The Fear

 

 

Fear comes in many forms. It has the capacity to cause dread, anxiety and nervousness. Fear is one of the most powerful tools that exists to facilitate control over somebody. Think back to when you were a small child and the things that frightened you. Many of them have a universal applicability. How many times did you cry out to your mother and father in the night because you were frightened of the “monsters under the bed” and you were terrified that once the bedroom door was closed that something would come creeping out of the wardrobe and induce utter fear throughout you? Perhaps it was the strange shapes that formed once the light was turned off with only moonlight streaming through the crack in the curtains so that the shadow thrown across the room appeared like some old crone waiting to come and take you away and eat you. How many times were you warned as a child never to speak to strangers, never to get into a car with somebody you did not know and never to accept sweets from a stranger? Do you recall how this conjured up images of smelly old men in stained raincoats who waited to abduct you and spirit you away to be locked up who knows where? Perhaps there was that house on your walk back from school which had attracted a certain reputation. It was run-down, the garden overgrown, with bushes spilling onto the path, the windows grimy and paint peeling. You were never sure whether anybody actually lived there. Some said that a witch resided there and she waited for children passing on their own before grabbing them and stuffing them in her cellar to starve to death. Others told tales on stormy afternoons which made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, about the spirits that haunted the old house. A friend would swear that he had walked past, one wet and windy evening, just as it was going dark and he saw the face of a ghostly child staring at him from an upstairs window, the child’s spectral hands knocking against the window as if requesting help. After hearing that tale you took a different route home from school so you did not have to pass this particular house anymore. If that was not possible, you would run past, head down, shouting at the top of your voice to drown out any strange sounds that might come from the trapped ghost child, as you dared not even look towards the house. Fear often stalked your childhood and resulted in sleepless nights, nightmares and a reluctance to go to bed. Do you remember being sent to bed and staring up the stairs towards the darkness wondering what was waiting for you? How you did not want to appear scared in front of your parents (especially since they had let you stay up a while longer because you were a “big boy/girl” now). You wanted to hand those words back as you hovered at the base of the stairs, the hallway colder than the living room from which you had ventured. How many times did the noise of the house settling, resulting in strange groans and creaks convince you that somebody was waiting out of sight in a doorway, their heavy booted foot resting on the squeaky floorboard, rusty axe clutched in greasy, long-nailed fingers?  Did the sight of a clown have you running to hide in the folds of your mother’s dress, that strange leering and accentuated mouth creating panic in your tiny mind? What did that eerie clown have in mind for you?

It might have been a reluctance to paddle barefooted in the sea or a river because you could not see where you were putting your feet. You felt something brush your foot, most likely seaweed, but in your mind some razor-toothed fish was about to take a bite from your ankle or a crab was about to affix a pincer to your big toe. You turned and ran hollering from the edge of the sea back to the safety of the sandy beach. There may have been a murderer’s alleyway in your town, a badly-lit passageway between two roads which was a convenient and easy short cut during the day but a night the purported preserve of lurking knife merchants and yellow-toothed stranglers who were just waiting to pounce and take your life. You stood staring down the alleyway trying to drive the rising fear from you but it just would not go and instead you opted to walk the long way around. It took twenty extra minutes but at least you got home safely.

Fear continued to stalk your life as you grew older. You might not be worried about the bogeyman anymore but he has shapeshifted into the fear that comes with finding a lump about your body and not knowing what it is. Uncertainty about the business for whom you work has you tossing and turning at night. Wondering where the next pay check will come from has you similarly fearing for the future. Walking alone along a road at night and hearing footsteps behind you still causes your heart rate to increase. A glance over your shoulder as you cross the road to the over pavement only serves to heighten your worry as a hooded figure also crosses the road. Your step quickens as your fear increases and your mind floods with images of robbery, rape or murder. When alone in the house at night the sound of a bang from downstairs has you sat bolt upright in bed. What was that noise? Did you dream it? Was it somebody breaking in? Was it something not of this world, a poltergeist perhaps hurling a book against a wall. You cannot see what caused the noise and immediately the fear forms in the pit of your stomach, your racing mind conjuring up a score of unpleasant scenarios as you debate creeping to the top of the stairs and peering down to see if you can ascertain what it was.

Fear takes hold of you and makes your reasoning faulty. It tightens around your throat stopping you from calling out and turns your legs into stone so you are figuratively petrified and unable to escape that unseen tormentor. Fear withers you, paralyses you and you will do anything at all to escape that sensation of fear. It is pervasive, damaging and controlling.

Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror. When you cannot see something you are plunged into fear, its icy grip takes hold and you crumble. The unknown and the unseen create the fear. That is why we are so devastatingly effective in our control of you. That is why we create such numbing fear in you.

0
Advertisements

40 thoughts on “The Fear”

  1. Oh yes, the fear. The fear that you will throw us out of the house naked (my mother LOVED to threaten that every time teenage me didn’t come home on time); the fear that you’ll leave us for another; the fear that you’ll take something (or someONE) we like and make it disappear.

    0
    1. Hi Cara
      Im so sorry what you had to go through. That is horrible abuse to throw somebody naked out of the house.
      All what you post, makes me feel so sorry for you and for what happened. I hope its going okay and you can put enough distance in between your mother and you 😢😢

      0
      1. Yeah she threatened, when I was a teenager and came in after midnight. She’d say, “Since you enjoy whoring around, I’ll throw you out naked like the whore you are so everyone can see”, and I’d come home on time the next few times.

        0
      2. Was very hard for you. Normally what parents do is that you are grounded for the next two weekends.. That is what mine did so I had to settle down for watching HBO 😖😖😖. and yes be on time.

        0
      3. Ground me? Normal?

        If I went out, I was a whore…if I stayed in (by choice), I was a fat worthless loser with no friends.

        0
  2. as always such a good piece of work we get from you for morning coffee. Waking up to fresh coffee and the movies and emotions your writtings evoke is for me a gift of pleasure and happines.
    As I read this morning it was not only images but the fear emotion that I found and let it go back to childhood and forth to now.
    I have to say I did not have such a fearsome childhood, maybe because ( i came up with this now). There was this feeling that there was somebody there for whatever fearfull feeling arose during my childhood.
    I do remember this fears of somebody being out the window or in my closet, or under the bed, but then there was my dog always sleeping besides me and this feelings would quickly fade away, and like this all through my childhood, there was my dog, my dad, my mom, my best friend that practically lived with us, a nannie to whom I had big connection, grandparents, siblings, more friends…
    But as I grew up the situation chamged and I would say I have many more fears now than what I had as a kid.
    I once saw an interview of Maryln Manson where he was saying that as you grow up you get comditioned to live in fear. Products get sold based on fear, he made reference to acne any toothpaste commercials ” if you have acne and brown teeth, the girls wont fuck you”
    And yes like this we grow up to have many fears in adulthood
    Not being a good parent, loosing the job, getting a sickness, getting hurt in a relationship as it always happens,…
    This posting made which took veery long to comment made me realize adulthood is full of fears. I believe this feeling is common in adulthood judging by conversations I have with other people.
    Many fears dont come up often, fortunately because fears are hindering.
    Fears dont let you carry on with your dreams, I have a particular fear lately that I dont know how to totally overcome.
    Being fearless in moments of major fear is ideal but it takes time.
    My way of dealing with fear is faith and spirituality. Believing that God has the best plans for me, that what is meant to be will be meant to be and what not will not, and by giving always the best of me… ❤️💓.
    The last sentence in this blog makes me realize that yes, like Mansons fear explanation of how the market sells, some partners do control the other by instigating fear.
    Like if relationships would not be difficult enough there is fear acting out in a major way, either coming from the partner as HG says or self made because of how much it hurt in the past.
    Yes fear is a big issue in Adulthood.
    Thanks for this blog HG. You with what you share in your blogs and books are my 🌔🌔💓. Have a nice Sunday sh 😘.

    0
  3. I felt scared just reading your various descriptions of times I experienced most of those happenings. The more traumatic and dysfunctional our childhood, highly sensitive people will experience heightened levels of fear.

    Ex N liked to play on my fears. After I shared a specific childhood event that was devastating, he showed up hours later intoxicated and insisted I listen to a song by Santana that was about a similar act of abuse. He refused to turn the song off and seemed to revel in my discomfort…now I know he was wanting to bring up shame and sorrow in me.

    Therapy and Faith have gone a long way in helping me heal. Fear is something I no longer resist. Fear is normal and sometimes healthy. Fear doesn’t rule me anymore. I embrace my fears and sit with them, quietly acknowledging their presence. When I give them permission to be seen and acknowledged- they lose their power significantly.

    HG, the craven creature just wants you to invite him in and give him a cookie and a warm cup of tea. If only you could know and trust that it really is as simple as that.

    0
      1. Oh H.G. the creature is not Cookie Monster. If you let the doctors help you integrate, it could be the missing link on bridging the gap in learning empathy and compassion. It would not take away from what you are now, but make you H.G. 2.0 enhanced!

        0
      2. Well …he’s hungry because you’ve neglected him. But he is also willing to forgive you. He will not devour all your cookies HG. If you are kind and loving to him, he will save your favorite one and give it back to you. That wound feel good HG. Can you imagine that?

        0
  4. I confided my deepest fear to him, and he used that fear against me upon discard to publicly terrify me via social media – as part of his smear campaign. This put me into a type of a physical state of shock. Had a very rough time for a few months, but survived.
    Am stronger and more independent because of this. I actually appreciate life more now. Thank you for this post, HG. It is very meaningful to me. As all your posts and books are.

    0
    1. Hello Hope, thank you for posting and you are welcome. It is common for us to mine you for information at the outset, under the auspices of understanding you and being compassionate. Of course we have no capability to be passionate and we are simply stockpiling the information for use in our arsenal at a later stage.

      0
  5. Beautifully written. I was always afraid of crabs at the bottom of the ocean :).

    There is fear and dread in these encounters. If one gets tired of feeling afraid and dreading the consequences of leaving one can get the energy to start separating and fighting. In spirit it is a little like the fight in the limo in What’s Love Got To Do With It? where Tina Turner finally turns on Ike.

    People here have been through so much. So much to be grateful for at the other end if we can savor feeling safe(r).

    0
      1. Yes this is true… When you put it like it this.. 😂😂. I had to google what this was.
        The person setting up the defences does not notice she is in this pattern

        0
  6. A crab got in my bathing suit when I was a kid. Ouch!

    I loved it when Tina STUCK IT to Ike! He slithered away into nothingness and git what his sorry abusive ass deserved. Men who use their fists are the lowest of the low.

    0
  7. Hi Cat

    What you wrote is very nice
    “Let your dreams and not your fears guide you”
    Its important to get the energies to fight fear. The force, the faith and the energies.
    The TT song is my favorite from her because she sings with so much feeling.
    the the thrill, the heart jumping and the butterflies flying also bring a scary feeling like the song says
    And yes specially those who have had so much pain in the past like all the ones who daily visit this blog, tend to have a bigger sense of protection making the sense of feeling safe Distant.
    Nevertheless we all have to be thankful for still having dreams and feelings.
    Hugs 🌹

    0
      1. Hi.!

        New here? Welcome!
        I said before just having faith an believing that what will be for me is for me or remains for me and what not no, while trying my best when under my control.

        And when not under my control just pray and try not to think.
        Like once I was on. Bus. Trip coming back from Toronto and we had taken off like at 10pm. And gone to sleep. After 16 hours or so the plane started shaking and shaking so bad that the lights went on and the pilot said that we were going through a snow storm that we should be awake. Then 10 minutes later it was worse. The plane was really going up and down while shaking. I saw nervousness in the flightattendants. When the pilot said that we have to keep calm but ” we remind the passangers this aircraft has 8 emergency exits, 4 at each side of the plane , we ask all passangers to keep calm and identify the nearest emergency exit”…. I felt like fainting. I dont recall ever having had so much fear.
        I then thought it is what is.. And started praying and could survive the storm without fainting.
        Its mindset and faith.

        0
  8. You don`t have to be a genius to figure out that the world spins on fear. Just look at the government – constantly playing into our fears to justify war, famine and other atrocities.

    There isn`t too much I fear, though I can admit sometimes, the things that go bump in the night give me goosebumps. That`s why it`s always nice to have a narc nearby because guaranteed he’ll get up and clobber the things that go bump for interrupting his beauty sleep.

    I jest…..

    I have found the best way to deal with fear is to understand much of what you fear is completely out of your control and there`s not much you can do about it. If you can`t do anything about it, why waste time being afraid? If you can do something about it, get off your ass and do something!

    0
      1. It’s what helps me live a life unencumbered by fear.

        Plus, fear makes life boring. You miss out on so much when you’re afraid.

        I made up my mind a very long time ago to not fear rule my life and as a result, I’ve led a very interesting and fulfilling life so far.

        I understand completely that fear is essential to your kind because it makes people easy to manipulate. I also understand completely that pretty much everyone who runs the world is a narc or sociopath or psychopath or all three wrapped in one dangerous package, because fear is being shoved down our throats daily.

        0
  9. Your post sent me to my early childhood.

    When I was a small child (4-5 years old), I was afraid of darkness. I was afraid of dark rooms, streets, night. I couldn’t sleep without lights on. All night “monsters” were mine.

    My grandfather gave me a lesson. It was a bed time and he came to my room to wish me “Good night”.

    He said “I see you are afraid to sleep without lights on… Why?”.

    I said “Monsters. They want to kill me and only light can repell them”.

    He said “They want to kill you because you are not their friend. You should befriend them and they start to protect you instead. Let’s see how it works…” and he turned the lights off!

    I sat silently, completely paralized with horror. When my eyes became accustomed to the darkness, my grandfather said “Can you see thas monster on the right wall (in was the landscape picture on the wall)?”

    I said “Yes. He is the most frightening “person” in this room”.

    He said “Let’s say to him “Hello, my name is ***, how are you?”…

    Then my grandfather and I started to “talk” and laugh with all those monsters in the room. It was so funny! I didn’t notice how my fear and panic were disappeared.

    Then my grandfather said “Well, ok, I need to go to sleep, so I better leave you with your new friends. Have a fun, but remember you need to wake up early. Tomorrow morning we both are going to fish!”.

    I said “Ok, good night!”

    When he left room, I sat in the dark room and felt comfortable with all those monsters. I said to them “Oh, I better go to sleep too. Good night, guys, and thank you for everything! See you next time and we are going to have a fun again!”.

    At the next morning my grandfather asked me “How did you sleep?”

    I said “Excellent! I’m not afraid of monsters anymore! As it was revealed, they are nice and kind guys!”

    And my granfather said “Always remember one thing. If you afraid of something, befriend it and you’ll see another world”…

    I use his advice even nowadays. I was lucky to have such excellent teacher. He was a Narc, by the way, very strong and powerful man. I loved him with all my childish heart.

    When he was dying (I was 18), he demanded that everyone left his room aside of me. I talked to him to the end. Shortly before his death, he said “Darkness… I’m afraid of it”.

    I said “If you afraid of something, befriend it and you’ll see another word…”.

    He smiled and said “Touché”. Good old times. Eeh.

    Thank you for evoking such precious memories, Tudor.

    0

Leave a Reply