Understanding Word Salad


What is word salad?

Why do narcissists use it?

What does it sound like?

How do you deal with it?

This provides you with a comprehensive example of word salad and then detailed explanations about its use and how you may tackle it.

Toss the word salad here

58 thoughts on “Understanding Word Salad

  1. Gem says:

    Good strategies at end for dealing with word salad. I have to say that to dealt with the narc’s word salad in mediation very well using these same tactics.
    I said once at the beginning what I wanted. (My money back)
    Then I just let him talk.
    I didn’t interject, react, argue or respond.
    I also wrote down on a post-it note:
    ‘Do NOT defend
    do NOT explain
    Do NOT justify’

    I kept this close by. (It was phone mediation). In this way I conserved all my energy and didn’t expose or make myself vulnerable. I just let him think he was right. Annoying as that is, I achieved my objective.
    If I’d argued every contradiction, lie, insane comment, accusation, distortion that he presented, I’d have been there for a week.
    Far better to let him talk.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Useful approach there Gem.

  2. ally says:

    A remarkable insight!
    I have been surrounded by alot of mid rangers thought my life.
    You are absolutely on point.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Ally, I appreciate that.

  3. mrskmmccoy says:

    Duly noted! Thank you HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  4. Intrepid says:

    What is an example of word salad?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If you read the article “Perfect Sense”, Intrepid, you will see an example there.

  5. centauride12 says:

    This is an excellent article HG. It is clear and concise and an excellent tool for the empath to add to her Angel’s Arsenal. Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thankyou CR12. I like the idea of the Angel’s Arsenal, a companion piece to the Devil’s Toolkit, you have just given me an idea! BY way of reward I promise not to hoover you.

      1. centauride12 says:

        Ha ha, glad to be of inspiration HG. I’m not sure you’d keep your promise so I think a steak dinner would be in order.

  6. B says:

    Makes sense. Very helpful, thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a pleasure B.

  7. 1jaded1 says:

    Circular conversations. You said it better. Yes. Walk away. One of my favorite posts. The one’s where you deliver your wisdom with a caring tone…those are touching.

    You are also funny. Eat some steak instead. Yum. I’ll take mine medium rare with a side of mushrooms that were braised in merlot. How do you like your steak, HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Sanguine 1jaded.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        As long as it isn’t moving and it has no parasites, do the tartar. Have you seen the show called My Strange Addiction? One of the first episodes had a dude that ate raw red meat and drank the juice. He ended up getting parasites…it would be fairly ironic. I wonder if they would stay away from you…professional courtesy and all.

  8. Seeking Wisdom says:

    I have had word salad so many times. Once I realized what he was doing, I simply just hung up. By the way HG, I had a really good and tasty steak tonight. 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Marevllous. I hope it was sanguine. That is how I have mine.

  9. Fool me 1 time says:

    Walking away works for me every time! Especially when I could care less about what he is saying!! Plus it drives him crazy to be ignored and of no importance!!! Win win for me!!!! Thank you HG!!! Xxx

  10. alexis2015s says:

    Hahaha as always your timing is perfect HG !!

    Tonight I asked a favour of him (he’s still full on hoovering) so I knew he would do it. Well he didn’t immediately but said he would later. I told him I no longer wanted this favour in a flirty but joky way. Anywya later he did the favour I told him he was lucky I still let him do this favour as I don’t ever do second chances. He said to me, well I know that’s not true. Ha that really piased me off but I ignored it. Despite all my lnowlege I still felt annoyed and perplexed but obviously didn’t let that show. He has not used word salad on me for over two years so I had forgotten. He bloody knows j don’t do second chances, he never had one not did his best friend after coming on to me for months then outright asking me to ‘fuck him’ when his ‘subtleties’ had failed he deleted me from FB, j never added him back when he sent me a friend request a few weeks later. when his other leiutenant gave me the ST for the first time, I didn’t engage with him again.

    But on my way home I thought about it, made sense of it that he was purposely trying to confuse me.

    So then when I arrived home, reading your post was just perfect.

    Wow, if after all my learning I was still temporarily confused. What hope does someone with no knowledge have ??

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Precisely, now you know why we have so many victims and it keeps happening.

  11. c2gemineyes says:

    Perfect Sense written by whom? You? Is it on Amazon?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Written by me, it is on this blog.

  12. Victory2016 says:

    The last Hoover attempt by N2 I let a friend I was with read the text & all they could is “that person is insane, block them, change your number & possibly move.” Let a normal read it. They’ll help you. I like steak.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Steak is good.

  13. nikitalondon says:

    confusion, control, fuel… so very obvious now!! i ate
    thanks very much HG.. if I would have seen this sooo man years ago.. maybe I would look younger of all the energies I lost eating salad..

  14. Steeviann says:

    I love steak!
    I guess I learned about not engaging like this with someone who wants to put me in the salad spinner many years ago. It was when I didn’t want to play. I was, at one time, very talented for recalling conversations verbatim. I took pride in it actually. I used it as a weapon. Now I have too much in my brain to care. I would rather play. I like playing.

    Great articles. H.G. Thanks for reinforcing my tactics. But will you dispose of someone who will not engage in this game of salad spinner? ( tossing the salad is just WRONG to use. Look up Chris Rock Toss Salad Man on this topic) Use Salad spinner instead, have you seen one? Spins the greens to get some of the water off after you rinse the leaves.

    I see my son and his girlfriend engage in this word game.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Toss the salad is apt Steeviann (see my other answer to you) and salad spinner is too close to circular conversations which form part of the word salad.

      1. So I guess this means we all now have one more description title to add to those degrading weapon letters to their workplace you suggested once along side of chief cookie cutter, we now have as a choice “Head Salad Tosser”

        1. HG Tudor says:


  15. Hells yes! Do not negotiate with terrorists!

    I have made my point. I won’t continue to repeat myself. The silence he is receiving is well deserved. There is nothing left to argue about…nothing left worth fighting for. My silence says….GO AWAY….no word salad needed here. Less is more. 😉

  16. Beautifully written and executed HG. many thanks. Once again all the answers I and anyone else will ever need laid at our feet. I have done them all and then some in 32 years of dealing with my partner in total. Walking away and administering no contact only leaves me still with no way to divorce. He always finds a way out of allowing that to happen for me by not allowing it to go through. I bet he was good at dodge ball when young.He will keep this up for the rest of our lives I know this on top of everything else he does and doesn’t do, because of who this has all made him into now, and because of the endless result it is having on me that he can see and hear and wants. I am no better in a different way. (I am 51, he is 58 btw). I too as usual sabotage because of the particular needs I still have to do so for my own f’ed up reasons. I was not able to live any other way for so long and so now the confusion and hurt and agony that he and all this brings me and then I bring on myself, have combined as he has seen fit to its compounding. all this constant confusion and madness is worse than ever as per his plan. All along I wanted back in after I left. the lover the fixer and the the sadist in me that had stuck around though it all. yes sir. I was groomed from a young age to live no other way. I was not allowed to have true needs. well that’s not quite true. Have them, yes, but never expect to have them met, unless you can meet all them yourself and most of theirs too. ah , now that was the trick, the riddle, the hidden contract. Expect people that can never meet them, to meet them. who the hell in their right mind would pick that for their life, right?, nuff said. They convince us and others so well that they can and will meet our needs that when it doesn’t happen for us, it must be our fault. right. so naturally when their needs aren’t met either it’s naturally our fault too or who ever else they are willing to blame trying to get off the hook for the failure to perform big or small. So they won’t be found if measured, wanting. I didn’t see all of him coming as he was a midrange to greater and did not fit the whole lesser to midrange image of control and rage of my past I grew up with and I didn’t know I was secretly on a trajectory path with the cosmos to the real reason, which was in the end, to find out why. When the normal and loving me was purposefully repeatedly used over and over , I lost me in the process.and became an extension of my father and mother first, then him while in the process of trying to get away from them. I was in other words due to my past & desire to get out, vulnerable to the next, I was left after over 27 years of this ( now going on 32 including our seperation) with no identity of my own anymore. no sense of true self. I thought I knew who I was and why I did everything based on my past and how I knew I grew up already before I met him and then with him. I cast myself in a role too. Unfortunately it was one he was not able to play the straight man to. You see in the end I never wanted to leave, just stop the torture between us, but there was and is apparently no such thing. I know that now. Eventually some actually divorce you first, (the ultimate discard) or allow you to get granted a divorce, How the hell do I accomplish this then HG in the situation I am in? to this day, I still do not want it, a divorce, and you know all the reasons why. but I beg him for it and try to take the steps sometimes to see it to fruition as I see no other way to no longer see each other as each others chattel or fixers of life’s woes.The constant trying to get back in now though, is going on at the same time I am begging for him to let me go. I sabotage any moves now he may make to pretend he is cooperating with this though or with any new agreements he needs from me to go through the courts without a divorce now in order to keep authorities at bay for him. I do this to avoid the big discard and not allow him to be free of me either I guess. But what am I stopping if he wont allow it anyway. He loves good and bad publicity. doesn’t care what happens to either of us. Do not let this mess, this marathon dancing happen to you dear readers. take Hg’s advice take it to heart and also learn from the examples here before it is too late for you too. best wishes and much love sent to all. x’s

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Elaine.

  17. Oh dear….I`m afraid my mind went somewhere else when I read the title of this post.

    Absolutely brilliant, HG!!!! I love the way this one and Perfect Sense go hand in hand.

    Though I admit, Perfect Sense made Perfect Sense to me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you B&T.

  18. Christina says:

    🙂 Makes perfect sense!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I see what you did there!

  19. mlaclarece says:

    Brilliant and most helpful! I’ll take my steak rare, tasty indeed!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thankyou Clarece.

  20. Poetic_Me says:

    This is a good article, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  21. Maddie says:

    I love salads etc always have..not a vegan but won’t swallow meat…never have… sorry 🙂 and You are master definitely…

    1. mrskmmccoy says:

      Ohhhh Maddie.. I can’t wait to watch HG switch your comment around on you. . Lmaoooo.

  22. Poetic_Me says:

    Abuse….plain and simple. Sounds all too familiar, the behaviour, circular conversation and even the wording. The narcissist knows they are In the wrong so they deflect and project and place blame onto their partner.
    MCN wasn’t too smart on this count, I tricked into admitting about his Porn addiction. He tried to “fix” it by claiming the women only ever looked like me and I should take that as a compliment. Guess what happened next…..blame for not being complimented and silent treatment for being too knowing.

    1. Poetic_Me says:

      This reply was actually written on the perfect sense post, but it is applicable here as well. I always stand my ground when being verbally abused in this manner. He always feels he needs to have the definitive last word on Everything before he runs away. It is true you can’t win an argument with someone who only ever sees their own position. They are not worth the breath you expend to utter the words and frustrate yourself. It is a pathetic display of control by the Narcissist to use words to disorient and convolute conversation.

  23. Steeviann says:

    Excuse me, Not to make lite of this title but “toss the salad” has a whole other meaning in the US. And I had to chuckle just a moment.

    Now I will go read BOTH post and then get serious.

    Wonder why I have so much time to play on here? My cat of 15 years is transitioning and I spend time just sitting with him. I do have a life but his is coming to an end and I want to give him comfort until the day I have to call the doctor to help him leave me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      And that was the intention of using that title in order to capitalise on the innuendo and if you think it through, it defines you getting one over on the narcissist.

      What is your cat called?

    2. mrskmmccoy says:

      Lmaooooo hey Steevian I was thinking the very SAME THING. ha ha

  24. Lisa says:

    HG , this is a strange question and I don’t want you to confuse it with me asking if any girlfriend wasn’t fuel . I understand fuel is not love or caring etc etc . But has there ever been one person or maybe more than one , that you were still a narcissist to and you still did your usual stuff but maybe to a lesser degree . You could have gone further or been worse but you chose not to ?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Lisa says:

        HG , oh interesting !! Now you know my next questions are going to be why and who and what was different ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Why? Because I perceived a longer term advantage from taking this course of action.
          Who? A former girlfriend.
          What was different? The circumstances whereby I could see a larger advantage in exerting restraint.

      2. mlaclarece says:

        Expound on that please. Why did you hold back? Future Hoover potential?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I saw a longer term advantage from doing so. I have written about it in the Asylum of the Grotesque and you will be able to see and understand far more detail about what happened and why once that book is available.

          1. mlaclarece says:

            I see. I would think it depends too on the level of connectivity with the person which you can feel that. Like for instance, it is obvious you have disdain for It Girl (Lesley). I can’t see you spending a lot of energy pursuing her in any way unless she basically drops an opportunity right under your nose and then you’re just going to play your mind f**ckery.
            Now Karen, you consistently have written about her in a completely different tone. I don’t get the sense you would only interact with her in a malign way if given the opportunity.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            There is force in your observation Clarece.

          3. Lisa says:

            HG did you restrain from going to far with some victims because you didn’t want to burn your bridges completely with certain ones ?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            No, that is not a concern because I am confident enough that if the bridges have been burned they can readily be rebuilt.

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