10 Tall Tales
The tall tale comes naturally to our kind. It is a necessary device to preserve the image that we want the world to see. It is a consequence of our belief in our brilliance, attractiveness and omnipotence. Social conditioning means that people rarely challenge deviations from the truth, these white lies oil our interaction with one another and often prove entertaining. To us however the tall tale is a necessary device. Each has three constituent parts; the lie, the truth we deny and the reason why.
1. I could have been a model you know.
I am not ugly, far from it, I am possessed of good looks but I maintain that I am stunning, my beauty is such it would launch a thousand ships a la Helen of Troy. I did a little modelling when I was younger, well, if you call parading up and down in front of the mirror in my bedroom modelling. I am attractive but I see myself as transcending that and being jaw-droppingly handsome, eye-widening beautiful and of considerable arousing allure. By maintaining that I could have been a model I reinforce my attractiveness and send some wow factor in your direction to seduce you. All the while I tell myself this to avoid staring at the aging face that is slowly succumbing to age in the bathroom mirror each day and hearing its mocking hisses.
2. I am a head of department and almost on the board.
I am a cookie-cutter who will never rise above satisfactory and this fact pains me considerably but I should be head of the department here, but it is those idiots in charge who fail to recognise my talents and brilliance. They have it in for me you see, they are scared I will get rid of them because I am better than them, so they respond they only way they can, by denying me my rightful promotions. I may not be head of department but I should be and therefore to my mind it is entirely acceptable to tell you that I am, after all, you are not going to be impressed by my cookie cutting skills are you?
3. I have several published papers.
I am an intellectual genius, a behemoth of the scientific community, polymath and leading light and I know that since you are of an academic bent that you will be impressed by my association with prestigious researchers and scientists. I read about them but I don’t know them, but that is not going to stop me in my vainglorious attempt to amaze and delight you. I did once have an article published in a niche journal some time ago but I refer to it as something that drew its own editorial in a major scientific publication. If only more people would listen to me then they would start to understand just how talented I really am.
4. I am a close personal friend of….
Athlete, writer, playwright or film star. Take your pick. I will know at least one and shall regale you with invented tales of lunch dates, childhood connections and telephone calls to congratulate him or her on the latest Oscar success. I know your eyes light up at the mention of his or her name. I know that you think that I must be something special to know someone special and I know you will hang around all the while longer just in case I manage to broker a meeting for you with someone I happened to see attending a film premiere. On television.
5. I love family occasions, I am a brilliant host.
All back to mine is one of my favourite refrains. I always want the family over for dinner, for a BBQ, to celebrate the good times. I want you thinking that I am mein host, the bon viveur and possessed of a certain joie de vivre. The only time I will countenance such attendance is when I know everyone will be looking at me. Every other occasion I hijack in order to make it all about me, so much so that my treacherous, lying and seditious family rarely invite me to anything these days. I don’t want you knowing that yet of course, I want you to believe I am the life and soul of the party and I am a genuine, family man. That is far more attractive than the twisted person who is ostracised by his family that I have become.
6. I enjoy a drink, just to be sociable.
Who doesn’t enjoy a drink? If someone doesn’t drink, I am suspicious of them. Everyone likes to drink, it oils the wheels of social interaction, makes a good time great and reduces inhibitions. I know plenty about wine and will happily impress you with the extent of my knowledge as I walk the attractive line that shows me to be a chap who enjoys a good time without going over board. It is all in moderation of course. Nobody likes an old soak, a drunkard, a lush, a foul and abusive tyrant who uses the demon drink as a crutch to keep the demons at bay when you cruel and savage traitors deny me my rightful fuel. If I say I enjoy a drink and I don’t have a problem, then I don’t have a problem do I? Now fetch me another beer and get off my back.
7. I only have your best interests at heart.
I care about you so much that I would do anything for you and it is all predicated on my concern for your well-being. You lap that up and so does everyone else who falls for my façade of caring and compassionate partner. How lucky you are to have someone so caring. It is the panacea to rationalise everything that I do, no matter how cruel, how base or how harsh. By telling you, the world and most of all myself that what I do is well-intentioned and only in your best interests then that makes it entirely acceptable, noble even. Doesn’t it?
8. I am going to show you what great sex really is.
It is usually stated in a more graphic and profane way to allow you to pretend to be shocked by my visceral and animalistic lust for you, when really you are thrilled to be taken in this manner, for it accords with the conditioning of our roles doesn’t it? The promise of sexual nirvana is a powerful attraction indeed and one few resist. Yet if I happen to provide you with a thrilling sexual encounter which leaves you panting and clamouring for more, I did not do it to show you, I did it to show myself how fantastic I am between the sheets. Then again, there are those of our kind who really have no interest in delivering but the maintenance of the myth, through easily spoken words, is a requirement to ensure you remain drawn to us. They will talk you into bed and then strangely fall silent, until the blaming excuses for non-performance come your way.
9. I have one like that, only….
The back-handed compliment which is purely a device to create an opening for us to boast and brag about how brilliant our car is, how loud our stereo system is, how large our house is, how expensive our clothes are and so forth. Got a forehead have you? Well, I have a fivehead. See, whatever you have I have bigger, better and more of. The truth is I do not, but I wish I have and in fact were it not for this cruel and tortuous world that I have been thrust into, I would have all these things. It is all their fault. It is all your fault. I do of course know all about those things which are bigger and better, even if I do not have them and that knowledge is sufficient pretence to impress you and draw you in, belittle someone else and steal their thunder whilst assuaging my rampaging sense of envy.
10. I don’t think I could love you any more than I do.
From the stable of outlandish declarations of love and it is designed to sweep you off your feet in the manner that society has conditioned you to expect. All I am doing is living up to that expectation and trotting out such seemingly wonderful and meaningful statements which are utterly empty. Except this is no tall tale. This is a rare nugget of truth that has fallen from my perfidious mouth. You of course regard it as a wonderful and delightful statement of my unprecedented love for you. What I am really telling you is the truth, I cannot love you any more that I do, because I do not love you.
34 thoughts on “10 Tall Tales”
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H G – My old narc hops from one manager job after another. Always use to say, I’m going to be the leading manager. Yet she doesn’t last but 2 years tops. Why would she job hop instead of sticking it out? Do narcs flip employment that quickly? Is it a primary source change or there employer found out when the mask slipped. Your thoughts?
Job hopping tends to be indicative of Lesser and Lower Mid Range behaviour and is usually because either the narcissist feels they are not progressing to the extent they should be (sense of entitlement) and it is the fault of someone else in the organisation so they will move (blame-shifting) or they have to move on (forced to through dismissal or resign before pushed) as a consequence of their behaviour which arises out of the ignition of fury caused through wounding.
#10 is so harsh HG.
Unrelated to specifics here, HG, do I have posts in moderation or perhaps some didn’t go through…I know you are super busy.
The moderation box is rather busy, I will be working my way through them.
HG you are wonderful like you are because being yourself is the most beautiful a human can offer. I can read it in your words and I could hear it in your laughter in the interview 😍😍😘
Yes, there is nothing better then being as you are and should be.
I knew it god damn if !! You are a cookie cutter after all !!
Watch it Alexis, I’m coming for you, important business card et al.
You’re taking your time HG……. I’m a very busy woman.
I know. I can see that from where I am watching you.
I imagine him as one of those speciality ones, perhaps a Christmas theme, the North Star. 😏 just kidding…..
Haha love that missy !!
Its supposed to be a joke??
I originally thought gingerbread man, as I used to like to bite their heads off first when eating them. I went with the actual reference…who doesn’t like cookies?
Exactly, cookie cutting is a very important role. Where would all be if the cookies weren’t cut ?
You’d better get on with it then.
Exactly, they would be unshaped blobs of cooked dough, cookie cutters make everything esthetically pleasing.
This article come at an opportune moment for me, as I had a phone call hoover today from my friendly neighbourhood narc. Hadn’t heard from him in nearly three months took me by surprise.
I’ve been researching bipolar disorder as he most certainly suffers with this too. Interesting that the outlandish and grandiose stories coincide with his mood escalating toward mania.
I found I was able to listen in a detached and analytical way and understanding he needed positive fuel I could give without detriment to myself.
His stories confirmed my suspicion that he is indeed a cerebral / victim of the mid range. His stories were largely about his superior intellect although there was a sexual element to the conversation too. But I know that element is more talk than action lol.
What I really felt was compassion for him that he felt the need to be someone else. Of course I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’ve seen through his facade and although I do still love him I’ve moved on.
Amazing that having learned so much from your work HG, I do not feel the need to go no contact or to try to get closure from him. I can just let it be.
This is wonderfully positive Centauride, to release all that and let it go and let it be as it works best for you.
HG, maybe one day you WILL realize that some people do accept you as you ARE, without the pretence, the illusion or the deceptions. Do you really need to fool, all of them, all of the time. Maybe only some of them, some of the time? The truth, your truth, does not hurt everyone.
CN would say to me. Before I knew what he was, sometimes it is kinder to lie. I disagree, it is more hurtful. When the other person knows they are being lied to.
For me, if I am not me, then there is no point. I am not me, to be liked by others, I am me to be who I am, to be real and genuine. To speak, my own truth.
YOU, can be YOU. One day, this revelation will come to fruition and freedom for you.
As always, wonderful article, HG.
I agree with you once again J in what you have written here!!
What exactly is the point if we are not our real self?? And yes…. this might sound like a bit of a bizarre thing for me, a Borderline, the biggest chameleon of all, to say!! But when i do change certain facets of myself each time someone jumps up onto the pedastal…. i actually truly believe i am still being 100% true to myself (And yes….. i realise this probably just makes me sound delusional!! Lol. Its not as easy to explain i guess as what iwould like otber than saying that yes…. each time i change, morph or place a new mask on…. i do believe that im being the most genuine CJ i can be!! Its not until that person falls from glory that those particular changes ive made tend to fall away quite quickly. However, in essance, iam always the same person underneath it all. I do have core values that never change…. they may slighty bend… but dont break and change!! Not sure if im painting a clear picture here lol… but i tried!!).
There are certain key core traits i have that never change no matter who comes along!!… and i believe that in one way, i actually attract certain types of people because of these core traits…. because they are so glaringly out there for all to see. I wont hide these parts of who i am. I shouldnt have to!! And if people dont like these parts……. then f*ck off, to put it bluntly!! Im not going to get out of bed every day and dress a certain way and act a certain way etc just because it will mean that jo blow down the road will like me……. who the hell is jo blow to me anyway??!!
We are the only ones who have to get up every day, look at ourself in the mirror, and be okay with what we see!!! If we cant live with ourself….. if we cant handle that person looking back at us everyday…. isnt that usually a good indicator to the fact that we are perhaps not living such an authentic life after all?? We are not living true to ourselves??
I agree with completely J…. i live for me (as much as i can given my disorder 😔), To live and speak my own truth!!
Im VERY glad indeed that you are like this too J…. its one of things that I truly value in communicating with you!! I know each time i read something that you have sent me, that its going to be 100% your truth and genuineness!! There will not be false words said with the intent to please. This is something that i actually wish more people would start doing!!!…. it would make our lives so much easier if people we just simply honest!!
Cheers J x
Thank you CJ, for your acknowledgement. I truly appreciate it and the fact that you are always your genuine self. Some people think it is easy to be yourself, but in a world where we are judged on every aspect of self, it is easier to be someone else. To pretend and appease the masses. By doing so we may make them happier and more comfortable. But, we do a huge disservice to ourselves.
Even when we may not know who we really are, it is still important to question, acknowledge that and find out. To know it is okay to be just ourself. To accept ourself, even when others make that difficult.
To be authentic. Is to be strong. To say this is me, I know I have faults, I know I am not perfect, But, this is me. Accept me or not. To be unapologeticly real.
Well done, CJ. To know this in and of yourself. Yes, CJ, it is my truth. It may come across in unusual ways, but it is never meant to harm and certainly never meant to placate. Truly, we all want to be accepted. We accept some much in others, but deny it in ourselves. Be proud, you don’t deny who or how you are. In doing so, that means you can positively effect another.
HG has created and provided a unique opportunity here for us all. To learn, to share and to accept of others and ourselves. It is the gateway to knowledge and healing. I am greatful to be here. Thank you, HG.
To quote One of my favourite writers, besides you HG.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde
Hi J,
I LOVE that quote!!! I truly do!! I have a feeling i have heard it before but it has never really sunk in until i read it just then!!
I agree… HG has create and provided us with a unique opportunity and i too and extreamely grateful to you HG for this!! I am extremely grateful to fond a place where yes…. i can drop all of the masks and just be me!!… me where no one else seems to care whatsoever and if anything…. some people are actually quite intetested in asking me questions about being a borderline to which i am very happy to answer!!! (And once more….. THANK YOU HG….. Truly, thank you for allowing me to speak to this fact and answer any question posed to me about it. I know this is your blog and you could happily deny this from happening if you wished too….. but you dont!! You allowme the chance to answer questions that i know i can in others endeavours to tryunderstyand their own situations…. thank you honestly HG for allowing me this privilege!!!).
And you are most welcome J. I would not have said it if i did not mean it!! Its something i do truly value in our communications!!! I know that yes, you will not simple say something in attempts to placate, appease, or just distract from how you truly feel about both your situation and mine too!! If there are things i dont enjoy reading as much as others, im actually 100% okay with it because i know its not coming froma place of malice or and negativity whatsoever!! I always know that when i read someting of yours, im going to get your truth…. you genuine self…. and nothing other!!
Ive spent my whole life surrounded by people who do not genuinelly care about me because they are just simply self-centred!! They never would tell me straight up truth without the layers of BS pilled on!! So yes… its left me very wary of what people tell me…. always guessing if it truth or lies!! But when i communicate with you, i dont have this worry!! And to be completely honest J…. you have started to restore a wee bit of faith in people for me!! This is a wonderful thing that you have done for me and i cannot thank you enough or show you my gratitude in away that i deem acceprable as being thanks enough for this wee step forward you have been a huge part of me taking!!!
Its really sad… but yes, you are right, it is nearly always, so much easier to be somwbody else….. to become a fake of ourself in the name of pleasing others…. to appease others!! We are, as you said, constantly being judges by others…. but hey… if thats all they have to talk about amongst themselves… then that is a pretty sad life that they are leading!!! And yes, to do this for others is but nothing other than a disservice to ourself!!!
I like what you have said about it still being important to question who we are even when we seem to have no idea who we are!! This is the position i find myself in now!! First time for me, off anti-anythings, going the process of having no one quite yet, firmly planted on the pedastal (yet one with great potential to slip on up there without me quite being able to prevent it…. another new experience without any “assistance” in mood regulation). Its all new to me in that way…. (which is the reason i believe as to the my moods are like being on a rollercoaster on acid!!). Its proving challengine but im not going back on em!! I wanna power thru and yes, slowly peel back ALL the layers to me until we find raw unfettered Courtney undearneath. This is extremely important to me and its not achievable i do think, with i take those sorts of meds!!! I want nothing more than to be authentic. Because yes, i agree whole heartedly that this makes us strong.
I am like you J…. as is everyone!! We all have faults!! But im not going to let those faults hold me back at all… and nor should you J!!! Your authentic nature is truly refreshing to me J… faults and ALL!!!
And yes…. again…. as a general, i too never mean harm!! I actually quite hate the idea of harming people i care about!! And when i inevitably do… i feel the such intense shame and guilt with myself for having done it!!
Again, yes J… too right… we do accept so very much in others… its crazy the sorts of this we will accept and let go when it coes to others…
But if we did it… we would beat ourselves like crazy!!
I will take your words J and i will do as you have said… start trying desperately to be proud of the person i am!!
I want to be able to one oneday, walk infront of the mirror and tuly be ok with what i see looking back at me!! And you J….. whether you realise it or not….. your helping grately to move towards this!! As i said, i cannot thank you enough!!! If i could…. what i would TRULY LOVE TO DO more than anything for you…. is actually send you a hand written letter that explains all this and more!!..as i believe that personally HANDWritten letters carry so very much more meaning with them!! And i think it woud be a wonderful to be able to express everything in a way that you coud keep close to know and reread any time you need to. But yes …. ill leave this gere and attenpt another reply!!! …. cheers my friend xx
– Court xx
Yes, CJ, drop your masks. The need to be what others expect you to be and just be CJ. Even if that is different from the. Day to day, it is still you. To embrace yourself. The is a huge point, unlike a narcisisist, your intention is not to cause harm, it is not premeditated for your own gain. When you feel that you have created harm, you feel remorse, guilt, shame and as a result you make amends and atonement. We all can intentionally or inadvertently cause harm to another. The differnce is when we acknowledge and recognize it has occurred and genuinely fix or change what that behaviour caused. To take responsibility and ownership of that behaviour and not blame another for it. You understand yourself and in doing so you accept to learn even more of who you are. Self learning is important and you nevr shirk that value, CJ. Be very proud. You do something most cannot do, you DO not attach stigma to yourself through your disorder….because no one is their illness , not are they their behaviours. Society and those who are unwilling to learn or understand, do such things. You are not BPD, HG is not NPD, I am not anxiety or depression…..these are parts of us. But they do not make us. Being willing to learn, accept and N deer stand ourselves and others. To try to SE the world though the eyes of others, is vital. Why I care. Ask questions, offer advice. Listen. Because, I want to and because you are important and valuable in who you are and what you say and do. Sometimes, we forget how significant our voices are to others. Thank you CJ, for reminding me. I often don’t think about that for myself, but I do see it in others, such as yourself. All I really do is listen and respond, you are the one who decides, rationalizes and makes the best chooses for yourself, I. Each and every moment. You honestly express yourself. Bare your soula nd most importantly always show your authentic is difficult , why many cannot do it. It opens us up for ridicule, shame, unacceptance and challenge. It is brave to be that way. Another reason to feel proud. HG, showing the world how he as Narcissist thinks and behaves allows others to learn and understand. It is only through opening up to others on who we truly are we can effect change for ourselves and others. For me to have a forum to express issues from childhood. Relationships, my thoughts, ask questions and have them answered and validated by others here. It a gift to me, one I gladly welcome and accept.
Your voice is important CJ, it always was and will be. Nevr forget that. Your voice has and will help others. Keep writing your thoughts and being an advocate for others who can reap and heal from experiences you have had, where’re relating to BPD, NPD relationship, life experiences and your own insights. A word of encouragement may often seem a small things, but to the person receiving it it can be the most important information they receive.
Thank you for all the things you said. And as do know you mean them genuinely.
I appreciate your thanks CJ, you are truly a joy. I hear you, as you hear me and others. It makes me happy to know you know I care and your a worth my time and any ones time. People who have entered and left our lives, did not understand this importance.
I do enjoy letters, people seem to get away form personal touches like that when everyone is electronic now. That is wonderful you still understand the value and sentiment of such gestures.
You will do much more good I this world, CJ. The faith and believe you are gaining In yourself, will propel you forward. It will be a new lease of life, anew and happier life, a free life.
I am happy to be your friend, you are very good, kind and genuine person.
I am rather overwhelmed by your generous words and kindness In the things you said about me. I find it hard to see myself that way, but believe me, your words brought tears to my eyes because I know you meant them and felt them.
Imagine CJ, if everyone could positively and genuinely effect the lives of others I this way….well they can, we all can make a positive differnence. We only need try. You exceed trying, you Do. Even HG. With his books and blog, effects positive change and when he listens and responds to others on the blog, he validates them. As we do, as others do. He may not do it for the reasons we do it. But, the end result is the same for him….others benefit and change and lives are positively effected. It all starts with someone listening and responding…..we all have this power inside us.
Happy Monday CJ xxx
Hi CJ, I wanted to say as I just saw, congratulations on stating your own blog. I have followed you. This is how your voice will again positively effect others…..yay, you. Much success.
He knows that ….;)
Maddie, when you say he, who are you referring to? Your Narcissistic partner or ex or HG? You are new to blog, but if you read the articles, HG admits his persona is a facade to reap his rewards from others. I am speaking more of HG in his real life, not the persona he presents In his blog.
Hope that helps your understanding. If you are here to inform yourself on Narcissism and to heal from a Narcissistic relationship, I wish you well on Your journey, I hope HG and his writings will help move you In a direction away from abuse. As he and so many readers have helped me.
HG,
what do you feel when you realize that the image you present is not the real you?
The image you used for this post struck a sad note in me. A Man stooped over with a bottle looking at his reflection as a king, champion, so forth….perhaps for personal reasons I felt sad and I’m projecting. Like when I looked at my false image (resume), I was deeply sad. Like my ex narcicist that nearly kills himself with every relapse in drink….sadly, it’s when I saw a broader range of his emotions, when drunk. Those feelings locked up in a cell, like an Edgar Allen Poe story…
Still I wonder what you feel when you see your false self and deeply realize it’s a false self.
I too very much appreciate the writing wit of yours in this piece as well as the others…nicely woven LIEs
In my instance I am fortunate because I have a lot of excellent traits already in terms of being the person I want to be. I am engaging, I am successful and I am charismatic. Yes I may throw in some embellishments here and there, the occasional exaggeration but owing to my driven nature and the inherent traits I have I have always been blessed with the raw material. What have I done is ensure that any weaknesses that might have once existed are kept locked away and not allowed to re-surface. In order to do this, I need to gather fuel and that is where I have developed. I use my natural successes and I have learned to enhance those to I gain fuel. That is why I love bomb, that is why I manipulate and tell lies. My construct is primarily to keep the creature at bay. I do not need it as greatly as some of my kind do in order to attract appliances. I of course seize every advantage and make the good even better, after all, why take any chances when it comes to ensuring the fuel is flowing.
I do not see a false self. I have had created and continue to create a better self.
Thank you for your kind comments about my writing.
HG, do you think ( hypothetically of course) if you didn’t have the mystic that you do going with the blog that you wouldn’t have as many readers? Let’s just say you were a regular guy, blue collar worker, very bright of course, that you perhaps lived in a 2 room flat, with not a lot of money but enough that you are comfortable, not drop dead gorgeous but good looking in your own right, that people wouldn’t continue to read your blog? If that is what you think you are dead wrong!! You are an amazing and talented writer! You have helped so many people understand something that even people with Ph.D. Can not do! You did it in away that we don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed, you didn’t make us feel crazy or foolish and everyone can afford it! You do know that not everyone can afford Drs. Or counselors even though there are places that you can go for help not everyone is comfortable talking about what has happened to them. But here as you continue reading and learning and see so many other people have gone through the same thing as you did, you start to relax and feel comfortable enough to make a comment. When you take the time to answer all of us as you do all the fear of commenting goes away and we start to slowly heal and feel like a person again!! You have my utmost respect sir! I could care less what you do, look like, or how much money you have!!! 😘
Thank you Fool Me for your most kind comments, they are appreciated. I do not need to concern myself with the scenario you put forward as that is not applicable to me. Moreover, although I talk about myself, I do not go into vast detail about for instance my income, my home, my investments, my work and such like because I do not need to do that here. Those are matters which assist me in my day to day interactions along with much else. Here, on the blog, it is about recounting my experiences, sharing my awareness, detailing the thoughts and behaviours of my kind and letting the writing do the talking.
HG, was there ever a time you were just yourself? Or do you not know who that person is anymore? If you have to go around pretending to be something your not so that people want to be your lover, friend, etc. then I would think they were not very good people to begin with! If they can not accept you for you, then I would not think they were worth my time and energy!! You see simply by being yourself you are already above them and a very special person! Xxx
This is me. I have always been like this as an adult.