The Constant Farmer



Farmers are hard workers. They and us share similarities. We plough a singular furrow through life, unwavering and determined. Their lives are full yet they never really have time or opportunity to connect fully with other people because they have so many demands. They till the field and broadcast the seed, tending to the various crops as they watch and wait allowing the barley or corn, the potatoes or beet to grow to the optimum position before moving quickly to harvest them whilst the sun shines and they can garner the very best from their endeavours. Once a particular harvest has been safely gathered in, they once would burn the stubble and what had been built up was now cut down and razed to the ground so that it returned to the earth. Animals need to be fed, mucked out, treated for disease and tended to when they give birth to new offspring. Buildings must be maintained, fences repaired, the weather watched and produce sold. Cows have to be milked, sheep shorn and pigs sold to bring home the bacon. Lambing time is a repeated battle to ensure the lambs are safely delivered with the farmer rising through the night to assist a particular ewe who may be struggling with her birth. Having helped bring forth the lamb, from the ewe being tupped, to giving birth, the lamb is then sent for slaughter. Again, that which he has built must be destroyed. It is a repeated and endless cycle, much like that which we adopt.

It is the tenth day of a silent treatment. I have removed all contact with you and left you concerned, anxious and bewildered. It is the fourth silent treatment in as many months and each one becomes longer than the one before. You have yet to work and understand what this signifies and fortunately for me you are engaged in trying to work out what is wrong and trying still to contact me. Your repeated messages and telephone calls all provide me with the negative fuel as I envisage you sat there, worried and unsettled as you tap in another text message pleading with me to get in contact with you. I picture you lying awake at night, repeatedly glancing at your ‘phone in the hope that it will light up with a response from me. You wonder what I am doing during this absence and because of who you are, your thoughts are based on concern. Have I fallen ill or something worse? Have I suffered some bad news and become depressed? Have I become a recluse? Your enquiries of my friends have proven fruitless but then they would since my coterie and Lieutenants have all been briefed that you have been horrible to me and therefore they should not respond in any helpful fashion. You hit a brick wall of resistance which puzzles you all the more. The rolled-eyes as a lieutenant shakes his head and hurries away from you as you halt your approach with confusion gripping you. You wonder whether I am locked away somewhere, engulfed in grief. In fact, I am busy hoovering your predecessor who I had just subjected to a lengthy silent period. My time away from you is not spent playing video games, watching cable television or sleeping. Not at all. Just like the farmer, I am busy tending to my crops. I am contacting all my various secondary sources of fuel, giving them a blast of golden sunshine so that their attraction to me does not wane. A few drinks with one set of inner circle friends, some flirtatious text messages with some remotes strangers and drinks with an outer circle friend who is a serious candidate for promotion to an intimate partner if I should tire completely of you and your predecessor. I am sowing the seeds, repairing the fences, milking the cows and shearing the sheep. So much to do. I am also applying my endeavours to the hoover on your predecessor and this is occupying my time as I apologise to her for my period of silence. I explain that I needed to be alone, to assess where my life was leading me and I am sorry I disappeared without saying anything but it just descended on me. I realised I had to change but I wanted to make sure that this was a real, deep-seated desire, not some butterfly like passing fancy and that was why I was gone for so long. I have trotted out the speech before and it is invariably successful and I see no reason why it will not be now. This will result in your silent treatment continuing beyond the tenth day as I take your predecessor back into the fold. I will hopefully be spending the night with her tonight as she has already agreed to dinner, although I will be taking her somewhere you will not find us. I do not want you knowing about her, not yet anyway. I need to safely gather this harvest in before I can boast about how many bushels I have collected. Once she has been hoovered back in I will announce our reconciliation. You will probably learn about it when you look again at my Facebook page for signs of activity. I know you are doing this activity every day, that is why I have not blocked you but there is nothing being posted, so the silence continues. It won’t for much longer and you will learn about her and I being together again, which will of course prompt a large dose of negative fuel from you once you learn of this.

Of course at some point it will be necessary to sow the seeds of seduction with you once again. You are on the cusp of having the flame applied to what remains of your relationship as I erase you, just as fire did to those cropped crops in the past. I will too busy showing off my prize animal, grooming it and feeding it, so it grows strong and plump, the envy of all those who are observing. How does he do it? What is his secret? How does he always manage to find such a prize specimen and make it his? The awards and accolades will pile up, testimony to the excellent stock that I have acquired until it is such time to lead her to the slaughter and cast her to one side, just as I have been nurturing the growth of your crop once again, watering you and allowing hot, golden sunshine to play on you once again.

This is how it is. You may think this silence is one where I am just away from you either ill, isolated or in contemplation. I am not. I am busy with your predecessor, just like the farmer who always has something to attend to. The days roll by, the seasons come and go, but both the farmer and I have work to attend to as we grow and harvest. We are so similar. We both have crops and flocks. We both grow, nurture and develop. We both slaughter. We both harvest. We are the constant farmers.

24 thoughts on “The Constant Farmer

  1. T says:

    I was setting up dates for this coming week on Match this afternoon. I always enjoy these dates. I go into them with a positive attitude… I am getting my mojo back….so I know it’s just a matter of time until I meet the right man to start dating exclusively. It never takes me long to find someone I am attracted to….with the chemistry to go with it. N3 and I have that chemistry that is rare to find….but so necessary between a man and a woman. Our attraction was mutually over 10! Our chemistry was over 10 as well….we mixed well….like best friends in love. It was beautiful….because that part was real… There were never silences on our dates…we finished each other sentences…and we both “knew” we’d marry each other…others saw it….even MEN commented what a great and cute couple we were. That chemistry was undeniably palatable…

    I bought his “story” after that awful 6 weeks of silence post breakup via text. HG, it was verbatim of what you described above….he even cried! I bought it….he was good for weeks after that….dropping hints that we’d get back together when he got his life back on track…. I needed a concrete answer. I wanted to settle down….I’d wait….but I needed him to ask me and a promise….he ignored me….I emailed and said I wouldn’t wait unless he asked….and a friendship wouldn’t work because my idea of friendship doesn’t include ignoring.

    It was soon after I saw his dating profile back online….and the games got worse!

    We did have something special and rare…even an N should recognize a good thing when they have it?

    Personally, I think Dr. Vankin is right…N’s bring about their own abandonment….because they know it’s coming…and they want to control the outcome.

    Only a damn FOOL would throw away what N3 and I had…. *smh*

  2. MLA-Clarece says:

    Hmmm, the metaphorical writing is quite captivating bridging you alongside a farmer. In reality though, I would liken you more to one of the oldest, surviving species and a deadly predator since prehistoric times – our friend, the crocodile.

    Like you, they can wait perfectly still in the water for hours watching their prey move closer and closer so when they pounce, they are assured the win.

    Better yet, they can hoard their food. After they are fueled up, if there is left overs to their prey (much like you akin your discarded victims a shell of the human they once were after your devaluing) they will stash chunks of food under rocks for when later needed…for more fueling, I mean feeding. Rotton or not, they will go back to it. Sounds like the original hoover you have evolutionized.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Good points Clarece, after all,as they say, never smile at a crocodile.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        I better not smile at you then. You’ll look at me like I’m lunch.

        1. malignnarc says:

          Yum yum.

  3. nikitalondon says:

    An impressive “metaphor” you used there to describe the intimate life path of a narcissist. It does sound very sad for the person who has to face the silent treatment and to face the destruction. I had tears in my eyes when I read it because of the memories it brought to me.
    N decided to buy a very old farm house to renew and live happily ever after.
    Besides our house there was a real farm with real farmers who had sheep and hens.
    It tormented me to live there because of several reasons but applied to this posting was the slaughterhouse truck picking them up. It was always sad and it tormented me totally . I dont eat meat.
    On a spring 2 little babylams were born and lost their mother. The farmer lady had to bring them up like a baby feeding them every two hours, red lamps etc. they survived and I was allowed to go to their meadow and bottlefeed them once they were a bit older. I did that everyday with my daughter until they were big. When we would pass by they would come out of their group to greet us.
    I remember one morning N telling me. You better not look outside.
    Of course with these words I ran to look out the window and there it was the truck already full. The meadow empty. I remember the desperation that invaded me. The hot tears rolling down to my tshirt and my chest slowly closing and getting heavy as The truck drove away….

    1. T says:


  4. Forgot to turn my notifications off lol.
    Just read this.
    No triggers…you’re an absolute genius…anymore relaxed and I’d be dead. I have absolutely no reason to be with what is going on in my life at present. My world is chaotic. Drama filled and I’m just cruising. I’m so proud of me. 🎆

  5. Sheila says:

    Wow… I haven’t seen a pile of manure that large since I left the farm. You left out the part that Farmers aren’t out to destroy people. Their careful management of crops and livestock is to help feed nations. A much more worthwhile occupation then for feeding the ego of a Narc, in my humble opinion. It’s also very hard life style that requires 24/7/365 commitment. It’s something you can’t walk away from when it doesn’t suit what you want to do. Also another huge difference between the farming life and a Narc life. Sorry HG, the comparison just doesn’t ring true at all for me. I was part of the farming life for a good many years and you’re not getting any brownie points from me with comparing yourself to a farmer. 😉

    1. nikitalondon says:

      Sheila seems to know it pretty deeply the core of farming.

      1. malignnarc says:

        I have seen a fair amount of farming too. A former girlfriend lived on a farm. Her father had an arable farm with some sheep and cattle. He was an insular man, hard-working and always seemed to be fighting to stay afloat. He liked me though because I could shoot. I visited his farm many times and witnessed his endeavour before taking to the fields with his daughter. I have a friend who has a smallholding and it is quite interesting seeing how he runs it – he has cattle and pigs. The pigs amuse me as they are always escaping and demolishing his garden.

        1. Sheila says:

          I’ve done much more then ‘see’ the life of farming from the outside looking in. I’ve been there, up every few hours to make rounds in the barn during lambing and calving, which generally happens in the dead of winter. Bottle feeding ones that have lost their mothers or been abandoned by them. Arms deep in them trying to attach a puller when there’s a difficult delivery and in danger of loosing calf, foal and/or mother. Spending hours looking over seed catalogues, and planning the next year’s crops. Long days spent in the tractor seeding in the spring and harvesting in the summer and fall. Praying for rain and sunshine at the right times. Hours in the saddle, checking livestock and fence lines. It’s a total commitment and a very deep love of the land and the animals. You’re wrong about farmers being insular though. A farming community is one of the strongest and most loyal and helpful people you’ll witness. We help each other through everything and very often without ever being asked. I’ve been humbled and brought to tears by the love and support of the farmers around me as I struggled one year to take on the full operations of the farm after a horrific accident. Farmers are the salt of the earth and full of care, love, compassion, empathy and loyalty like none other.

          1. malignnarc says:

            I’m not wrong about the two farmers I know well. They are both insular. That is who I was referring to. The farming community is a different beast indeed. I once had to stand in a gap in a drystone wall to prevent a ewe which had a lamb hanging out of the back of it from escaping, as farmer-in-law tried to get hold of it. That was at 4am. The fuel from his daughter though for my part in helping was very much worth pretending to be part of a wall. I have witnessed first hand on many occasions the graft farmer-in-law put in so I am fully aware of what goes into the industry. It certainly ensured I chose an entirely different one.

          2. nikitalondon says:

            I have to say I have exactly the same experience. Now thaf I think about its even two farmers that I know of the same type.
            But living beside that family for 2 years, i never knew with what new cruelty they would come up. Even my exhusband agreed with me in an unemotional way but he agreed.

          3. nikitalondon says:

            Never imagened you had to do so much with a farm sheila. 👍🏻👍🏻. My neighbors I would not describe like you describe farmers… the story with the lambs is just one of many that made me cry, but at the end I cant say anything. I am a 100% city person…

          4. Sheila says:

            I’m a farm girl through and through, Nikita. I could never live in a city surrounded by the barrenness of concrete and steel. I need the lush, fertile earth under my feet and ready for my hands to plant seeds in. The untainted winds to blow sweet, air around me through tall majestic pines, willows and maples. Untamed fields and forest to show me their treasures of mice, moles, rabbits and multitudes of other living things. Living in a city for me would be like being cut off from the essence of life.

          5. malignnarc says:

            I like your description there Sheila.

          6. Sheila says:

            Thank you HG, that’s a big compliment coming from a writer of your accomplishment.

          7. malignnarc says:

            You know me, always giving to receive. You are welcome.

          8. nikitalondon says:

            Haha sheila red hair country girl. I also like your description. I also love the country side,but I grew up until 26 ( except for the year I spent in your beautiful country) in a mini metropole of 2.5 million people therefor I am from the city like it or not.
            Today I live in a small city but outside where there is lots lots of green and parks but its still a city.
            I have to be in the city as working single mom I need to have all near.
            When possible I spend my weekends in the mountains or at the lake/river and rarely go to the city.
            Maybe one day I can have the structure to live in countryside.
            Those two years I livrd the country side was more or less good. On one side The place was veautiful but other details did not fit so at the end it was not a pleasurable experience. More not pleasurable than pleasurable.

        2. nikitalondon says:

          Having the sad memories settles down, I had time to go through Sheilas answer, HGs answer to me, and the posting I have to say that the metaphor Fuel with farming is still valid because as far as I have learned here and with the books I see it like this.
          Farmers dont aim to destroy nevertheless the slaughtering of the animals is a byproduct of the comsecutiom for revenue.
          Narcissists dont aim to destroy people nevertheless people get hurt as a byproduct of the consecutiom of fuel.
          Like we read in the posting a good man with a bad job, the quest for fuel is eternal, the farmers slaughtering is eternal.
          Of course its not the same in real life but as theory for this metaphorical posting I believe still valid.
          What do you think my dear friend Sheila??😃

          1. Sheila says:

            We’ll have to agree to disagree on this Nikita. I am not a vegetarian and don’t see the slaughter of beef, pork, lamb and poultry as destruction. Farmers don’t destroy the land, they cultivate it and nurture it. I’ve never seen a farmer raze a field, but turn over the soil to let the compost renew it. No farmer would forsake their farm and move to another because it gave them higher prestige, nor be fickle enough to run back to one they ignored if it it suddenly seemed more attractive. Farmers aren’t looking for accolades and awards and envy, if they are then they aren’t real farmers.

          2. nikitalondon says:

            Hi sheila,
            Agree with you on the soil and all the other facts you give. About the vegetarian no use to discuss because we will become grandmothers before we agree on something but let me tell you other examples on why I say these people were cruel and they were true farmers. A small farm but a farm.
            They for example needed a sheep dog. As I moved in there their old sheep dog died and they had 3 others in two years. Why so many because 2 of the 8 month puppies barked too much and they were put to sleep as they were useless. Finally the third one earned to live by not barking. I can still see them playfully barking the road when they came back from the meadow.
            The whole village commented what do these people do with the kittens? Because of the very strict animal cruelty laws here nobody ever knew what happened to the kittens of the 3 female cats of the barn where they had hens and bunnies.
            They always misteriously dissapeared and when you asked them the answer was I domt know. Yeah sure about 20 kittens gone with the wind.
            I asked those people why they did not neuter/spay the cats the answer was it is too expensive, but they had money to go to ski whole family of 7 to a not so cheap ski resort. Easier to drown the kittens ( was the village rumor)
            I dont remember now more but one last story was that some days after the sheep were slaughtered it seems they received some legs and they would bring those legs in buckets full of blood and dripping blood with the bones and nerves and everything showing out of the legs and they would leave those buckets for at least two hours on their front yard where kids and everybody walked by in horror. Not to mention the nausea the smell of blood gives some people…
            No sheila not all are like you describe above.

          3. Sheila says:

            There are evil people in all walks of life Nikita. You can’t judge a group of people by the ones that have evil in their core.

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