Don’t Let Me Down

I have exacting standards. It is important to do so in order to achieve success and make my mark on the world. Owing to this, I hate being let down. If you tell me that we are meeting for lunch at 1pm then I expect you there at 1pm. Politeness is the punctuality of kings. If you are late you are telling me that you do not value my time. That is unacceptable. If you explain that you can deliver the product I want, the way I want it and in the colour I have chosen, I expect you to adhere to that. I am not interested in excuses. I will exert my influence as far as I can to ensure that what I have been promised is provided. I will cajole, coerce, persuade and harass to ensure the outcome is as was confirmed to me. Hotels, restaurants, shops, online providers, sporting venues, bars, people, products – all of them have been subjected to my precision and desire for high standards. I provide excellence in my profession (of course aided by a legion of underlings but it is at my direction).

Nobody likes to things to be wrong do they? Nobody wants a blue car when they asked for black. Nobody wants the wrong name or age on their birthday cake. I am sure I am not alone in my desire to achieve error-free services, goods and people. That is a laudable sentiment. Should I fail to deliver on my promises then it will be because I have been let down first. I have an aversion to disappointment and my failing can only arise as a consequence of the neglect and negligence of another. Each and every day I strive to ensure that I am not left flailing in the wind, as dejection cuts through me as a consequence of having been let down. It cannot happen again.

Where does this demand for delivery and high standards come from? It comes from my dread and fear of being let down. I cannot stand it. It breaks me in two and rips open a wound that has never properly healed. Being let down undermines me, makes me feel unwanted, unnoticed and unappreciated. All things which are anathema to me. He let me down all those years ago. I relied on him. Well, we relied on one another. It was, or at least it was as I thought, an unbreakable bond. I looked to him and admired how he carried on, when all hope seemed to have gone. The towering waves of misfortune and misery would crash against him but he was always unbroken and unbowed. He said that he would always look after me. He told me that he would protect me against those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I knew the world was a dangerous place, a cruel domain which showed no mercy and took no prisoners. I had seen with my own eyes what this place had done and could do. I was under no illusion as to the harshness of the vagaries of treading along the mortal path. He listened to my hopes and fears and he understood them like no other. He made me feels safe and wanted. I hung on his every word, mimicked what he did and pledged my unswerving loyalty. He accepted my fealty with open, gracious arms and I fell into them, safe in the knowledge that nothing could tear us apart. He promised me that,

“I will never let you down.”

I still hear his voice saying those words. But he did. He left. He let me down.

37 thoughts on “Don’t Let Me Down

  1. T says:

    Was this person you’re grandpa, HG? An older brother?

    1. malignnarc says:


      1. nikitalondon says:

        Your best friend?

        1. malignnarc says:


          1. nikitalondon says:

            Sounded like… Its sad to loose best friends. Did you loose completely comtact? Real friendships prevail over time and difficulties..

    2. T says:

      Do you feel that God let you down, HG?

      1. malignnarc says:


  2. *Not bleed, dammit.

  3. Granted I haven`t read all of your books yet, but this might just be the first time that I`ve seen you say something that I perceive to be a bit vulnerable.

    I mean, you’ve skirted around the fact that your mother basically made you what you are (mentioned without really getting into it), but your comments were hardly…..moving.

    The last line moved me, as much as anything you say can move me because I know, of course, this is your end-game. Move me so I feel sorry for you and want to take care of you just so you can turn around and slit my throat with my own kindness and compassion.

    In any case, I am incline to take back what I said about you not being human before. Because that last line, whether real or meant to generate fuel, gives you some humanity.

    And not the “If you cut me do I need bleed” bullshit either.

  4. bethany7337 says:

    I have a plaque displayed in my home that says “I may always be late but I’m worth the wait”. It used to piss ex N off something fierce. It is a character defect for sure. I wouldn’t let him berate me for it…since there were times he showed up a day Or ten late.

    I’m not clear on who let you down HG. It reads like your Dad? My instincts are to soothe and cajole but it will fall on a stone heart yes?

    1. malignnarc says:

      It wasn’t my father.

  5. I am conditioned to turn up early so as to not be late; ever.
    I don’t knock until the time. I just ensure I’m there when I agreed to be. I do expect the same. I am, however, okay if I am notified as to someone being late and a reason is given. I respect others time etc and expect the same in return. I do run into problems with others and will address them directly if it continues.

    In life and business I provide my best (difference being I do alot of the work directly myself also; as well as managing and organizing it.) And expect the same in return.
    I am a hard but fair boss and I don’t ask for anything I am not prepared to do or ask if myself.

    I am similar, yet also very different with letting others down and being let down.

    These days, I’m slowly changing to be much more assertive than ever and choosing my battles. Both on and off the field. I’m accepting less unacceptable behaviour and altering my standards in the sense that I am beginning to treat others with the same disregard/disrespect or dismissal if they continue to do so, especially after being discussed and/or addressed about it.
    It’s hard being a part of your kind’s world intimately though HG. For your kind does not alter in their stance; as usual, only if they choose to…or feel that they are “made” to.

  6. nikitalondon says:

    HG at least that part of your world of high standards is communicated, some Ns do it better than others , then at least somewhen you learn this high standards the other person has to have and I would even say, for you( all N’s) its not possible to live out of those standards right? Nothing works out of those standards…
    Of hearing them so much and seeing the benefit of them I did adopt some formyself. The ones I provide myself.
    On the otherside .. Its sad when someone leaves and had promised so much…. The heart break in our case and the let down in your case is in any case painful. 😢. Its felt in your words.
    Sorry to hear. I am sure there are more people in your life that are not letting you downand wont let you down. ❤️

  7. Non Draco Sit Mihi Dux says:

    This is not the writing of a man…this comes from the heart of a woman, the heart of a woman who was in love…true love…and I know the why for this site and the books now: you’re a saint, you know.

    1. malignnarc says:

      So my mother always told me.

  8. mlaclarece says:

    I’m a perfectionist myself, and hold everyone in contact with me to very high standards as I do myself. As a Project Manager for my orofession, problems arise frequently at jobsites dealing with construction for all kinds of reasons. Some due to weather elements all the way to operator error. My classic MLA line to being given an obstacle or problem is, “don’t just bring me a problem without having a solution to resolve it.” Bet your bottom dollar if I’m the messenger with a problem, I already have contingency plans A, B, & C to pitch and discuss to move forward.
    If you set your standards as high as you claim for yourself, then you do realize your answer to me the other day about shifting the battleground when confronted with irrefutable logic on an issue is subpar and clearly is a bad reflection of you. Has that point of view ever crossed your mind?

    1. malignnarc says:

      My standards are high so that I can not concede therefore the shifting of the battle ground is entirely consistent with that approach.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        Nope. You are putting blinders on and being stubborn and obtuse. Lol

        1. malignnarc says:

          I am never stubborn, I hold my position. Not am I obtuse.

          1. mlaclarece says:


      2. Non Draco Sit Mihi Dux says:

        Should we ever meet, I shall wipe the tears from your face, the stigmata of your suffering.

  9. Becoming Observant says:

    Is this your uncle?

    1. malignnarc says:


  10. T says:

    Hook the bait with your heart and the fish will bite….❤️

    HG, you write so beautifully…..💋

    Thank you! *hugs*

    1. malignnarc says:

      Thank you.

  11. Fool me 1 time says:


  12. fool me 1 time says:

    I can feel your pain in this writing and it actually brings me to tears! I am sure he did not want to leave you he had no choice in the matter did he HG? I am very sorry! 🙁

    1. malignnarc says:

      No there was no intent but I was let down all the same.

  13. D says:

    What about if I turned up 1:03pm?

    Are you talking about your dad?

    1. malignnarc says:

      You would be late D. I said 1pm.

      No I am not.

    2. He said 1 pm. Not 1:01 p^m or 12:27 pm. 1 pm.

      You`re damned if you`re late because you don`t respect him, don`t care enough about him or his time or your relationship to be on time. It`s so rude and selfish to keep him waiting. Why do you have to be so rude and selfish all the time? You`re always late…..

      You`re damned if you show up early because then you`re trying to show him up, perhaps attempting to make him feel guilty because you got there five minutes early and he kept you waiting. Why couldn`t you just be on time? Why are you always trying to show me up or make yourself seem better than me? You`re always trying to show me up…..

      1. malignnarc says:

        Got it.

  14. Witches brew says:

    But it’s OK for narcs to let others down. Make it seem as if all is well, on track, and then find something wrong with something said, and then the silence begins, pulls away, and a reluctance to want to hang out, a letting down disguised as “boundaries”. Narcs have no boundaries, they have periods of cycling through supply in which you are being punished because hey it’s Tuesday… Lol. Sit over there and I will get back to you when I am bored with Becky, Tina etc… Set ya up, let ya down…but nope they can’t take it.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Indeed Witches Brew,standard behaviours.

  15. Cara says:

    Oh yes, Mother, you have exacting standards. When you say lunch is at 1 pm, you mean one pm sharp. I grew up under your standards & they are now ingrained in me. Now when I lunch with friends, I’m the only one who shows up at 1:00 pm sharp when lunch is scheduled for one…unlike you, however, I’m not mad at them when they arrive at five after. It’s just I can’t bring myself to get there at five after because your voice is in my head, saying “are you so goddamn lazy you can’t get there on time” & “do you think you’re a princess that they should all wait while you make an entrance”.

    1. malignnarc says:

      Such is the power of conditioning Cara.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

The Fear