Image result for hamster wheel


I wake. I sigh. I wait. I see. I smile. I rise. I look. I notice. I awaken. I observe. I pause. I brush. I spit. I view. I hear. I glance. I surge. I type. I halt. I listen. I note. I grin. I step. I stand. I lather. I rinse. I wipe. I turn. I move. I check. I nod. I collect. I foam. I shave. I clear. I admire. I piss. I flush. I smear. I moisturise. I turn. I catch. I dry. I spray. I dress. I adore. I answer. I speak. I understand. I climb. I descend. I eat. I compliment. I accept. I plan. I consider. I formulate. I read. I zone. I screen. I drink. I kiss. I extract. I gather. I accumulate. I garner. I stockpile. I brush. I check. I rise. I exit. I call. I tease. I plot. I move. I drive. I sing. I cruise. I forge. I advance. I frustrate. I lie. I speed. I overtake. I gesticulate. I rage. I growl. I glower. I overcome. I bristle. I prowl. I dictate. I oversee. I lead. I achieve. I pioneer. I evaluate. I target. I flirt. I chastise. I laugh. I frown. I complete. I direct. I orchestrate. I demand. I secure. I fabricate. I succeed. I triumph. I challenge. I inspire. I decide. I action. I activate. I consume. I quench. I envy. I roar. I rage. I burn. I slash. I throttle. I lash. I denigrate. I belittle. I strike. I wound. I attack. I conquer. I despise. I hate. I overrun. I dominate. I sign. I shake. I clench. I maintain. I read. I assimilate. I conduct. I move. I touch. I preserve. I continue. I subjugate. I exceed. I impress. I frighten. I illuminate. I shine. I blaze. I buy. I offer. I grace. I favour. I entertain. I joke. I outrank. I outflank. I identify. I attract. I bind. I deceive. I con. I dedicate. I pretend. I know. I understand. I grasp. I press. I pull. I remove. I shadow. I lure. I beckon. I bestow. I receive. I evade. I deny. I deflect. I swing. I duck. I blacken. I obscure. I hide. I take. I grab. I have. I remove. I strip. I push. I enter. I thrust. I delight. I lick. I bite. I tug. I caress. I probe. I stroke. I entrance. I hypnotise. I mesmerise. I float. I soar. I smooth. I sooth. I confuse. I defraud. I steal. I distract. I depart. I ignore. I sneer. I calculate. I follow. I invigilate. I guard. I misinform. I perjure. I mislead. I falsify. I construct. I destroy. I tell. I withhold. I reduce. I erode. I cloud. I arrive. I amass. I harbour. I harvest. I pluck. I suck. I drain. I acquire. I takeover. I obliterate. I annihilate. I beat. I overcome. I assure. I ignite. I manipulate. I control. I assuage. I decide. I conclude. I reflect. I dismiss. I ascertain. I point. I click. I review. I tap. I send. I spin. I trap. I block. I unblock. I do. I don’t. I will. I won’t. I can. I cannot. I should. I shouldn’t. I would. I wouldn’t. I did. I didn’t. I oppose. I combine. I bewilder. I daze. I encircle. I defend. I swoop. I revel. I increase. I fume. I snarl. I infuriate. I retaliate. I provoke. I win. I switch. I lower. I triumph. I outsmart. I outreach. I succeed. I delight. I accomplish. I remember. I twist. I turn. I grimace. I scratch. I scrape. I whisper.

I close.

I sleep.

I wake.

I am.

I repeat.

134 thoughts on “I

  1. Despotic Voyer says:

    So many broken people longing to suffer again, to be degraded and worn down until they can reaffirm their subconscious beliefs about themselves. Bio machinery with defective code? Souls singing out for pain until it quenches the desire to believe in their perceived worthlessness? What are we?What is this?

  2. Maddie says:

    I breathe. .I adore..I dream…I adore.I wake..I adore..I wash…I brush…I sight..I think…I adore..I do…I adore..I love…I adore…I help..I adore…I smile…I adore..I give…I adore …I cuddle…I adore…I listen..I adore….I think…I typeI adore..I live….I adore..I sight..I adore…I touch…I whisper..I record….I touch…..I scream. I touch..I dream..I sleep..I adore You…I repeat…

  3. Hi again HG… and all…after reading Alice’s post and your reply to her message…It hits me…of course, yes…just give them the answer…to the question in my post so they don’t all have to “expend the energy”…duh…of course…reason # 57 that I left him too!!…no bites or comments…says a a great deal too…to some it might seem I speak in riddles, or take a great deal too many words to say what could be said in a few…it comes from as I eluded to…51 years of N abuse…and a true borderline personality. That length of time my friends, It severely messes with your head and heart to a degree you all hopefully will never know yourselves through experience…right…because you would never be so foolish to allow that type of abuse to go on in your life so long?…think again…for I am proof. So be on the look out for this my friends in yourselves too…trying to give the many Narcissists in my life little opportunity to later claim they didn’t understand the questions or didn’t know what to do…this is the reason many borderlines and Narcissist use musical references when they can not put into words for themselves what they want to say or think they need to say. They / we, just simply want the image the song reflects or the shared understanding from the feelings we have and believe they also have to be immediately understood…so that in that method, very little energy is expended…by either party. To expect that everyone will know the song is to expect a “shared” knowledge or feelings…and that is why we use them at times. I do see a great deal of “musical references” being used here…so this was just my way of trying to point this out to some. I put in brackets the word (SO)…that was clue 1…which artist had the “UK” album titled “SO”…why Peter Gabriel of course…the last sentences of the song, “Anne with her father is out in the boat…the Song “Mercy Street”. Indeed a very controversial song with many interpretations, but the chorus is the gem. >”Mercy Street, wear your insides out, looking for Mercy street, swear they moved that sign, dreaming of mercy, in your Daddy’s arms again”. That is all we are always looking for, mercy from the pain and anguish being unwillingly being brought to us at first, then from the unrelenting torment that we later find within when we realize, why we were chosen and that their torment becomes ours. Mercy…is the golden period when I showered you with attention…and love.

  4. Alice says:

    @HG #The Creature: The scientists who tested Sam Vaknin’s level of narcissism/psychopathy for the dokumentary “I, Psychopath” stated that it is a typical feature of a psychopath that they

    *love to talk about themselves and what they do, and analyse how powerful their actions are,

    *are aware of the harm they are inflicting on their targets but simply don’t care,

    *do not like to talk about and have little access to the “why” behind their own structure. The scientists also said that it makes the psychopath feel uncomfortable to go there and try to address the core of it all, Henne they never really do that or come to terms with it.

    This explains why writing about The Creature may be the most (no; the only) challenging book for you. I value that you do not write about it until you are ready, otherwise you may get re-traumatized.

    Please be careful and kind with yourself – we are not your mother, we don’t expect anything particular from you except being yourself and expressing yourself in a genuine way consistently – this consistency in authenticity is the greatest gift of all – at least for me – it is more than the N formerly in my life would ever offer, and it is the most precious thing a narc could ever give! The best thing about this blog here is that it is not a You vs Us thing, but a real interaction! You are not lecturing us either, but facing and reacting to our comments and questions consistently!

    On the scale of good and bad, this is Good, not Evil. Whatever who and what you are, this is a very unique and poweful way of expressing and sharing love the way you can. This love is just as important as any other kind of love (empath-driven love). At least that is how I see it:-)

    Thanks & have a good weeks end 😘

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Alice that is appreciated. You have always assisted in answering a post that Miss S has in moderation where she asks about psychopathy so you have saved my fingers a job and I do like to save energy where possible so it can then be directed to the most effective way of gathering fuel and furthering my agenda.

      1. Alice says:

        You’re welcomes.

  5. My pleasure…indeed…HG…for again, not unlike some, I do sometimes love getting my feet wet too…and such wonderful imagery you have offered for someone that “lives so close to the shore”…to be sure :)…but alas…my duck has always been broken, as the water never seemed to roll off his back…as you well know…the mind replay’s what the heart cannot delete…but we sail along…BTW, Thanks so much for the better link that you gave here to be able to listen to your radio interview with Christine. I very much enjoyed it …and HG,If I may,I would like to leave you with this small musical reference clue into me…and I’m assuming much the same could be said for some of your posters / followers. We do so love to learn yes, everything you, and yes, the “others” that have sites and pages and videos can teach. All available in technicolor through the wonderful internet of knowledge that we don’t or can’t already know through experience. we have been blinded…and not “by the light”…we have not quite been able to put our fingers on, or nail down all the who, what, where’s and why’s…but were hot on the trails of exactly that…for a very long time, all the why’s so to speak. For some of us that have been brought up by a lesser and a mid range, then married 24 years to, a mid range to greater variety, then separated for over 4.5 now years on top of that. ( just for a “bit” of history for your consumption), yes, I have been a student of this for long enough to have earned 10 University educations with and from them all on the subject, if they had not kept me so busy learning instead of graduating…always nothing but the perpetual student in their world needing teaching…so they thought and they just keep wanting that bright shiny apple every day for their so called hired lessons…snakes and apples…now…where have I heard that before…HUMM…sorry, I digress,my bad, lol, but this is the real reason that some of us are here now and have sought you out and are finding comfort in your actions and words at this stage of our long personal journeys…you see…I have just rolled over my 51st year, June gone by of living with what I now understand to be a great number of the lesser to the mid range to the greater variety of narcissists, for all that time, and so alas, her I be. <<< ohhh good Freudian there Elaine…lol…think I'll leave it in for indeed we do become over time …interchangeable…the True alpha and omega…but then…the snakes are eating their own tails at that stage too…hummm…(SO)…Will you humor me… so that I can perhaps get another insight into you?? "Anne with her Father is out in the boat…riding the water, riding the waves on the sea"…that's the clue…know the song?…then you know the chorus…& it… holds the key…that says it all…blessings to us all…wishing everyone a great day x's <3

  6. Hi HG…I have been a “in the background” subscriber to your site for several months now. I have been, I will admit, doing so eagerly and with interest and passion taking the time allotted for each new article as it arrives at my disposal. I have also read 95 percent of the comments thereafter associated with most and some lets call it archival research on your site as well…not unlike many, “I” am impressed and greatly moved by what I read, and to be sure, I am hard one to impress it seems…unless you are my Narcissist spouse, but isn’t that a whole other story and the reason we are subscribers to begin with. There are many wonderful posters here as well, I so enjoy reading your comments. Too many to name individually and that wouldn’t be fair to some as all comments are relevant and are their own “tells” and testimonies at the same time individually and as a collective…and damn…didn’t I just use that damn “The Borg assimilate too” line with my spouse just the other day !!…I either have to stop reading everyone’s minds or you all have to stop reading mine !! 😉 …its endless…how the words I say one day…end up on the screen somewhere within the next day or week, but ah alas, such is the life of a super em-path. I did try to post one other time on a different article but did not receive a reply so my guess was it was due my not doing something right on this end. My comment at that time was to ask if the initials our Author uses, the “HG” before the title “HG Tudor”, if was in honor of the other well known HG in history that was also known for writing the first books on the “ART of WAR”. So to Hg and the gang. My comment on this post will be. Anytime you start a sentence with…” I AM”…you are creating what you are & what you want to be…looking forward to reading more and possibly “telling” more. Simply a Thank you to you for now HG…and Cheers everyone from me. I salute you all…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Elaine, thank you for reading and a pleasure to have you comment. Your kind comments are appreciated. Yes, your previous comment did not reach my shores but I see that you have repeated it. It is an interesting observation but no, I did not use those initials as homage to the person you mention. I look forward to your further observations now you have broken your duck.

  7. Miss_stress says:

    B&T who were you thanking. I did not require an apoeal for me. Unless HG needed a repeal. Yes, you cited relevant points in your argument. That cannot be denied. But to that, everyone does have a right to their own beliefs. Which is why I chose to recuse myself from a for or an against arguement.

    1. Hello Miss. My “you’re welcome” wasn’t aimed at you. It was meant as…oh never mind.

      I don’t begrudge anyone their beliefs and my comments weren’t open for debate. They were my comments and opinions. If someone wants to debate them, they can go right ahead. I have no interest in debating anything with anyone because I have an iron grip on my convictions.

      I believe in God. I love God. I believe that HG is doing God’s work, just as I believe I am doing God’s work. He made us in his image, after all.


      1. Miss_stress says:

        Thank you B&T for clarifying. I wasn’t sure if it was for me, or HG or another reader.

  8. Miss_stress says:

    I do not engage in public religious debates. I stick to a more ambiguous aspect concerning light and darkness. I choose not offend any one else’s beliefs. See I can resist temptation , quite well.

    1. Clary says:

      Very good but I’m a preacher and I can’t stop but I don’t sell myself for debate or strife that is a cost I cannot and forbid to pay and I like to teach spread what has worked for me and the word of god firvutcus in me like a fire that doesn’t stop but doesn’t consume I look for everyone to be clear ifvtgectrutgbavd for no one to be confused about the truth about everything about life his the word of God circumstances…. Everything and I do applaud your withdrawal from a possible debate I didn’t debate I subsided the debate withdrawing myself from strife and fighting a useless war I was going to win anyway without ceasing doing what I do is a strategy it takes a too smart person with experience to do so I ceased the battle to its existence in this case . I’m a peacemaker and a peace MAINTAINER THEREFORE NOT WANTING ANYMORE ON EITHER TRIANGULATION ON THAT SIDE…. EVER AND EVER AGAIN HAHAHAHA if you have any questions regarding this subject I’m free to answer with peace without triangulation strife or looking for a figt in any way at all whatsoever so Congrstulstions you’re now one of my favorites for being so bright in chiding the right path you’re best feature is that you are able to resist temptation wonderful quality that will help you the rest of your life with everything keep up the good work

      1. Miss_stress says:

        I am not so good. I still responded otherwise. Just, in an alternative manner. I suppose I often come across as disagreeable. That is not true, I do try to hold to my convictions though.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I come across as disagreeable too. That is not true either. I maintain my convictions.

          1. Miss_stress says:

            I think you are delightful.

  9. Miss_stress says:

    I won’t quote the Bible HG. That is saved for sacred times. Plus that simply isn’t your cup of a peppermint tea, is it ?
    But, debate of a heated nature is. B &T it would appear he is drinking deeply from a different well. From the Chalice of the Divine.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I was waiting you to weigh in on the biblical exchange that has just surfaced. In fact, I am surprised you haven’t.

      1. Miss_stress says:

        I am bowing out of that exchange, respectfully. I know better.

      2. Miss_stress says:

        I Expect you anticipated a weigh In by me. I choose my temptations more wisely.

      3. Miss_stress says:

        Plus, I don’t interfere with others discussion or Bible battles.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          One of those statements was incorrect.

          1. Miss_stress says:

            I am not biting….you tell me instead.

          2. HG Tudor says:


          3. Miss_stress says:

            So ends that discussion in their two definitive responses. Amen.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I was wondering if you could comment on your own experience with psychopathic individuals you interact with here on the blog and perhaps in your life outside the blog?
            I do not believe I have encountered any psychopathic individuals on the blog.
            I know you mention in your comment that you invite – I welcome comment from you HG and the psychopathic individual, whom I won’t out, but allow them to present themselves – but in writing that you are outing them because if that person does comment you have labelled them a psychopath. I suspect I know who you are referring to but that person is not a psychopath.
            Before I comment further, where are you quoting from?
            I don’t think your CN was sociopathic from what you have described.

          5. Miss_stress says:

            I am respectful of everyone’s opinion on the blog, including yours. Even if my opinion differs. I do contribute my thoughts, but never to Diminsh those of another and not to chastise or correct.

      4. Miss_stress says:

        I have weighed in, just in a contrary manner to that which you anticipated. I solemnly swear…..

      5. What`s there to debate? Everyone knows God himself is a narcissist. And I love Him dearly.

        Think about it – floods, plagues, the burning of Sodom, the arbitrary conditions for avoiding Hell, and still claiming to be all loving fits the manifestations pretty well. He has killed millions, just in the Book(s) He’s asked us to publish in His name; He’s punished first-born sons instead of the criminals; He’s commanded His followers to destroy entire races to eradicate a few sinners; He’s abandoned His own people; He’s wiped out the entire planet (bar a few) like He was hitting a reset button on an XBox for His own convenience.

        Outside of His Book He has sent hurricane and tsunami and flood and drought. Theoretically, in the minds of believers, He has and is burning countless unbelievers for no particular crime; no reason except the fact it makes Him feel better to burn people who don’t believe in Him.

        Narcissism is used to describe the behaviour of gaining satisfaction from vain or egotistical endeavours. Consider the requirements for avoiding Hell.

        We must worship God. Our moral endeavours are redundant. God perceives Himself as perfect and demands the same criteria from us. He fails to give any leniency and readily burns us for not worshipping Him. God is jealous and does not permit us to have any other Gods or to reason, on the evidence presented, that He does not exist.

        Disbelief is an extreme crime, in His eyes. The one thing we need to do to avoid Hell is to worship Him as if He is morally perfect. He asks us to celebrate His narcissism.

        You`re welcome. 🙂

      6. Clary says:

        Just because God allowed some things doesn’t mean they become from him those are two different things. Sometimes God allowed this stuff to teach certain people a lesson and turn them back into the right place or to bring deliverance like in the case of Moises and the plagues and the Egyptian king deliverance for his people. His people on those times were Jewish , Israel. His people now are Christians after the first coming of Christ and also Gus Israel people because that is his chosen people even though they haven’t accepted Jesus as his only son and savior but that’s a little more complex than what it seems but it doesn’t mean that is not understandable or unexplainable

  10. Miss_stress says:

    When I read ABB comment, I first thought, is Hg melting now, and secondly thought you wrote the words. Quoting the Bible is your forte , is it not 😏
    That was a thought provoking post ABB, it was an interesting departure.
    Then I thought of. A joke, what did the Psychopath say to the Narcissist? You have that punchline.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Who wrote the words? Me or ABB?

      1. Miss_stress says:

        I was referring to a departure in normal posting banter by ABB. I said it was an interesting change. The words were written under her screen name, not yours HG. And that’s Gospel.

  11. And I`ve just read the post again and my mind is blown at how something so simple conveys so much.

    Really, HG, you`ve simply outdone yourself on this one. I`d kiss you if only there wasn`t a bloody ocean between us. Drink from my fountain of fuel HG. Drink until you thirst and hunger no more. Even if only for a little while.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Your time will come B&T.

  12. Clary says:

    When you say you’re relentless and its machinery is it like the begginning of Charlie and the chocolate factory how they present chocolate is made ?is that how you work or more like a mannequin doing robots work with a marked smile on their face like a Barbie or Ken? of course I’m using a metaphor since I am very metaphorical and use it all the time

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No. A machine is effective, relentless and delivers.

      1. Clary says:

        Like a programmed computer who makes product for the market ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, I am more bespoke that that.

      2. Exactly.

        The machine is well-cared for and well-maintained and receiving all it needs to function to the highest degree and it is unfailing. It won`t quit, it won`t complain about being bored or about working too hard, it just keeps producing the desired result.

        It is meticulous, effective and efficient. It won`t stop unless someone or something shuts it off. It is not futile in its creations – it is creating the desired and intended results.

        This is one of the reasons it is so hard to want to change. The old adage, If it isn`t broken, why fix it?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed B&T.

  13. Miss_stress says:

    From a communication perspective “I” statements are powerful tools of personal expression. Where there is no confusion what the person is communicating. It is about him, his viewpoint only.
    The use of such here, demonstrates the rigid and mechanical like routine of HG in thinking and performing daily actions and interactions. The precision of his machinations.
    I understand.

  14. Heather says:

    I long for peace

  15. Of everything you`ve written, HG, this has got to be one of my favourites.

    It is a most concrete and perfect view into the workings of your well-oiled machine. A machine that spurns as it churns; a machine that requires constant, potent fuel in order to run smoothly.

    I relate so much to this, but never would have thought to put it in this context.

    The wheels have to keep turning, all bolts and screws need to be tightly secured. Always. God help the person who tries to throw a monkey wrench into the machine to prevent it from doing it`s job.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you B&T.

    2. Alice says:

      Every maschine breaks down at some point. Just as every human dies. That’s a fact. What is left, then?

  16. 1jaded1 says:

    You do all that and still find time to moisturize? Impressive. It reminds me of “Mr.Robot”, a show i will never watch. The clip i heard on the radio cracked me up…”that feeling of control? It’s an illusion.”

    I hate using that pronoun. Makes me cringe as much as when someone addresses me by given name. Makes me realize that i exist. Sometimes will omit it or uncapitalize it.

    Like the Rise Against song lyrics, If you see me please just walk on by, walk on by. Forget my name and i’ll forget it too…

    Do like the writing, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I watched the first episode of Mr Robot, it was interesting. Glad you liked the writing.

  17. cat1520 says:

    Great post actually made me laugh. So true. When I started with N I had the image of him being part man part machine. The machine part was destructive and destroyed everyone around him but me. I suppose I didn’t realize I might be next. I thought I was “special”. Machines are relentless and don’t discriminate. Very good metaphor. Makes perfect sense to me.

  18. Me says:

    Here’s one you omitted-

    I use the word ‘tendril’ way too much

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t.

      1. Me says:

        You do. Way too much.

        Just a little constructive criticism from a fellow writer. Other than that your writing is splendid; and appreciated.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ooh the barb of constructive criticism, add the word constructive and that makes it alright! Thank you for your observation nevertheless as you saved it with your final sentence and in accordance with the way I approach the blog I have managed to deal with the criticism as best as I can.

  19. luckyotter says:

    Do you ever want to get off the hamster wheel?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t regard it as a hamster wheel though LO.

      1. Clary says:

        Yes but do you want to get off? Or not?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If I do not regard it as a hamster wheel, how would I get off something that I am not already on?

      2. Clary says:

        And what do you regard it as?

        1. HG Tudor says:


      3. Clary says:

        I’m asking you how do you see or feel yourself in this relentless routine how do you see it in your personal perspective ? Do you consider yourself stuck in a carrousel in your machinery system?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is an unceasing and relentless task. It is what must be done.

  20. centauride12 says:

    Whilst it felt robotic to me, it also felt completely devoid of emotion.

    Reminded me of the Borg from Star Trek who of course were designed to assimilate.

    Resistance is futile!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ha ha, I always did like 7 of 9.

  21. Cara says:

    You’re a hamster on a wheel, just like everyone else (it’s the human condition)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes but my wheel is the best one.

      1. Clary says:

        Of course it is us made out of gold hahahaaaaaa

    2. Miss_stress says:

      Round. Round, we go…

      1. Clary says:

        Not me not anymore I quit to he carrousel he put me through

        1. Miss_stress says:

          N’s take the Merry out of merry go round.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Scream if you want to go faster. Scream if you want it to go slower. Scream if you want it to stop. In fact, just keep screaming.

          2. Miss_stress says:

            I excel at screaming, faster, slower, stop. Will you be wearing Earplugs, at the time. i would suggest them, I can get a tad blood curdling in tone. Imagine a horror film, just before the victim meets her demise….

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Sounds marvellous.
            Boo !

          4. Miss_stress says:

            I was expecting that one, catch me unaware next time.

      2. Clary says:

        I wouldn’t scream I would just get up and go I refuse to my lungs to give you any form of fuel you might as well end up in the other side of the moon if it was for me that would give on your result of eternal result

      3. Clary says:

        Ms s yes they do and hg just wants fuel not a sound he wants emotion not the sound of an annoying pinch not that yours is annoying since you gave the horror example it’s the emotion behind the horror that disgustingly feeds him and no Tudor i will get off the he carrousel somehow I’ll trick you to let me out that’s how I got out but you will never know HOW I trick you hahahaaaaaa I’ll never tell you are it to my grave

        1. Miss_stress says:

          I am more annoying and confounding, then I provide fuel. Likened me to a younger sister who keeps pestering her big brother, he adores her , but wishes she would just be quiet sometimes. Not that you adore me HG….

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Stop fishing!

          2. Miss_stress says:

            Your use of emphatic punctuation in your replies, always tell me that it is a non affirmative answer. Mind, you did tell me you loved me on the blog, and that was an unsolicited response….perhaps, a more love/ hate scenario for you…..is that still considered fishing….let’s not do that hook and lure discussion again…let’s talk about bait, instead 😏

    3. IHe`s not a hamster on a wheel, as a hamster on a wheel serves no purpose. I agree that most of humanity is on a pointless, mundane, boring hamster wheel, but it doesn`t apply to HG in this case.

      There is purpose to everything HG does. The routine is meant to deliver a specific outcome and his machinations ensure that it does.

      I also believe the whole hamster wheel thing is meant for certain humans and not for others. HG is above that, and I consider myself to be well above that as well.

  22. @rheffelb says:

    “I” used to … comply.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not any more though.

  23. Fool me 1 time says:

    Of course oh great one!! Forgive me!! Smh

    1. Clary says:

      Hahahaaaaaa you always make me laugh I find you likable

  24. Fool me 1 time says:

    I was thinking more of a robot HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Also machine-like Fool Me.

      1. Fool me 1 time says:

        Just going through the motions but never feeling anything? If that’s so, we actually have something in common!! Never thought that would happen!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I don’t go through the motions. I am relentless.

      2. Clary says:

        That is dangerous because it keeps you in a routine away from reality and dangerous to your mental health it also interferes with your recovery healing breakthrough the process you’re going through Tudor

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You might also read between the lines.

      3. Clary says:

        Do you consider yourself rebellious ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No. I am the totalitarian regime. I govern. I do not rebel.

      4. Clary says:

        Hahahaaaaaa you’re an interesting little fellow

        1. HG Tudor says:


      5. Clary says:

        I knew you would say that I meant it in even levels of the little stranger to stranger relationship we have not that you’re small or younger, boy I really thought you would get this one considering you say you’re brilliant

      6. Clary says:

        When you say read between the lines you mean chose to be relentless?

        1. HG Tudor says:


      7. Clary says:

        Wow ok I feel really sorry for you must be terrible to live that way

      8. Clary says:

        I ask you this questions to pick your brain and understand your kind and your behavior I want to be totally clear on that I’m not interested in invading someone or should I say nagging someone I don’t know I don’t nag not even someone I do know nagging hasn’t been my sport for many years. I respect avd thank your support avd information nothing more nothing less if I think feel the need to share things that have worked for me in the past I will because I am that way its my nature nothing more nothing less . I don’t even know you I barely know you and I respect you that’s it

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you Clary.

      9. Clary says:

        You’re most welcomed at the end I don’t tamper with people specially people who are looking for progress

  25. Fool me 1 time says:


  26. seanstoirm says:

    Impressive 😀 It reminds me of machinery.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SS, you have pleased me as that was precisely what I was conveying.

      1. Clary says:

        Is that how you operate internally 24/7 like a programmed factory faucet?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          In essence. Driven and relentless.

      2. Clary says:

        Wow no mercy no wonder no mercy thanks that explains a lot mercy is a virtue is something you obtain learn from and chose to live by the bible says goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house if the lord forever psalm 23 ending verses now we should learn from that if goodness in one hand follows us in one side and mercy in the other because they’re faithful companions we should learn from that to be merciful to others and kind that’s what goodness means to be good and apply that to ourselves in our life it is not a fruit of the spirit Galatians 5 but a virtue something born from within out of love

        1. Clary,
          If you base your thought on the bible, then why do you dispute Galatians 5:22? A secondary reference to goodness being a fruitage of the spirit is Ephesians 5:9. The reason mankind can manifest such qualities as goodness is because we are made in God’s image. Genesis 1:27. Mercy is a quality manifested by giving a person what they need. God is merciful in the sense that he has given man everything. Including food, sun, rain, etc….but most of all
          2 Timothy 3:16, 17. Think if you were to go camping. You’d have to have various types of equipment, tent, food, flashlight, etc. To survive you’d have to read up on the area, what dangers might you face? How could you protect yourself? So taking in knowledge from the bible completely equips us for life. Galatians 5:19 -21 tells us what not to do. However everyone is on a different spiritual level. All of us fall short in displaying the fruitage of the spirit, because we are all sinners. The word sin actually means to miss the mark. Who sets the mark or target? God does. We are arrows that don’t hit that target perfectly, but we can try our hardest to try to hit it, this is pleasing to God and others. The majority of people on earth choose for themselves what they think is right. They do not look to the creator to set the standards of right and wrong. This is why people have extreme negative qualities that impact other people and they don’t care how the other persons feel. It is a selfish attitude and a haughty attitude. HG chooses his own standards. If he does not want to change, you cannot make him. You either live with his traits or walk away. People have hope that others will choose goodness over badness but ultimately we make our own decisions about who has the right to set the standards. God or ourselves?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Ding ding seconds out…..

          2. Now are you referring to Genesis the band seconds out? Or get off the pulpit? Cue hook stage right.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            I’m referring to the bible clash.

          4. I knew that. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Just had to speak to it as I am sure I am more of a bible enthusiast than u. I was sticking up 4 u in a way. You’re welcome. The Clash, train in vain. I’ll listen 2 that now. And Suppers Ready by Genesis.

      3. FataMorgana says:

        Yet you conveyed so much more HG.

      4. Clary says:

        From gods mercy we learn how to be merciful not only are we created in his image and similitude but we have to chose to follow on his footsteps much like looking at life through his eyestalks why I say fee will it’s all about choices most part ; I only used Galatians as a reference so people knew where I got it from and see the difference of that list in those verses where mercy is not present to be clear I’m not favoring against it although the total and absolute full contrary I’m preaching about it Galatians features comes from fruit the first abs then. It talks about the works ifvtgecdkrshvwguch are forbidden of course and for there’s no confusion between fruits of the spirit and mercy which is a virtue born out of love is a choice very much so for that’s why did gave us all free will to choose to live like that not just us humans but also beings supernarural and below don’t misinterpret what I write

      5. Clary says:

        We are not all sinners we have a sinful condition which is different we obtain our forgiveness of Christ and the forgiveness if his son when we repent and confess him as our only lord and savior if we do it honestly and purely it is up to us to ask God forgiveness constantly afterwards for the subs we know and the Ives we don’t to su stain our salvation but not use it as an excuse to keep sinning and thinning ” oh no problem God will forgive me ” like aside or a husband one think might should but we must not fool gif fur he can’t be fooled and it’s a journey one must maintain clean 24/7

      6. Clary says:

        Whatever Tudor decided is his problem my job is to see the seed trying to change him is s firm if control I’m not controlling I don’t care about that manipulation and control are the beginnings of witchcraft and I don’t practice that matter I give an alternative a choice like I would to everybody else I think your thought on his and targets are a little mixed up we are his creations and sin is sin no matter what you try to define it or put a costume on it it is as it is simple as that, I didn’t stated that way in the beginning , God did it like I said is all about choices so…. There are many verses in the bible that tells us what to do abs what not to do but it is our choice to do so or not for there is also a warning in the consequences of those choices weather they are good bad wrong or right I’m not implying a lifestyle I’m offering a better lifestyle if you do not agree with it then leave as well. I respect everyone’s eventual life choices and that does not change my point of view or ceases me doing what I do. If he has something to tell me he can tell me himself were all adults here

      7. Clary says:

        The reason people don’t care about what they do to others is because if I difference and the consequences us a choice you’re contradicting yourself . If you’re rather drawn if pushed into this behavior involuntarily it is up to you to get help and grow up . People don’t just wake up one day and say ” hey I’m going to be a mean full pussful degenerated abusers who cares less the wirds transcends to my partner family coworker stranger etcetera” and decide just to be “mean” for the rest of their lives it is a daily choice just like everything else

      8. Clary says:

        I will never get off the pulpit if you don’t like it it’s your decision but that won’t cast me out or get me out if it … ever I will die in the pulpit if you don’t like it then… Your choice not mine I made my choice won’t affect me at all

      9. Clary says:

        I’m not s clash it is a very calmly and inviting with love situation not a get converted or go to hell rant I don’t preach that way I don’t rant my preaching I’m not yelling about it or ranting I’m not that type of Christian from I was poetricizing from the volume of nothing close to a rant why should I rant someone I just met? Or know? I hate rant I’m totally against it and I’m not a fan of yelling unless I’m at a soccer game and I’m cheering for my team

  27. FataMorgana says:

    This reads to me as a cogent reflection of a fractured self. Verbally. Visually. Affectively. This is moving.

  28. Clary says:

    Is like you’re stuck in your yen little roller Custer especially if your parents worshiped you too much and exploited your takers getting all the credit with workaholic codependency am I right ?

    1. nikitalondon says:

      Is this comment for me?

      1. Clary says:

        If you’re asking me? no dear if it wa for you I would’ve replied from your comment or mention you in one have a pleasant evening

    2. Clary says:

      I meant to say roller coaster

  29. nikitalondon says:

    I love
    I dance
    I dream
    I think about you
    I smile
    I laugh

    I wish you all of the above 😍😍😘

    1. Clary says:

      Hahahaaaaaa I’m dead of laughter except I don’t wish him any l good any of the above this just reminds me of what the post sounds and dels like

  30. Clary says:

    I I I I I….. Chooo bless you Tudor no wonder there’s no room for anyone else perfect example of self absorption hahahaaaaaa I do I repeat I do I contradict I repeat I do I contradict I repeat ladies and gentlemen in a robot the perfect example of s robot that’s why the movie irobot was inspired jeez no wonder thanks Tudor for all the insider my love everything makes so much sense now thanks for the insught in a loom into the old little child he’s so small he’s so little ball and chains brain wow yuck hahahaaaaaa

    1. Clary says:

      I meant to say my life bit my love

  31. Lisa says:

    This post is total proof of how much your kind preserve energy !!!! Such a relaxing calm life !!! You even depict the saving of energy with the hamster wheel pic 😜 The illness is controlling you , you are not controlling the illness , that is the trick of the mind ??? Good job you have a sense of humour HG . On another subject where can I listen to your radio broadcast please ? And I would just like to say, that considering you are such a monster in real life , your patience and kindness on this blog is really quite astounding. You do realise you are our therapist 😘 Your posts and the followers comments and you answering my questions , it’s keeping me sane at the moment . I wonder if you have a girlfriend at the moment and what she would think if she could read all of this

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lisa, I’m not ill, just misunderstood. I control it, it tries to control me and some days it is harder but I remain in control.Control is my forte.
      The radio broadcast is available by looking for the post Radio HG and there is a link to the show there. You can also find it on youtube here

      Thank you for your kind comments. I respect those who are seeking to understand. The Five Rules ensure the patience remains in place.

      1. Alice says:

        Just listened to your radio show for the first time. It’s good to hear the voice behind the words. That makes the whole thing more real and tangible, and less of a calculated project – although I am aware that it is part of the calcul. Your replies are very articulate but at the same time, there is something robotic about them… as in the “I” post.

        You have a good, manly voice. It confirms that you are between 40 and 50 years old, intelligent and well-educated. Still, something is odd. I can’t *feel* the Creature in there. The mask you are presenting here is too ‘smooth’; teflon-like. I so wishes it would convince me of your story (the family forcing you to seek therapy, the two good doctors etc.)… but it doesn’t… how strange! If that story is based on truth, why don’t you present any evidence for it other than repeating those one or two sentences (enforced therapy)? Why did you give up control on that part of your life? 🤔 I guess that will remain in the dark.

        Maybe it doesn’t matter. The heart of the matter * if there is no heart there can be no matter * or it is no matter what * whatever works;-)

        Anyway – thanks for offering us your voice! I was wondering what it would feel like to be bonded by that voice.

        Allowing the N formerly in my life to bond me by means of his voice and words was my entrée into the world of light & playful bondage & submission. He didn’t need any *tendrils* to bond me in that way, and I am pretty sure you don’t either when you ensnare your targets into submission. But maybe that’s just my imagination running away with me! 😊

        I haven’ t followed the blog this month – is The Creature book out there yet?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No not yet.

        2. nikitalondon says:

          Its all so nice about this interview. It evoked in my ❤️ A very dfferent feeling than the post from last year.
          Why do you keep believing in a lie. It also happens that people evolute and become something else. Sometimes comes that one day or that event that changes you forever.

      2. Maddie says:

        It’s delightful to listen to You having a conversation. ..mmmm..You know it 😉

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