to know others and what ignites their soul. Books speak to me and stir something inside me that a movie production simply rarely can. I am most often disappointed when I see a movie that is based on a novel, as it rarely comes close to what my mind’s eye had created in any way. Just another reminder to myself that rarely do others have the same genuine agenda for sharing that I do. This method you have adopted would be intoxicating on many levels for such individuals, as the connection would be on a deeper level than most would ever care to obtain with another. Sharing of such things as a “beautiful mind” and bonding and/or enlightening others of each others beliefs and view points is both intimate and special; but I guess, not to all who do just that. Not special to everyone in any case, but especially not to those who partake in the personal investment for reasons other than the pure joy of sharing.

    Thanks again for sharing. I can see the purpose to your methods in this regard. It would indeed provide great fuel.

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      1. Hey nikita 😊
        I was referring to the whole experience (aka as our individual lives) the trick to mastering our empathy vs our co depency I am beginning to understand is to not shut ourselves off from others and not change our compassion, empathy or any such feeling that helps others and brings us joy. It is to establish and enforce and reinforce, if absolutely necessary, healthy boundaries into our lives and to release the need to “people please” for the sake of acceptance/validation. No should be an acceptable reply; period. Guilt free. If we do anything we resent for others and blame them for it we should be looking to ourselves for our inability to speak our truth and honour our truest self and therefore it’s wishes. I’m learning it is all about self love more than anything else…or rather the lack of it in some shape or form that we hold for ourselves. We cannot in truth expect anything from others and nor should we, but we can and should expect that we, ourselves must take care of ourselves, inspite of ourselves and our conditioning. Blessed be ❤

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  5. You could be right on both accounts. The ‘stories’ reflected too much (for him) on what lay inside the individual. Although he was open and willing to discuss his ‘Demon’ with me, any attempts to change his way of looking at it were not taken well. I sought to change (which I admit I can’t) the way he saw his demon and accept it as part of himself.

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  6. Why am I not surprised that one of your favorite books is American Psycho?
    A reader would never be one of your “intimate” partners?
    I equate books with fabric. People gain knowledge and (conquests) from books. I create works of art contained in quilts. If a man came over and looked in my fabric room…he would only see the best fabrics, and top-of-the-line machines.
    Nobody who didn’t read would ever be intimate with you? How very small minded….are you by any chance equating reading with intelligence or just a good “roll in the hay?” You don’t have to be a reader to be intelligent.

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    1. It is an excellent book. I also enjoyed reading Less Than Zero, Lunar Park, Rules of Attraction and Glamorama By Brett Easton Ellis. I have Imperial Bedrooms as the next of his to read. I think you have mis-read the blog post. Someone who does not enjoy reading won’t be one of my intimate partners, that is what I wrote. I did not write that a reader would never be one of my intimate partners. Although, you then seem to shift your reading of it by stating “nobody who didn’t read would ever be intimate with (me)” . It is highly unlikely I would choose someone who did not enjoy reading to be an intimate partner. It is nothing to do with intelligence. It is because I prefer to choose people who read (along with other attributes) to be my intimate partners. The reason is nothing to do with intelligence but everything to do with what I wrote in the post. In respect of your work with quilts and fabrics, is that your occupation or a skilled hobby? What types of art do you weave into the fabric?

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      1. My art is putting peoples’ lives onto quilts…and I mean their entire lives. I made Loser one and the border was…you guessed it….rows and rows of books. I embroidered the names of the books and the authors onto the “spines.”
        I don’t weave anymore nor do I make quilts anymore.
        I used to be a medic and yes, there are some people out there (Loser) who think that profession has no value but my dream was to be a doctor. Instead, I married a selfish narcissist and I ended up raising out four children virtually alone while he traveled and “played.”
        Becoming a medic was as close to doing anything medical (at my age) as I was going to get, so I went to school. It’s not glamorous. It is thankless. I’ve been hit, spit on, had my hair pulled, and called everything but a child of God, but when you literally save somebodys’ life….it’s all worth it.

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      2. I like the idea of having your life woven into the fabric of something beautiful, that appeals to me. On average how long would one take? Presumably your domestic commitments have precluded you from continuing to do this? I have an inner circle friend who is a nurse. She often calls me during her shifts to tell me how hectic it is and to regale me with tales of the disadvantaged of society turning up at the door. She seems to spend a significant amount of time dealing with the same people and taking alcohol off them and pouring it down the sink. It sounds arduous and not something I would do or indeed could do. I understand though how both her you and you find it rewarding, she has often told me about how one thank you or a look of gratitude makes up for the assaults, vomit, insults and general drudgery. Incidentally she is a red head (just merging thoughts from another post). The field of medicine is an extremely worthwhile profession – so much gratitude and admiration to be gathered.

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      3. No domestic issues. I just gave it up. I used to be pretty quick. For Christmas one year, Loser gave me several quilt magazines. He was off to the golf course and I was off to my sewing room. I had a quilt made, (from a pattern in one of the magazines) quilted and washed by the time he got home…so I’m pretty quick.
        Doing a personalized quilt, if I have all the necessaries (such as every conceivable piece of information about a person) I could probably, from start to finish, get it done in a week. That includes drawing everything, making a pattern, cutting it out, appliqueing it on and then quilting and binding it.
        I always wanted to make people quilts for a living but I was more or less killed by a narcissist.

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      4. Don’t let a narcissist destroy your passion and ability for creation. Really hope you can find time to start your passion up again.
        You’re amazing doing all you’ve achieved. 😊

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      5. My ex narc was the opposite always pushing me to do my PhD a post grad diploma obviously wasn’t enough I suppose. I too work in the medical field but more behind the scenes ensuring tests are performed for diagnosis and blood products are available etc. also a thank you every now and again would go a long way. However we don’t do the job for thanks we do it because we care 😊
        I always wanted to be a vet, would like to do law enforcement if I had my time again ha ha

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      6. It is a thankless job. I have always wanted to make thank you quilts for fire departments, police departments and of course, my beloved Vietnam Veterans.
        When Loser called my daughters “just fucking firefighters” I told him that if he ever had a heart attack, to call a newspaper editor and let’s see how that went I hated they had to know about that, but they didn’t seem to care. Kind of gives you an indication of what he thought of me and what I did, doesn’t it? But, you’re right. We do it because we care, and we do it because we can. Not everybody can handle the things we see and have to deal with. It takes special people.

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      7. “Vomit, insults and general drudgery?”
        Perhaps she should consider other streams, such as surgical. Or if she really likes gratitude, then midwifery or oncology.

        Nursing can be incredibly rewarding and interesting.

        My ability to stay cool in crisis and bend the rules when needed, has resulted in 4 people being alive today 100% because of me. Not to mention the countless others where it was a team effort.
        The power is goddamned amazing.

        My ability to read people means I know what people need to hear to feel better, even though I don’t feel anything approaching empathy. Can calm down extremely irate or psychotic patients and have never been insulted or abused.

        My need to be the best has ensured that I study and give the best care.

        I don’t tolerate any crap from doctors and know just how to knock them down when needed. But also how to help them be the best doctor they can be. I might be a bitch, but they love me.

        My ability to charm and manipulate means I not only get the support staff on my side and doing me favours eagerly, but my patients win as well.

        The only thing I hate about the job is entitled, precious old people and families who refuse to let the patients have any choice in their treatment (or lack thereof), because of their own issues.

        There is a lot of gratitude from patients, families and other staff.
        But what I love most is the excitement and how there is always something new to learn.

        I may be narcissistic/ sociopathic, but I make a bloody good nurse.

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  7. Wow the blog had lots of active participation today! 👍🏻👍🏻
    I love to read biographies and real stories on English. The ones I most remember were a story of a psychologist who worked in a school for special children and got emotionally attached to one of the kids. Really impressive
    Go ask alice at that time was said to be real
    The story of a Nurse who worked in the emergency room and how she combined her work, dealing with death, being a single mother and finding love again.
    Then I remember a very analytical book on a case of two teenagers that one afternoon decided to go on a killing journey. This book left mixed feelings but I admired the way the author analyzed the case
    And love to read tons of biographies of all kinds of people.
    In French I read mainly Anna Gavalda and my favorites are Je l aimais written mainly in monologue and Je voudrais que quelqu’un m’attende quelque part, which is a compilation of separate stories of daily hassle in life.
    In Spanisch I mainly read books on spirituality and a psychologist called Walter Riso.
    Right now the free time I have for reading I dedicate to an author HG Tudor which writes his personal stories as a narcissist in the most fascinating and unique way.

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    1. Your linguistic capabilities are impressive. I know Spanish is your native tongue but do you have a particular favourite of the three (or perhaps you know even more?) Any plans to learn further languages. Do you use them professionally or just as part of enriching your life?

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  8. Laurel I applaud the career path you took, considering the time and resources it takes to raise children on your own it’s very accomplished. It’s often overlooked and under-appreciated. I was a correctional officer for several years and can well imagine what you’ve seen, heard and been part of. Whether you know it or not, you’ve done damn good!

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  9. laurel must be beautiful what you weave in the quilts 😃😃. Mine would have all the animals of the earth ❤️.
    Im sorry for how much you suffered 😓…
    Its so sad how so many dreams got smashed ny the narcissist we once loved…
    HG. it was my fathers dream that I speak many languages so I do. I understand also German and Swiss German but speak a mixture of the two. Never had time to go to German school and learned it on my own.
    Would have been nice to speak Italian but ai guess if having time for a language would be to learn to speak 100% proper German like my N ex-husband always Insisted I do, but never helped at all to enable I go to German school.
    I speak all 4 languages every day as I work for a multinational company but I could also get along with only English.
    I also work on the medical area on the Pharma side.
    My favorite language to read is Spanish if its written by a latin american and not a Spanish writter, else its English.

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  10. I did read “American Psycho” years ago. My heart dropped at your mentioning of it. I still remembering shuddering at parts.
    A top-shelf, favorite read from my past, “The Theatre of Tennessee Williams, Volume 2″, in particular for ” Summer in Smoke” and “Eccentricities of a Nightingale”. Familiar at all with either of those?

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  11. HG, now you are starting to remind me of Henry Rollins:

    https://youtu.be/W9S5-EB8dR8

    I adore Rollins, so consider it a compliment.
    “I want me one of ’em readers, is what I want.” 😉

    I have a feeling you would have liked my book collection. Everyone who enters my house remarks upon them.
    Funniest thing is that I almost never buy new books and love to hold the spine and see where they will fall open to as well. Never knew anyone else who did that before now.

    Wonder if you would be able to predict what kind of books someone favours from the information they already provided you?
    See if you can guess mine.

    I already mentioned my love of de Sade and John Douglas.
    Also, I am a nurse and have some beautiful (if somewhat disturbing) medical books dating back from early 1900’s.

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    1. He is a talented fellow is Rollins so thanks for the compliment. Let me have a think about which books you might like. Are the medical ones anatomical in nature or linked to psychology? Where is your book collection kept in your house, is it oneplace or scattered throughout. Is there a book on your nightstand now?

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      1. My books are all throughout the house. There are shelves full of meticulously organised first editions and delicate vintage books, stacks of paperbacks leaning against the wall in the spare room…one particular book that I could never finish sitting on a shelf in the bathroom. Some order, some chaos.

        I got a couple of those Kindle type readers as gifts too. Sure, they are convenient, but I could never get into them. There is no smell to them. No feel. No history. Takes too much away from the experience for my liking.

        On my nightstand now is a book of fiction that I am enjoying immensely. The author was also responsible for a fantastic British series. Guess one of my favourites correctly and I’ll tell you which one 🙂

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  12. book list, hmmmm, Dostoevsky crime and punishment’s right up there, as is Will Self’s my idea of fun, thoroughly enjoyed the discworld books and some Jeff Noon (Vurt/Pollen), Irvine Welsh is always entertaining, Marabou Stork Nightmares is a particular favourite by him, Nick Cave’s and the ass saw the angel’s a good one, as is Iain banks’ the wasp factory (those two remind me of each other), residual bit of Sylvia Plath (bell jar) from my youth, maybe with a bit of Camus (stranger) chucked in for added cliche. is that ten? must be close?

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    1. I do like Irvine Welsh and MSN is an entertaining read. Filth is a favourite of mine. I enjoyed the film although I had hoped Dougray Scott would have played Bruce Robertson. Iain Banks is an excellent author.

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  13. My favorite book is The Catcher in the Rye. The Devil in the White City was awesome. I gravitate mostly towards true crime stories. In general, I love a good book and thought I’d share my passion with my ex mid-ranger and let him borrow “I Heard You Paint Houses.”

    What sparked my desire to share? Within two weeks of knowing him he suggested I read Melody Beattie’s Co-dependent No More. He owned around 10-15 self-help books and nothing else. He claimed to be a former co-dependent. I figured as long as her was sharing, so would I. 😀
    He fits every description of a mid-ranger with a mix of somatic and victim traits. I always found his book collection to be interesting. One time he said, “If I died and a stranger saw my book collection do you know what they’d think of me? They’d think I was nuts.” I replied, “well we know you’re not.” I was honestly surprised by what he said.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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