The Twenty Symptoms of Victimhood



Our control and domination of you commences when the seduction begins and from our perspective this will continue through the golden period (although it all feels wonderful) through the devaluation and beyond when we hoover you and smear you. This control and domination is central to the extraction of fuel. This control and domination keeps you where want you. This control and domination has significant consequences for you, consequences which we aim for. We aim for them because they signify to us that our machinations are working. We aim for them because they reduce your ability to resist and tell us that in this ongoing war we are winning and you are losing. Our approach is always one zero sum. We can only win what you will lose and this is why our need to win and succeed has such devastating effects. Here are twenty signs we aim for once we have you ensconced in the grip of our devaluation.


  1. You do not trust us.
  2. You regard our control as paternalistic, since you are not trusted to make your own decisions.
  3. You require our permission to do anything.
  4. Hoping that things will return to the golden period again and stay that way,although they never do.
  5. Hoping that we will change for the better although that never happens.
  6. Always feeling like you are on the back foot.
  7. Repeatedly feeling humiliated by us.
  8. Keeping your head down in the hope we do not pick on you.
  9. Near constant worrying about whether you have done something right or not.
  10. Always saying “sorry” even when you have done nothing wrong.
  11. Always on edge.
  12. Repeatedly lying to third parties to cover-up what is really happening to you.
  13. Never expressing your opinion for fear that it is wrong.
  14. Feeling that you need us but you don’t know why.
  15. Preferring for us to make decisions on your behalf.
  16. Never feeling equal to us.
  17. Always being the one to compromise
  18. Feeling lonely.
  19. Unable to understand what is happening.
  20. Blaming yourself for what has happened.

13 thoughts on “The Twenty Symptoms of Victimhood

  1. Mary says:

    Cat1520: You are on point about generalizations. Just this afternoon, I was helping my boss print something and was worried I was in his way, and I started apologizing. Had not done anything wrong, and he was not annoyed with me, but I found myself apologizing. I do this a LOT.

  2. Nuit Étoilée says:

    17 out of 20.. which is why I have to run away..

    I hope you understand..


  3. The convalescent codependent says:

    With my ex all 20 applied.

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Yes to many of these. 14 sticks out. You may realize you don’t need him and still find it difficult to admit it, even when it’s tossed in your face.

  5. cat1520 says:

    What happens when we score 20 out 20?

    Another bad thing about these signs is that they can generalize to whatever other relationships you have been able to maintain. Suddenly people say “what happened to you? You were never like this!”. It’s brainwashing.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If you score 20 out of 20 you are in trouble and we really are in xontrol

      1. cat1520 says:

        Thank you for your response HG.

  6. Cody says:

    HG, how long after you met ex Mrs. HG did you propose? How long after you met her did you know you were going to marry her?
    Elsewhere you mentioned she was chosen because she was a super empath, and also it was about timing. So I take this to mean you were at a stage where you were looking for a Mrs. to complete the image needed at that time, and she just happened to be the super empath who came along at the “right” (for you, at least!) time?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Around six months. It was about four months in when I knew for certain that marriage would prove most beneficial for career advancement. Yes, she came along at the right time although I was looking for someone to fit the bill as I knew which way the wind was blowing career wise.

      1. Cody says:

        I’ve now been “with” (haha) G for almost nine months. Less if you mean actual amount of time spent together or in what I know now as a golden period or benign hoover. I hang in there for the same reasons we all do- hoping for a return to the golden period. (Maybe THIS time will be different!). My friends have said that he doesn’t act like he’s in any rush to marry me and I’m wondering if they’re right. Maybe I should be grateful. I don’t know. Depends on the day.

  7. Very good points, thank you

  8. Cara says:

    I remember needing my mother’s permission to do anything (well, I remember it, but none too fondly), and being made to apologize when I didn’t know what I had done. It seemed at times all she wanted was for me to just apologize, say I was wrong (because if I was wrong, then she was right)

  9. nikitalondon says:

    Very good.. But I cant say much this time..
    Only very very good. Enlightening for all readers and this is good.

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