The Parasite

You fed off me and I am sick of it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my magnetism, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am magnanimous I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to annoy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my charm, my attractiveness, my easy manner with people and how they are drawn to me and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted some of that. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my impeccable reputation, my scintillating presence and my esteemed connections. I do not blame you for wanting to be associated with me, who would not? Who would not want such a slice of the action as me? The opportunity to move in circles that you had never experienced before. The chance to be somebody. The time to clamber upwards from the tedious life you led and the doldrums in which you festered. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to be a part of that world. You certainly did become part of that world as well. You enjoyed my extraordinary largesse as you accepted my gifts, my invitations and my cold hard cash. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed your friends and family to become part of my entourage, they certainly had no qualms about getting on the gravy train did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were always only ever my friends. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my irritation became annoyance? That my annoyance became fury? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I had to stop this. I had to find someone who would give rather than take and that meant I had to be rid of you. That is why I chose someone else to escape your leeching and draining behaviour. That is why I cast you aside. You are a parasite.

 

You fed off me and I am sick with it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my goodness, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am the kind and caring person that I pride myself on being, I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to destroy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my compassion, my attractiveness, my empathic manner with people and how they respond to such kindness and love and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted all of that for yourself. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my gushing compassion, my reflective presence as my emotional nature. I do not blame you for wanting to be with me, who would not when they are a creature like you? Who would not want such to erode me slice by slice? The opportunity to move yet again in circles that you had experienced before. The chance to be make yourself feel like somebody for once. The time to clamber upwards from the empty life you lead and the chasm which threatens to engulf you. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to make me part of you by swallowing me up. You certainly did make me become part of you as I struggle to remember most days who I am and what I was before I met you. You enjoyed my extraordinary love as you accepted my attentiveness, my invitation into my heart and my warm, loving nature. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas to who I was and you saw no reason to ever respect my identity. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised and even when you began to abuse me, I never wavered from that. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed my friends and family to become part of your facade, they certainly had no qualms about forgetting me following your smear campaigns did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places in side my soul once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were my friends until you banished them. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my confusion became despair? That my despair became desperation? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I need to find a way to stop this, but I can’t seem to. You won’t stop.  I have to find someone who will give rather than take and that means I need to be rid of you. I know this has to happen but I feel I cannot escape you, you have drained and leeched from me to such an extent that I am barely able to think and function. That is why I need to cast you aside but how can I when you will not let me go and you will not stop causing me to love you. You are a parasite.

Who is the parasite. You, me or both of us?

The parasite is the one who benefits at the expense of the other.

Who is the parasite?

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38 thoughts on “The Parasite”

  1. When reading this article, I felt like it was written by the narcissist. Although he was the parasite, this sounds like how he viewed me, as opposed to how I view him.

  2. People who can and know how to love are no parasites. I don’t agree they do it from position of weakness. Quite contrary.

    1. We all can TALK abot love, but reallity is something else.You miss something here…The question is do you love yourself uncondisonally?
      Do you? There is the answer….
      Peace people

      1. ….you, I, others……all of us….
        We all “love” from position of weakness……
        Peace, Hg

  3. As you seem to suggest that the intensity of the relationship comes from reciprocal need, how does a narcissist react to healthy detached (disinterested, altruistic) love, that is authentic?Are they able to see it for what it actually is at any level or do they rather interpret this as lack of fuel and lose interest?

    1. Could you help me out Echo and expand on what you mean by a disinterested love? Isn’t that something of an oxymoron or perhaps I am misunderstanding what you mean.

      1. disinterested in the true sense of the word: caring for you without the need to obtain something in return.caring for someone without needing to gain something from it. the psychologist Eric Fromm used the term as meaning authentic love. hope that helps. thanks for your time.

      2. Of course:
        Disinterested in the true sense of the word meaning doing something – in this case loving someone or caring for someone – without needing anything in return; without imposing needs or demands on the other. The psychoanalyst Eric Fromm talks about this. Is a narcissist able to understand this or, without the parasitic clinging needs of the other will they simply perceive it as lack of fuel?
        Hope that’s clearer. Thanks for your time .

      3. Thanks for the clarification Echo. As mentioned in the other response, this would still amount to fuel for us because the exhibited love is an emotional reaction directed at us.

  4. I don’t think of you as being a parasite. You’ve used that word and I’ve seen others use it, but my perspective is very different.

    I view you as a highly-skilled; incredibly efficient; high-performing machine. Machines need fuel to run. We all know that when you try to fill a beautiful, high-performing machine with low-grade or poorly-made fuel, the machine doesn’t operate as smoothly or efficiently.

  5. Third time read. Paradox. Beautifully written. AH OH sums it up in her comment. There is medicine to rid the body of parasites. It isn’t pleasant. The parasites that infest the mind are much more difficult to remove.

    I never wanted any of that glitz and glamor. Nope.

  6. HG Tudor. You are a genius…you bring it to the point so perfectly.
    Actually I just discovered that its exactly this neediness which draw me to the shining, self confident person who I now call a narc. But it was never about him, but always about me. My needs, desires and wishes were bonding me to him, who enabled this aliveness in my life.
    You are so right – the codependant is a taker as well. Both fulfill their agenda and dance this destroying dance.

  7. My dear Mr. Tudor. Throwing down the gauntlet, are we? Well I’d be remiss, if I didn’t respond.
    Initially, through your writing, I was distraught, thinking there is a beast within me, because I am a codependent. However, there is not. The only negative forces that reside are outside of me, not within my being.

    – I decided to be with you because you wouldn’t leave me alone. You chased me, nonstop, begging me to be with you. The more I told you no, the harder you tried.
    – I never needed you. I never asked you nor troubled you for a thing. You needed me in every aspect of your life. I made your daily existence so much easier. Because of me, your life was smooth sailing… free of any duties or tasks that you always neglected anyway.
    – Your impeccable reputation? Dear man, you’ve burned far too many bridges to remain untainted. People do talk. Cities are not so large that word doesn’t get around.
    – Your esteemed connections and circles? You mean your coterie? They were simpletons. I tolerated them solely because I loved you. Yet they had nothing profound to speak of. They were as deep as doorknobs.
    – I had a chance to be somebody? Yes, I always wanted to know what it felt like to be a backdrop, a shadow, nonexistent.
    – The tedious life I led before you? True, it was tedious accumulating accolades and advancing as a senior member in my profession at a young age.
    – I accepted your gifts? Thank you, they were few and far in between. Mine were better.
    – Your invitations? You only invited me to babysit your friends’ wives, so you could go out and play. You are welcome.
    – Your cold hard cash? That was my least favorite form of a gift. As I had told you several times, I would prefer a piece of lint that somehow reminded you of me, than money as if I am a whore. How unimaginative of you.
    – I was delighted to be on your arm for events? Yes, it was a pleasure to be ignored while you gallivanted around flirting and doing God knows what else.
    – I tried to stop you from doing what you wanted? Oh, come on, even you have to laugh at that. As if you could be stopped?
    – I wanted to prevent you from spending time with your friends? You mean Tom (aka Jessica), Jeff (aka Susan), Bob (aka Random Stripper), Bill (aka Over-Priced Hooker)? No honey, I stopped fighting a long time ago. You were free to run the streets playing hopscotch with your friends till the sun came up.

    I am not a parasite. I am the embodiment of love. That is what I gave you in its entirety – purely and simply. That is what you discarded, and that is what you are now begging for again. Keep begging.

  8. there was never any question with victim N. parasite from day 2. what I don’t understand yet is why I put up with it for so long. a smart parasite remains undetected. mine was more like the cat giving the toxo parasite to the mouse to make it unafraid of the cat. the cat never gives anything of value to the mouse but certainly benefits from mousie’s disease induced trust. I think I was brainwashed by a total con artist.

  9. I seriously wish I could take every one of your posts and post them to my site bc you describe my narc ex so well. Heck, I wouldn’t even have to write anything but a new page on my menu.

  10. This is exactly how I was discarded it’s been over a year and he has not tried to contact me. But I see his new FB accounts I try to block the ones I recognize but I still think he spy’s. HG maybe he is done maybe he won’t ever Hoover ?? I pray so what do you think.

  11. I am not a parasite!!!
    All my intentions were good.
    I wanted to:
    Be a friend
    Give her unconditional love that her mother didn’t give her
    Help her
    Show her that there was good in the world
    Listen
    Just talk
    Be nice
    Hold her hand when she cried
    Make her feel safe
    This made me cry because I wasn’t plotting anything. I didn’t want anything from her.
    My heart wants to love and give not take and destroy 💔

  12. Dear God, after reading this, I’m terrified I’m co-dependent…..That is a truly horrid thing to be……Co dependent people are just as awful as narcs, in many cases!!!!! If I truly am co-D, then I am also a parasite. I’m so confused right now.

  13. We live with parasites; we need some of them. Most times our immune systems kick them out and rid our body of them.
    It is the mental parasite that is the most dangerous.

    I went to East Africa, and I came home with parasites. I became very sick and weak. It is a horrid experience but one that is remedied with strong medication. With no residual effects.

    The mental parasites, the cure, is long and hard. The after effect is lifelong. The pain can be relentless. There is no quick fix, and it changes you forever. Cured but with scarring.

    It is a parisite that is growing and proliferating in society. It is our fellow beings.

    I have had both kinds, physical and mental. The latter will destroy you completely.

    1. Oh, so true, sadly. I am scarred for life and will never be the person I used to be. “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Hm, I’m not so sure about it…

      1. I can relate . I’m so traumatized leaving my house is an accomplishment in itself . I will never recover or be the same . I miss him and I can’t be happy without him but at the same time I will be miserable with him because he will keep cheating on me . I’m in this gridlock and there is no way out . I just can’t enjoy life anymore .

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