Enjoying the Silence

thUA4YRP4ZEnjoy the Silence is a magnificent song and I hope that Depeche Mode won’t mind me using a picture of their cover. I remember when I first heard this song in February 1990 (yes it is over 26 years old) and not only did I think it was a superb song it epitomised my view of silence. I wrote about how I use silence as a weapon, it is my silent assassin. I enjoy using it because my first deployment of it indoctrinates you to a way of thinking. There are, however, other reasons why I enjoy it.

Firstly, I don’t have to do anything. Yes that’s right. I don’t have to say or do a thing. I just walk away and stay away from you. I love anything that saves me energy whilst provoking a reaction in you and that is why the silent treatment is one of my favourite, if not my favourite method of getting to you. I also know that you won’t just shrug your shoulders and think “Oh well, he will get in touch when he is ready to, I will just get on with my life.” I know this because your type just do not do that. You care about other people so if you think something is wrong (and especially if you then begin to think that you are the cause) you will do anything you can to try and ascertain what has happened and then repair it. That means that you will not stay away. You see, I have it all worked out.

Secondly, once I have given you a concentrated and potent dose of the silent treatment you will be ever anxious to avoid a repeat. You hated it so much you will always be alert to it happening again. This puts you in a state of hypervigilance. You cannot settle. You are anxious. You are always looking to see if there is a trigger for it happening again. You start to try and second guess me to ensure what you are about to say or what you are about to do won’t result in you being consigned to silence again. Thus you become compliant and will do what I want in order to keep silence at bay. Very effective wouldn’t you say? With a couple of ex-girlfriends and a work colleague who I had subjected to the silent treatment, when I was about to do it again, I left them a copy of the Depeche Mode CD and then walked away. The power surge I experienced when I did that was immense.

43 thoughts on “Enjoying the Silence

  1. LauraSun says:

    It is really interesting to analyze lyrics from the narc point of view. Why are some (I suppose Greater) narcissists so honest in their art, HG? Aren’t they afraid to be found out? Or does it amuse or even thrill them to hide in plain sight? Don’t they give away power this way? Or is it worth the risk? Do they maybe want to be recognized by their own kind? (Perhaps because – like you – they are drawn to art made by their own brethren? But doesn’t that make you feel less special to see that others are like you?) Always many many questions…
    I remember trying to make sense of certain lyrics, seeing them through the empathic lense, yet when I put the HG-narc-glasses on, the meaning suddenly became crystal clear. So thank you so much for that!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hiding in plain sight is not giving away one´s power.

  2. Dolores Haze says:

    I just did a round-up-your-decade thing on Spotify and the algorithm told me my band of the decade is… Depeche Mode. Meaning I listened to them more than to any other band. Surprise. I guess my ex-Narc had a point when he told me whenever he hears DM on the radio it makes him think of me.

    I actually interviewed Dave once upon a time in my youth when the band was touring in my country. A perfect gentleman.

  3. Kiki says:

    Hg , the Smiths songs are torn with deep pain , how do you relate to this type of music.It is very soulful and delves into hurt and rejection .
    Just curious , I thought a narc would prefer shallow music .
    Of course correct me why I’m wrong

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This charming man approves.

  4. LJ says:

    HG, do you think Martin Gore is one of your kind? I find a lot of his lyrics coming from a very narcissistic place, lots of songs on Violator especially

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello LJ, I agree that he is. He is a very talented member of our club.

      1. Seduced says:

        omg indeed he is. Smile in the crowd is so spot on!

  5. Iam says:

    My impression is that Tudor’s musical preference is most likely Pink, Guy Sebastian, Jason Derulo and the like. She is a narcissist, but likes to think she’s a victim of narcissism. Basically she’s got her head so far up her own arse, she can’t see that it is in fact her that has suffered a narcissist injury because some guy is plainly ‘just not that into her’. Whatever supposed advice she espouses through this hate filled diatribe is dangerous and pathological.

  6. denarcist101 says:

    Quite scary: this was my narcs favorite song he said. The song he wanted on his funeral, he old early on in the relationship.
    I always wondered why he liked it so much. Your post puts everything in a different perspective. Wow!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Denarcist101 and thanks for your post. Is the 101 significant to Depeche Mode at all?

      1. denarcist101 says:

        No, not to Depeche Mode. The 101 is the A-Z to my narc. Depeche Mode is his favorite band. You narcs though love to use songs /lyrics to give a message. Think you wrote about that before, HG?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I understand. Yes we do love to use songs/lyrics. A favourite tactic is to claim to have been damaged by the abuse of the current/predecessor so that it is easier to use songs to convey to you how we feel because we can not yet speak of love. In fact, you have inspired me to write about that very point. Thank you.

  7. Raunchy and frenetic – exactly. I couldn`t find my words because I am tired and incredibly indifferent today. Not a good mix for anyone who happens to be in close proximity, I`m afraid.

    I am curious to know – do you enjoy the Prodigy? Now that is some raunchy, frenetic, chaotic, music.

    I happen to adore them.

    I was listening to music last evening, including the song you recommended to me earlier in the day, and popped in NIN`s the Downward Spiral to cap off my night.

    The song, Closer…….Do I even need to say more?

  8. One of my favourite songs by the them is on the Songs of Faith and Devotion album. It’s “I Feel You” and not only do I happen to find it a very seductive song, I also find it quite dark and imposing.

    The guitar in that song takes over my body.

    “Dream On” is another dark favourite of mine.

    I absolutely love the fact that you left a copy of “Enjoy the Silence” and wish I could have be there to give a standing ovation for the simple brilliance of the gesture!


    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am obliged B&T. I Feel You is indeed a kick ass song. I especially like the Helmet at the Helm remix which I find brings an added urgency to an otherwise raunchy and frenetic song.

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    Another excellent song. Time races by, no? They were already around 10 years when that song came out but you know that I’m sure. What a mind f*ck to leave that cd with your prey.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes they had been going for 10 years. Enjoy the Silence was released in the UK in Feb 1990 and was from the album Violator which was released the following month which is a near perfect slice of electro-pop dark synth compositions.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        Awww, you’re so cute when you talk about your band heroes!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha, but of course I am.

          1. mlaclarece says:

            DM’s music really set the soundtrack for my college years do I associate their music with really happy times!

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        I snapped up Violator when it first came out. It was on cassette. My cassette player ate many Depeche Mode tapes and later the cd player did the same with the cds, well, made them all skippy.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You couldn’t beat buying the vinyl. It looked like you had purchased something. You could admire the sleeve design, read the sleeve notes, learn the lyrics and then that wonderful moment as the needle was lowered and there was that crackled pause before musical bliss erupted. Did you spend much time spooling cassette tapes with a pencil?

      3. 1jaded1 says:

        I remember vinyl and reading the sleeves etc. It is back again. It’s cute how the young fawn over records like they are some brand new thing. No patience to spool cassettes. That said, I would have worn the vinyl out too.

        What other bands do you like?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          All the ones you like. Naturally.

      4. 1jaded1 says:

        Ha! Walked into that one…

      5. 1jaded1 says:

        I walked into it, not you. Of course you would like what I liked. I was curious to who besides Depeche you listened to. You gave me an honest answer. Number 1 said he was going to refine my musical tastes. My primary was DM and groups like. Then, punk rock and then classical. I asked him what he meant by refined as I pulled out my classical music… His answer was smooth jazz.

        My second loved country. I can do that just above smooth jazz. Gravity Kills csme to concert with the Sex Pistols. I was foing with or without. I know now that he went bc I might find someone with a genuine connection to the music. Can’t have that now, right?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          In terms of genre I like electronic music, dance, some indie, a little rock and classical. Some musicals, a bit of ska.(Master of the House from Les MIserables is an understandable favourite). If you happen to like these genres too, it is easier. If you do not, I will happily mirror the ones you like, you never know I might find something new which I like.
          I am not a fan of R&B, metal, soul (who’d have thought that eh?) in general but as with everything these will be the occasional anomaly in amongst all of that.
          In terms of actual artists well DM are the forerunners by some distance but you can also include New Order, St Etienne, Dubstar, U2, Pet Shop Boys, Erasure, Recoil, Front 242, Electribe 101, Royskopp, Susanne Sundfor, Madonna (when she was good), The Smiths, Faithless, 808 State immediately spring to mind. I even enjoy a bit of Britney Spears now and again! I actually have connections to three of the artists mentioned above.

          When you heard the words “smooth jazz” which part of you died first?

          Absolutely that number two attended to keep out others, makes perfect sense.

          Which artists do you enjoy?

          1. BC30 says:

            HG, I believe you mentioned and recommended a newer artist(s) who is doing covers of DM songs or music heavily inspired by DM. I’ve searched and searched, but can’t find it. Who is the artist(s)? Maybe it was in one of the Q&As. I just don’t know. 🥺

            This is a fantastic line-up, I’m going to tweak some of my playlists on Spotify.

            (I hate jazz. I just hate it. I can’t. I’ve tried.)

          2. HG Tudor says:


          3. BC30 says:

            Thank you!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

          4. Eliza-BadGrammer says:

            HG Im with you on DM, Pet Shop Boys, U2 and many others …Simple Minds … Loved them ? ..curious about which Madonna songs … I have two favorites that were fun to dance to.

      6. 1jaded1 says:

        Pretty much every part died. I worked at a place and the owner played classical. When the opera hour came on, the owner instructed us to put smooth jazz on. I asked her if we could keep opera on. Nope. Major trigger.

        DM, Erasure (they played a small venue in my podunk town..so much fun to see cuz nothing happens in that town), Ministry, New Order, Electronic, The Smiths, Moby, Gravity Kills, The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, The Dead Kennedys, Violent Femmes, The Clash. Beethoven, Bach, Vivaldi (got a speeding ticket because so into the music), Tchaikovsky, Mozart plus many more. Front 242 and 808 State bring back the memories.

        I’m not gonna try to guess which three. Nice though.

        Ha…soul…I lost mine so i can’t understand the music. Right.

        Ska. That is a genre that I need to take a listen.

        Thank you.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thanks for sharing. You are the first person I know who has got a speeding ticket for Vivaldi, I might pinch that trait for myself. Cultured yet edgy.

    2. 1jaded1 says:

      You will own that trait, HG. You probably aleady do.

  10. Leilani says:

    It’s ok Cara, I’m from California.

  11. Leilani says:

    Yes, I would say very effective.

  12. Cara says:

    I do like “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode & a copy of their CD would be a nice gift…I might even rather hear that than hear you speak.

    1. Leilani says:

      Hello Cara, is Depeche Mode a European Band?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        DM are a British Band. They hailed from Basildon, Essex in the south-east of England and formed in 1980. They have achieved global success selling hundreds of millions of records whilst creating numerous outstanding songs. They have had a couple of changes in line-up but remain 36 years later.

        1. Leilani says:

          Awesome. Thank you. I’m going you check them out on youtube.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Enjoy. There is a lot to check out.

      2. Cara says:

        They are, but I live in Brooklyn, NY

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