Completely Contrariwise

Contrariwise,’ continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”

Makes perfect sense to me but I should imagine it will not to you. Welcome to the logic of my world. The penchant that our kind and me exhibit for telling you that black is white and when you eventually agree (and you will no matter how ridiculous this may appear) we will tell you that it was black all along. Or orange. Or azure.

Our ability to deploy contrariwise must rank amongst one of the most confusing, infuriating and draining manipulative techniques that we possess. Well, judging by your reactions when we wheel this out it is. In all honesty, it is used so often it may as well be a default setting. No matter what you say to us we will automatically adopt a contrary position even if that contrary position appears to you as untenable and that it flies in the face of logic. We will always find ways of undermining, denying and deflecting what you are saying to us, most particularly if you are trying to make us look bad, prove we are wrong or you are challenging us in some way. We cannot allow those things to happen. We have a number of standard phrases that we will use in furtherance of this ability.

“Why must you always exaggerate?”

“No, I have never done that.”

“You are over-reacting. Again.”

“I think you will find that you are being sensitive, I did not mean it the way you are interpreting it.”

“You always look at it the wrong way.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Your memory is playing tricks on you.”

“You/he/she/the world is making things up.”

“If you say so but you have got it wrong.”

“I never do that.”

“You always have to make a scene don’t you?”

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Our capacity to be presented with evidence of something and then in the next breath deny the existence of that evidence is staggering. We will reject what you say, deny we ever said anything (even though we actually said it just ten minutes ago) and twist our position so many times we appear to turn into a corkscrew.

Why do we do this? It serves three purposes. The first is because we are never wrong then we must never be shown to be wrong. You seem to have a fascination for trying to demonstrate to us that we are wrong about the things we say and do. That is a nonsense. We cannot be wrong and you must accept that. Our use of contrariwise enables us to ensure that we remain right and you remain wrong. It is entirely logical to us. If it is not so to you then that is your problem. You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules. Do not try and argue that you did not agree to this. When you embraced our illusion you consented to this state of affairs. Do not try and deny that it is the case otherwise we will just have to provide you with some more contrariwise.

The second reason that we do this is that we have to have you in a state of confusion. This means that being a creature of order and logic you will try and make sense of our contrariwise which will merely serve to put your head in a spin. Furthermore, you cannot help yourself but want to show us that we are wrong. You cannot accept that we are unable to see the point that you are making. That is entirely the point. You are subjected to our rules now and logic, reason and sense rode out of town many moons ago. This confusion will leave you susceptible to our other manipulations and drain you of your resistance and resolve making it harder for you to escape our grip.

The third reason is down to our lifeblood, yes fuel. Your evident frustration, curses and desperation as you try to make us see that we are wrong provides us with delicious dollops of fuel. You tear your hair out, repeat yourself, raise your voice and collapse sobbing in frustration. It is all good fuel to us. No matter if you argued the point with the forensic precision of a top barrister we would twist the words so they achieve what we want and not what you want. To borrow from Lewis Carrol’s fantastic writing I leave you with the words of humpty dumpty, who was clearly a pioneer of our kind.

“When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean.”

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13 thoughts on “Completely Contrariwise”

  1. Spot on HG the Great! I think this made me even more crazy then the silent treatment!! You told me you loved me! I never said that! But I can tell you when and how many times even the dates! Oh and the there are no rules and then he came up with thousands of them! Why aren’t you texting me as much? And then, I can’t handle all of these text messages!! Absolutely drive me insane!! But you wouldn’t do that to me would you HG? Xo

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  2. Yes. This is exactly how I felt! When i would try to ask him a question about something that he did that confused me. I would get so tounge tied that I couldn’t even complete a full sentence. He would laugh at me because of the way that I was stuttering and I never got my question answerd and he would hang up annoyed with me. I was left upset and still did have a resolution. Wow!

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  3. Oh wow!!! Spot on !!! Nice to finally know I really was not crazy all this time!!! I pride myself on my ability to recall situations and things said and I was starting to doubt that ability. My ex played me just as you described! But I am beginning to see that everyone is starting to see thru him as well since I live in the same area-we live in the sticks lol-so his long drawn out game of hiding his true self is staring to crumble. He will begin to regret that I live so close because all the lies he spread about me are not coming true! He has no choice but to stay here because he has financially gotten himself into a bind. I was always above him and he knew that but his goal was to knock me down…he almost succeeded….I can’t wait to see how this plays out! I am so glad I found you and your wisdom…I now have the ammo I need to play his game…or not play it…however I choose!

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  4. Hahaha so good and si true and the last sentence right to the point. What I choose it to mean….
    Its a pretty difficult trait to deal with.
    I would say also the use of this technique lies also with the spectrum and some Narcissists use it seldom while others are masters of confusion.
    For me was specually difficult to feel confused as I really need to understand what is going on, and how everything works together.,…
    When I look back I think this can also be a red flag and a quick way to identify an NPD. When somebody does not make sense with what they say and do or with what they actually just say….
    As I am a pretty patient person I would just stop and make my own conclusions and breathe out the frustration …..
    ” its seems we have a different logic and we will never reach a common ground, so lets please stop here” 😃
    Have a nice day HG. I ❤️ Reading you. ☀️

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  5. Gaslighting….
    My ex did this to me constantly. Always playing the “you’re crazy” card or the “you’re imagining things again” or “have you taken your meds” card. Changing and then saying nothing had ever changed, I had imagined things were different. Infuriating and crazymaking, much worse than any physical beating. It wears you down, but you can’t see what’s killing you and you begin to question your own perceptions and reality.

    I have a question though. Does your kind REALLY believe, ACTUALLY believe you are always right no matter what? Even if the evidence to the contrary is shoved in your face? Are your defenses so thick you can’t SEE reality? Or do you SEE the truth , but in your panic over falling off your pedestal and the possible loss of fuel, vehemently keep denying the truth that is staring you in the face?

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    1. With regard to your question, the lower functioning of our kind don’t see the contradiction. Those of us who are higher functioning see it but we will deny it in order to maintain the upper hand and control.

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  6. This is spot on! This just happened to me for the hundredth time. He told me on the phone a couple of weeks ago that he had his daughters -father/daughter dance coming up and that it was on 4-15. We had a little disagreement on 4-12 but I texted him anyway on 4-15 and said “have a wonderful time at the father/daughter dance tonight. He then preceded to say “the fact that you know that is tonight is very concerning to me, I never told you what day it was on. What did you do go onto my daughter’s school website and find out, what are you doing stalking me”? I almost shit myself that he would ever imply something like that. He absolutely denied ever telling me and then made me out to be someone who’s obsessed with him and would go to such lengths to find out what he’s doing. That was the the nail in the coffin for me. I know full well now that he has a screw loose and gets absolute pleasure out of mind fuckery. By the way I got photos that he sent me of he and his daughter at the last two dances over the last two years. INSANE

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  7. With my ex husband I became excellent at stonewalling him until he got so upset even after trying to bait me for over an hour he would step foot inside my personal space. I couldn’t physically get away.

    If I tried to avoid the situation being elevated and entered into “his discussion” the moment I realized I fell for his crap I would become enraged and proved true his allegations of me being an angry person.

    Within days of realizing what I had been with for 9 years I filed for divorce and moved out. He did everything in his power to destroy me. He put a damper on my life but I can not be destroyed. That was just over a year ago and I’m almost back to the point I was once he realized done meant done.

    I never once questioned if I made a mistake. I would do it all over again even though it was one of the hardest years of my life due to losing everything and at times ALMOST losing my sanity.

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  8. Omg so true. It makes you so utterly exhausted you just try to agrees with everything they say and then they come up with some new reason you’ve ruined their day!!! Ugh I was so pathetic! But it now explains why he could go on and on for hours argue ing and I could not. I’d be interested in hearing about the sleep deprivation tactic because that was a big one for me.

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