Understanding Word Salad


What is word salad?

Why do narcissists use it?

What does it sound like?

How do you deal with it?

This provides you with a comprehensive example of word salad and then detailed explanations about its use and how you may tackle it.

Toss the word salad here

48 thoughts on “Understanding Word Salad

  1. Maria says:

    The highlight of almost any day we meet..

  2. twinkletoes says:

    He told everyone I abandoned him after that….I think he’s well aware I miss him .

  3. twinkletoes says:

    Well I did respond… I accepted the invite. I just made no contact after that (because I was expecting a follow up). Wouldn’t any narc have done so.

    Thank you for your insight HG. It stopped me making a fool of myself (again) 💋

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome TT.

      1. twinkletoes says:

        How is it still a criticism if I accepted the invite?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          That isn’t the criticism TT, it is the failure to follow up thereafter which is the criticism.

  4. Foxy Loxy says:

    Under thirty….bwahaha.

  5. WhiteRose says:

    I have had so many of these types of conversations, all ending up with me needing help.

    I have messaged you before, HG, and I still find it all so fascinating.

    I’m going through discard again due to my new founded, unwavering boundaries. He seems to like me as supply, but the tap has run dry.

    I guess the ‘you need help’ crap is all part of discrediting. I’m to the point now where he can discredit me all he likes. He has no friends, no family and nothing going for him anymore. His illness has put paid to that.
    I can’t wait to see how he’s going to up his game.

    Is there such a thing as narcissistic ‘episodes’, where it shows strongly and then dissipates for a while? This is what he seems to suffer from. It’s not all the time, hence why I’ve kept on trying and hoping.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Our behaviour is not episodic but rather constant. Of course like an oscillating wave there will be periods where the behaviour is more marked than on other occasions.

      1. WhiteRose says:

        I think there must be grey areas and he fits into them. He has horrendous episodes, dark periods and then ‘normality’ for a short while. He says he’s moving out anyway, so I guess this phase is over. He’s started on the custody battle already, for our young daughter.

        I spoke to you previously about his son, who I believed would be the bigger issue. Well it turns out that I wasn’t wrong. He’s become far worse in a year. He’s in short term therapy but he’s fooled the therapist already.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Fooling the therapist is common. The therapist is treated like any other appliance.

  6. amyshewolf says:

    Good Try! That would never work with me. I’d have your feet to the fire AND nailed to the cross because this conversation would NEVER stop being about porn, not for one minute.
    Narcs & Sociopaths would rather take care of themselves with an inanimate object, or some dark net deviant torture and rape porn than have a real connection with a human being; until they get to the devaluing, then what ever is the most horrifically degrading act with an actual partner would be FUEL. Obliterating boundaries and self worth is delectable F-U-E-L.
    Sorry people, looking at excessive amounts of hard core porn has been PROVEN to cause what is now called by the medical and psychiatric community as porn induced ED and DE “Delayed Ejaculation”. Not only do the circuits in the brain get fried by the fast moving anything goes visuals, man becomes so used to his own kung foo GRIP he literally can NOT get off unless he is doing himself, with his dopamine and brain chemistry at levels no human power can replicate.
    Unless you are into providing your abuser with a freak show, how romantic, not even hot, really disgusting. OH, but if he knows you find it disgusting guess what that is? FUEL!
    No narcissist has ever got me off task with that bait and switch ploy, as a matter a fact I get calmer, quieter and present more proof right up until the minute he is loosing his mind with rage. When he’s about to really combust…. I leave. Sometimes….. I hear things breaking and crashing after I’m already out the door.
    This article is an excellent example of how a narc gets away with pretty much everything. Also why HG’s books are so invaluable.
    What an education.

    Thank You HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Amy, an interesting contribution and something I have seen written about with regard to young men and extensive porn habits (leaving aside the issue of narcissism). On another note the proliferation of porn means that those of us under thirty are stunned to see excessive pubic hair. Who knew it grew to such volume in the 1970s?

  7. 1jaded1 says:

    This circle jerk…er…circular reference happened no more than three times. I told N2 that I refused to play that crap and would walk out of the room. My own cf was running around my head and that was plenty. Well written and difficult to read.

  8. Steeviann says:

    Actually, I would say, “hope you are learning something from the porn because you need a few lessons”.
    I don’t do battle anymore, not like this. In the end, when the N would try to engage in this type of mind games, I right away agreed with everything he said. He had nowhere to go with it. He would get worked up and say “stop agreeing with me!” Yep, my therapist was right he dropped me like a hot potato.
    I am beyond a mental masturbation argument. I also do this with anyone that is looking to argue, as if someone is looking for this, you will never win. Yep, you are right, I am an ass, I am the one who is in the wrong. Sorry, will you forgive me? Now can we move on to something else?
    I don’t need to be right to anyone but myself.
    Now if I am in the mood to fight, look the hell out! There will be a battle.

  9. nikitalondon says:

    again you become for me the best potential screenwriter for series or movies 😃☀️
    i could put myself in this movie or recall nightmarish times with N2
    those types of arguments are so life draining, so taking away peace and happiness…

  10. peaches36936 says:

    Exactly. This is such a perfect description of the mind wrecking gaslighting I endured for so long. Fast talking, repetitive lame arguments every single time that make your head spin (and worse, your memory start to fade at a young age if you’re around gaslighting long enough). Anything I said was automatically and without any thought, wrong and he held the counter view of everything no matter how ridiculous it was. I didn’t even live with him, see him, talk to him or get much child support from him but he convinced a couple of Judges that his view made sense. He should have joint custody. He should intrude in my life and control my finances, my happiness and marital status by acting psycho and driving people away from us all one way or another.
    The whole World needs to study your books HG…especially Judges. Thanks.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Peaches and you are correct.

  11. Snow White says:

    You are excellent at it! LOL.. No wonder we think we are crazy. I am now much more defensive with people when they try to tell me something that I know isn’t the truth. I left Starbucks in tears one night when I went up to the barista and kindly told her that my drink was wrong and she told me that’s what I ordered. I knew she was the one who was wrong and I had a break down because of it. It was stupid but it got to me. The constant confusion definitely takes its toll on your mind.

  12. Persephone says:

    Oh wait that’s me years ago copying Mom and Dad…I didn’t recognize her at first, she’s been gone for so long.

  13. Christina says:

    OMG! I truly was smiling when I was reading this only because this is so typical. Even recently when he contacted me again…..it’s so frustrating that I finally had to stop. Stop trying to get him to understand, because it always gets turned around or denied. Crazy making for sure! Thanks for the post because it made me realize that I am so glad I am not engaging in these crazy arguments with him any longer.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  14. ann94063 says:

    This is exactly the reason why I wrote down my argument/chastising in a letter to my narc. Less interruptions that way, and it was apparently very effective. My “criticism” went round and round in his head afterwards, igniting his fury, until he couldn’t stand it anymore and so decided to “punish” me by cutting me loose. Checkmate! The poor sap didn’t realize HE just got outplayed. Aaahhhhh…freedom!

  15. Steeviann says:

    You should watch porn together.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The couple that enjoys porn never has to yawn (save from lack of sleep from staying up and watching said porn)

      1. nikitalondon says:

        LOL agree

  16. Poetic_Me says:

    If the conversation ends in tears,frustration or anger from his supply the Narcissist feels victorious. Interesting wording, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I’m always interesting.

      1. Poetic_Me says:

        Indeed and then some. I concur.

  17. mlaclarece says:

    Ehhhhh, this is upsetting. It took me back for a moment to round and round convos I would have with JN, sitting dumbfounded after it was over.
    H.G., being that you feel so superior and sure of yourself, why not just address / dispute the porn addiction head on? I would think you’d pride yourself on diffusing the actual issue rather than this which is like a dog chasing his tail in endless circles.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      And deprive myself of all that fuel Clarce, not a chance.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        Seriously, with your high intellect? A good verbally charged debate should be very fuel induced and much more mentally stimulating.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          More emotion flows from causing the frustration and upset, the anger and the irritation. A rational debate is intellectually stimulating but emotionally deficient.

          1. mlaclarece says:

            But what if your passionately debating? At least you’re making coherent remarks that can be intelligently followed.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            The person I am debating with may debate with passion which provides some fuel indeed, but not like that of someone tearing their hair out as salad is flung all over them.

          3. mlaclarece says:

            Passionate debating could lead to hair pulling of a different, rather positive outcome rather than negative though, HG. That would be much better!!

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Fair point but remember I am as bald as a coot.

          5. mlaclarece says:

            Such a buzz kill!!

          6. mlaclarece says:

            Besides what happened to you resembling Daniel Craig?

  18. Maddie says:

    SALAD lol 🙂

  19. Persephone says:

    Mom, Dad….is that you?

  20. Gem says:

    Great depiction of a nonsense argument with a narc. So f’ing annoying. Best not to engage at all except on the most neutral terms if absolutely necessary.

    I take it this is a deny, deflect, blame tactic.

    Why is it so so hard to own up and admit if you’ve done something wrong? Surely it’d just be easier.

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. We miss out on fuel ; and
      2. An admission of wrongdoing means we are ceding control and superiority to you and that must not happen.

  21. twinkletoes says:

    I have maintained NC for over a year. I have periods of being ok, but every so often it hits me (and hard). The last time I tried reaching out was October; I sent a conciliatory email and got no response. It is taking every fiber of my being right now not to do so again. I tell myself he will only mock the attempt (and still I’ll receive no answer). I hate I still experience these regressive periods; i’m angry it still plagues me. I want resolution and it seems even a nasty response at this point might even help me move forward. Thoughts?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You have done well maintaining NC for a year. I recall my sister commenting after my father that the following year would be the hardest as it contains all those events (birthdays, holidays, Christmas, anniversaries etc) which ordinarily the now absent person would have some involvement in. It follows this is equally applicable to the demise of the Formal Relationship with our kind. Many people habitually looks backwards, “This time last year we had just started seeing one another”, “It has been six months since we last kissed” etc which is understandable albeit unhelpful as it reinforces the emotional impact and activates the mixture. You have no need to send him an e-mail and you know that he will not only mock the attempt but he will draw fuel from it. Yes it will still plague you, it can take many years to remove and rewrite the effects of what we do to you as I have written in Exorcism.
      Any response from him is unlikely to help you move forward as you are activating the mixture and allowing him to flood into your heart and soul. Celebrate your one year NC, write Ode to Tubby and post it here for my amusement but keep those defences intact.

      1. twinkletoes says:

        Why would my response be mocked (or a non response) while others get hoovered kindly? Did I miss my opportunity by not contacting him directly after the app invite? How was I supposed to know he wanted that? What would have happened if I had?

        I’m not going to reach out, just curious.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is the nature of him that would result in the mocking. He will regard your failure to respond to the app invite as criticising him and therefore this increases the chances of you being mocked. Not all others get benign hoovers. You have not missed the opportunity as it was not one that you ought to take. If you had responded he probably would have applied more benign hoovers in order to try to drag you back in.

  22. Fool me 1 time says:

    Wow! Been there done that!!

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