If You Leave Me

 

 

if-you-leave-me

 

If you leave me I shall surely die and you cannot want that on your conscience can you? If you leave me now, everything that we have built up together will come crashing down around us. Why would you want to do that? Why destroy what we have. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but it is not the time to focus on those few bad things but rather to remember what we had, what we have and to treasure that. We are meant to be together. We are bound together as one and I cannot allow you to leave and break what should be unbreakable. How could you countenance doing such a thing? We work so well together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. We have that perfect love, we have just lost our way a little, that is all. We can soon find it again, trust me. We found one another at the beginning didn’t we? Two lost souls who had both been hurt by others before, we saw enough in one another to trust one another with recounting those painful memories didn’t we? We were fated to meet. It was meant to be and if we were able to find ourselves amidst the fog of hurt and regret then surely we can find our way again now? I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.

We have such plans for the future. We want to marry one another and raise a family. That desire cannot have evaporated overnight. No, I thought as much, I can see it in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will be nothing more than a wretched soul if he was to lose you. You are everything to me, you are my north star, my guiding light, my sense of calm and serenity when all is chaos around us. I need you and you need me. We fit together so well. Everybody says that about us. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see those icons of a perfect love torn asunder? Who will they look to for comfort and encouragement? We not only have an obligation towards one another but to them as well. There is too much darkness out there. Too much hurt, agony and cruelty and we can stand together and be that shining beacon of hope. Do it for me, do it for them, do it for us. Please, I am collapsing inside. The thought of never waking beside you ever again fills me with the most terrible dread. If you leave me, you will rip out the core of me and I will perish. There will be no purpose without you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from my world if you walk away now. Please do not do it. Please stay with me. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. I want us to be happy together. There is so much we have not yet done, so many worlds to experience together, to conquer and rule. You are the one who sits at my left hand, my queen. Whatever is needed, just say the words and I will execute what is required but please, please, I am begging you, do not leave me. I love you.

If you leave me I shall ensure you die and believe me, it will no trouble my conscience. If you leave me now, everything that you know and cherish will come crashing down around you. Why would I want to do that? Why destroy what you have? Because you deserve it for your selfishness and your disdain towards me, after everything that I have done for you. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but that is because you have not made the time to focus on me and you would rather forget what we had, what I gave you and to treasure me. We will always be together. You will not escape me. I will make it my sole mission in my life to ensure you never become free of me. We are bound together as one, you accepted that from the beginning and I cannot allow you to leave and break what I am entitled to. How could you countenance doing such a thing? How could you hurt the one who has done so much for you? I know how, because you are a fraud, a cruel temptress who swept me up and promised the earth and then delivered nothing. Oh wicked harridan, seditious slut and cruel crone you are. I worked so hard to bring us together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. Well understand this. I meant none of it. I have never loved you, you do not deserve my love, I will give it to someone who will appreciate it and give me what I want, but I will not let you rest. I will not let you walk away from me. You have a price to pay and you will keep on paying. I have created the perfect love and you have trodden all over it. If you try to leave I can soon find you again, trust me. My reach is far and wide. You have no idea of those who are waiting to help me and bring you down. I found you at the beginning didn’t I? That wasn’t me acting alone, I can promise you that. You a broken and lost soul who had been hurt by others before, I saw enough in you to endure you recounting those painful memories didn’t I? Oh I listened alright, storing all the details and I will use them against you now. I will scatter them to the four winds, posting and spreading details of your vulnerabilities far and wide. Not only those but all of the others I have collected whilst we have been together. Oh I have quite the collection and I will not hesitate to use them to destroy you. We were not fated to meet, I chose you. It was meant to be and I will find you again amidst the fog of hurt and regret that I will weave around you so you cannot see a way to escape. I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.

I have such plans for the future. I want to marry another and raise a family and I will keep you updated as to that progress so you are tormented by what you could have had, but you chose to be selfish and leave. That malicious intent will not evaporate overnight, you do realise that don’t you? No, I thought as much, I can see the fear in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will turn you into nothing more than a wretched shadow of your former self. I am everything to you, I will be the clouds which obscure your waystar, I will snuff out your light, I will eradicate any sense of calm and serenity by sowing chaos all around you. You need me more than ever. My machinations fit together so well. Everybody will know how treacherous you are if you dare to leave me. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see this icon of perfection treated so unfairly? Who will they look to for leadership and brilliance? I not only have an obligation towards myself but to my supporters as well. There is much darkness out there for you, all created by me. Much hurt, agony and cruelty and my supporters will and can stand together and be that relentless machine that crushes you. Do it and see what happens. Please me or you will collapse inside. The thought of never sleeping properly again will fill you with dread because I will always be there, waiting and watching. If you leave me, I will rip your heart out and consume it. There will be no purpose left for you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from your world if you walk away now. Do not do it. Stay with me. I want you to be controlled. I want to control you. I want and I will get it. There is so much I have not yet done to you, so many worlds of yours to conquer and rule. You are the one who lies broken at my feet, my conquest. Whatever is needed, I will say the words and I will execute what is required to make your life a living hell but I am ordering you, you will not leave me. I hate you.

Which shall it be? The former? The latter? Perhaps both if really required.

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38 thoughts on “If You Leave Me”

  1. HG – How wretched this post is. But ever so precise. I left him with our 5mo old ..now 16mo. How do I escape when I have a child with him? One minute he doesnt want the child, the next he wants to be a dad and boasts me as the horrible person taking his child from him.
    How can I get rid of or lessen his control? What is his weekness? I believe him to be part lesser part mid range narcissist.

    Thank you…

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    1. Hello Sarah, read the post Save the Children, read Manipulated, Fuel, Devil’s Toolkit, Black Flag and Escape so you understand why he does what he does, why this involves your child and how you can counter the various manipulations. Ultimately you must not give him fuel so he will be far less inclined to try and get it from you and use your child as a tool to do so, because your child is in his eyes just another appliance and an object to be manipulated.

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  2. They leave you because you hurt them . If you cheat then they are not at fault and you deserve to be left . Why do you hate the ones who love you so much ? You should be thankful that you are loved .

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      1. You have unrealistic expectations . Also it doesn’t matter if they may have burnt your dinner or made a simple mistake people are human and they aren’t perfect so if you cheat on them than every little thing you think is a mistake is void because you cheated and that is worse than anything they could have ever possibly done for you . You make it impossible for someone to please you . It’s not their fault . It’s a good thing I’m not your IP I’m clumsy . I drop and accidentally break things and I’m a terrible cook . You would discard me in less than a month .

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      2. HG. Intriguing response. Not just the meaning, but the phrasing. I need to masticate on this a bit before responding.

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      3. “Because they let us down.” They always do, right?

        Took me awhile to figure out why this one stuck to me. Bugged me. It is because it rang eerily familiar. I know this game. Mine uses this tactic. Now I finally know what it is.

        This isn’t just a blame thing, shirking responsibility. It is actually a projection disguised as an illusion of empathy, used as a hoover. Very very tricky. Yowsa.

        We didn’t let you (the collective you) down. You let yourself down. You set it up for failure from the get go. And you are projecting that failure onto us, using our sympathy for the false pain to hoover us in. Checkmate. 🍸

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  3. “I’ve invested too much time in this relationship and I refuse to let you go.”

    “I’ve trained you well, I do not want to go through the whole process again.”

    “I’ll be damned if another man will put his filthy hands on you, you are mine.”

    ” I hate you and love you, you f’n b**ch. Don’t be fooled the next one will be just as f’d up.”

    I have way too many bi-polar looking texts… it really is a never ending story… but hey, I gave plenty of warning before I left.
    And what was his excuse, “I didn’t think you would ever do it.”
    Of course not, you cannot call me a fool and try to play the fool, I am the Queen in disguise you court jester.

    https://youtu.be/rJppnG1tflU?list=PLA2neCdrpdRqyNCtW1BGzPEAeuR9JR_2w

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    1. oh I can so relate to your comment. First they start out with fluffy words n when you don’t cooperate that way then they try to annhiliate you with the most cruel hurtful shit Ive ever heard in my life! I currently have tens of thousands text msg.’s that Ive kept to remind me of how much he truly hates me n how he is a few beers short of a six pack… Its time to delete those texts and him their slowing me and my phone down!

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      1. I want to delete them just like I want to block his calls n texts. Im 48 and yet feel like a teenage girl who got her heart broke for the very first time. Actually I handled shit better at that age than I do know. How… Im begging anyone tell me how do I put this all behind me???!!!

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  4. I got BOTH!
    Incredible how you took me right back to that day and it played out just like you described.
    Brilliant!
    She loved me, she hated me
    I was despicable, I was her soulmate
    Her life was wonderful now, she couldn’t live without me
    And then after two hours I saw the fake tears and she begged me not to go.

    When I read one of your comments this morning about our kind being predictable, I then understood why your kind has the same exact language and similar agendas. We are all similar just like your kind. It works the same way for both sides.

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      1. Hi DC,
        Sorry to hear about your Halloween Hoover. 😔
        Very dizzy and it was something to see how it went from one end to the other. I really wanted to see that day what she was going to do. She sealed the deal for me right in front of my eyes and confirmed what I knew.
        I saw he used “you are mine” with you..
        That”s been one of the biggest realizations for me. They really believe that 😡😡

        I foolishly believed when she first said to me on the phone ” I hate you, you will never have me again” that I would never see her.
        Others said ” oh, she will be back”.
        Little did I know that I had signed a contract and it was forever. ( I picture Ariel signing the contact and Ursula holding all the souls in jars ). Lol… you know how I live in a fantasy world DC.

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      2. I am tired of the hoovering… there is so much and it never ends… and he keeps on with throwing money at me… so tempting but there really isn’t any amount of money that I would take to go back with him.

        Oh Snow, I do love the Ariel and Ursula contract… I think your fantasy world is fun and I do want to go to Disneyland with you… no make that Disney World! I love the Epcot center…

        PS. I hate to admit it, I enjoyed when he took possession of me. It was true though, I was his… just not anymore, he lost that privileged.

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      3. I’m sure you are standing your ground with him DC!
        Mine are about a month apart. I just got an email yesterday saying she liked one of my pins. Stupid!!! There was no reason for it.
        If I wouldn’t have found HG I would have caved. Thank goodness for him.

        One of my favorite places at Disney is Ariel’s grotto. It’s been two years since I have been there. We would have a blast!! I miss it and Epcot has gotten bigger and I would love to see the new attractions,

        I agree, her aggressive nature was something I was fond of😉😉😉

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      4. Oh I love Ariel’s grotto! I always want to sit in the shell :). I haven’t been to Disney World since I was 13… Epcot center must be amazing now! I love science, it is so fascinating and I love that Disney Incorporated that into their attractions!
        😀 Losing control is definitely fun sometimes!

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  5. This is a greater greatest .. I heard if several times .. and I like the last part ..
    ” Whatever is needed, I will say the words and I will execute what is required to make your life a living hell but I am ordering you, you will not leave me. I hate you.”
    with Love
    The greater

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  6. Like I said in one of your earlier posts today…you all say the same lies. Do you actually start to believe the lies you tell? He still is trying to convince me that I left him when the real story is he threw me away and I went and lived at a domestic violence shelter for four months…he told his family that I FINALLY got help for my alcohol addiction and was in a four month program I m so grateful that today I have my own place but I am still wrapped up in playing his game and all of the drama… I so want to just wake up from this nightmare and have never met him! Gooey

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    1. Hello JSNB, yes we do and we do so because they are effective, hence why mess with a winning approach? Lesser and Mid-Range Narcissists believe their lies to be true. Greaters know we are lying but the end justifies the means. Of course, what is really behind the lie is the fact that you are at fault and that is what really matters, our lie is designed to ensure you always remain at fault. Have a look at my book Your Fault for more about this. You should also read Smeared given the content of your post.

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  7. Sometimes when I read your articles I have some doubt. I think maybe he was not a full on Narc. He never bothers me anymore. Only tried once back in march but then hooked up with that chin woman. I don’t think all narcs continue the pester the former primary supply. H G, do you in some way seek out every past woman that escaped you and try to hoover her? From everything I have read on you it sounds like there were/are lots of them. How would one have the time?

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      1. You mean man whore? No, just kidding. So… If my ex fat chick chin lover never spots me in life again I am safe yes?

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      2. It all depends on whether you enter the spheres of influence. Even if she does not spot you again, you may still enter the sixth sphere which will activate a hoover trigger. The Hoover Execution Criteria then has to be met. You cannot definitively state that you are safe but you can certainly do much to reduce the risk.

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  8. What are those hoover triggers when you let the narc? Im thinking to myself i cant be happy so others can see cuz then he’ll smell it.

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