The Narcissistic Covenant
There is a covenant which exists between you and I, between our kind and your kind. It is not necessary for you to provide consent to this covenant in order for it to be binding. You do not know that this covenant exists but it does. Its terms govern the relationship between us and you, whether you are entangled with the Lesser of our kind, the Mid-Range of the Greater. It matters not. The covenant applied from the moment that we selected you to be our victim. There are ten parts to this covenant and they reflect the mind set and attitude of our kind towards you and how you and I interact. There is little doubt that in looking back at your entanglement with us you will recognise certain elements of this but whilst you were very much in our grip, you would have no idea that these were the terms which governed our treatment of you.
- You were chosen
Our ensnaring of you might have been portrayed as chance, a piece of serendipity but it was not. You were chosen to be our victim. The Lesser will have instinctively recognised your potential without knowing why. The Mid-Range will have applied some thought to the process, potentially dismissing less favourable candidates. The Greater identified you, monitored you and then moved in for the “kill”. In every instance you were chosen.
- You belong to us
You are an object to us. An appliance. Therefore, we are able to assert proprietary rights over you just as we would with some other kind of object or chattel. Since we own you, we choose what to do with you, without recourse to you or anybody else. This is our inalienable right.
- You exist solely for our purposes
We are the centre of your world, the heart of your universe and at all times everything that you do should be focused on us, for our benefit and advancement. You do not exist for your family. You do not exist for our children. You do not exist for your friends, colleagues, fellow members of a club or congregation. We are all that matters to you.
- This is forever
This covenant lasts for ever. In our minds it is one that exists in perpetuity for we do not wish to contemplate our own demise and care nothing for yours, other than it inconveniencing us by the interruption to our supply of fuel. This relationship transcends all others. You may have told us that you do not wish to be “with us” any longer. You may have broken off the engagement or divorced us. In our mind all that you have done is end the Formal Relationship which is something that people lesser than our kind engage in with one another and that which we accede to for the sake of fitting in. In our minds our relationship exists beyond this Formal Relationship. This is the Narcissistic Relationship and means we remain entitled to effect the terms of this covenant against you at all times until your last breath or our last breath.
- This is totalitarian
There is no limit to our power over you. We are entitled to and we will exercise our right to, govern every facet of your life, interfere in everything that you do, monitor you and control you in order to achieve our aims. You must accept that you are entirely subservient to us.
- You cannot end this covenant
You have no rights under this covenant. You cannot bring about its unilateral termination. Indeed, it cannot be ended at all. You are not able to state that its terms are inapplicable to you, that it has no jurisdiction or effect over you. Such protestations are invalid.
- We owe you nothing
We are entitled to do as we please without challenge, question or restraint. We have no obligation to do anything for you. We have no compulsion to act in your interests, have regard to your opinion, your feelings or your desires. If we do so, it will only be for the advancement of our position.
- Fuel provision is paramount
The provision of fuel is above all else. This is in terms of what you must provide to us and also in allows us to seek fuel from other sources, whenever we deem necessary and howsoever we choose. Concepts of fidelity and monogamy are null and void with regard to this part of the covenant. Issues of protocol and etiquette and meaningless.
- The Ends Justifies the Means
The covenant grants us carte blanche to do what is necessary for our purposes. This is supported by our concept of total entitlement and the fact that we have no accountability, culpability or blameworthiness for any of our actions. Whatever needs to be done will be done to ensure the furtherance of our agenda, aims and needs.
- We are the Victim
We are the victim in all of this. This is why the covenant exists by reason to compensate us for all of the outrageous injustices, misfortunes, unfairness and hardships that this cruel and feckless world has meted out to us.
70 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Covenant”
Ignore or lash out ? I thought all narcs were cheats , even if happy with their primary source?
Ignore or lash out in which context Lisa. Yes, narcissists cheat (not always sexually but very often). We are not bound of course by the rules that others must obey.
Rule 1. What is discussed in Tudor’s head about rules, stays in Tudor’s head about Rules
Rule 2. Follow Rule 1
Rule 3. Deny Rule 1
Rule 4. Tease blog readers about Rules 1-3
Rule 5. There were never any rules, muah ah ah ah (Hg’s evil laugh)
Amusing but I cannot say any more.
Ah, the sophisticated 5th grader! Yes, chocolate milk in a snifter with a candied-gum cigar.
Are you stalking me again Indy. I will tell MatriNarc about you.
Oh, her? She doesn’t scare me. I got friends….I mean lieutenants….I mean……..”I’m telling!”
**grabs toys and goes home, made sure to swipe some of your candy too! Secret rules written inside the wrapper, folks**
Have a good one, off to do my thang.
Hi HG, given I’m a new comer, I don’t know all the shared stories about your girlfriends in past and present. Is Amanda a current primary or a very special past relationship? Did you write a post on her? Do narcicists hold one more highly, even from the past, than others? Since you describe your view of others as appliances, in the HG laundry mat, it it like some exes are your old school standard top loading washers while others are front loading smart washers 😉
Quite alright Indy. She is not a current primary. I did write about her. Look for Voice of an Angel and Angel of my Creation. I hold her above others yes and I believe that my kind do so because that is part of the reason why we keep looking for The One. You analogy to the washers is accurate.
Thank you, HG, for your responses and your continued education. I have a lingering question about the 5 rules you abide by but do not tell us about:
1. Should we be worried about these 5 rules?
2. Should we be on-guard?
3. I wonder, will we, your readers, have an end in golden period?
You have given so much on this blog and I have such gratitude and in my heart (perhaps not my brain), I hope for your eventual recovery of the full “you” (not that the current you isn’t already pretty impressive!!!)
~~~ Ninja Bunny, Indy
1. No. They are my rules, not yours.
2. No. They are my rules, not yours.
3. There is not reason for your golden period here to end.
Thank you for your kind sentiments.
Do your rules ever create a challenge for yourself in how you respond here with the readers vs. how you would react with people in your everyday life?
Do you ever seek guidance from the doctors in adhering to your own rules if something presents a challenge, or are they not involved with that aspect?
I cannot say.
Lolll, because one of your rules is to never discuss the rules with us. (One down, four to go).
I cannot say.
Darn it, I was going to ask the same thing, Clarece about whether the questions were provided or reviewed by the good docs. I think Mr. HG here is having fun not telling. I can hear the singing in 4th grader pitch: “Na-na, na-na, not evah gonnah tell ya!!!!” with his tongue stuck out 😉
No I am not having fun not telling you because I know you would all find them fascinating and debate them which I would enjoy observing, but, I cannot disclose.
Oh poo! I kind of liked the idea of a teasing 4th grader boy attitude. LOL
I am more 5th grade.
It’s ok. I understand.
Indy – that`s a perfect analogy!!!!! Love it.
Do you offer advice through private messaging or email?
I never offer advice. I give you my view and it is up to you whether you take notice of it or not but I am always content to provide you with my observations and insight for you. You can e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
This is your personal email HG?
Hg I am curious as to how old you were when you were diagnosed as a narcissist?and what were your thoughts about it?
It was as a narcissist sociopath and it was recently. I have answered elsewhere Christy what my thoughts were about it.
“You” … “They”…chose me by mistake. It had to have been a mistake. Everyone makes them. The train tracks invite me every day. Why would one choose that…
Do you have children HG?
H.G how would a narcissist react to an attractive woman trying to seduce him while he is in a relationship and is happy with his primary fuel? Would he decline the offer?
He would KT and either ignore or lash out.
Hi HG , of any post I’ve ever read of yours this is the one that I cannot understand AT ALL. Obviously trying to understand any if this is beyond believe but my narc just doesn’t fit this . All his exes have moved on and are not in contact with him . Now you might say how do I know , well I can’t know for sure . But I do kind of know because I know who they are and they are now moved away or married or with other people or married with kids . These obviously we’re the longtime public girlfriends . God knows about the others . By public I mean the ones his family and friends knew about this includes me. They were also taken to the membership club that he goes to which is a complete dump by the way , but I had the honour of going there every Saturday and when it was questioned by friends that they hadn’t seen him with a woman there for 3 years , this is when the last ex ended . He said no one was worthy of going there until he met me . Which at the time I thought was a joke . I now think in his sick head he believed that. Anyway how can we be tied to him in this way when we a move on and so does he ?
The difference is Lisa is that you are looking at this from just your perspective. You may consider that you have moved on (as have other women). That is fine from your perspectives. However from our perspective although it may look like to you that we have moved on, we still exert a proprietary right over you which means that we will look to hoover at some future points (subject to the various considerations which I have detailed on previous occasions). It is a difference in perspectives.
If you happen to be the offspring of a narcissist, then yes, you are their property (you belong to them). But the puppet has a way of growing up to become puppet master.
I vouch on this statement Cara. Good one.
And once again its all about the fuel! It is also your way of protecting yourself so that you won’t be hurt again!! It is the only way you have learned to hide from that fear of being hurt or not good enough! You can swear you don’t care until your blue in the face and I will not believe you! It is there in your writings, I feel it!!! Im on to you HG! Xxx
You were also the victim … I know 😢😢❤️
Thank you Nikita. No tears sweet one! We were all victims! Every single one of us! Even are precious HG! 🌺 The flowers for you Nikita. This is for HG⚽️ Football!! Xxx
Hahaha FM for him its soccer ⚽️⚽️
Have a nice day
Thanks for the flowers!! Here also for you I bouquet I constructed for you
Very kind words FM.. Very true
Try reading this and see if you feel that the narc is also a victim – I suspect not. You are applying your map to what you are reading. Fuel is 100% attention and adoration and devaluation if you are deemed to have failed.
I still am not convinced that HG is doing a public service, as this does not fit with his personality criteria. I am more likely to believe that he would enjoy a good hoover of other Narc victims as they describe to him their anger, fears and manipulations experienced – second hand fuel.
HG does not strike me as a wounded person, but one who when provoked would enjoy dishing out the destruction.
Correct me if I am wrong HG?
GL, I do still believe that we are all victims, the narc and the empath. I can not judge another until I have walked a mile in their moccasins! Thank you for sending that for me to read but it still has not changed my mind. As far as second hand fuel I don’t know only HG can answer that? I would think especially him being a greater,he has plenty of first hand fuel and does not need any from us. Have a good rest of your day.
These are tantalizing and riveting articles HG. What a treat to the eyes and mind.
I do believe I broke the covenant that had me bound. He knows this. He will not try to amend it. There are much easier prospects for him. Those who willing comply when requested to do so. I am surprised he reaped my sustenance for so long. I am certainly not the most compliment adornation in the pile. I have my own mind and will. I love wholly and am devoted fully. But, I always speak my mind and question. He needs to find someone more readily coerced to tow the line. The sad part is I truly loved him, even when I knew what he was.
That is different as he focused on my family and my devotion to them, he never expected my sole devotion. He always praised me for how I love and care for others, including him. As I am monogomous, he knew no other man would ever come before him. What mother would place a man over her child? That is appalling to me. He never asked , nor did he expect such. I will never fault him there.
I can only be controlled , if I allow myself to be. Then that isn’t control, is it. It is willingness. I am rather uncontrollable type. I never felt he tried to control me, other then when he would once unwarranted blame upon me. And the silent treatments were his greatest form of control, but then..I chose to wait for him. He did not force me to wait or stay or love him..I chose to do so. That was within my control.
He did say I have no rights, when he was in a rage. But he also said we have no contract. I wish he had of said we did have a contract and presented me with some thing along the lines of this covenant. I always had the sense he owed me nothing, based on silent treatments alone. When he said ” I don’t need to call or message you when I am gone, I will return when I do, I do not need to tell you when I will leave or when I will return. That is my choice. Stop asking me.” By the way, I continued to ask, despite having no right to, according to him.
Yes, he was and you were victims, but not our victims. The victims of someone long before us. Just as many of us were victims, of someone long before you. As I don’t hold him or you responsible for the sins of my mother, nor should he or you hold myself or others responsible for the sins of yours. We all seek to amend and atone for those past sins against us. We need better ways to meet that atonement. We can find better ways. I understand this is your way to mete out justice for yourself. I accept that. Maybe one day there will be a meeting In the middle.
I do not hate him, I wish that he feels the same for me. That is my hope. We just move forward. Regardless of his attempted hoovers to recover this sacred Covenant.
In the worst of the cases of stories I have heard it is like described above..
I see how exactly you describe the situations HG because I have heard it exactly like this. You are the new Bible!!!!
Thanks God was not my case. 0/3 😃😃😃
Hg..I was wondering when and how you were diagnosed as a narcissist and how you felt about it. Reading this article amazes me how much it sounds like the relationship I was in.
The diagnosis was recently and is narcissistic sociopath. How do I feel about it? It is a label. I am a clever man and I understand why that conclusion has been reached based on the way I think and behave, I can see and understand why that label has been given to me. Of course, for the purpose of manipulations outside of this arena I would reject such a label.
Thank you so much for answering my question. I don’t know what to think about my ex. I started coming across all of this information in the last few months when things were getting bad. I knew it all fit him. But when I asked him if he had ever been diagnosed with anything (he’s been in and out of therapy since he was a kid) .He told me he was diagnosed with anxiety and dissociative disorder…then he said I’m not crazy, I’m not a narcissist. I never brought that up to him. About a week later I asked him why he used the word narcissist and he flipped out, cussing at me and said if I think that he never wants to talk to me again….I’m confused. I sent you an email, I would like to ask you some things if that is OK.
You are welcome, no problem with sending an e-mail.
Well written and perfectly said without a doubt, HG. Heart breaking for most concerned in “love”. Have you ever been in Love?
All the time. Of course I have had it pointed out to me that I do not know what it actually is.
Interesting, how so?
How so what Leilani?
Hold up a minute….confused….1.) Is this a truthful answer, HG? Thought you said 4-5 posts ago that you didn’t love. Or, are you purposely confusing us 😉 I wondered about your comments on love, as we all love in our own ways, right? Who knows what inner experience of love is from person to person…I suspect it varies greatly. 2.) who tells you that you do not know what love is? So many questions ….
I love in a way that is my kind of love, so when viewed from my perspective Indy, I do love. However, my love is not akin to your concept of love and therefore when I say I do not actually love anybody, it is with reference to your understanding of the notion of love. You are correct that one’s experience of love does vary but I can safely say that from all the listening and observing that I have done, whatever variances there are in “your love” they are still vastly different from mine.
Hello HG, my resources have asked me to provide them with hard copies of your books and I wanted to confirm that all are available at Amazon? I will be in gaps of travels in the sky in the next 2 weeks but will have one of my Assistants complete the mission. Thank you. Yes, football and hot dogs!
Hello, the following are available as hard copy – Ask, Sitting Target, Revenge, Sex and the Narcissist, Escape, No Contact, Splintered Malice, Fuel, Seduction, Ensnared. Total Confessions will be available in a few days.
Noted. Thank you HG.
Would you hold Amanda to this covenant and all parts? What if she could not accept your comings and goings and lack of monogomy? I guess my point is do you hold out that there is an angel out there for you that would make all this melt away for you and you wouldn’t even miss it?
Why would I go elsewhere when I had her?
Hi Clarece, not that long then compared to mine over 3 months the longest ever break up . I think HG does hold out for the perfect woman . I know my N does. I believe this is common with these type of personality disorders BPD as well from what I’ve read . I know my Narcisist believes this one hundred percent . The dreamy idea of the perfect woman . The truth is my N has probably met a few women in his life that would have been great partners and he would have had a happy life with them but he sabotages every time . I don’t know if he knows this or believes the stories he tells . He recently said to me he’s never going to find it now as it doesn’t exisist , that’s not quite true I believe a lot of work is being done on human androids he could hold out to buy one of them . He then got the final dig in by saying that when he moves abroad he will find her there . What is so confusing about HG is how knowledgable he is and how much he can look at the illness and not only see it but rationalise it when answering our questions , which I believe is always with honesty regarding our own situations and yet there is still that blind spot . I guess that is the nature of the disorder
I read your other reply to someone else on what the notion of “love” from others perception and I agree. It was pointed out to me as well that I do not know what it actually is. What do you think “true love” actually is HG?
HG version of love ? Did I read that correctly he said
Complete Dedication !!
That would be complete dedication to the narc with zero dedication from the narc .
Sounds like a match made in heaven 😀
I see, meaning complete dedication to one person HG?