It’s All About You Isn’t It?

I do find it fascinating that you take everything so personally. You complain about the amount of time which I spend playing a strategy game on my laptop or fiddling with my iphone. I am enjoying playing that game or connecting with people through social media on my Iphone, it is nothing against you. Just because I spend an entire afternoon cleaning, waxing and polishing my car, you go into a sulk. Why? The fact I really like my new car and take pride in keeping it looking good is surely a good thing isn’t it? You automatically assume that it is some kind of slur against you because I am outside buffing the bodywork and not sitting talking to you. I choose to go to the match with a few friends rather than go shopping with you and there is an almighty bust-up. Why is that? I like watching sport and shopping does not really interest me. In fact, I prefer to do my shopping online or if I do go to the stores, I go alone. That way I know what I want, I can go an buy it and then leave. In and out. The best method and preferable to dawdling along behind slow-walking people in a mall. Yet you seem to regard this choice of mine as some kind of stain against your character. It is not.

Even when we have one of our frequent arguments and I hurl insults at you, you always take them to heart. You should not do so. I may criticise your haircut or the jumper you are wearing, I may seize on a character trait and make that a source of a scathing remark against you and you go to pieces. There is no need. I do not actually see you. You are but an object to me and I insult everybody. I have no prejudices, I hate everybody equally. You happen to bear the brunt of these remarks because you spend more time with me. I do the same in the workplace or amongst certain friends. It is not personal to you at all, I am merely pressing the button on the relevant appliance to ensure that I am getting my fix of fuel. For some reason, you descend into a spiral of despair and question your self-esteem and worry about your self-worth. You sit with a trusted circle and recount the torments and insults (why do that? You are just pulling the scab off the wound) as you question why is it you that I am so awful to. It isn’t you. I have no concept of you. You and all the over appliances blur into one. You are machines for the production and provision of fuel. Perhaps if you started to remember that that is the case you would feel less troubled by my behaviour and remarks in the future. Try it, you never know you might just for once stop thinking that it is all about you.

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32 thoughts on “It’s All About You Isn’t It?”

  1. This is where I take a leaf out of the ‘Narc Club’ rule book. It’s now all about me and what I want. Being single and not entwined in anyone else’s life is a breath of fresh air!

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    1. Yes Sheila agree. Its a sense of complete freedom so great that it covers up the lonely feelings that sometimes appear…. Then like the somg says.
      Thats what friends are for … ❤️

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  2. Nice to read my favorite writer before sleeping 😃.
    This posting is very good, but it seems you had no space for your own activites? I think therr are two parts to this situAtion. Washing your car, watching sports, or going out with friends is an important part of an own space that relationships have to have in order that they remain healthy. I feel it and I have read. Of course the intensity of it would have to be previously agreed..
    The other part of receiving insults its just a show stopper to have a nice positive fueled relationship…. Its difficult to accept to be viewed all the time as an appliance 😞.

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  3. This conversation is what made me realize my ex was a true narc. (held onto some false hope for a bit). First post of yours that sparked a bit of anger, the last sentence in particular.

    me; I am speechless so you won’t have a problem
    Her: “most people are until they get over themselves and realize its the one fucking thing i am asking for. I’m lucky to have a support system who when I snap or get irritated they understand its not about them and i dont mean to do it. Im still learning how to control my anger. Im sorry if you cant handle it and think is should give you special treatment. i literally cannot deal with any negativity. I am trying to get through hour by hour. Let alone treat certain people certain ways. Fuck that. I need to focus on my recovery”

    do you really think you’re that special to us to be able to expose yourself like that and think we will be able to “get you” like ohhh i see what you mean, ok its cool now that you explained im on board!”. She must have really thought she had me, to be so blunt. . i told her i understood her, maybe thats why she thought i would “Get her?” when she said these things?. I only understood so far as shes just like any other narc. I understand alot of things, from the surface. I wouldn’t want to go deep into something i don’t find appealing.

    even if she herself was thinking i would benefit from realizing i was no different or accepting it… i could agree – if someone stayed and subjected themselves to abuse…but obviously the second she said this there was no future for her remarks…did she really think i would be willing to accept this? or is she so deluded that she thinks i am really an “appliance” and will think like that?

    lastly, she said she wanted to change – wanted to have long lasting relationships ..so shes “fixing’ herself. Lets be real, she has to know this selfish, asshole behavior is not the right road. Now, if she just wants to stop feeling the way she is by covering it up with an even deeper narcissism then thumbs up, but she cant possibly think i would think she was trying “recover” to her old self by being even more a narc?

    i don’t know. she knows im so rational there had to be a point where i wouldn’t listen to her nonsense anymore. she had to know i would think she was nonsense right?

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    1. Agree complete nonsense…
      Using the F word already, its such an agression.
      I have been involved with N’s and never had the F word…
      I think when someone speaks to you on that one. Its better to say thank you for your time and I wish you well.

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    1. Hello Unpath, children are regarded in three ways by our kind.
      1. Limelight stealers
      2. Appliances for fuel
      3. Devices to provide traits (vicarious acquisition of the child’s achievements – “Yes he won the 100m because I coached him”)
      I chose not to have children.

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      1. devices to provide traits..
        But I still believe narcissists have their own way of loving…
        Anyway to extent subject and im to sensible to this subject…

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  4. I don’t think its right to call it their “own way of loving”
    You don’t do that to things you love.
    They’re like wild animals caged in a zoo. (society)
    Beautiful, magnificent, we fantasize about being close to
    We want them to be ours, to trust and love us – we feel so special that they do. We are gentle, patient, do and show them how we are desperate to form a bond
    We let down our guard, we think its solidified. Even though we know they could hurt us, they would never, no. Its a special bond.
    Every now and then a nip, but they don’t mean it.
    We watch in horror when it turns – really, we shouldn’t we surprised.
    I think of my narc as a rabid animal. I love animals, but when its rabid… o.0

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    1. Rabid animals break my heart. I once saw one and they were going to put him to sleep to end the sufferement. Even talking about it crushes my heart. I was like 8 years old….
      Because there is so much rabies where I come from. We get taught as kids that rabid animals dont attack unless you get to close to them or bother you. And then we learn all the symptoms that a rabid animal presents. It even gets tested in school.
      I cant think of narcs as rabid animals. Way to many in my life, from family side, the father of my kids, our big boss….
      They are human beings and even if rabid animals. You can go to my country and make a course on how to manage rabid animals. It does not guarantee you wont get bitten but at least you have something in your hands to protect yourself.

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    2. HG, I think you should add to your list …
      4. Lieutenants

      Cara, your comment reminds me of people that keep wild animals as pets. These people always think their precious pet really loves them and would never hurt them. Somehow they choose to forget it’s trully a wild animal. Remember Sigfried and Roy, the famous lion tamers in Las Vegas?

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