I am a seething bundle of conflict and vitriol. I have my fury churning away ready to be ignited at a moment’s criticism. The song once asked, “War, what is it good for?” My answer would be. Absolutely everything. War is the tool by which I reign and by which you are kept doing what I want. Providing me with compliance and fuel. I am on a permanent war footing because I am red of tooth and claw. I must always be ready to defend myself against your uncalled for and unwarranted attacks which you are prone to launching my way. I do not know why you do this but you always want to put me down, blame me or go one better than me. I cannot understand why you behave this way, not after I do so much for you. Yet you always do it, managing to ignite my fury with your words and actions. I have no choice of course. I have to exert my superiority over you and if I was to ever fail to respond to your attack then I would be doomed. In fact, so used have I become to these unnecessary and gratuitous assaults which you launch against me that I will often launch my own pre-emptive strike designed to keep you in your place. I am in control. I am god of the world I have created for us and you must always remember this. I would much rather not have to do this. I would prefer not to lash you with my vicious tongue, roll out a silent treatment or in the case of the less sophisticated of our kind, subject you to a battering from fists and feet, but you bring it on yourself. You should know by now what I like and what I dislike, yet you infuriate me still by saying and doing the wrong things. I know you do it on purpose because you are trying to assert some kind of power and authority over me. I have no idea why you feel the need to do this because you cannot ever outgun me. I have batteries of malevolent missiles to launch your way, megatons of vicious exploding insults to rain down on you and so much firepower that I could annihilate you a hundred times over.
Yet, notwithstanding my superior armaments you still insist on trying to do me down and thus I have no choice but to smash through your boundaries, exert my control and blitzkrieg you into defeat. You should know that someone like me who is in a permanent state of war-readiness cannot be defeated. In fact, I know that you do know this but you still exhibit some perverted delight in trying to prove me wrong. You should have learned by now that I am always right and you should accept this. Yet you keep trying to correct me or even worse show me up in front of others. It is little wonder that in the face of such provocation that I erupt behind closed doors and steamroller you into submission. You then have the audacity to call me for my unreasonable behaviour when you started it. This is why I truly do think that there is something wrong with you. Any nation that decided to embark on a full-scale war with the might of a superpower such as the USA would be deemed crazy, it would be a self-destructive and suicidal act. Yet, in the same way you see the might of my firepower, my array of gleaming guns, miles of ammunition and battalion after battalion of trauma tanks and you still provoke me. My fearsome fighter planes which unleash their manipulative missiles against you and the squadrons of bombers which are always ready to carpet bomb you with malice into total submission are obvious to see and yet you still insist on engaging in war with me. I am the lord of war; it is what I have been created for. I am always ready for the fight, I am on high alert and in the moment of a murmured insult I launch into action. I am highly-trained and designed for combat. You are not and still you engage me, trying to outflank me and outwit me. You launch trumped-up accusations at me but they will fall short of their intended target and then you will be subjected to the full might of my armies as I strike back. Anybody who would goad a superpower such as myself is clearly insane and your repeated attempts to do this put you firmly in this category. It is only the truth I therefore tell when my propaganda broadcasts to your family and friends point out that you are clearly unhinged. You are. Your repeated attempts to topple me bear testament to this insanity on your part.
Everything about me is designed to defeat you. I am the anointed one. I am the king of this kingdom and can never be usurped. This is why I have been created as the total war machine. I have been designed in this way to always triumph, my ever-ready condition a necessary pre-requisite to crushing any rebellion on your part. Why not for once finally submit to my hegemonic control? Why not recognise that you can never win and submit to my good governance? After all, I only have your best interests at heart. You cannot defeat a machine which is always primed for war. An outbreak of peace will do you the world of good won’t it?