Hounds of Love

 

One of my ex girlfriends, Kate, was a big animal lover. She was always sponsoring some rare monkey in Africa or baking cakes to raise funds to save the gay whale or such like. People often remarked how fortunate I was to have someone so caring. I would tell them if she spent less time playing Dr Doolittle then maybe I would not have to sleep in the spare room so often. I remember this used to get me some puzzled looks and for an instant I could not understand why but then I worked out they thought I was being mean so I used to tell them the bed was always full of her dogs so there was no room for me. They would smile and nod. Too easy.

Anyway, she got involved in volunteering at an animal shelter which did not impress me and to add insult to injury she expected me to walk and feed her dog whilst she was out being St Francis of Assissi. I kid you not. So on the two evenings when she was helping out I would invite her sister Amanda over. She would feed the dog and I would pretend I had taken it for a walk. (So long as I let it out in the garden and did its business (which I would fling over into next door – I guess that’s why we have new neighbours) Kate thought the hound had been walked. Thus I was able to lure in Amanda. She was low hanging fruit. Ignored by her boyfriend it only took a couple of weeks of texts and declarations of compatibility and I was bedding her each time she came round. Kate would come home and spend most of her time petting her dog but I had someone else to distract me so I let that flagrant failure to give me attention slide a little. Not totally as I still used it to remind her of how neglectful she was of me. I did notice though that she was spending more time and more money on the hound and was obviously doing it to provoke me. Her sister Amanda then started to change. She was initially great fun, vibrant, passionate and interesting but then she got whiny and needy and had the audacity to start criticise my girlfriend Kate. That was not on. She would still call round twice a week, even when I stopped inviting her and I had grown tired of bedding her. I had decided that Kate was the better choice of the two and wanted to focus my attentions on her but she doted on that wretched dog.

Demonstrating the decisive decision making that is my hallmark I took prompt action. On an evening when Amanda had called over I agreed to sleep with her. Before doing so I let pooch out into the garden and opened the gate. I went through the motions with Amanda and then had just returned downstairs when Kate returned. A few moments passed and then she began to call for the dog and with increasing urgency. The hound had gone. I blamed Amanda. Cue sibling fall out. The upshot of it was Kate never spoke to her sister again. Amanda never called round and pestered me and the dog was gone.

Two birds and all that.

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81 thoughts on “Hounds of Love”

  1. H,
    My friends ex husbands Somatic N, went so far as to break the dogs neck by “accidentally ” stepping on it. Thus killing the dog. Hmmm, this was after the dog had twice peed on the bedroom carpet on his side of the bed which he stepped in. Coincidence? He said let’s not take it to the vet, let’s just bury it in the backyard so it can be nearer to you and you can be reminded of him. Cue Evil music. Yes Narcissists are scary. Should I tell you how his first wife died?

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    1. This Is Beyond horrible, I am glad you said ex in your story. My ex fiancé used to be abusive to our kitten, when I told him to stop, he said better it then you. I took kitten and gave it to a friends daughter. The kitten made me happy too. That might have been issue, attention away from him. He was jealous and controlling. I won’t even think about if he was a narcissist too. The thought despairs me, what if they all were? I would rather not know,

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  2. Back by request, feeling the faux love! Thanks H.
    Out of all the N’s I’ve known, and I have been surrounded by them my whole life, this guy was and is still the epitome of somatic N. His first wife K was codependent. Sweetest, kindest, nicest person. He would only talk about her when she was alive in sentences like, isn’t she the prettiest? Isn’t she the best? But in private he completely ignored her. She had no car, she was allowed to work only with him (@ post office) and was isolated from all friends. He though was always having underage girls and sometimes guys over to the apartment. They fought about it often. He was sleeping with these people, flirting, gaining fuel anyway he could with these younger minds as they were easily manipulated. My now Husband lived directly across the street from them. One day he comes and pounds on my husbands door and says call 911, K is in trouble. He runs back home my hubs calls 911 then goes over to his Apt. He’s in the basement wailing omg, OMG, k why did you do this. He has her in his arms, the rope around her neck and she’s dead. My hubs is like what happened? He said she woke up last night and got out of bed and I said where are you going? She said to do laundry, my husband said why wouldn’t u think that unusual? He says she was so stressed out at work that she could never sleep, so I thought nothing of it. My hubs says how did you find her? He says I woke up calling for her, came downstairs and found her like this, bursts into tears. Cops come. Story is repeated. Now the funny thing is he had scrapes on his hand and knees. She has bruising on neck, eye hemorrhages. Police say, where did you get scrapes? He says pulling on the rope and falling on my hands and knees against cement floor. Did you know that she suffered from depression I had her committed a month ago. Her job was killing her. Look at how many people go “postal”. My best friend is dead….tears again. Never charged. Tells everyone that she died from heart failure because can’t have the stigma of suicide. asks people who know to not say anything just say she died like that because technically it’s true becuz her heart failed to work becuz of lack of oxygen. Funeral. Smiled and greeted everyone like it was a party. Just ate up the fuel. Years go by and always playing dead wife card. Also proceeds to show videos of her that he took to show everyone look at how pretty she was, she was my life oh now let’s watch a video of me. I knew his second wife well. Her warning was never ever tell him anything, he cannot ever keep a secret and will use everything against you. I don’t care what it is, do not tell him. Talk around it, if he gets mad walk away. Well I constantly would banter with him and was not effected because I am able to disassociate feelings. But did I realize I was hanging out with a murder? We all have flaws right? Was he capable of it? I think yes, everyone who knows the story thinks that.

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    1. A significant example of our kind demonstrating not only a complete lack of accountability but then using the very act it appears he committed (from what you have explained) to profit from in terms of fuel etc.
      I would be interested to read the coroner’s report on this “suicide” and why it was not looked at more closely.

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  3. I think I’m done reading your blog for a while. At this point it just makes me sick. I’m going to step out of character here (as an empath) and also say that you and what you do also makes me feel ill. As far as the Narc that lead me to read your blog…..filthy. He’s gone from MY everything; body, mind and soul. You swear there will be a Hoover and if one does happen to occur the dead eyed stare will be flashed right back at him.

    Thanks though. I’m finally finally free. I’ll give you that because if you hadn’t been so frank I don’t know that I’d have ever REALLY known freedom. Or maybe I should thank your Mother for insisting on certain things from you that lead you to share yourself with all of us. As for victim or volunteer? VICTIM. Trauma bonding is very real and you know it.

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    1. Thank you Mettab, yes the frank approach is one which leaves an unpleasant taste in the mouth but is how I deliver it so that message is clear and not diluted, which ultimately can prove to be of benefit to people like yourself. Don’t bother thanking MatriNarc, she has stolen enough of the credit over the years, she owes me big time.

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    2. Yes trauma is veeery very real….
      And i am not sure how to overcome it to be able to have new relationship (

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      1. I understand. I’m coming to feel the weight and awareness of a serious lack of trust. All the rules about leaving past baggage at the door. What if that baggage is my Siamese twin? I’m sitting across tables and walking through parks and interacting with prospects in various ways and the running ticker tape of red flags distract me as I make polite chit chat. If they could read my minds…they’d be afraid. Very afraid.

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  4. Nooo way! Don’t they say that serial killers start with animals.
    Now this is scary to say the least.
    After reading about this in one of HG’s books, I often wonder who really let the dog out the front door to danger (hit by a car) my N or his ex-wife. He said it was her but I will never know the truth. Perhaps I do know deep inside.

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  5. OMG 2empathic horrible story. Like a horror thriller movie…
    And HG .. Smh … How could you let the dog out 😢😢…
    Cant believe you did that… Its soo not you…

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    1. I see good in HG, Nikita. If i saw pure evil, I wouldn’t be here. I’m trying to heal too. I was just making the comment that as he is diagnosed a narc, I shouldn’t have been surprised that he would let a pet loose bc he was jealous of the attention.

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  6. I remember this one. HG…wow. In Silence of the Lambs, the serial killer person loved his Precious. I felt sick that I was empathizing with him for the love of his pet when she fell down the well. I hope Kate’s dog turned out to be ok. Stupid me for thinking pets would be off limits.

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  7. Oh, HG. 🙁 As an animal lover, this made me sad. But why would I expect anything else from you? Why would pets be immune, since after all they do steal fuel that could have been yours instead. Not that it’s any fault of their own, but to a narcissist that’s irrelevant. They’re in the way. I do hope the furball was found safe.

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    1. And I won’t lie; this story makes me angry too. >:( I understand your motivation (selfish!) but the lack of feelings at all for the poor helpless dog makes me feel sick to my stomach. I won’t ban your blog like at least one commenter here has; but (to quote my malignant narcissist mother, “I’m very, very disappointed in you.”

      Although you have always been brutally honest here about your motivations and actions and that frankness is a great help to many including myself, somehow I thought you wouldn’t ever stoop as low as this. I wanted to think more highly of you than that. Guess that was stupid of me.

      Cruel manipulations of other humans which are regarded as mere objects, means to an end? Fine, I can deal with that (humans kind of suck as a species anyway) but a defenseless animal who cannot speak for themselves and show unconditional love better than almost any human can? Shameful. But you haven’t lost me, not yet.

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      1. I know it is. It’s still fuel for you, is it not? Of course it is.

        I’m sure you can redeem yourself fairly easily and get that positive fuel flowing again. All you need do is write another post like “Love is a Taught Construct” and the positive fuel will flow freely in your direction again. All the empaths and HSPs here will fall at your feet and shed their tears of compassion on your shoes like the adulteress woman did for Jesus. You know it! Those kinds of posts–where you hint at your inner vulnerability and I know you know it’s there at your core–those posts are masterpieces and I wish there were more of them! I get all verklempt reading them (bet you like that word too!). I still think, HG, that there is a good and kind man at your core, one with a huge heart and yes, empathy too. I don’t think you’d be attracting all these empaths if they didn’t see that about you. Empaths can see through the mask of narcissism. I don’t think your narcissism is malignant. I really don’t. Oh, I pray that one day the mask of NPD will crumble at your feet and reveal the lovely person I think you really are but couldn’t become because of your need to protect yourself. I pray for that for you every day because I’ve grown to care.
        Am I a fool? Probably. I’ll live with that because the prospect of living in a world where narcissists are the incurable, unrepentant demons they’ve been stigmatized as on so many anti-narcissism blogs is unacceptable to me.

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      2. Hello LO, thank you for your comments and the faith that you and others hold in me, I am starting to understand it better as a consequence of what you and others have written and the work of the good doctors, there is far to go but I am starting to understand. There will of course be more of posts of that nature as I continue to share my ongoing progress with you all.

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    2. The dog was later found. Alive.
      I have stated previously that I am not an animal lover but nor would I hurt one. I am indifferent to them. You are correct that I would rather they not be around as they receive the emotional attention that I should be getting, so that was why pooch had to be removed from the equation for a time.

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      1. I’m glad the dog was found alive. 🙂 I know you’re not a psychopathic serial killer type who takes pleasure in hurting animals. It’s okay to be indifferent to them. I do appreciate your boldness in writing this post, especially since I’m sure you knew the reaction wouldn’t all be positive. I think it’s interesting the way people get more outraged over the bad treatment of an animal than they do over the bad treatment of another person. Probably because we all know that the human race sort of sucks, and that goes for all of us, not just the narcissists.

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      2. My son loves them, he got me to love them too. They are underrated as animals. They don’t make very good pets though. But I could spend all day watching them. They are affectionate and very intelligent.

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      3. Actually HG, I bet you helped with the search for the animal, you were probably the one to find it! What a hero that would of made you!! Xxx

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      4. I’m glad pooch was found and alive. People say the opposite of love is hate. Nfw. Both require emotion. The opposite of any emotion is indifference. You know that though. Indifference is your kryptonite.

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    3. Yes their stories are very sad. It is hard to comprehend, yet they truly do such cruel things, not just narcissists alone. It is unfathomable to people like us, who love and appreciate all creatures, animal and human.

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  8. I need and appreciate your honesty, H.G. I’m not here to read the sugar coated version of this reality, I’m here to heal… I digest the blog and every word in your books….I don’t always like what I read, and I feel a pit in my stomach sometimes from your words, but I am full of knowledge and power because of them…. To react to a human being like you do or treat an animal as poorly as you did in this story, stems from the pain that was dished out to you… I’m not defending your actions, I’m a dog lover and mine are a part of my family, but the truth can be very painful at times…. I want more… The lies are what made me truly sick…

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  9. It’s strange .The only time I ever saw compassion with N was with our pets ..
    The first & only time I saw him cry was when his cat was put to sleep . .

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      1. Ahh ‘ you’ve put me on the spot with that question HG ..

        Thinking back , he’d asked me to go with him to the vet to have her put to sleep & I said no because it was too sad but I agreed to meet him at home so he could bury her .
        When I arrived he was already crying & had the cat wrapped in one of his jumpers ..

        Were the tears for the cat or to draw fuel from me ? would it be possible that it was both ?? I mean I didn’t go to the vet when he asked me to so he didn’t get any fuel from that ..
        But then again I genuinely think he cared for his cat ..

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      2. The tears will have been for himself “Cruel, harsh world that has taken away something of mine, why does the world do this to me when I am so special?” and to draw fuel from you because you had agreed to meet him.
        I do wonder though if perhaps it might have been because he would regard the cat as never letting him down, after all it is cupboard love isn’t it? Feed the cat and it will stay around you, purring and rubbing against you. If narcissism exists in animals I often think cats would be a prime example.

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      3. That’s interesting HG . I never really thought of it until you asked me the question.
        Course his parents were there fussing over him like he was six year old . Dad even helped him bury her in the garden .. so massive amounts of fuel for him from early morning , then of course he would get more by posting his sad loss on FB ..

        I remember after he was arrested last time he hurt me . He arrived home in the early hours of the morning after hours of questioning . Rather than go to bed , he logged onto FB & posted a picture of a nice lickle floofy woofy kitten ..
        I didn’t know then what I know about him now but that picture spoke volumes to me , his fragile ego had been well & truly shattered that day & he need his minions to fawn over him with the comments & the likes .. just so he could get some sleep..

        Quite pathetic ..

        Thank you HG .. As always .. LOVE this blog !! did I ever tell you that LOL

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      4. I don’t believe the tears I saw, I never did… Red flags were flying, they seemed manufactured…

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  10. HG, It’s interesting you say you do not love animals. My ex Narc did have a cat. This cat is aggressive hateful and just mean. She only responds to my ex! If anything happened to his cat, he went into a frenzy! I do believe though he really is not an animal lover either. One night his roommate’s young son, about 5, escaped their apartment and was found by neighbors walking. The boy was found safe. However when the boy escaped so did my ex’s precious cat. When his roommate called to tell him his son escaped and they were trying to find him (they were panicked their son was missing) they also told my ex that his cat escaped with him. Instead of responding to the fact their son was MISSING, he was furious they lost his cat! I sat there looking at him as he was on the phone and couldn’t believe what I was hearing! He didn’t give a sh*t about their son and only worried about his cat. This was one of many red flags.

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    1. Hello Michelle, cats are selfish creatures in my experiences. They eat, sleep and only show affection when they want something. The latter seems familiar somehow. Your tale about the child and the cat highlights how it is only our things (and the cat is regarded as a thing) which matter and no doubt that cat was acquired for the purposes of triangulation. He would talk to the cat and ignore someone else so it would provoke them (“How dare he ignore me and talk to an animal?!”) and in the case of the child as you identify, it was all about him and his loss, not the potential greater loss of a child.

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  11. Dear Tin Man,
    Honestly…heehee….heart? Oh u must mean the heart collection u have under lock and key? Look out, flying sex book! (I’m ducking).
    U laughed though didn’t you? I’m funny right? You won’t leave me will you? I’m sorry, really.

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  12. Narc that killed dog got a rare breed cat, acted like cat was superior to all cats on earth. I have best cat, prettiest cat, rare cat. I get that, what I don’t get is my ex narc talks better about his dogs, claims he loves them and calls his wife his dog sitter cuz that’s all she’s good for, that and being his maid. Could he actually love the dogs? Or is he like first narc and just sees them as an extension of himself?

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    1. The cat is the instrument of triangulation. I “love” my dog is designed to make the triangulated individual feel unloved and worthless and thus it will provoke a reaction.
      “He thinks more of this dog than he does of me.”
      No he doesn’t. He just does it to get at you.
      Triangulation can be implemented with another person, another person who does not exist and with animals and inanimate objects – mobile ‘phones, computers and cars are favourites.

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      1. Well I can go one better than the cars, mobile phones & PCs.. Though he had to have the best with all three not that it’s a contest 🙂
        I was replying to a friends message a few moments ago about her DS late night last night because he was playing a computer game . AND bingo ! I’ve just realised I was triangulated with women in a virtual world computer game he used to play .. Though he also had female characters on there & convinced the men that he was a woman .. Aw I’m well puzzled now Haha ..

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  13. Lucky otter! i also love otters.
    I did participate in a program of re-inserting wild animals into wildlife and the quarantaine center was in the zoo. When we finished the rehabilitation hour I would walk into the zoo to check how animals were and went directly to the otters. They are so playful I loved to see them playing in the watwr or sleeping curled up. Fortunately the zoo of my home town had several world recognotions for reproduction of extinct animals and animals tenance so it was kind of okay to walk in. By principle I dont go to zoos. Only some make great efforts to reproduce the habitat of animals like the one in Zurich. Like all in Switzerland its totally perfect. For the elephants they reproduced India!!
    They reproduced the rain forest in malaysia. Its stunning. I did go alot before until I decided I would just not visit zoos even if they are so perfect like the one in ZH anymore some 10 years ago I took that decision.

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  14. Hahaha.. If you could see me now HG .. I’m laughing out loud at that comment .. because his characters male & female had virtual sex . His male character with females but oddly his female characters with men . He would watch it on screen , control the movements & put the dialogue in .. He even asked me one how long it takes a woman to orgasm so he could fake it with a man who thought he was having sex with a woman assuming it was a man of course ..
    That’s made me day !! Too funny ..

    Infidelity by pixellation !! Haha..

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    1. This would appeal to the sense of omnipotence and the desire to direct that we experience. We are moving the chess pieces, the players, the actors around telling them what to do and how to do it with no need for us to actually interact. It is both powerful and “safe” for us.
      What did you answer to the orgasm question?

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      1. Is it HG .. Fascinating stuff !! ty .

        I told him to fake it to get it over with like I usually did !! He thought I was joking . Mwharrrr ..

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      1. The side down HG !.:)

        He was the the equivalent of England in the Euros .. Kinda new which whey the ball went BUT never actually scored a goal 🙂

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