A Stolen Love

 

Image result for magpie with a heart

Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us. This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people. You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness. That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home. You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.

We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome. We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality. You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love. Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance. Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,

“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”

Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom. We are the love thieves. We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.

 

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48 thoughts on “A Stolen Love”

  1. my narc has even used those words after I rejected him… “I’ll rip out your heart” “I’ll do it till the end of time ”
    It truly never ends.

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  2. You got this right…. I am a fixer and a healer. My heart has been ripped out so many times I have become numb to the pain. My n did ruin everything for me but now I am a lot wiser. I will be escaping soon and I look forward to less stress and depression in my life…

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  3. That’s the great thing about love….it is not some well that can run dry. It comes from itself. It is not the ocean, or a river, or a vast lake…it is the soul quenching water itself. Even in the desert, with none to be found, if you keep going, you will find it. No man nor woman can change that. For some of us the deeper the wound, the more it will motivate us to share even more love with the world….just maybe not with the one who wounded us.

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    1. Liberty gall you took the words from ly mouth!! Not fair 😂 … But I guess first come first served. I was reading other comments new to last.
      Anyway I wanted to say that I have been hurt in depth and if before I thought I would not be able to love like I did again, today I feel that I could love even more. I feel this love so strong that sometimes it overflows me.
      You also “stole” 😋 The part where you say not loving the ones who hurt me, who temporarily stole love. This would never be possible ever again. It will remain as memories to show me the beauty of letting go.

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  4. HG, I will never love again! That had been said by me time and time again! After this last time I didn’t even want a man to look at me again! But as the healing process progresses and I slowly start to heal I realize I don’t want to give up on love!! I have to much love to offer! Perhaps at sometime it will finally happen and be the right person or maybe not? But I won’t give up on love or hope!! I will be looking for the red flags though!! Thank you. Xxx

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    1. FM1T
      Never give up. Lets do like a baby learns to walk falling several times and even laughing about it and standing up again. We fall many times but we have the force to stand up again.

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  5. Thank you HG. Everything is true in your writings, I feel like you are him saying those things. Uncanny accuracy! It makes me strong. 3 years since I realized my ex has NPD. Off and on with him since then. My ex never gives up. No contact is hard. He cries?? Is that normal? He spends money to try to impress me to win me back. He says that I am being difficult and he doesn’t understand why I ignore him when he has offered me his life and I own him. Would a Narcissist go that far to make me feel superior? I know it is all a ploy because I have been on this circle of madness for a long time. He has beaten me to a pulp emotionally but over time I have become happy and seeing my former self appear. Returning will always be punishment and torment. I cannot this time. Did you ever have a supplier that you couldn’t shake?

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    1. Hello Amy, the experience of hearing your own N in what I write is a frequent sensation that people experience. Some of our kind cry in order to draw sympathy which is fuel and to prevent the escape of their primary source or to cause the primary source to do something for them.
      I would never want to shake a source of supply off. I might keep them at a distance at the outset for the purpose of enhancing the misery of the discard and to triangulate them as the Crazy One with the new primary supply but if they hang around it makes the hoover even easier.

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      1. HG. …..i do adore you & your kind but not becuz to fuel but to understand. I believe eveything u put into words & wht a beautiful gift u have & whts more…..to share it. Your articles have educated me to become an even more stronger empath to always carry ths interest & even further knowledge tht i attain now & will continue to learn. I am awaiting a pending order of 2 of your books…..Escape & No Contact. I m in love with a N but thanks to your sharing, I am not afraid. He, as i believe u & the rest of your kind,(i m positive ther r so many tht this condition, if actually known how many would b considered Common) is Still a good caring lovable human being capable of a happy healthy mostly real safe relationship. I have my heart guarded well & since i have educated myself every single day by your articles, i feel safe & strong enuff to develop great coping skills to b an advocate of ths dehibilitating disorder. Thank You HG for helping yourself #1 for going thru all your trials & making something very positive out of it!! You have taught me things about myself as well like for instance…..thinking back into my life….i have & still carry these narcissitic traits & in investigating & journalizing i have found tht i m not criteria for the diagnosis of NPD but rather have the situational behavior with inconsistent patterns. Therefore, not the Condition. It is an incredible feeling however that i understand the trauma of your kind to better cope with it. My occupation & passion is assisting about 40 all male (of all ages) individuals in ther NA & AA Recovery program. I am so priviledged to get to work along side the Drug & Alcohol counselors & Therapists to b a huge part of the Treatment Team. This job has blessed me with 3 excellent yrs & i have no intention of letting it go. My point is is tht I see these Narcissistic behaviors in these gentleman along with ther disease…..hand in hand. Your writings aid me in doing my job even better & give me an even greater passionate approach.
        Kudos to U HG!! I feel u r a Special person among us doing wht it takes fir the Greater Good on ALL levels!!!
        Melody

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      2. Thank you Melody, I hope you find reading the books to be useful, I should think you will given the clear empathic individual that you are. Tell me, given the nature of the work that you engage in do you see any of our kind in the therapists and counsellors that you work alongside? I should imagine your area of work to be a hunting ground for our kind.

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  6. In my case I cheated on my narc. Due to his inability to hear my concerns. He made it a mission to come back into my life under the guise of working things out. His plan of course was to make me suffer. By seeing other women and then telling me ” I know you claim your mistake, but I want you to live it” Needless to say I removed him from my life. Beware!!!!

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      1. You will laugh. Oh well. A puppy reminded me that I still have the ability to love. I can’t understand what she finds lovable about me but I love her. She isn’t mine and it drives her owners crazy that puppy loves me. It’s a small start. Maybe. That’s really all there is to say. Sorry to make you snooze.

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  7. When I read this when previously posted, I thought the same as now. HG did you ever read, Oscar Wildes, Nightingale and the Rose? In many of his short stories, he wrote of self sacrifice for love. For the ideal of love and for the devotion of love. This story and the Happy Prince are two of my most favourites. Both featuring the bird as the hero and heroine of the stories.
    This image of the bird dipping a heart. Reminds me of the nightingales sacrifice of self, piercing her own heart with a thorn for the creation of a red rose. For the unmaterialistic ideal of love.
    Your article brings that story to my mind. Which is a lovely connection for me.
    The empath, so devoted they can often sacrifice their own well being and self to attend to and heal another. In the end sacrificing their own care. For love and for naught.

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      1. I figured you would not have. Perhaps more an empaths delight. Other then the parallel between his characters, which resemble Narcissist and Empath coming together. But, not in battle as you state.

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  8. It’s heartbreaking to read that. The part I hate the most is how true it is. Or even worse being a person like that and not being able to express it! Or have someone appreciate it and not just be sucking it up! I’ve poured all of that into the black abyss ! I know I’m just drained right now. Being sick and isolated sucks due to the self-centeredness I feel I am trapped in right now that I cannot stand ! Self absorbtion is hell on earth in my opinion . Being sick doesn’t help me either because I can’t make commitments because I can’t count on my body! so I’m forced to be alone. it’s hard to meet people because I feel like an anchor this way so around and around we go. I just want to find the people that are safe. I believe I would be able to then get well and escape the toxic poisoning that the Narc poured into me.. I NEED a family type unit. A real one! and then I believe that I could get well. love and laughter are the best medicine and I’ve never been on the inside of one that didn’t have granades tossed around out of nowhere! Forgive me if you hear me whining from the pits sometimes because it’s not who I want to be! it’s just where I find myself again.. I feel like narcissism is contagious like a disease because they transfer all their anger and angst, shame, self-pity, self-loathing, feelings of being entitled (because we are in actually after all just from the unfairness and injustices and the double standards that we suffered but I still hate the feeling ! Makes me feel icky ! They transfer their low energy and vibrations and dark depression’s and rage onto us and then we have to do the processing of those feelings for them! Cowards all of them ! I’m on overload ! I have climbed out of plenty of black holes! I still want a family. I still want to love. I just know I got bulls eyes and flashing lights that say, Hey Narc! Come and get me! So this is where I find myself today. Still fighting off a guilt tripping soul sucking Narcissist that won’t leave me be! Thanks for sharing. I think I need to keep reading!

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    1. Stop fighting that narc, just drop your side of the rope and he will fall backwards. Then, just ignore him. The less you fight with them, the more energy you will get back for yourself!

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  9. When I left my N he cried…. Said he would never get over this while his Sig other stood there. Should of stated away but I was hunted for two months to come back.

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  10. This past relationship was my second with a narc and indeed i feel like my heart got ripped out. Now it seems even when I’ve tried to be supportive and say loving things to others it just comes out cold. Listening to others talk about their problems is just so much noise. I can’t connect. I feel like i just don’t have it in me anymore. Like I’ve taken that void left behind by my broken heart and filled it with ice and thorns.

    I feel really bad about that, because I’m supposed to be helping and loving. Unconditionally. That’s how i roll. But in a way i guess that’s good though. Maybe it’s better to be broken of that so my energy will taste foul to the next narc that comes along.

    And I’m sorry if any of my comments have seemed unduly cold or harsh to you, HG. Others have gotten across similar points using much more warm and caring tones.

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    1. Hello Lilly, your comments have not seemed unduly cold or harsh. I appreciate your observations. Just so you are aware I am still mulling over your longer post because it has provoked some observations from me and also what you have written (along with other observations from people) have proven uncomfortable to contemplate. I did not want to admit that but something tells me I should do so. There are a few comments on “I want to be adored” which I am still considering and therefore people will have to bear with me as I do so.
      It is interesting how you describe how you feel listening to other people’s problems. Outside of this arena, I have no interest in someone’s problems unless I am the cause. It is exactly that, so much noise and I feel no connection to them other than contempt. It irritates me that they think that I would be interested in the piffling minutiae of their lives when I have much more important things to say and do. Do you feel the contempt too or is it just as if the empathy you once had has been eradicated by your experience. Do you think it will come back?

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      1. No, no contempt. Not even that much. Just blank. I try to conjure up what the appropriate words or reactions would be based on past experiences but it’s not the same as actually feeling something for/with the person and reacting naturally. Then guilt later.

        I don’t know if it’ll come back. I want to say of course, that’s my base state. But empathy involves making yourself receptive and vulnerable, while rejecting that connection with others seems to reduce some of the potential for pain and is therefore safer. For now at least. Oddly I still feel all that stuff towards like, cute animal pics. So it’s still knocking around in there, I guess. Just not for my fellow humans at the moment.

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    2. Hi Lly. I too often feel very cold and numb at times to others suffering now . I think I ran out of energy i
      and the heart capacity to take it in . Also learning the objective point of view rather than the subjective point of view hias removed me a great deal I suppose it could just be from being drained I hope I get my full capacity’s back but this time with healthy boundaries . Thank you for sharing that Lilly I think it’s cool that you provoked something to ponder in H.G! . 😎

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      1. Definitely looking at things objectively, or at least trying to, helps take away the emotional impact. There’s been a distinct shift to where I’m not angry, or sad, or craving his touch. No contact has been much easier lately because I just don’t care anymore. I’m simply out of f*cks to give him or anyone else. I’ve hit my emotional killswitch, perhaps.

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      2. Ditto Lilly and heather . I’m irritated by people moaning about mundane things – I’m a void inside – ironic – isn’t that how a narcissist feels or is ? 😔

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      3. Hi Christine. I think that’s just what happens when we’re drained too much. I feel the void too. I think it’s a sign of deep depression or ptsd type symptoms but I’m not sure. HG talks about codependents coming from similar roots as narcs. I don’t know if you would consider yourself in the co-d category. If so, then it would make sense that we have our own voids. I see it like, a cup. Like one of those adjustable measuring cups, maybe. It’s partially full of my own negative experiences, and other people’s negativity that I take on. That adjusts the level and shrinks the workable volume. It’s partially empty space (void) and the rest is full of loving energy to give others or myself.

        I got drained too dry and took on too much crap. So there was not only no more “give a damn” in me, but my cup was too filled by negativity to even try to start putting good stuff back in. Now that I’ve started to let him go, and let go of the emotional pull he had on me, I feel like I’m starting to get some of myself back. It’s still draining to just be polite sometimes, but that much is an improvement so I know it’ll get better. It means there’s some room in my cup now, even if it is depleted by simple, small caring acts. I’m slowly letting go of more and more negative, adjusting the capacity ratio and making more room to fill it with positive.

        I’m still pretty much entirely cloistered nights/weekends. I know that doesn’t help. Most of the time I just want everything to go away. But there is improvement, and I’m sure you’ll see some too soon enough 🙂

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  11. HG. …..i do adore you & your kind but not becuz to fuel but to understand. I believe eveything u put into words & wht a beautiful gift u have & whts more…..to share it. Your articles have educated me to become an even more stronger empath to always carry ths interest & even further knowledge tht i attain now & will continue to learn. I am awaiting a pending order of 2 of your books…..Escape & No Contact. I m in love with a N but thanks to your sharing, I am not afraid. He, as i believe u & the rest of your kind,(i m positive ther r so many tht this condition, if actually known how many would b considered Common) is Still a good caring lovable human being capable of a happy healthy mostly real safe relationship. I have my heart guarded well & since i have educated myself every single day by your articles, i feel safe & strong enuff to develop great coping skills to b an advocate of ths dehibilitating disorder. Thank You HG for helping yourself #1 for going thru all your trials & making something very positive out of it!! You have taught me things about myself as well like for instance…..thinking back into my life….i have & still carry these narcissitic traits & in investigating & journalizing i have found tht i m not criteria for the diagnosis of NPD but rather have the situational behavior with inconsistent patterns. Therefore, not the Condition. It is an incredible feeling however that i understand the trauma of your kind to better cope with it. My occupation & passion is assisting about 40 all male (of all ages) individuals in ther NA & AA Recovery program. I am so priviledged to get to work along side the Drug & Alcohol counselors & Therapists to b a huge part of the Treatment Team. This job has blessed me with 3 excellent yrs & i have no intention of letting it go. My point is is tht I see these Narcissistic behaviors in these gentleman along with ther disease…..hand in hand. Your writings aid me in doing my job even better & give me an even greater passionate approach.
    Kudos to U HG!! I feel u r a Special person among us doing wht it takes fir the Greater Good on ALL levels!!!
    Melody

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  12. My narc never cried, said sorry or anything even close. I am some what successful in my business, I have always taken care if myself and remained single for many years before he came along. I had first met him a year prior through my good friends cousin and my gut did not like him, I found him strange and the way he stared at me made me uncomfortable. I never seen him again till a year later and he was totally kind and not so weird. I think he picked up that I didn’t like him the first time we met so he switched it up. We exchanged numbers and he texted and then called and it went from there but I don’t consider myself overly empathetic and can be hard nosed at times but looking back he came at a time when I was very vulnerable, my beloved dog was about to die and I was devastated, he made sure he was there for me anytime I needed to talk or cry, brought me flowers and a card and so much more, He won me over! He used my dying dog as an in and it worked. We all have to die sometime and whats waiting for him on the other side he won’t be able to manipulate.

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    1. Hello Mary, yes some of us never cry and even if we do say sorry we do not mean it, it is just said as a device to get what we want because we know that people like you like to hear it being said. We will use any situation to our advantage and as was the case with you, the dying of your dog provided him with an opportunity to strike.

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    2. Hi Mary and Lilly! It’s HORRIBLE the depths a Narc will stoop to worm their way in! When I was little I must have been considered “the “animal whisperer” on the block or something? Full grown adults used to give ME, a little kid injured birds, and found strays.. I used to MARVEL at the adults in my life at how OFF or WRONG or BAD or STUPID that they were! The whole world of adults that ran the world around me were INSANE!! I remember stating I HATE PEOPLE!! I would prefer a dog or a cat any day! So loseimg a pet was like tearing out my heart. (Narcs used my pets to threaten/control or tease me back then just for the emotional reaction they would get.) Later my N husband used my kids the same way. I’m sorry you were tricked this way. My last one played the part of a respectful friend for 11 years of my marriage to my 2nd husband Narc of 20 years. He watched me fight for it, cry, ect.. Just human torture with 2 kids. Spoke faith talk at me. He used my Broken heart over Narc abuse to win my heart (and used my God) and led me to believe by his “Golden Heart” that there was really good people left in the world. He talked me through the divorce that I needed with Narc #2. I started dating him eventually because I already trusted him. It was me that asked him out. He took me to the highest peak of happiness before I knew it I was worse off than before! He also used my love for his kids and Grandkids to use me. Yup. Children and animals. BIG weak spot! Thank God I didn’t move in WITH him! My OWN feelings and my love has been used as a tool, a toy, and a weapon against me for 48 SOLID YEARS before I FINALLY put an end to it! Thanks to this place! I’ve been a Narc puppet due to my OWN compassion. I’m allowing MYSELF this same love/compassion right now. Giving myself mercy and forgiving myself for being so easily led off by my own virtues and misguided perceptions. . For WASTING my precious God given resources on these USERS and ABUSERS. I feel different every day. I’m allowing ALL of my feelings now. The good the bad and the ugly! I was never allowed to feel anything BUT compassion for the Narcissist! Right now I don’t have the capacity to deal with anyone else’s problems anymore. I am giving myself permission to not care for anyone other than my daughter who needs a healthy Mom. My sister who fought her way through this and came out my greatest ally. And my elderly father who we share in his care. My adult college son is still living with his dad and he hates him! I wish he could live with me. His life is an hour away. Somehow I think it’s okay to NOT care for others at this stage. And I whole heartedly agree about the eternity that they have waiting for them. None repentant. If they think they are empty and scared of the dark now, I wonder why they seem to be planning their eternity in a place just like what they got going on but WORSE!!?? No escaping then!! Even THAT I can no longer concern myself with. I learned in my studies that the forgiveness process is the same as the grief process and that when you get to the acceptance part of it that it’s all the same. Denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance. We can get stuck in this process. Forgiveness/acceptance =PEACE. Right now I choose this forgiveness with my willingness to wrestle with these feelings. Cycling all around them. Narcissists got STUCK in the denial and rage over what happened to them! We are more courageous then these cowards! They won’t let themselves FEEL the sadness because they think it weak! No. Feeling RAGE is easy! Feeling sadness is BRAVE! It leads to the peace we all want! There is an eternity of THAT waiting for us to! So no matter what they have done. We will be better stronger and all the wiser for experiencing the pain of such atrocities and STILL be able to move on in love! This is my understanding. Peace is the goal and we will get there when we recognize that this is the condition of our world and the inhabitants in it. As personal as it all was for us, it wasn’t personal at all to the Narcs! It’s just how they roll! We will not be fooled again!! We will reach the other side intact if we don’t allow ourselves to get stuck like them! Narcissism IS contagious initially due to the transfer of darkness they thrust upon us. Good grief is the antedote! Thank you for sharing. All you guys are helping me! I hope something I say helps someone! See? I can’t help caring for others! It’s in our nature. ❤️

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      1. Hi Heather 🙂 I believe you’re right, narcissism may have a contagious element. I understand the feeling of parenting the adults in your life as a child.

        Yes, they take the things that are important to you and use them to hurt you. It’s an effective way to obtain their fuel. The one I dealt with took every need I expressed to him, denied me, and used that to hurt me as deeply as possible. You say forgiveness/acceptance is peace, but right now that feels too much like leaving a window cracked open. Or giving a mouse a cookie. Even if it’s completely internal and you never intended to talk to them, you’re forgiving and accepting their memory and ever presence. You’ve laid a trail for them to hoover.

        For the ones I’m dealing with irl, I’ve been using things I’ve learned about here, word salad, redirects, subtle insults, things like that to dodge questions and avoid committing myself to anything. Trying to get them to discard me early on, or just consider me not worthwhile and write me off from the start. It doesn’t always work the way I think it will. But they usually go away for a minute or two. Do you see through a strategy like this, HG? Does it make you walk away or just make it more entertaining?

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      2. Your second paragraph is well put.

        I can see through the evasiveness of a target and it entertains me all the more that they are trying to resist but that will put off most lesser and mid-range and therefore they are laudable tactics. The Lesser and Mid-Range lack the energy or function to continue the pursuit and will go elsewhere. If I am fuelled, I will enjoy the jousting but if fuel is a little low then its harvesting takes priority and I may move on after a while.

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      3. Thank you. I think the ones I’ve come across are in the lesser and mid categories. So that makes me feel a bit more at ease. Just what I wanted to hear..

        ..Oh.

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  13. the more I engage in my life with a narc the MORE love grows back…. HG You have no idea how much I can love….

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  14. 5 weeks of ‘No Contact’ and im thriving!
    Once I learned what the narcopath is I went ‘No Contact’ immediately despite desperately trying to work things out the night before. Narc tried many hoovering attempts and got NOTHING!
    I decided NEVER to give up on real love the day I went ‘No Contact’.
    Narc used to constantly ask me during relationship if I could ever love another man and I would be compelled to say No.

    Truth is, narc was empty, pathetic and really nothing special.
    I wanted out so many times but was bound through pregnancy and soon after baby came I was in a bad place hence couldn’t immediately pull away despite narcopaths despicable, horrific behaviour.

    Narcopath made it very easy for me to bounce back.
    No love was ever there as none of it was real.

    I have met some amazing people since, regained my financial situation, moving to a nicer home, and on holiday with my boys including my 11week old baby.
    All this since going ‘no contact’ with narcopath.

    Being with narcopath was the most miserable time in my life, lost my job, my car, savings…etc Narcopath was the biggest loser I had ever met and was dragging me down.

    So glad to be out!

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    1. Wonderful comment- Congratulation!

      Tomorrow, it’s going g to be exactly two years that I left him and I am so glad I did, even if the first year post-narc abuse was rough (in fact, the abuse continue during that first year and even longer in forms of hoovers and a couple of failed face-to-face interactions).

      Dates are somewhat important to me and I look forward to celebrating my two year post-narc anniversary tomorrow:-) Even more so than it is also the birthday of two relatives who are really dear to my heart.

      However, I acknowledge that a truly narcissism free existence would mean not even recounting that type of dates related to the narc formerly in my life, not reading and commenting here or on any other blog about narcs; simply not analysing or caring anymore about the Why’s and the What It’s. Instead, only focusing on healing and thriving and sharing a good life with people who are kind, genuine, well-meaning and respectful. These people who have much love to offer and can also receive love – Does that sound boring? Well, it’s not if you pick the right ones and contribute yourself to the relationship/friendship etc. I’ve met several new, intetesting people over the last two years during my road to healing, and building up friendships with them feels so good and rewarding, peace is so much better than war!

      Sending good luck & much love & strength to everybody committed to peace & healing & growing, and Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences- this has probably saved my life when I traversed the darkest places of my dark dark night of the soul on the post narc recovery march.

      But I guess that small steps are better than no steps, and I tell myself ‘Progress, not Perfection.’ 😊 It’s all parties of the process, even set-backs and relapses (

      I am not entire lying

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  15. Yes HG I want back… When I did I was ghosted. Everything he told was a lie. I didn’t know anything about narcissistic personalities last year. He said that it was a temp situation that I would only be by myself for a few wks. Here it is 8 months later and it’s a war zone.

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