Volte Face

 

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Contradictions. About turns. Doing one thing and meaning another. Those are staple ingredients in becoming entangled with our type. Of course the Lesser and the Mid-Range of our kind do not see the contradictions. To them, their behaviour makes absolute sense even though when it is viewed from your perspective there is a clear contradiction in what has been said or done. This naturally frustrates, upsets and infuriates you as you attempt to make us see that you are correct and we are not. Or to make us see that we have behaved in a contradictory or hypocritical fashion. You will not succeed. The Lesser or the Mid-Range does not do this deliberately, it is just how they are. The Lesser reacts. The Mid-Range realises that denying and deflecting what you are trying to get him to see causes more upset and frustration and that makes him feel good. He does not know why this is, he does not know the concept of fuel, but he knows the more you react the better he feels. He also knows that he does not like to be held to account or to be seen to be the one who is to blame, for anything, thus he will not accept any suggestion of contradictory behaviour because it is inherent with such an accusation that there is blame attached. The Greater knows that to twist, to turn, to shift and to alter allows the emotional responses to flow and to become heightened. He knows that what he does is viewed as contradictory but he will not accept it. He must portray control and superiority at all times otherwise he will find himself damned. He revels in switching from one position to the other, within moments and then seeing if you dare to point out this shift in stance. Should you do so, he will deny and deflect in order to frustrate you, to upset you and to alarm you.

The use of volte faces is part of the process of gas lighting also. An insidious and effective method of controlling you, eroding your sense of perspective and forcing you ever backwards until ultimately you know nothing other than our warped truth, yours having been dispelled some time ago. Making you a stranger to your own reason is evidence both of our power and our abusive behaviour. Thus the use of contradictory behaviour, the volte face, is prevalent when we commence the devaluation. Here are five you may know well.

 

  1. The Joy Has Gone

We once showed such enthusiasm for Indian cuisine and would often try to find the latest and most exciting restaurant for us to both go to. It might have been the zealous delight we exhibited at the prospect of going hill-walking with you, or discussing the latest production at the local theatre. You loved how we connected over these shared interests. Of course it was all mirroring. We love what you love. Now there is no need to do it anymore. We care little for Indian cuisine but since you loved it so much, we decided to do so as well. Hill walking is tedious. The only thing we liked was being on top of the world. As for the theatre, if we have to sit through another obscure play we will explode. Still it was worth making you think we loved all those things as it made you easier to bind to us. Keep listing everything you think we have in common and I will pick that list down to nothing.

 

  1. The Compliments End

I embedded you as the supply of my positive fuel and you functioned well so you earned those further compliments. Now there is no need to provide them. Oh I am aware that you look even better than you did when we first met, that you are trying hard to tease the compliments for me in order to try to stave off that nagging fear that you are losing me, but it is to no avail. I know you are trying your best to please me, accommodate what I want but all I now look at is someone who irritates me. You see, if I had loved you like someone healthy, I would not feel like this now, but because I never did, there is nothing to prevent the feeling of contempt and annoyance which washes over me each time I see you. But where are the compliments? Somebody else has them now.

 

  1. A Sudden Realisation

Do you know something, I love my ex. I do. You have made me realise this. I thought I did not know what love was until I met you (I vaguely remember saying something like this to you some time ago) but come to think of it, I knew all along and it is my ex that I love. Not you. Thanks for the distraction whilst I worked things out. What? I said she was abusive and a psycho? No I did not. There you are, you have just proved to me why I cannot love someone like you. Good bye.

 

  1. But You Thought I Hated That

Why have I gone to that classical concert when I said to you that I could not stand classical music. I don’t recall saying that. Stop trying to tell me what I like and do not like. You are so controlling. I have always enjoyed reading books, where on earth did you get the idea from that I did not. Yes, I love strawberries, they are delicious and I love eating them, I never told you I was allergic to them. Stop making things up. You need some help. You keep twisting things around and I don’t like. it There you are. That is something I hate. What you do.

 

 

 

  1. The Sudden Complaints

Must we really go to your parents this weekend? So what if I have never complained about it before? That doesn’t matter. I am doing so now because I want to isolate you from them. I suspect they do not like me and I am not going to let them put ideas in your head, so they have gone on the black list and I will now issue complaints about seeing them in order to drive a wedge between you and them. The more isolated you become the better. I will start to complain regularly in order to stop you doing things and in order to upset you. That is the way I operate now. Don’t you dare complain about it.

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18 thoughts on “Volte Face”

  1. I love the term volte face. It is wonderful.

    Always keep them guessing and hard as they try, they`ll never come up with the right answer because the only right answer is the one we have fashioned. And it, like everything else, changes like the wind.

    Thank you for this, HG. Your writing and your existence in the world make my day.

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  2. Wow I find myself laughing while I read these articles. You bring it all to light in a way that makes it all seem so ridiculous. Like when we’re in a healthy frame of mind it’s so ridiculously blatant what goes on, how could a person not see it. Healthy is the key word I guess. Some people can spot these behaviors a mile away. My sister would always forewarn me, but my heart would already be ensnared by the time she got to me. These articles are like my daily doses of medicine. Only there’s no spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down 🙂 That’s ok, pain is a great teacher.

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  3. yeah, this is painfully accurate. I recall my ex-n happen to love Thai and Indian and all the dishes I brought over and introduced to him. He also happened to love blue cheese dip(not common), instead of ranch (disgusting stuff) and dark ginger ale (I adore it). After about a year, this faded and the last 6 months, he started using ranch and didn’t keep ginger ale at the house for me when I would stay over. As there are few drinks I like, it was something I saw as sweet of him to do. That stopped. The hiking…yes! That is partially what reminded me of all this was your mention of walking up hills (haha). I love hiking and being outdoors. So, we went “hill walking” a lot in the beginning. That died. His feet hurt, etc etc…

    I noticed but kept my mouth shut. I did a lot of noticing and keeping my mouth shut as I knew it would start a fight. I picked battles carefully, based on when they started to cross my value system, then my boundaries got alerted. Even my friends noticed. Indy, you lost that spark in your eyes. Why are you not so spunky and feisty? They knew.

    Yes, then the compliments (which he was actually rather stingy on, shockingly for a narc), disappeared. I would compliment him and knowing I looked good I would ask “how do I look”? He would gaslight me with, “I already told you that you looked nice” with an irritated tone, even though he didn’t. He did that more and more. Not say things, then say he did. Or say things and then deny them. Or under the breath insults and then smile and say, “nothing dear”…thought I was loosing my mind and my hearing. I actually got my hearing checked (hahahah)…mess with a woman with hypochondriasis and this is what happens. LOL

    Sigh, very accurate indeed, HG. Feeling a little melancholy about it today. Glad to be out of the mess after officially 30 days out with no contact, though those memories hurt, the happy ones, the painful ones. All of it really was a painful slow ripping apart.

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  4. Hi HG ,

    Is there a way of contacting you other than FB .

    Don’t worry . I just need some advice about my chat with the Police commissioner I told you about recently . All good .

    Thank you .

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  5. Its is indeed an attitude that drains energy and hurts, damaging the soul.
    The need to portray comtrol and superiority was for me the most significative sentence of the post. Its like the need to eat or to sleep…. I think not all Ns practice this. Its correlated to the place in the spectrum I thimk.. Independent of the category. … My idea.
    Thanks for this illustration HG😍😍.

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    1. Hi Nikitalondon, I like your thought :”I think not all Ns practice this”, I would love for you to elaborate more on where on the spectrum you think it falls? This was my exe’s M.O. to a T and really was something he did a lot. It was painful to read and a helpful read too, as usual. -Indy

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  6. Double talk, circular conversations, mumbo jumbo and my personal favorite….rigmarole. Akin to the another article, smoke and mirrors, part of the grand illusion of the CN and beyond. The Narcissists unending need to be right In their wrongs.
    I would imagine a lesser wouldn’t be so skilled In this endeavour?

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  7. Penne Arrabbiata. On one of our earlier dates, I ordered it bc yummy and spicy. I even put extra pepper flakes in. Ex N2 copi…I mean mirrored me…”loved” spicy food. He took a bite and looked pretty labored while eating it. I was concerned. He insisted he was fine. Later that night we were talking to his parents. I told them what we had and she explained that he HATED spicy food and he must have thought I was special for him to have ordered it. Talk about a volte face. His dad thought it was hilarious and I wanted to crawl into a hole. N2s response was spicy food was a taste he learned to acquire. His dad replied, “since when, last night?” I’m laughing my ass off as I write this, but I wish I would have made haste away from that family.

    Is there a food you would never eat no matter how much you were into the seduction? I mean something so nasty gross that your stomach couldn’t physically keep it in? It’s actually a serious question and I hope you answer it.

    Gotta go. Six hour trip and I need to select my music. Classical will definitely be in the mix. Have a good weekend if I don’t pop in, although you know I will.

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    1. That’s a good example of the lengths we will go to in order to mirror.

      No, I would eat whatever was required so long as it was edible (so glass, engine parts and faeces is not included).

      How strong is your stomach?

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      1. I hope you wouldn’t eat any of that. Whst is the nastiest thing you’ve eaten to preserve the seduction?

        My stomach strength is a spectrum.

        Strong regarding food. I can eat pretty much anything. Spicy is best as in red pepper flakes. I’ve eaten them straight. Chitlins were pretty nasty when I tried them, my friend said she understood. Organ meat was a staple growing up as was overcooked everything.

        Strong regarding alcohol. I’ve done super proof alcohol on an empty stomach and kept it in.

        Strong regarding gorefests in the movies bc fake.

        Strong regarding gorefest in real life, if I can detach. I’ve seen crime scene photos that would curl one’s toes.

        Mild nausea if i can’t detach. People in pain make me want to cry. Nausea grows if the hurt are elderly or children.

        Downright pukey if I am the cause of others’ pain. Just the thought makes me queasy.

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  8. What if the target ignores your deflections and carries on without reaction? What is your response?
    And, do you get fuel if you know they are hurt but ignore that and present strongly to carry on as normal?

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