Prince Alarming

“Some day my prince will come.”

“I need a knight in shining armour to come and rescue me.”

“Where is my Prince Charming?”

These are familiar comments and they all arise as a consequence of the myth that has been created and perpetuated. It is well established that my kind and me create an illusion (read Power of Illusion on this blog for more) . Have you considered the fact that we are just giving you what you expect? We are saying what you want to hear, doing what you want to see and complying with a pre-conceived notion of how relationships ought to be? How has this idea been formulated? Who created the concept of the happy ever after? Was it the Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Andersen through the fairy tales that they wrote or were they just recording something which had existed orally for centuries before as they added a new gloss to the fairy tale? Maybe we should blame Hollywood for its depiction of how love conquers all and the hero saves the day by dashing to aid the stereotypical damsel in distress. The number of films in which that happens is numerous. Richard Gere appears in his limousine to woo Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, in Love Actually, Hugh Grant goes door to door in search of the tea lady Martine McCutcheon and in The Matrix Trilogy even the kick-ass feisty Trinity is masterfully caught by Neo to prevent her falling. In Rear Window,James Stewart rescues Grace Kelly, in the unusual Wild At Heart, Nicholas Cage (playing Nicholas Cage) comes to the assistance of Laura Dern at a metal gig and who can forget Shrek where an ogre goes hell for leather to beat Prince Charming of all people and gain the hand of Princess Fiona. I am sure you can think of many more examples. There are thousands of instances of this stylised concept of romance and love. Certain films dedicate the entirety of the production to it. Others have a different subject matter but still the concept remains. Luke Skywalker went to rescue the Princess trapped in the Death Star. Clint Eastwood helped the young lady in Pale Rider and she fell in love with him although he left her (was that a cowboy discard perhaps?) and even uber narcissist James Bond gives the Bond Girl her slice of heaven for a few screen minutes. Everywhere you look the idea of romance and the knight in shining armour is reinforced. Pop songs, advertisements (once upon a time a man would go to great lengths just to deliver a box of chocolates to his paramour in the Milk Tray ad) , greetings cards, magazines, newspapers, sitcoms, novels and so on and so forth. The airbrushed, photoshopped, sweeping soundtracked and every sense heightened message is driven at you each and every day. There is a dashing hero (or heroine) out there who will save you and treat you like a princess (or prince).

This is the message that is all around you. This is what you have been raised to expect. Someone will save the day and sweep you off your feet. Everything is going to be alright. You will have your happy ever after. It is hardly surprising that you have bought into this master illusion. Who would not? It is all pervading and virtually impossible to resist. It appeals to that deep-seated desire to be cared for and protected and this is done by maintaining a myth that someone should arrive on a white charger, armour gleaming to pull you from the clutches of the evil troll or moustachioed villain.

“I need a hero” sang Bonnie Tyler and then she laid down the criteria required for said hero to attain. I do not recall her mentioning a steady income, being handy with a paintbrush and making a nice cup of tea. Instead she, along with countless others, generate an ideal and you bought into it. You want the fairy tale. I understand it. Why would you not when all around you, you are being told that this is the way it should be. Who would not want that sensation of being swept off their feet, romanced and made to feel wonderful. And who says we do not provide it? There is no denying that when our kind come along we invariably pick you up in a marvellous whirlwind of love, attention and affection as we suck you into an illusion. Where does the fault lie? Is it us that are to blame for creating this construct to draw you in? Is it your fault for falling for the myth and casting common sense aside for wanting the unattainable? Or does the blame lie elsewhere? Is it those that created and not maintain this illusion? If it is those in this latter category that have created this monster that you believe in and we merely comply with, then the question becomes this. Who are they? Are they your kind or our kind?

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21 thoughts on “Prince Alarming”

  1. The most recent one..I caught onto Mr Prince Charming quickly. We had not seen each other in 23 years yet he wanted a relationship, said I love you, offered financial assistance and gifts showed up in my mailbox. He was “perfect” both on paper and visually.

    Problem is I knew who he was years ago so I didn’t buy into it. He knew my past with Ns and when I cut him off declaring “bad timing” he sealed the deal and proved my ideas. He called me a NARCISSIST lol. I’m proud of myself this one didn’t take me long to end and I didn’t become emotionally attached at all.

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  2. My dear fellow,

    I beg to differ on endings of love stories. I prefer the ones that end tragically, with a dose of realism. Perhaps you heard of Madam Butterfly, no white knight there. Try out Stealing Heaven, this story is totally messed up. (Abelard and Heloise) The female clearly has emotions that the man can’t give back.

    These two examples are stories of love that portrays real life. Endings where there is no happy ending. Love does not equate to the happy ending. Love equates to work and acceptance of another’s faults. A mutual respect and admiration. Is this love? No, not to me.
    I do not know a real love for man only lust.

    Only my children and my pets have my love.
    Only my brothers and sisters have my love and this is at times in question.

    I am looking for the guy who gets this. He is not a Knight.

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  3. I never wanted a Hero. Savior. Prince charming. President. CEO. Knight. King. Prime Minister. General. Mayor. Rocket scientist. Lawyer. Doctor. Engineer. Star athlete. I didn’t have a perfect family. I didn’t dream like other girls. I wanted to be all of the above. I was just as smart. Just as charming. Just as Capable to take care of myself. I could compete with any man. I could. I did. I was told to never rely on anyone but myself. To see something and go get it. Make it happen. Figure it out. Use what you can. Oh and one more thing…..you unlike those men have a secret weapon….really? What is it? You’ve got a gold mine between your legs. The men will all bend to it.

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  4. Upon reading this, I have come to realize that I am not sure what romantic love is suppose to feel like at all. All my life, I have thought of it to be the kind that the Narcissist plays out in the LoveBombing Stage. I do not know of any other type of Romantic Love than this. I don’t know what real love is suppose to feel like- except everything beautiful and lovely; delicate, and also dramatic; candlelight and glittery stars; the things that feel so perfect, and wonderful; even tragic. Passion, of course. I feel so disillusioned, as if I have lost something that I have always known to be true. The problem is that I don’t know what to put in its place.

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  5. I was taught to marry my hero. My mother instilled that in me. I was raised in the fairy tale that my Prince would come for me and rescue me. I no longer believe that because it doesn’t exist. We need to teach our children the reality of the situation. Take care of yourself because if you don’t no one else will.

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  6. It doesn’t exist. And if it did it would not interest me.

    I don’t want Prince Charming….I want Prince Chaos.

    I don’t want the kind you bring home to mother. I want the kind who breaks into my house while I am sleeping.

    I want what is real and raw. Not what has been fabricated for mass consumption and spoon fed to generations on a cheap gold-plated spoon.

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      1. There is no shocking them, I am not sure if this was your lover at one point but I can assure you that any sexually explicit email, call, text or communication only leads them to feel that you are still in the game. Well, really any communication with make them think you are still interested. While I would love to read your very sexually explicit email I think you are right, it prob. isn’t appropriate on here lol. 😉

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      2. . She is the Narcissist’s Lieutenant who is 65. The Narcissist is a MAN. He is in his forties. I am too, but everybody thinks I am in my early 30’s because of the way my face is shaped, and also because I don’t get much sun.

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  7. Some man once told me: “gorls prefer the bad boys” not the quiet easy going caring etc…they want naughty boys…. seems like naughty boys are the narcissists mostly… because they come as a prince but they don’t stay a prince..

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  8. Ah yes give me excitement, most I have found bore me. I know what I am attracted to now, only one that keeps me on my toes

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  9. Why does it have to be a question of where the ‘fault’ lies? I don’t see it in that way.
    These are archetypes that have most likely evolved over millenia, maybe since man began telling stories. The ‘courtly love’ ideal is nothing new, (see Chaucer). So I agree it’s a myth, fantasy, cultural, social etc.
    But it sounds as though toward the end you’re kind of saying, ‘well can you blame me, I’m just fulfilling your need?’ *innocent face*
    Which is an excuse really. No one’s fault exactly but as adults we are responsible for our own behaviour.

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  10. (I like excitement, toooo. I am use to excitement having grown up amongst chaos).

    Strangely, after the first Narc and I broke up, he was on his Russian Cupid site looking for his Russian woman. He said that the one he was going to see looked just like me. Yet, I am not from Russia. My dad is Polish. (But, the Narc did not care, but only that his new woman looked like me, wherever she might be from). He should have gone to Polish Cupid..lol.

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  11. I have not dated since the breakup with the Narcissist, and I am wishing to heal, first. Anyway, I am at my friend’s house, (whom is out-of-town), watching for his delivery to arrive so I can pay for it, and the delivery guy just left. He was so blatantly rude. He actually reached out and touched my braid, and almost touched my face! I backed away into the house, and my dog started barking furiously, which made him back away! This guy was practically molesting me right there! At one point, I was reaching up to get a pear from the tree, and he “walked past me”, and touched my rear-end, and says underneath his breath, “Oh, um, excuse me…”. I knew he did it on purpose because of the way he reached up, smiling, and touched my braid, and nearly my face! When I got to the house, I shut the door, immediately, and locked it. Wow! So Subtle, he was!! J*rk.

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