I know this ring is expensive. It sparkles and it shines. It is ostentatious yet elegant and I know what some of you may be thinking, yes, just like the narcissist when he first arrives. It is all dazzling, shining, mesmerising and showing off. That much is true but that is not the purpose of this post. No. This ring is real. It is very real. This ring is a symbol of my intent. I want you to wear this ring and I am sure, no I know that you will wear it. You see this ring binds you to me. It will ensure that you admire and love me by reason of such a grand gesture. Do you see how much I adore you? Do you see how much you mean to me so that I would have such a ring of such expense fashioned just for you and you alone? Who else would do that for you? Nobody because there is not anyone who is as good to you as me is there? Nobody treats you the way I do do they? This is a special ring for a special person.
You see this ring signifies so much. It is a demonstration of your commitment to me. It is there to bind you to me for now you have agreed to ensure that I am provided for at all times. By wearing this ring you have accepted your role. Your role is to furnish me with fuel. Sweet, potent fuel in vast quantities. You are duty bound to lavish me with admiration, awe, affection and love to ensure that my voracious appetite for fuel is met. Placing this ring on your finger amounts to a contract between us. A contract that is water-tight and can only be revoked by me. You must not breach this contract. You must strive each and every day to provide me that fuel.
Should you fail in your obligation to provide me with the best quality positive fuel then I reserve the right, without qualification or condition and without notice to shift the supply of fuel to that of the negative variety. Your wearing of this ring will mean that you will endure the torment and misery that I will put you through in order to extract this negative fuel. By brandishing this ring on your finger, you have agreed to be subjected to my vacillating will, my capricious nature and the violent fury that rages within me that is waiting to be ignited. The moment this ring slides onto your finger and you smile in delight, showing the large glinting diamond off, you have consented to all manipulative machinations at my disposal. The ring cannot be removed. It does not work like that. It shrinks to grip your finger and no amount of twisting and pulling will free you from it. In much the same way that no amount of pulling and twisting will free you from my grip. Once that ring has been worn then you and I have been joined together. You are my appliance and you will do as I say. You will pump out that fuel and provide me with the emotional reactions I seek from my incessant torture of you. You gladly placed the ring on your finger. You wanted to wear it. Did you think that I would extract nothing in return for furnishing you with such a delight? In fact, I knew you would think like that, that naivety appealed to me and is why I chose you .
Each and every humiliation, beratement, denigration and lambasting has been agreed to by you wearing that ring. It is done and must be so in order to allow me to get what I want and need. You will consent. You will submit. You will be subjugated to my will. You shall not escape. You shall not defy me. You shall not deny me that which is rightfully mine. You put on the ring. You agreed to what was to come. You must pay the price.
This is what happens when you accept this ring when it is offered by my kind and me. This is the necessary consequence of accepting such a luxurious gift. You would do well in future to be aware of this ring and what it signifies.
Does this ring have a name?
Of course it does.
It is suffering.
37 thoughts on “Ringing You”
It reminded me of my dream last night…when You tried to give me one and once I looked at it, it turned into handcuffs attached to mine and Your had…then I have walked me into some car claiming its Your gift to me. As I sat on Your knees in a driver seat knowing it’s only a dream the car turned into a vault with mirrors all around, white ceiling and huge bed in the middle. …
Intriguing, what do you think this dream meant?
I’ve already told You, my dear x FEAR of being 1 on 1 with You. ..
“I got me one of those”
Thank you for the explanation of gifts. He never gave me a ring. I have many other things. Diamond and pearl necklaces, earrings, bears given to me on Valentine’s Day, household items.
I have many from him. In every room is something he gave me.
I was always stunned when he just vanished. It made no sense. Now it does.
You are welcome TW.
HG I have told you numerous times what a wonderful writer you are! I wish I would of known all this before I met him!! But then I never realized people like him and you even existed. Today is one of those days where the hurt keeps trying to sneak in, reading this only made it harder to keep pushing it inside and burying it. Have any of your ex’s ever tried to hurt themselves after you were finished with them?
Thank you Fool Me. Oh the number of times I have heard the comment “I never knew about your kind until it was too late.” That’s the way it is otherwise we would not be able to do what we do. In answer to your final question ; yes.
I second what Nikita and others say. You have given us a vast wealth of valuable information which is why I and others continue to tell people about your work. Thank you HG. Your insights are unique, candid, fascinating and so accurate. You are prolific and frankly we just cannot get enough. 🙂
Thank you very much DD.
I noticed that majority of your readings sound like commitment is the utmost concern for a narc, that being said, I’ve met a few that didn’t want such a tie, example marriage or living together etc. rather just wanted a revolving door of women, discard and on to the next. Is that common? Or the exception to the rule? In your opinion of course, or is this more of a biased opinion that it is you that wants to be bound by such a commitment?
I think the best way to describe it is that we want your commitment for as long as it suits us and then we move on. We want that commitment quickly so we may want to move in, get engaged, get married, get you pregnant in our desire to bind you to us so we secure the fuel. We will then cast all that aside, as we have no concept of responsibility in order to drink of the next fuel. Not all will try and bind you in this way as it depends how their appliances have been set up. Some may prefer greater mobility but I find that there is usually a constant and then plenty of variables. Of course that constant may only last a short while or it may last longer. What we want is fuel, if that means securing a commitment then so be it, if that cannot happen so be it and we secure the fuel another way.
HG as you know I’m very interested in this aspect of the rush of trying to form a permenant bond/ hold over us As jt is definately my exes MO. I do find it strange and maybe you might be able to shed some light on it but I don’t get how my ex narc was obviously embroiled in a dance with another source in India. So why run the risk of getting me pregnant and openly saying it will be ok I’m not going to leave you don’t you know that by now. Then returning to India and weeks later discardinv me not even checking if I was pregnant. I get that you don’t do responsibilities but what was the point if he already had a target lined up if not hooked as they were married 3 months later ???
Simple. Two sources of fuel. We do not necessarily connect the dots because we will just walk away from a situation. One day we will want you to become pregnant because you will be bonded to us and you feel closer because of this. He must love me if he wants a child with me. You feel great and you think we are great so you pour out more fuel. At that point he might have wanted to be with you and have a child and then boom. In an instant it changes. There is more fuel to obtain from the other lady so off he goes without a backwards glance. We do whatever suits us in the moment with no or little consideration for the past or the future.
I often wonder if I’d done the whole pack my bags and leave my job and go to India with him would he still have married her or just played us both ? The million dollar question !
He may have wanted to do both but if he’d married her I’d have come straight back to the uk. It would have been harder I think to marry her as due to the job he does everyone lives on a compound it’s not like in the uk where we had our own houses and opportunities for him to facilitate his shenanigans.
Shenanigans is a great word.
It is isn’t it 😊😊
And by the way BRILLIANT BRILLIANT BRILLIANT. You are the BEST 💋
Thank you that is appreciated.
Two rings that I managed to take off and leave off and depart in peace because I can give all the fuel you want as i love to give fuel but as every fuel statiom in the world needs a rechargimg period and if I am not granted this period well then of course when the fuel is provided from reserves it is not the same quality. Shall it come that I suffer and my inner peace and health are affected I will manage to take this ring off and give it back. I give all back and depart in peace because you will not be able to ignite a fire where there is no material for combustion. I win 😘.
Suffering, I like that – nice one HG !
After enduring the ‘suffe’ring of the first N, I’ve been wary of THAT particular trap ever since. I wear the ring of no man, nor ever will again. Once bitten, twice shy.
Coincidentally, I made it out with both the original wedding bands and the ‘upgrades’ he bought on our 10 year anniversary… handy little source of some extra cash when I left.
I sold both of our rings, too! He was upset….Loser – 0…Me – 1
I find it puzzling when commenters say they didn’t see it coming. I mean what did they think all those expensive gifts, vacations and dates were all about? Do people not understand accepting expensive gifts is inappropriate for dating? Anything more than some simple flowers or some chocolate on valentines should not be accepted. Going on overnight vacations and staying in hotels together while dating is inappropriate. Having a man buying you lingerie while dating is inappropriate. Having a man pay your bills while dating is inappropriate. Having a man buy you any clothes while dating is inappropriate. Why? Because if puts a female in a compromising position. Every female needs to understand this.
There are men who expect something in return for a mediocre dinner date at a family restaurant so how much more will a man expect something in return for expensive gifts?
I don’t understand the mindset of women who think they can just accept expensive gifts freely. I can understand a 13 year old whose parents never taught her any better to accept expensive gifts, but this same girl the older she gets and experiences life she learns nothing is free in life.
I guess one advantage of having a narc parent is you learn this lesson in early childhood—-everything has a string attached and money and gifts are used to buy, control and manipulate you. By 9 years old I understood this very well so at 9 when my mother asked what I wanted for Christmas I said “nothing “ and I meant it.
Ah the ring, I unknowingly made a wise move early on in my dance with my ex narc. Weeks in to our ‘ relationship’ he wanted to get engaged alarm bells went off in my head and I started to back away but he managed to reel me back in. He then present a ring saying it was his grandmothers and meant a lot to him. He wanted me to wear it as a friendship ring till he’d proved to me how much he cared for me and wouldn’t hurt me. I said not just yet you keep it as it holds such sentimental value I’d hate if anything happened between us and it became awkward he tried to insist I would not be making a mistake, he loved me we were meant to be together, he’d never lived anyone or felt like he did about me but I stood my ground. I never saw that ring again. However up on my discard and whilst chatting with his son it appears that ring wasn’t his grandmothers but a ring his son had bought off a friend who was selling it cheap. The ring disappeared I explained what his dad had said and wanted to do with this ring. So me and his son had witnessed and been involved in yet another lie.
His new prey seems to happy to get not only engaged but married within months. Here’s hoping she doesn’t regret that move.
Interesting tale. Do you think the son was selling you a tale as instructed by his father that the ring actually had no sentimental value in order to make you feel worse or do you think it never was the grandmother’s ring? I daresay he used such an approach before as it is a classic example of trying to draw you in through emotive connections.
Considering his son has disowned his dad and his sons girlfriend was never keen on his dad and all the other things I believe it was never his grandmothers ring.
Just a ploy to play on my empathy made a misjudgement there though.
This looks like the ring that was being cut off of somebodys’ finger on a show last night. Her suffering didn’t last too long.
Great post, as usual! Great line…..suffering…..you’re so right. (I made Loser give me his ring back, with great resistance from him) and I sold both of our rings for scrap. I think he really thought they were something I would cherish for the rest of my life…..ha…was he wrong!
Thanks Laurel, interesting that you managed to get it off him and surprised he did not try and take yours. How did you manage it?
As soon as he started screwing his WTC, he took it off. (She probably made him.) When it was clear to him that I was going to divorce him, I just told him I wanted the ring back. He kept refusing but eventually agreed to give it to our oldest daughter. I stood FIRM and demanded that he give it back. He caved. I hadn’t worn mine for years…it meant nothing to me. When I told him I sold them, I saw “the tell”…a combination of brief sorrow and “how the hell could you do that….you should want to keep them!” LOL
If I could have, I would have shove them where the sun “don’t” shine!
I see, thanks. Almost a ring within a ring scenario.
Ha. I may have been snookered by him for many years, but I paid attention and learned from the master! I “preyed” on his narcissism toward the end….I “pretended” to still care…called him “my darling”, let him take me to lunch, promised him that we would stay in touch…promised him I would let him know where I was going….the idiot fell for it all! I was “feeding him fuel” just long enough to get everything I wanted. Imagine his surprise when he found out that he had been played! Loser – 0….Me – the winner!
As always brilliant……. don’t worry no strings attached. Another love/attention starved empty Echo, perfectly constructed by a previous N in her initial role with them, now takes the new bait with the new N and settled in naively to the years of torture that awaits. Very well crafted work!!!!!!!
Thank you ClareSarah.