The Narcissistic Path – Part One

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Most people come to understand that the engagement with our kind consists of three stages. Seduction, devaluation and the discard. Whilst this is correct, in essence, there is more to the narcissistic entanglement which you ought to be aware of as this will not only assist your understanding but it enable you to relate certain key occurrences and events to your own experience of being ensnared by us. This path should always be considered with regard to how you fit in to the dynamic with your narcissist and also how your particular narcissist engages with others, as the path may not be the same dependent on the nature of the narcissist and the nature of the victim.

  1. The Targeting.

Our victims are all targeted. They are targeted primarily for fuel and then the provision of character traits (where applicable) and residual benefits (where applicable). The extent and duration of this targeting depends on those three factors, the nature of the narcissist and the nature of the prospective victim. For instance, I as, a Greater, see an attractive lady sat across from me on a train. I decide that fuel can be obtained from her as a tertiary source (a stranger). Since I am not angling to make her a primary or secondary source, I am not preoccupied in ascertaining her empathic, class and special traits, but rather relying on her responding positively to my overture. I do not identify any residual benefit to obtain from her and I may, if I engage in a conversation with her find a character trait to acquire as my own, if I do, all well and good, but fuel is the main aim here. I note which book she is reading. It is unfamiliar to me but I look it up on google and find some choice information which I can use for the purpose of engagement. In the space of a few minutes I have ascertained that there is a viable target and how to engage her.

If I am looking for a prospective primary source in one of my hunting grounds, the targeting progress will be of greater detail and more rigorous as explained in my book Sitting Target and once again a target is identified and time is dedicated to deciding who this target shall be and the methodology adopted.

All individuals are potential targets. Some are dispensed with as poor targets and left alone. Some are regarded as too difficult by some of our kind. Whoever we interact with that person will be assessed and then if there is potential action will be taken. The tertiary target has little investment from us, secondary sources more investment and as you would expect the person we intend to be our primary source receives the greatest investment in terms of time, intelligence and energy.

2. The Seducing (part of the Seduction Phase)

The next stage is The Seducing. You have not become attached to us when this happens but fuel starts to flow as a consequence of our overtures towards you. This is where the well-known love-bombing resides as we apply our seductive wiles, allied with the intelligence we have garnered to begin seducing you.

Once again the nature of the intended victim and the nature of the narcissist impacts on the scale and extent of this seducing. Take the tertiary target mentioned above, being the lady on the train. I decided to target her and the method of doing so in a few minutes. I catch her eye, smile and make the relevant comment about the book she is reading. That is the totality of the seducing. Short and effective.

If I was looking to seduce a primary source, the seducing would be over a longer period. If I was a Lesser, the nature of the seducing would be in the main keeping the beast under wraps and doing a handful of pleasant things for the intended primary source. As a Greater, the whole blitzkrieg of charm, magnetism and love bombing would be deployed. The compliments, the incessant messaging, the need to meet up repeatedly, the lavish gifts, the introduction of the coterie to reinforce my credentials and so on.

During the seducing we are looking for those indicators which I have written about previously which tell us that you are falling for this seducing approach of ours so we know it is working, what to keep doing and what to change.

The golden period has commenced when the seducing starts. This golden period applies for all sources be they primary, secondary or tertiary.

3. The Ensnarement (the second part of the Seduction Phase)

To put it simply, this is when we know we have got you.

Returning to the lady on the train, I know I have got her when she pays attention to me and smiles thus giving me fuel. My aim was just to get fuel. I have it. She is ensnared. I need no longer continue the seducing, but the seduction continues as we talk and she finds what I have to say interesting. The conversation covers various topics as the journey progresses and I continue to receive positive fuel from her.

With a secondary source, such as a friend, the ensnarement occurs when we determine that they refer to us a friend or confirm they will do something for us or we note they act in our best interests in some way with a third party.

With the primary source, we look for the indicators which have been written about previously which confirm to us that you are now attached to us, embedded within our control and thus the seducing has ended.

The arrival of the ensnarement is the time we reap the benefits of your fuel, character traits and residual benefits as a reward for the energy we expending during the seducing. The golden period continues. We do not have to apply the same level of concentrated effort as we did during the seducing but we continue to be loving, kind, funny, generous,  pleasant, passionate et al in order to consolidate our acquisition of you as our fuel source. We are secure in the knowledge that we have embedded you and we can concentrate on enjoying your positive fuel and maintaining its flow by an adjustment here and there.

The period of ensnarement depends on the nature of the fuel source, the fuel provided and the narcissist. With the lady on the train, I get off at a station before she does and I decide that the engagement in itself was sufficient for the provision of fuel. I may have determined that whilst she was attentive and pleasant, her empathic traits were low and therefore there was no need to, for example, swap telephone numbers to maintain the connection and perhaps promote her, eventually, to a secondary source by moving from stranger to acquaintance to outer circle friend. We part ways and she is discarded but there is no devaluation. There is no need. We may never see one another ever again.

Taking the example of a tertiary source who we see intermittently, say somebody who works in a bar or shop, we would target, engage in the seducing and then achieve ensnarement. We then do not engage with them for a week. There is no discard in that instance but rather the ensnarement continues. Such a tertiary source could well remain in the ensnarement golden period for a long time.

Also you should note that a tertiary source may be targeted and determined as a viable source of negative fuel and therefore there will be no seducing stage nor an ensnarement stage but instead we jump several stages and proceed to devalue you them for the purpose of insulting the dilatory waiter in order to gain that annoyed response from him and thus his negative fuel.

Similarly, a secondary source may also be targeted and then subjected to devaluation from the off – this might be a family member or a colleague who is effectively already in a connection with us by reason of working with us or being related to us. They are less able to disconnect with us as a consequence of the existing nature of the relationship between us and them. A friend will not suffer a devaluation from the beginning as it is necessary for us to target, seduce and ensnare to cause that person to become our friend.

Naturally, the primary source cannot be devalued from the start as such a person would instantly dis-engage from us and we will lose the potential of gains after investing time and energy in the targeting of this individual.

Accordingly, the start of the narcissistic path looks like this

Primary Source – extensive targeting, the seducing, the ensnarement

(done to gain positive fuel, character traits and residual benefits)

Secondary Source (friend/family/colleague)- moderate targeting, the seducing, the ensnarement

(done to gain positive fuel, character traits and residual benefits)

Secondary Source (Family/Colleague) – low targeting, devaluation

(done to gain negative fuel)

Tertiary Source – low targeting, the seducing, the ensnarement

(done to gain positive fuel mainly, slight possibility of character traits and/or residual benefits)

Tertiary Source – low targeting, devaluation

(done to gain negative fuel)

We shall, in the next part, move on to the Stranger Zone, Devaluation, Respite and Preventative Periods.

 

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Path – Part One”

  1. HG

    I read this and I know this is normal operation for you. I lived my life mechanically. It’s my default position, even now at least for some portion of my time on earth.
    It’s just exhausting to feed the creature and the energy it takes is so unfairly draining.
    Tho a small conversation on the train of flirting makes the morning of your day. I get to see the real calming once in awhile. That’s when the light shines and I can see the whole thing. I am still to anxious to peak further out but there is something around that bend. I just have to extend my hand, but there’s always that pull, I can’t shake. Someday all the abuse and the detachment and dissociation, anxiety and hate will puddle to forgiveness and love. It has to because I can’t see another way out.

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  2. I can’t either, I just read Devil’s Toolkit and saw my mother. I can’t believe she never loved me. I would have up and left at 15 and never walked back. Not 25.
    It’s my observation from colleagues that after I make the decision to look past the abuse and just watch them, they are dead. Just dead.
    All of this other flurry of stuff, most of which I drowned out not from denial but energy conservation, is just white noise. The deadness is what got to me.
    When I was living with my ex and lying next to him. I had the most odd sensation.
    Have you seen Stephen King’s Secret Window? At the end the murderer husband is gazing out at a field of sunflowers where his wife’s body is buried underneath and the ambience is just nothingness. Just nothing. I felt that my boyfriend could do that to me.

    What I feel is strangely sad and comforting at the same time is that I’m alone. She / he never felt us, were never “with” us. It is liberating because it means I don’t have to invest in her behaviour and my own behaviour is mine. I’m alone, making my own decisions. I’m not in narcissist land.

    Despite what you write HG, sometimes I think victory declarations of “breaking” us are a little far-fetched. I’ve worked with a lot of narcs on the road as a reporter and they’re always the first to run from danger. But then again, that’s a narc’s style. 😉

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    1. No I haven’t seen that film. There is no denying that some of our kind will run from danger and there are others who embrace it as an opportunity to shine and gain fuel. It depends on the school and cadre of narcissist.

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  3. Which is why my seat on the train is upper deck and single. No eye contact and no contact. Have to hope that works.

    This is a most informative post, HG

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