They Won’t Believe You

Go on then, tell them all what has happened to you? Go on, here, take my phone and ring my parents, my family and my friends. Ring my colleagues too. Telephone the golf club in fact why don’t you take out an advertisement in a local, no, make it a nationalnewspaper and tell everybody about how badly you have been treated? Climb on the roof and shout it to the neighbourhood, tell everyone who calls at our door and bellow it to strangers as they walk past. Do it, go on, tell them about. Announce it, broadcast it, transmit it, send it out by mail, e-mail ,message and radio signal. Have it blaring from the radio, repeatedly playing on television, hell I will even let you strap a message to a flock of pigeons and oyu can let them deliver the news that way. Scrawl how badly you have been treated by me on a piece of paper and wrap it around a brick and hurl it through the window at the police station. Scream it long and loud until you are hoarse. Go on, tell them, tell them all.

Tell my parents about their successful son who has studied hard, achieved brilliant results and now excels at work about what I do? Why don’t you gather all my friends around here and announce to them what a bastard I am? I am sure they will be intrigued to listen to you saying that about their loyal and dependable friend who always makes time for them and has helped them out in repeated ways through his largesse and influence. Pop next door and bang on their front door, explain to them with your wild eyes and even wilder hair what has really been happening? After all, I only every show them friendship and politeness don’t I? I don’t think they have heard me shouting at you (I wait until they are away before I raise my voice) but I know they have heard you ranting and bawling. Go to the local shopping parade and mention to the pleasant lady at the bakery what I really get up to behind closed doors. I am sure she will love to hear you tell her all about the charming man who is her best customer and has arranged for her to supply the restaurant of two of my friends. Call my brother and give him chapter and verse. Oh you can’t because he won’t answer the ‘phone to you anymore will he? I know, head down to the gym and see if you can interest any of the regulars with a hysterical rant about the chap who they all say hello to and who works out quietly and regularly. Type out a memo for my colleagues and circulate it to them. I am sure they will be interested to read all about their boss who holds the keys to their future. Declare it to the group I attend football with, they will want to know all about what I do won’t they? What’s that? These are all my people. At last you have recognised the truth of the matter in between your vile outbursts and hateful comments. I know then, ring up your sister and see what she has to say, mind you, I daresay you won’t want to give her the satisfaction after the way she came on to me would you? Tell your friends all about it. Oh wait, they are now my friends and all they have ever seen is how happy I have made you, the gifts, the trips, the presents and the love. What about the vicar? He will listen to you I am sure. It is what he does after all although what he will make of such slander against a regular attendee at his sermons and generous charity donor remains to be seen.

Do it, grab a loudspeaker, create a banner, haul a message behind an aeroplane and write it in the sand on the beach. Do it in this frenzied manner with words spilling from your twisted mouth, a word salad which makes no sense. I am sure the staccato way you spit out your accusations will be well-received. Make sure they look deep into your crazy eyes when you are talking to them, I want them to see who they are really dealing with. Tell your father will you? Ha, he has put up with this for years and was glad to see you leave home, he told me himself. He knows what a drama queen you are and as for your mother well she hates confrontation and she adores me since she knows just how much I have done for you.

Go on, beat your tiny fists about that façade, see if you can punch some holes in it although I know you will not be able to. Shout and stamp and holler all you like. I will enjoy watching you do that and there will be no favourable outcome for you. You are the crazy one and you are trying to unseat the stable, rational, dependable and ultimately far more likeable me. But you keep trying, it amuses and fuels me as your bloodied hands slap against the façade with no effect and your voice becomes no more than a rasp. I will watch as the hope fades in your eyes to be replaced by fear and incomprehension. Keep trying though, keep going and reinforce what I have already indoctrinated them to believe. They believe me. They won’t believe you.

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78 thoughts on “They Won’t Believe You”

  1. It must get exhausting keeping that façade so perfect. One bad day and slip up could give vital ammo to a victim. No wonder there is such buried rage at your core. It’s like living in a pressure cooker.

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  2. Hmmm…such compartmentalization happening isolating the victim getting to see fragments of your true self yet so close to all your followers who only live the outer layer they see. I told my Narc once I felt like he treated me like a genie in a bottle. It’s like I’m trapped with a lid on me I can’t push off when he goes silent, but when the mood strikes and he reaches out, I’m expected to pop out of the bottle and entertain him like a dancing bear! He agreed.

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      1. Haha H.G.! Well this bottle is getting way too dusty on the shelf. The next time he pops it open, maybe there will be a nice message in a bottle from you, that he lost me to greener pastures. Think I’ll go pop in “Fighter” now by Christina while I work!

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  3. Better yet, the people who you fail to recognize, the ones who see through your facade as I do. The ones who see the insidious nature with you, the emptiness in your eyes, the falseness in your manner, the condescension in your tone. The ones, that see you, that are not fooled as the others are by your smoke and mirrors and parlour tricks of good graces. Those are the ones that will help me triumph over you. The ones who told me : watch out for him, be careful, I don’t trust him, he has ulterior motives. The ones, who loved me enough to tell me what they saw and allowed me to muddle my way through the love and trust that comprises the whole of me.
    Lest not forget others as well, who are aware of what you are. The ones you have spurned and calculated upon, ex lovers, work colleagues, family members. The list of supporters is mounting and the balance is being upended.
    Be wary, that just because you fail to see some, that they do have eyes wide open for you. I am not alone, my message will be heard, as quietly or as boisterous as I choose to convey it.
    Do as you may, but know, you can be seen, even illusions can be shattered, not unlike the mirror you shudder upon each day.
    Good, shall triumph over evil. It has been heralded.
    Ask my first husband, no one believed him, no matter how he tried to smear me through discard. My good name and my good ways, were never besmirched by his vile operations. Never discount the value of a persons honourable nature.

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    1. But he will just go and find others who will not see through this façade. There are so many of them. Even if you worked him out and pierced the veil he will just move on to fresh pastures and create the façade elsewhere. The numbers of fresh meat will far exceed the discarded carcasses.

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      1. He did and I found who and warned her, but she was already endocrinated and wouldn’t believe me. He ensured I was painted as the unstable and vindictive ex wife. I couldn’t care less about him, I didn’t want someone else to go through the same as me, when so many could have warned me and chose not to. I wished her well and knew I did my best to warn her and arm her with the truth.

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  4. Yeah I agree no one will believe anyone but you. My ex had them all convinced I was the the crazy psycho…. And then his world crashed down and he lives with everyone knowing he is the lier, cheater stealer I always claimed. But then he just moved and started over with new friends, his mom died often i believe she was so upset over her son. He is still lying, cheating stealing, but on a much smaller scale and with all new people. But I know while he was never sorry he did those things, he was 100% sorry he was caught, mask off. Soon prison for him & hell have to start again there, then again when out. But he will still be.. Him, or really you too.

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    1. I have a couple posts that are probably waiting moderation. He always comes through! This isn’t his FT gig. Work and other commitments (real life fuel vs online minimal fuel, lol) I’m sure take precedence. H.G. has never let me down yet.
      It’s always a lot to process when you plan out so carefully how to handle when the Narc returns, and you feel like you’re drowning when they swoop in and right back out on their terms and no regard for yours. I’ve been on an 8 month learning curve with all of this and finally feeling like the fog is lifting. Hang in there!

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      1. Thank You MLA, I just got stroppy that my post had disappeared , as it was related to my N1 and his bastardly ways of devaluation. HG posted it, I think it got lost in sea of comments.
        Yes, swooped in is an excellent way to describe it all. I am emotional to begin with, even more so under certain circumstances. I am trying to hold it all together, with some minor failings.

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      2. Hi Janaa38! At least you can say you have minor failings. I think H.G. can always tell when my Narc hoovers and gets back in touch with me. 2 words – Hot Mess! For dayzzzz! Every. Single. Time.
        I hope Nikita is well too. I think she tries to travel or may be spending time with her kids. It’s good to take a few days away from NARC World here and there just to clear the head.

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      3. Hugs MLA and thank you xx I do try to admit and I know all my flaws and never deny them. Probally why they get used against me so often by others. i know what needs to change in me for my betterment. Unfortunately, emotions can get the best of me and I fail.
        Yes, is is good to remove Oneself to be in space where one isn’t subjected to disdain and disapproval or made to feel inferior. But instead is made to feel, appreciated and respected….often when people feel threatened they react to the things they see in us that they know will nevr be a part of them. I know this is the modus operandi of narcs in general, but I was lucky with my N2 he nevr made me feel less for who I am, he always made me feel I was a good person, a loving person, that I tried to do the right things for myself and others. He was not the same as other narcs that way at all. That may be way, I forgive him.

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  5. Interesting! I must say, that a few selected people close to me, I have told about all of “your” wicked ways. Well not yours, personally, but the similar ways of one of your kind, I mean. The people close to me believed me, actually. They also warned me a lot and tried to get me to leave, many times before I finally left.

    Although I know that ex Narc has a lot of new sources always lined up, I still do believe that deep down he is not happy and that he fears the day when his dream world will come crashing down on him… He fears the creature within, just as much as you do, I think… But, it is very true what you say, in some ways. I am referring to that I have refrained from telling his friends/family about any of his abuse towards me. I figure he blos so much smoke up their — that they wouldn’t believe me anyway. Also, I am not vindictive at all. I wish I were, cause he doesn’t see me as “dangerous”, so he can always hoover me… 🙁 He did tell me about an old girlfriend who “shouted from the rooftops” about all his wrongdoings. He seemed very, very troubled about that. He didn’t like the exposure and his family questioning him… Be well. Take care of yourself. /SurvivedNarc

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    1. Yes Survived we do not like anyone to succeed in smashing the façade. Many do not even try for reasons you have outlined, others do but get nowhere. Even those who succeed in getting other people to see what has actually happened only cause us to go and find a new pitch to play on.

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      1. Hmm that is interesting…! I just wonder, what would happen to a Narc, if they lived in a really, really small town. That couldn’t be easy, finding new targets all the time. After a while, the targets would gang up on the Narc, I suppose. Or spread “too much info” to the whole town…

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      2. He would most likely seek the targets elsewhere and move to a different place if he felt he was in effect being hounded out of town. If there were still sufficient people to draw into his web and convince and replace the façade he would stay.

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      3. Aah, ok. Yes, that makes sense. I think the ex narc in my case, is rather grateful that we live in a somewhat large city. At least not a small town. Always fresh prey.. 😉 Lol. Thank you for answering me. Be well, HG.

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  6. Just the picture alone sent my stomach into a twisted knot. If there is anything on this earth that disturbs my peace and serenity more it is injustice. Done to anyone.

    By the time my exN was done with me…”because I had pierced his veil”…he did things to try and provoke that kind of rage from me…and thank God I was too dignified to fall into his trap. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

    I believe the injustice of the relationships true fraudulent nature is what causes post traumatic stress…after all, it is an important part of the healing process to be seen and validated by a compassionate witness.

    It’s so vital for victims to reserve their energy for ️Healing and recovery and avoid that toxic trap of trying to out the N.

    For many many months, when I woukd think of him, my throat chakra would tighten up and send out these prickly sensations throughout my body. It was a physical response to my failed attempts to get him to see and acknowledge my pain.

    His response was very much like your picture here. Fingers in ears…unwilling to listen.,

    Something beautiful has shifted in me of late and I owe it, in large part, to HG’s posts and books. They have brought me an understanding of the N mind that no other reading has. As a result, I feel now that I finalky ACCEPT what happened. For two years I have railed and resisted against the truth – against the injustice, the disappointment and the despair. I have wanted so much to believe that he loved me as I had lived him. That I had and still did matter. That this incredibly sensual and passionate relationship had been reciprocated and holy. I just could not seem to accept the truth, for it is a brutal truth to bear.

    I told myself many times I had forgiven ,forgotten, released him ect but it was always short lived and hollow.

    Something has shifted from reading here…I finally can look at it all and say, yes this Injustice happened. Yes, I will always love who I wished he was. Yes, I’ll probably never enjoy sex at that level of intensity again. Yes, he has fooled many people. Yes, he feels no regret and no remorse. I can ACCEPT it all and no longer feel this resistance and ping ponging in my head wishing for closure and his awakening.

    I’ve made peace with it. I never thought this day would come. Acceptance is key and leads to the road of indifference. I’m in no hurry to get there. I think I’ll enjoy this sweet path for awhile.

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    1. Wow! I am parallel to you in the healing process. Eight months ago I was in shock and awe and denial that this was the reality of a 3 year relationship. Now thru being open minded and applying H.G.’s information, this has to be the form of the answers I desperately needed for closure.
      So beautifully written! Much love and peace in your future!!

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      1. Thank you MLA…and I am so glad for your ️Healing and recovery as well. I really thought I never would find acceptance…and yet…it has found me…from the writings of an N no less!

        Of course, this N is the true Father of all N’s. HG😊

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    2. That lovely Bethany . I agree .

      The day I found HG’s blog was the day I was handed the keys to unlock the answers Its taken me over a year to search for.

      Time after time I’ve asked the same questions to the so called ” professionals” & never got the answers which is why I continued to search . I’m so happy to hear that you’ve made peace with it all as I slowly am too 🙂

      HG take this as a compliment , a boost to your ego or fuel whatever you choose to , but through your posts & your replies I just feel so much calmer and for that I can only say ….

      http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=simply+the+best+tina+turner&&view=detail&mid=D58A46AB1BA

      Metaphorically of course . 🙂

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      1. Ha ha thank you So Sad, I am delighted you have made such excellent use of the knowledge available to you, as have others. I will take that fuel thank you and how kind of you to post the song which plays every time I walk through my front door after a day of honest toil!

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    3. Yes, such a brutal truth, and one we must accept… I loved what you had to say,Bethany, and relate to all that you have written and felt… There must come a time when we lock the door to our hearts, and leave out any lingering thoughts of hope… It doesn’t exsist…

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    1. I didn’t leave blog flower and rock,but thank you for kind words. I think you mean, Nikita, she hasn’t been here for days. I am concerned as well, as she is ever present here.

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  7. N2 smeared me to our circle of friends…and he got away with it for a while. I am a well respected, honest, and level headed woman…and they “didn’t want to take sides/get involved”. It wasn’t until he betrayed someone else (non romantic) in our group that his world came crashing down…..
    He just moved on to a new city and group of friends….

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    1. Hugs, T, I am just pleased my N 2 isn’t the type to do such hateful things, like my N1 did….it is hard to rally against the lies of others with out support system in place xx

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  8. I hope Janaa is ok.

    I felt a little uneasy reading this resonated feelings I wish to forget.
    I hope I can come to peace with it all and accept things but I’m still wrestling with the injustice. How he can be with another married so soon as if I never existed whilst I hurt and am in despair.
    I hope his past does catch up with him and he gets what he deserves.

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    1. Thank you Freedom, I am alright. Just dealing with my own internal demons of late and the demons masquerading in the real world.
      He will have his just reward, what goes around, eventually will come around. Do not focus on him or punishment, it will find him on its own xxx

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      1. Hi Janaa
        Hope the demons are under control if not expelled soon. I know I shouldn’t focus on him or punishment so much but I can’t help it. It’s getting a bit harder at the min as its his birthday in just I we 10 days and I expect he will be back in the uk for a short time. It’s also a reminder of the hope and happiness I ft last year on his return and thinking that this time he’d be home for good.
        How quickly things change.

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      2. I am trying, I am thinking much more sedatives to dull the constant thinking that opposes sleep…yes, I understand with his birthday so soon and his his Returning as well. Just do what you feel is right and best for you, it is only Johor decisions and your life. So it will be right what ever you decide. ❤️

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      3. Thanks Janaa, be careful
        With the sedatives don’t let them rule you. Really hope your bad time passes quickly. We have to keep focused and I do understand how hard it is xxx

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      4. Janaa, try and avoid sedatives if you can. It’s another addiction. The N had us addicted to him, it’s important to be in control yourself and not to let anyone or anything control you.

        If I ever have unrestful sleep I take some piriton, it’s an antihistamine and literally know nothing until morning. I may use it for a day or a week just to help reestablish my sleep patterns. Then no need for it again.

        Be kind to yourself – big hugs xxx

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      5. Hahah maybe, although it is those with a guilty conscience who struggle to sleep HG, or so I thought before I found out those who sleep the best don’t have one !? 😉

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  9. Dear Ladies,

    Im fine thank you. Hope you are all too fine. Im here. Ive been reading every day. The postings and the comments.
    As always besides my children. Well sometimes they get too loud and I just need my space and move to my room but in general we are in the living room together until its time for them to go to bed.
    Maybe I was more talkative before as I started visiting this blog as it was totally fascinated by the content and the way of writing of HG. I am still.
    It was also the first time I could speak openly about being in a Narcissistic relationship with all the people posting here, which were also open about it that made me appear as very talkative, but I am really not.
    I am rather quieter than talkative. OF course I love to talk and hold conversations but I do love to hear people talk. Maybe the 16 years Ive been in Narcissistic relationships made me use to listening rather than talking.
    Specially my last N. He adores to talk and I adored to listen to him. His stories and all the analysis he would make out of it, and manage being always in the center. I would listen to him for hours.
    “ are you not bored ?” , Tell me if your are bored Nikita, tell me when you are bored.” I never did tell him because I was never bored. Even when he took himself into the highest position and the fact that he is totally full of himself oozed out in the conversation. I found it interesting to listen to him.
    So now you know it. One detail about me and how I am in real life. I am more a listener rather than a talker and I enjoy very much listening to the others.

    Have a nice day and thanks for having thought about me.

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    1. Bless you Nikita, thank you for letting us know. You were the most vocal and present On this blog since I found my way here. I did think that was your true extrovert personality. Never be someone you are not to please another, always just be yourself, for there is where you find the ones who truly love and accept you. Listening is a great skill, often many fail to hear while listening. It is good to know that even if you do not write, you are still present and listening. Hope the children are well and happy xxx
      Be well, my dear ❤️

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  10. I just feel now that those who matter to me, know the truth, and those who don’t know (or believe that I am a lunatic) don’t matter – and I really live by this now. Her friends, family and new lover will never ever see the person that I saw (well her lover will eventually, but not yet). They will never ever know the truth that this woman, who they see as real, very compassionate and full of empathy, is nothing of the sort and is masquerading as a human being. The truth hurts, but I would rather have it any day.

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  11. In my experience, those who are the primary target of a narc, especially in full on love-bombing mode, but even if the attention has gotten sporadic, will never believe you, or, even if you show them incontrovertible proof, still rationalize it away. I don’t think its because they don’t believe, deep down, I think its because the fantasy is just too good to let go of (until they reach full on devalue mode, but by then they won’t need any warning from you).

    If I’m honest, I saw plenty of evidence of what my narc was throughout the four years we were together, but as long as I could keep up the fantasy that he would never do that to ME because he was so in love with me, I somehow managed to compartmentalize anything he did that would’ve shattered the illusion, even though the little glimpses of his true nature would’ve normally appalled and repulsed me. It was very much like being in a trance, and there is some research to support that what these people do does in fact induce a sort of hypnosis in their targets.

    And those who are just casual acquaintances of the narc will never believe you because a) people don’t want to believe that people like that exist, b) they don’t want to believe that THEY could be fooled, c) they don’t want to believe anything that might mean they would have to take action, and d) we have a societal myth that everyone is really good deep down and that the beast can turn into a man if we just love him enough, the Grinch can grow a heart, etc.

    HG’s book Revenge is the best advice I’ve seen about how to respond to what’s been done to you (perhaps ironically). If you are going to retaliate at all, his advice is very sound, but it will probably just make you realize how pointless and sad it would be to even try.

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    1. I agree that the illusion itself is addictive. Where the Narcs go wrong is when they stay away longer and longer during silent treatments, you finally get clarity and they do become repulsive when you realize what you’re really dealing with. And, yes most people choose the path of least resistance so all your bullet points on why others will choose to filter out the truth is spot on.
      I really liked Revenge for the pointers mainly on when the Narcs resurface, the advice of showing absolutely no emotion if you have to minimally interact with them is what gets them the most. Many of the tactics they use continually seek attention, and negative attention, which is foreign to me, but it constantly validates their existence in your world. So many things H.G. gives advice on that you can do, require very little effort really. I found that book one of his most insightful.

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  12. HG, I have another, unrelated question for you. I’ve just discovered your books and blogs and was very excited to do so. I wish I’d had them several years ago. But I’m somewhat confused about one thing. I haven’t had a chance to read everything, so this question may be answered elsewhere and I apologize if thats the case. You mention that your doctors have compelled you to write all this, but I’m wondering to what end? If they have diagnosed you as a narcissist then they must also be aware that that condition is widely considered to be untreatable. So what, then, do they hope to accomplish?

    Thanks very much in advance for considering my question.

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    1. Hello Grace, well as they put it they recognised my level of articulation, intelligence and love of writing so they felt that it would be a useful exercise for me to undertake as part of me gaining a greater awareness of my condition and moreover how it impacts on other people. The initial stages of my interaction with the good doctors focussed on my awareness of what I am and then how that affects other people. I told them that they would not cure me to which they remained non-committal. Whether they think they can change me or whether they are just accepting the payments they receive from my family and are content to listen to me is something I have yet to establish. They have remarked that they have seen a difference in my awareness and understanding, perhaps they think that this will then lead to a change in behaviour. You know these doctors, they think they are god at times don’t they?

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      1. Yes. I have to agree, they are generally pretty clueless, especially when it comes to narcs. Thanks for your answer!

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  13. H.G. I am grateul for the insight you are providing. To some extent I feel sympathy that you will never be satisfied no matter how many people you eat. Like a great white shark, always hunting.
    My question is how do I protect my young teen boys from their N father? They have received conflicting advice from a “victims of family violence”shelter. They know to protect themselves somewhat from physical damage but when the “Hoover” began again they were advised to forgive and give him another chance. Of course the cycle just repeated. Our older children have gone ” no contact”. I do “no contact” as far as the law will allow.

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    1. Hello Debbie I am pleased that you find my insights useful I anticipate that the people at the shelter are well-intentioned but do not understand the nature of the boys’ father. Few people do and therefore their advice, no matter how well-intentioned, falls short. You have the inherent tension between wanting to protect them as you know what he is and also you thinking that he is still their father and therefore there should be a relationship. I do not know the extent of his contact with the boys, whether there is prolonged time together to just periodic contact. If it is a desire to protect them from obvious abusive behaviour then you have the right to step in and shield them. If it is his more insidious behaviour and how it might impact on them, that is harder to deal with. Given the boys’ ages and also the reaction of their own siblings, what are their views on the situation? Do they want to spend time with their father? If so you have the difficult decision of respecting their wishes and exposing them to potential manipulation or deciding they are still children and they do not know any better and therefore you must decide what is best for them. You know their father will not alter his behaviour and therefore forgiving and providing another chance would be appropriate with anyone else(everyone makes a mistake and deserves another opportunity) but he is not anyone else is her? I would suggest you ascertain what the risk is to them (evident abuse vs potential manipulation), gauge their wishes and decide from there. If you decide they should be shielded then no contact is of course the way forward. Their dad is likely to fight that through the court system but that is another matter.

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  14. H.G.
    Thank you for replying.
    To clarify, I “outed” their father. I did not do it as your topic outline scenario. I used the “Art of War” as my guide. I planned and executed my battle strategy taking out all his defenses before I attacked. I built my fortress thick and high which left him no option but to leave my territory ( all mutual friends, church, school, neighborhood and half of his family)

    I have no inherent tension between protecting them and fostering their relationship with him. My focus is only protection for them physically and mentally. I would no more foster a relationship between a dolphin and a great white shark.

    My sons want him to repent and change into a kind considerate father. The court forces visitation. After a prolonged visit which included physical and emotional abuse my “dolphins” came home nearly broken. They see him in very short public settings now, their choice. (They were shown a loophole around the law.) He is trying to manipulate them into giving him another chance.

    I do not know the extent of your knowledge regarding children and a Narc. I am having to equip my sons with battle gear that is too large for them.
    Is there another evasive tactic for them to use when they can not go “no contact”? A way that would make them unappealing to your kind? Behaviors, attitudes that repel you?

    I have advised them to bore him with senseless chatter, change topics constantly, feign memory loss and never answer a question honestly.

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    1. I have detailed in Escape the ways of handling the various methods of manipulation that we use if you are not able to use no contact. He may well seek fuel from them and accordingly they may consider answering in ways that are devoid of emotion but that does strike me as a difficult thing to ask children to do. I also think that there is a risk of antagonising him as he may well realise that the boys’ responses have been coached and of course you will receive the blame for that, but the children may well be in the firing line. You mention is he trying to manipulate them into giving him another chance, how is he doing this? I can see that an outsider may actually regard the situation as him trying to establish a rapport with his children and whilst I understand you are doing your upmost to protect them from what their father is (because you know this and others probably do not) you may actually be viewed as manipulating them by encouraging them to behave in the manner you describe in your final paragraph. You have an invidious scenario. It actually strikes me that the boys seem to be working things out for themselves by stating they prefer short public settings. I can understand you wanting to protect them mentally as there is scope for his manipulation of them, but in terms of physical protection, is that a serious risk given the now location of visitation.

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      1. Nikita, Thank you. this is heaven compared to the hell of having him still in the house! My goal will be to give the “family violence center” a copy of each of H.G.’s books to equip battered woman and their children.

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  15. I will revisit Escape. To break through their stance of limited contact he attempts to manipulate them through various means. Taking them to stores and showing them all the things he will buy for them, if they will come home with him. He will cry quietly to them that he loves them so much and he has only made a couple “mistakes”. Telling them they are not remembering their fault in making him so mad that he lost his temper and hurt them. Pleads for them to take back the phones ( that had tracking devices on them) His favorite ploy is to play on their role of good Christian boys and forgive him, they are not “honoring” and “respecting” him as the Bible calls them to do.
    They are on the battle line alone. They decide on a moments notice what to say, how to act to evade his temper. I encourage them to do and say whatever is nessesary to stay safe. When I divorced him I mistakenly thought since he never cared for them that he would go away. Instead he uses them to stalk me and our other two older children. By dethroning the king and evicting him from our lives I enraged him to the point that he takes them as hostages whenever possible. My scenario may have been invidious but I knew my advarsary, obviously I left a blind spot open. He picks them up and drops them off in the limited visitation. They are in danger when not in a public setting. ( no witness’,and the testamony of a minor is not enough). They have not told him that this is what they are doing, he thinks this is temporary and they will reestablish regular visitation.
    I appreciate your advice, thank you

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  16. I experienced this. Trying to explain to my mother in law what I have been going through the abuse physi mental emotional. She told me she never know her son to be that way. Started technically blaming me. Started to change the convo. I was so taken aback. Especially for a woman who went through infedility. But I realized he had already gotten to her and controls them as he is her financier. It’s amazing

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  17. I’m confused about a few points. My ex narc is the drunk who had sex with his daughter and made a baby. Went to hotel rooms with women and had an audience masturbating while they had sex, molested his adopted son, cannot return to his fraternity because of sexual misconduct, had sex with his mother up until she died of cancer, met men and had anal sex unprotected and the list goes on. All of which I found out right before I left. And as a result he had a severe heart attack with 2 shunts and then his gut filled with bacteria from anal sex and it exploded with him losing 80% of his large intestine. He has had multiple expansions on his throat muscle from the age of 10 when he started giving blow jobs to boys and making them give him blow jobs. He has severe acid reflux. Is a chain smoker with severe breathing problems. He lives alone and is 55. Porn addict….fill in the blanks.
    Is this this thing really getting supply? Isn’t this justice? Why is he trying to find me?

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    1. Hello Mandy, quite the catalogue of deviant sexual behaviours there and all done in the name of fuel. Yes he will gain fuel form those actions. Why is he trying to find you? He will be doing so primarily for the purposes of extracting fuel from you. There may be other factors at work dependent on the dynamic you had when in a Formal Relationship together but you have not furnished further detail in that regard and therefore I am unable to comment further.

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