Regrets?
Dr E explained that he wanted to discuss with me the issue of regret.
“Have you ever regretted anything?” he asked.
“No,” I answered promptly.
“I see. What do you understand by regret?”
“It is a feeling of sadness or perhaps disappointment over something that you have done or failed to do.”
“When have you experienced that feeling?” he asked.
“I haven’t.”
“If I tell you that most people have regrets, which ones would you remember?”
“Which of their regrets would I remember?” I asked. He looked up at me over the top of his red and black note pad and raised his eyebrows.
“I haven’t had any,” I repeated.
“Why do you think that is?”
“Let me see. Probably because I have had nothing to express regret about. The absence of something tends to be the reason why you have not something, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Okay. Now in your many explanations to me you have explained some of the things that you have done. Yes,” he noticed I was going to interrupt him but he kept going, “I know you detailed those at my behest and I appreciate you sharing that information with me. Those acts of commission and omission led to people feeling angry with you, hurt and upset. Would you agree?”
I nodded.
“Okay. Now I would suggest that one might feel regret at having caused those people to feel that way. Would you agree?”
“You might feel a sense of regret Dr E but I do not.”
“Why is that?”
“Why to which part? Why you might feel a sense of regret or why I do not?”
If he was irritated by my pedantry he was not showing it.
“The latter.”
“Because I am not at fault. In all those instances it is the other person’s fault.”
“How about some examples?”
“Okay. Kate’s dog went missing. Do you remember me telling you about that?” He nodded. “If she had cared for it properly and given me the attention I deserve it would not have been lost. Christopher who was fired from his position, he was incompetent. Emily kept asking me the wrong questions so that is why she was treated in that way. Sophie kept asking me what I was thinking so that is why I lost my temper and smashed her television. As for Paula, she was late so I walked off and left her to find her own way home. Do you want me to go on?”
“No, that is sufficient.”
“If people tried harder, if they were more thoughtful then this would not happen. I can do it so why not they? I will tell you why. They become weak and complacent. They think that they can not invest any energy into our relationship, whether intimate or not, any longer. If you do not feed something it will wither and die. They brought it on themselves and they are the ones at fault. My reaction was perfectly natural. I was entitled to respond the way I did. They cannot judge me, they have no jurisdiction to do so, certainly not when they let me down every single time. They bring it on themselves with their weakness and their whining, their reluctance to do what is needed, what I need. It sickens me doctor, it truly sickens me. Have you any idea how difficult it is to find someone who retains my interest, someone scintillating enough to match my brilliance? It is impossible. I try Dr E, I bloody well try to I offer them the world in the hope that just this once they will match my expectations and not let me down. It always happens. I am always let down. She did it the first time and then it happened again and now it is repeated. Why? What did I do that was so wrong to deserve being treated like this? I regret nothing doctor because nothing is my fault.”
48 thoughts on “Regrets?”
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I am not sure we all view regrets the same. I do not regret the life I have lived nor the choices I have made… that includes the people who have gone in and out of my life. I regret nothing because I learn from mistakes…but I do not regret any of it. Having regret is like saying if I could change what happened I would, but what would you learn? Everything would change because of it. If I said I regretted my ex-husband then I wouldn’t have my daughter. If I said I regretted my exN then I would have never learned about narcissists, I would have never learned to appreciate myself without make up or even learn how strong I truly am.
I regret nothing… but there is a difference between what HG is saying and what I am saying. He places the blame elsewhere, I blame no one and appreciate the obstacles I have been given.
Well put DC.
Thank you HG.
I agree DC. I don’t regret my experiences. No matter the obstacles or pain, they were part of my journey. My regrets are more day to day things. If I have said something that unintentionally hurt someone. Though I’m conscientious about that as much possible and will apologize asap once I realize it. If I have disappointed someone or did not achieve something as I know I could have.
If I didn’t stand up for myself as I should have. In my relationships, there have been no regrets because I put in my 200%.
Love,
I love what you said, “In my relationships, there have been no regrets because I put in my 200%.”. Absolutely. My mother raised me to think before I speak… I have been out of line but I regret nothing… I don’t remember everything I have said in my teens, as an adult I have always been the nice one who caters to everyone and when I have had enough and my mouth opens… I DO NOT regret anything that comes out… I have already thought about it for a long time. I do apologize when I am wrong or have done something wrong and I have never been too proud to admit I was wrong. I do not regret having to say sorry or whatever events lead up to me saying that I was sorry. Some of those sorry’s were unwarranted but I said them because I cared more for the person I was saying it to.
Regret to me is wishing you could take something you did or said back. I regret nothing.
I like your definition of regret DC.
Then I regret nothing too 😊
Well said.
You cannot have regrets when you’ve lived a life where you’ve never been or had to say….sorry.
Ever?
Never.
So the regret you might feel is for yourself and not the other person??? Every time I think the narc prick in my life isn’t a narc I read your posts and come back to reality. So when he left me n my lil girl in San Diego, CA n we live in AZ it was because I wanted to take her to LEGOLAND n he didn’t want to go? It all makes sense now it’s just so damn selfish, evil and very cruel. I know that the narc in my life only feels regret for himself.
It is always good to see when the sledgehammer of truth hits home JSNB.
Regret is good. It brings conviction. Not 4 the narc obviously, narcs dont av regret. Saint Anger.
HG,
hihihi interesantan mi je kraj teksta, kako “peres ruke” i odrices se svake odgovornosti.😊To me podsjeca na moje djetinjstvo, kad bih nesto zabrljala i uvijek su bili drugi krivi, nikad ja, i ne samo to vec bi se postavila superiorno prema “krivcima” cak sam i moralizirala nad njima hihi. Naravno, sve sto se moze da se izbjegne kazna (sva sredstva su bila dozvoljena) Svakako, danas je drugacija prica. A tvoja HG, jos uvijek ostaje ista?!☺
Peace HG
I suspect that it is a common response to blame others during childhood Viktoria. I of course had the prime tutor to show me how it was done and I observed and applied it with a slavish devotion.
Do tell?
Matrinarc.
Based on the answers I have read so far on this blog. I get the sense that many empathic creatures also bear no regrets on having been with the Narc. The experience changed all of us forever. Some, became stronger , more resilient, more assertive, more fuel laden and more selective of the receiver of such energy. Some, realized, that that a Narc is just the sadistic dildo they need and are happy to pay the price. Some, are still trying to get out of the pits of hell but they can see the road sign that clearly indicates: ℹ️Our needs, next exit↗️
I hope you have no regrets that you are helping all of us. In a dark, selfish, twisted way.
Not when I get to read sadistic dildo!
I literally laughed out loud when I read that! I will have to remember that one. Love your response HG 😉
always good to generate a laugh
Ooo.. .. Trust me I have regrets Blackwidow . Fifteen years of them .
So Sad, I understand. I’m not certified to counsel or knowledgeable enough of your situation. As a victim, I personally chose to take all the poop that was collected during my experience and use it to fertilize my mango tree (me). The next batch of fruit from my tree will be sweeter and more abundant. Changing the perspective and educating myself in regards to personality disorders helped me a great deal. By being able to share on this site has also been proven beneficial.
I know It’s very, very hard. I can’t imagine 15 years. My situation only lasted a few months and there was no mutual investments or kids that added to the misery. I still felt devastated and guilty for allowing it to go longer than what I should.
I heard somewhere that it takes some victims up to 7 times to walk out of a bad relationship for good.
You are not alone.
Thank you BW .
I like your way of thinking 🙂
It was a very long time before I reported the violence .
To start with I just wanted the person I’d fallen” in love with ” back .
Towards the end I was just too scared to to ask him to leave & he kept on using me until my replacement was secured .
The stats in the UK are 33 reported incidents .. I think I must own the world record lol
It’s nice to talk to you BW thank you again x
Take care & speak soon I hope xx
Sadistic dildo” 😂😂😂 made me laugh out loud!
Sadist dildo…love…..I’m buying a tudor toy for all my harem mates!
Yes i agree, sadly there r many mid-range narcs on ere that think their empaths, super empaths and contagion-heyoka empaths, but their not. Saint Anger.
Regrets are what allow you to learn, feel, change, love, challenge, grow….LIVE!
I’d rather spend a lifetime living with my faults and regrets than one day thinking I am faultless and believing that I have none.
The ones who will never dissapoint your kind are being produced, sculpted, refined and programmed to please every intellectual; as well as, other needs…give them a few years they will even make the “empath dream girl package”. Surely will be able to add extra positive and negative fuel to your order.
I better check out if these companies are selling stocks. 🙂
https://youtu.be/W0_DPi0PmF0
https://youtu.be/wLVOnVsLXqw
HG?
Hello.
I wanted to say thank you for having no regrets.
Oooh, is this telepathic narc talk?
You’re lucky to have no regrets. The feeling weighs you down like chains. You are free.
Interesting comment Love, thank you. Do you feel lighter when free?
Hi Leilani, I’ve never been free to know.
Hi Love, if it’s a feeling like you mentioned that weighs us down, let go and you’ll be free.
I’m very curious about the interactions of narcs. Leilani, you’ve introduced yourself as one and I believe so have Bloody Elemental and Cara. All of you are very nice and respectful toward Mr. Tudor, and vice versa, which is great to see. However, am I wrong in sensing an undercurrent? Like more is stated than what is written? Maybe I’ve turned cynical but its hard to believe the narc to narc relationship can be purely based on real admiration, good feelings, and free of an agenda. Forgive my skepticism. I do appreciate all of you giving us a chance to observe you as well. In my life, I haven’t seen such genuine interactions amongst your kind.
I operate to a certain set of rules in this arena, hence my engagements are as you state respectful. This was spelled out as a requirement to enable the interactions to take place and flourish. It would not be so outside of this arena. If I encounter lesser or mid-range they are fair game if there is something to be gained from the interaction, although they are not preferred compared to those from the empathic side of the fence. As for a greater, there is a mutual respect, like two great whites who know what the other is and circle one another. If thought there is an opportunity for me to get one over on even a greater and thus assert my superiority I would do it. In those circumstances it is more about shining brighter than them than actively meting out a manipulation against them. The fuel benefit is not as great.
My narc fantasy….
Trump vs. Putin
Then
Winner vs. HG
*FTW walks around ring in bikini and Louboutins holding sign Round 1*
Ding ding seconds out. Make sure the bikini is azure in colour.
How fascinating. Thank you for your response.
Pleasure
A great question and an excellent response! I can feel it from here. Thank you kindly.
I know very well how you feel and I do understand how difficult it is to find someone who retains your interest and the ones who do let you down…every single time. Yes I do know this feeling well.
When you led me into your darkness, did you think I would run? Did you fear I’d get lost? Did you believe I’d be afraid in the shadows of obscurity in your mind? Was it a test to see if I’d make it out alive? And tell me… when I found Heaven in your Darkness… did you fall in love; or did it frighten you?
I survived the darkness, but they failed. I am let down. So I sit in the darkness alone. I do know how you feel.
So you don’t regret having dated them? Havng wasted your valuable time and energy on someone that was not worth it and disappointed you again and again. Wouldn’t you consider that a form of regret?
I wonder why my ex was very happy to compensate me economically for all the hurt caused. The agreement was that he’d pay for my therapy sessions for my CPTSD and he told me he was grateful for giving him the opportunity to do so (?). He used to send money to my bank weekly but at some point he interrupted it and paid 6 months in advance asking me to go No Contact (I already was). Why bother?
I have absolutely no interest in ever getting back with him now that I know who he is. He is now dating a histrionic and I am happy he is out of my life and with someone I don’t feel the need to rescue. She seduced him while she knew I was expecting and they laughed when I lost the child. They deserve each other.
Still I don’t get why he bothered sending me the money. He had always been extremely tight with money during our 3y relationship. I feel it’s a win-win situation for me. He’s out of my life and I get paid.
No I do not regret it Shangri-La because at the time the decision I made was the right one because it was what the fuel demanded. All is as the fuel orders it to be. I did not wast my valuable time and energy because I seduced the right person who gave me the fuel which was what needed at that time. There is no regret, I made no mistake, it was the appliance that let me down.
The payment was done in order to exert control over you and allow him to maintain a facade with other people by pointing to his generosity. He no doubt explained to third parties that your therapy was for some reason unrelated to him. He asked you to go no contact because he had somebody else he wanted to focus on.
Indeed it does appear to be a win for you, use that advantage to put clear distance between you and him.
People are human and I believe you are looking for perfect . Unfortunately there is no such thing as perfect . The meaning of real love is loving someone’s mistakes and well as their flaws . You have to love the ugly parts of that person and be patient and be thankful you have someone that loves you . Slow it down and breathe and understand that you are doing the best you can and so were the others . I want nothing more than for you to feel the love an empath feels for the ones they love . I will always believe maybe you will one day .