Let’s Get Ready to Crumble


We don’t provide support. We are too concerned with ourselves and our daily hunt for the fuel that we need to be concerned about you. We are engrossed in our own world and have no interest in yours. The only time we pay attention to you is when you are providing us with fuel or you stop providing us with fuel. Everything we do is focussed around us. This is because we have to obtain fuel, as without we will disintegrate. The hunger for this fuel is never ending and accordingly all of our energy must be applied towards obtaining it. This leaves us with nothing left over for anyone else.

Being a caregiver yourself, you would like to think that the person who you share your life with, or who you work closely with, would be amenable to providing you with support. That may mean giving you emotional support when you are experiencing a difficult time or taking the strain allowing you to lessen the burden on yourself. You give and you are happy to do so, therefore why should they not do so as well? That is the outlook of someone normal operating by the norms and rules of your world. Those do not apply to us. We cannot provide you with support since we have nothing available to do so.

Added to that we do not know how to provide emotional support. Yes we can see how chores can be done and the like. We also have observed the ways that you provide emotional support to other people and we know the phrases that are used, the expressions that are formed on people’s faces and the gestures that are made. We have seen all that and we could trot all that out. In fact we have done in the past. We did this when we were seducing you. When we wanted you to divulge about your weaknesses and vulnerabilities this will have invariably saddened you and upset you. It may even have caused an episode where you need emotional support. We were happy to go through the motions then because we were at the stage of investing in your in order to get our fuel. We were content to make the right noises, give you a hug and make the panacea that is the cup of tea. All of this was learned from others. We did not feel anything for you. We could not put ourselves in your shoes (heaven forbid that would ever happen) and we could not empathise with what you were experiencing and nor can we ever do that. Yet again, we conned you into thinking that we are a caring and selfless person. We demonstrated such an approach when we were first together and that attracted you to us. This raised expectations that you could rely on us and turn to us when the need arose. It is all false.

Furthermore, when you need support and expect it from us, you are showing to us how you are weak. We despise weakness. You will find that our kind is rarely found near children, the infirm and ill and the elderly. This is because they are all weak and want support regularly. We do not want to be reminded of that fact. We cannot be bothered with you cluttering up our route to fuel. An exhibition of weakness infuriates us. A normal person would see someone in a position of weakness and deign to help and assist. We have seen how this is a natural reaction in normal people. It will not happen with us.

If you are fortunate, we will absent ourselves from the situation in an instant. We will generate some urgent reason; find a pressing engagement we had forgotten about in order to ensure we can get away from you and your ailment, woe or injury. You probably will never see us move as quick when it comes to getting away from somebody who needs help. If we are unable to exit the situation then we may just stand and look at you. You could be reaching out to us, eyes filled with tears of pain, asking for help and we will just give you a blank stare. We know we ought to be helping you, convention and observation has told us this, but we cannot do so. We are unable to leave but we are also unable to help you. This requires compassion and we do not have any. It requires us to us our energies to help you out and we are forbidden from doing so.

Our ultimate reaction where you need support from us is to go on the offensive. The uncomfortable feeling that you have generated inside of us makes us feel less powerful and smacks of inferiority. We know of only one way to banish such a sensation. We need to reassert our power and that means we must lash out at you. It becomes necessary to subject you to further insults and denigrating comments, at a time when you are feeling hurt and vulnerable.

“What are you crying for? I have had worse happen to me.”

“I am sick and tired of you being pathetic. Deal with it.”

“I bet (insert name of triangulated individual) would not make such a song and dance about it like you do.”

“It’s only a dog, you can get another one. Seriously, what a display over a dumb animal.”

“You are hysterical, you need to get help.”

“Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.”

“That’s right; make it about you on my special day.”

We will lash out at you with these words in order to make you feel worse and ourselves feel better because that is all we care about. We fooled you into thinking that we care about you. That is a fallacy. Do not expect us to support you.

Demonstrating our legendary hypocrisy we will expect you to always be there for us. When we have a need you must attend to it straight away, even if you are experiencing difficulties yourself. When we have a scratch we expect you to make it better even though you might be bleeding to death before us. As with so much of our behaviour we do not regard the way we act towards you as meaning you should behave the same way towards us. If you chopped us in half you would most likely find this stencilled through us like lettering on a stick of rock

“Do as I say, not do as I do.”

58 thoughts on “Let’s Get Ready to Crumble

  1. Maddie says:

    AUGUST 23, 2016 AT 5:17 PM
    That’s mean no as golden period always ends..

    HG Tudor
    AUGUST 23, 2016 AT 9:30 PM
    I am never mean Maddie, just misunderstood.

    Couldn’t post reply as there was no button lol but : I did not mean :mean that way. I meant: That’s mean no: no it wouldn’t satisfy You, it wouldn’t do for You for You long term etc. I WOULDN’T CALL YOU MEAN silly x

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Understood Maddie, thank you.

  2. RKinn1726 says:

    Thank you HG it was a short and to the point message. No plans to ever answer another message and finding me well I have made that almost impossible.

  3. RKinn1726 says:

    It was in a very short to the point message, yet he believes I have something of his, I was very clear he has no access to it. There is no loophole for him.
    Does this count as a wounding?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If it was to the point with no emotion attached to it, it will have been perceived as a criticism because you are denying him access (and he believes owing to his sense of entitlement that he has access all areas) thus he will be wounded.

  4. I enjoyed the title of this post and I am picturing the announcer during the boxing matches and it brings a smile to my face!

    Also because I know there aren`t many who could go nine rounds with you, HG!

  5. Rkinn1726 says:

    Telling him I never want to see him then, will that stop him from this again? Yes I do understand it was a mistake answering the message. I no longer want to ever speak to or see him and can ignore messages.
    He put me through hell even thou we never spoke always sending people thru messenger to tell me this or that, turning people against me so on and so forth.
    I do believe he watches still.
    Thank you HG, your insights are always spot on, at times send shivers down my spine from memories of my beautiful nightmare.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Rkinn, if you do tell him that, tell it to him in a message (not when physically proximate) keep it brief and without providing fuel. It will wound him. It will not keep him away forever but it will make him think twice about future hoovers.
      Thank you for your kind comment.

  6. Maddie says:

    What if showed support and obtained the hugest amount of positive fuel you could ever get , dear G.?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That would work for me during the golden period or a respite period during the devaluation.

      1. Maddie says:

        That’s mean no as golden period always ends..

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am never mean Maddie, just misunderstood.

  7. RKinn1726 says:

    I have many questions and not sure where to start.
    I do understand in your kind mind it’s never really over, but not sure if I understand correctly about these spheres.
    I disappeared completely yet to my knowledge he didn’t come looking for me and i didn’t enter any of these yet when I found out who was keeping tabs on me and running back to him I cut her off. He came looking for me, why? I suspect control, guess I just want confirmation,

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You entered the spheres through his lieutenant. He decided not to hoover because he wanted the flow of information (and he was getting fuel from this lady who he had recruited as a lieutenant). When you closed that conduit down there was no longer any reason to hold off from hovering you, hence he did.

      1. Christina says:

        OMG HG. When you say that you are just misunderstood……he says that to me after I get upset over things he has said or done. Wow…..at least you shed light on the his thinking. Thanks….

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes it is a manipulative device used for the purposes of deflection.

  8. Christina says:

    Thank you for answering some of my questions since I am still trying to come to terms with all of this. It’s still hard to fathom that he can still do what he does and say what he says just to hurt me…to provide him fuel. I seriously thought about suicide before…..because he had tapped into my old wounds and basically poured salt on them. I don’t have any parents….I let them go along time ago because of who they were. I have been so strong for so long. Without anyone….or any money….I have made myself who I am.

    I just don’t understand how he could take advantage of that.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He can take advantage because we do not care about other people. We treat people as appliances for our own purposes. We do not possess the ability to be compassionate, caring or show remorse (although we can fake it). That is why he took advantage in the way that he has.

  9. Christina says:

    Well, I don’t know about that. Although maybe I can understand some things? I am at a loss.

  10. Christina says:

    Hmmm…well, I am at a loss right now….I truly am done with trying….I thought I could be a friend to him because I honestly felt bad and knew what happened between us….but, I have always prided myself in being strong. So….I thought ok, so he may not get certain things….but, I can tell you that after I let him back in, the games started again on his side.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No you cannot be a friend to him because he will just keep pushing and pulling you to gain fuel from you. The games are always being played. They never stop.

      1. Christina says:

        Thanks for the insight. I appreciate it…..I am still a little hesitant about you though. I want to trust what you are saying, without directing me to your books on Amazon for sale. I want to think that although you sell those that you may actually realize what you are and that you can help others….

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I direct you to be the books because there is no other source like them which will give you the understanding and knowledge you need. It also saves me hurting my fingers repeating points here!

          Whether you trust me is entirely a matter for you. I do not need your trust because I do not know you and I operate my different rules in this arena.

          I know what I am. I also know what I write proves hugely helpful to others but that is not why I do it.

          If you want any testimonials feel free to ask the other contributors here for their views.

    2. Gem says:

      It’s a very hard truth to take on board but the narc truly does not care and does not have your best interests at heart. He may be able to act as though he does, or seem as though he does but it will not last long. People who truly care do not treat you in the manner that you have described: as in disrespectfully, deliberately going out of their way to hurt you.

      The games do not stop. It only stops when you walk away and close up every possible opening for hoovering.

      I understand that at the beginning, it’s so shocking and there’s disbelief and cognitive dissonance. Not being able to process or understand the experience. I think it’s a stage we all can go through, like, ‘why?’, ‘how?’.

      This man is playing with you.

  11. Christina says:

    Are you sure?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am not uncertain.

  12. Christina says:

    Hi HG….this is truly honestly the hardest thing I have ever done. I don’t even truly want to talk to you. Did you get my questions? I am asking based upon my recent relationship.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Christina, yes I have your question, it is in moderation and I shall be answering it shortly. Do talk to me, you will find it most rewarding.

      1. Libradomain says:

        Nice… I see what you did there!

  13. Christina says:

    BTW, in the past I have been angry with you too. I have been angry towards your kind. It’s hard when you feel like the person you loved has not realized what they could have had. That the walls that they put up and the games they play are just that. They are ways to keep people out. They will never be close to anyone. They will never feel the love and closeness, as scary as that is. I feel sorry for you and people like you.

    To know that you will walk this life alone…..to never allow anyone in….to grow older while your looks fade….to have nothing to offer emotionally. I can’t imagine. I feel like you and others like you will get what you need as you always do.

    I truly don’t understand how you can take someone who is a strong woman and bring them to the ground with the games. My ex wasn’t abusive physically……nor did he take me for all my money….maybe he would have if I had it. But I can tell you he took so much from me. My soul…my trust, my love….etc. I can’t ever think of anyone else in my life who has hurt me so much yet that I loved so much.

    All of my ex’s and I are on good terms….but, with him, no….there is no such thing. It’s the same ol’, same ol’ game he has always played. Sorry, but I am finally ready to get rid of the dead weight. I have tried in many ways to let him know I was thinking of him…..I have asked him to talk to me face to face, but he won’t do it.

    His ex’s are all crazy, alcoholic and abusive. Of course they are….they had to deal with him and his flirting and having a harem. Ugh…even though I am going to counseling, why am I asking you? What kind of insight could you give me that I already haven’t research ad nauseam! It truly is no use. I am not sure after researching what I have that you can give me any light.

    I can say this though, I am ok with you helping others who have gone through the pain that your kind causes. I am still curious as to your background and what your career is….if you can share.

  14. luckyotter says:

    I really love the photo. There’s just something about burned out, abandoned buildings. Maybe it’s the same thing I find so dastardly irresistable about narcissists…you think?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I see what you did there LO, naughty naughty.

      1. luckyotter says:


        1. HG Tudor says:

          I prefer to call it a Marathon.

          1. luckyotter says:

            I see what you did there!

  15. Gem says:


    Though I despaired at the narc’s inability to offer any emotional support and tried to get his love and attention etc..I thought I needed the narc.

    Now, interesting it turned out that the reality is I don’t need him for anything; financial, emotional, support, friendship, conversation. Nothing. Because he gave me nothing.
    He had some status in his job maybe, some outside accoutrements but in terms of the qualities of respect, recipricocity, depth, consistency, kindness, nurturing….he had none of these to offer. And I realise that it’s not personal at all. This is how the narc is developed.

    Beside, it’s boring to have a conversations with someone where it’s all about them all the time.

    In the end, it was the narc who really needed me and turned horrific when I instigated NC. But because I had realised that he gave me nothing anyway, it was easy for me to pull away.

    1. Alice says:

      Exactly! Thanks for this great insight which I sign to word for word:-)

  16. Christina says:

    I have a question for you….since I have been trying to break free of my ex…he contacted me again this past February…and said he missed me and still loved me. I fell for it again, but I didn’t see him in person, nor did I have any intimate relations with him. Then he started saying things about other women….like he met a redhead with beautiful eyes, which I got angry about since he hurt me with a redhead.

    Then he seemed to try and talk to me…like he cared. He said he didn’t want me to hurt anymore. He has told me that many times, yet he still says things that hurt.

    I’ve asked him to talk to me face to face rather than texting or emailing, yet he never does. It’s like I am dealing with someone who can’t talk face to face like a normal human being. Is that common? Do your kind prefer to use email and text rather than face to face? Why is that so hard.

    I am done….I dumped him….I kicked him out of my house even though he took me to court for $800 which I didn’t owe him to begin with since I paid more of the household expenses. Whatever…..I just don’t understand how he could contact me and tell me he still loves me and missed me, yet still hurt me by the things he says. He told me that he met someone online and she was a redhead with beautiful eyes….and although he said he wasn’t interested in her, he had hurt me with several redheads in the past.

    Then today I asked him about going camping as a friend because I do still like him as a friend in many ways, he said it was a possibility and then when I asked him the last time he had gone camping he said with me then right after that texted that he had only slept in a sleeping bag under the stars since then. I know for a fact that he wouldn’t do that on his own….he did that with someone else. Why did he have to tell me that? Why couldn’t just leave it at the last time he went camping? Does he think I am stupid? He never shared that with me….camping underneath the stars. Ugh….Why do they say these things?!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Christine, thank you for your message. There are a few things worth commenting on.

      he contacted me again this past February…and said he missed me and still loved me. I fell for it again, but I didn’t see him in person, nor did I have any intimate relations with him. Then he started saying things about other women….like he met a redhead with beautiful eyes, which I got angry about since he hurt me with a redhead. – This was a hoover. He didn’t miss you. He missed your fuel. He doesn’t still love you (not in the way you understand love) but he loves your fuel still. The comments about other women are provocations to upset you. He knows that this will upset you and he will gain Thought Fuel from you even though he is not physically next to you. If he told you this in a telephone call, he will gain more fuel from hearing the hurt or the anger in your voice.

      Then he seemed to try and talk to me…like he cared. He said he didn’t want me to hurt anymore. He has told me that many times, yet he still says things that hurt. – This is done to draw more fuel from you. You will respond positively to him seeming as if he cares. He does not care about you. He will say one thing and do another. There are two reasons for this. The first is to draw fuel from you. The second is that this will confuse you. We want you to be confused because then you will make poor decisions, you will not move forward and escape us and instead you will remain stuck, giving us fuel when we choose.

      I’ve asked him to talk to me face to face rather than texting or emailing, yet he never does. It’s like I am dealing with someone who can’t talk face to face like a normal human being. Is that common? Do your kind prefer to use email and text rather than face to face? Why is that so hard. – he can easily talk to you face to face. He is refusing to do so because you want to do it and he wants to remain in control over you so he refuses to do what you want. This refusal allows him to exert control. It also upsets you. This means he gets more fuel. We also like to use email and text because it is easy and economical. It is likely that he is having face to face interaction with somebody else and thus hoovers you through technology.

      …..I just don’t understand how he could contact me and tell me he still loves me and missed me, yet still hurt me by the things he says. He told me that he met someone online and she was a redhead with beautiful eyes….and although he said he wasn’t interested in her, he had hurt me with several redheads in the past. – Your lack of understanding is common and is deliberate. This is because you are looking at the situation from YOUR perspective, thus it makes no sense. Once you learn to look at it from OUR perspective, you will start to understand. Understanding is the key to getting yourself out of the emotional position you now are. By reading you will understand. By understanding you will make decisions based on logic and not emotion. He says one thing and does another for the reasons explained above. This is contradictory in YOUR world but in OURS it makes perfect sense because it provides us with what we want; control and fuel.

      Then today I asked him about going camping as a friend because I do still like him as a friend in many ways, he said it was a possibility and then when I asked him the last time he had gone camping he said with me then right after that texted that he had only slept in a sleeping bag under the stars since then. I know for a fact that he wouldn’t do that on his own….he did that with someone else. Why did he have to tell me that? Why couldn’t just leave it at the last time he went camping? Does he think I am stupid? He never shared that with me….camping underneath the stars. Ugh….Why do they say these things?! – yet more contradictory behaviour which is designed to confuse you,make you react in an emotional fashion and provide fuel. Does he think you are stupid? He doesn’t care if you are or not. He will do this whether you are an epsilon semi-moron or a astrophysicist. It is done to provoke you into giving fuel and to confuse you.

      I would recommend you read my books as this will allow you to make sense of something which makes absolutely no sense at the moment and also do ask questions here on the blog.

      1. Thank you…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

  17. Gem says:

    This is a very accurate portrait of the one sided nature of the narcissistic dynamic. This dynamic is set up from the beginning. I think the narcissist is remarkably adept at creating a network of these relationships around them to attend to their every need. Different people for different purposes. I guess in this way, the narc creates a kind of ‘safety net’, ensuring he/she is never unattended in any way. But it is absolutely never reciprocated.

    HG, it seems as though you are saying that the narc literally does not have the capacity or emotional skills/depth to give support. This capacity simply has not developed?

    I’m interested in neuroscience and how this connects to trauma. I believe that this part of the narcissist’s, (you can replace with BPD, schizophrenic etc), brain did not develop; the neural connections were not made. (I can’t recall right now the part of the brain).

    Also, a thought. ‘You’ would not literally disintegrate if you did not have ‘fuel’. You might experience fragmentation as your ego structure crumbled: the ‘monster’ would emerge from the depths. It would be scary, fearful, empty, maybe terrifying, but it would not kill you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Gem, yes that is right. Mid Range and Greater will have the capability to feign compassion and support during seduction, the Lesser struggles even with that. All three schools do not have the capacity to actually feel the need to provide support and therefore to do it.
      You make an interesting point. I had a discussion with Dr E on this point. He opined that he is of the opinion that this compassion element never developed in the first place with some of our kind. With others it was there but something happened to switch it off so it never got a chance to develop fully. A little like switching points on a railway line and then welding the points so the track only ever goes one way. He talked about how he think in my case this is what has happened to me and therefore we need to examine a way of removing the welding and shifting the points back. He regarded the former as a pathological cause for the lack of compassion and the latter a behavioural or environmental cause. I will probably write about why he thinks I am the latter rather than the former at a later stage.

      I understand your point in your final paragraph. Actual death would be preferable to such a hellish occurrence, to me such a disintegration would be akin to dying.

      1. Gem says:

        HG, I do understand that your experience of no fuel or low fuel would feel like death or dying. It would be a terrifying prospect. And I get that this is your reality. Or the N’s reality.

        With regards the emotional development. There is definitely some sort of arrested development that happens at a crucial childhood developmental
        stage, (I need to look it up), that leads to the adoption of narcissism, (also replace with other personality disorders), as a defence/coping mechanism. I’m of the opinion that first the neural pathways are not formed, much like the railway track you describe. It is shown, (I can’t cite academic studies right now), that trauma affects the development of the child’s brain.
        Then, with repeated habitual behavioural/thought processes, the pathway is formed for good or for bad. (To use crude terms).
        Repeated habits stimulate neurochemical reactions. This is in turn, reinforces the behaviour. I imagine this is the case of Pavlov’s dogs, and interestingly isn’t this what the narc does to his ‘object’ in the dynamic? Intermittent reinforcement as a form of conditioning?
        Whilst other parts of the brain such as the pre-frontal cortex are underdeveloped.
        This is obviously very simplistic.
        However, a note of ‘hope’ if you’d call it that; neuroplasticity. We can re-lay the ‘tracks’, create and reinforce new behaviours.
        How much this works with very deeply entrenched narcissistic defences, I’m not sure. (Haven’t read any studies). I know that narcissism is considered to be a rigid egoic structure because the wounding is so early in childhood. The defence is so huge.

      2. mlaclarece says:

        I definitely think you have potential to switch your tracks. I would think in the case of a true psychopath, that is where they were born with that facet completely missing. I think MatriNarc snuffed it out of you during the most precious year when trust is established between infancy and 5 years old.
        As far as doling out fake compassion during seduction, but shutting it down due to annoyance during devalue, you do realize that even we don’t always know the right words or actions for every type of situation. We just try though even if we don’t completely understand. Sometimes just being a comforting presence to someone is helpful. Some of the examples you gave above really are as emotionally abusive as the silent treatment.

  18. Jules says:

    Im confused. So if u can show that love and support in the beginning when u are in the idealization stage with ur target and although u just acting it out and pretending to be sympathetic why can u not continue to act it out when needed.? You say u just ” cannot”. ! U run a mile. But u know u can give it because u have before in the beginning stage. So is it no rather a case of ” u can but dont want to”? Which brings me to another question. Why not just carry on giving what u initially started giving then u can be assured that ur target will not fail u and start seeing through u. Im reading ur book at the moment called horns and halos where u state that ur fear is that we fail u, see through u and want to leave u. So if u just kept up the facade this wont happen. I don’t understand why u sabotage the relationship for negative fuel when u could just be the person u started off being and continually gain positive fuel from ur target forever.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Jules, you are correct. We can always feign it but during devaluation the annoyance we see at any attempt to seek support from us is so great that it overrides any pretend compassion we might generate.
      We don’t sabotage the relationship first, you do. You stop giving the potent fuel or as much fuel and this causes us to switch to devaluation to obtain a different type of fuel which will sustain us. If we could gain the right amount of and correct level of potency by way of positive fuel, we would do so.

      1. Christina says:

        Ummm….I have a question. You say that we stop giving you the fuel. The sad part is that with my ex, he never told me what he needed….he never told me what he wanted…..no one can read anyone’s mind. So how can you say that we can’t provide you that if you haven’t even let us know what you need?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Because we expect you to read our minds. We have a huge sense of entitled and you should be second-guessing what we want and if you do not then that means in OUR minds that you do not love us so that gives us the justification for being horrible to you.

          It wont make sense form YOUR perspective, but in NarcWorld it makes perfect sense to us. This is one of the hardest things for you to get your head around and it will take plenty of reading and time to do so.

      2. Jules says:

        Thank u. That clears that up for me. 1000 more to go lol. I remember many a time being given the silent treatment in the devaluation stage and for the life of me no matter how much i racked my brain could not figure out what id done wrong to be treated this way. Especially when the day before we may have had a glorious day tog and next day i was ignored,discarded. I would question why would he want to sabotage something that’s going so well yet u say its us that sabotaged it. Yet they never tell us what it is we did wrong. Thats because from ur books iv learnt that we are sopposed to already no. And it could be something as simple as saying ” u need a haircut”. But this is a set up for us to fail. This isnt fair.
        Thank u for all this info. Im like a sponge reading all ur books and blogs. I finally feel im healing because i just want answers. I no u are not him and wud preferably want him to answer to everything but thats never going to happen. So I really appreciate u stepping up and filling us all in. When i read ur stuff i feel like u are him.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome and that’s a good mind set to adopt.

  19. Steeviann says:


    It seems we are all messed up.
    I read the blogs and I just hope you have stopped being so awful and try not to destroy.

  20. Jessica says:

    This is a good article….however I feel that he is a mid level. He can be supportive as he stated that he didn’t want to see me struggle financially since I am leaving in the 8/27 so I am guessing just lies and manipulations that along with trianglelation. Still watching my back though

  21. rescuenomore says:

    I am also tired of being my own support system. I continue to experience zero emotional support from NM and enabling father. In fact, I have been told many times by EF over the years to ” not make a fuss (eg: express any response or emotion that results in or causes NM to bore him with what an inconsiderate git I am ) As EF tells me, “I just want a quiet life”. This equates to me being sacrificed to the NM devil.

    This total lack of support was evident after my year from hell recently, bullied from work, breakdown, with my greatest accomplishment being to have a shower and eat once a day. I made the error of trying to express my fears to NM, was just told not to be so stupid/silly/ridiculous. As HG perfectly conveys, it is of no great surprise that NM “falls to pieces” due to an error in the electricity bill and proceeds to distressingly relate every phone call/letter to the company for the next 3 months as if it were the “crisis from hell”.

    I continue to appreciate HG eloquent words as it explains why this occurs (eg: everything that happens to NM is a major crisis and I am just making a fuss about nothing) it still does not justify the behaviour.

    Of course, I know perfectly well if I had told NM not to be so stupid over such a minor incident, I would have been the worst most selfish inconsiderate son on earth, and the entire town would have been told that too.

    HG ability to explain and justify soul murdering behaviours that all of us on this forum have suffered is actually the best therapy I have had so far. I feel the key to healing is to listen to HG without Judgement ( challenging but worth while) and accept what HG says (even more challenging) without having to agree with tactics that are used.

    In other words, do what HG does and “Remove the emotion”.. This enables a better flow of thoughts and ultimately more AH moments without the hair pulling why ME scenarios that I have done more times than I can recall.

  22. Kerri says:

    No matter what they take from me they can’t take away my dignity 🙏

  23. centauride12 says:

    Reading this I realise this is the story of my life. I had never thought about my parents being narcissistic before but they were certainly emotionally unavailable and have never been supportive on an emotional level.

    I was talking about the subject recently with my middle sister and we concluded that our youngest sister rates high on the narcissistic spectrum but we can’t work out where our parents fall. They both seem to have similar narc traits.

    As I thought a narcissist would not get involved with someone with similar traits, I wondered if an empath could become like the narcissist over time?

    The post also reminded me of the lyrics of one of my favourite songs by George Benson…The Greatest Love of All. In particular the line

    “I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs. A lonely place to be. So I learned to depend on me”

    I’m tired of being my sole support but I’d rather that than rely on one of your kind it’s too heart breaking.

  24. Fool me 1 time says:

    But if you showed support and compassion, you know your primary source would think you even more wonderful and when she is feeling better would go out of her way to thank you! Wouldn’t that make up for the fuel you would loose in helping her? Even if you used a small amount you could make that up by messaging another while she is resting!

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