Always Watching


Image result for picture of a person scrutinising computers

I have often mentioned the empath’s need to know. Initially this is borne out of your desire to know and to understand for the purpose of enabling you to discharge your caring and nurturing abilities. Only by understanding and knowing what is wrong, what is going through someone’s mind or understanding their situation are you able to assist and help. Some people like to know because they are inquisitive. Some people like to know because they are downright nosey. We like to know so we can use it against you or to further our own schemes. You like to know so you can help. This is a core trait of the empathic individual and it is not something that you are ever able to let go.  Even when we are subjecting you to the devaluation you are unable to accept that it is happening without being able to understand why. You need to know. We know you need to know and we exploit this. This is why we engage in denial, deflection and circular arguments because we are entirely aware this inability to allow you to know and to understand draws fuel from you but also keeps you doing this. Even when we discard you, you still want to make sense of what has happened. You need and want to know why did we treat in the way we did, why did we do all those awful things to you and why were you not enough? By tapping into this trait of yours we also ensure that you have to know what we are doing once we have flung you to one side.

You will ask our friends what we are doing and pose similar questions to our family in a bid to ascertain what we are now doing without you. You ask your friends to spy on your behalf, gathering information about the places that we have been to and the people we have fraternised with. You see, if you try to escape from us then you cannot get rid of us as we appear with Hoover in hand ready to suck you back. However, if we have decided that we have extracted as much fuel as we possibly can from you (at least for now) we will do our utmost to remain invisible and keep you guessing. We want you wondering what we are doing? We want you to be sat contemplating where we are and who we are with? Are we happy? Are we thinking of you? This need to know becomes overwhelming and you then embark on your role as private eye. You will stalk our Facebook page in order to gather information. We will block you in order to increase the work for you but you will use a friend’s profile to look or create a false one. You will drive past the places you know we might be, home, work and recreational and social places hoping to catch a glimpse of what we are doing so you can satiate that need to know. You will create a new profile and follow us on Twitter, checking each day to see what we have written. Is there a new girlfriend? What is she like? Are we taking her to the places we took you? Who are these people in the photographs and where are they taken? We know you will be spying and the more you try and learn the more questions will arise. We use obsessing as a method of manipulation and this continues in this mould. Our ever presence will keep reminding you and you do not help yourself as you repeatedly reinforce our presence in your mind by searching, checking and spying. You will search our name on Google, examine our work website for any changes, and check on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn. Like a detective hunting for clues you will keep at it each day. You create a habit in order to feed the addiction which is the need to know. We know you will do this, we engineer and we encourage this behaviour in you. The knowledge that you are engaged in these practices gives us fuel. We cannot see you or hear you yet we know you are spying on us. We know what you are like and we can picture you earnestly hunched over your keyboard as you stare at your monitor. Don’t deny it because when we do Hoover you it is one of the first things we tease from you. How many times a day did you check our Facebook profile? You will admit you did it at least three times a day and and tell us how much you missed us. You will ask about the new person we were with and who you saw posts referring to and all the photographs that we displayed. Did we miss you too? You always ask this as well. Why? Because you always need to know.


170 thoughts on “Always Watching

  1. Me says:

    Thank you for the detailed reply, much appreciated.

    My comments are not vitriolic HG, far from it. I speak truth and from the heart, I have zero feeling for idiot, neither good nor bad but total and complete indifference. I can’t refer to it by name so ‘fat arse’ as a substitute and based on fact so suffices here. If I had to put any kind of feeling into words, it is pity. Pure and simple. Only he is responsible for any rage, not me. If he chooses to call, make fake profiles and the like, then it is he who is obsessed, not me. For me, when something is finished, that is it, dead, buried, erased from my life. I have no desire to see, speak to, contact, nothing. That’s what he is. Nothing. It must be so awful to be him. A fake persona. An abuser. A lie.

    Yes, I told him he was a psycho a few times. One in particular comes to mind. He had betrayed a very close friend so badly, and revelled in the aftermath. This was towards the end of our relationship. Yes I was angry and probably gave the negative fuel he craved. There is nothing he could do that would induce me to react now. I know he knows that. He knows I know what he is and the truth of every lie I was told. I don’t care if he launched smear campaigns against me because of this, the people he would tell mean nothing to me. Those that matter and know me well see if for what it is. So he has my pity, nothing more. I don’t care for the present or future ‘victims’ either. Or what he may say to them about me. They will find out the same in time. I know he knows he is inadequate. I know his past in detail and why he is the way he is. I’ve mentioned all this in previous comments. (Recap- Negativity from both parents, always put down, never lived up to expectations, years of sexual abuse from a female family member).

    There is so much more I would like to tell you but I will refrain here. If I were to sit face to face then I would tell all. Not likely, so I will leave it here.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You have certainly learned well and you are applying those lessons in you dealings with him. You are in the ascendancy, that much is clear from what you write. I would be interested to know more of what you would like to tell me.

  2. Heather says:

    Funny. My “Princess” girlfriend discarded me on my birthday weekend one year brutally which was MY way out to NOT attend her line up of showers, princess parties and parades! She was getting married and the WHOLE THING was WRONG!! So, we both vanished. (This was after a lot of Narc drama and when I REALIZED IT, I was happy to step off her stage!!! 1 year later on my birthday I get a blocked call that I hesitated to answer. Voice said, ” I figured you would have committed suicide by now. Guess not!! “Click! Happy fucking birthday! Unreal!

  3. Cody says:

    Hi Clary. Somewhere (more than one place, I’m sure) HG writes about the narc reaction to a fuel source getting sick or otherwise incapacitated. This is intolerable to them as what good are you as an appliance if you cannot function. Crass as it sounds to anyone who is not a narc, death – whether by suicide or other cause – would fall into a similar category. You may think that it would be the “ultimate” ego boost to a narc, but in reality, it is a huge inconvenience, especially if the deceased was a particularly reliable source of fuel. HG does in several places reference to one of his fuel sources who ceased to function due to death, but I’m pretty sure that he has not said specifically whether her death was by her own hand. I guess to a narc the cause of death doesn’t matter so much so maybe that is why you don’t elaborate, HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well put Cody, thanks for saving my fingers with that explanation.

      Correct, the cause of death is not the issue, the treachery that brought it about is what matters.

  4. Clary says:

    Can I ask you a raw question? Is your purpose drive people turn people suicidal?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No. There is no point in that.

      1. Clary says:

        Ok Thank you

  5. Miss_stress says:

    HG ….can you explain something…

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Miss_stress says:

        The question I was asking you, isn’t in my post…..must have been a glitch. So, you couldn’t answer me anyways.

      2. Clary says:

        How hostile hahahaaaaaa

  6. Cody says:

    HG (and Jaded!), I’m actually surprised HG doesn’t know more about the Myers-Briggs test. Empaths usually LOVE that stuff (yes, Cody is projecting, as usual!) HG, I know I am betraying my kind by saying this, but you could easily learn all the “types” and then this would further help you prove soulmate status. “Really? You’re INFJ? Me TOO!” Or: “Oh, I’m ESTP. That means we complement each other PERFECTLY!” It’s kind of like horror-scopes: you can interpret any way you, or she, wants!
    Okay, I am being really bad here. I know you don’t need any help in this department, and I certainly don’t want to give you any more ammo. 😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Who is to say I am not feigning ignorance Cody for the purposes of enabling others to tell me all about themselves viz a viz the test?

      1. Cody says:

        Ohh, but HG, you’re sooo honest and I can tell that you’re really genuine and you’re just sooo close to being all better!

      2. Clary says:

        What is the date of the article narcicist versus sociopath? I can’t find it

  7. steeviann says:

    My house did make the Dupont Registry twice, once on the cover. Yes it was a master piece.

  8. steeviann says:

    I do not care for scrabble as four letter words do not acquire many points. I liked chess or cribbage.

    Repost your blog on your favorite colours or in the US Colors. Great post!

    No he was an ass so I tried to avoid him.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I enjoy chess as well. It has been some time since I have played cribbage. Do you mean the four colours narcissist one or the very early post about colours?

      1. steeviann says:

        The post where the good doc asked what would be your favorite color. Amazing really. The way you deduct each color and why.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It will come round again Steeviann, glad you liked it.

          1. steeviann says:

            Loved it. For some reason it struck a cord with me.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You must be an interior designer!

          3. steeviann says:

            I have a few homes under my belt. Personal only. I have been told to do this but I do not have the patience to deal with the public in their ability of making choices. I can’t even make the choice to not pick up the phone when he calls.

      2. Clary says:

        I tried playing chess I suck at it never understood the rules I guess that’s a narcs thing HAHAHAAAAAA no offense had to get that out if my chest lungs

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    What’s this Facebook thing you write about? Not sure I like the sound of it. Despite my not wanting to know, people keep telling me things about him. I’m only 75% empath, HG. I hope this doesn’t make you like me less than you already do. I ask why for everything? If it isn’t logical, it doesn’t make sense.

    Have you done the MB 16 type personality test? If so, which of the high level 16 types were you? Or is that super secret?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Asking why is a central trait of you and you kind and we welcome it.
      No I have not done the personality test you refer to. Have you? What was the outcome ?

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        IS..then it is pretty 50/50 between TJ and FP.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          What’s the IS part?

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        I’d guess you are EINSFTPJ…or IESNTFJP…or a combo of each.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I will have to have a look at this, it sound interesting. I always assumed I was D.A.N.G.E.R.O.U.S.

      3. 1jaded1 says:

        It’s pop psy. Dangerous. You have proven that. You are also helpful. You have proven that too.

      4. 1jaded1 says:

        Happy 900127 views.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you 1jaded, I shall consume a soul to celebrate.

      5. 1jaded1 says:

        I’d offer to sacrifice my soul in place of an innocent but I’ve lost mine, hence lostmysoul1.

        I is for intraverted and S is for sensing. Those have been constant. I’d be interested what yours is. Tests like those somewhat make me laugh. This one holds a bit of credence even if the results aren’t what one wants to see. I hate when I come up FP instead of TJ. It means my soul might be trying to find me and that would be no good. Anyway more than what you wanted to hear.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thanks for explaining. Mine came up EV/IL. Clearly the test lies.

      6. 1jaded1 says:

        Essential Valuable Indispensable Laudable….maybe not a lie after all.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Very good. I may have that as a tattoo.

      7. 1jaded1 says:

        Do you have tats? If so, of what?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Do you think I have any tattoos?

      8. 1jaded1 says:

        I think you don’t. That said, it wouldn’t surprise me if you did.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I haven’t. Why do you think that is.

      9. 1jaded1 says:

        You haven’t because?.. You are perfect and why mess with perfection…They are painful…They are triggering…They are permanent (not anymore with today’s advances). Idk. My thoughts are irrelevant. Why don’t you have them? It’s fine if you don’t say.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They can be used to identify you too readily.

      10. 1jaded1 says:

        That makes perfect sense about the tat. Brings up another question. What if you had a conspicuous mark or scar in a visible area and surgery couldn’t remove it? Would you try to hide it?

        1. HG Tudor says:


      11. 1jaded1 says:

        Of course. What if it couldn’t be hidden or erased?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Use it to draw sympathy.

      12. 1jaded1 says:

        Not surprising. It would still be “nature’s tat” and distinguishing.

        1. HG Tudor says:


    2. Miss_stress says:

      On the test 1jaded1, I am an accurate INFJ.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I can see that in the way you communicate on here, Mis_stress. Thank you for taking the test. 🙂

        1. Miss_stress says:

          Yes, it certainly pinpointed me well.

  10. twinkletoes says:

    HG you are quite the charmer. 💋💋💋

  11. steeviann says:

    Your command of the English language in your writings is superb. Would you consider it the Queen’s Language?
    Thank goodness I have my dictionary here and there is spell check.

    Are you a believer? Is this a question that crosses the line? I myself am a non-believer.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The English language is a marvellous and rich language, festooned with synonyms arising from the melting point of languages on which it is based and the basis for some of the world’s most outstanding literary masterpieces. It is fascinating how it evolves and how the etymological meaning of a word can later through time and usage. The word ‘gay’ is a convenient example. Once it meant colourful or happy, then it meant homosexual and then has evolved again in an informal sense to mean unimpressive or rubbish. It intrigues me how this happens. Take as well decimate. Most people use the word to mean eradicate, destroy or obliterate but its etymological meaning is to kill one tenth. We describe something as sinister and mean it is scary or creepy, when the etymological meaning is left-handed. Symposium is used to describe a meeting to discuss a certain subject, yet its origin is a drinking party. The English language allows such expression and invention too. Roald Dahl (best known as a children’s author) was brilliant at inventing new words and especially enjoyed doing so by making use of onomatopoeia. It is widely spoken too as a consequence of the extensive British Empire and latterly the United States as global superpower carrying the language forward and its extensive use as an official language such as within the European Union and the United Nations. I must also add that there are several non-native English speakers on this blog and their command of the language is impressive.

      1. steeviann says:

        Let us not forget Snoop Dogg, he has added words to our Urban dictionary. A big grin here HG.
        I also find it fascinating that with each generation, they create and establish there own slang. Example; PHAT. Sounds like fat but it is not the same meaning. But it does mean Good in a big way.
        Well you are putting words to use that in our everyday life are not used. Good for your readers and that means ME!

        My ex brother-in-law would read the dictionary for sport. He then would use his BIG 6 syllable words in conversation. I used my 4 letters words, and they are colorful, to tell him he was a pompous ass and it did not make him look more intelligent but only arrogant.” Hey, asshole, you are talking to me now, use simple words. 😉 He really is a ass. Never liked him to much.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I bet Scrabble was a warzone with you two.

      2. Leilani says:

        Your command of the English language is quite impressive HG. Also, you have a knack to go with the flow in any conversation. You’re so groovy, tubular and awesome.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I’m shaped like a tube? Well, I suppose I am hollow on the inside.

  12. twinkletoes says:

    So I only cross his thoughts every few months or so when it happens? So will it deter him he can’t send phony requests anymore (just a message) or was he just looking? What happens if I wander there again? Or is that too obvious? Do you forget about people again once such an incident has occured? It doesnt appear serious, just entitled. How would you screw with him?

    The understanding is helpful. The more I gain, the more I will eventually move forward I think. Im starting to wish he waa dead now, while before I had empathy.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed. The fact you are reducing his avenues to contact you will act as a deterrent to a degree. When you way wander there again, what do you mean? We become focused on other things yes.

  13. twinkletoes says:

    Was he watching me this whole time, or only because I wandered too close? No doubt he is a narc. I know the profile isnt real because I saw he had some botox and hair plugs implanted via his company’s page. It doesn’t make sense he’d still be using pictures showing him with thinning hair and wrinkles from years ago then no? This is a man thats very vain. Everything else within my reach remains blocked or on lockdown…only old pictures remain….

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I envisage it occurred because you wandered into a sphere of influence.

      1. Twinkletoes says:

        Should I wander back ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Be more precise. What do you mean by “wander back” ?

  14. twinkletoes says:

    You were right, HG. Again. I signed onto an old dating site account (on an old phone I found) and inadvertently clicked on a link leading to his old profile (stored on the old phone, I forgot what it was). It was recorded I visited. Less than an hour later I receive a fake fb request from a fake account. The guy pictured was clearly an older relative (he looked just like him). I accepted and the profile was blocked and deleted after 2 hours. After this I decided to change my settings so requests can only be sent from his real account (friends of friends). Won’t happen, but tired of fake requests….and of course, nothing today.

    I must have wandered into his sphere of influence. No contact was sought though. he merely wanted to check on supplyn.

    I think you are also right, HG, this is not his “real” profile. This one is just for me…

    everything just as you theorized…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Now you know TT.

  15. steeviann says:

    My Narc said he had no interest in hearing about my suiters. Now he says he doesn’t care who I see or what I do. He does not have a Facebook account.
    But he sent me the song Shut-up and Dance with the lyrics being “she is my destiny” blah blah blah. He sucks.

    1. Miss_stress says:

      Words are power….lyrics are words… is a vast tool of expression. Yep, sucks, indeed.

  16. Miss_stress says:

    No offence Cody, I appreciate the input, I wouldn’t do that anyways, but I was curious what the result of doing it what be. He would do it to me for knowing how it would effect me. I would be hurt and Jealous, based on the genuine emotions I had for him.

    1. Cody says:

      Hi Miss S. I’m glad you took no offense. 🙂
      None meant!
      And actually this was really eye opening for me because I thought that the narc would just laugh and see this as a desperate (I am projecting here- the “desperate” one is really me) attempt to make him jealous. Because in my case, and I suspect for many others here, he would know that I am so beyond obsessed with him that it would be impossible for me to just move onto the next guy just like that. Also in my case, he knows how I use ig especially to create the “picture perfect” relationship – which thanks to HG we know us crap – so he is all too familiar with the gap between what I post and reality.
      So thanks, HG and Miss S, for the enlightenment. As always!

      1. Miss_stress says:

        Believe me I take desperate measure s all the time Cody, I am not proud of my reactions or over reactions when in a emotional state.
        Yes, I am sure he knows I wouldn’t move I. That quickly either. But, you know, once after a two month silent treatment the first thing he asked me was if I was seeing anyone..I said how dare you, I am faithful and loyal, and are you mot still my noon friend….I guess since he was playing around while I was silenced. He projected that onto me, falsely. He then apologized for insulting me. I think he just wanted to work me up. There is no way he Would have thought I would be seeing someone, mind you to ignore someone for months like that, I would have reason, I suppose. But, I am not like that, he knew it.
        I enjoy your posts Cody.

  17. Enjoying this post with my morning coffee. ☕️ Beautiful day here. Hope you are all enjoying your weekend as well!! Gaining the knowledge, insight, and power you need. 💞

    So, my ex N does just this. He tries his best to remain invisible online. Hasn’t changed his pictures in a while and remains quiet (although he did change it a while back to upset me and whomever else he was getting fuel from). But so it stays, he has not made a move on social media in a good 6 months. His significant other hasn’t either…she used too. I bet he was able to manipulate her into this as well. Wish I didn’t know all that!! 😂 😂😂

    So he is counting on the fact that I check up on him then. And I do sometimes! Interesting how they use obsession as manipulation. I am getting better but he has done this to me.

    I will come on here instead when the urge strikes. He is blocked as am I. But there is always a way. And I am sure he is doing the same with me at times. He loves to slink around behind the scenes. Always has. And I’m sure, always will. He does not Hoover anymore, but in a way, this is a form of him hoovering me. Interesting!

    I guess it is safe to say that I should keep a low profile online as well. Right?

    I haven’t really, but maybe a little mystery is a good thing, yeah? 😋 Make him wonder.

    Wish I knew this months ago, but what’s done is done right? I can and will move forward fresh and in charge now that you have given me the tools and knowledge. I will try not to broadcast anything and just leave things be. It will be good for me also I think.

    Until I can fully detach from his grip on me, I guess I have to be content with these light revenge strategies. In time, I know freedom from him will come.

    Thanks again HG and to all who commment!! I enjoy reading these interactions, your blog, and books. They are real, honest conversations/information. Something I was never able to get from my ex N. Never.

    Omg, I wrote way too much again. Lol. I need to work on being more economical. Haha. I just have so much swirling around in my head these days. I like making sense of things, the empath that I am. Not a super empath. Not a co dependent. But definitely an empath. Through and through 💟

    Anyway, Thank you!!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello SALB and you are most welcome. Yes I would advocate keeping a low online profile. You have clearly adopted the appropriate mindset to continue your march to freedom.

      1. Thanks so much HG for the advice and encouragement. Means a lot! 😊 xx

        1. HG Tudor says:


  18. Lisa says:

    HG, I am guilty of this . But do you think he is doing it too, as you always say that when they are with someone new , we are not in their thoughts . I can only presume mine is seeing someone or others

    1. HG Tudor says:

      We will be checking on your activity but the frequency and extent depends on where we are in terms of our interaction with you. Is it the targeting stage? Is it seduction? Is it devaluation? Is it following your escape, the immediate aftermath of your discard or some time after when you have entered a sphere of influence, the timing is relevant. It is highly likely he is seeing others.

  19. Miss_stress says:

    A question for you? My friend suggested I list a photo of myself and male friend of Mine on fb. She also assured me he would be trolling my fb page in his silent stealth mode. Based on his jealous nature. Just seeing such a photo would incense him and wound him. I am in no contact and he is in silent treatment as a result of my no contact. I told my friend I won’t do such a thing as it serves no valid purpose. As , a. I have no need to make him jealous, b. I am not dating this man, so it would be a false representation of such.
    What say you HG? What would be the value of doing such, if I am trying to avoid a Hoover again? I have no desire to wound him further. Plus. He is being appeased and placated elsewhere by the blissfully unaware twins. I am successfully purging Him from my mind. It feels glorious. I feel him slowly backing away from me thoughts.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If your ex is stalking your FB (which is highly likely) then such action will incense him as it will be a criticism and he will want to lash out at you through a hoover. Since he is largely distracted elsewhere the short term satisfaction you might get (and I doubt you will actually, you being you) from wounding him will be lost as he comes hovering for you.

      1. Miss_stress says:

        Thank you HG, I already told her I didn’t like the idea. Yes, me being me, is correct. I would get no satisfaction from doing such. Plus, I do not wish for a Hoover, it will disrupt the serenity I am seeking and that is being afforded to me right now.

      2. Cody says:

        But HG, would seeing Miss S with another man cause him to rage or rather provide fuel because it would look like an (sorry, Miss S) obvious attempt to make him jealous?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          He would see it as criticism (as it is intended on this occasion as opposed to a perceived criticism) because it suggests that he is not good enough for Miss S and somebody else is. He wont get any fuel from the gesture as the picture will be free of emotion to him.

      3. So Sad says:

        OOo That’s interesting HG . TY .

        Would changing your relationship status have the same effect as in single to ” in a relationship” BUT strictly no photo’s ? ..

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It would. I do enjoy a post beginning with an “ooo”.

          1. So Sad says:

            ” ooo ” as in screams of ecstasy HG?

            Only ever over your blog as you know ! Hahah.:)

            Alrighty Question on the way.. you know me 🙂

            Limpus Dickus IE ex floppy couldn’t raise a smile if his life depended on it has told his new source that he “inadvertently ” changed his FB status to ” engaged to her and she’s playing along with it even though it’s not true ..

            Is this yet another attempt by him to triangulate me with her ?

            Ty x

          2. HG Tudor says:

            It would appear to be so. How do you know he did it inadvertently? I suspect it was deliberate. A dose of future faking through technology.

          3. So Sad says:

            Good Morning HG .:)

            I’m under no illusion that it was anything but deliberate IMH everything he ever does is calculated more often than not for personal gain.

            He told her it was a mistake but said they should just play along with it, the added bonus being a few hours of extra fuel from all the attention he was given .

            With the your help & from reading your blog I’m starting to see the bigger picture now & I probably understand more about what he does than he does . For the first time in many years I feel in control , it so empowering !!!

            A massive thank you once again !!

            So Sad x

          4. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome So Sad.

  20. Miss_stress says:

    It is so very true, HG. I do need to know, In all encompassing and consuming sense. It is why I couldn’t let him go when he silenced me and why when he hoovered me, why I was happy to possibly …know. But, denial was all I heard. Something I already knew too well.
    In my need to know, I am determined to find out and I methodically connect all clues to reach a consclusion.

    He called me a good detective. That I am. I can sesne lies and the end of the tortuous under standing is knowledge….Once I know my mind is at ease again. It is the unending search for the truth. Once it is acquired then a sense of relief is found. I do not seek the truth or need to know to enact a form of contrition. It is soley for my own peace of mind. So that I can put to rest the thoughts circling around in my mind in an obsessive manner, Did he do this, did he do it with her, why won’t he talk to me, where is he… It is nevr the details, I seek. It is to End the questions I think. Closure for my overthinking.

    Why when I know, I am at peace. I know he cheated and with who, wonderful. One might think it might end there. But it doesn’t. I then need him to confirm the truth. To say it. Not to blame him, shout at him, punish him. Simply to know, he knows I know and we both share the same knowledge.
    The need to know is a horrid mental burden. I would much rather not care to know. But. That isn’t me.
    HG! Your posts always reasonate deeply with me. They make me think and thinking makes me want to …know.

  21. The urge to do this was strong and I knew this but it’s a futile thing so I didn’t and I cut all means of being able to do this so I was unable to.

    When I saw him after NC, I didn’t tell him I missed him I just treated him he same as I’d treat anyone else. Which blew his mind. He told me how much he’d missed me. I said that’s nice.

    He asked if I’d missed him, I smiled in a flirtatious manner and said, ‘yeah, you know when you’ve had a really, really bad headache and then finally it goes away……….it was a bit like that’

    Don’t be using my lines HG to torment your victims either!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Your lines Alexis? I think you will find you have been pinching mine for months, so typical, trying to make me out to be the bad one!

      1. Hahaha so you have been using mine then HG. That’s a given. I can’t blame you though, I can be funny xx the MN tried to steal my humor too

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Huh, my humour is my humour you rascal, now back in your box.

          1. Well that made me laugh HG

    2. Miss_stress says:

      Yay, Alexis on your response. I always was so happy when he returned, I did miss him and commented on it In spades every time. I would tell myself don’t Reply to him when he contacted me, but fact is, I can’t ignore someone I love. I I have never, not would I give a silent treatment. I always prefer to communicate my feelings. I am not him.

      1. Yes I totally understand that missy. And I’m pleased you manage things in the way that suits you. We all have to work that out. You’re a lovely person though and he doesn’t deserve that. Big hugs xx

        1. Miss_stress says:

          Thank you Alexis for your always kind and helpful replies. Big hugs back.

          1. Awww you too missy – we’re all here for each other x

          2. Miss_stress says:

            Yes there does seem a more pronounced sisterhood here, which I so appreciate, it doesn’t seem as clear inthe real world, so to speak. I commented On such on other post. It is comforting to be in a community where women support each other.
            Enjoy your Saturday night Alexis.

    3. steeviann says:

      Oh but I must use it!

      1. Treat yourself

  22. Jessica says:

    You take what is good and turn it into bad…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Jessica, you are not wrong, but guess what? It was done to us first.

      1. steeviann says:

        Everyone has crap in the closet. So now that you realize why you are this way, don’t you want to manage it? Or is this blog one way of doing so?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is. I am a work in progress.

          1. steeviann says:

            Aren’t we all, HG.
            I have been thinking about your comment of it being time to move on from contact from the Narc in my life. It is an addiction. I don’t have a bit of heartache anymore so why do I continue to talk to him? I ask myself this and I do not have a logical answer other then I must be damn bored.

            Do you like a particular tea so I can make sure it is available. Oh I do look forward to pouring for you.

          2. HG Tudor says:


          3. You mean valerian root….drug em.

          4. steeviann says:

            Never expected that HG. Peppermint?

          5. HG Tudor says:

            That’s right.

          6. steeviann says:

            Well peppermint is not my preferance so I am safe to say there was no mirroring here.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Got your attention though and of course you will want to know why I chose peppermint and that opens the floor for me.

          8. steeviann says:

            I am biting for the sake of the greater good. Why peppermint, HG? Not to manly really in my world.

          9. HG Tudor says:

            Peppermint can be placed virtually anywhere and it takes hold and flourishes. Just like me.

          10. steeviann says:

            You are very good. Brilliant to the point of being beyond dangerous. There is not a word I can think to say of how important it is to stay away from your kind.
            But I bet if you look up lust in the dictionary your picture would be there. That would be how a man like you would seduce me. I would lust your mind.

          11. HG Tudor says:

            I am. I am. You are right.
            So, you are a sapiosexual are you?

          12. steeviann says:

            Oh yes. But I still have to have the physical attraction and I know as soon as I walk up to someone. But if they open their mouth and crap falls out, I can’t go there. But if both aline. I am a slave to the lust. Such an addiction. Sweet seduction.

          13. HG Tudor says:

            All noted.

          14. steeviann says:

            Are all of us in your little book now? Your book of what we like, what we are like.

          15. HG Tudor says:

            There is no such book. Nobody has seen such a book.

          16. steeviann says:

            It is stored between those ears of yours. The ones that hear what we can’t begin to imagine, not missing a beat. To be used at a later date. “Don’t you remember hearing this? It is ok Darlin’ I have you covered.” ( with peppermint leaves.)

      2. Clary says:

        This is why I have mercy on you only s few of you who are willing to get help and admit their etiquettes of psychiatric diagnosis the key here is to not let it dominate us so we take it out in others what they’ve five yo us or hurt others for the wrongdoings of someone else and hurt innocent people

  23. Me says:

    Sorry for replying on your comment steeviann but it’s the only way I can~

    Response to HG or ‘him’ I couldn’t give a flying fuck who the hell you’re involved with now nor will I waste my time wondering about who it is or this supposed ‘spying’

    I know you do it though and care more who I am involved with because you are an idiot and an arrogant arsehole, so go ahead spy all you like, have all the spies in place, let them see how happy I am without an inadequate waste of space like you in my life, yes I know who your spies are and they can go fk themselves too, sorry for the swearing but WTF? 🙂

    Go for it, spy, hoover, do your worst… I couldn’t give a shit about your FB profile or anything else I blocked YOU on all of them, so go ahead… then just FUCK OFF… hope that’s clear enough 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Go on Me, purge yourself, let it out. Tell me more.

      1. Me says:

        I’ve moved on, met someone else, he’s obviously found out, I’m getting many anonymous phone calls, not answered of course. Unexplained FB requests, (too many) friends (mutual but that I discarded) getting back in touch asking too many questions. Others that were very close to me, vanished for no reason. Is it him? I feel in my gut that it is. I know it is. He is a part of my life that is history, gone, deleted, does not compute. 🙂 So why doesn’t he just F off?

        I apologise for the swearing in my previous post, done for effect and got the inspiration from yours, sometimes that’s the only way to express oneself 🙂

        Seriously now, why would someone who has been blocked in every way, all social media, phones everything, why bother to continue pestering someone who clearly does not give a sh*t? I know he had other ‘interests’ which didn’t upset me as I was done with his fat arse before I knew, they are welcome to him. Why is he still bothering? I do not react to any of it, So why? Why won’t he just F OFF and leave me alone? Am I really that wonderful? 😀 (I know I am)

        On another note, I do so enjoy reading your blog, even though I do not comment too much, I still check in occasionally. You are truly gifted and have to extend my admiration to you, you are clearly helping many people by writing your insights, even if they are twisted and psychopathic. I told the idiot, as I shall refer to him in the future, that he was a ‘psycho’ on more than one occasion. I am sure he took that as a compliment.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Me, yes it will be him. The fact that he has learned that you are with someone else will feel like a criticism to him. After all, you are bound to him for life, that is the consequence of the unwritten contract that you have entered into. You are in breach of this contract and by being with someone else you are suggesting that he is not good enough. His fury is ignited and the phone calls and FB requests are hoovers. He will not F off because we do not. We have a right to return to you as and when we like in order to draw fuel from you and he wants to exercise that right and obtain the fuel from you. He bothers because he has an idea of how you will react – note how you swear about him and refer to “his fat arse” the vitriol in these comments demonstrate how you still respond in an emotional fashion to his hoovering. You may not direct that at him at present but he will think (based on how he knows you have reacted in the past) you are responding emotionally and therefore this amounts to “think fuel”. This think fuel will only sustain him for a period of time however before he will need some form of emotional reaction. Maintain no contact and the hoovers will lessen as he seeks fuel elsewhere as the think fuel runs dry and he cannot obtain any proximate fuel from you. At present you have popped up in his sphere of influence (as he has found out about your new relationship) and that is what has activated the hoovers based on his perceived right to your fuel.
          Thank you for confirming you enjoy reading the blog and your kind comments. Your labelling of him as a psycho will have depended on the emotion associated with it, which I suspect there was and therefore it would have been welcome as fuel. No need to apologise for swearing by the way, used appropriately it will add to the point being made.

  24. Cody says:

    HG, how do you know someone is looking at your fb or ig if they don’t friend request you or attempt to like anything? Do you know because they tell you after the fact during a hoover/reinstated golden period? Or do you use tracking software? Or do you just KNOW, because you know how the discarded supply’s mind works?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. You are correct, I just know because I know how that person’s mind works. I understand them and I have conditioned certain behaviours which I then rely on.
      2. You are correct, when there is a reinstated golden period it is so often said “I missed you so much, I checked your FB page three times a day just to feel close to you” and such like.
      3. I also have other methods.

      1. steeviann says:

        wait wait wait! You mean to tell us that they don’t really creep on our social media, they just say they do? The Narc I know says he just discards and moves on. Does this mean he doesn’t contact them anymore? Should I warn the one I know he was involved with? Or did he devalue me to her even though he said she did not know about me.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It depends, Steeviann as I mentioned, on the timing. There is no point warning her. He will have triangulated you with her, we love doing that.
          Other methods. Cant think what you are referring to! (Keep a look out for a blog article on this very thing).

          1. steeviann says:

            To be frank HG, your blog is helping me come to the conclusion that there is no room in my world for him. It actually is a gross thought of him touching me or having any part of me, physical or emotional.

            I have sent some of the emails I get from the blog but I don’t anymore and he said he scanned over them. I am sure he read them to find out what I was learning so he could adjust his methods. So you will have to be my only Narc in my life. Can you handle that? I am very demanding.

            I am going to send you peppermint honey from Hawaii as soon as it is made (holiday time) for helping me save myself. Wow it is such an addiction to break too.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I am more than ready for that and I do like the sound of peppermint honey, cool yet sticks to you easily, bit like me really.

          3. steeviann says:

            and perhaps I know this.

          4. steeviann says:

            Not kidding about the honey. I have to wait until they make it. I love honey from different places.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Well peppermint is very important as it is a large nectar producer and most important to our friends the bees. I delight in extracting honey from lots of places too.

          6. steeviann says:

            HG! I am talking about what the Bee produces. I am sure are you too. My mind just goes places that get me in trouble.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Me too. Hence my comment about nectar.

          8. steeviann says:

            Ah but I have been told of nectar. The sweet taste of nectar.

      2. Cody says:

        Please share some of your “other methods”?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Keep your eyes peeled for another article on that subject.

      3. Leilani says:

        HG, is that you sending me an FB friend request again?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Just accept it. You know you want to.

      4. Leilani says:

        Yes, I want to just through the golden period.

  25. Heather says:

    Hi HG!😎 I never could jump safely on Facebook due to my narc family and their publics fights! It is so embarrassing plus I didn’t want any of the narcopaths from the past to look me up ever! So I am safe from being a cyber stalker! Boundaries ROCK! ALL THAT OBSESSIVE NEED TO KNOW THE ANSWERS IS BEING SATISFIED RIGHT HERE!! BY YOU!! I AM checking up on “HIM” RIGHT HERE! YOU ARE TELLIiNG US EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING!! AND WHAT THEY ARE THINKING WHILE THEY’RE DOING IT! EVEN WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO DO NEXT! Spending my time reading your writing is WAY MORE rewarding than driving all over town looking for signs!! Or to see a light on or if his car is in the driveway! YOU ARE WAY MORE FUN TO SPEND MY PRECIOUS TIME WITH!! You are answering all of our questions and confusions. You are clearing away all the fog by taking us back into it safely and showing us the smoke machine and the trap doors! Instead of texting him my complaints, perplexities and whining energies, I get to read YOUR stories, and analogies and vivid pictures of our WORST NIGHTMARES and its DIFFUSING the POWER of that magnetic pull to drive by “just to see”… Yes, up until I found you it seemed hopeless! THIS place is keeping me CLEAN from cheating on the #1 Rule of No Contact!! You are killing my DESIRES to EVER go BACK!! Doing THIS is making it EASY to NOT DO THAT!!! Thank you my dark angel from Heaven!! 😎

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You have adopted an excellent approach of ensuring you are distracted by me and learn from me in an environment where you are removed from me, so that you do not fall prey to the repeated (and understandable) mistakes that are made in trying to escape the clutches of the N in your life. You are seizing the power.

      1. Miss_stress says:

        I really liked how you worded this HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you.

      2. Heather says:

        Thank you for understanding 🙂

      3. steeviann says:

        And how much fuel is this HG. So delicious……………….I feel you smiling.

      4. bethany7337 says:

        This does work well for a time and we learn the brutal truths we need to by your esteemed and animated writing. But we do transfer our addiction from our N to you. I don’t know if I’m in the minority but I find that painful. We can justify our prolonged interaction with you as healing but I think it’s that and more which is addiction to the energy of a Master Narcissist. I know that when I take a break from the blog my mind wanders to my ex N…back to longing…ruminating. I am stuck in my process HG. I am fully aware I am here by my own choice, not forced by anyone …but there is an addiction to and discomforting comfort that I experience here. We all just want you to love us don’t we?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          And love you all I do Bethany. It is valid that the addiction may well be moved from the N you were entangled with, to me. However, if that is the case you are conferred two distinct advantages. Firstly, you do not know me and I do not know you. I am not physically proximate to you. In this arena I operate in accordance with the five rules. Thus if you do transfer your addiction to me you are doing so if you will in a quarantined environment which is less dangerous. Secondly, I will give you answers and a way forward Your N will not. It stands to reason that by addressing what has happened and interacting with me it will take your mind back to your N, but even if you were not here that would happen anyway through Ever Presence etc. I understand what you mean by an uncomfortable comfort and as I often write, the best medicine usually tastes the worst.

      5. twinkletoes says:

        Yep, I do this too. Honestly I think its pretty brilliant the way you found a way to 1) satisfy your family 2)help others and 3) make a little money at the same time.

    2. Miss_stress says:

      That is wonderful, Heather to remain detached and removed from your N and to gain knowledge from HG, while still avoiding transference of addiction. Express, vent and communicate. Remain vigilant and aware.

      1. Heather says:

        I shall. Thank you Miss Stress!

    3. steeviann says:

      Beautifully stated Heather!

      1. Heather says:

        Thank you Steevian! This place is great! 😀

  26. steeviann says:

    My Narc said he looks at my profile pictures a couple of times a week. I thought only the discarded did this.
    I know he has looked because he left a message one time about my haircut.

    1. Miss_stress says:

      CN did that too, it upset me that he could look at my fb profile before he even personally contacted me.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        We love to and have to obtain our intel on you.

        1. Miss_stress says:

          Intel, just ask me I will willingly provide it. He knew that.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            And we do though often not obviously, but we do enjoy assimilating it without you knowing.

          2. Miss_stress says:

            I understand. But when you have someone such as myself who willing offers up information. Doesn’t that make you less inclined to do so. Or is it In the knowing you can retrieve Intel regardless based I your skills?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Some intel always has to be acquired prior to engagement so your ability to sing like a canary will only come into play a little later.

          4. Miss_stress says:

            Oh but HG, I sing like a Nightingale. Yes, pre ensnarement.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            Presumably one caught in a berserker’s snare?

          6. Miss_stress says:

            Ha ha….my you do make me smile and laugh. HG…your cleverness and humour is fabulous. But, will he love

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Er no.

          8. Miss_stress says:

            Just checking…ha ha..cage it is then.

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