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Can you feel me next to you? I am there. I am with you. I always am. Even when I am not physically present I am besides you, wrapped around you and with you. I promised that I would always be with you and I meant that promise. It is my role to ensure that I am always there, so you feel safe and reassured by my presence. Do you feel me there? Yes, that’s right, you can feel me in the pit of your stomach, that light sensation which is a mixture of delight and anticipation. Can you feel my touch on your skin? Yes, that tingling feeling you are experiencing right now is me placing a guarding hand upon you. Do you feel my breath upon your neck as I whisper besides you? I thought so. I am everywhere and always with you, maintaining my role as your guardian and protector. You are never alone and therefore never need feel alone. I am always watching over you and ensuring that you come to no harm. When you wake in the middle of those dark hours and feel like you are falling I will be there to catch you. I have you in my arms as I am strong and fearless. Whatever slings and arrows that come your way you can rest easy knowing that they shall never penetrate my defences. I have built my walls thick, the towers high and my citadel is impregnable. You are safe there. Do you feel my essence within you, lifting you up and guiding you? Do you feel my touch on your shoulder steering you through that maze of indecision and trepidation? You will readily pass through it. Feel my hand in yours as I shall never let you go. I shall lead you past those false guardians who writhe with jealousy at what we have, their seditious words bouncing against my shield and dissipating on the righteous truth that resides there. These gargoyles cannot harm you. They may hiss and claw the air but that only highlights their impotence for they cannot pierce the veil that I have drawn about you which protects you by my very presence. When you feel despair reach deep inside of yourself and you will find me there. A core of reassurance that is within you ready to be called upon whenever you require. I am about you, within you and around you, protecting you with my massive angelic wingspan so the brutes and fiends can find no way through. These charlatans and deviants fall at your feet, overwhelmed by the magnificence you display as my aura shines around you. I am always there for you, guiding, leading, shielding and completing. Do you feel me?

I am coiled around you squeezing the living breath from you. Do you feel me? Do you feel that cold dread hand as it grips your throat, preventing you from calling out? Do you recall the times you woke shaking as the nightmare had its hold over you as you felt paralysed and unable to speak? Do you feel me do that to you now? Do you feel my toxins pouring through your weakening body as I feast on you? I am all around you. I am all about you. I am inside you. Does your skin itch with that sense of filth that has lingered for too long about you? Can you hear the vitriolic words as I hiss them into your ravaged ears? Of course you can because I am right beside you. Do you feel my hot and fetid breath against your cheek as I continue with my tirade of abuse, the soiled words spilling over like a fountain of grime which spatters against your once flawless skin and sticks to it? Try as you might to remove it, no matter how hard you pull and scrub the mire cannot be removed because I am all around you. I am tangled in your hair, lurking under your eyelids, tucked beneath your nails and pulsing through your heart. I sit like a lead weight on your chest slowly crushing you as more weights are piled on and the noxious air in your lungs is steadily pushed from inside you. My polluting touch pockmarks your skin and my sharp nails tear at you, leaving scratches across you that sting and continue to remind you of my presence. My blackened soul has poured into your mouth, your nose and your ears, infesting you. The poison blocks your lungs, trickles into your blood and insidiously creeps towards your failing heart. Do you feel me inside you now? Does that rising sense of panic tell you that I am very much a part of you now? Does that awful anxiety signal to you that you and I have become one? You consented of course. You wanted me all about you, around you and inside you, do you remember that? Or is it the case that the fog which has enveloped you is dulling your mind and slowing your thinking? Your eyes once so full of life and vibrancy now only show that dulled reflection of my leering face as I hold your limp head next to mine and peer into your eyes searching for that flicker of fuel that I know is still somewhere inside you, waiting to be extracted. Do you feel the strings as I pull them, jerking your arms and making you continue your dance with me even though you have no will to do so? Do you feel those attachments yank you along taking you to places you do not want to go when you once did? Can you feel me? I know you can because you let me in. You allowed me access and I flooded you with my magnificence in order to admit my malice. Can you feel anything other than my malign grip around you? I suspect not as I see you are weakening by the moment. I have engulfed you, encompassed you and enveloped you. You and I have merged and become one with one another. You are me and I am you. Tell me, how does it feel?


62 thoughts on “Presence

  1. I am a psychology student ,persuing clinical psychology as my would be proffesion . What I read just now was as if reading one moreof my case studies . It is expressive , exquisitely articulated. Well enhanced .well stretched .I really look forward to such creations of yours .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    Hey ABB. I don’t imagine they are all Narcs. An example is the German gymnast who injured himself. He went on the horse and helped his team advance. He was crying what appeared to be real tears. He could have said eff you, if I can’t have my Gold, neither can you guys.

    One of our US swimmers displayed questionable behavior when he took 2nd and didn’t congrat the winner. It’s bad sportmanship, at best. HG talked about cheating with acts such as nipple twists. One of the other country’s swimmers is notorious for cheating. He tried with a competitor who ended up swimming next to him. That guy took Gold….toooo bad. I get getting into peoples’ heads. It’s part of games. Cheating is another thing.

    Since I don’t know any of the people, it’s hard to say. Just observing, right or wrong.

    I’ve always been partial to Water Polo. Intense! The players need tons of stamina. It’s like hockey or football in the water.

    HG, are you watching any of the Olympics? Which are your fave sports? You will likely say same as mine…but I’m curious. Also, would you have advanced your team if you were injured and couldn’t win a medal for yourself? Silly question but had to ask. What if your team’s furthered success had tangible benefit to you in the form of cash/endoresments etc. Would that impact your decision? Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I haven’t had chance to watch much of the Olympics so far as I have been travelling. I caught a little of the men’s cycling road race yesterday and thought the scenery was impressive as they wound their way along the promenade. I also watched something of the Serbia v Hungary men’s water polo too. I enjoy the athletics, the shooting, the archery, the hockey, the rowing oh and for some reason I have become very keen on the women’s beach volleyball. No idea why. What else do you like? I see you like the water polo, men and women’s?
      If there was no medal in it for me, forget it. If there were other benefits then I would give it my all for the team. I would probably engage in individual pursuits and if part of a team, I would have to be captain or I wouldn’t bother. I’m not having someone less effective than me telling me what to do.
      Oh and if it is silver or bronze, I’m not interested.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I like water polo as a sport. For some reason, the guys edge out. Fave sports are those which are objective. Athletes are scored against a time clock or metric, not someone’s judgement. That said the beauty of gymnastics or diving makes them enjoyable to watch.

        Although the Winter Olympics are 2 years away, which sport do you like? My fave is skeleton…face first down a hill at tremendous speeds..what xould be better. Kids and i did that when younger…who knew it would become a sport?

        Hope your travels are safe.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes I agree with you about those which can be assessed against something objective. There is no doubting the skill and dedication of the synchronised diving teams or those who engage in certain forms of gymnastics and I know the judges are experts but it remains subjective. It is also difficult for some lay observers (because the margins are so fine) to appreciate any real difference between someone scoring 8 and 7, but everyone can see who is leading the field in a race or who has thrown the javelin the furthest. That is why I opted for the events I competed at when I was an athlete.
          Winter Olympics? Is the snowball fight an Olympic event yet?
          Thank you for your good wishes.

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        You are welcome.

        Hmm…objective sport. Snowball dodgeball. Last one standing wins.

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Good luck with WP Support. Sincerely.

    1. Hey 1J1,
      Do we get to pick an Olympic go to? Last time it was Ryan Lochte for me…I’m liking one of these volleyball players this time. Oh and do you think they are all Narcs? Gotta throw that in so relates to blog somehow.

  4. Poetic_Me says:

    It makes the Heart grow fonder of a happier life N free. Yes, 1jaded1 , a whisper, a quiet scream.

  5. 1jaded1 says:

    *whispers softly and sweetly into you ear* Absence.

  6. HG,
    I’ve noticed the WP problems started when you added suggested reading. Could that be it? It links to your past posts and other inferior blogs. The inferior blogs must have spread some viruses and they’ve infected u. I thought u were impervious to such attacks? Said bowed down b4 u, eyes cast down.

    1. Poetic_Me says:

      ABB, there is no suggested reading section in HGs blog…not that I see anyways?

      1. I’m getting it every post. WP ghosts in the machine….bah Bah bah!

        1. Poetic_Me says:

          Love the Police reference. I am used to it, I just like to express my concerns as they crop up. Especially since others have issues as well. HG has been diligent moderating such issues.

  7. Miss Fortune says:

    Yes I do, I feel it….. 🙁 It’s exactly as you describe….
    How can you write about this in such a detailed way…. Have you been through this yourself?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have not but I have watched so many who have and I have listened to so many who have in order to hone my own abilities. I drink it all in and therefore I ensure I understand what you feel (even though I will not feel it myself) in order to maximise my own machinations and manipulations. You have to do this in order to win.

  8. Heather says:

    Hey H.G! I see others complaining on here that the word press is failing them too. I just wanted to let you know that the emails that used to notify me of new posts have stopped altogether. I don’t know much about computers/internet problems to fix it myself. I don’t even know how to get the “like” button to work! I “like” a lot of the comments here and I can’t. I’m sure I missed a step there, however the alerts have stopped altogether for about 5 days. I wanted you to know

    1. Indy says:

      I too have not been able to hit “like”, get email notifications, reply appropriately to the proper commenters here. I just thought it was my iPad but it is the same on my desktop HP. Grateful and happy to have this space to write and share and witness growth though. Just wanted to add to the list of WP system issues.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thanks and to others who’ve raised these issues. I’ve conveyed them to WP.

    2. Poetic_Me says:

      Heather, I only get notifications for half of the blogs, there is no rhyme or reasons it seems, I don’t get them here either or several other blogs.

  9. Jessica says:

    Spot on. HG you produced heaven and hell. The hell I remember… The lies and the cheating the sleepless nights and too much alcohol as I tried to deal with my wretched heart.

  10. He’s always there in my head… criticizing the things I do… questioning my rationale… pointing out the fat on my thighs. Its a daily battle to make him go away.

  11. Heather says:

    Can you feel the emptiness and the blackness of the bottomless pit of your miserable existence now that I am gone? Can you see the massive holes you blew in your own life now that I’m not there? Are you now shriveling up and ceasing to exist without the love I brought to your life? Do you feel any life at all without me? Are you enjoying the work I did and expending your own energies to replace the lost energy that I gave to your life to try and fill my shoes? How powerful do you feel now taking care of all the things you took for granite that I blessed you with everyday? Or is it all just crumbling around you now? Are you going mad with frustration that you lost the best “thing” you ever had? Is all that rage you spilled onto me turned inward on yourself now? How powerful do you feel now that you have none over me? Are the poisons now swirling around in your body? Do your thoughts torment you night and day? How you sleeping? How does it feel to know that you will NEVER have another chance to control me again? I’m so glad you came back after you so cruely and ruthlessly discarded me! Just so I could tell YOU NO!! How irresistible do you feel now? I’m getting better and stronger every day! Are you?

    1. Poetic_Me says:

      Brilliant Retort, Heather.

      1. Heather says:

        Thanks 🙂

  12. Maddie says:

    that would feel extraordinary…. but can You feel me? my breath I spilled into Your lungs while we kissed? can You see these sparkling stars in my eyes looking at You with love despite knowing who You are? … can You see me in Your eyes while looking in the mirror? I am there. .. xxx ♥

  13. Mary says:

    Just reading more of Escape, hoping to finish it tonight. As I read I can’t help but have a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach that my ex N will make another contact when his lastest relationship goes to shit. I want to have the strength to not respond as I believe I am still very angry I allowed this to happen to me in the first place but resisting telling him off is hard as I engaged him the last time he tried. I am deciding on which book of yours I want to order next. Any suggestions HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I recommend Black Hole and Fury.

  14. traveler1965 says:

    Wow. It’s all amazingly convoluted, and we fall for it so easily.

  15. centauride12 says:

    The second part of this post, to me, sounds as though it could be the creature that you keep so securely incarcerated speaking.

    It made me wonder if that is where the impetus for devalution comes from. Is it the creature compelling you to do it’s evil bidding?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I suppose in a way it does because the need to keep it at bay provides the impetus for us to gather fuel and negative fuel serves that purpose as well, powering us and allowing us to power the construct, keep moving forward and keep the creature imprisoned. It does not so much “tell us” to devalue you, its attacks are against us,not you, but the need to silence it is the catalyst for the need for fuel – both positive and negative.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        A most revealing response.

  16. ann94063 says:

    I used to say “I can’t imagine life without you.” Now, I say “I can’t imagine having you back in my life!” Progress!

  17. centauride12 says:

    Very good post HG, the contrast of the two faces of narcissism. The Light and the Darkness. The Heaven and the Hell.

    The first part is so full of love it could have been written by one of my kind and would have been truth. The beauty of those words should be from the lips of an angel.

    The second part is so full of hate, it’s sad. It is clearly written by a devil.

    It made me think that it is like cancer the way it takes without mercy. A cancer that ravages the empath maybe giving brief periods of remission only to return. Unrelentingly consuming every part of the person until nothing is left.

    We empaths have to do battle with this cancer and should we win, we must remain ever vigilant and keep ourselves healthy in case it should try to invade again.

    How does it make you feel HG, to be a cancer?

    1. Poetic_Me says:

      We can recover….excellent analogy Centauride12

  18. Cara says:

    I feel my mother’s presence. She’s the puppet master of myself and my two sisters, whether we like it or not. She’s been pulling our strings since we came out of her body.

    That’s not to say I haven’t pulled the strings of others (I admit I have), but my mother doesn’t just pull, she can play my strings (and those of my sisters) like a world-class harp player plucks the strings of a harp.

  19. Poetic_Me says:

    Haunting post HG, my long post disappeared…..this one still resonates deeply within me….where I used to feel him. I only hear you know. That is progress from months ago, when I could only hear him, In your words.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Its not disappeared

      1. Poetic_Me says:

        I can’t see it, it’s not in moderation either. Curses WP, it doesn’t like my name change, evil forces at work.

      2. Poetic_Me says:

        What do you mean it hasn’t disappeared? WP has been playing up on me. Most frustrating. Switching screen names, posting issues, replies disappearing, unable to log in for periods of time….I wonder if anyone else is having these types of issues too?

        1. PM,
          “WordPress” is a very well oiled machine. WP knows exactly what it is doing and never ever is wrong or makes a mistake. For u to even think let alone say that WP is at fault for losing anything will cost u deeply. WP cannot take any playing. It wants it’s commenters in line. If they cross it, the commenter will be subject to all kinds of bizarre happenings. WP needs to lighten up. WP is loved by me & u and everyone else in their own respective ways. WP needs to understand that some commentators give commentary with no agenda to pain the blogger. WP is a wonderful, amazing, thought provoking place. I like to dwell in the land of WP. I hope WP allows me to continue to do so. 💙 I think WP knows that I don’t have issues, I have a magazine rack. Love you WP.

          1. Poetic_Me says:

            A Magazine gun holder rack perchance? I am not a gun enthusiast ABB, but I have heard of such things. Way to deal with issues….shoot holes in the stories. I like your thinking.

            I actually meant WordPress, I have had issues in this blog, other blogs and my own when I had one. Reoccurring problems. Like anything I replied to for much of today, would not post. Most frustrating, and even out of HGs capable hands.

            Several readers are posing WordPress issues on the blog. I am sure just glitches that will be thusly ironed out. Might be related to changing WP information etc.

          2. PM,
            I meant magazine rack like you find in NYC news stand. I was once again teasing HG. I think he got that. But, WP needs to get their stuff together as it seems they are causing people’s racks to fill up with their issues.

          3. Poetic_Me says:

            Sorry ABB, that reply came up in my reader as reply to me, I thought it might have been meant for Hg instead. But. I replied since it was in mine and I liked your reply. I knew what you meant btw, I was making a joke, of sorts. I totally understood your post in all respects.

  20. Fool me 1 time says:


  21. Miss_stress says:

    That photo looks eerily like me HG…when I had my natural hair color. That rather scared me. CN would say he Would only watch porn where the women look like me. That I should take it as a compliment, he didn’t want to watch someone that didn’t look like me. He admitted he did this when we we apart, his choosing due to silent treatments. D raged at me for being offended. As he felt I should have felt complimented. My offence wasn’t the porn, it was that he tried to angle it to be my issue, not his. That it was my fault I wasn’t with him, when he chose to leave and give me silence for weeks and months.
    The ties that bind, the threads that bind us to another. Making us one, separate, yet together. I see that in this image. Only he would be standing behind with threads connecting us.
    Oh, how I really like this one, HG. It was when I first thought you were him, my apologies again, the words you used , the things you say In this writing. So much like him. I prefer the previous image you used, it appeared more sinister, in reflecting the tone of the piece.
    I really feel so much when I read this. But, you know what I don’t feel this time…him. As last time when I said I didn’t feel him, I still did , after I thought about the words you wrote. This time, he is vanquished from Your haunting words. Healing part 2.

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      You are healing. So happy for that.

  22. nikitalondon says:

    Can you hear me? I am the bird that stands on your window and sings a love song. Can you feel me? Ial the wind that blows on your face givinv you the refreshing air you need.
    Can you feel me? I am the rain that that brings stillness
    Can you see me? I am the light thaf wants to shine on you forever 😍😍❤️😘🌔

    1. Poetic_Me says:

      Those are lovely words Nikita.

      1. nikitalondon says:

        Thank you Poetic_Me. Will call you from now on by your handle name 🙂

        1. Poetic_Me says:

          Thank you Nikita.

      2. Christinemcgowan says:

        I dont feel anything anymore
        I want peace

        1. Poetic_Me says:

          Wonderful. Christine. Yes, me too. The return of serenity and back to normalacy.

    2. Beautiful Nikita, just like your soul.

      1. nikitalondon says:

        🙂 thanks. Hope you are doing well

  23. Karen says:

    It sounds like something we need to stay away from at all costs. It’s so easy to be ensnared (we willingly and welcomely let you do so) and yet so painfully hard to untangle from. You make it sound so scary. I think it is something we should be scared of. Good writing 🙂

    1. Poetic_Me says:

      We love people, they own objects.

  24. Steeviann says:

    Nope, I don’t feel him anymore. I cut the head of the snake off. What day is this? Day 7? Thank goodness for you HG. He would still be coiled around me. Now it is hard to use him in my fantasy, just doesn’t arouse me so much. I was the one who brought the extreme passion to the table. He was and is a has been. He knows this.

    1. Miss_stress says:

      Yay, Steeviann…I don’t feel CN anymore I these words either. Time does heal.

    2. May I just say, Steeviann, that you are quite striking.

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