This Time It Will Work

When you first come into my sights, when you appear between those crosshairs and I sense your empathic qualities, your adherence to the traits which make you so attractive to me, I am filled with optimism. I have spoken on many occasions about my need to extract fuel on a daily basis. This ritual necessitates the acquisition of someone who will be my primary source and then a whole host of secondary and tertiary sources who are drawn from friends, family, strangers, colleagues and so forth. It is a ceaseless task but one which I am built for, one I have been designed for and one which I will always apply myself to. I prefer to conserve my energies and that is why I live in hope that this time the person that I have targeted will be the one who will not let me down. On this occasion I have found the person who will be my primary source so that I never have to embark on the devaluation of this person because they have failed in their obligation to provide me with fuel. Many people may regard me as prejudicial person and it is true that I pre-judge people, but only ever do so on the basis of satisfactory evidence. I look for the necessary traits in how you interact with others, the things that you say and what you do. I watch carefully before I make my move. When I see the very things which I cherish and require for the purposes of gathering fuel, I experience an elation. There is excitement and anticipation. Mostly it is because of the fuel which I hope to gather from you, that delicious and golden fuel which super charges me, invigorates me and provides me with the power to sail through life charming and attracting. However, my excitement is not all based on the anticipation of tasting your fuel. No, a significant part of my anticipation is borne out of the fact that you might just be the one. You could be that person who does not let me down. You could be the one who finally provides me with such sweet fuel that I never have to go elsewhere for a primary supply. I cannot give up my supplementary sources as they are a reserve and a contingency for when I am not able to draw my main fuel from you as my primary source. This is not because I have cast you aside or because you have committed that treacherous act of escaping me and instigating no contact. Not at all. The reserve is required because owing to various factors I cannot be by your side every hour of day or in some form of contact with you to this extent. This means that much as I delight in your sweet, sweet fuel, I am forced to obtain it elsewhere and this is from those supplementary sources. It is you however that I still look to for the best fuel. You who I look to in order to provide me with the most fuel and to do so with comforting regularity. I want this fuel from just one primary source. You seem to think that I revel in the abuse that I dole out when I devalue my primary source victim, but I do not. It may look that way, a side effect of the power that courses through me as I drink deep of that negative fuel but in truth I would much rather never have to go down that route. I would prefer that you continue to pump out that positive fuel to such an extent that it always remains satisfactory for me. I want you to be the one that is always there, reliable, dependable and magnificent in the production of your fuel. You would benefit too. There would be no awful abuse as devaluation takes place. There would be no mystifying discard (mystifying to you at least – it makes perfect sense to me) and then I would not even have to go to the trouble of applying various types of hoover in order to bring you back to me. Imagine avoiding all of that and remaining in the glorious golden period of seduction the whole time? I know how much you love that. I have seen it in your eyes, I have seen you speak of it and of course I have seen how hard you have fought at times to recover it. You adore and worship the golden period and you can have that. You can have that all the time. All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? You once did it. You provided it brilliantly but then you let me down by not providing the quality I was used to. You diminished the frequency and became unreliable, thus hurting me and that could not be countenanced. You had to be hurt in return. There was no hope for any other way. Imagine being able to avoid bringing all that horror on yourself as you keep doing what is necessary. You keep giving me my fuel at the prescribed level and in return you get to stay in the golden period forever. This is what I hope for too and you think that I am selfish. Not at all. We both win. You have the golden period and I have the golden fuel. This is what I hope for each time a new target presents itself and I begin my work to consider moving to the seduction of this target. I am filled with hope, I am filled with optimism that this time, just for once, you will keep on doing what I need and you will not let me down. No matter how many times this has happened in the past. No matter how many times I have been betrayed and hurt by the treasonable conduct of those who said, so many times, that they loved me and they always would, I have always continued to believe in the power and capacity that the next target may just be the one. I am not a bad person for believing in that way am I? I just want to find the right one for me. Just like you do.

You want to find the person that you will love for the rest of your life, I want to find the person whose fuel I will love for the rest of my life. Surely you can understand and appreciate that? Surely you must accept that such a notion is noble? Surely you understand why I always think that you might be the one. This time.

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97 thoughts on “This Time It Will Work”

  1. This words are nice..the ideal if finding and looking truelove.. But to know that nobody can provide fuel in a way that that it perpetuates the feeling in the other person of full of fuel..is sad 😓

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  2. How sad they will never allow them selves to find THE ONE!! Just like a child there new toy becomes boring! They want a shiny new one!!

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  3. HG , I’m presuming that you know this post is not true ? I’m presuming that you write this only as a tongue in cheek post because you know due to your disorder that it is not possible for your kind to experience the one ? None of your kind would know the one if shelf he fell from the sky on top of you . As you have educated us all , we know your kind are like junkies always seeking the next fix. Just like a junkie that same old fix doesn’t get the high anymore , so it does not work anymore , they almost become immune to that drug as the body is so used to it . I’m sure most alcoholics started being satisfied with 5 drinks before it reached 5 bottles . HG I’m also sure that you will respond to this telling me very simply . Yes the one is out there !!
    Denial Denial Denial !!!!!
    I’m also curious why make N’s are so fixated on the one when they actually don’t even like women ?

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    1. Yes, the one it out there.
      Do I win a prize?

      Remember, it is the fixation on the fuel and this comes from an appliance, not a person, from our perspective, it is not a case of liking or not liking the person,man or woman, it is the fuel.

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      1. Will you please write something on your perspective on people as objects and not as people. I would love to see examples of what it looks like (behaviorally) as well as from your eyes what it IS like. Pretty please? I work with a population of individuals that also see people in a more object manner (different diagnosis) and curious if the view point is similar.

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      2. OMG! It IS a person though.

        I’m really trying to not be crass, but let’s say you were dating a nymphomaniac. And said Nymph simply referred to anything about you as “The Dick”. Because all she really cares about is how your dick makes her feel between the sheets. Everything else about you is thought of in relation to that standard.
        “Hey, The Dick made an outstanding Osso Buck for me the other night”.
        “The Dick picked up my dry cleaning and got my car washed when I was home sick”.
        “The Dick just scored tickets for the Sting / Peter Gabriel concert tour.”
        You get the drift. However cultured, attentive, educated, thoughtful you are encompassing many deeds, doesn’t matter. The minute your Dick falls subpar or maybe needs a little help with a blue pill, all that flies out the window.
        How would that make you feel?

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      3. Oh, so you wouldn’t be fond of someone not recognizing the whole package that is H.G. Exactly my point. I win that argument.

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      4. I was unaware we were arguing. It is irrelevant because that person would not be engaged with on any appreciable level so the fact they may no recognise the whole package that is me has no effect. I target the ones that will and there are plenty of them available.

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      5. I was playfully debating with you, but you knew that.
        The person would not be targeted then because that would be a very unpleasant experience, just like someone being turned on and off with an invisible switch for just their fuel distribution. To which you preach no contact, so one does not endure that.

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      6. Hi Clarece, you make me laugh how you debate with HG . I think he likes your debates in fact I would go as far as to say your one of his favourites 😜 Although I’m sure this would upset B&T very much 😀 (Just joking) . I wonder HG have you ever had a relationship with a female narc and would you recognise it immediately if she was one ? Particularly as the golden period would be going both ways ?

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      7. Thank you! I appreciate that! I’m always hoping HG doesn’t think of me as annoying rash he’d like to get rid of! (Lol, jk)

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      8. Haha Clarece! I agree with Lily. I think he really appreciates your debates as we all do!!!!!

        Now, as far as rash goes, I think I’ve become An annoying itch….add a letter or two there….haha. I own it! And, a big nod of respect to HG, I will not forget my lessons I got from you, ever! I really love the brutal honesty, even if it can be infuriating for me to read some of your techniques and see them in play in writing, I still respect your willingness to engage.

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      9. Wait, wut? Sex talk? I thought I was giving the ladies above a compliment for their nice messages to me. Lol

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      10. The whole package refers to everything encompassing our dear H.G., with his brilliant mind, and clever wit…the whole enchilada. In the example, said person just cares about one thing, the action below the belt, and is completely dismissive of all of H.G ‘s great qualities he brings to the table (relationship). Of course, then someone will grow bored and restless focused on just one thing, while being hurtful to the other person offering up mind, heart and soul and it doesn’t count for anything.

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      11. Ok now I get it. Yes for sure if you just focus on the sex, then its bound to fail. There are 3 parts in love and not one can miss. Have a nice weekend MLA. Thanks for explaining.

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      12. Same as just focusing on fuel, it will fail. I replaced fuel with sex.
        You have a nice weekend too!

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      13. I think i might see a potential strategy here.. Also, what is Osso Buck? I’m guessing not a fancy sex maneuver though by context that’s what I thought at first.

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      14. Hi Lilly! Osso Buco is veal shanks braised with vegetables, white wine and broth.
        What I was pointing out to HG, is if someone viewed him as only a source for one type of pleasure (basically a sex appliance), any other notable and worthy act /deed he brings to the relationship is underappreciated because the focus is always about the sex. As with him, it’s only about fuel.

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      15. Hi mlaclarece, thanks for explaining it. Sounds tasty! In regards to the other part of your comment, I understood that to be what you meant. After reading the comment about a person like that not being a target, my thought was that, if (if!) the circumstances were right, adopting a one track mind in that way could make the person lose interest. Or could terribly backfire. Would depend on the situation and the N, i think.

        In my situation, having a one track mind could be somewhat believable, it’s not too much of a stretch. And if no contact fails, my guess is that acting like that’s all i cared about or would be interested in from him would just be annoying and tiresome to him more than anything. He’s too cerebral and would deny me rather than act on it. I’m pretty sure. Any time I’ve annoyed him his reaction has always been to withdraw and keep turning off his tap little by little.

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      16. Thank you Lilly! I really enjoy reading your comments and stories too! I’m so glad you found H.G’s blog!

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      17. Thanks, I’m seeing more and more though, that anything I could share pales in comparison to what others have gone through. I think I’ve actually been pretty fortunate.

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      18. HG , I think I didn’t really write that correctly . I didn’t mean you or they don’t like that particular man or woman . I’m speaking purely about male narcs now. They don’t actually like women deep down . They have hatred towards women . I’ve read this a lot . They may have a dreamy idea of the perfect woman but they don’t really like them . They are unable to give and take and consider that person . I think deep down they fear women . Would you agree ? Also this particular post has upset me more than any of your posts . Including some of the really awful ones that disclose some bad things . This upsets me because there was no big golden period for me I just genuinely cared for him and was willing to accept aspects of his character or personality . Not because he was sweeping me off my feet in a fairy tale fashion just as 2 normal people that had potential . But he would never give it a chance . Even if things were going well he would sabotage and pick arguements . He believes someone is out there , they all do . But maybe he will find someone that suits his needs . But I doubt it and he’s now 49 . I’ve mentioned this before could you answer . When we are fitting around everything and walking on eggshells and trying to keep you happy and show our love ? If that’s what you want why do you reject it ? It bores you ? Only the hunt and the next fix keeps the adrenaline going ? I’ve also noticed that all narcs want to write about the hypocrisy of the world and how Prince Charming doesn’t exist and we are the ones living in cloud cuckoo land . I’m a realist I don’t see every couple as the perfect marriage or relationship . But there are people out there who are very happy even with the ups and downs and this is something that narcs like to deny to themselves . My narc used to refer to couples as The man was being ruled !! I just thought this was chauvinistic , I now that must run a lot deeper . He told me once he had always rebelled against his girlfriends in some way . Mine is searching for the one , I was the one for 5 minutes but it did last long because I guess I was criticising him but his behaviour was so inconsistent . Why can they never see it’s them ? Especially you HG with all your insight ? It’s just so strange how you still remain in some kind of denial and yet are so open .

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      19. There are those who are incapable of seeing it is them because they have no insight or awareness. I have but it does not serve MY greater good to admit these things. I still recognise the inherent and important value in operating the way that I do. Your “wrong” is different from my “wrong”. During WW2, Britain cracked German code. This meant Britain knew that Germany was about to bomb Coventry heavily. If Churchill ordered an evacuation of Coventry, the Germans would know the code had been cracked and no longer use it. Churchill had to prevent any evacuation with the risk of lost lives from the bombing in order to go on to use this breakthrough to win the war. Allowing people to die when there was the chance to avoid it would be regarded as wrong, but there was a greater good, the winning of the war at stake. I know the things that I do are wrong, but I am not created to care about that and moreover I am created to ensure my needs are ranked above anything else. I have sufficient perception to know you regard my behaviours as wrong, but to me they are necessary and therefore right. Nor do I have the self-regulating concerns of guilt, remorse etc. External influences which might cause me to think again – blame and sanctions from other parties does not work because I never accept I am to blame (unless it serves a greater good for me).

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      1. Thank you, HG! I am looking forward to it. I think it is vital for people to fully understand what that aspect of your make up looks like as it will also explain the reduced/lack of deep empathy (which is hypothesized to also be reduced in the group I work with, though without malign behavior)…

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  4. So daily life/living and all that entails happens – no way around that. This requires one’s attention to be directed elsewhere, (i.e. away from you)…. And the optimum level of fuel required from this person (or any other form of supply really), and how “sweet” it is on any given day is solely at the discretion (of course) of you and your mood that day….And as one cannot be at your side 24 hours a day, there will always be indiscretions with others on your part and you will always look for ways to draw positive/negative fuel from others (family, friends etc.) to supplement that absence….even during the so called Golden Period….so while you tell yourself “this time” – you are telling anybody that will listen that “that person”…..”the one”…only actually exists in your mind. Sure hope everybody is really listening. Brilliant! Good talk! Thanks HG.

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  5. As the ‘other’ object, the source of fuel, is necessarily your mirror, it is inevitable that you will become disappointed and disenchanted with the ‘quality’ of fuel. But it is not the other you become dissapointed with, it is your own reflection mirrored back which dissapoints.
    Because you are unacceptable to yourself, the other is unacceptable to you.

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      1. HG, yes at the beginning of the love bombing you do a lot of mirroring as you know. However, in the devaluation stage the supply becomes a receptacle for all your disowned parts that you can’t integrate or face, as in the mechanisms of projection or splitting. So yes, it’s true that we are not consciously trying to mirror you, although a degree of mirroring goes on in all relationships narcissistic or not. But during devaluation, all your split off parts will be projected into the supply. Therefore, what you are seeing is a mirror of the split off ‘nasty’ parts that you can’t own.
        I’m using ‘you’ in the plural not personally.

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  6. But, even if we kept providing you with fuel, and therefore stayed in your “better graces”, part of that deal is that you’d still get to cheat on us, and continue obtaining fuel from others at the same time, even if it’s considered adultery. Is this not so?

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    1. If you provided us with fuel at the required level we would have no need to go elsewhere. We obtain fuel from a primary source during the golden period and lots of other sources too during this period, but this does not contravene your social norms and moral outlook. During devaluation the needs alter. You face abusive behaviour which we regard as a means to an end. You from your standpoint regard it as wrong. We also draw fuel from other sources during your devaluation. Some of those e.g. friends, you do not deem morally wrong. If we draw it from an affair, we again regard it as a means to an end, you regard it as morally wrong. We operate to a different code to you. If you remained in our “better graces” we’d have no need to undertake the actions which you deem to be morally wrong.
      Take this example Tamara and I would welcome you observation.
      It is the devaluation. Leaving the direct treatment of you to one side, let us say I see a lot of my best friend. That gives me positive fuel. Do you have a problem with that? I also spend time with a female friend and gain fuel from that. Do you have a problem with that? I also conduct a physical affair with another lady. Do you have a problem with that? Where there is a problem, why do you see it as a problem?

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      1. HG what is providing the fuel at the correct level. Because we all know having dealt with our narcs the slightest thing sets them off and many of the things are not even a direct or real criticism . They read things into things that do not even exisist they are unnaturally sensitive and paranoid , no doubt another aspect of their disorder . You have written posts regarding the adoration that is required but in reality they are set off by the most minute things . Even a look or anything normal their paranoia goes into over drive. I find this quite interesting how a false self can be offended . If they are detached from real emotion , nothing should really bother them , and since they care nothing for us anyway . It’s all seems like a contradiction . A false self attached to no real emotions gets that upset over an appliance and yet the appliance is just an appliance . I would say they are much more sensitive to emotion than the average person and may apply only negative emotions outwardly . But to say they are unattached to positive emotions and do not attach to appliances . Why are they jealous regarding appliances . It’s like being furious your washing machine has broken down , so you replace it , it’s an inconvenience as you have to put effort into getting a new washing machine and you wanted to wash your clothes that day not have the gap of waiting for the new washing machine . However why would you be jealous regarding the washing machine ? Is there jealousy if your appliance was with someone new or dumped you for someone new . Would you say a lot of this behaviour (maybe devaluation is testing the appliances loyalty or love for you)

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      2. Hello Lisa, bear in mind that those things which “set us off” occur during devaluation when our mind set has altered towards you. With regard to your comment about us getting upset over an appliance, have you never been frustrated when your computer crashes or your car would not start? Have you been upset if a piece of treasured jewellery has been lost? You should also consider a blog article which will appear later today.
        You seem to suggest we have no real emotions, but we do. We feel rage, hatred, frustration, pride, jealousy, power and so forth. A lot of your questions will be answered by one of today’s blog articles, which saves my fingers !

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      3. Thank you so much for your reply! I just saw my comments. So, apparently, it is never a winning situation with a Narcissist if you will not allow cheating or adultery in a marriage… I could never allow that.

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  7. HG,
    Why not just have an open marriage? Would that be hard for you if all parties knew what you were and you get to switch things up? Or would your wife be considered a traitor for being with someone else? Is it okay for you but not her?

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    1. There must be an outward appearance for the purposes of the façade. There is also the need to exert control and isolate. An open marriage would not work if it is bilateral. Of course we regard it as such in a unilateral sense in our favour during devaluation.

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      1. Great question ABB.

        Sounds like a shallow life, fake. That would bore the bejeezus out of me. Do you really want that? I suspect that underneath your Satan costume, you are a romantic devil as you are looking for “the one” and do all this “love bombing”….With that said, that doesn’t mean I think you are not malign(eyes with both respect and caution), though I think you are deeper than you like to put on. To be as intelligent as you are, I find it hard to believe you would want a shallow façade. What for? Parties and society? Why not be YOU instead of the façade? Will the real slim shady please stand up?

        Hopping on the question a bit, HG, what about having a relationship where the wife knows the deal and digs it because she is into submission thing?

        Curiosity doesn’t kill this lioness. Not much does~

        Indy

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      2. I am me. I just ensure I am better than the real thing.

        If she goes long with it and provides appropriate fuel as part of the equation, then that is fine.

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      3. So True! It is not uncommon for the Target to agree to an open marriage, (my own experience and I know many others) only to find the rules change without a discussion, and things get a whole lot worse, for me this was the beginning of the end. Had I allowed him to be open and I had not participated myself, things would of just been fine. What my ex wanted was the free pass, but the control over my activities however I was to be left in the dark about his. I also was shamed for actually going through with any kind of physical actions after being encouraged to do so, this of course led to him partaking in things he knew that I had asked to be off limits, in turn I found my escape. I would be the whore and do the final act of betrayal and I knew he would take that as an opportunity to exploit my guilt and shame and con me back under his thumb and his rule, only this time instead of thanking him for forgiving me I said I can never forgive myself for what I have done to you, I don’t think I could ever live with myself, I don’t deserve you. It was true I was disgusted I had let things get out of hand, but he wasn’t going to have it any other way, he just thought it would put me in my place, and instead it shattered the facade finally (for me) and I had something tangible I could escape over. The best part was that I could feed his ego, “I don’t deserve you, you deserve better” He got to feed off the poor sweet husband and his wife left and he has no idea why, and then turn to me and say you gave up, I would of never gave up etc etc only he underestimated me now didn’t he? He always thought I would come crawling back……and I never did. This is why open ANYTHING with a Narc does not work….from open conversation to open honesty, to open marriage, they simply are incapable of healthy anything.

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    1. Hello McCoy, no. Nobody has achieved that. Those that had an inkling either wanted to help, wanted to stay away when they realised post discard or knew better than to take me on.

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      1. Totally can see someone that is really aware to have that gut feeling of, “oh dang, that HG is sooo tempting but he scares me for some reason I can’t put my finger on” and steps away and sighs at the temptation and relief of not being fully aware why.

        I had this feeling once in my life. Of course, he was no HG, though I suspect a possible greater and definitely sociopathic. Very attractive, great kisser/sexual, very smart and engaged in verbal gymnastics. He had the larger than life energy that was hypnotizing. Actor, writer, photographer. He took me to the best places for dates (3 dates and I stepped back as the hairs on the back of my neck were raised). He did 3 things that tipped me off: 1-somewhat rude to waitstaff to impress me, very entitled, 2- directed how I held my body while kissing and forcefully pressed me in a position he preferred in a controlling manner (no one does this to me again and it scared me), and got in my space without regard to this, 3- flash of rage in his face that was fleeting. I even joked with him that he was probably a serial killer….he went with this joke a little too eagerly and pressed to go to my place. Nope, nope and nope! I had a ton of random texts from him for a long time after I said no more dates. He was the only one ever in my life that I was well aware he was something dangerous early in dating ….

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    1. Hello McCoy, one person knew roughly what I am during the relationship. She did not turn the tables. Others have realised after the Formal Relationship – they have not turned the tables because they are incapable of doing so, do not wish to or are fearful of the repercussions if they did.

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  8. Thank you for your reply HG. Hmmm so with that being said, do you think you will always be emotionally unavailable? Or is there a 10% chance that a narc can meet someone that they are willing to change for?

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    1. You are welcome. I am not emotionally unavailable, I allow connectivity with the limited range of emotions that I have.
      Is there someone I would be willing to change for. Quite possibly yes.

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      1. HG there is something I would like to ask you, but first you must know the reason behind my question. I would greatly appreciate receiving your feedback and observations, but I would rather not go into it on a blog at this time with good reason. May I email you?

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  9. In this piece you write that you feel “elation” upon finding the traits you cherish most in a person with their fuel.
    Elation is pretty elevated bliss and happiness. Yet you say you never feel happiness. Is this just tied in with the infatuation / lust you feel when you’re in the seduction phase? There’s got to be a few who gave thrown you a curve ball and made you feel true joy in their presence. No?

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    1. My elation is the heightened sense of power that flows through on finding these traits. There have been many who have made me feel powerful but not joy.

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      1. Have you ever heard of the children’s story, “Tiddalik the Frog”? It is one of my daughter’s favorites from when she was little in kindergarten. The version she had, the eel and Tiddalik become best friends and inseparable once the eel teaches Tiddalik how to laugh.
        You need to find your eel.

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      2. Yes, check your email for the story.
        For this story –
        HG = Tiddalik the Frog
        Fuel = Water
        ? (Amanda) = Little Eel

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  10. What is the deciding factor that makes a Narcissist (at any level) choose to marry? Is it because they “found the one”, did the victim plead with them to marry, or did the Narc see that the only way they could truly capture they’re prey was by marrying them?

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    1. It is usually done to ensure the victim is bound to the narcissist tightly in order to hold on to them as an excellent primary source of fuel. It is probably the ultimate romantic gesture and is the type of move which would seal the deal in ensuring the empath falls for us. I did it for reasons of fuel and to present a picture of stability and normality to aid my career progression.

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  11. HG this is the one. This is the one I have been searching for. I have learned so much from you over the last few weeks, but still there was something missing. Something keeping me from making that full connection on what he is. Yes he does fit the discription of the greater of your kind, but he seems to be a different kind of his own that I can’t describe or it would take way too long to do so. You answered everything I can’t explain with perfect timing as always. I’m really at a loss for words. Thank you!

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  12. But you change the rules so how can one live up to the standard you see fit for your needs. There are no instructions that come in your pockets.
    One would have to be a mind reader to satisfy you as your primary source. It is impossible HG

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    1. Ahhhh, you’re referring to “The Dick” analogy to match HG’s appliance. Lol He’s not to partial to that.

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      1. Did I ask what you prefer? That doesn’t matter if I’m matching how you view your appliances.
        It shall remain “The Dick”.
        As in “Hey, The Dick brought me my favorite Krispy Kreme and coffee for breakfast. Guess I should send a thank you text with an emoji this time to make it extra special”.

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