A Million Times


Image result for picture of champage cork popping

As some of you kindly looked out for and highlighted yesterday evening (by GMT) I broke through the one million hits in under a year for this blog. Naturally somebody of my talent deserves to be recognised in that way and I am pleased to report that as I checked and saw that number had been breached, the cork on the chilling bottle of Deutz champagne was popped and I drank a toast. Of course those of my inner circle friends that I was with last night understood the toast to be to the expected success of my football team as the new season gets under way today and to the success of Team GB at the Olympics as they surge to third in the medal table (although I do not see Team US being displaced from first place). The toast however was to my success and also to you my readers. Much like the relationship on which I write, we both need one another in order for it to work (even though my kind do not like to admit that fact openly) . If I didn’t write it, you couldn’t read it. If you didn’t read it, there would be little point to me writing it. Accordingly, since I am such a thoroughly decent fellow (at least in this arena) I wanted to thank you all for reading, for sharing your experiences and stories, for articulating your feelings and views, for challenging me, for asking interesting and varied questions, for adding to my understanding of you all, for making me laugh andΒ for being an interesting, articulate and thoughtful group of readers. This work is important in a number of ways. It should reach more eyes and I know through my writing, your contributions and sharing that this will happen. There is still much, much more to come, more to share and more revelations about my kind and me. We still have much to do together.

So, thank you and here’s to the next million hits.



102 thoughts on “A Million Times

  1. peaches36936 says:


  2. Crayon says:

    Congratulations!! You’re becoming quite the celebrity πŸ™‚

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Crayon.

  3. Lilly says:

    Congratulations on your million hits, HG! It’s only been a couple of days and already it’s well beyond that. Clearly you’re touching many lives by sharing your knowledge and you deserve a lot of praise for it.

    I’m thankful that I found your blog and books when I started my quest for understanding why my relationship went the way it did. I was totally distraught, not thinking clearly, not getting any answers from him, all that stuff you mention us going through post discard/escape. Your writings have given me perspective and clarity for this most recent situation, for prior ones, for family, and for understanding my own nature a little better too. The knowledge I’ve gained here has already helped me to deal with people in my life. It’s also helped me start weeding out certain people before they potentially become a problem. The battle is ongoing, but I feel much better equipped now. Thank you.

    I haven’t been poking around here as long as some, but I’ve been on here long enough to see new people come and it seems like we all go through similar phases or processes. I see you occasionally repeating blog posts which keeps info visible as people cycle through, and saying similar things to people in comments when we’re at certain places in our understanding/fighting our battles. I know different rules apply here than elsewhere but that came across to me as pretty patient and kind of you. And of course that interaction keeps us engaged with your blog.

    Congratulations again. As you said, this is important stuff for a lot of people and you’re being super awesome in sharing it πŸ™‚ I hope that your own battles and personal work in your own life are going as well as possible.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lilly and thank you for your kind words and sentiments they are appreciated. Yes, I do repeat some of the blog posts because it allows people to consider them from a fresh standpoint as they move along their own journey and also there are people who may have missed the post the first time around and naturally they need to be exposed to my brilliance. I am pleased to see how you have applied my work to your own situation and evidently effectively.

  4. Alex Zangriles says:

    A crazy thought just came to my brain. I really hope HG that this blog and your writing is not phase one in a giant narc game. That you are playing with your empathetic admirers (myself included) by making us crave and desire your blogs every day.

    I could see one day waking up and going to your page and POOF just like a narc in the night…it is gone and you cease to exist in my world anymore.

    We will all be left with nothing but the silent treatment, no way to find you and once again the question WHY that will never be answered.

    This is how I think now; but I have no complaints because I am wiser. So I will use you as long as you continue to use me and I guess we will see what the future will be.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      An understandable thought.
      Different rules apply here and moreover you are no doubt aware from reading my work that the golden period lasts for a long time for those who are not intimate partners. That is unless they step out of line…..

      1. Alex Zangriles says:

        Yes that invisible line that only the narc can see, just waiting to entangle me.

        I so hope I havent crossed it yet HG. Not ready for this Golden period to go awayπŸ†

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are nowhere near it Alex.

      2. Poetic_Me says:

        Some of us never received a Golden period, why I thought you were CN from the onset. Perhaps my ex husband, but he was never really so clever with words. Narcs prefer less challenging empaths. Well except those two. I should consider myself lucky here, that I honestly speak my mind and truth.

    2. Poetic_Me says:

      I would imagine Alex as long as HG is In therapy he will be writing this blog, as the two have been contingent on the other. Plus he needs blog and social media to procure “victims” and fuel. That enticement alone, I Imagine will keep HG staying around for quite some time. Recall. Even if this blog is ended, he will still be writing books. As he is a writer, who enjoys and excels at his craft.

  5. Rhonda says:

    Keep it coming… Your posts are so raw, so specific and you help those of us who know the evil, find the words to explain it. That has always been one of the “hardest” parts of the process. Even still, some cannot wrap their brains around it, and feel as though “we” are some how excusing the behavior with a “diagnosis” of a mental health issue. It’s infuriating really. Gone Girl, the movie, is sometimes a reference I use, but it even falls short. My biggest struggle currently is the Family Court system, after 5 years the judge in my case wants to use excuses of “can’t get along for the children’s sake” and “hate.” So simplistic!! My story has ALL the factors, in a fantastic use of the Narc’s “rule book”..except for physical abuse. He was too much of a coward, to even be that direct..I almost would have welcomed it, just to at least get one good “punch” with a bat in… I hope for more main stream education for this sickness and for more specific education for psychologist and for court systems.. Thank you for doing more than your part❀️

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Rhonda.

  6. So Sad says:

    And running up the rear , here comes So Sad glass in hand . Always late to the party πŸ™‚

    HG Tudor, I’m so very Happy for you .

    It’s 8 months since I joined and nearly all of those burning ” WHY” questions have been answered by your blog posts , your books but most importantly by you , when you taken each & every time to respond personally .

    Armed with the knowledge you’ve freely offered I feel that my future is so much brighter , happier & safe in the knowledge that my narc dar will sound loud & clear when I next meet one .

    This is just the start of even bigger & better things for you & you deserve all the praise for making it happen .

    Here’s a MASSIVE virtual ((((( HUG )))))) from me to you . Cheers HG ..

    Thank you soooooooooooo much for changing my life . I mean that from my heart.

    So Sad ( or not so these days πŸ™‚ ) XxX

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you So Sad, I do appreciate that. I need to use your comment as the endorsement on my books, along with the other marvellous observations that have been made.

      1. So Sad says:

        Anytime HG. Please do . πŸ™‚

        I think I can speak for many of us when I say that understanding plays a huge part in healing & moving on .

        I’ll always be grateful for that .

        Thank you .

        Not So Sad . x

  7. CC says:

    Congrats to you! And thank you! HG!! Cheers!!🍻

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you CC.

  8. Seeking wisdom says:

    Oh this is awesome! Mega congrats HG. Your words have power and give us such an understanding into your world. Here’s to the next million.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SW.

  9. bethany7337 says:

    I’m genuinely happy for you hitting this significant milestone. This blog and your writing as told from your very warped perception make the topic of narcissism both fascinating and infuriating. Most importantly for your readers, your blog serves to crush the illusion and stun us into awakening from the dream. As the song goes, Ya gotta be cruel to be kind. Enjoy your toast…and your soccer.!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Bethany. It is football by the way, you know, as in the ball is struck with the foot!

  10. grisel says:

    HG I’m pretty new on this. I have been learning and reading so many of your articles. Becoming educated its the clue! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting all this info out there. It has opened my eyes in so many aspects. We need it, you need us, it’s a win win. Congratulations and hope it brings you a good rush of adrenaline! (Happiness? Lol)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Grisel and welcome. Do feel free to ask if you have any questions and of course do contribute with your own opinions and observations,

  11. Everything that you write seems to correlate with what I was feeling or going through. As I have said before, the letters you pen always feel like they are written to me from my narc. You are more than appreciated for sharing such a part of yourself that is better, for you, left untapped. Not only have you shared your deepest and darkest thoughts but you gave us the highest respect by responding truthfully and humbly to our questions…we know that a narcissistic will never open themselves up to us so respectfully as you have. So this one million is well deserved and here is to millions more! Thank you HG!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you DC79

  12. centauride12 says:

    Congratulations on such a momentous achievement HG. I have to echo the sentiments of everyone here and thank you for providing such in depth insights that are so helpful in aiding us in understanding and healing from our encounters with your kind.

    Thank you too for being so generous with your time and for carefully considering questions asked of you before providing thorough and sagacious answers.

    But most of all thank you for providing enlightening, poignant, eloquently expressive and dramatically descriptive work that is thought provoking, cathartic and a compelling and entertaining read.

    Long may it continue and I am particularly looking forward with eager anticipation to some of the more introspective work that you have alluded to be written.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you CR12, that is appreciated. Yes, there is plenty more to reveal and many more works on the way. Thank you for reading.

  13. Hope says:

    Congratulations, HG. And truly from the bottom of my heart – thank you for the hard work you do. Your words are life changing. There may be the word “Evil” on the top of your blog, but all I see is the goodness inside of you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Hope, that is kind of you.

  14. mlaclarece says:

    Congratulations H.G.! I’m so proud of you! Since day 1, what a ride it’s been! I have watched you evolve with so much more depth and willingness to open yourself and share with all of us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for enlightening me and beginning to extract the numbness created by the one who drove me here. I’m forever grateful and forever your friend for that.
    I hope this is also something you can share with the doctors and celebrate. They want the best kind of success for you too as we all do!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Clarece, your kind words are appreciated.

  15. My dear brilliant HG…..

    Congratulations to you!!!! Of course it is not surprising in the least but nonetheless it is absolutely wonderful and a testament to the very important work you are doing here in this space.

    No doubt there is more to come I am so grateful to be along on this ride. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself so courageously and honestly and openly.

    This is only the beginning so here’s to you, your brilliance, your graciousness and your future which shines brighter than the sun!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you B&T, indeed it is just the start. Thank you for your kind words and yes there is much more to come.

  16. luckyotter says:

    Congratulations, and those million hits are well deserved. Here’s to your next million!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you LO, it is appreciated.

      1. luckyotter says:

        Of course it is! You must be in hog heaven with all this positive fuel you’re getting! πŸ™‚

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am entitled to it of course LO.

          1. luckyotter says:

            Without a doubt!

        2. mlaclarece says:

          He is definitely getting copious amounts of positive fuel this weekend!!

  17. Sharon says:

    It truly goes to show how much this needs to be talked about more openly. Thank you for being so giving of yourself, and for being a teacher to so many people who need to learn from you. I have learned so much from your blog. Congrats on having so many hits and followers! Your blog truly is the best I’ve ever come across. Good luck to you in your life, and again, CONGRATULATIONS!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Sharon, I appreciate that.

  18. Epic failure that I get no thanks. I take offense to your unkind action. How’s that for negative fuel. You better recognize HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      And thank you to you as well ABB, thank you for the dollop of negative fuel.

  19. Evan711 says:

    A big congratulations for you, H.G! A well deserved celebration for an outstanding job…. I have a feeling this is only the beginning… Cheers!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Evan, I agree with you.

  20. steeviann says:

    Brilliantly executed!

    Are we the only ones you can share this with besides the good doctors?

    Your most loyal fan
    Queen D

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you and yes.

      1. steeviann says:

        Anytime HG, anytime.
        Just so you know I fell off the wagon, talked to the N and have not slept well since. I made a bad choice in reaching out.
        I am now going dark again.
        He said he brings a bat to do battle and that I bring a cannon. Guilty as charged. So the obvious is this is very unhealthy. I am addicted to the pain.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Why did you reach out Steeviann, what circumstances caused that to happen.
          His comment re bat and cannon is blame-shifting.

          1. steeviann says:

            I reached out because I am not thinking straight. I was bored in the business class lounge at Heathrow airport in terminal 3, not so bright and shiny like the other terminal.
            He took my call at 2AM his time when I arrived home from my trip.
            He needed to tell me about the new girl, he slips it in………”we were going to drive to the Jersey Shore but it is raining” “she gets frazzled and I don’t know if it is her or her family who does it” “But no one is like you, they want support or they have so many issues, but no one is like you, you never had an issue and you only wanted to share what you have.” This HG, is the only truth in his words, no issues and lets go play is what I say.
            This is why he agreed to me calling. Oh and to ask who I was with and who took my pictures. That he looked at the calendar wondering when I was coming back from Sweden.
            I am on day one………again!!! Damn-it! It is now a problem with me. I know better.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you for expanding Steeviann, interesting that you reached out given what you know but as you admit you were not thinking straight. Still, his response was laden with the issues you have come to know and was designed to draw fuel. He will hoover you further but you know what to do as you start your journey across the emotional sea again. You are armed this time though.

          3. steeviann says:

            I was armed the first time.
            Honestly HG, why do victims want the mental masterbation. Self screwing in short. I actually know he falls short in so many areas of character. I know this like I know the sun will rise. Why do I go back and what in hell am I looking for? This is hard on my inner peace. My demon want to unleash and cause havoc.

            It is funny that in retrospect, I did not feel it was over the first time he discarded me and it was odd that I thought this. I actually feel it is over now. I believe he does too.

            Do your kind leave items (clothes etc.) at all victims homes? Although I sent them back to him, what was the purpose of leaving them in the first place. He left very nice shirts and pants. (a question for your next book.)
            I live 2000 miles from him, it is not like he could drive by to pick them up.
            EVERYONE said to trash them and not send them back, not to go through the effort.

            I win if I don’t speak another word to him.
            Now there is a novel idea! Change your thoughts, change your world.

            Funny, I look back and he wasn’t all that good sexually. It was me. I had to teach him how to kiss me to start with. He did fall short in some areas too.

            I asked him to be just a travel partner, and he mentioned an activity after a long flight and I said he was welcomed to go find a little hottie to partake in his need that I only wanted travel partner. I have not heard from him since. Why, say you HG?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Yes we do leave items, it forms part of the Ever Presence as mentioned in No Contact and Exorcism. It does this and also provides us with a an excuse on which to base a hoover (if practical). In his case it is clearly done for the purpose of Ever Presence.

            Your suggestion he find someone else amounted to a criticism to him, hence he withdrew.

          5. steeviann says:

            I get a “one for me” on telling him to go get a BJ from someone else?

          6. steeviann says:

            So will he hoover after that assault, unknowing by me? Would he wait for me to reach out.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            He didn’t need to, you contacted him didn’t you?

          8. steeviann says:

            This time I did. But last time he did.

          9. steeviann says:

            I need a lobotomy. So pissed.

          10. steeviann says:

            Just so you know HG, the Narc has become insignificant in the scheme of my life. I don’t get the racing heart rate if I see an email or text from him.

          11. HG Tudor says:

            There’s some progress.

          12. steeviann says:

            yep, thanks to you and time

        2. mlaclarece says:

          Don’t beat yourself up! We’ve all been there!!

  21. Soaking it all in says:

    There is something here that I love experiencing with you. I wait for the time matrinarc realizes you don’t need her money. You made the top best sellers list on your own!
    Thank you HG. I have come a very long way and I no I have so much longer to go! This blog certainly can be healing on many levels. If I could be your date to the invailing of your best seller with matrinarc in the center I would be honored. I don’t disappoint! I wear a powerful mask when I need to!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well I rather agree SI, more people ought to know and educate themselves and that ought to propel me to my rightful place atop the best sellers list. You can of course join me for the unveiling of the latest powerful instalment in my ongoing revelations because believe me there is way more to come.

  22. Alex Zangriles says:

    Congrats HG! I have a question which may have already been answered in your previous writings but I am still catching up . Do your friends, family, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc… know you are a narc or are you completely undercover? Also, when did you realize what you are? And just to fuel you up, you are truly intriging and amazing😘

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Alex. Family members know of my diagnosis. Beyond this nobody else who knows me does. I realised around 22 years of age. Thank you for the compliments, I don’t disagree!

  23. Lisa says:

    Congrats HG, thank you for your writings and you have so much patience answering all my crazy questions . I just hope this can become more wide spread some how and much more accessible to people prior to being victims . Thank you and I will be continuing to read and message you daily πŸ˜€

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Lisa. Yes, I agree, this knowledge does need to be widely disseminated. I of course do what I can but it also needs people lie you to spread the word, notify groups, organisations and people who could further make us of this information and spread it even further. I am perfectly content to answer all of your questions and those of everybody else. I have rather a lot to get through at the moment, but I shall do so, so if your post hasn’t yet appeared readers do not despair, it is in moderation and I shall be dealing with it in the course of tomorrow (I have set aside some time to catch up after a busy weekend). Thank you for reading and I am pleased to see that you will continue to do so.

  24. Poetic_Me says:

    A license to love, insurance to hold
    Melts all your memories and change into gold
    His eyes are like angels but his heart is cold …..

    Brilliant, Alexis. narcissists= smooth operators. I so love Sade. For clarification, HG the singer, not the Marquis. The de, is ever so important. Mind you, Gothic literature is my favorite.

  25. seanstoirm says:

    Congratulations HG! I noticed a sudden increase in comments but didn’t realise it was 1 million hits! Fantastic – and your recognition is very well earned. πŸ˜€ xx

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SS, that is most kind.

  26. traveler1965 says:

    It’s been a real eye opener, heart breaker and healer all at the same time. I love the pictures that you throw in. They are so well matched with the article. Makes it stick in my mind that much more. Great job! Write on.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  27. Coast to coast LA to Chicago western male

    Across the North and south to Key Largo: love for sale

    No need to ask…………………..

  28. Christine says:

    Well done HG – your work is invaluable – thankyou πŸ˜ƒ

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Christine

  29. It dawned on me the other night….
    You have mentioned before how targeting a married woman is more satisfing, not only in the success of her alliance but also for successfully stealing her from another man.
    YOU have managed to SUCCESSFULLY draw in one million, willing women who eagerly follow your every word, and you have stolen them from your greatest adversary, your fellow Narcs.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello SVB, I wish it was one million willing women, but those are hits caused by views of the blog which of course many people do repeatedly but I am working my way to having a million people having interacted with me, because believe me, they and many more need to. My fellow narcs are not my greatest adversary by the way but I do revel in weaponising the empath to tackle those of my kind as it fits with my perverse sense of humour.

  30. Yes bathe in your awesomeness!
    I will bathe in mine! Thank you HG for your kind post. Congratulations and where’s my book? Lol

    1. Colleen says:

      Congratulations HG & well deserved!

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you Colleen.

  31. Andria Baxter says:

    That’s just brilliant your an absolute Star and like the other million I’m truly hooked x


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  32. Congrats!
    I agree.
    Your writing is important and it’s captivating. It gives me a lot of understanding of who I have been living with.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  33. 1jaded1 says:

    Yay…I look forward to reading much more. You are helping, and here’s to many millions more hits. I’ll keep reading that cereal box.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  34. Indy says:

    Congratulations HG!🍻

    thank you so much for helping me recognize and leave a toxic relationship and writing those wonderful books that many of us have used as escape manuals to do it. and thank you for providing a safe space for all of usI think to learn, laugh, and hopefully love again. I also know that all of us feel honored watching your progress in such a private process such as finding yourself and courageously facing the unknown. πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  35. nikitalondon says:

    What a beautiful post. Its YOUπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ.
    Thanks because this blog changed my life and I have only been learning since I clicked on that link one night reading about codependency, trying to discover more on that and if it was that which had given me so much grief in love life.. I clicked on your link and here the first blog posting I read.
    I had tears reading this posting of the million.
    Thanks for sharing ⭐️⭐️ And to the 2000000

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  36. Poetic_Me says:

    Congratulations on reaching this monumentous milestone in your blog, Master Tudor. May the words continue to flow. As the champagne did, in an explosion of power, insight and continued securement of your Legacy.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  37. Fool me 1 time says:

    Congratulations HG!!! πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’• you are amazing!! Here’s to you my FRIEND!! 🍻 Heading to 2 million!!! 😘 Xxx

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  38. Maddie says:

    Massive Congratulations G..well deserved! Ps.half of the hits probably was me lol

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ha ha, thank you.

  39. cass says:

    congratulations 🎊
    This work is important in a number of ways. It should reach more eyes ”
    I couldn’t agree with this more.
    Thank you for helping to alleviate my pain and for furthering my understanding of someone I cared deeply for.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Cass and you are welcome.

    2. cat1520 says:

      I can only add that you have been enormously generous with information and your time. And very gracious.
      I personally find your insights and those of your readership have been a big help. Cheers!

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you Cat.

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