Riled at Heart
You were predestined to meet me or one of my kind. It was written in the stars and was as likely to happen as the sun rising tomorrow morning. You see, you grew and developed as a healthy and normal person. One of the first gifts that you received was a moral compass and you have always found it to work. You were guided by a decent role model, one that showed you the value of compassion, caring and consideration. You have always prided yourself on being able to step into the shoes of others, see someone else’s point of view or imagine what it must be like to be in that other person’s position. It is natural for you to take an interest in the person you are talking with, to listen and engage with them. You are a shoulder to cry on, a pillar of support and a rock to others. Others turn to you in their hour of need. You are patient, tender and take great pleasure in helping other people. You might have made a career of it, becoming a doctor or nurse, an aid worker, a social worker, a counsellor or a charity employee. You have been shown the way by others and with your measured view of the world, developed a strong sense of what is right and what is wrong.
You believe in love. Love conquers all. All you need is love. Love changes everything. You believe that we should all show love to one another and in return we will be loved. That is all that you ask for, to be loved.
When you appear on our radar you shine brighter than everything else around you. The empathic radiance that emanates from you is a blazing beacon of benevolence. Our displays flash and light up, alerting us to your presence as the needles and gauges go off the scale. A massive fanker full of fuel has just cruised into view and we are duty bound to hijack it. We follow the path that is all too familiar to you now, of seducing you and dazzling you. You switch off your engines and weigh the anchor, content to dock with us. We have pulled alongside you and scramble over our bow to overwhelm you. It does not take long before we have burst onto the bridge, overpowered your captain and taken control of this tanker full to the brim of fuel. This hijacking is without violence or resistance, in fact your captain is not so much overpowered but rather he readily relinquishes control of the bridge to us, happy to place his trust in us. We have established our credentials through our repeated charm offensive. There can be no doubt that we have passed our mariner’s examinations and that we are fully qualified to control this tanker.
Yet this peaceful conquest does not satisfy us. There is no excitement or drama in achieving it so easily. Yes, at first we were content for this state of affairs to be the case. It was easy and pleasant and interesting for we had not been on this vessel before and its cargo, the ever so precious fuel was an unknown variety. Now we have been siphoning off the fuel for quite some time and we need to add a new ingredient to it to increase its potency as we maintain control of this vessel. We want to stir things up in the holds by charting a course through stormy waters. We might purposefully spring a leak, cut away the lifeboats and fire off the flares, before jamming the wheel so the tanker slowly drifts in circles, rolling and yawing through the mountainous waves giving the impression of vast movement but not actually going anywhere.
We have to annoy, provoke, irritate and rile you. This heightens the emotional responses and just like the storm battered tanker, we plough headlong into drama, turmoil and rage. In the same way that you were destined to care and exhibit considerable empathy, you were also damned to be the object of our games and manipulation, all with the aim of provoking you. You were blessed with the skills and traits of an empathic individual, but that blessing came with a price. You were cursed to become a prime target for our kind and to suffer the tortuous examinations of our warped minds that aimed to engender an emotional response from you. This would initially be benign but with that sinking sense of inevitable dread it would become one where you had no choice but to be subjected to manipulation, attack, insult and provocation. Riling you became the key objective. This would not work with those who are not of your stock. They would not be sucked in to begin with, or they would recognise what was happening and walk away and stay away. Not you, your empathic traits force you to try and heal and to fix despite the alarming levels of contemptuous harassment, abuse and demeaning treatment. Your empathy binds you to your tormentor as he or she delights in prodding you each and every day to garner that emotional reaction. You were raised to heal yet destined to be riled and all by our savage tongue and stinging hand.
9 thoughts on “Riled at Heart”
We all (the Narc and his “victim”…a word I no longer resonate with) share the very same inner void…a longing for love to come and save us from ourselves. We don’t express or attempt to get this in the same way…but the root longing, searching for someone to breathe love I to us…really doesn’t differ.
My path has led me here, to now…and to my own heart which I infuse with my own loving attention, not seeking that “out there”…something I so innocently did prior to the Awakening.
This relationship with self…is all that matters. I will never abandon myself, abuse myself, lie to myself, devalue myself or discard myself. I am so free! And I see now that in relation to the N …I did these things to me right alongside him.
Truth is that N can change too. He just doesn’t believe he can. His fear tells him the beast will swallow him whole when all it wants is to be invited in and held. There is room in the N for that and all the glory that Kies on the other side…but the N…must believe…and the Empath must let go of being the one to help him/her see..
Even as I type…I hold on to hope that HG will “hear” this plea…and trust me.
This! The more I read your blog, the more it all makes sense.
The silences would *always* make me want to find out what was wrong. Inevitably I’d start with “is everything okay?”…and without a hint of irony he’d eventually reply “everything is okay” (mirroring back my words), before going silent shortly afterwards. It was truly crazy-making.
After a while, I decided that whilst everything might be ‘okay’ for him, it wasn’t for me. And so I’d try another approach “I don’t do silence – it confuses me as it can be interpreted a million ways. Message me!’. That would often fall on deaf ears, too. In fact, towards the end, the only thing that would bring him out of his silence would be if I said “If I don’t hear from you I’ll know that you’d rather I didn’t get in touch again”.
I was classic fuel supply, wasn’t I?
You always are, that was why you were chosen.
Well I do sound like the person you describe above… But to be plunged into drama, turmoil and rage…. That wont last long with me… Life is too beautiful and like you say my beloved HG, there is much fuel to collect.., there is much fun to have still and lots to see rather than stay in dramatic situations and evem worse rage.
Have a Very nice day ☀️☀️
And yet, how beautiful it is, to come out of such an experience, broken wide open by those machinations…and find inevitable ️Healing in the form of strong boundaries and high self worth along with such a beautiful and heart even further expanded.
It is the gift given to us by the Narcissist, the Empaths greatest teacher.
Bethany, your words are beautiful. Once we have been completely broken by the narcissist, we rise stronger and wiser. Our empathy and compassion still exist, but with an added element of self-care that was perhaps missing before.
And yet how beautiful your response….
Thank you Bethany.
Glad I found your site. When I try to explain to friends and family what happened in my marriage, they find it so ludicrous they don’t believe me and then they think I may be the one who’s off my rocker. Now I can just send them here and let you explain it for me. But I send them with the warning that what they find will be truly disturbing. Thanks for sharing the darkness . . . so I don’t have to.
Hello Cmay, you are welcome. Yes, many people do not grasp what has happened,either because it makes no sense or they just do not want to believe it. All testament to the power of our manipulations and the façade.