Like a Baby in Your Arms

I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are. I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person.  I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I? You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust. Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation. It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know what I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.

You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me. I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.

All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.

You fall for this speech.

Every time.

43 thoughts on “Like a Baby in Your Arms

  1. ST says:

    As I was reading this I kept thinking “where’s the punchline? It is coming.” I don’t fall for lines like this for 2 reasons:

    1) I have a narc mom so I know how they operate. At least with my mom she desperately needs people, this much is true. But she doesn’t need them to save her but to worship her. There is a HUGE difference! To be saved, you have to completely surrender yourself helpless to the other person. If you are drowning you have to stop fighting and let the other person swim you to shore. If you can’t breathe, you have to just lie there and let someone breathe air into your lungs for you. You must surrender all control over to the other person. A narc will not and cannot do this.

    2) Although I am a very poor Christian who will probably only get into Heaven by the skin of my teeth, I am a Christian nonetheless so if someone said something like this to me my thoughts would be “there is no human that can save you. Only God can do that.” I would tell the person bluntly that I am not God and no human is God. If they want saved, they have to seek God. Humans only complement and encourage each other, but none of us are capable of being what you described. I would then point the person to God, and from my experience with my mom, I am pretty sure that would send the narc running with an arrogant scowl on their face to have someone suggest they need God!

    Of course, a determined narc might turn this around and use this as an opportunity to play the God card, but honestly they could not play it long before their true colors came out.

  2. kel2day says:

    Thank goodness for those last two lines. I didn’t fall for it, my stomach was turning. I’m Tudorized!

    Add Johnny Carson to the celebrity narcissist list. He had a Matrinarc, and another side to him. In a bio clip, it said that during commercial breaks on The Tonight Show, he would often be cold to the guests he was interviewing until the cameras rolled again. He apparently had a dark side. Three marriages too.

  3. Kasia says:

    What does a narcissist feel when he tries to pick up a girl and the girl says that she’s not interested or she says “You’re not my type” or “I have a boyfriend”.
    Does he feel criticised? Does he feel injured or furious? Does he want revenge? Or maybe he just doesn’t give a hand about it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is Challenge Fuel.

      1. Kasia says:

        Where can I read more about Challenge fuel?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Fuel, fight or flight.

          1. Kasia says:

            Thank you

  4. Second Rate Collateral says:

    No words 🙁

  5. Laurie says:

    HG, one of your finest.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Laurie.

  6. Steeviann says:

    Yep, he told me I failed him like his ex-wife. I wasn’t there for him when he needed me.

  7. Lisa says:

    HG, so everything you wrote is a lie ? Because here is the confusion ? What you have written is what you are hoping for with each new one , isn’t it ? And you all believe there is someone out there that can fix it ? Don’t you ? Of course we never will? But what you have written is the truth is it not ? Is this not the lie you tell both to yourself and to us ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is the intended truth which becomes a lie.

  8. karen519 says:

    Reading this makes me cry so bad I can’t hardly type my words. I guess I will go back to throwing away everything from my chest that no longer serves any purpose. Goodnight and God Bless you all. Excuse me while I go trash years of memories.

  9. luckyotter says:

    I really love this post.

    1. nikitalondon says:

      Me too LO. Me too. I totally love love it. It inspires me. <3

  10. Nikita says:

    I know that what you write in here somehow is true. Of all your postings this is favorite one 😘

  11. Nikita says:

    This message came one day earlier and Im glad I had time to think about an answer, and believe Im strong.
    I find this morning on my phone a message on how lonely and sad the mornings are without me…,, 😓😓 how Im the only one who gives a meaning to the day …, etc etc
    This blog became like the prediction of my relationship.., in more than several occassions…
    Thanks HG

  12. DD says:

    HG You are brilliant and your writing frightens me at the same time. If you use this pity ploy and you are sick at the same time the impact is a thousand times stronger. The tractor beam becomes a harpoon to the chest. How to break free? I must save you AND you really could get worse without me.

    I am going to read this again and again until I understand. Thank you for all you are doing. I appreciate your insights more than I can express. Just finished Fury and will reread to really let it sink in. Excellent, complex, clear and logical-explains a lot.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Hello DD and thank you for the compliments. I am pleased you found Fury of interest, do post a review please.

  13. freedom says:

    Yep, he delivered a very similar speach. Something like you wouldn’t have liked me a few years ago. I was a different person. I’ve never met anyone who made me feel so happy, never wanted to marry someone before as much as I want to marry you, can’t see myself with anyone but you. All l want is to be loved is that too much to ask that’s all I’ve ever ever wanted.

    Yeah right !!!!

  14. Nikita says:

    Wheat you write is beautiful. I know you mean it because this is why we met each other.. you needed my love to feel safe and near to redemption and I needed to love you to feel complete.
    I know your fall and your broken bones, mine were also broken at the same time as yours but in a different way and this is why we complement each other,, and I know you have a good and bright side because I can feel it even when sometimes I dont see it.
    Your words make me sad because if I could once show you the road that leads you to salvation, its too late now as I dont have the forces anymore to continue this path, you know this , the way has been too hard, too long and too sad and way too painful… painful to the point that sometimes I have fallen apart. My bones have been also broken, its been so long having that pain that I think now every single one of them is broke.
    I can love you for who you are because I understand all about your pain, the pain you have caused to others and your need for love but I cant love you now in the way you want it.
    I recently met a person who I neglected most of my life. This person is wonderful and promised to love me forever and unconditionlally. Will never make me feel pain like it has been the case until now from those I loved and wanted to be loved back. You might understand that I cant be at two places at the same time.
    This person is myself. I am ready to love myself and enjoy my own company. I discovered myself recently by breaking free from my own chains and not from yours like you might think it happened..
    But I know that you know now where and what to look for reaching your salvation.
    When you find her, try to be yourself, accept your flaws and live with them because they are beautiful… its you.. Remember always your bright side that I like so much.
    Make the first moments not a fake but a mixture inbetween the real you and who you want to be.
    This will give you a guide to see if she can also be the one who will understand and neverthless hold your hand.
    Now hurry up and let me go, start looking because you have to reach her before all her bones are broken, before she comes out of the shell she was put in as kid.
    If you recognize she is near to this point you might even help her and like this you have big chances of playing a part of it. You have this skill I know it.
    I have to go now, continue my new path , I wish you the best of lucks and will always remain in a reachable distance from you because of this I am not afraid. I know you will not hurt me. I will always hold your hand from the distance. I know you will not hurt me.
    Maybe one day our paths will cross again for something else. Nothing is written on stone
    With lots of love Nikita

    Ps i did fall many times but I hold my own hand so I wont fall again.

    1. Sharon says:

      Very well said 🙂

  15. Absolutely and this is where “Undisclosed Desires” (Muse) comes into play. I will be more cautious… maybe.

  16. Sheila says:

    A note to my fellow empaths – Read this over, several times. You understand and empathize with it because this is your story too. Who is there to fix what is broken in yourselves? Short answer – no one.

    You need to go against what is ingrained in ourselves – to heal, nurture, fix and apply it to yourself first and foremost. I know for me it felt alien and wrong (and narcissistic) to focus on what I needed. Be there for yourselves first, apply your natural empathy to fixing what was broken and hurt in your past. Love yourself the way you want to love everyone else.

    1. TimeWasted says:

      I agree.
      We can’t fix anyone else. We have to fix ourselves.

    2. V says:

      This is an excellent response and surley one of the better known therapies to heal, however for someone like me who came from nothing , nowhere and has almost NO concept or pattern of nurturing, loving, caring and knowing her own self worth it’s an alien language. I’m on this part, healing that inner child, giving to myself what was never given, loving the scared, lonely and confused little girl and….. It’s like learning Arabic. It’s going to be a long road, I keep trying, I never give up and once in a while I do something miraculous like put my foot down and say,” you will NOT play me again ” to the N and end it. Ive ended it this time. The problem is after time goes by…. The confusion, loneliness, abandonment and ability to feel and think I’ve made a sound choice starts to haunt me….. I wonder if HE really did know better and WAS better than me and my perceptions? I doubt my owns perceptions and I sink.
      You know HG, you’re not so powerful….because a lot of the time your prey are simply so easy, ….. Just scared little lambs.
      How hard is that hunt?

    3. Sharon says:

      I love what you said here. It’s truth to the core. Thank you!

  17. Never again…if I ever hear a speech like that again, I will laugh hard and walk away. Thanks for sharing!

    1. malignnarc says:

      You are welcome.

  18. So, when are you going to tell us the story of why you feel so inferior?

    1. malignnarc says:

      Sunday’s blog post will answer that for you.

      1. Ah….okay.I’m sure it will be an interesting read.

        1. malignnarc says:

          Oh yes.

          1. Ben says:

            what’s this blog post HG?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Brilliant, Ben, it is brilliant.

  19. TimeWasted says:

    The ex-N boyfriend left home when he was a teenager. He never spoke to his mother again. He didn’t attend her funeral when she died of cancer. He doesn’t express any regrets. That always baffled me. I can’t wrap my head around being that cold. Marianne Williamson says when people are cold and behave badly, that is where they are wounded. She says you must forgive, send them love and move along or you will meet the same person down the road. I don’t want to be angry. I want to be free.
    Reading all of this coming from you HG, helps me to understand. It makes me angry, but it is also healing. Processing it brings up the negative emotions. I can now release it.
    Now to deal with all of the things he left at my house. Not ready for that just yet.

  20. Sheila says:

    It is a cleverly designed speech, though, is it not? I hear it on a daily basis though and I’ve gotten immune to it. Which is tricky when it comes from your own offspring.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Indeed it is. It appears that regular exposure must generate some natural immunity Sheila, thank goodness I only use it sparingly so it retains it efficacy eh?

      1. Sheila says:

        Lucky for you that empaths rush in without testing the waters first. It’s just what we want to hear and be able to rush in and ‘fix’ it all for you. It frustrates us to no end to finally realize that it’s us that we need to fix first.

  21. V says:

    I’m pretty sure T wrote that and not you HG. You’re right I fell for it every time. Have you never, ever felt that way?

    1. malignnarc says:

      Of course. Honest.

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