Smells Like Victory

Winning is everything to me. I have to win. This applies to every facet of my life. You will be aware of not only my desire to win but the fact that I always come up smelling of roses. I know you find this particularly unfair as this is something that has been hurled in my direction on several occasions,

“You just walk away from the carnage you create without so much as a scratch.”

“You carry on as if nothing has happened without a care about what you have done.”

“How is it that someone as nasty as you just gets to sail through life untouched?”

“You cause so much misery yet you always land on your feet.”

I am able to fire the useless employee without worrying about how that will impact on his or her life. I do know that this will improve productivity. The weak link has been expunged and the ruthlessness by which it is executed causes those still in employment to work harder. Result? It’s a win. I renege on financial arrangements which leave your position in tatters and mine intact. I use my charm and plethora of excuses to always avoid having to pay for dinner, for an evening out or a holiday. Consequently you carry the burden of our entertainment whilst my bank balance grows. Amazingly, you are aware that I out earn you but the application of my manipulative techniques results in you happily forking out for that weekend away, again. You do it because I have been so loving and charming to you. You do it because I have been so brutal to you yet you still want to please me. Whichever stance I adopt, seduction or devaluation, I secure the desired result. The win.

My lack of conscience and legendary capacity to tell lies sees me grind you into submission during any discussion about financial settlements so that you are left exhausted and just wanting an end to it all. Accordingly, you agree to a far weaker position than that which you might be entitled to. I threaten unfounded complaints to ensure I gain an upgrade, free vouchers or a better outcome for me. I have no qualms about fabricating such a position in order to secure the result I want. It’s another win.

The skill by which I control friendships sees me lob the metaphorical hand grenade into a friendship group and I will stroll away as it detonates behind me causing carnage. I watch from the side lines as friend turns on friend, based on the whispered smear campaign I have created for my own amusement. This is another win as I marvel at my power over people. Nobody has the presence of mind to direct their anger towards me. Oh no, I am too clever to be sucked into that and I can stand and observe the bitter recriminations all stemming from my behaviour. I will always move on to a new relationship without a backwards glance, my smile radiating from every picture and posting that I can muster. I leave you in abject misery as you watch dumbfounded as I find someone new in a matter of days (or more often I already have them lined up). You are staggered as to how I can do this so easily after my proclamations of undying love towards you. How can it be right that you, the one who gave everything and always behaved so properly is left distraught, confused and bereft whilst I waltz around town without a care in the world? Why am I never upset or miserable?  It seems unjust and unfair. Why do I always seem to win? Why do I get the cream, win the main prize and have the golden ticket? It is because of how I am designed. I am designed to win. That is my sole focus. By winning I gain admiration and power which gives me fuel. You know how I need that fuel and therefore to secure it I have to win. Unlike you, I have been created with the skill sets that allow me to behave without integrity, to function without a conscience and to sail through life untouched by moral concerns. Normal people are upset and troubled by my machinations, but I am not hampered by such concerns. They do not affect me. I have been fashioned to always secure the win because without it I cannot survive. That is why I have to win and that is why I always win. There is no hope for any other outcome. By the time you and others have worked out that I have been the architect of the chaos and destruction that surrounds you I am long gone. I have left town and ridden off into the sunset in search of my next victory, having conquered you before any consequences of defeat can come looking for me,

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31 thoughts on “Smells Like Victory”

  1. Ohhhh god yes…you love to win. So much so that you will say the nastiest most vile thing in an argument just to win. BUT you’ve taught me well & I can say some awful things right back to you, without feeling any which way about how it hurts you. So here we are, locked in an argument with no end in sight.

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      1. Take it as you like. All I know is at the start of this argument we were mother & daughter but now, we’re mad-doggin each other like a pair of hardened bitch-convicts on a prison yard.

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      2. I bet!…At least your being honest HG.
        I sadly hate to admit it, but I think I actually excel at doing this these days. Not that I aim to hurt; just being brutually honest. Too many years of conditioned practice and I am always so determined to sort things out and/or help. I guess practice makes perfect. What a skill to have, NOT!😕 Perhaps why I also spring back these days so quickly. I engage when necessary with the same input and vigor as always (as I always give 110 per cent to anything I am involved in) yet I let it go now, very shortly afterwards, as I see it for what It is. And know I gave my best and I am not bothered by any need for anyone else’s validation or concerned by any put downs, or worse. I go back to MY time of day and get on with it. I don’t actually feel bad anymore. It takes two to tango. If you don’t want to dance…don’t ask me. Im not going to be bothered either way. If I’m busy, I’ll even take a raincheck. Tantrums are irrelevant. I ask as I need to now. It’s your call how we choose to play it. I’ll only know how I’m going to react these days when I am in the moment. I respond as I feel. No self imposed or other limits on myself these days. Little has changed; except for my inner reaction before, during and afterwards. My goal is what I have in sight and I respond accordingly. Whenever I find myself getting drawn into emotional disregulation, I am able to see it as it happens and correct myself without being noticed. I am constantly assessing the situation during the interaction and do more psychoanalysis of the both of us than anything. It keeps me out of emotion. A somewhat detached observer if you will. Whilst I do not enjoy it, it’s serves great purpose for understanding others and myself.
        I’m off to sleep. Up in 3.5 hrs to start my day.
        Thanks for today’s insights via your posts HG.

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  2. Read this today and thought of YOU

    Narcissists

    If you are one who’s filled with love and empathy for others
    You should be warned not everyone’s your sister or your brother
    Though understanding may run deep, it’s vital to accept
    There is a beast upon this Earth that’s empathy inept

    The common nomenclature for this creature with no soul
    Is “Narcissist,” whose heart is cold and black and dry as coal
    The yogis, hippies, and free spirits say, “Love conquers all”
    But I assure with Narcissists, the greatest love will fall

    Love will crack and crumble, love will be sucked dry to ash
    Love will shatter when with a Narcissist it does clash
    All the good intentions won’t surmount this tragic fact:
    Narcissists do not reciprocate, they just subtract

    A mental illness that cannot be cured with medication
    Or therapy or quotes or exercise or meditation
    The Narcissist does not feel empathy and can’t relate
    They can’t imagine selfless love, they’re fuelled by selfish hate

    Competitors, they have to win, and so all life’s a game
    That’s why they strive for money, adulation, respect, fame
    They think the world of themselves and their eyes light up so bright
    Whenever someone tells them that they’re good, witty or right

    But Narcissists are parasites and flow in one direction
    They take but never give because they’re missing that connection
    That’s known as “empathy,” the mystic trait that lets us feel
    What others do experience as if to us it’s real

    Empathy, vicarious reality of those
    Who stand across from us, it lets us feel their aches and woes
    Instinctively we know just what to say or do to aid
    To inspire, to comfort, help someone not be afraid

    But Narcissists are lost in space, they don’t feel what you feel
    ‘Cause walking in another’s shoes to them has no appeal
    Their life is all about themselves and others are just tools
    To help them get and feel the things they want, “Empathic fools!”

    Be warned, my friends, no logic, reason, empathy or caring
    No understanding, sympathy, no courage and no daring
    Will get through to a Narcissist because they’re not like you
    Do not be fooled simply because they seem like humans too

    Behind those normal looking eyes is ego which pleads, “More!”
    Never will it be enough, and this is not a war
    That’s worthy of your time or sweat because the Narcissist
    Is tragically a lost cause, not someone you can assist

    This is where you prove yourself a Warrior by action
    By letting go the things you can’t control, by a subtraction
    Let go, walk on, and accept one of life’s truths so dark:
    That there are crazy people who will hurt you known as “narc”

    ~Miro

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      1. HI HG.
        I dont also see you like crazy. And the poem above although is a good writing, it somehow gives me a strange feeling becuase it describes alot how I feel….. and I am a free spirit in this caged world, and I adore the hippie culture, not all but some of their ideas I do like.
        And it just speaks about hurt. We are all humans, even narcissists.

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      2. People use the word crazy for everything, especially when it reached outside the “norm.”

        That’s what’s so awe-inspiring about all of this though – that you are 100 per cent, absolutely, positively in your right mind. You are frighteningly aware of every thought, word, movement. Everything is meticulously calculated, planned.

        You’re in complete control all of the time. Even when you are overcome with rage, you’re in control.

        That’s far, far from crazy.

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      3. Exactly. As I keep telling the good doctors and those who seek to label me. How can it be crazy if it is calculated? How can it be crazy if it is what I must do?

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  3. Does God not play on your heart at all? My exhusband is I’ve learned a narcissist, which still has me just more sympathetic to him. God says to love all and forgive so you can be forgiven.

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      1. Are you religious HG?
        No need to discuss your preferences or beliefs.
        I have known N’s before who weren’t and would have answered as you did, in this instance, referring to themselves as the only “God” in their world.

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    1. Welcome to the blog, 2compassionate!

      Jesus said to forgive everyone of everything…and LOVE them, too…. However, Jesus NEVER SAID or implied that we should accept abuse, and keep going back for more.

      Abuse is sin….and how should a person of God deal with sin? Flee, Run, get the hell out of there!

      Just like Joseph did when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him (Gen. 39).
      If you know you’re weak…and you can’t say no….FLEE!

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      1. It has been a long time since I have read the word Potiphar. I’ll just put on my coat though, it is beautiful, it is red and orange and pink and purple…….

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  4. There cant be a better description of how it is. Yes its true. Almost always they win. Call it relationship, courtcase, negotiation,as bosses, as employees, always or almost always they are winning over and over again. I have analyzed this and I yes the lack of remorse and feelings plays a part but the highly skilled, communication methods and the fact that they know where the other person is going towards to or where the whole thing is heading, kind of ensures the winning.
    The magical charm also contributes, alot of times also the fear and dominance they let in the air of the place where they are, the huge ambition and non-stop attitude that until an objective is attained they dont stop and this goes together with not settling down for something in the middle, I also think narcissists know really really what they want and they just go for it.
    All of the above ensure the victory and they always get it. At least this is what I have seen my whole life. Manage to always get to the top!!!
    As a kid this is the example I had, that I should strive for something, be at the top and fight for what I want.
    I quickly quickly gave this philosophy up and I saw I am just not capable of this. But this feeling always remains… Why I am not capable?
    only until last year when I started reading Ross Rossemberg I understood its okay just to be who you are and all those other things like the standards other people or society give you are not so important.
    I am who I am and that is valuable enough is mainly his message.
    And with HG now you understand what is behind the overachievers, overperformers and the ones who always win.
    It is seldom that you see a non N person at the real top.
    Thanks for posting again HG. ☀️☀️☀️

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  5. Oh, HG. I also wanted to remind you to seriously consider your YOUTUBE videos.
    They would be a blessing whilst driving. I know many people (I can’t relate to them in this aspect at all) that dont like to read or write and watch YouTube over most anything. Each to their own.
    I’d seriously appreciate it, as I have little free time and love to multi task when I can. And I wouldn’t get so side tracked on wordpress. I love to read, (write…restricted there atm though) and communicate with others, but I only get to take this away from my sleep time. Which I am finding easier to find lately…sleep that is (if I could learn to delay my responses to others)
    And you wouldnt have to interact with me. More time for your machinations!

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      1. Oh, I’d never suggest for you to give it up. You have such a natural talent for it. I’d daresay anything you chose to write, would be a gift to any reader. I’m sure it brings you much personal joy; whatever you feel is the reason.
        Lol. You know you’re such a charmer!
        I do think “C” was right about you in many ways. I felt her letter deeply.
        You are most certainly capable of many things. A gentleman you most absolutely are; amongst your other aspects of self. Despite our obvious differences, your demeanour is very much appreciated by me.
        In any case, I can’t wait!
        For now, my love of reading will have to suffice.

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  6. I came across this site a couple months ago. And with what happened today I just had to share a little. I have been married for over 5 years to clearly a narcissistic. Because every narcissistic trait I have read about he has with mind games galore. It has been very hard on me I am a giver but he has completely drained me. Anyway back to what I really wanted to say. Well tonight I stopped begging for my feelings to matter the slightest to him. He started acting like a jerk I told him when you want to have a mature adult conversation we can talk. (Something I have never said cause I am always trying to fix it with no avail its ok when he decides it’s ok and I have no choice in the matter) well that made him so mad . He started saying something about he is going to shut up something something ( well after so many years of this craps I was tired of trying I have never picked back but here I go. I turned to him smiled and said yeah” I didn’t think so.” He yelled on and on while I said what sorry can’t hear you and listened to music( not to loud I could here him fine) he yelled every nasty thing he could think of including but not limited to I F###iNG HATE YOU, YOU ARE F###ing CRAZY, YOU F###ING Retard, You are F###ING Sick ( keep in mind I do not cuse and nor does anyone in my house other than him when he is like this) Well this did not upset me this time at all. I smiled and said what you hate yourself. What you are sick I am glad you can admit that, it’s the first step. Did this to every thing he said or I said what I can’t hear you. Well he yelled some more vile hateful things and kicked the radio at least 7 different times and thew water and some other things. I stayed calm but was worried he would hit me as he has hit me in the past with me not provoking it. Anyway I know a little childish but he was the one upset about it all not me!!

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    1. Hello Ironbutterfly (interesting name) and thank you for reading. What you did was to ignite his fury. You criticised him repeatedly and this wounded him badly. You suggested he was not important enough to listen to, you suggested that his control over you was not as effective as he believes and his fury ignited in response to this. I suspect he is a Lesser because he lost control quickly and dramatically as evidenced by his responses. His responses were instinctive and designed to make you feel frightened and upset as this would have provided him with fuel. The fact you provided very little to him meant that he was weakening. He lacked the cognitive function to determine where else to draw fuel and kept on raging more and more in an attempt to draw fuel from you. How did it end? Did he storm off?

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      1. No he didn’t storm off we were in the car. One of the times he kicked the radio he accidentally kicked the gear shifter also but all was ok. We got home and went to bed separately wich is usual as of lately. I so badly wanted to go to him and hear him out and acknowledge every thing he had to say but I fought it. I had hoped by me not being upset (crying why are you so mean to me etc) and pretending his words and actions didn’t effect me he would lose interest in acting that way but he hasn’t. I have acted like I it doesn’t effect me but it does and hurts so much. I just want him to be nice to me or at least not be cruel and rude all the time. You said he was a lesser does that mean that there is hope? Is there anything that can help. Therapy? He said he would go. His dad is the same way by the way.

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      2. There is no hope with a lesser. He does not know what he is. He operates through instinct and knee-jerk reaction. He will keep on doing this. There will be period of respite but his churning fury is likely to soon ignite as a consequence of your perceived criticisms of him. He may have said he will go to therapy, but whether he actually will do so remains to be seen.

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