I Second That Emotion
The emotional spectrum afforded to my kind is limited. The bulk of the positive emotions that you experience have either been stripped away or moulded into one all-pervasive sensation and that is of power. Whereas you might experience joy, elation, happiness and delight, we feel power. That surging sensation which courses through us as a consequence of the receipt of fuel, be it positive or negative. Secure a promotion? I feel powerful. My football team wins? I feel powerful. I seduce a new victim? I feel powerful. I experience amusement, indeed, I have an excellent sense of humour but if I make you laugh through my sense of humour I feel a sense of power once again.
I do not feel sadness. I have, for the sake of gathering fuel, sat through numerous films which are described as tear-jerkers and entertained myself as I have alternated between watching the film and the reaction of the person, invariably an intimate partner, as their expression alters to one of compassion, sympathy and then the tears to begin to flow. I have watched the same film yet I feel nothing. I recognise that the scenes played out by the relevant actors are ones which would be labelled as moving, sad and upsetting, but I feel nothing. When I shift my gaze to the sobbing intimate partner besides me, I begin to feel something. I feel contempt for the weakness exhibited by becoming upset. Not only the fact that these tears flow at all but because they have been generated by acting. How readily people fall prey to what is acting, but I am thankful for that, because if they did not, my existence would be far more difficult. I experience a degree of amusement, because someone is moved by something which is not even real. At least when the tears fall because a pet has been run over in the street, or because a relative has exhaled their last breath on this earth, there is a genuine event which causes grief. Yet, it is always in others. You could flash a montage of images, snippets of footage which encapsulate what people would regard as tear-inducing responses, be they grief or joy and I would remain unmoved. It means nothing to me. The capacity to feel sadness, grief, woe and misery have been removed. I knew them once. I can vaguely remember, or at least I think I can remember, being sad. I do not know what the feeling is but I recall the image from the depths of my memory.
I do not know guilt. Remorse is a stranger to me. I feel no regret nor penitence. Compassion has never been available to me. As for empathy, I do not feel that either. I am, because of my heightened abilities and intelligence, able to understand how people must feel. I have spent many years watching and observing the way that people react to certain situations. I understand when happiness is expressed, I know when regret should be exhibited, I recognise when sadness should make an appearance but I do not feel any of them. If I see you in pain, I know I should demonstrate a concerned expression for you and ask how you are. That is the accepted societal expectation. During my seduction of you, I will indeed adopt that mask of concern and compassion in order to con you into thinking that I am a caring and warm person. I can don the mask which places my facial expression in the correct places. I am able to adopt the appropriate tone of voice and place my hands on you in the gentle manner which is associated with expressing concern for somebody yet despite all these learned expressions, words and gestures I feel no concern for you. I do not feel sorry for you, I do not share your pain, I am not worried about you. I know however that if I am to bind you to me and to extract fuel from you, through your expression of thanks and your gratitude for my apparent care of you, I am obligated to place the mask of compassion on. Of course, as such time as your devaluation commences, I see no need for the pretence and indeed my lack of compassion provides its own reward as your pain is increased by my dismissive attitude, refusal to help and contemptuous sneer.
The Lesser of our kind often do not even know what mask should be adopted and during the seduction stage rather than clumsily grope for an appropriate mask, they will prefer to vacate themselves from the situation, conjuring up some excuse as to why they cannot stay and help. The Mid-Range and the Greater of our kind understand that certain responses are preferred by you and therefore the masks will be brought forth and worn, but only in order to achieve what we want. If the situation dictates that our interests are better served without donning a mask, then that is what will happen.
People often make the mistake of assuming that we are totally devoid of emotion. That is wrong. Yes, there are many emotions, as I have explained above, which we do not possess, but we are not empty of all emotion. I know only too well the emotions of hate, malice, frustration, annoyance, irritation, shame, envy, fury and jealousy. Why am I afforded these emotions and not others? In my discussions with the good doctors and my own consideration of these matters it is evident that in my evolution to what I am, it is necessary for me to have these emotions because they are the catalyst for causing me to behave in the way that I do so I will drive forward, that I will be brilliant, charming and seductive, that I will be outrageous, grandiose, belligerent and destructive, because ultimately all of those things must exist in order to compel me to gather the precious fuel.
If I did not become jealous of those in my social circle praising a friend, I would not feel compelled to draw the spotlight of attention on to me by upstaging that person, telling a glorious anecdote or causing a scene. If I was not jealous I would not take those steps and thus I would be denied fuel.
If I was not envious of my neighbour’s new sports car, I would not be driven to throw battery acid over it during the night and then watch from the window his horrified reaction on seeing the damage the next day. Again, I would gain no fuel.
If I felt no hatred towards you for failing me, I would feel no need to keep doling out the various prejudicial and abusive manipulations. Thus you would not be hurt, upset or frightened and I would gain no fuel.
If I felt no malice towards the world and its treatment of me, I would not be compelled to seduce people to provide me with that shield from the world and its outrageous injustices.
It is these negative emotions, the Dark Motivators, which cause me to always be driving forward. The absence of The Hindrances – remorse, guilt, empathy, regret etc. – means that I am not stopped or slowed in my ever onward march. I am not distracted from the sole and necessary task of gathering fuel.
This approach does not mean that my life is less fuel. I am still able to appreciate much that is beautiful, engaging, fascinating and scintillating in this world. I can appreciate the grandeur of centuries old architecture. I can appreciate the magnificence of a musical composition. I can appreciate the athletic prowess of a sprinter to win a gold medal at the Olympics. I can appreciate the taste of excellent cuisine. I can do this because of my higher function above others of my kind who have little or no interest in such spectacular elements of the world. Whereas you will enjoy the piece of music in that moment, I am using the experience of that piece of music to further my aims.
- I may tell you how brilliant a song is because I know that you will be pleased with me for telling you this and thus you will smile, appreciate me and give me fuel;
- I may use the experience of having heard the philharmonic orchestra play Scheherazade in order to boast about it to other people and draw fuel from their admiring and/or jealous responses;
- I may use the experience of knowing all of Depeche Mode’s music to be appealing to a target because she likes that music too, or just to demonstrate that I have a detailed interest in a particular band so that I am of greater interest to her;
- I may use the experience of having heard a particular song in concert to trump your tale about having heard a different one played in order to assert my superiority over you and draw a reaction from you and others.
You experience certain emotions when engaging in certain experiences. I experience a sense of power in that moment or if I do not, I store the experience to use it feel powerful when it is allied with something else, usually an appliance.
My kind mimic emotions because we are unable to feel so many of them. Thus we will second the emotions that we have seen you exhibit and make it seem as if we feel them. I know many of your emotions; I do not feel them. We second your emotions because we are reliant on your emotions to exist. It is something of a paradox that we have never cultivated certain emotions and/or we have been stripped of them in order to make us lean, effective and efficient, yet we also must receive those emotions from you in order to sustain us. We do not want to see your joy directed towards us for something we have said and done because we will then feel joy, but rather for the power that is unleashed as a consequence of your joy providing us with positive fuel. I am filled with hatred, jealousy, envy, fury and malice but that does not mean there is no room to accept your hatred towards me, indeed I welcome it. As a consequence of my manipulation of you, I want you to stand there screaming your hatred at me until your voice is hoarse and your eyes stand out from your face. The fuel I gain from such an intense expression of negative emotion is immense. Once again I appropriate your emotion and use it for my own purposes. Whether I take it in order to allow me to mimic and copy it, to make me appear more acceptable to other people or whether I seize your emotion as fuel in order to power me and allow my existence to continue, I will always find a use for your emotional output. I put to good use your emotions. I am the ultimate recycler.
139 thoughts on “I Second That Emotion”
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Because you know my kind better then we do! You have studied us! You know that one word from you to someone like me that you need a little more love and reassurance and I would drop whatever I was doing to make sure you got it! Xxx
That is edifying to know FM.
😘 xxx
HG, I’m sorry to interrupt. Don’t you understand that for every person out there that would try to hurt you or bring you down! Their are 10 or more that would protect,love you, and build you up?
So they tell me FM, but how do I know they are not going to slip a criticism dagger between my ribs as they embrace me?
ABB,
Yes!!!!!! We choose! (As adults of course)..We have no control over anyone or anything except our reactions and responses….one man that never ceased to inspire me in reading was Victor Frankl. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
“But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Those things we all went through helped us be strong, develop special skills, and yes, they can be used for noble purposes. It may sound odd, but I’ve reached a point in my life that I’m grateful for my childhood, my parents, and my scars. I love my imperfect parents, god rest their souls. My mother not only taught me depression and the feeling of a switch stick across my back side, she also taught me later in life, before she died of cancer, of acceptance and love without judgement. She became an amazing woman prior to her death. My father softened prior to his death too. We all have our lessons we are born into, fair or not. It is what it is. I have come to radically accept that.
And, ABB, it is not stupid you do don’t know which emotion was linked with which thought. It’s how we were taught. In my home, I was raised to not express anger….lord. Now, when needed, it comes out….and it feels better than bottled in me and turning into depression in me. Sadness was hidden in my home too. No crying. Well, still learning this one….that it’s not weak, but strong to feel!!!
What journeys we’ve been on and will have!!!! We are strong women!!!! Cheers 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺
Indy,
Isn’t it too bad that we cannot pick our parents? The other side to that of course is every single one of us has the potential to use these survival mechanisms for good. This i believe is what HG speaks to in asking himself why change when these skills are perfectly fine. The skills he possesses, such as factual thinking, commanding attention, intellect, disassociation, reading Micro expression and others can all be used for good. Do I believe HG has a soft spot? Yes. It is on lock down? Yes. It had to be because it was considered weakness. He could not allow her to win. At all costs. Even if it was detrimental to his emotional development he had to beat her. In the process he took away those emotions and kept the ones that were able to advance him in life. Sadly the question becomes for at least me, what would I be like if I was allowed to have a full range of emotion growing up? But I am me. I still possess all those coping skills, but now I have a wider arsenal because I learned what the other emotions are and how they are supposed to fit in with the other emotions I was allowed to express. I had to be retaught. It’s really surprising to me that I didn’t know which emotions went with what internal thoughts. Example: how many times I got angry but the internal feeling was hurt. I didn’t know, I thought hurt was anger. I couldn’t admit someone hurt me because that was weakness, so I’d lash out proving they couldn’t hurt me. Stupid really. Emotions are not weakness. It’s weak when you don’t call someone out and say, you hurt my feelings. If they chastise you for saying it , it didn’t change you because all of us are allowed to feel what we feel. If the other person sees it as weak, so be it. Rule your own emotions not others, you can’t control theirs anyway. Yes HG, you can manipulate, scheme, pretend to evoke emotions, but the best defense is a good offense. And if you are armed in any battle you are in a better position to win.(why reading books and blog) Be it by abandoning the fight or by no contact, or engaging the battle knowing that you are impervious to the persons game out of self confidence. It doesn’t matter what if they see you as weak. You feel what you feel and are no longer afraid to admit it. If they don’t get it, so what. People may try to evoke feelings, but our reactions or lack of are the only things we control. Will people get hurt by others? Yes. Will you have enough self control to love them anyway? Will people abuse? Yes. Can you choose to walk away? Yes. I am speaking from an adult perspective there. We choose. You can only control yourself.
Hi ABB, indeed~ I think I have a response in moderation in response to this very thought provoking and insightful view point. I totally agree and we are on the same page.
Anna Belle… I agree with you, I know you stated that you are a sociopath so I have the utmost respect for you because of your response whether or not you are blowing smoke up our asses or not…you got me babe! 😉 <3
ABB,
****Throwing money**** I bet he can shake his money maker 😉😂
Bingo bango bongo.
The sound of your belly dancer coin belt, HG? Or the music your dancing to?
I could see this used for control, yet if there is a codependecy to and this abandonment happens, what Then? I mean abandonment after completely isolation from everyone.
From what understand the codependent needs the narcissist just as much or more so due to the lack of developing a way of confining this creature.
Yes. The CD will seek the umbrella comfort of another narcissist ASAP and if one is not available they will become depressed and break down.
Thanks HG, I have been bouncing around with memories, and dealing with this presence that seems to be hanging out now. This all started after being with him.
I did send that email, not sure if it went through.
HG someone who knew both him and I, made the comment it was like he was teaching me, they heard his nickname for me and knew of other things him and I did.
I have to ask this would one of your kind try and turn and empath from light to dark? The right mixture would haveg to be present in the empath for this to work.
I know a off the wall angle to look at
It is a different angle RMG and they way I wold look at it would be to regard this reaching as another form of manipulation which is designed to bring about the delivery of fuel and submission of control, but just under a different guise.
Sorry I miss understood HG, yet I think I am avoiding another situation in my own life when I asked that. Maybe I understand more of what you are saying then what I want to admit to myself, and projecting.
You definitely are making me go where I have not before, for that thank you.
HG you said you would be free of your mother when she dies, how is this so if you look so much like her? I mean no disrespect, yet every time you look in the mirror you will still be reminded of her.
Hello RMG, there are some physical similarities but I do not look so much like her. She is not the primary concern when I look in the mirror.
Yes HG I have read Chained, enjoyed it yet think I will re-read again, yet i believed I worded the question incorrectly.
I need to think about how to word it the way it’s needed for an answer to it.
By all means.
Sorry i have another question. when u and her are in the golden period and u show her affection ie: u come up behind her and put ur arms around her waist and nuzzle into her neck and kiss her or say something sweet. Or she comes and sits on ur lap and gives u a kiss and cuddle. I no u enjoy the fuel u will receive from doing that but do u enjoy the act itself or does it repluse u?
I enjoy the fuel. I tolerate the intimacy for the sake of the fuel.
Thsnk u HG. I understand now. When i read ” what is love” I misinterpreted what u were decsribing. I assumed those feelings were the same as ours. The tingly feeling. The daydreaming of that person in ur arms. Heart skips a beat etc. now uv explained u dont feel that i can understand the difference to ur version of love next to mine.
Its a pity u dont feel all that. U dont no what ur missing ❤️ Do u think through this therapy of urs u can rewire ur brain and perhaps ever feel that? Do u wish u cud feel that? Does it annoy u that u dont and we do?
Quite alright Jules.
It remains to be seen whether the therapy will cause an alternative outcome with regard to what I feel.
I don’t feel any need to feel what you describe, the sensation of power suits me well enough but I am keeping on open mind on the progress of my treatment.
No, it does not annoy me because I regard myself as superior.
Anna Belle Black
The Master hmm appropriate, yet I did wonder, like you I learned to. Now I use it to keep those under me in line, they just haven’t figured out how the hell I just know.
Do your therapists feel that there is a way to unlock these shut off/void emotions?
I understand that you have access to negative emotions but I have a hard time believing that you can have certain emotions but not others.
If you are able to feel then the positive emotions must be blocked away… kind of like a traumatic event.
They have opined that I have purposefully shut many of them off in order to survive. Others were never allowed to flourish. The different configuration of emotions is a consequence of the necessity of survival. We have yet to address the unlocking that you have suggested.
Maybe it is just me but I think there could be hope if y’all wanted it bad enough… The fuel you seek would not compare to the actual various feelings of being with someone who could potentially be your match.
And therein lies the dilemma DC, do I continue to operate with what works for me and I know it works most effectively, or do I cross the Rubicon and try to adopt the alternatives that are suggested, even though I have the knowledge that
a. it may not work and where will that leave me ; and
b. there are many who would seek to destroy me and this may well be part of their treacherous behaviour towards me.
Do you believe that the “many who would seek to destroy” you are with intent or just that they won’t give you the fuel you need to survive? I can’t imagine that our TRUE kind would even think about destroying you. I have to watch my words on here since it is a public forum but even with the hurt and and emotional battles I’ve had, within myself, Ill always want my ex to be happy and fulfilled…I cannot be the one to do that for him though.
Just as you believe you cannot change, I will never change who I am because I love who I am and I love to give… Understand that there are those of us who cannot be broken even by your kind, we are not vengeful but we are self fulfilling and do not need a second person to obtain our optimum level of happiness.
Good and evil are Ying and yang…it is the essence of life. I wish you could find your balance inside yourself… After all of the irreparable issues with my ex, had he only tried harder THEN to find that balance, not after, we may have survived.
The only reason I think y’all get to the point of discard is boredom… You work hard in the beginning for positive fuel and you’ll even do double duty for two main sources, positive and negative, but you won’t work on keeping the relationship you have alive and fulfilling? You do realize that this is the behavior of a 3 year old who is bored with their favorite toy… They no longer play with it for days, weeks or maybe a year. The moment you go to donate it they cry and throw a fit because they love that toy.
Hello DC, the fact that they will not give me the fuel that I am entitled to equates to wanting to destroy me by weakening me. The fact that they will criticise me is also evidence that they are seeking to do so. I know the world and its cruelties because they were meted out to me when I should have been shielded from them.
I do accept that not everybody operates that way because as you point out there are those of your kind who want someone to be happy and fulfilled, but even when you write that and I do not know you DC, do you know what my immediate response is? I am suspicious of such goodwill. Why? I have seen those who come supposedly with good intention and how that good intention is used as a Trojan Horse to do me down.
Insulting as your final paragraph is (and one which I would contest and attack outside of this arena) you are probably right in what you write. Not that I like to admit that.
And this is where you get me… and if I were yours you know how to make my heart hurt for you. This is ALSO why I do NOT trust the words of, “I will change for you”. So in a sense we are in the same boat and are apprehensive of people and their motives. I understand how you feel… GOD, this is the part that makes me want to hug you and tell you that everything can be better because you are right… you should have been shielded from the cruelties of the world. 🙁
Do you do so called “probation periods” with the women you date? You know, to try to weed out the Trojan horses? Do people really do that long term? I can see a person shooting someone down because they are too cocky, I think that gives many of us pleasure. If I am approached by an overly self confident jerk I will definitely shoot their jet right out of the sky… some people need to be grounded from time to time. *I don’t care who that person is, even celebrities need that reminder.
And for the record, I don’t want someone to be happy, I want everyone to be happy. EVERYONE deserves love and happiness. It is not my job to destroy anyone… instead I am the idiot that will make excuses for your (their) actions.
I do not have probation periods. I do the groundwork before engaging and if all looks promising then I engage in order to secure the green light. If I identify problems in this first engagement, I withdraw. Since there is the planning and the “checking” undertaken through the first engagement, there is no need of a probation period.
And, I really don’t want to insult you. I am just calling it how I see it and unfortunately I’ve dealt with that toddler attitude for the last 8 years, not including actual experience with a toddler… thank goodness my daughter is just months shy of adulthood! I suppose that is why I haven’t had the desire to have anymore children.
It is okay DC I know you are not intending to insult me and you are stating the situation as you see it, naturally it is insulting to be likened to that situation but in this arena you may state as such and I will recognise as such with no repercussions.
It isn’t the repercussions I am worried about… I am learning that I am a much stronger person because I can clearly see that I have only had long term relationships with narcs (and even some short ones). I do not want to make anyone truly feel any lower than they already are or have.
HG No one wants to hurt you deliberately unless it is a Narc. Most people just want to give and receive positive emotions. What else is there? Some call it love, I call it contentment. I am so sorry for the little boy you were. >
Dragoncreeder
I as well can feel the harmful feelings but dead in the love feelings. I have just become aware of how to unlock the brain to reach these emotions. I can honestly say this is a brain wiring issue. I now have the ability to make a switch in my brain to feel certain emotions. Its all circled around how you were able to coup as a child. Which defense mechanisms you acquire as a child. It’s fascinating!
BRAIN WIRING! LIKE LIKE LIKE SII
Stop shouting
I’m not. My CAP LOCK IS ON😜
Very funny
I grew up an only child with siblings coming into my life much later… I have always been able to self entertain and self soothe… I guess you could say I have always been in MY OWN little world and I invite people as I choose. I, however, cannot shut off love or compassion for others. I can hide it to their faces and I can be a complete *itch but I can assure you that I will feel guilty about it. I love to love, I love to lend a helping hand and I want to leave others being as happy as I am. It will never change and I am okay with that. I am who I am and no one will ever be able to change that about me… and I certainly never want to be able to shut of my emotions…they are like the senses…absolutely beautiful, an equally but unique feeling in their own rights. Every sense, every emotion can break me but can also lift me higher!
I am the eldest child of 4. I was the main fuel for a lower mother narc. My grandmother I believe was midrange and her control led my mom to a lower range but I can’t be sure if that’s even possible.
I am in rewiring work. There seems to be sparks that are opening in the feel good area. It a slow sickening process but I believe worth it on the other side. I don’t have to go back and relieve what I bury.
I hope you do obtain what you want SII, everyone deserves happiness ESPECIALLY when you are broken because of a person who was suposed to be your parent!
Infatuation is an excellent description to the feeling of love. I could not form a word that I could describe. That’s the closest I have heard. Thank you!!
HG you talk about the destruction of what you build to contain this creature, and a co dependent is a narcissist that didn’t fully come to. If I am understanding correctly.
What happens to the codependent if they are forced to face this, in other words the narcissist that has helped keep things in check abandons completely and they are lefted with what has been contained?
Hello RMG, you are correct. To save my fingers, have you read CHAINED ?
Have you ever researched the Jezebel spirit HG?
No KD i havent but i am aware of it.
Do you have the ability to produce tears and fake cry even if you feel nothing ?
I do not cry. I do not even produce fake tears, it is beneath me.
Did you ever cry?
My half-brother tells me I did but I do not recall. I suspect he says this to try and get a reaction from me. He is not a narcissist, he just enjoys winding people up.
I thought my family was mental, haha. Although, I think, it is somewhat sad you cannot recall (or do not recall).
You will get credit. I am stapling it to the copy of your book. There will be a rewiring study. I need your thought process and my knowledge now of the ability to switch the brain. It’s coming together. Your involved. As things progress I will forward all findings. Your not going to heal me by revisiting my passed. I think there is an answer in rewiring it’s just taking 2 people to put the wiring parts in line. Anything I grab from the blog I ask first and it will only be stabled to the book. They need to be together. That’s how it will be presented. Should this study go further and things happen as I believe the study will show your name and mine will be recognized. Then the big discussion who am I?
Understood and I have no issue with that, thank you for informing me.
“Not only the fact that these tears flow at all but because they have been generated by acting. How readily people fall prey to what is acting … I experience a degree of amusement, because someone is moved by something which is not even real.”
The reason why I am moved to tears when watching a film or a sad story on TV is because that particular story reminds me of a similar event that has actually happened in my life.
If I watch a real story, which I have never personally experienced before, I may feel compassion, empathy, sympathy but I am not moved to tears.
A few years ago & following his return from a long silent treatment ex narc came to stay . Naturally I was happy to see him & glad that the treatment for then was over .
Within a few minutes ( literally ) of arriving he’s sent a video clip to my laptop, nothing unusual there or so I thought until I looked at it .
It was of a man on his knees, hands tied behind his back being beheaded . I remember vividly bursting into tears with the shock .
Little did I know it was all about fuel . A big dollop when he arrived followed by another a few minutes later. I’ll never forget that day & the complete lack of any emotion he showed outwardly .
I wonder now if that was my punishment for ignoring the silent treatment HG ?
Undoubtedly SS.
Thanks for confirming that HG .
I wouldn’t have known that without reading your blog .
It’s great to see so many new posters too. It seems the word of HG Tudor is spreading .
I like it 🙂
You are welcome and yes it is good to see newposters as well, I always enjoy the new perspectives that arrive, but the continuing observations of the old guard are just as important as matters move forward and evolve.
Ty,
I’m not going anywhere fast HG, still lot’s to learn from the master.:)
Very much the case So Sad
Reblogged this on i am parang_ano and commented:
But a true narcissist would have to reveal his intentions to further his goal, afterall, the self is the goal.
If you had access to the Light Motivators, then you would have no need for external fuel because you would have it inside. Yes, you were stripped of them (by mattriNarc, no doubt) and developed into a “killing machine”, lean and mean. Thus, creating the need to fill the space where the light motivators were with other people’s light, collecting fuel. When you knock down those walls, you will find the light (positive emotions)and the supply you are looking for. Or at least more of it, as like others here, I believe you have access to some of them already, albeit to a lesser level or degree.
The Victim Narcissist is so very adept at faking all the crying and sadness; yet, he almost does it over-board.
So much to say about this one!! But first I must gather all my thoughts and emotions. Xxx
HG do you pick up microexpression in people?
yes because our kind engage in it repeatedly as a consequence of suppression.
I know that you adressed The Master, but I must say that I picked up microexpression in people by being raised in an environment where it was critical to know which emotion was coming through the door. So skill was honed to pick up instantly in order to become whichever person they expected.
I like this term “Microexpressions”…years ago they would have referred to this ability or this type of survival instinct as being a symptom of abused persons syndrome, hyperawareness, or hypersensitivity allows you to or calls for you to do or become just as you said Anna Belle Black you/we are honed in on instantly to what was coming through the door in order to become which ever person the situation called for. That is where our mask gets put on not unlike an N.
ABB, I totally agree, this skill can be learned early on in childhood for survival. When I was very young (5ish) I had a deeply depressed mother who had flat affect. I got good at reading subtle as it was all I saw. My dad was flat too, for other reasons. So, I lived in seeing and picking up the tiny subtles. One of my jobs is i work with children on the autism spectrum and this ability has served me well in my career, as I have to form connections with them and get into their inner world.
Anti-Freeze it is for you. It is also green in color.
You wrote so passionately about the love u felt for the first girl u fell in love with at school. Amanda i think it was. Im sure it was in the book of confessions of a narc. What u wrote about how u felt seemed pretty normal emotions to me. What happened to them? Whether it was infatuation or love at the time u wrote how u felt it. Was that real? Have u felt it again since? If so then u do feel love like we do.
Again when u write about other women u first meet u express what we all feel in the beginning of a relationship. Just because they end up disappointing u later, are u sure u not misinterpreting ur feelings after the relationship has bombed out by saying ” oh all i felt was the sweet fuel i knew she wud supply”? Instead of saying ” I actually did love her but then fell out of love with her”?
That was an infatuation with the ideal that she represents and the fuel that she would provide to me. I did not know it at the time but looking back I understand now what it was. I have felt infatuation many times since.
You make a valid point but having analysed this and discussed it at length, I know that I did not love her or fell out of love with her, I loved her positive fuel and then fell out of love with her positive fuel and thus loved her negative fuel instead,then the positive again, then the negative and so on and so forth until such time as I fell out of love with her fuel completely and the fell in love with the positive fuel of another.
“If you feel like giving me a life time of devotion, I’ll second that emotion” (should be all our ring tones 😉 ). Your Break seems to have done you a world of good. Between what you are now doing for yourself and the good of your own health (what ever that consists of behind the scenes) in combination with whatever you are getting from your relationship with the Good Dr.’s and this blog forum, you are feeling I believe somewhat better about yourself and your relation to your existence. Your writing is “tighter” with increasing detail and follow through on content and thought processes. I find that to be a indication of your growth. Your skills are seriously honed and at first I thought there was no need or any room for growth. I can see I was wrong, as I can see it loud an clear now .
Prior to our separation , my spouse admitted that he was confused as to why he believed he kept falling in and out of love with me. This explains it all beautifully HG. It’s hard to believe that I can consider the brute truth beautiful, but all my life I was considered to be at times brutally honest. I grew up with a lot of brutality, so I guess that’s why I can see the beauty of being that way because of the honesty and intent behind it to actually help with a quick understanding and not from trying to beat their lessons into others physically and verbally and repeating that behavior. My spouse was brutally honest too with me which contributed to my loving my spouse as he was never usually outwardly physical or verbal in the same ways. Intent might have been the same at times but the method was different and that was how he got under my radar to begin with. We sugarcoat too many things in life in order to get the medicine to go down. Sometimes I think we just need to swallow it hard and not cut and dry in order for the memory to make that lasting impression needed in order to change anything in reality.
are we helping to provide that shield for you? If there will only be a heightened enlightenment and greater ability to hone your skills received on your part,HG then are you then a mere study with an unexpected result for both yourself and the good Dr.’s ? I am wondering then where they plan to go with their new found results from you HG because I believe you are teaching them plenty as well. Is this helping them to learn to relate to other clients better by giving them further insight into how they can actually help others that have no control be more like you? Thank-you so much for another great article. We learn a great deal from your comments as well. X’s
Thank you Elaine, interesting observations as usual. I am interested at how you have identified that my writing is “tighter”,of course a reader is more likely to pick up on this than me. Yes, the good doctors are learning plenty from me, as much as I thought they would. They have not given me any indication so far as to what they propose to do with their increased and new understanding.
Fair enough but in more confessions of a narc u wrote under ” what is love”u wrote quote ” i feel a massive sense of affection for u when we first meet. In fact I would wager that the intensity of my feelings for u goes above and beyond what anyone else feels” ” my form of love may not be the same as yours but then whos is? My version is sweeter, greater and all encompassing. Just because it does not last does not mean that it is not love” unquote
So im confused HG because at that given time I believe u do feel these emotions like we all do. So its not an act. Its only after its failed ( like alot of normal relationships do) that u interpret what u felt initially was faked for fuel.
So unless im also a narc i also feel the same about a person in the beginning. Call it infatuation or love or lust the point is i also feel the emotions of that sweet love that person will pass my way. The way he makes my heart skip a beat. That tingly feeling when i see him. So yes its also all about me me me. What he can do for me and make me feel. To feel alive!! I call it love. U call it fuel. Isnt it the same thing? Its the best feeling ever and we all no that feeling cannot last forever and it settles down and stabilizes into something more mundane. The difference between u an us then wud be that we stick around and except the honeymoon faze is over but we still compatible with that person and stay whereas u are enraged its over and wont settle for mundane stabilized ( possibly boring) and sabotage it or blame us for that phaze fizzling out and punish us for it while getting rid of us. In fact ur more hurt than we are that its fizzeled out therefore is it possible ur more sensitive to emotions than we are. ? Is it possible ur form of love is the same as ours? But the way u handle it after the honeymoon phaze is over is very different to ours. ? Help me understand pls.
Thank you Jules I am pleased you picked that out for me as this encapsulates the infatuation to which I refer. It remains the case that I do not feel what you feel in terms of love. I have discussed this in detail and what is described to me is not what I recognise.
my heart does not skip a beat when I see that person. I feel powerful from the fuel they give me and I want more of it.
I do not tingle. I feel the surge of power instead.
There is force in what you write about the difference being that you can accept the ending of the honeymoon and the compatibility which causes you to remain thereafter and we cannot. To me, the loss of what you describe as the honeymoon period is fatal to the necessity of the gathering of fuel and I blame you for the ending of this period, hence the devaluation which must be done in order to create the fuel level which is necessary to sustain me.
HG,
When you speak of feeling power, do you mean it like a surge of energy or strength, or control, dominion, compell obedience, sway or mighty? If so don’t those feelings really elevate a person’s mood to one of joy and happiness? To know someone obeyed you. Or you swayed a person to your idea. Or you stayed strong in a trying situation. Or people listened to your suggestion. Our there was a take charge or controlled attitude you exhibited? All of those feelings seem pretty universally related to happiness. So why destroy the happiness? If you continue to exhibit the traits that cause this feeling of power then the admiration and leadership and positive attitude you would have from being on the top of your game seems like you would never have to blame someone else if you lost your place at the top. It would be your own undoing by letting that power go to your head, would it not? Why do you have to blame someone else for your own unhappiness? It seems sometimes like you are talking about two different things.. being the best and blaming others if your not or being so unhappy with your own faults you have to rip.someone else down to keep yourself elevated. How do these sustain something that is a false construct? You possess the skills to be successful in all areas of business, writing and relationships. But continually self sabotage then blame others. Do you not accept responsibility for your own actions because of your Arrested Development? Just curious not trying to antagonize you.
Yes it is akin to a surge of energy. You equate those examples to happiness, I equate them to a sensation of power. The power is what sustains the construct. I do possess many skills and the way I operate enhances those skills (plus I gain those skills from being so driven owing to the need for fuel). I do not self-sabotage. I understand you are not antagonising me, I recognise that you are seeking to gain knowledge, but thank you for adding the clarification anyway.
Is not power your form of happiness? If you lose that power you weaken your construct then say feel depressed or unhappy, then an urgent need to get more power to patch up the weakened areas? Self sabotage in the sense of this fuel is no longer satisfactory so I shall chip away at its construct and make it feel desecrated. This will ruin our relationship but I need to have more output and this appliance is not making the grade. Then I will get new appliance, repeat the process and continue to sabotage every relationship. Hoping that the next one will put out enough emotion to make me feel powerful and not weak. Are not feelings of power equated with happiness and no emotional output from appliance equal to depressed state of panic in your mind?
Our sense of power is probably our form of happiness FTW, yes, that has force. I see why you regard it as self-sabotage from that perspective, but I disagree, since you cause the devaluation therefore you are the ones who sabotage what we have.
Before you have said that the appliances emotional output becomes stale. Could that staleness be because the more you condition the responses from the appliance as satisfactory or unacceptable and they become more confused at the response you are looking for, they become driven by fear of choosing the wrong response and it angers you that they are not trying hard enough? Thus showing that your ever changing type of fuel needed to sustain your construct sabotaged the relationship by breaking the persons character. They became crazy exhausted at trying to figure out what fuel they were supposed to be giving you didnt they? Then so they failed you and became broken in your eyes because they couldnt mind read your wants and needs and were becoming terrified? They did it on purpose? So they sabotaged the relationship? Thanks for letting me ask, as I wish to know how I was supposed to not break.
There is considerable force in your comment FTW. I regard it as a combination of what you have suggested, allied with familiarity with the fuel and also the appliance feeling that he or she need not make as much effort because they see the “honeymoon” period of the relationship having passed.
Which components of the combination i suggested do you regard as valid? As regards to the familiarity, is it the relaxed atmosphere of knowing how the individual will respond not chaotic enough? Do you believe the effort is diminished because the thrill is gone? Is the effort diminished because you stop trying to get a rise out of the person or they just grow tired of never being able to please you, so they quit trying?
All of them. The knowledge of how they will respond, we do not stop trying to get a rise out of them, but they may no longer respond in the way that we require.
Thank you.
yikes… dizzy merry go round… you got to get tired!
No fatigue here Amsodone.
Very interesting HG and I love to observe Ns in action faking their emotions.
Certainly mine is very, very practiced at some and utterly convincing (whether they’re directed at me or someone else) even though I know what he is, it is still hard to see sometimes.
Yet at other times, his emotions completely lack any sincerity (again whether this is directed to me or another).
I recall even before he started love bombing me, that he was a bit ‘odd’ and that some of his emotions were way off the scale for the context they were in.
It’s really quite funny now when I see him or others in action.
HG
Can I have your permission to copy this post. It is extremely valuable to me at this time.
Side note. I am working with a lower level. NC 6 months and he can’t find me. He has never tried to call but I see he is blocking and calling late. I won’t answer. He is dangerous and he was not smart enough to have fuel or honest the means to get it. If I had a man answer my phone could that be pushing the danger button? I want him gone
Hello SII by all means, if it is to be published elsewhere do ensure appropriate credit is given to me, my lawyers are twitching and I would not want them to come after you!
if a man answers your phone it will result in an ignition of fury but since he is not physically proximate to you it would probably lead to verbal abuse, it would however make you a less desirable proposition and thus would adversely affect the hoover execution criteria being reached
You will not cease to exist if you do not hurt and manipulate others . You will still be breathing and you won’t die from not hurting others. Is the hatred and malice towards other because they feel the positive and you do not so maybe you are jealous that they can feel love and joy from a person and you cannot ? I don’t quite understand what it is you feel if you don’t get emotional fuel and power . I have no desire for power or to manipulate or hurt others and I’m still living and breathing . It’s hard to understand .
It is the destruction of our construct, the very thing we want the world to see and which keeps the creature in check. We will cease to exist as we wish to exist if we lose the supply of fuel for too long. If you read Fury it will add to your understanding of why we are as we are. Yes we will exist in the sense of breathing and our heart pumping, but so does a person in intensive care but you would only regard that as being alive as opposed to living. Physically we would remain, but the being we wish to be, have to be, would be consigned to oblivion and that is why we need the fuel as we do.
If you were in a relationship with someone and they loved you and cared about you unconditionally, and say they got in a car wreck and passed away would you grieve or mourn the loss or would you not care and it be someone like me losing my favorite pen to use so I would just purchase new one to write with and not think about the pen I lost after that ?
I would find their death a massive criticism of me because this cruel and harsh world has taken away such a precious primary source of fuel and this would underline exactly why I regard the world as I do and why I do as I do. I would mourn the loss of the fuel and use it to gather fuel by way of sympathy from other people but I would not care for the loss of that person per se. eventually, yes, it would be like losing a favourite pen. I would make a song and dance about the loss for the sake of appearances and to gain fuel and then go and by a new one as you identify.
Wow. I do not like you anymore. I know you can not help how you feel. But then I can’t either. I do not like you. >
HG….do a literal song and dance for us….we are never out of the love bombing stage here soooo….I got my dollar bills ready to make it rain! Ladies????
I am throwing shapes as I type.
Here in Canada we only have “loonies and Toonies” ( one and two dollar coins)…I think I’d have to step it up to 5’ers at least 😉
But who do you really wish to be? You take on the appearance of others. Do you not like who you see in the mirror. Or your mind will not let you. Wonder what would happen if you had mushrooms? What would you see. I would prefer LSD myself. >
There are times I do not like what I see in the mirror when she appears. I have taken mushrooms and I saw many different things, although watching the flames shift and their metamorphosis was my favourite.
What? She? The IP or mom.
I’m talking about you. What do you see when you look in a mirror?
Sometimes me. Sometimes her.
Her, which her? Both. Do you have an IP, main source now HG. Long term GF?
You will read about who it is in due course, it is more appropriate to do it that way given the significance.
In one of the books coming out? Do you work for yourself, as you are here many hours doing this blog and writing your books. Prison perhaps?
That’s correct. I am part of a business but have flexibility at times. The demands on my time have curtailed my book writing for many weeks now actually.
No I am not in prison, I am too careful and too clever to wind up there.
The fact that you behave in such a manor to end up there if you were not so clever disappoints. You are better then this. You can still be a SocioNarc without doing things to put you behind bars.
I hope you can resume your writing soon. I also hope you write some fiction in the future. But I have told you this.
You don’t know what it is that I may or may not have done SA which hypothetically could result in incarceration so don’t be too disappointed. I am not a recidivist and as you point out, there is much I can do and what I already do which furthers my work and aims which does not contravene the law of the land.
I appreciate your comments about the writing, thank you.
Your MOTHER? Do you look like her?
I look more like my other than I do my father.
Obviously you are ore like her in personalty too. This alone would make me want to change the way I behave. Can’t you just direct it all on her? Do you feel you will be free when she is dead? Will you ever be free?
I am like her in many ways, although I am more magnetic and charming, my sense of humour is far better and I am superior in the application of my manipulations. I cannot direct it all on her because the most appropriate way for me to infuriate her is to have as little as I possibly can to do with her.
Will I be free when she is dead? Of her? Yes.
HG
I hate to break your spirit here. You won’t be better when she is dead. You give her to much power.
I disagree SII, I will finally be free of her when she breathes her last.
HG
I know with every single molecule of my being you hate her and death is freeing. I once had that evil, hatred feeling for my matriwitch. There is no itch that is worse. Honest, wishing her death took to much of my energy.
When the wires connect a diffrent picture is seen.
Thanks SII I do appreciate and understand where you are coming from. I don’t spend much time on wishing her dead because I know it will happen and my Grand Design for her is coming together.
Why would you want to be like something you dislike? Is it the “voices”
Other than surgery there is not much I can do about how I look similar to her. as for the traits and characteristics, I am superior therefore I am not like her in that regard.
Are you beautiful? I look like my mom, as I said. I know I am beautiful. I am told almost everyday in some way that my looks are not the average. Exotic, beautiful, etc. I guess it is in the eye of the beholder. I am a lightning bug. I was told yesterday I am a rare butterfly. Now that was a nice one don’t you think.
I am handsome rather than beautiful.
You know I am just busting your chops HG, please do not punish me.
I, like most of your followers, maybe all, find you beautiful. Meaning helping us is a beautiful action.
Perhaps I should not speak for anyone else, for this I am sorry, but I think you are BEAUTIFUL. This is a very delicious word.
And where it’s not possible to obtain fuel ? Does an N fall into a deep depression ?
If the fuel levels drop too low Alexis then yes this is what will happen – as described in the what happens when no contact takes place articles.
Thanks for the reminder HG.
Ivr read all your articles and most of your books. My memory does not serve me as well as yours – you could never gaslight me, I’d just belwice everything you said 🙂
Ha ha very good Alexis.
I read it twice hoping that I’ll understand my son’s behaviour. ..not a chance..he’s not formed yet and too young… many times I was thinking : he used to smile as a baby and in time the smile vanished… i I used to ask him : “what’s up babe. Are u sad?” He’d said no. But no regular smile or a happy face… he seems to gain pleasure from annoying people. .. I thought he can be empathic or compassionate but I can see it’s fake…I always felt it…his tone changes weirdly when he tries to show the two above…as if he was pretending. .. only gain something afterwards. ..many times I’m prepared for what that might be so…thank You G for the post. Read it in the past and still taste delicious today…
How old is he maddie ? Do you think he’s an N ?
I read somewhere that there is hope for younger children, to at least not to become extreme. If you make a lot of eye contact when talking with them or telling them off, amongst other things.
I’m worried about my stepson. His mother is one and I see so many signs in him and she took us to court. It’s now mandatory him and his siste go every other weekend whether they want to or not. Since they have been going, the attitude has gotten so much worse. How can you break it when you can’t cut off the source? When she had ditched them for a few months because of being wrapped up in a new boyfriend and fuel source, he was showing improvement.
if that’s so sad and must be so hard for you. I think there is not much you can do, other than be there for them, I’m sure the last thing they want is A battle. I’m not sure how I would handle that situation, it must be gut wrenching. id just love them all I could, not get involved in a tit for tat or say bad things about heir mother, but if they wanted to talk about her, listen, understand and most importantly believe them.
And to deal with my own CD in relation to that I’d just have to think I can’t control how their mother behaves and that I was doing all I could.
Warm hugs to you – that’s so tough xxx
Hello Maddie and Alexis2015s
Jane and Tim Mc Gregor wrote about this subject in their book The Empathy Trap. Look at your child in the eyes and persuade him to look back. It seems that children with “callous unemotional traits” seldom look their parents in their eyes. They suggest increased physical contact and eye contact between parents and child. They also mention the film We Need to Talk about Kevin.
Ah that’s the one E.B. Thanks for the reminder. I’ve seen part of that film, fairly early on in my recovery. It was a good film.
HG
For me I feel in the way you write that those emotions are not the only ones you feel..,
Agree Nikita!
But it all can be a game for him. He is an expert. Never forget this.