Colour Me Narc

First colour narcissist is red. Red come first, the red of passion and seduction. The pumping of the blood from an engorged heart, the red of warmth, that pulsating warmth that spreads over you, delicious and exciting at the thought of being with us. Red comes the first flush of coy embarrassment as you receive the first barrage of our love-bombing, the missiles raining down on you, compliments and praise exploding all around you, causing you to glow with embarrassment, your usual modest self not used to such high adoration and intense appreciation. Red are those lips which you paint so carefully, seeking to entice me since now you want me so much because of what I have shown you. Red is the passion as I first lead you by the hand towards the bedroom and deliver that accomplished performance that will have you begging for more. Red is the flush that crosses your chest and neck, following the denouement of our coupling. testament to the pleasure that has enveloped you and drawn you in. Red are the flags which fly by the score during this introductory stage but you neither hear nor see them for they just blend in against the background of red that I have created. The rustle of those red flags is lost, the symbol of warning never noticed when everything else is so deliciously and invitingly red.

Second colour narcissist is gold. The colour of champions, the symbol of triumph and the mark of the winner. It is our colour, that shining, lustrous gold which glints and shines so magnificently. It reflects across everything, bathing all that we are and all that we create with a brilliant golden light. The dull becomes interesting, the mundane becomes spectacular and the standard becomes special. Everything that glitters is now indeed gold. This colour is apt for it belongs to us, those who are at the peak, those at the pinnacle, the top and the elevated. We have no use for silver or bronze, those are the colours of defeat, the also-rans and the has-beens. Gold is ours and with that colour all that we touch becomes golden. Like King Midas we bring golden sunlight into your life and create this magnificent dynasty with the establishment of the golden period. This era is one of warmth from the golden sunlight, brilliance from its blazing rays and pleasure, delight and elation. Nothing is bad once the golden period has begun, this searing light banishes the shadows, chases darkness away and covers you from head to toe. Our gold dust is thrown liberally around, over you, your life, your friends, our friends and so much more. Everywhere you look you see the effects of this gold. Everything is better, brighter, bigger, more exciting, more satisfying and it is unlike anything that you have ever experienced before. You have attained the gold standard in being chosen by us and you will do anything to remain at the top of the podium.

Third colour narcissist is black. The once banished darkness appears in an instant, all pervasive and able to consume with frightening ease the golden light that once promised to shine forever. It has become a dim memory as the machinations of our black hearts are played out against you. Black is the colour of our moods as you face another day of silence, anger and blame. Black is the cloud which has settled on you and is thick, dark and extensive. No golden light can shine from the firmament through this cloak of black, it has been blotted out by the darkness. Black is our intent as we plan our schemes, concoct our plots and begin our barrage of dark and malign behaviour against your unwitting self. Black is the colour of our eyes which once danced with golden invitation but now have become like ink wells, the eyes flat and hard. Nothing can be seen within save for that baleful glare that lingers and bores into you, seemingly willing you to an even darker place than the one which you now inhabit. Black is the day and the night, the two fused together as time no longer has any meaning to you. All sense of the passage of the minutes and hours has been eroded into a solid block of dark emotions and experiences. The escape routes have been blackened so they cannot be seen against this backdrop of malicious conduct. Black is the forge where dark and twisted tools are furnished, ready to wound, hurt and injure. Black is the long shadow that we cast over your life when we appear in the doorway. Black is the deep and dark pit into which you have been cast and from which there appears to be no escape or relief.

Fourth colour narcissist is white. The colour of desolation and emptiness. The signature colour that accompanies the heartless discard as you are cast out into nothingness. There is nothing to see for all colour in the world has been leeched away by our treatment of you. All that you knew has been eradicated, leaving a plain, white canvas denoting the sterile place that you have been consigned to. White is the colour of numb. You see no colour in the same way that you hear nothing, for the silence that emanates from us is vast and crushing. You see no colour in the same way that those once delicious meals become tasteless like ash in your mouth. You see no colour in the same way that you no longer feel anything. Joy, happiness and delight have been sucked from you and swallowed up leaving nothing behind. All around you is this white wilderness where you see no horizon, you see no end. Your eyes look for a route a way forward but there is no path or road. It might be there but it is indistinguishable from this white blanket which as covered your world. White is the wash that has been painted over our behaviour, excusing it and removing any blame or accountability from it. It is not coloured with the taint of shame, guilt or remorse but has been left empty and stain-free. We have become whiter than white. White is the emptiness. The huge and terrifying emptiness into which you have been placed.

White is also the colour of the ghosting memories which float about this forgotten vale, the spectres of something that once went before who drift aimlessly around you a reminder of the shell that you have become. White denotes absence. What would you give to escape this numbing whiteness, to feel once again? A speck of colour would be so wonderful, just something to contrast against this constant whiteness, a fleck of colour to provide some kind of change. Perhaps a spot of red is just what you need?

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96 thoughts on “Colour Me Narc”

    1. Will the real HG please stand up.

      Ready Aim Fire

      Red for the blood you will shed.
      Gold for the “halo” over my head.
      Black for the garbage bag your body will be stuffed in.
      White for the bleach bottle to wash the mess.

      I will look at these colors in a bit of a different way now.

      Fool ME 1Time said it best………..Fm

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  1. Why go through so much trouble to get back someone you never loved nor cared about ? Wouldn’t it make more sense to find a new person and leave the old ones behind for good ? I don’t understand the point in recycling your past lovers if you don’t love them . Once you discard the first time you would think you would want only new people and not the old .

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    1. The point is fuel Starr. Gathering potent hoover fuel from a former partner is edifying and makes us feel especially powerful. If I know I can generate fuel from someone who has been hurt and wanted nothing more to do with me, yet they still respond to my overtures in some way, that creates very potent fuel. This is why we hoover.

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  2. Just wanna say the women u love bomb r typically attractive as you or maybe more so . We are intellgent individuals capable of taking care of our own who wishes for a love like no other . we r the good people of the world who stabilizes the evil that lurks. Any normalman would wish they could have us but we r untouchable in their eyes. Just want my fellow girls to know their true worth.

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  3. Wow!!!
    You have colors, that correspond with your narcissist behavior? do you have a gold car? Ect? This is quite a colorful pallet.. Used only for the most diabolical of creations.

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  4. Not so much gold as PLATINUM, because it’s all the more luxurious than gold; it’s a symbol of the platinum jewelry I wear, the platinum card I plunk down to pay for an armful of sweaters (not that I actually pay the bill myself)

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  5. You even have a flag for yourself. Lol… You chose the perfect colors. Excellent job HG! I could picture your castle with the flag flying. I love your vivid descriptions.

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  6. I liked the color coded references in this. Colors can represent so many things. In Wiccan tradition those colors you used represent Narcicistic qualities that also seem to apply, in my humble opinion:

    Black: protection, the walls you created to protect yourself from pain and the beast.

    White: innocence and purity that was lost early on

    Red: love and rage, the language of the narcicist

    Gold: worth, prosperity, and the heightened value put into this domain by many narcicists….and paradoxically, it is the lowered self worth that drives the grandiosity.

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    1. Indy,
      I love your analogy… Super insightful.. A glimpse into the narcissist world… The way you articulated your thoughts made me actually feel sad for the narcissist..
      But only for a minute…

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      1. Hi Kate!
        Thank you 🙂 It is OK for feel sad for narcissists, just not at the expense of your own safety and self worth. I found when I found my anger, I was more motivated to act. Then when I did act, got time away from him to get more grounded, the sadness came, but a healthy sadness for him and not one that I got lost in. I think I felt every emotion I have in me during and after…LOL….just grateful that I can feel all of them truly.
        Peace and Love,
        ~Indy

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      1. Hi SA,
        No I haven’t though I will look it up as I love to read on various spiritual and scientific beliefs on existence 🙂 I have quite enjoyed reading everyone’s views here on religion versus science; belief versus non-belief. I fall in the agnostic category myself, though I am strongly of science as well…..however, I have friends that are more hard core scientific that call me a little bit more on the “woo-woo” side too 😉 I like pagan rituals and they help me as a tool to get to deeper places within me. Perhaps because I was raised with lots of ritual.
        Off to smudge my home sweetness!
        ~peace to ya~
        Indy

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  7. Sir Tudor, do psychopaths enjoy sex or does it ever mean anything to them? Do their lovers ever mean anything, even though they have multiple ones.
    Is this true: Sex is never a mutually emotional experience with a psychopath
    Conventional wisdom suggests that sex should be an emotional and intimate experience. Think of any popular ballad on the radio, and you know what I mean: Celine Dion, for example, sings about idealistic, perfect love in which both partners love and trust, and make love until dawn because the emotional connection is so strong. Simply put, a psychopath would be the last person in the world to have that kind of lasting, sustainable connection. Psychopaths are chiefly oriented around getting their most important needs met, regardless of the expense to others.
    Because psychopaths don’t have mutually dependent and respectful romantic relationships, they can’t have a healthy sex life, either. The psychopath is often a pro at seducing and getting someone into bed, but the process is more a calculated game than an organic emotional – and then sexual – experience.

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    1. I cannot speak for psychopaths as I am not one. If you want to understand how a narcissist views sex do read Sex and the Narcissist which you will find interesting and enlightening. I do think however that there is force in your observations in your post.

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      1. I will start on this today. I have four books I am reading now. I need to stay off this blog for a few days to catch up. OH but I will miss it so.

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      2. Really? Why there? Too many kids.
        Are you under 30?
        Whats wrong with Maui or the New England states for the fall foliage. Or New York, Florida is fine too I suppose.
        Better yet Europe.

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      3. I just felt like some cotton candy. I would like to go to Israel. Ireland. Visit family. I have a lot of family in many different places. Poland.
        Tamara

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      4. I was hoping something changed/shifted since then. Oh well. Wouldn’t it be nice if it had. But especially with psychopaths, things never change. Thanks for clarifying you are not a psychopath. I want to know his thinking. Psychopaths are narcissists so what you share would apply but he is so much worse and I need to keep that in mind. Your picture of the fire/black heart is so appropriate. In reading these things or thinking of him, I feel like I am going into a part of hell and I brace myself. I like the light and need to focus more on it and get away from this darkness, but I so want to understand it all before leaving.
        I will read Sex and the Narcissist again (almost did before I wrote.
        Hard to wrap my head around it all. Sex to me was a very special gift I gave and I thought I was the only one. My guess is he’s been with at least 100’s. Also just discovered he has AIDS. (My tests show negative.) He was a drug user/dealer I also found out. He definitely likes women and young hot Babes. He definitely doesn’t seem at ALL homosexual and when I asked if he liked anal sex, he said NO, too dirty. But random comments sometimes means things. And once he texted that maybe he should be gay. I don’t think he is/was.
        I saw some of his “Like” pages on Facebook and it really shook me. He is pure evil. Seemed so nice.
        Thank you Sir Tudor for answering. Have a day with more light, but don’t abuse that light.

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      5. I did what I never thought I’d do: I ordered the book. A few say it’s their favorite. May it drive truth into my heart. My brain knows. Like you say, Sir Tudor, you can perfectly describe it all, we’re not stupid; it’s understanding and getting our heads and hearts aligned. Aligned by Maligned.

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      1. Hi Anna Belle, from my reading I think he is a psychopath. He’s the dangerous, criminal, predator kind. Description fits him to a T. I was so hoodwinked. Still wrapping my head around how I knew him and how he is on paper.

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      1. 1j1,
        I have a friend who is homeopathy Extraordinaire. Have you ever read the materia medica? I liked it just for fun. I mention it here as the elements are part of homeopathy. She as well had me take the Gary Smalley personality test..which is on line and I was Lion, Beaver, Otter, Retriever across the board evenly. Cute tests. Useless info for you in case you are ever a contestant on Jeopardy.

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      2. I started that test and commented to the lion that I had seen a nice beaver. The lion became jealous and ate the beaver. The retriever decided, predictably enough to retrieve the beaver and was also eaten. The otter just said dam and tried to put the lion in his pocket which did not end well. I told the lion he would also be my mane man. Unfortunately for him he was now stuffed so I popped him on the wall of my study. The test was somehow neglected.

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      3. i got retriever and otter. Ugh. Never knew of this fun quiz before….One of the things I’d always say to friends when I used to date was that I didn’t want a golden retriever, I wanted a spicy wolf. And in the end, I’m the retriever after all…haha. If I tell my friends, I’ll never hear the end of it….haha

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      4. Thank you HG…..you are clever and brilliant. I needed a laugh after last night. Now as far as seeing and eating and retrieving Beavers, I am sure such a fine huntsman as yourself has mounted plenty of them.

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      5. No info is useless. I am a Hermit Crab. It wasn’t on the list so I took the test for fun. Beaver, Lion and Golden Retriever were fairly even. Weird. Otter was very low in comparison.

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      6. U Crack me up. If those animals could have a car…..stay with me I’m not vaping….lol. The lion is driving the car, the Beaver is maintaining the car, the retriever is reading the map to help the lion and the otter is bouncing up and down and saying yay we are going for a car ride!!! Otters are the fun governors of life. Retrievers are loyal and supportive. Beavers organize and maintain order. Lions are in charge of everything, or like to think they are. King of the jungle and all that. Cool you took test. I love info too.

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      1. That one was just reiterating letter by letter. Au is gold…pb is lead. Gold plated lead. Nothing more or less….except for my impatience.

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  8. Red for embarrassment and humiliation painted on my face….
    Black for the feeling as if I was locked up in the coffin alive…
    Gold for the areola of an Angel I have tried to be for You…
    White for the clean heart of mine I tried to welcome You in…
    WHITE IS BEST ❤

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  9. Love this HG, yet blue will always be my favorite.
    Midnight blue arms that wrapped around me and held me so tight
    Glacier blue that sent cold shivers from your stare.
    Deep sky blue reflection of my love for you

    Blue the feeling I was lefted with so long ago

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  10. Artfully described, most creative & accurate author

    *My* Narc-Survivor colors:

    White = the fresh, clean slate of No Contact, of clarity (cue “I Can See Clearly Now”..it will be stuck in your head!)

    Red = my post-narc joie du vivre, delicious recaptured vibrancy of living, my appreciation for who I am ♡

    Gold = my sunny optimism and grateful outlook, now that I *GET* you (and you are No-Contact GONE from my life!)

    Black = that dark, frightening rabbit hole into which you fall further, daily, from which there is NO rescue. And you must have it that way —

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  11. HG thank you, it’s how I felt so long ago you have given a place where I do not worry if I express what I am feeling or thinking.
    IMO The worst torture a person can go through is to be completely alone with only their own thoughts (cognitive dissonance is hell), and no one around. I have come to the conclusion that is why this presence has surfaced again.
    Please don’t think I want anyones sympathy, when it mattered no one was there, sorry still hold some anger towards those I thought would be there.

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  12. Hypothetical situation . If you met me and I fell in love with you and didn’t know what you were but figured it out and I told you I knew and I didn’t care I will still love and always be there for you anyway and I would never leave you . Would that be enough for you not to cheat on me if I asked you not to. Would my love ever be enough even if I promised to never abandon you .

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      1. Sometimes I feel that if people like Hitler or Ted Bundy had someone that loved them and never would hurt them or leave them then they never would have committed the crimes and exterminations they did .

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      2. TSK TSK TSK story telling again HG? It is never enough. One is never enough. But anyone who is reading what you write would know this. Or any other publication on Narcissism.

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      1. This is how I felt about my ex who is a high functioning sociopath with a touch of narcissism in him. I’m the only person who ever figured out what he was and I told him I didn’t care and that I loved him anyway and we could get through it together . We talked marriage and having a family . I thought maybe if I loved him enough knowing what he was then he could start to feel a lot more and the demon he told me he had inside him would vanish . I was wrong though , it ended with him cheating on me and sleeping with my co worker and numerous lies and went back to the alcohol and women . He told me he was so used to living in darkness for so long when he started to see light and started to feel he ran and went back to the monster . He said my love scared him and he didn’t know how to handle it . Which is a statement I do not understand because I didn’t think sociopaths could feel fear .

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  13. Can’tGoBackwards, I loved your color interpretations. 🙂 Again HG….another insightful post and vivid description of the narcissistic process. I finally am starting to move forward with optimism…with knowing in my heart that he never really loved me. That I was trying to hold onto something that was never there.

    He will always be empty inside, but I must move on now and not concern myself with him. With trying to get him to understand, or to show me he actually loved me….or to take responsibility.

    Your colors explain that process quite well……

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  14. I remind others that they are also the original colors of ancient wisdom, and that the sun is actually white hot and simply takes on the appearance of red yellow and gold at times. I am wicca as well so I can see how this could relate to that comment and the others personal insights and translations are wonderful truths and tells, but when learning about narcissism I caution you that it will also become like the adage that when your only tool is a hammer every problem will start to look like a nail. I remind myself to always think out of the box more as in the colors of ancient wisdom comment . Narcissists are ancient beings as well as Em-paths. We are not a new species. The colors red white and gold also have a strange quality of producing a feeling of hunger in some and are used most often in the sales of food products and platinum although now more sought out by some than ever, does not have the warmth of gold or the varying shades within its realm and is still one the greatest hunts on earth. Never heard of Pink platinum or yellow platinum? Gold comes in carrots…it also represents the ever present carrot and stick philosophy as well as some losing their life in the ancient and modern pursuit of it. Platinum…is more modern and I have never heard yet of anyone loosing their life in the pursuit of it and I’ve never heard of “platinum fever’?? it just reminds me of cold hard steel. To quote you HG ” I see what you did here” and thank-you, or am I just becoming more in tune? Thanks for the Flush…it was a royal one 😉

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  15. Loved your poem Can’t Go Backwards. And enjoyed reading everyone else’s. Here’s a song I love:
    Coloring Song by Petra
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPDoFhAMkBw
    Red is the color of the blood that flowed
    Down the face of someone who loved us so
    He’s the perfect man, He’s the Lord’s own son
    He’s the lamb of God, He’s the only one
    That can give us life, that can make us grow
    That can make the love between us flow

    Blue is the color of a heart so cold
    That will not bend when the story’s told
    Of the love of God for a sinful race
    Of the blood that flowed down Jesus face
    That can give us life, that can make us grow
    That can keep our hearts from growing cold

    Gold is the color of the morning sun
    that shines so freely on everyone
    It’s the sun above that keeps us warm
    It’s the Son of Love that calms the storm
    That can give us life, that can make us grow
    That can turn our mornings into gold

    Brown is the color of the autumn leaves
    When the winter comes to the barren trees
    There is birth, there death, there is a plan
    And there’s just one God and there’s just one man
    That can give us life, that can make us grow
    That can make our sins as white as snow

    That can give us life, that can make us grow
    That can turn our mornings into gold
    That can give us life that can make us grow
    That can keep our hearts from growing cold
    That can give us life that can make us grow
    That can make the love between us flow

    Seen the Light, but HG Tudor, you know who I am (:

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  16. Indy,
    Thanks for your comments regarding feeling sadness for the narcissist… You have helped me realize, that I share your philosophy… I have graduated to a healthier way of thinking…

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  17. Sorry Starr but are you kidding> Hitler, Ted Bundy? Have you educated yourself on these two wicked people?

    SMH I hope you do not get upset with what I am compelled to type, but you are as delusional as they get and nutty as a fruit cake.

    Hitler? Have you ever met a Holocaust survivor? I sat in a room with them. I have met Elie Wiesel and seen his eyes and heard his words.

    Ted Bundy? Hell, toss a few other serial killers in there too.

    Research them. Lack of love WAS NOT THE FUCKING ANSWER FOR THEM.
    Are you in therapy?
    Sorry HG if I hurt any feelings here. WTF!!!!!!

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    1. I will always believe everyone has good in them somewhere . Maybe it’s suppressed but it’s confusing as to why some people with little to no empathy actually murder and kill people and others do not .

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      1. You need to read up on mental disorders. I know it is very hard for an empathetic person to grasp the evil in the world. Make no mistake it is there.
        Please do not be naive in this area as you will be a victim your entire life.

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  18. SA, I reside in several different states…I like Black Licorice with the real Licorice Extract in it- not just “licorice flavoring”. I do not know of Salt Taffy. I stay in Washington for the most part as I like the humidity. I have several different names I go by- none of which are my real name. I just find the names on the Internet.

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    1. I see, you move around often. I use to live in three states. Las Vegas, Nevada, Maui, Hawaii, Beaver Creek, Colorado each 1/3 of the year. ( my ex-husband spoiled me) I sold two of the properties. I want to travel instead of being obligated to any one place. Nevada is the full-time residence.

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      1. There are a lot of flashing lights in Las Vegas, SA. Do you like to play Blackjack? I like it. I use to play chess, but now I do not have the patience for it. I bet Narcissists play chess very well in thinking many calculated moves in advance. Yes, Checkmate.

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      2. No I do not gamble. I worked in the business @ Caesars Palace for 18 years. I was in the business when it was a fun place to be. Very exciting. Before Mirage and all the rest of the mega hotels. When everything was cash. Many stories in my memory bank. Yes, the movie Casino is about real events that happened. The history here is very colorful. >

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  19. I had two rings taken from my home by a worker valued at, let us just say more than the ring from a Cracker Jacks box.
    I knew who did it; everyone wanted me to let authorities handle it. I decided just to send the message to watch the movie Casino if they had not and that the character Joe Pesci plays, in real life it was Tony Spilatro or so they say. 😉 Well, his niece is my jeweler. They had my rings back in two hours. There is more to the story than this, but this is the meat of it. I called Terry ( my jewelry) and said: “I had to use your name to get my rings.” Her reply was “do whatever you have to do.”
    They own just a little hole in the wall shop here in Vegas.
    Nonetheless, I was lucky to get them back. Yes, I still have them, and I heard he was run out of town by the bad ass owner of the company. Happened in 2007
    Fun times.

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